MA Chapter 35: Things More Valuable Than

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Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem

“Chôoe-Tǎem, there will be guests coming in a moment, Ná.”

“Who is it, Khráp...Oop, hahahaha?”

It (man) isn’t that Senior Phîi Khǎi is tickling my (Chǎn) waist until I (Chǎn) laugh out loud, Ná. But I (Chǎn) am really not used to my (Chǎn) romantic partner’s new hairstyle…skinhead.

From the heart, it (man) doesn’t suit, doesn’t suit.

Senior Phîi Khǎi himself probably knows because he raised a hand to stroke his own short-haired head with a calm face. But that, I (Chǎn) see that his cheeks have reddened a bit, Looei. Especially lately having a hobby of liking to observe Khǎi, once I (Chǎn) see a little reaction, I (Chǎn) memorize what it (man) means…who says people with calm faces can’t be shy?

“No need to stroke it anymore, Khráp. It (man) will grow long soon.” I (Chǎn) try to comfort even though holding back laughter is almost terrible. The day Senior Phîi Khǎi went to get a haircut, I (Chǎn) also went as his companion. I (Chǎn) heard the barber say that some parts were burned almost to the scalp. Cutting it (man) off and letting it (man) grow new would probably be better. Senior Phîi Khǎi also said then cut it (man), Looei. Once following the barber’s suggestion…came out short-haired.

Well, handsome decreased a little bit, Looei.

“Heehee.”

From before, I (Chǎn) think Senior Phîi Khǎi’s face looks like a Hong Kong mafia, right? Both thick eyebrows, slanted eyes, not to mention the hairstyle, the dressing that makes one think he is a mafia himself. But when the mafia cuts a skinhead, I (Chǎn) think this, Looei. Looks like a high school delinquent in a Japanese series. That is, his face looks younger by several levels. The fearsomeness has receded several degrees.

“Not laughing anymore, Khráp. Not laughing anymore, Ná.” Once I (Chǎn) saw Senior Phîi Khǎi make a move to walk away into the room, I (Chǎn) hurriedly went to pull his arm first, said in a clingy manner, sent a clingy smile until I (Chǎn) saw Senior Phîi Khǎi soften. But his raising a hand to stroke his scalp several more times also made me (Chǎn) hold back a smile until almost dying, until I (Chǎn) had to hurriedly change the subject.

“But Senior Phîi Khǎi said who is coming, Ná, Khráp?”

I (Chǎn) pulled him to sit on the sofa, and then let my (Chǎn) body fall onto the regular seat after confessing love to each other…sitting on Senior Phîi Khǎi’s lap.

At first it (man) was shy. But after doing it (man) for several days, I (Chǎn) gradually got used to it. Nowadays, it (man) has developed into sitting on his lap watching TV together, Ná. Even though I (Chǎn) feel that Senior Phîi Khǎi looks at me (Chǎn) more than the screen, never mind. Even though my (Chǎn) face feels burning hot, I (Chǎn) will try to be brave and shameless further. Teacher Gôk told me (Chǎn) that being shy isn’t scary; being scared of not getting a good Phûa is scarier.

The slogan is so scary that hearing it (man) the first time startled me (Chǎn), Looei.

“A lawyer.”

“Are you (Khun) going to file to evict Tǎem from the house, Khráp?” Senior Phîi Khǎi made a fierce face until I (Chǎn) secretly got scared. But once I (Chǎn) looked at his head, I (Chǎn) also managed to smile, Looei. While he also wrapped both arms around my (Chǎn) waist, shaking his head slowly.

“If it (man) was about filing for registration, that would be another matter.”

“It’s a lawyer, Khráp, not a district officer.” I (Chǎn) also murmured in response. “So, why did Senior Phîi Khǎi have a lawyer come?”

“To do the matter of transferring half of the assets to be under your (Thooe) name.”

“Huh!!!” This time, no matter how calm, I (Chǎn) exclaimed with surprise, turning back to look at his face which nodded in confirmation. Plus, he also made a gesture that this kind of matter is normal. But it (man) isn’t normal for me (Chǎn), definitely. Who calls a lawyer to the house to manage transferring half of the assets to a romantic partner? Even if it (man) is a romantic partner, no one does this, Ná.

“The matter of cash probably isn’t difficult to divide. But the matter of real estate needs to consult with a lawyer further. I have a condo here, and also an apartment in New York, land in San Francisco, and a number of stocks that I hold. The dividends are quite good. Oh, and also there is the royalty compensation for the books I wrote…”

“Senior Phîi Khǎi! Stop first, stop first, Ná.” I (Chǎn) hurriedly grabbed his hand, shook it (man) to call, before he could recite the amount of his assets until finished. Because I (Chǎn) still haven’t composed myself (Chǎn) to divide anything, Looei. We are not a married Phûa and Miia couple dividing marital property upon divorce.

“I don’t want Senior Phîi’s money.”

“But I don’t want history to repeat itself.”

“Repeat itself?”

“If I die suddenly, these assets will become yours (Thooe). So it (man) won’t be like that time of Phôo…”

Slap

“Slap your (Khun) own mouth, Ná, Senior Phîi Khǎi!” Suddenly, I (Chǎn) got angry, and angry enough to slap my (Chǎn) hand over Senior Phîi Khǎi’s mouth loudly, turning to stare at his face intently, then said with a voice getting louder.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi, don’t talk as if you (Khun) will die and leave Tǎem today or tomorrow. Tǎem doesn’t agree! Slap your (Khun) own mouth, Ná!”

“Chôoe-Tǎem, no one can forbid death, Ná.”

“But Tǎem doesn’t agree to let Senior Phîi Khǎi abandon Tǎem.” If he still insisted on talking about this, I (Chǎn) also insisted that I (Chǎn) would really cry in his face. We just reached an agreement, confessed love to each other not long ago. Once he talks about death, I (Chǎn) am already scared until my (Chǎn) body trembles. Which Senior Phîi Khǎi probably already realized. He hugged me (Chǎn), rocking back and forth.

“I am just speaking in case.”

“In case, I (Chǎn) don’t want it.”

“Chôoe-Tǎem.”

“Understand me, Thòe, Ná, that if something happens, I don’t want you (Thooe) to have difficulty.” Senior Phîi Khǎi pushed my (Chǎn) shoulder to make me (Chǎn) turn to look him in the eye, then moved in to press a kiss on my (Chǎn) cheek in a clingy manner.

“If we get married, I would probably be at ease that you (Thooe) would definitely get it (man). But you (Thooe) probably still won’t agree to fly to marry me right now. I therefore think that you (Thooe) holding a portion of the assets would be better. And for my peace of mind as well, I don’t want an incident like when your (Thooe) Phôo died to happen.”

I (Chǎn) know he is worried about me (Chǎn). But…

“Tǎem doesn’t need Senior Phîi’s money.” I (Chǎn) continued to be stubborn. The more he gives it (man) because he is afraid that he himself will die before me (Chǎn), the more I (Chǎn) don’t want to accept it. I (Chǎn) am even scared that if I (Chǎn) accept it (man), something might happen. Therefore, I (Chǎn) pressed my (Chǎn) face down onto his shoulder, shaking my (Chǎn) head back and forth several times.

“But…”

“Tǎem may be a misser, Ná. But Tǎem asks for Khǎi to stay with Tǎem for a long time more than that money.” I (Chǎn) looked up with my (Chǎn) eyes.

I (Chǎn) know, Ná, that I (Chǎn) am missing out on a huge amount of money. But I (Chǎn) don’t care. If choosing between money and the man hugging me (Chǎn), I (Chǎn) choose without thinking twice that I (Chǎn) want Senior Phîi Khǎi. However much money, if there isn’t this person, the heart isn’t warm anyway.

“Ná, Khráp.”

“Sigh, doing this, what can I say?” I (Chǎn) smiled at Senior Phîi Khǎi immediately, because it (man) means he agrees to cancel that matter of transferring half of the assets or whatever to me (Chǎn). At the same moment, the doorbell rang, until I (Chǎn) hurriedly stood up, turned to look at the homeowner with uncertainty.

“So, like this, must we send the lawyer back, Khráp?”

“No. There are other matters as well.” Senior Phîi Khǎi was the party who got up to open the front door to receive. As for me (Chǎn), I (Chǎn) walked into the kitchen, preparing to see how many guests were coming so I (Chǎn) could prepare the correct number of glasses of water. But once I (Chǎn) peeked my (Chǎn) head out to look, that was it (man).

“Uncle Phért!” I (Chǎn) opened my (Chǎn) mouth agape. While that party also turned to look me (Chǎn) in the eye just right.

“Tǎem?”

The handsome man dressed neatly in a smoke-colored suit, which further enhanced his personality to be more noteworthy several times over, this person is…Âi'Ker’s real Uncle!

“Do you (Thooe) know each other?”

I (Chǎn) hurriedly stepped to stand beside the person who asked in a flat voice. But I (Chǎn) think Senior Phîi Khǎi’s eyes look more fearsome than before, Looei. I (Chǎn) therefore hurriedly answered the question.

“Âi'Ker’s uncle, Khráp, Senior Phîi Khǎi…Hello, Khráp, Uncle Phért. The lawyer Senior Phîi Khǎi mentioned is Uncle himself, Khráp?” I (Chǎn) hurriedly raised my (Chǎn) hands in a wai to my (Chǎn) close friend’s uncle whom I (Chǎn) have met several times. I (Chǎn) know that Âi'Ker’s house is a famous law office, with Uncle as the manager, including being a top-tier lawyer that large companies want. Âi'Ker’s older brother himself also just graduated with a master’s from England, came back to intern at home.

As for me (Chǎn) myself…I (Chǎn) avoid law like my (Chǎn) head and feet would be cut off, also not studying it (man).

“Uncle is also surprised to see Tǎem here…also thinking the matter is familiar, as if heard somewhere.” Âi'Ker’s uncle raised a slight smile, not saying more than that, until I (Chǎn) had to look up at Senior Phîi Khǎi, who explained more clearly.

“I knew Khun Phít-yèt (คุณพิชเยศ) when I moved to Thailand, Ná. Asked him to help manage the matter of property ownership here. Good that I hold dual citizenship, so the matter became easier. But there were also many following problems, so we have been in contact continuously. He has helped me several times.” I (Chǎn) nodded slowly, understanding the story somewhat.

“So, regarding the matter of asset transfer, Tǎem will be the transferee, right, Khráp?”

I (Chǎn) shook my (Chǎn) head or jerked Senior Phîi Khǎi’s arm several places that I (Chǎn) don’t want it (man), Ná. And that made him sigh.

“Probably have to change the plan to making a will instead.”

“Senior Phîi Khǎi!” I (Chǎn) called him loudly, jerking his hand strongly. And that made him turn to look me (Chǎn) in the eye.

“I am not abandoning you (Thooe) anywhere. What I am doing is for my own peace of mind. By the time it (man) gets used, it (man) might be fifty years from now.” I (Chǎn) wanted to argue more than this. But because Âi'Ker’s uncle was also present, and I (Chǎn) am not close enough with him to complain about Senior Phîi Khǎi for him to see me (Chǎn), I (Chǎn) lowered my (Chǎn) head in a gesture of acceptance. But later tonight we will talk again.

“Then another matter…shall we go now, Khráp?”

The thirty-six-year-old uncle who is still handsome asked with a business-like manner, until I (Chǎn) blinked rapidly. But Senior Phîi Khǎi also grabbed my (Chǎn) hand tightly, then nodded at the other party.

“Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

The question that the other two men refused to answer.

“After receiving all the assets from the death of her previous Phûa, she then used a portion of the money to invest in a business with a friend. But because of losses, the friend took all the money and fled. And not long after that, she got married to a widower with a stepchild. But because the other party was heavily addicted to gambling, most of the assets were thus squandered completely. As far as I know, no matter what she invested in, it (man) often incurred losses until having to close down several times, until only this noodle shop remains, which has been operating for about three years. But as far as following the matter, she has been unable to pay the rent to the landlord for two months already.”

I (Chǎn) was listening to Uncle Phért’s words entering my (Chǎn) left ear and exiting my (Chǎn) right ear, because my (Chǎn) eyes were staring through the car window with dark tinted film at a middle-aged woman who was standing scolding her Phûa in front of a boat noodle shop without customers. The person being chased turned to point at her face and scold back, turning into a war of a Phûa and Miia fighting where anyone would turn their face away.

That woman…Phôo’s ex-Miia.

“Besides that, I also heard that she signed as a guarantor for this Phûa’s stepchild until debts piled up over her head.” Uncle Phért, who was in the driver’s position, turned to make eye contact with me (Chǎn).

“Khun Khǒng-khǎit contacted Uncle because he wanted to sue to claim the rights of a youth he is taking care of, so that he should receive what is rightfully his. Uncle therefore had people help follow the matter. At first, Uncle didn’t know it (man) was Tǎem. Even though Uncle had heard some of the story from Ker already, Uncle therefore wants to ask Tǎem if you (Thooe) want Uncle to proceed with the matter for you (Thooe).” I (Chǎn) didn’t know how to answer Uncle Phért’s question, so I (Chǎn) turned to look Senior Phîi Khǎi in the eye.

“I requested him to help follow the matter since the day you (Thooe) cried.”

I (Chǎn) pursed my (Chǎn) lips together, then turned to look at the woman who pointed at my (Chǎn) face and scolded me (Chǎn) in the middle of the market, saying I (Chǎn) am a jinx.

Is this the beautiful woman who once walked in to trample on me (Chǎn) and Mâe Núk in the middle of Phôo’s funeral? The person who hired lawyers to manage all the inheritance, until me (Chǎn) and Mâe had difficulty almost dying. But that woman was standing with tears flowing in front of an old noodle shop, shouting curses at her new Phûa, throwing things after him, before letting her body fall down to sit covering her face. And she looked more pitiful than me (Chǎn) ten years ago.

Is she the same person?

“She…has nothing left to return to Tǎem, Looei, Khráp, Senior Phîi Khǎi.”

“But Tǎem has rights as an heir who received inheritance assets.” Uncle Phért told me (Chǎn). But I (Chǎn) shook my (Chǎn) head slowly.

“Even Mâe Núk doesn’t think about that amount of money anymore. Why would Tǎem think about it (man), Looei, Khráp? And she…has already received the consequences of what she did.” I (Chǎn) still looked at that woman, then turned back to Senior Phîi Khǎi who was sitting in the front seat paired with the car owner. After that, I (Chǎn) extended my (Chǎn) hand, which Senior Phîi Khǎi also grabbed immediately, squeezing to give encouragement, until I (Chǎn) took a deep breath.

“But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t owe regarding Tǎem’s feelings.”

I (Chǎn) won’t sue her. Won’t add insult to injury on the day she is having difficulty, like the day she added to the wounds of us, Mâe and child, who lost our Phôo. But I (Chǎn) still received something entrusted from her. And I (Chǎn) think it (man) is time to return it (man) all to her. Until I (Chǎn) let go of Senior Phîi Khǎi’s hand. And then I (Chǎn) stepped down from the car, walked straight to the woman who was sitting slumped, crying.

“What karma is this of mine (Kuu)? What karma that I (Kuu) have to encounter this?!”

I (Chǎn) heard her lamenting to herself, until I (Chǎn) clenched my (Chǎn) hand tighter.

My (Chǎn) shadow fell over her body. And she was also looking up at me (Chǎn). The moment she saw me (Chǎn), she froze, before hurriedly springing up to stand, making a gesture as if I (Chǎn) were an enemy from a past life.

“How can you (mueng) be here?!” She looked ashamed of her condition. But I (Chǎn) don’t care about those things. I (Chǎn) just spoke slowly, clearly, to let her know that I (Chǎn) am not what she once said to my (Chǎn) face. It (man) is time I (Chǎn) should be able to heal this wound.

“I just came to tell you (Khun), Khráp, that I am not a jinx. Not a nuisance in anyone’s life.”

She looked at me (Chǎn) with wary suspicion. While I (Chǎn) sent a smile to her.

“I may not have value in your (Khun) eyes. But I have value for many other people who are by my side. And I am not a nuisance. At the very least, I have enough value for one person to choose to love and stay by my side. Today, I return the words you (Khun) said to me, Khráp. And want you (Khun) to remember. I am a youth born with love, Khráp.”

I (Chǎn) looked into her eyes calmly, seeing many curse words ready to come out of the mouth of the person in front. She was just stunned, still thinking of something to retort with. And I (Chǎn) told her as the final sentence.

“I wish you (Khun) good luck, Khráp.”

I (Chǎn) will not resent her. Because if she hadn’t swallowed all the inheritance, Senior Phîi Khǎi would not have had the chance to extend a hand to help Mâe. Mâe would not have contacted him. He would not have known about me (Chǎn). And we would not have had the chance to meet each other. If that money is exchanged for me (Chǎn) getting to meet the man named Khǒng-khǎit, I (Chǎn) also don’t think to reclaim it (man).

What was lost cannot compare at all to the love I (Chǎn) have received now.

“Âi'Damned-youth! You (mueng) came to pity me (Kuu), right? Âi'Shit-lizard!!!”

She probably found her voice now. But I (Chǎn) don’t care. I (Chǎn) just walked up into Uncle Phért’s car, looked at my (Chǎn) friend’s uncle’s face, then stopped at Senior Phîi Khǎi.

“Is this good, then?” I (Chǎn) smiled.

“Mmm. This is the best, Khráp.”

If a hundred or a thousand billion were placed in front of me (Chǎn) in exchange for this man extending his hand for me (Chǎn) to hold, I (Chǎn) would not agree to exchange it (man).

“Is this good, then?”

“Yes. The best, Khráp.”

Uncle Phért went back. As for me (Chǎn), I (Chǎn) was hugged by Senior Phîi Khǎi since the house entrance, asked the same question repeatedly, until I (Chǎn) had to turn to send a smile to him. The fog curtain in my (Chǎn) heart has completely dissolved, leaving only brightness. Even though I (Chǎn) just went to confront the woman who once scolded me (Chǎn) until I (Chǎn) collected it (man) as a complex in my (Chǎn) heart.

And I (Chǎn) felt even better when Senior Phîi Khǎi looked at me (Chǎn) with a concerned expression.

I (Chǎn) chose this, right?

I (Chǎn) held Senior Phîi Khǎi’s hand and walked into the house, with him following. After that, I (Chǎn) walked into the kitchen, asked in a bright voice.

“Do you (Khun) want to eat anything, Khráp? In a moment, Tǎem will make it (man). Or should we go out to eat?”

“Should we order? You (Thooe) must be tired already.” I (Chǎn) don’t know why he would worry. Before, I (Chǎn) worked several part-time jobs. Just the clothing store, one day I (Chǎn) almost didn’t get to sit. This is just sitting in the car and then returning, not even two hours. What tiredness, Looei? However, his concern made me (Chǎn) raise a faint smile.

“I'm not tired, Khráp. Do you (Khun) know why?”

He shook his head, until I (Chǎn) pointed a finger at my (Chǎn) chest.

“Because Tǎem has Senior Phîi Khǎi, Khráp.” I (Chǎn) laughed a little more when he made a face of not understanding. I (Chǎn) thus agreed to pause the cooking matter first, walked close to him, held his hand, then swung it (man) like children. But my (Chǎn) eyes also refused to leave anywhere other than the sharp eyes that I (Chǎn) once thought were fierce and Ruthless. But now I (Chǎn) know they are warmer than anyone.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi asked if I'm sure, right…right, Khráp?” Senior Phîi Khǎi nodded.

“Tǎem’s answer is that I'm sure. No matter how much she once made Tǎem cry, blame myself (Chǎn), think that I'm a nuisance or pitiable, but isn’t Senior Phîi Khǎi the one who told Tǎem to know that it (man) isn’t like that? Tǎem’s self has value. Mâe gave birth to Tǎem with love. Phôo protected Tǎem. Mâe Núk is always concerned about Tǎem. And Tǎem also has a younger sister like Thîi-rák. Most importantly…Senior Phîi Khǎi is the person who made Tǎem understand how much value myself (Chǎn) has to someone.”

I (Chǎn) stood on my (Chǎn) tiptoes to press a light kiss on Senior Phîi Khǎi’s mouth.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi made Tǎem know what it (man) is like to be loved by someone, right, Khráp? Tǎem doesn’t care anymore what that woman says. As long as Senior Phîi Khǎi sees Tǎem’s value…I'm the happiest already.”

“Come here, come.”

Senior Phîi Khǎi pulled me (Chǎn) into a hug until I (Chǎn) could barely breathe. I (Chǎn) myself also hugged him back, perceiving the warm kisses that touched my (Chǎn) temple, with the deep voice that whispered by my (Chǎn) ear.

“You (Thooe) will be my beloved forever.”

“Mmm. Tǎem already knows. Because Senior Phîi Khǎi tells Tǎem he loves me (Chǎn) every day, all the time, Ná.” I (Chǎn) pulled Senior Phîi Khǎi’s face closer so that our nose tips rubbed together. Now I (Chǎn) have gotten used to this level of closeness. Not that my (Chǎn) heart doesn’t swell anymore. It (man) still swells every time. But I (Chǎn) am just familiar with this man’s warmth.

“Tǎem’s name, right?”

I (Chǎn) held a smile in my (Chǎn) mouth, looked at the other party who froze.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi has never called Tǎem just ‘Tǎem’, right?”

It (man) isn’t an interrogative sentence. But a declarative sentence that tells him I (Chǎn) already know.

“The first time we met, what did Senior Phîi Khǎi call Tǎem, Ná?”

The first time we met at Mâe’s small wedding reception, he greeted me (Chǎn) as…

“Je t’aime.”

Senior Phîi Khǎi called me (Chǎn) again with a French accent. Which I (Chǎn) just recently realized not long ago that it (man) isn’t calling my (Chǎn) name every time he calls my (Chǎn) name. But Senior Phîi Khǎi told me (Chǎn) he loves me (Chǎn) from the first time we met. And told me (Chǎn) he loves…

“At that time, were you (Khun) calling my (Chǎn) name or telling me (Chǎn) you (Khun) love me (Chǎn), Khráp?”

Senior Phîi Khǎi also made my (Chǎn) heart swell again, happy until not caring anymore how anyone will look at me (Chǎn), as long as this man is by my (Chǎn) side. Because he answered me (Chǎn) that…

“I told you (Thooe) I love you (Thooe).”

See? Senior Phîi Khǎi is more valuable than everything I (Chǎn) have ever received in this life.