MA Chapter 31: Innocent vs. Worldly-Wise

Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem

“I coincidentally met the former Miia of my Phôo, Khráp. Feeeeed.”

“Want another one?”

“Hmm, I can do it myself.”

“Blow your nose.”

Snuffle... “Heeeeed.”

Right now, I am like a three-year-old. Not only am I being carried by Senior Phîi Khǎi to sit on the sofa, but he is also using a tissue to pinch my nose and ordering me to blow. When I said I could do it myself, he looked over with fierce eyes, until I could only obediently comply. After that, he started wiping my face and eyes, speaking with concern.

“Your (Thooe) eyes are bruised... want an ice pack?”

I shook my head, hugged him, feeling much more at ease already. But I refused to get up from the embrace.

Earlier, when I saw Senior Phîi Khǎi's face, I cried as if I were dying. All my endurance had collapsed.

It was as if my heart knew that I could show weakness to this man, and he would not pity me, would not look down on me. He would stay by my side and comfort me until I felt better.

Now I am well enough to talk to him. So I told him what someone said to my face.

Senior Phîi Khǎi must have known about this from Mâe Núk already, because he didn't look surprised at all that my Phôo had three Miias, and it was complicated. He just hugged me, consoling me not to listen to what that woman said. Even though I agreed, it's unavoidable that I would accidentally think about it.

After all, this matter is still too much to pretend it never happened.

I have a complex about being a nuisance to everyone because of that woman's words. But this time, I won't let it destroy me again. Senior Phîi Khǎi is right. Others may not see my value, but I must see my own value... the life my Phôo and real Mâe gave me, and that Mâe Núk has always protected.

Though there is one phrase I still keep thinking about.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi... she said Thǎem is the person who caused Phôo's death.”

“Don't listen to her.”

“But I... can't remember the night Phôo died, Khráp, Senior Phîi Khǎi.” I looked up at him fearfully. This is one thing I have tried not to think about all along. The day Phôo died, I woke up already knowing that Phôo had passed away. While the memory is blurry, whenever I try to remember something, something tells me not to think about it.

“It's in the past, Chôoe-Tǎem. Don't pay attention to the words of people like that.” I bowed my head, then closed my eyes, letting Senior Phîi Khǎi wipe my face.

“That's right, Ná.” I myself didn't want to think about it and cry and whine again. Just now I made my eyes and head hurt all over.

I think I must have been repressing it. When I cry, it's one big sob.

“But do you want to get it back?”

“Huh?” I opened my eyes again, looking at Senior Phîi Khǎi in confusion.

“What she took. Do you want to reclaim it or not?” I still didn't understand Senior Phîi Khǎi's question, and he added on. “You (Thooe) have the right to reclaim what is legally yours (Thooe).”

Senior Phîi Khǎi spoke just like Âi'Ker. It itself also teasingly told me to ask if his family should help file a lawsuit. But I have always refused, even now...

“I don't want to see her again.” I might be angry at her, hate her, but above all else, I don't want to orbit around and meet the woman who cursed my parents again. Both I and Mâe aren't struggling like when Phôo just died. Mâe is happy with her new family. I myself am happy with my current life. There's no benefit in digging up old matters.

I don't want to see her face and get cursed until I cry again.

“She said I must be a Miia nôi like Mâe. I'm not like that, right?” I looked up at Senior Phîi Khǎi, making the person who was earnestly trying to nurse my unpresentable face frown sharply.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi hasn't married anyone before, right?”

“Hmm.”

“You (Phîi) didn't register a marriage and then I find out later, right? I don't want to be anyone's Miia nôi, Ná. I don't want to be a kept wife either.” I asked apprehensively. And let-me-die, the stern-faced person actually laughed. That Khǎi really laughed, laughed not just a sound in his throat. He laughed out loud, then pinched my nose.

“I already have a Miia.”

Thump.

My heart dropped to my ankles. I didn't want to meet the same fate as my real Mâe. Didn't want to suffer like Mâe Núk, where another woman still holds the marriage certificate and claims the right as the principal wife for sure. And that made my face grow increasingly upset, the kind that made Senior Phîi Khǎi himself look surprised. But before I could say or do anything.

“It's you (Thooe).” He stroked my cheek.

“What are you thinking? I only have you (Thooe).”

How crazy, Ná. Senior Phîi Khǎi just speaks briefly, bluntly, in a monotone voice. But it still made me smile.

“I'ms a man, Ná.”

“I don't see how gender is related. My editor also married a man.” I widened my eyes, looked at that Khǎi who nodded, then added on.

“Kneeled and proposed at the Empire State Building.”

“Oooh.”

So revealing.

For some things, I could only look at Senior Phîi Khǎi blankly. He acts as if these things are normal, until I become suspicious.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi... Thǎem has never asked, but you (Phîi)... how do you (Phîi) know how to do it with a man?” my cheeks were hot, but I wanted to know. I do know where men do it, but I don't know to the extent of how to do it. Which, upon thinking about it carefully, Senior Phîi Khǎi is very skilled, too. The first time, I even woke up with the word 'amazing' in my head. Which must mean Senior Phîi Khǎi must have been through it extensively, right...

With a stern-faced man like this?

“In high school, a friend in the dorm taught me.”

“Huh?” I widened my eyes. As for Senior Phîi Khǎi, he recounted it like a normal story.

“Woke up in the middle of the night and found him giving me head. After that, we did it several times. But that side already had a romantic partner. It was just like youth's fun and games.”

“Fun and games!” I never thought something like this was fun and games.

“How many people has Senior Phîi Khǎi been through?”

“Hmm.” What is this, Senior Phîi Khǎi raising his hand to count fingers, huh? Until I grabbed the penguin-print throw pillow to hit his shoulder. Does he have no intention of keeping anything secret at all? Planning to tell everything I ask, huh? And it's crazy. I am afraid of being compared to others.

“No, I doesn't want to know anymore. Won't listen anymore.”

“Is this jealousy?”

I hate the stern-faced person who asks with a perfectly straight face.

“I don't know either! Are you (Phîi) going to answer everything truthfully?”

“If you (Thooe) want to know, I'll tell you (Thooe).” Like when you (Phîi) rubbed the sex toys together? Eek!

“Does that mean there's nothing about that Khǎi that's a secret?”

Hey, why the silence?

I looked up into his eyes and found that Senior Phîi Khǎi averted his eyes for the first time. Plus, his gaze even turned to look at the study door, which is like the land of the dead in my perception.

Before, I was afraid. But now I am starting to want to know, heh.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi, Thǎem requests...”

Ring.

Before I could finish my request, the phone rang first. So I quickly grabbed it to look and found it was Phîi Hǔu, until I hesitated. Since I am with Senior Phîi Khǎi. But with Phîi Hǔu, I have never neglected his messages even once. For me, Phîi Hǔu is more than just a listener. He is like an older brother, to the point that for a period, I even accidentally thought he was more special than that.

From the first time I started being a DJ on Garena, Phîi Hǔu was one of the first to listen regularly, pressed VIP for me, kept sending diamonds, sending gifts. When anyone caused trouble in the channel, he would come out to handle it. Asked about my well-being regularly. Therefore, he is somewhat more special than others. Until I turned to look at Senior Phîi Khǎi uncertainly.

“Answer it first, Thòe.” The person speaking acted like he would get up, but I grabbed his arm.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi, Phîi Hǔu is a listener on Garena, where I’ve been a DJ for a year now. When Têl came the other day and I sang, that was from the show too. And the reason I keep talking a lot, talking to myself all the time, is because I’m hosting. P’Huu is just a listener. Is it okay if I talk with him?” I wanted to tell Senior Phîi Khǎi first.

I don't know. Maybe I wanted to tell him to put his mind at ease.

But sometimes, it might be more to affirm my own peace of mind about where my heart lies.

I am happy talking with Phîi Hǔu. But I am happier being with Senior Phîi Khǎi.

Âi'Ker once said Phîi Hǔu was pursuing me. Even though my mouth didn't believe it, deep in my heart, I somewhat knew already. And I have also smiled happily seeing his messages.

The one that sent "I understand." Senior Phîi Khǎi just said that much, so I felt a bit more at ease at the moment I bowed to look at the message.

However much, if I had looked up at Senior Phîi Khǎi, I would have seen him staring intently at my screen.

***

“Chôoe-Tǎem, is it this one or not?”

“Senior Phîi Khǎi, don't you know silken tofu, Khráp?”

A face like this, definitely doesn't know.

Today, I came out shopping with Senior Phîi Khǎi because the supermarket where I am a member sent the monthly coupons. Upon seeing that rice was very cheap, how could I miss it? So now I am walking like a trolley along the aisles, looking at every discounted item and then using the membership card for more discounts. And I was afraid Senior Phîi Khǎi would be bored with me being meticulous, calculating every baht, so I asked him to help go grab some silken tofu for me. But you know what condition he returned in?... Carrying every type full in his arms.

Imagine a handsome man who should be walking on a fashion street in slacks and a dark-colored shirt, wearing a famous brand leather belt, standing hugging tofu in the middle of a mall... doesn't fit, doesn't fit.

Besides that, what he brought didn't include a single silken tofu.

“Isn't it this one?”

“No.”

“Then should we buy all of them?”

“No, Khráp. I only want silken tofu.” my neck just dropped.

I watched the tall person weave through housewives back to the fresh produce section again. And it's hilarious. Everyone made way as if a Hong Kong mafia boss was passing by.

Hmm, the fierce face still works every time.

I think others probably look at Senior Phîi Khǎi the way I used to. But nowadays, I instead find his fiercely intense face adorable to death. So I couldn't help but become a trolley following. I also wanted to know how many more minutes a person who has never done grocery shopping, never bought things for the house, would stand staring at the tofu shelf.

Now I can picture it when Senior Phîi Khǎi went to buy frozen food for me. He probably bought every type hoping I would like at least one. I don't even want to say that the fridge is still full, some have even expired.

“Here's silken tofu. The regular kind or the egg white kind... Hahahaha, a face like this, definitely doesn't know, Ná.”

Who's that?

It turned out I myself was the one who froze, when I craned my neck to look and found that Senior Phîi Khǎi wasn't alone. He was standing with another good-looking man who was a bit shorter than him, smiling widely, patting Senior Phîi Khǎi's shoulder so familiarly that I frowned. I don't know why I didn't dare walk out.

“Want both kinds?” That man asked. Senior Phîi Khǎi shook his head, but...

“Must be only one kind, right? I don't think it's egg white tofu. Probably the yellow tube silken tofu. How many tubes?... Didn't ask him again.” Why can they read each other's minds just by looking, huh? Senior Phîi Khǎi didn't say a single word, until I blinked rapidly. But it was too late to hide when Senior Phîi Khǎi turned around and our eyes met.

So I walked over to him, looked up at the stranger who gave me a wide smile.

“Hello, Khráp. You're Nông Chôoe-Tǎem, right? My name is Pòk-pông. You can call me Pông. I'm a close friend of Âi'Khǎi.”

Huh, a friend?

The owner of the warm smile that made his sharp face even more handsome looked at me with an affectionate smile.

“Uh, Khráp. How do you (Phîi) know me?”

“Âi'Khǎi told me (Kuu). Heh heh. Every morning, afternoon, evening, Khráp.” He said jokingly, glancing at Senior Phîi Khǎi.
But I fell silent.

“The person who said he was a patissier.” Senior Phîi Khǎi added a bit more.

“Khráp. I run a dessert shop. But it's just a small shop, Ná. I don't know if Nông Thǎem remembers or not. I was the one who made the welcome cake for Nông Thǎem when you moved in with. At that time, Nông Thǎem probably saw him sitting thinking over and over about what to write on the cake face.”

“Pông.”

“Okay, okay. I (Kuu) won't spill anymore. But by the way, just now was funny, huh. I (Kuu) was wondering who looked familiar standing there dazed. Came closer and it's clear, it's my (Kuu) friend. Dazed because he couldn't find silken tofu, too.” Phîi Pông laughed heartily, patted Senior Phîi Khǎi's shoulder two more times, the kind that made Senior Phîi Khǎi's head sway a bit. But what struck me was that he could read Senior Phîi Khǎi's mood too, until I accidentally blurted out.

“Does Phîi Pông understand Senior Phîi Khǎi that much, Khráp?”

“To the point of reading his mind just by looking at his eyes, Khráp, Nông Thǎem.” Phîi Pông smiled widely, turned to nod at the other person. And Senior Phîi Khǎi himself also nodded in acknowledgment, telling me flatly.

“Pông knows my heart the best.”

“Saying things like that, Nông will misunderstand later.”

Yeah, I also understand what jealousy feels like!

This Phîi Pông seems like a good-natured person. But why do I dislike him without being able to explain? Maybe it's because of the hand still draped around Senior Phîi Khǎi's shoulder.

“By the way, are you going somewhere else later or not?”

“No.”

“Then good. Drop by my house later. Come along, Khráp, Nông Thǎem.” I couldn't smile, but also didn't dare refuse when this person is Senior Phîi Khǎi's close friend. And I definitely wasn't imagining it that Senior Phîi Khǎi himself seemed happy to meet a friend, because the corner of his mouth lifted, his eyes looked more relaxed than usual. But what made me unable to stop thinking... talking every morning, afternoon, evening.

This, Nîi! What! Even though Thǎem lives in the same house with you (Phîi), I get to talk with you (Phîi) less than you (Phîi) talk with your friend.

“Make yourself comfortable, Khráp, Nông Thǎem.”

“Khráp. Thank you, Khráp.”

“Âi'Khǎi, help me (Kuu) make coffee.”

After finishing shopping, Senior Phîi Khǎi drove me to a cute cake shop near the school. But because I knew he studied in France, plus he's skilled to the point that someone with a heavy mouth praises, I thought the shop would be bigger than this. But I hadn't explored for long before he led me up to the third floor and found that the upper floor was a residence.

It's beautiful.

A wide room, high ceilings, surrounded by glass, and there's also a staircase leading to a loft that seems to be the bedroom. If not told, there's no way to know there's a beautiful room hidden in the shop house where the lower floor is a cake shop. Simply put though, I lost interest in Phîi Pông's house when the owner told his close friend about the coffee maker.

Senior Phîi Khǎi himself also put down what he was carrying and walked to open the cabinet as if knowing what was where, making coffee skillfully until the fragrant smell wafted over to me sitting on the sofa set. My gaze only looked at the backs of the two men who were close and familiar with each other. The conversation flowed even more smoothly than when Senior Phîi Khǎi is with me.

He said he's been through a lot. And what about Phîi Pông...

Suddenly, I bit my lip tight when remembering what Senior Phîi Khǎi once said... he slept with a friend in the dorm.

And what about with this close friend?

Gulp.

I accidentally swallowed hard, looked at the shoulders of the two good-looking, tall men who were close together. Felt that these two had almost no distance between them. And no matter what that Khǎi said, it seemed Phîi Pông already knew his mind. No, wait, he didn't even need to speak. Phîi Pông would hand this and that over without needing to be asked.

What level of closeness is this, huh?

“Warm latte, Khráp. I don't know if Khǎi has ever made coffee for Nông Thǎem to taste, but I guarantee it's delicious, Ná. More skilled than me who runs a dessert shop.” Phîi Pông placed a small coffee cup full of soft milk foam in front of me. But what made me freeze was probably the answer of the person still busy in front of the coffee maker.

“But you (mueng) were the one who taught me.”

“Hahahaha. Well, the student has surpassed the teacher.”

“Phîi Pông and Senior Phîi Khǎi are really close, Khráp.” I remarked softly.

“We are close, Khráp... often confide in each other.” Phîi Pông said simply, then turned to look at Senior Phîi Khǎi with an amused gaze.

“We used to meet every week. But nowadays, it's canceled. Changed to him video calling me instead.” I froze the hand holding the cup. I never knew when he video calls. And why, when he went to America, he didn't call me even once, but instead calls his friend?

“Senior Phîi Khǎi never called me.” I blurted out. And that made Phîi Pông smile even wider, looking at my eyes steadily.

“Because I am special to Khǎi, Khráp.”

Thump.

I was stunned, felt like being slapped in the face. Looked at the other party's face in disbelief, felt like meeting an adversary I couldn't fight. While Senior Phîi Khǎi also walked over with two cups of coffee, handed one to Phîi Pông, then shook his head.

“What are you playing at?”

“I (Kuu) am not playing.”

“Want to play the villain or something?”

“He calls it payback. You (mueng) have played the villain for me (Kuu) before.”

“I (Kuu) am also the villain in everyone's eyes.”

What? What are you (Phîi) two talking about? Why are you (Phîi) showing off your closeness for me to see!

I didn't understand what the two of them were talking about. It was like the two of them understood each other. While I also gripped the coffee cup tighter, pressed my lips together into a straight line. But had to be stunned when suddenly Phîi Pông reached out to wrap his arm around the waist of Senior Phîi Khǎi, who was standing beside the chair, turned to meet my eyes, then said simply.

“Isn't Âi'Khǎi the hero of Nông Thǎem, Khráp? Then I want him back.”

“Pông!” Senior Phîi Khǎi called his friend in a strong voice. But why didn't you (Phîi) remove the hand on your (Phîi) waist, huh!

While my hands trembled, trembled until the coffee in the cup almost spilled. So I quickly placed it down, stood up abruptly.

“I... I'm going home!”

I am angry. Very angry. I never thought I would meet someone declaring war so blatantly. But this, I wasn't imagining it, right, that Senior Phîi Khǎi's friend is declaring war on me? Is telling me he is superior? Is telling me he knows Senior Phîi Khǎi better? And I can't fight it. And if you (Phîi) two are this close, why bring me to see this hurtful scene!

For sure, this Phîi Pông must have been more than a friend to Senior Phîi Khǎi!

“Chôoe-Tǎem, wait!”

“I'm going home. Let me go!”

Bang!!!

“Phûa, Khráp!!! Miia is here. Hey!!!”

Senior Phîi Khǎi rushed over to grab my arm. I myself also shook to escape, would dash out of the room. But I hadn't even taken two good steps before the front door swung open, followed by the bright voice of a person who shouted unabashedly. And the newcomer widened his eyes, shouted loudly at the scene he saw.

“Senior Phîi Khǎi, are you hitting on my someone when Phîi's sweetie isn't around?!” That youth rushed over immediately. But didn't grab to separate me and Senior Phîi Khǎi, who were pulling at each other. Instead, he was... lunging to hug the homeowner's waist.

The person who was laughing so cheerfully that I turned to glare. But instead met the eyes of the newcomer who announced loudly.

“This is Gôk, Ná.”

I was so taken aback, couldn't steady myself to understand what was happening. Especially the person who had just declared war on me was hugging that young man tightly, pressing his nose heavily against the cheek, saying in an even gentler voice.

“Âi'Khǎi is coming to eat at our house today, Ná.”

“Why didn't you tell me earlier? Today, I (Kuu) went to the trouble of asking Mâe to let me stay over at Phîi Pông's house. I (Kuu) came straight from home, Ná. Ee-iang style, meaning as soon as Phîi Pông puts it in, it fits perfectly, Ná.” my face grew hotter and hotter. Aren't they speaking in double entendres for me to fixate on? And what's that? What is Phîi Pông squeezing that youth's butt for?

“We'll talk about it tonight, Khráp.”

“If we're talking about it tonight, why are you grabbing my (Kuu) butt?”

“Because it's soft, Nîi.”

“Phîi Pông saying this, what can Gôk say?”

My mouth hung open wider and wider. While Senior Phîi Khǎi also placed his hand on my shoulder, then said with a weary voice.

“That's Gôk. Pông's romantic partner.”

“Huh?” I turned to look at Senior Phîi Khǎi's face in shock, then turned to look at the homeowner's face, which had a radiant smile.

“Just now, was Nông Thǎem jealous of Âi'Khǎi?”

Of course, I couldn't speak. And as if silence was the best answer. While Phîi Pông also changed from a challenging smile to an understanding smile, speaking in a tone similar to consoling.

“I'm sorry for playing too much, Khráp. If Nông Thǎem was jealous, I'm happy for my friend. Phîi and Khǎi are just friends, Khráp. Just now was just testing a little something... consider it debt repaid, Khǎi.” At the end of the sentence, Phîi Pông told Senior Phîi Khǎi, which made me even more confused. And the person who explained wasn't the two tall men. It was the young man with red lips.

“Don't tell me Phîi Pông was teasing to make Senior Phîi Khǎi's little-one jealous?”

I frowned... Senior Phîi Khǎi's little-one is me?

“Hmm. Well, in the past, I (Kuu) dragged him in to get hated by Nông Gôk, Nîi.” Once the homeowner nodded, that youth exclaimed 'aha,' before running to stop in front of me, giving me a smile.

“Don't be angry with Phîi Pông, Khráp, Senior. It's like this, Khráp. In the past, Phîi Pông used Senior Phîi Khǎi to tease me (Kuu) to make me (Kuu) jealous, so I (Kuu) would know my (Kuu) own heart quickly. And I (Kuu) really hated Senior Phîi Khǎi. Every time I (Kuu) saw his face, I (Kuu) only bared my (Kuu) fangs at him. Phîi Pông also felt guilty for dragging a friend into it. So he's paying it back. Probably accidentally made you (Phîi) jealous of Senior Phîi Khǎi in return. But if you (Phîi) were jealous, then it means you (Phîi) and Senior Phîi Khǎi have a happy ending, right? From now on, Senior Phîi Khǎi won't have to call and disturb my (Kuu) and Phîi Pông's time anymore, Ná.” my face grew redder and redder, looking at everyone who was concluding the same thing: that I was jealous. And I am not brave or shameless enough to declare outright that yes.

“Sorry on behalf of these two, Ná.”

Senior Phîi Khǎi placed his hand on my shoulder, said in a tired voice but looked afraid that I would be angry until shaking slowly.

“No... it's okay, Khráp.”

“This pair is quite open, Ná.”

“Well, no need to hide, right, Ná? Phîi Pông.” The junior named Gôk turned to smile at the homeowner. And that Pông quickly pressed a kiss to his junior's mouth.

“We're quite naughty, us.”

Sniffle... “Only one kiss?”

He cried out innocently. It's not like there are guests, right? But the junior instead whined that he wanted more. And that made me open my mouth agape. Before I could see more, Senior Phîi Khǎi instead raised his hand to cover both my eyes.

“Chôoe-Tǎem is watching, Ná.”

Why act like I am the only little-one here? That Nông Gôk looks even younger than me.

“Oh? Haven't you (Phîi) two done anything yet? You said you (Phîi) successfully pursued him. So slow.” Even though my eyes were covered, my ears could hear every word clearly. And I chose to hold Senior Phîi Khǎi's hand to cover my face even more. Honestly, I felt instantly embarrassed when meeting this Nông Gôk.

Even if it's just a kiss, shouldn't things like this be done in private!

Is it that I am too innocent, or is that junior too worldly-wise?