MA Chapter 27: The Morning of Change

Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem

I have a confession to make... I didn't think that last night we would cross that line, to the point of having sex.

When I asked Khǎi if he wasn't going to do it, I was only thinking of the time we rubbed those parts together and it felt good. The limits of my knowledge only went that far. So, when Khǎi lifted my hips, making me feel weightless and then licked... uh, there, swiping back and forth, and then, uh, penetrated, deeply, very deeply, I was almost scared to death. But I didn't even have the strength to resist him. It was like Khǎi had sucked away all my energy.

That place felt incredibly intense for me, both front and back, with throbbing in my lower abdomen. So how could someone with zero experience like me have had the presence of mind to tell Khǎi he was mistaken?

I didn't ask for sex. But when it actually happened... I felt happy instead.

It was more than just having sex. Amidst the throbbing sensations, with my mind foggy and floating as if drugged, I could feel Khǎi's tenderness. His touch that imprinted itself on my skin. His hands that caressed my entire body. Touches in places I had never even touched myself.

Everything made me realize just how much he cherished me.

If given the choice again, I would probably choose this same path.

In my imagination, I thought something of Khǎi's size thrusting in would make my guts spill out. But in reality... it was absolutely amazing.

I don't want to be a bad youth in anyone's eyes, Khráp. But I truly felt that way. Even though waking up made my ass sting so much my legs shook, and it also felt like something was stuck inside there the whole time, waking up to see the person who cherished me holding me tightly, sound asleep beside me, made me close my eyes tightly and hug the blanket.

So embarrassing.

If anything surpassed the embarrassment, it was what actually woke me up, making me try to pull myself out of the embrace. But the stinging pain in my ass and sore hips made my face burn hot, feeling like my legs were still trembling. One hand braced against the bed, but the other hand slipped and braced against his chest.

Squelch

"Waaah, I'm awake, Khráp."

"Mmm." Before I could even complain, Khǎi, who seemed not fully awake yet, pulled me into a hug, making my eyes water. He squeezed his legs tightly against me. I tried to push his chest away.

"I had such a good dream, Khráp." Don't tell me Khǎi thought I was a dream. But it seemed that way, as he looked at me with a gentle gaze that held no trace of his usual sternness. His two hands, which had been afraid to touch me, now caressed my bare back, sliding down to stroke my hips before squeezing my round buttocks. And then...

"Eeeeeek!" I let out a cry immediately when he jerked my buttocks towards him until our fronts pressed together.

"Kh-Khǎi, don't..." Instead, Khǎi pressed a kiss to my earlobe, sending a jolt through me. My body yielded, but I tried with all my might to shake my head.

"Just a little more, Khráp."

Eeeeek, wake up, Khǎi! Don't!

I whimpered internally, using all my strength to try and squeeze my thighs together. But he bent down to press a light kiss on my lips. The hand holding my buttocks massaged them in circles until I was throbbing all over. And this throbbing only further stimulated my body's reactions. So, when he scattered kisses all over my face and then moved his hand to grasp my front part...

"Eeeeeeeeeek!"

"Chôoe-Tǎem?"

Because... "Hrk." I sobbed in my throat as Khǎi's eyes flew open wide. It seemed he had fully woken up in an instant.

"I-I, I said don't, I..." my tears rolled down, hitting my cheeks with embarrassment, before I spoke in a voice so soft it was barely audible.

"I... need to pee."

It wasn't just needing to go. It had already leaked onto Khǎi's hand.

That was it. I raised both hands to cover my face, sobbing from shame. Because waking up this early wasn't due to body aches. It was from needing to pee. And then with Khǎi grabbing and stroking, I accidentally let it out. How could I not be embarrassed about this? I wanted to dig a hole and hide. But I still had to try and hold it in a little longer.

Squelch

"It's okay, it's okay, Khráp."

Easy for you to say it's okay! Why don't you try wetting yourself sometime!

I wanted to complain, but all I could do was bury my face against the arm that immediately scooped me up from the bed. Now, barely lucid, I just covered my face but not the lower part, crying in utter embarrassment. Plus, I had no strength to walk on my own, letting Khǎi carry me to the bathroom. And who taught that deadpan guy to do this?

"Let it out, Khráp."

After Khǎi set me down standing in front of the toilet, leaning my body back against him, Khǎi played with holding my thing and arched it towards the bowl. Did he think I was a two-year-old who couldn't pee standing up by myself? But when he said to let it out, I, who had been holding it for a while, just...

Sssssss...

Let out everything I had, along with Khǎi's hand. So I was both crying, leaning against Khǎi, and covering my face with my hands.

"It's okay, it's not dirty, Khráp."

Who thinks bodily waste isn't dirty, huh? Bloody fuck.

He still had the nerve to comfort me, but I couldn't speak anymore. I insisted on just leaning against his chest, hiding my face like that. Even when Khǎi picked me up again to take me and sit me in the bathtub. Then he pulled the showerhead over to clean me, but that wasn't enough. Did this young man not think I would be embarrassed at all? He went and squeezed liquid soap to wash my body with.

Yeah, not just washing my body. The front sausage, the back donut, the nipples—he cleaned everything. As for me... I just kept my face covered.

"Hrk... eeeek..." Then, I sobbed even harder because...

"It's okay, I'll take care of it, Khráp."

Khǎi seemed surprised. I couldn't see his face because I was hiding everything under my palms. But I knew he was holding my thing tenderly. This wasn't cleaning anymore; it was milking the liquid out.

Ugh, it's because I could feel his hands bathing me.

"Ah, hrk, Khǎi... Khǎi, waaaaah."

This time, all I could do was sit there squeezing my legs, covering my face, letting Khǎi release me to comfort myself. So this morning, I didn't just wet myself. I also released something else onto Khǎi's hand. So if I wasn't embarrassed now, when would I be?

Ten years, Mâe. I remember. I only crossed the threshold once, but it was like Khǎi took me through another world.

I called out for my Mâe before startling violently.

Ah, ah, Khǎi, Khǎi, you can stop stroking now. I have nothing left to release. Do you want to make me die from dehydration or something?

Amazing in many meanings.

After the incident in the bathroom, I was grabbed by Khǎi to get dressed, then carried and placed sitting on the sofa. I pulled my knees up to hug, dragged a pillow to cushion, and buried my face in the pillow again. And I wasn't sad. I was very embarrassed. I didn't care anymore if Khǎi wrecked the kitchen. I insisted on sitting here feeling embarrassed like this, not going anywhere.

As for classes... I'll skip them, Khráp. In this condition, going to class would surely get me teased.

"Can you eat anything?" However, when Khǎi looked worried about my condition, I relented and answered him.

"Bread is fine, Khráp. I bought some yesterday. I want one slice." Though my voice was only slightly louder than a mosquito flying by.

Not long after, two slices of toasted bread were brought and placed in front of me. One was spread with honey butter, the other with jam, as if letting me choose which I liked. So I pulled the slice thickly spread with jam over. Khǎi then got up to pour milk and place it beside me. After that, he returned to deal with the remaining slice and then... sat looking at my face.

"Khǎi, don't look, Khráp." I turned my face away because everything that happened was still too fresh, and I hadn't recovered yet.

"Can I look?" He was still himself, asking me first, making it half-serious, half-joking.

"I will charge money, Khráp."

He gave in first. "Hmm, how much is enough?" Khǎi made as if to really get up and get money, making me quickly grab his arm.

"I'm joking, joking, Khráp. Khǎi can look if you want. I'm just... embarrassed."

"Oh, here..."

"Khǎi!!!" I hurriedly called him loudly because Khǎi seemed to have no sense of embarrassment like me at all, saying it with a straight face. But he agreed to stop talking, reaching out to touch my cheek and pressing his palm against it until I inadvertently leaned my face into his hand.

"Don't be embarrassed. I think it's cute."

No matter when, Khǎi never changes his speaking style. His face remains still, his words are still direct, and also very short. But why is it that I am the strange one? Because no matter what he says, it always seems to make my heart flutter. Until I pulled the pillow to hit his shoulder several times, muttering that he's crazy, getting back at him for the bathroom incident.

He didn't say anything, willingly letting me hit him. Until I got tired myself, panting myself.

"I'm full. I want to sleep now, Khráp." I collapsed to lie down on the sofa because my whole body ached more than after working at the clothing store all day. As for Khǎi, he walked to take the plate and glass to put away in the kitchen. I was afraid he might break them, but I had no strength to get up and check. I still felt my thighs trembling.

So I grabbed my phone to LINE my close friend to say I'm skipping today, asking him to take notes for me too. Even though I felt that asking Ai'Ker might only get me chicken-scratch handwriting back.

After that, I closed my eyes to rest them, but then heard rustling sounds. Opening my eyes again, I saw that Khǎi was sitting cross-legged, pulling things out of three large suitcases. I don't know why he needed so much stuff. But my curiosity made me crane my neck to look a bit, though I was blocked by his broad back almost completely.

I saw a bag of famous-brand chocolate too.

Snap

"Not sleeping?" Suddenly, Khǎi turned around and made eye contact instantly, so I couldn't dodge in time. "I'm just leaning back, Khráp." I admit I was peeking. But Khǎi didn't say anything. He just got up from the suitcase and grabbed something to bring over to me.

"This is for you (Thooe)."

"Khráp?" I looked at the famous-brand chocolate in the arms of Khǎi, who was placing them arranged on the sofa, and repeated in surprise.

"A souvenir... is it small enough?"

I did tell him, didn't I, that if it was a small item, I would accept it. Since he remembered, a happy smile escaped me. Because this is exactly the kind of thing I dare to accept. Plus, it's the first souvenir I got from Khǎi. So I took the bag to look, thinking I probably wouldn't dare eat it. It's the first gift since we got together, after all.

"Thank you, Khráp." I hugged the bag tightly, watching Khǎi walk back to the suitcase again, then turned my attention to the cute piece of chocolate in its pretty packaging.

"And then this.... this, and this..."

I was enjoying looking at the chocolate when the person who went back to rummage through the suitcase returned again. And then he brought a box of cookies, marmalade, M\&Ms in a glass jar, and all sorts of sweets, arranging them until I had to sit up, looking at the quantity of souvenirs in shock, then glancing at the buyer's face.

That many? "Small pieces, but just many pieces." Was he making excuses to me? His voice softened.

"All of this is for me?" Khǎi nodded, but he added a bit more.

"Hmm, I saw things and wanted to buy them for you (Thooe)."

I don't like him wasting money. Just one box of chocolate would have made me happy. But when he said this, my heart softened. Especially when he asked so uncertainly.

"Can you (Thooe) accept it? I (Kuu) meant to bring it for you (Thooe)."

What could I do but mutter? "Just this once, Khráp."

This much could probably last a whole year. I wonder if it will expire before I finish it. Let's just say one large suitcase was packed full of snack souvenirs. And he even brought a paperweight shaped like the Goddess of Peace.

"Okay." I think Khǎi looked pleased. Then he got up and left again. This time, he didn't continue rummaging through the first suitcase because it only had snacks. But he was going to drag another suitcase over to open beside the sofa, making me start to feel suspicious. I craned my neck to look curiously, followed by shock.

"This is also for you (Thooe). This too. This as well."

And it wasn't just one piece! Khǎi was taking things out and arranging them on the coffee table, like a product display table.

First, there were three hats, followed by two pairs of shoes, t-shirts and shirts where just seeing the brand made me gasp, worried my wallet would tear, several pairs of pants, a genuine leather wallet, a jacket, and also two bottles of perfume and one shoulder bag.

"They're all for you (Thooe)."

"Huh?" my face right now must be ugly for sure, because my mouth was hanging open, unable to close. The second suitcase was all my stuff!

"Kh-Khǎi, but..."

"You (Thooe) said you'd accept it, right?"

Buying things, why do you have to look at me with that expression too? Biggest cheater ever.

"Khǎi, it's wasteful." I didn't even dare to price the things in his suitcase. Their total value must be so high I would die of shock. But Khǎi moved to hold my hand.

"If it's for you (Thooe), this much isn't much, Khráp." It isn't much for him, but it's enormous for me.

Then Khǎi interlaced his fingertips with mine, squeezing them tightly, and pulled them to gently kiss the back of my hand.

"Please accept it, Khráp." I turned to look at the multitude of things, even though I had vowed not to accept anything from anyone for free, to understand the value of money, to not spend wastefully. But I couldn't help feeling happy. The heart that I thought would be filled with regret over the money instead swelled, not because Khǎi paid a lot for me, but because he was telling me that the whole time he was over there, he was thinking of me.

It was more than happiness; it was being deeply moved.

Whether Khǎi gave me one bag of chocolate or all of this, I would still be happy.

"Just this once, Khráp." I could grant the favor, even if the one benefiting was me more.

"And there's one more thing."

"Wait! There's more?" Just like that, my smile snapped shut. Will I have to crawl after him asking if there's still more? How much did you spend! No, wait, then where did Khǎi put his own clothes and belongings? The last suitcase was much smaller than these two giants. So I could only shift closer, not caring anymore that my legs were shaking and my ass still hurt.

If he pulls out another branded item, I will foam at the mouth for him to see!

I stood frozen. "This is for you (Thooe)." However, the final item that came out of the third suitcase made me...

It wasn't a famous-brand souvenir. It wasn't something from a luxury shop. It wasn't clothes or shoes that you'd have to worry about getting dirty when wearing. Because it was... a stuffed animal.

"A gift for our being together."

I looked at Khǎi's face, my eyes wide.

It was a penguin stuffed animal!

The large fluffy lump in Khǎi's hand was definitely a penguin stuffed animal. And it was looking at me with meltingly adorable eyes, no different from the person holding it, who was saying this is a gift for our being together. But I was happier than that, my heart beating faster than that, because I had just mentioned liking penguins not long ago!

He and I are on the same wavelength.

I was so happy I inadvertently took it and hugged it tightly, burying my face in the soft fur that had a light, pleasant scent. And its softness made me rub my cheek against it vigorously, really liking this stuffed animal.

It was something to see, because this is exactly what I had always told Khǎi. An item that doesn't need to be expensive, just given with heart, that's enough to make me happy.

"Thank you, Khǎi, Khráp. I like it very much." I hugged it tightly, looked up to smile at Khǎi, then turned back to kiss the little penguin's beak.

"How did Khǎi know I like penguins?"

"...Happened to see it and thought of you (Thooe)." I didn't notice that Khǎi was silent for a moment before answering. I just hugged it tighter than before, rubbing my face against it, my heart beating wildly. I liked it more than all the other things Khǎi bought for me combined.

"Glad you (Thooe) like it, Khráp."

"I love it, Khráp."

Thump

I meant the penguin in my hands. But I said it while looking up and making eye contact with Khǎi, and then I had to freeze myself. Because what I saw wasn't a still, straight face, but his lips that were curving upwards. I don't know if Khǎi realized it, but he was truly smiling widely. His eyes looking at me were warm, making my heart flutter. And that prompted me to speak softly.

"I really love it, Khráp."

Khǎi was silent. Then he moved to sit beside me, reaching out to pull me to sit on his lap, which I didn't resist. Both hands were still holding the penguin.

"I want a reward, Khráp."

My lips trembled slightly as Khǎi bent down to kiss my lips softly. He didn't press and knead, or suck on them like yesterday. He just pressed his lips against mine until I trembled all over, throbbing all over. I closed my eyes to feel Khǎi's lips, which were trembling no differently.

We let our lips touch like that before Khǎi gave a gentle nibble and then pulled away to press his forehead against mine.

"I missed you (Thooe)."

I closed my eyes, absorbing Khǎi's warmth.

He once told me that this place here would be my place. I understand those words now. Just being able to sit on his lap, hug him, touch him, I feel that I have found it... a place that is always ready to welcome me.

I think I have found that someone for me. "Khǎi" who is mine.

"After finishing matters in San Francisco, I flew to New York. I was only there for two days, then came right back."

"Aren't you tired, Khráp?"

"Not really. I wanted to come back as fast as possible."

I spent the entire morning putting away the things Khǎi bought. We agreed that I would probably have to give a lot of the snacks to many people to help eat them. Otherwise, I alone definitely couldn't finish them. So I divided some to give to Mâe Núk, entrusted to Ker, Têl, and Khǎi also set aside a portion to give to his friend who is a pastry chef.

I'm starting to want to meet this friend of Khǎi's.

Thinking this, I sorted Khǎi's clothes into baskets by type, while my mouth chatted with him about his trip. Khǎi also told stories while helping me carry things to put away in the closet.

"Next year, want to go together?"

Thump

I had to freeze my hands, look at Khǎi's face, before asking excitedly.

"Can I go?"

"Of course. I want to take you to introduce you to my parents."

My cheeks heated up, looking at him as he moved to sit beside me, until I leaned against his shoulder, both hands hugging the penguin tightly.

"Then I will hurry and work to save money for the ticket."

"Why? I will pay." Khǎi said with a stern voice.

"No. I don't want to get the name of clinging to Khǎi for a living. Even though... we are together." I softened my voice at the end, lifting a fingertip to playfully touch the penguin's beak.

"Oh, right. Why did Khǎi transfer money to Tǎem?" Bringing up this topic, I bounced up to look at his face and ask, as I just remembered. Because during the week he was gone, I checked my account balance and found that besides the money from the modeling job, there was also a large sum transferred in. And I didn't need to guess whose doing it was.

"Tuition fees, Khráp." This time, Khǎi was faster, so I wrinkled my nose at him. "We had an agreement, Khráp."

"Is Khǎi my Phôo or something? Providing for me."

"Not a Phôo. Can I be something else instead?" He made a serious face.

"You're a sugar daddy preying on a youth, huh?" Saying it myself made me ashamed, because it seemed like I was swallowing my saliva, quite willing to be Khǎi's sugar baby.

"The amount is too much, Khǎi, Khráp." I objected first, looking at his face. Khǎi looked thoughtful.

"But now I have the right to provide for you (Thooe)."

"What right is that?" I argued back. Never thought this deadpan guy would say...

"The right of being your (Thooe) Sǎa-mii, Khráp."

Wow.

I don't know which would be less embarrassing: between Khǎi making sparkling, mischievous eyes like a charming young man, and making a serious face as if proposing to me. Because as soon as he said the word 'Phûa,' which simply means 'Phǔa,' this heat spread all over Tǎem's face until I buried it in the stuffed animal to escape.

"Or should I use the word 'Phǔa'?"

Ouch, this young man!

"Don't know, don't know, don't know! I'm going to sleep now!" I flopped down to lie on his lap, feeling him stiffen. But in the end, he reached out to stroke my head.

"Want to go sleep on the bed?"

"Can't I sleep right here?" I looked up to meet his eyes, knowing full well I was using a voice like when I whine to Mâe.

"It's not that you (Thooe) can't. But you (Thooe) might get uncomfortable later." The floor really was cold, after all. So I got up, with one hand still clutching the stuffed animal, and climbed onto the sofa again, looking at Khǎi uncertainly, then patted the cushion beside me.

"Khǎi sit here, Khráp." I requested. Khǎi obliged by moving to sit there. And then I... gathered my courage, shamelessly, and flopped down to lie on his lap again.

"Is this okay?" I didn't look at his face. I just hugged the stuffed animal, snuggled my face into its softness, curled up on his lap. My heart thumped in my chest, unable to believe my own boldness. Even though Khǎi's lap was firm, it was very warm. The scent wafting from him was also pleasant. So I started feeling sleepy again.

Fwip

From initially lying hugging the stuffed animal, using his thigh as a pillow, with my back to Khǎi, I turned over and placed the penguin on my chest, snuggling my face against Khǎi's stomach instead. Starting to get used to the light perfume scent drifting from him. I murmured to him that I want to sleep a bit, Khráp.

And after a good while, until Khǎi uttered something that floated into my ear.

"So cute like this. What should I do if my heart stops beating?" He stroked my shoulder, lulling me to sleep again, even though in my heart I was answering his question.

I won't let Khǎi's heart stop beating. I... wants to stay like this for a long time.

***

"There is a delivery for you, Khun Khǒng-khǎit, Khráp."

Why does this feel familiar?

Two days later, I was about to leave for class, but just opening the apartment door, I encountered a familiar-looking delivery employee smiling at me, while handing over a parcel box that made me freeze for several moments. It felt like this kind of thing had happened before, making me glance back at the empty room.

Khǎi said yesterday he needed to hurry and finalize the work discussed with the editor during his New York trip. Right now, he's probably still sleeping or has been working through the night. So I turned back to look at the delivery person again.

"What's inside, Khráp?"

"Um, I don't know, Khráp." Right, how would the person receiving it on behalf know? So I signed and took that box to hold.

Light, huh? Not an assortment of kitchenware.

I breathed a fragile sigh of relief. But the person in front still didn't leave, while the elevator opened, and then I saw a familiar-looking employee pushing a cart like the ones used in hotels, and on it were several more parcel boxes. I blinked rapidly, the hand holding the box trembling slightly.

"Don't tell me..."

"Yes, Khráp. All for Khun Khǒng-khǎit."

I stood there with my mouth hanging open, looking at the many boxes in front. And don't say I was rude, but I bent down and quickly unwrapped the one I had just signed for. And then found... slippers.

Ordinary house sandals wouldn't have made me stunned. If it weren't for the soft, cushiony part where you insert your foot being... a penguin head.

That was it. I stood there, turned to grab another box and unwrap it without regard for manners, and found that inside were two penguin-patterned drinking glasses and a penguin-patterned plate like kindergarteners use, until I collapsed to sit on the floor.

"Hey, are you okay, Nông?"

Lost all strength. "I (Kuu) shouldn't have, I (Kuu) shouldn't have." I ignored the question, instead groaning out loud.

I (Kuu) shouldn't have said I (Kuu) loved penguins! Look at what my Phǔa, er, Khǎi ordered! When did he even find time to order all this stuff!!!!

How could I forget that he's a skilled payer? This time, I'll get to decorate the room as a penguin kindergarten. And from liking them, I will surely get sick of that round-faced, pudgy bird that will be everywhere in this room.

Oy, can I even find moderation from a young man named Khǒng-khǎit!