MA Chapter 26: The Night of Surrender

Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Khǎi

My parents died in a car accident when I was seven years old. But my life was not as difficult as other orphans'. With the business my Phôo had built plus a massive insurance payout, I inherited enough to live my whole life without having to work. Furthermore, I had a lawyer, a friend of my Phôo's, who stepped in to help take care of things. He was a good man, managing both the assets and me. Even though we didn't spend much time together, he was someone I respected like family.

He sent me to a boarding school, but he visited me often. Even though he couldn't bring back the smile that had died, he helped me in many ways. He was the one who pushed me to submit the novel I had written just for fun to a publisher he knew, until the work got published. And he was the only one who congratulated me when it went on sale.

He was the one who investigated until he found out I still had relatives living in Thailand. And then he passed away from a terrible illness about five years ago. I then began my travels. I went to South America, the Middle East, and then lived for several years in Europe. However, every year I would return to America to pay respects to both my parents and this lawyer.

I did this every year. But this year, returning was more difficult than ever.

Not because of the problems in the Middle East that caused flight cancellations several years back, or a storm hitting and delaying flights. It was because of a certain youth who looked at me with such a sad, lonely gaze that I wanted to cancel everything. But I couldn't. Because aside from personal matters, I had to stop and talk to an editor in New York.

According to schedule, I had to return to Thailand on Friday. But I tried to hurry everything and ended up setting foot on Thai soil on Tuesday evening.

Of course, I headed straight home with luggage more than twice what I had when leaving, and it was packed full of souvenirs I intended to give to the person who might have already gone to sleep. But I still couldn't believe my eyes when he rushed in and hugged me tight, then told me in a trembling voice that he missed me.

Next year, it will probably be several times more difficult than this to tear myself away from him.

I closed the door and locked it after the condo staff who helped carry the things up, before walking past the luggage, following the person I missed into the room. Not the master bedroom, but the room I slept in. And I found him making himself into a cocoon, hugging himself into a tight ball.

"Chôoe-Tǎem, I'm all back now."

"Sí," the other party made a sound from under the blanket. Both hands were gripping the blanket edge so tightly I looked on fondly.

"Aren't you coming out?"

"Sí," he shook his head until I saw the soft hair swaying on the pillow.

At his manner, I decided to lean down and press a kiss on the shoulder covered by the comforter again. If it's like this, he probably won't say anything. Then I told him the words packed in my chest.

"I missed you, Ná."

"Mmm," Chôoe-Tǎem still made a muffled sound, until I thought a wide smile slipped out, even though my mouth didn't follow my thoughts much. Before getting up, I thought it was too late to unpack the souvenirs to give him.

So I made up my mind, walked to grab my pajamas, and went into the bathroom. Even though my chest was full of questions about why he came to sleep in this room.

It's fine. If Chôoe-Tǎem wants to sleep in this room, I will give him the room and go sleep in the living room myself.

I didn't take long to shower. Then feeling refreshed, I didn't feel tired at all, even though this time I flew back and forth to several cities. Moreover, I had just returned to Thailand a few hours ago. It might be because there was someone I wanted to spend the whole night looking at his face, if he allowed me to look, Ná.

"Not asleep yet?" I was the one who myself froze, when I stepped out of the bathroom and found the other person sitting with legs tucked on the bed, head bowed deeply until I walked closer.

"I... will I blow your hair dry?" Tǎem looked up at me, asking in a faint, floating voice, until my eyebrows raised a little.

"No need, it's late. Let's sleep," If I had the right, I wanted to hug him tightly. Because even this late, he still had the heart to worry about me. But I didn't want to bother him. Chôoe-Tǎem has class tomorrow. I turned back to the bathroom again, then used the hair dryer until my hair was completely dry, threw the towel into the laundry basket, and came out of the bathroom again.

I froze again... he was still sitting in the same position.

"Is something wrong?" I thought he probably had something he wanted to talk about. So I moved to stand by the bed, looking at the person who was still head down, both hands squeezing together tightly, until I feared they would turn red.

"Sit.... sit first, Khráp?"

I sat by the bed as he asked, staring at Chôoe-Tǎem's face quietly, while feeling a relaxation and ease I had never felt before. It was as if the tension from traveling and the fatigue disappeared completely. I felt so relaxed I just wanted to look at his face forever.

Chôoe-Tǎem's cheeks were red like ripe tomatoes.

"What is it?" I started to worry, intending to move closer to him, but he looked up before I could... the pair of black glass-like eyes were trembling and also glazed with sparkling droplets.

My heart trembled.

"Did Phîi Khǎi hear what Tǎem said earlier... before the guard interrupted?" I felt his voice was very shaky, his eyes looking like he was about to cry, until I quickly nodded. If there was anything to make him feel at ease, I was ready to do everything. But the youth in front of me instead made an even more uncertain face.

"What I.... what I said was... that I missed Phîi."

"I heard."

Both heard and memorized by heart.

"Why does Phîi Khǎi... seem to feel nothing?"

No, I was very happy. So happy I almost shouted out already, until I tried to arrange words to tell him. But I wasn't as fast as Chôoe-Tǎem who bowed his head down again.

"I missed Phîi Khǎi, Khráp. I missed you very much. When Phîi Khǎi wasn't here, I realized I could be this lonely. I waited for the phone call every night, waited for Phîi's message every day. But Phîi Khǎi never sent anything first if I didn't send something. Phîi wouldn't reply back. Until I, Tǎem didn't dare. I was afraid of bothering Phîi until you got annoyed. I... wasn't thinking alone, right, Khráp?"

I had already messed up.

It wasn't that I didn't want to call him. I tried with all my might not to call, that's the truth. Even though I wanted to hear his voice, even if I couldn't see his face, just hearing his voice would still be good. But I was afraid he would be displeased. So I made up my mind, waited for him to contact me first like a permission that I could respond back. Next time, I will follow my heart more. I will not worry so much until it makes Chôoe-Tǎem make a face like this again.

"No, you (Thooe) are not thinking alone. I (Chǎn), Chôoe-Tǎem, I (Chǎn) am not good with words." I was frustrated why I had to be the one who couldn't show emotion. And I tried to tell him with all the strength I had.

"I (Chǎn) missed you (Thooe). Believe me (Chǎn), Ná."

My expressionless face had caused me to mess up many times already and almost made me miss the chance to get close to him, until I feared he wouldn't believe, afraid he wouldn't listen. But all my worries vanished instantly when Chôoe-Tǎem looked up at me... he smiled at me.

The most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

"I believe. If Phîi Khǎi says it, I will believe Khǎi, Ná."

What should I do, I felt like crying.

I haven't cried again since my parents passed away. But I was about to cry just because I heard that he would believe what I said, would believe a deadpan-faced guy like me. While Chôoe-Tǎem also moved closer, his knee touched my flank until I wanted to ask him how much he needed to torment me before being satisfied.

I needed immense patience with his trembling eyes, glowing red cheeks, and beautiful smile. But he still reached out to grab my arm, then uttered words that made my brain explode into tiny pieces.

"Phîi Khǎi... go out with me, Khráp."

Chôoe-Tǎem lowered his gaze, bit his lower lip, squeezed my arm a little, moved a bit more, and then he repeated to my shattered brain again with the cutest, most destructively powerful trembling voice.

"Be my romantic partner, Khráp, Phîi Khǎi."

Who taught him to look up at a man like this?

My breath hitched. I tried with all my might to restrain my body from lunging at him. Even though I heard it twice, full in my ears, I still thought it was a dream, still thought I was sleepwalking, still thought I was lost in a fantasy. And what I did to confirm was…

Smack

"Phîi Khǎi! Why did you hit yourself?"

Yes, I hit myself. Felt the pain to tell that…

"Is it real?" I murmured. And that made the person who moved to grab my hand, while also looking at my cheek with worried eyes, turn back to meet my gaze. He looked puzzled, before Chôoe-Tǎem smiled, and smiled wider and wider. Then it changed into laughter more beautiful than any musical instrument.

"Does it hurt, Lá?"

"Hurts."

"Mmm, then it's real, Lá." He bowed his head down again, letting go of the hand holding my arm.

"So... what will Phîi Khǎi's answer be, Khráp?"

Why does Chôoe-Tǎem act like he's holding his breath as if afraid of my answer? Me, this person, would I refuse? Me, who desires him. Me, who wanted to protect and cherish him since hearing the story before meeting the real person. Me, who couldn't take my eyes off him when we met at Phii Núk's wedding... would I, this person?

"Can I (Chǎn) be that?"

He looked up at me again, then nodded.

"Mmm."

Thud

I pulled him into a hug uncontrollably, even though I thought I wouldn't touch him until he permitted. I could feel the warm body that from just the previous time I hugged him was almost unbearable. He even buried his face against my shoulder, reaching out to grip my shirt hem bravely yet fearfully, letting me tell him.

"I (Chǎn) will be everything you (Thooe) want me to be."

Not just a romantic partner. I can give him everything.

"Then..." he looked up to show red cheeks, and the pair of beautiful eyes that lowered, looked up, many times.

"We're together now... right?"

Peck... I couldn't resist pressing a kiss on his forehead. And he was heart-stoppingly adorable, like Pông once used this word. Yes, heart-stoppingly adorable. When he brought his hand to rub his forehead shyly, suppressing a smile until his cheeks dimpled, I wanted to press my nose down on his powdered-fragrant cheeks many times. But the problem was that it was very late now.

"Let's sleep. Tomorrow we can unpack the souvenirs."

If I didn't stop myself, I would surely do something he would regret. The more I thought that his heart matched mine, I had been his for a long time. But when he said he was mine... not good at all. I started to not trust my own thoughts.

Chôoe-Tǎem looked surprised, but he didn't say anything when I pushed him to lie on the bed, eyes wide and sparkling looking at me, until I had to avert my gaze.

No, don't think. Forbidden to think. Don't make him go back to being afraid again.

"Then... good night."

Thud

"Phîi Khǎi isn't going to do it, Khráp?"

If today Chôoe-Tǎem had surprised me countless times, this time was the ultimate surprise. When he grabbed my arm, then asked a question I couldn't think properly about, until my eyes widened, looking at the flushed face of the person who clearly looked startled, his fresh-colored lips trembling slightly.

"Sí," he used his free hand to cover his face, letting out a cute, breathless sound.

"I... I.... sí, what did I just say? I.... Phîi Khǎi, don't think I'm easy, Ná. I have never said this to anyone before. I, I said it to Phîi Khǎi first. Sí, going crazy, dying of embarrassment already." He said everything out, and made me feel my throat go completely dry.

Don't, Khǒng-khǎit. Don't…

"I doesn't want to be a bad youth in Phîi Khǎi's eyes at all. Don't want to…" Tǎem continued.

"I (Chǎn) am the one who is bad."

Stop.

I tried to restrain myself. But the moment Chôoe-Tǎem lowered his hand to meet my gaze, everything gushed forth like a collapsing dam.

"If you (Thooe) knew what I (Chǎn) was thinking, you (Thooe) would surely hate me (Chǎn). Because right now I (Chǎn) want to hug you (Thooe), want to kiss you (Thooe), want to lick you (Thooe) all over, not leaving a single square inch untouched. Want to stamp a mark claiming ownership, reiterate to you (Thooe) what you (Thooe) and I (Chǎn) are to each other. With just the single word 'romantic partner,' I (Chǎn) even want to lock you (Thooe) in a tower so no one can take you (Thooe) away from me (Chǎn). You (Thooe) are not an easy youth, not a bad youth. But I (Chǎn) am the evil adult."

I took a breath, bowed my head down.

It's over. Chôoe-Tǎem will surely run away from me again.

"Mmmmmmm," If I was surprised when he made a bizarre sound, until turning to look at his face... his person who was red all over like a boiled shrimp.

Not only did he not pull away from me, he also took two deep breaths, then closed his eyes and said with a trembling, adorable, and highly destructive voice.

"Phîi Khǎi can really do it, Ná!"

"Hmm?" I flinched, then my sanity snapped when he opened his eyes to look at me again.

"I.... do it, Khráp?"

Fwoosh

I moved to straddle over his body immediately, and offered him the last straw.

"Chôoe-Tǎem, if you (Thooe) don't stop me (Chǎn) now…"

He made a startled face, but then shook his head vigorously, yanking that straw until it snapped apart. "If it's Phîi Khǎi... Mmph!!!"

I could no longer restrain the desire that came flooding out, and pressed a kiss down on his fresh, sweet, moist lips tightly, not giving him any chance to refuse after this. Both hands yanked the blanket covering his body to the foot of the bed.

Right now, I tried not to kiss him violently. I might press his mouth heavily, but I changed to sucking his lower lip, pulling away to taste his upper lip, until hearing a clear sucking sound in my head. Sucking his lips as if wanting to suck them off, then slid my tongue inside, licking the roof of his mouth until hearing muffled groans in his throat.

The more Chôoe-Tǎem groaned, the harder I kissed him. I could feel him going soft in my embrace. Both hands let go to grip the bedsheet tightly.

"Mmmph, hack... why more than.... every time?" His question was innocent, until I felt sinful for teaching such things.

"Stop?"

"Mm... no. But I'm hot, hot all over."

I just realized that inside me there was also a sleeping demon, and it was now coming out to rampage. When Tǎem's soft groans sounded close to my ear, until both hands moved to undo all the buttons of his pajama top. Pulled away to press a kiss on his earlobe, then gently sucked the soft earlobe. He also reached up to hug my neck tightly, pushing his body closer, digging his toes into the bed.

Soft. So soft I was afraid of leaving marks.

I pressed kisses on the hollow of his neck, touching skin as soft as a little child's. The palm that slid over his white skin felt like sinking into his soft body, especially the plump, white hips. Just sliding down to the thigh roots, my fingertips felt immersed in this smooth softness.

His body was different from mine. Chôoe-Tǎem didn't have much muscle. Wherever I touched, it was all soft.

"Hack, hack, I... why look at me like that?"

I kissed his mouth again, until Chôoe-Tǎem tilted his head to follow. Then pulled away a bit to bend down and look at the smooth, flat chest where the shirt had been pulled open wide. Realized then that I was getting thirsty, restraining the beast inside me with all my might. But I didn't think anyone could endure if they saw what I did.

Chôoe-Tǎem's body was beautiful. Even though he was a young man, his figure was small and slender, his skin extremely white and smooth, looking sleek in every part. Adorned with light-colored, tiny little nipples that I imagined wanting to bite, wanting to tease, wanting to lick them until they were fully hard, tasting what I could only imagine all along.

But I still restrained myself, shifting my gaze to his blushing face.

Beautiful.

That was what flashed in my head.

I was defeated by his eyes, moist with tears, because they were too adorable to resist. The white skin that reddened easily, looking provocative. Not to mention the plump, red lips that looked sexy. Any one of these could make my head run far. But here, everything was combined. Moreover, he was panting until his chest reflected up and down.

"Sorry if today I (Chǎn) cannot be gentle." I whispered, dragging my fingertips from his neck to the center of his chest.

"Ph... Phîi Khǎi...."

"Afraid?"

I stopped my finger at the adorable nipple, asked him again. And Chôoe-Tǎem used those tear-filled eyes to look at me.

"Afraid. Bu... but. Don't want... to stop."

Peck... I pressed another kiss on his fragrant cheek, dragged it to his earlobe.

"Sorry, Ná."

"Ah, huak! Mmmph," As soon as my words ended, I used my fingertips to knead his nipple peak. I didn't knead hard enough to hurt him. I kneaded with my fingertips then pinched and rolled it, dragged my lips and tongue tip down to lick the other adorable nipple. Thirsting for that cute little bead. My free hand slid into his shorts to greet the adorable part that made me almost crazy.

His underwear was so moist it made me even harder.

I dragged my tongue tip from one nipple to the other, scattered kisses on his lower abdomen, intending to do as my mouth said—to touch every part. Listening to his mixed moans and hitched breaths. Feeling his body twisting under my body, his hand gripping and clutching my hair. My hand also teased him without stopping.

Fwip

"Mmmph... haa, hack, hack... More."

I pulled the shorts past his slender legs until they were off. Perceived a slight bashfulness before he buried his face into the pillow, crying out muffledly when I scattered kisses on his lower abdomen. His legs thrashed about, his breath shuddering. Then I sent my hand to squeeze and knead his waist. Just stroking it up and down, Chôoe-Tǎem's stomach tensed, arching the adorable part to rub against me until I couldn't help but open my mouth and take it in.

"Huak! Ph... Phîi Khǎi... don't... Tǎem... ticklish, Ná, mmph, don't lick."

The more he forbade, the more it was encouraging. I licked all over his length, tasted the sweet, moist flavor of the fluid brimming at the tip. Both sucking and licking. Glancing at the face covered in sweat. My mouth continued its duty until the sucking sounds harmonized with the provocative moans.

Chôoe-Tǎem had a pleasant voice. When he moaned for me to hear, it was even more pleasant.

The thought made me pull away from the sensitive part to the inner thigh, trailing down to the calf, looking at the body lying there panting breathlessly, exhausted. His body had turned a glowing red, sweat covering his form, further inciting my desire. Wanting to taste every part. Which, if he thought I would stop at the soles of his feet, he was mistaken. Because I wanted to touch more than that. Wanted to indulge him. Wanted to see his body twitch from blissful satisfaction.

Fwip

"Mmmphhh, what is Phîi Khǎi going to do?!"

I grabbed his hips to lift them higher, grabbed both legs to rest over my shoulders until Chôoe-Tǎem asked in panic. But my eyes were fixed only on the sweet, narrow passage that was throbbing right in front of me.

"Sorry, Ná." I muttered.

"Ph... Phîi Khǎi is a cheater... ahh! No, no, no no no, don't lick... ya... don't... there, ah, ahh, Phîi Khǎi, Phîi Khǎi."

The moment I licked a broad stroke into the narrow passage, Chôoe-Tǎem shrieked. He tried to stop me, but he didn't even have the strength to struggle. His body writhed about in torment, moaning in a broken voice. No matter how he tried to escape, I still followed to stroke around the light-colored ring, both sucking and spreading, until he clamped his legs tight against the sides of my head.

But I still licked and licked, and even pressed my tongue inside, feeling the soft inner walls squeezing me tightly, until I drooled saliva right into that passage, then sucked until it was soaking wet.

"Mmmph! ! Ahh... ya... don't... huak! More, mmph." Chôoe-Tǎem again, his body limp and pliant, moaning like a sob. But his flushed face, looking pleasured, made me continue. Still caressing that passage without stopping. Satisfied that it was expanding, both wet and soaked enough to easily insert the first fingertip.

Chôoe-Tǎem's body twitched. One hand covered his mouth tightly, tears brimming. But the lower abdomen twitching in rhythm as I inserted and rubbed inside told me I could do more. So I used my fingertip to stroke and probe, crooked my finger several times, feeling the tight clenching inside, until Chôoe-Tǎem spread his legs wider.

"Hurt?"

"Hmmmphhh," he shook his head rapidly, gripped the bedsheet tightly, and then moaned out when I inserted two more fingers. Still used my tongue to help until the passage was soaking wet and seemed to expand much more than at first.

I kept repeating like that, even though my back was completely wet, desiring until my lower part ached all over. But I still endured, telling myself even if I hurt, so be it. But I didn't want to make Chôoe-Tǎem hurt.

Fwip fwip fwip

"Mmmph... ah... Phîi Khǎi... Mmph mmph," I kept caressing him for a good while longer, watching the body writhing in torment, moving my fingers in and out slowly, watching Chôoe-Tǎem who had started to move his hips in response a little. His expression held only a shivering thrill that made me want to make him feel even better than this. Or should I stop right here?

Take it slow.

I told myself, while pulling my fingers out, then pulled away to grip the adorable part to release Chôoe-Tǎem from his torment.

Throb

While he also collapsed to lie on the bed, panting until his whole body shook, legs still spread wide open. And then he asked me through tears.
"Ph... Phîi Khǎi... why... stop... why..." I knew he was asking me innocently. But I, who should stop, was instead the one with glazed eyes, yanking my pants down below my hips, pulling out my weapon, holding it to rub against the narrow passage until Chôoe-Tǎem's eyes went wide, reaching out as if to push my shoulders but instead ended up holding on tightly.

"Ph... Phîi Khǎi, what are you doing, doing... huak!!!"

"Sorry, Ná."

"Mmmphhhhhhhhhhh," I could no longer stop myself. I pulled Chôoe-Tǎem to hug tightly, stroking his back, comforting him, when he both bit and scratched my shoulders, while pushing the fully hardened flesh into the narrow passage. Absolutely confident that I was the one taking the first time of this youth who was both sobbing, moaning, and panting until his body convulsed beneath mine.

Chôoe-Tǎem's inside was warm, hot, and clenching tightly until I almost went crazy. But what controlled me from violently pounding, even though I hadn't been with anyone for over a year, was the tear-stained face and slender body pressed close to me.

"I (Chǎn) will move slowly."

"Huk... Mmph, mmph, Phîi Khǎi... Phîi... can't breathe... too big..."

I went in, to the hilt, knowing he must feel stuffed. While Chôoe-Tǎem tried to tell me, but I couldn't stop now. I tried to move slowly, stimulated him by grabbing the front part, pumping tenderly, while pulling my member out, then pressing in, to the hilt, without being too forceful. Knew Chôoe-Tǎem flinched every time. But every time I did it, his cries became more broken.

I may not be good with feelings, but with physical matters, it's a different story. I knew how to make a partner satisfied. And with someone I cherished this much, why wouldn't I know how to make him feel better?

"Uk... Mmph, Phîi Khǎi, Phîi Khǎi, hmmph..."

After that, I kissed him, stroked his back, stroked his shoulders, kneaded his hips, moved my body harder little by little. Even though he didn't tell me which spot was his sensitive point, I could perceive the twitching force every time I thrust into it. I deliberately inserted, lunged straight into that spot, until Chôoe-Tǎem hugged me with his whole body, bounced his hips to meet mine, and his voice became so broken I could almost explode right then.

Thump thump thump

Now I was moving faster, until the sound of my thighs slapping against his hips resounded throughout, until Chôoe-Tǎem lifted his hand to cover his face again. But this time, I didn't allow it. I pulled his hand away.

"Let me (Chǎn)... look at your (Thooe) face."

"Sí, uk.... Phîi Khǎi, Phîi Khǎi... I... More, I... can't take it, ah."

His face was deeply flushed, his eyes half-lidded, cheeks smeared with tears, lips swollen and bruised yet parted open, letting clear fluid flow to smear the edges of his mouth. Then Chôoe-Tǎem tilted his head up, arched his body toward me, until I didn't hesitate to snatch and suck the tiny nipple bead, making him writhe even more wildly.

"Can't... take it, Phîi Khǎi, I... Mmph... I'm about to..."

"Mmm, let it out." I stroked his sweaty hair back, thrust my member in more heavily, looked at the ecstatic expression that stimulated my mood. And then he closed his eyes tightly, his body twitched in my embrace, sent a resonant moan into my mouth as I bent down to kiss him tightly.

Chôoe-Tǎem almost collapsed onto the soft bed, while I still moved my body several more times, before biting down hard.

Splat

"Hack, hack, Phîi Khǎi."

I have been with many people. But just this youth reaching out to touch my cheek, looking at me, I had to quickly pull my member out, moved with my palm, closed my eyes tightly, eyebrows knitted into knots, releasing every desire, every drop, onto his white stomach, letting the milky fluid stain the smooth, flawless white skin.

He is mine now.

I almost collapsed to hug him tightly, but feared my weight would hurt him. So I shifted to Chôoe-Tǎem's side, one arm still draped over his waist, panting to reduce the extreme fatigue.

Not tired from the sex on the bed, but I was excited to the point of exhaustion.

This was Chôoe-Tǎem's first time, but it made me feel better than any other time.

I rested for a good while, before propping myself up to look at the other youth again, and found he had burrowed under the blanket to hide. Until I hurriedly moved closer.

"Hurt anywhere?" I hesitated, about to pull the blanket off, but Chôoe-Tǎem instead hugged the comforter tightly, buried his face in the pillow, leaving only the ends of his hair for me to see.

"Sorry I (Chǎn) was rough." I said in a remorseful voice, hugged him along with the blanket. "Don't break up with me (Chǎn), Ná."

"...No."

The person who was quiet until I felt uneasy, his voice so soft I could barely hear, until I hugged him tighter, tried to crane my neck to look. Caught sight of him looking up at me with red-rimmed eyes, then hurriedly hid in the pillow again. My heart fluttered, because that didn't seem like the face of someone angry.

"Sa..."

"Sa?"

"The best... I, mmph, felt the best ever."

I was stunned, before the corners of my lips lifted to the widest they could, and I hugged him tightly while he also agreed to shift into my embrace along with the comforter.

I must affirm that Chôoe-Tǎem is the most adorable and endearing youth in the world.