MA Chapter 10: And The Truth Beneath The Pants

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Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem

No more. I am not staying anymore. Mâe, dear! Nông Thǎem is scared. Nông Thǎem does not want to stay in that house anymore!

I intend to stop attending classes for a week until I can sort out my life after the dorm fire, because there are many things I need to buy, whether daily necessities, clothes, or study equipment. On top of that is the matter of accommodation, which turns out to be the first thing I managed to find. But I never thought... no, I was secretly afraid too that there must be something in the bamboo clump. But who would have thought that upon pushing aside the grass, I would encounter...

A python!

A huge snake that reared its head and flared its hood at me!

No more. I am not staying anymore. Hooo.

Since I managed to flee back into the condo owner's room, I have jumped onto the bed and covered myself up (after double-checking that the door bolt is securely locked), trembling violently, not knowing if it is fear or disgust, because the image of that big-sized fried thing on a stick is bloody fucking imprinted behind my eyes.

At that point, laundry matters went to the right, food matters went to the left. I could only lock myself in this temporary safe room for a full three hours. After that... I bolted out, of course.

I here play the role of a spy, looking left and right, making sure that a certain psycho is in the study, then quickly leave the room, jump onto a passing bus, heading straight to the only place I can think of... the university.

At least I am confident that if something happens, I can shout for people to help.

Besides, I also have to think until my head almost breaks about where I will go if I want to escape from that python!

It's bloody huge!

“What's wrong, Wá, Âi'Thǎem?”

It seems my clutching my head with both hands worries my close friend. Âi'Ker himself rushed to find me at the cafeteria as soon as I Line him. When he arrived, he found me acting like a crazy person clutching and messing up my head until it's disheveled.

Who says I (kuu) don't act cute enough for my face? To bloody fucking hell with them! I (kuu) am stressed!

“Stressed about the fire, Wá?” Âi'Ker pats my shoulder worriedly, but I really have no mood to answer him. My head is still filled with the image that scared me almost to tears. My heart cries out for Mâe, a necessary escape.

“Is there anything I (kuu) can help with?”

“Help me find a room that costs only five hundred a month.”

I turn to look at his face with my disheveled, fluffy hair, which makes Âi'Ker blink twice at me, and then he laughs.

“Oh, Âi'Thǎem, five hundred for you might get you a curtained room for two nights, that's already a great merit. No money, plus your brain is gone with the fire, huh?”

Yeah, no scholarship. As for money in the bank, don't even mention it. But why come to rub salt in my wounds? Are you my friend or not?

I make a face at him once, before returning to hold my temples with both hands again, thinking-deeply about

my future life again. Tuition fees, living expenses, accommodation costs, not to mention miscellaneous expenses. If I struggle and strive to get out of this luxurious room with a snake (that can rear its head too!), how much more must I be a misser to be enough without bothering Mâe? Just thinking about it, I... am at a dead end.

“Why, Wá? Didn't you say you could stay at Khun Khǎi's room? Or is it... "

The person next to me makes an excited sound, until I have to look at him again, see that handsome guy smiling like the sun, raising a hand to his chest, making an astonished face. Then he looks left and right, and leans in to whisper softly.

“My friend has agreed to be a dek sia?”

[[Translator's Note: The Thai slang "เด็กเสี่ย" (dek sia) with dek meaning "child" or "young person" and sia a Hokkien Chinese borrowing for a wealthy, influential businessman connoting ostentation or power is an idiomatic urban expression. Literally "child of a rich man" or "junior of a tycoon," it refers to a younger person in a dependent relationship with an affluent older male patron, implying financial support (gifts, housing, money) for companionship, emotional ties, or intimacy.]]

“Âi'shit-lizard Ker!!!” I here yell at him, my face green, looking at the person who steps back laughing happily, as he knows that if I really agreed, I wouldn't be sitting here stressed waiting for money to fall from the sky like this.

“Oh, oh, if you agree like this, then a fan service like me has no meaning anymore. What a pity. Today you have both a brand name bag and high-end shoes. What should I do, Wá? Phîi Ker has no money to pay for Nông Thǎem like this.”

“If you don't stop joking around.” I think I am looking at him with green eyes now, but he seems to have far too much fun teasing me. And it seems I am not laughing along with him, so Âi'Ker raises a faint smile.

“Then do you have anything to vent?” I am silent, looking into sharp eyes and the understanding smile of this guy. I hesitate only a little.

Should I (kuu) tell or not? If I tell and he worries, he will probably try to take me to live with him... I'd feel so considerate, damn it!

I know I am being coldly-aloof unreasonably. When something like this happens, I should accept help from others. But I don't know, when I think about having to depend on others like this, being only on the receiving end, I remember the words the principal Mia of my Phôo said to my face... I am just a burden that makes everyone's life difficult.

If you are born just to be a burden, then you shouldn't have been born at all.

Whenever I think of these words, I feel nauseous and want to vomit... I will never allow myself to become the person that woman described.

I can tell my one and only close friend, but this incident is too embarrassing, making it one of the few times I hesitate to tell what happened.

“What is it?” Âi'Ker looks at me expectantly.

"I (kuu)... "

“Phîi Thǎem, Krâp!!!”

Thump

“Ouch! That hurts, Wá!!!”

Before I can utter a word, suddenly something super heavy crashes into my back, making my face almost smash onto the table. I accidentally cry out loudly, still not understanding what crazy thing is happening, until I am really caught off guard when something presses against both my cheeks.

“Phîi Thǎem! Phîi Thǎem! Is Âi'Têl's Phîi Thǎem okay?! I heard the dorm caught fire! Does Phîi Thǎem still have eyebrows, ears, eyes, neck, nose, mouth complete? Is Âi'Têl's senior from the same Rahad still complete with thirty-two? It can't be, Phîi Thǎem! Phîi Thǎem still owes Têl a meal, Phîi Thǎem!!!” Let's just say I know now who this noise-making, ear-splitting shrieker is.

“Hey, enough, enough, Âi'Little-little-one. If you keep this up, Âi'Thǎem might jump and bite your head. Rubbing his face like that, he'll stay looking like a bulldog.” My friend, so kind, after scolding me, proceeds to pull the person who is squishing my cheeks with both hands away, looking like he can barely hold back his laughter. Very prosperous, Khráp, Âi'Ker. Very prosperous.

This time, I send green-eyed looks to the person who injured my back instead.

Little... my one and only Rahad junior with a cute, endearing name but the opposite physique, since he is a tall, slim, fair-skinned young man who is making a life-or-death face at me. Overall, he is more accurately described as very handsome rather than cute. But since he is making red eyes, trying to shake Âi'Ker's arm to ask about my safety, I will try to see him as cute.

“Têl worries about Phîi Thǎem to death!”

"Worried about eating, you mean."

“That's also worrying, Phîi Thǎem! But Phîi Thǎem is also worried.” He quickly retorts, afraid I won't believe him, while my close friend laughs, reaching out to pat his head puh puh.

“I (kuu) checked. Âi'Thǎem is safe and sound. See? All thirty-two parts complete. No part is crushed or broken.”

When did you check, Âi'Ker? In your dreams? I told you, we're not in front of the camera, no need for service!

I am too lazy to argue with him, but I have a worse headache when my Rahad junior nods firmly, wiping away tears as if he wasn't just worried sick about me.

“Uh-huh. Têl believes. About Phîi Thǎem, Phîi Ker knows best. Right?” He sends a 'right?' to my friend.

“Good youth. Being this obedient, later I will take you out for a meal.”

Thud

“Love Phîi Ker so much, Krâp!!!” Should I have a headache over the dim-wittedness of my own junior?!

I am watching Âi'Têl, with his tall frame, throwing himself into Âi'Ker's embrace. From knowing him for several months, my Rahad junior is a pure, simple person... no, let me use the word 'bought pure' instead. Anyone who says they'll treat him to a meal even a little, he makes sparkling eyes and acts cute all over. And that is exactly why I almost run away from him to death... I have no money left, how can I afford to be soft-hearted and treat my junior to a meal, Wá!?

“Come on. I (kuu) will treat you too. No need to be jealous.”

I (kuu) am not jealous, you nuisance!?

I let out a huge, heavy sigh, letting go of Âi'Ker, who has one hand on my head and the other free hand on Âi'Têl's head, patting and stroking alternately like a charming man with girls on both sides. But sorry, Khráp, the 'girls' in question both have Adam's apples and are over 175 cm tall!

“Aaah!”

Gasp

Suddenly, I cry out at the top of my voice, raising both hands to clutch my head, making my Rahad junior startle violently and jump to hide behind Âi'Ker, even shaking his arm again.

“Hey! Phîi Ker! Phîi Ker! Phîi Thǎem has gone crazy!”

“Bear with it, Têl. Your senior from the same Rahad has been crazy for a long time. A misser until he becomes a house, you see.”

I ignore both the junior and the friend. Both hands clutch my head even harder, almost wanting to throw it out, because thinking of the Adam's apple, the ball suddenly flashes into my head. And a pair of balls too! Placed right next to that den of snakes!

Ouch! No more! I am not staying in that room anymore!

In the end, I did not tell my friend what happened. I only have the determination to go back and negotiate with the owner of the house, requesting to work from morning to evening, and for a normal, healthy life, I will willingly lower my dignity, bow my head, and ask for an advance on my salary to pay for a new dorm. Roughly calculating, the money from working at the clothing store plus cleaning the house should be enough to scrape by. For the first month, even if I go a bit hungry, I should survive.

As for being a DJ... I don't know if I will still be able to do it.

“Whatever, Âi'Thǎem. You can do it. Just close your eyes and say it.” I summon my courage and morale, then step into the beautiful suite, heading straight to the study and knock.

No matter how many times I knock, there is no response, until I have to circle around to check the bedroom, bravely and fearfully.

Of course I'm scared, Wá! The room has a bed; if I accidentally slip up, I'm doomed!

But it is empty.

The emptiness is real. The already few belongings have disappeared from the room. Moreover, the wardrobe is wide open, leaving only an empty closet devoid of the clothes that were once arranged inside, replaced by my student uniform and the things Mâe said she asked him to buy.

“What the fuck is this?” I am confused, very confused. I can only walk around checking closet by closet, and find that the master bedroom has none of Khun Khǎi's belongings left. Even in the bathroom, there is neither a toothbrush nor shaving cream. Until I can only stand blankly, looking around, because the first second I see it, my heart disappears.

The feeling of being abandoned flashes into my heart until I cannot do anything.

No, Âi'Thǎem, you shouldn't feel that way. You've only been in this house for two days; what kind of crazy attachment is this!

I shake my head to call back my senses, not understanding why I feel like the dorm fire is happening a second time, just because another person's belongings are gone. Perhaps because I accidentally... accidentally thought of the words that said this place is home.

A home where people live together.

“You're crazy, Âi'Thǎem.” I feel my eyes getting hot until I have to quickly shake my head, and then suddenly turn to see something stuck on the sliding door of the wardrobe, so I take long strides towards it... another note.

... I moved my things to another room. Use this room as you please...

I am still. I am stunned, because he means... he is giving this room to me.

Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump!!

Suddenly, the lump of flesh in my chest beats so hard I can feel it. I look at the message on it disbelievingly, because what kind of insane person would willingly give the best master bedroom of their own to someone else? Until I almost want to slap my head to drive away the strange feeling.

“Aren't you the one who can be bought with money?” Yes, I need money. But that, I work for it. I will not accept anything, whatever it is, that comes for free. But why do I feel almost crazy happy just because someone is giving me a bedroom? Perhaps because since Mâe remarried, that new house has no bedroom for me. There is no place left for me. But Khun Khǎi is offering what I need... is that it?

I feel that even if it were the smallest bedroom in this condo, if he said he would give it to me as my room... I would be just as happy as now.

“Weren't you going to live somewhere else, Âi'Thǎem!?”

I try to call back my wandering senses, put that note down, head straight to the study again before those crazy feelings attack once more. Wait. The python... the sausage... the balls... that insane person showing his good stuff! I must remember.

Yes, that's enough. Just remember that!

After hypnotizing myself properly, I walk back to the study. But this time, I just clearly see something on the kitchen counter... another note.

It seems I have become sensitive to plain-looking notes like this. This time, there isn't just a note, but also a bank-branded envelope placed with it.

Âi'Ker says I am a misser because I am sensitive to money. But no matter how dim-witted, just holding the envelope, I know immediately that there is money inside!... a lot, too.

... Your salary. And I return in the evening...

Let's just say I know now that the owner of the house is not home, no wonder there was no answer no matter how much I knocked. But what's interesting is that 'your salary' part that makes me narrow my eyes.

I am very sharp about money. Just by holding it, I know that inside there are roughly about thirty bills.

Wait, Âi'Thǎem. If they are hundred-baht bills, that's about three thousand, which is unlikely. If they are five-hundred-baht bills, that's fifteen thousand, which is too much. But if I'm not mistaken...

I slowly pour the money out of the envelope to see what kind of bills are inside, and...

"What kind of insane person pays a housekeeper thirty thousand [$926 US], Wá! Are you crazy or what!?!"

That's it. I cannot help but shout out. Just seeing the gray edge, I know that person with no common sense about money is paying me a salary that is too high. Nowadays, bachelor's degree graduates get fifteen thousand, master's degree graduates get eighteen thousand. Is he crazy to pay a second-year youth thirty thousand like this? Wouldn't the whole country quit their jobs to become cleaners, Wá!?!

I am speechless. Besides needing to renegotiate the living arrangement, there is also the matter of an excessively high salary. Don't tell me Khun Khǎi has forgotten about the TV I broke? That thing was expensive as hell.

Acting like this, I cannot help but think he has impure intentions!

One fine day, he might demand repayment.

“I must succeed in talking, Âi'Thǎem.”

Before this, I was almost willing to stay here. I was almost starting to see Khun Khǎi as a good person. But encountering that thing once, I tell you, my senses, money matters, and brains are all gone. Last time, seeing it through the pants, I was shocked until I cried. This time, seeing it fully with both eyes, a man's part that I've never seen on another man, I almost collapsed.

I confirm again, that size... could pierce and flow through the intestines!

Alright, I have made my decision. All that's left is to think of what to say in preparation.

“Are you back already?”

Gasp!

Why is that python who said he would return in the evening showing up while the sky is still bright, Wá!

I startle violently. Everything in my head scatters. I snap turn to look at the person standing at the entrance, and the craziest thing is, instead of looking at his eyes, my unloving gaze chooses to look... downward.

And damn it, I am trembling!

"I... I... "

Tell him! Say you won't stay here anymore. No more! I shout at myself, but the sound doesn't come out.

I feel my face is hot up to my ears. No, besides my ears, my whole body is burning up. I cannot move my legs. I can only keep looking downward like that. And then, the low-angle image moves. It's coming closer. And I... gasp.

I'm just scared!

Thud

Suddenly, that image stops finally, until I realize I have been holding my breath. I figure if it gets any closer, I'll run. I won't let it reach me for sure. But then...

“This is for you.”

A large box is placed on the table that separates me from him, until I realize I haven't been paying attention to anything except the low-angle image, and now my gaze is reluctantly leaving that bulge to look at the thing placed on the table. But of course, at this level of fear, even if you hire Âi'Thǎem, I won't go look.

I guess it might be a cake box. But judging by this man's character, even if I open it and find sex toys, it shouldn't be surprising anymore.

He probably knows that I am apprehensive, because he lets out a sigh, making me startle violently, and is the one who opens the box himself. After that... he moves to the other side of the room.

“Look.”

No words mention the incident from before. No reinforcement of what I saw. There are only a few words that make me glance at his face for the first time, and find that he still has the same still face as before. But am I feeling it myself? Am I thinking it myself that Khun Khǎi also looks troubled?

He looks... worried.

I don't know if it's because of this demeanor, but I shift closer to look, and the moment I see...

Why am I stunned? Why am I still like this? Why don't I say what I'm thinking in my heart?

Why... am I this happy?

What is on the luxurious-looking white cream cake is a chocolate plaque with eye-catching golden letters.

... Welcome to your new home, Chôoe-Tǎem...

Why does Khun Khǎi know how much I yearn for the word 'home'? Why does he hit the weak spot I try to hide so accurately? Why does he have to do these things for me? Why does he have to share the home he owns with someone who has nothing like me? Why does he have to do it for me?

And why... does he make me unable to say what I had thought?

"I may not be trustworthy, but I want you to be confident that I truly want you to be happy here.” Khun Khǎi still speaks with the same tone, the same pitch, the same scary gaze, but the firm, steady words are shaking my determination until it collapses helplessly.

My brain tries to tell me that I should leave, but the feelings in my heart are the opposite.

If I stay here, will I have a home?

Even though Khun Khǎi is indeed untrustworthy, these words echo back and forth in my head until I cannot shake them off.

“Can you stay here?”

Am I thinking it myself that this man is worried about my decision? I feel that he truly wants me to stay here. Until finally,

Whoosh

Making eye contact with the other party, I pull ten banknotes from the envelope, place the remainder on the table, then look up.

“It might be a bit too much, but I request a salary of ten thousand. And this... ” I place another three thousand on the envelope.

“I will pay off the TV for you at three thousand per month. Therefore, I will accept a salary of seven thousand per month. If you agree to that... I can stay with you, Khráp.” Why am I shy? It's just living with a psycho boss who likes to show off. Why am I shy about his worried demeanor, his appearance of having slept too little until he looks crazy?

“Seven thousand is too little.”

I thought he would say that. Really, ten thousand plus room and board for an ordinary student is more than enough to live on comfortably. Accidentally, I might not even need to find extra money by being a DJ. Therefore, I confirm with a voice I try to make strong.

"If you don't agree, I won't stay.” This time, I look into his eyes, and that, I see it for real... the worry.

The person who asks me hesitantly.

“If I agree, will you stay with me?”

“If we agree, I can stay with you.” I answer somewhat proudly, lifting my head a little, thinking that this is working for a salary, not living for free. I feel proud to have negotiated with the stone-faced person for once, after always fighting with irritable emotions. This time, it seems I can finally talk sensibly with someone like him.

The thought makes me let out a smile.

Khun Khǎi is... not that scary, right? If you exclude the matter from this morning.

"Cute."

Thud

I freeze upon hearing the strange word from the mouth of a man I would never believe would say it. I stare back into his eyes, until the owner of the room is silent for a moment, then says slowly and clearly.

“You are a cute person.”

“Me?”

Why am I shy!!!

I have been praised as cute, handsome, good-looking since I was a youth. But why? Why, when these words come from the mouth of a robber-faced man, am I this stunned? Why do I feel my face and whole body are scarily hot? Why do I open my eyes wide, look at him with a small open mouth? Why does my heart have to beat so hard!

“I... I... I am not cute at all.” It takes me several seconds to find my voice. Is this what they mean when they say people who don't speak much, when they do speak, it has a massive effect?

I (kuu) am so hot-faced I could die!

I can only stand with a burning hot face, not knowing what to say, not knowing which way to move, can only look at Khun Khǎi helplessly, hearing him mumble.

“You are cute. Too adorable, even.”

Is he going to praise me as cute for much longer!?

I am even more speechless. My hands have unknowingly clenched tightly since when. “I am going to take a shower first.”

"Hah!"

I am confused, of course. My heart is beating thump thump. Suddenly, the person who made my heart beat just turns and goes the other way, walking towards the bedroom on the other side, opposite the master bedroom with its en-suite bathroom, closing the door behind him, until I can only blink rapidly, unable to adjust my mood in time, only knowing that those words before the shower... were very embarrassing.

“And why am I shy about this?” I shake my head, raise both hands to hold my cheeks, perceiving that they are very hot, so hot it's as if smoke might come out of my ears to vent the heat, until I have to glance at the beautiful cake he bought for me. I don't remember when the last time I ate a cake this big was.

I eat rice and instant noodles, let alone expensive cake. No way, money doesn't jump out of my pocket.

Yes, it must be the feeling of happiness that he bought it for me. I know it's easy for someone with stacks of money, but for someone who barely celebrates birthdays because Mâe has to work, seeing a huge cake just for me alone makes me so happy that I break into a wide smile.

These past two days, he has bought so many things for me. Has he bought anything for himself?

I am unaware that I am asking about the person whose face I used to despise, the person who was gone all day to buy things for me. Even if I didn't accept them, and today he even went to order a huge cake like this for me. Not to mention giving up his bedroom for me, then going to sleep in that other room that has nothing.

Thud

“Soap!”

It is then that I remember. I cleaned most of the rooms, but only one room has bathing amenities: the room I use. Moreover, the liquid soap and shampoo for refills were found in the storage cabinet of the large bathroom. That very thought makes me get up quickly.

“How can he shower without soap?” I quickly run back to the room to get the reserve liquid soap bottle from the cabinet, fill it to the top, close the lid tightly, then grab it along with a brand new bottle of shampoo. After that, I step back to the other bedroom, reminding myself that if I go in to clean next time, I must check these things too. After all, I have accepted his job now.

Knock knock

“Khun Khǎi.” I knock on the room and call, but the other party might be in the bathroom, so I hesitate a bit. But once confident that this room has nothing scary, I turn the doorknob, thinking if it's not locked, I will pop my head in and shout that I will leave it in front of the room. It is not locked.

Splash... splash... splash...

The moment I open the bedroom door, the sound of water floats into my ears, so I pop my head in uncertainly, intending to assess the situation first. But...

Hey!!!

This bedroom is almost half the size of the room Khun Khǎi gave me to use. Therefore, just opening the door allows me to see almost every part of the room, including the bathroom door which is wide open. And from this angle, looking straight in, what I see is the mirror... the mirror reflecting the image that makes my body stiffen on the spot.

They say the first time you see it, you are shocked. The second time, you become numb. And even though I have seen his naked body once before, which should be the second time, it is not numb as they say. Not at all, not one bit. Because seeing it this time is... he is using his hand to hold the mutated python which is flaring its hood!

At this moment, no matter how little I know about these things, I know that Khun Khǎi... is masturbating.