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Perspective - Third Person
The sky is pitch dark; however, the sky is devoid of stars, with only the neon lights from the buildings illuminating Bangkok. Meanwhile, a car quietly drives in and parks at the family guesthouse, and the man behind the steering wheel steps down to... give a contemptuous smile.
"What are you showing your head here for?" he gives a pitying smile at the figure of his son sitting at the foot of the stairs. The face that resembles his mother is stained with tears until it is dirty, yet he stands up slowly to confront him and then asks in a tone that demands an answer.
"Why are you doing this?"
"To open your eyes, of course."
"What is wrong with my sight? I have lived my life for over ten years without you, and now you come back to be a father to gain what!?!" Pitchaya asks his father in a heavy voice, while the listener glares back with an expression of discontent.
"What I do is my business. As my child, you just need to listen to what I say."
"I have always listened to you, even when you are the one who abandoned Mother, the one who made her cry. Yet I still obeyed you, still loved you, still respected you. So why do you want to destroy my life?"
"Destroy? You say that I am destroying your life? It is you who is destroying mine! If you continue to foolishly associate with that... that laborer, how do you think others will perceive that my eldest son is so lowly? Moreover, you choose to sleep with a man. It is you who makes me lose my reputation!" Thanaphum says in a firm voice, glaring at his son as if he wants to devour him, causing Pete to clench his fists tightly, expressing disappointment in his tone.
"Father is selfish... has always been selfish."
"So what? You come here to tell me that I am selfish?" The listener smiles mockingly, for just seeing his son's face... he knows what he wants.
The question makes Pete speak in a harsh tone.
"Do not interfere with Ae. Do not interfere with Ae's family!"
"Why should I listen to you?" Thanaphum raises an eyebrow, but deep down, he feels displeased that his son, whom he has always been able to control, now resists. This causes the man, who has already made up his mind, to take a deep breath.
"You will listen to me..."
"...because I will go to Germany with you, Father."
Gulp.
The man who was laughing with pity suddenly stops. He looks up at his son, who chose to stay with his mother ten years ago. Now though he says that he will follow him back to Germany, which makes him want to listen to the proposal, despite initially refusing to hear it and wanting to do as he pleases.
The expression of the father makes Pete take a deep breath.
"I will break up with Ae as you want, Father, but you must let Ae go. Father must not pressure Ae to be expelled from the university. Father must allow the housing project to fulfill its promise to Ae's family, and Father must promise not to reach out to this family again," Pete says in a firm and serious tone, while locking eyes with the person he has feared his entire life with a determined expression.
"Do you not think that is too much? How can I believe that you two will really break up?"
"I have said I will live with you, Father, in Germany, but... Father will have the right to give Pete orders for only two more years." The proposal causes the father to narrow his eyes.
"And what if I say no?"
"Father will agree." As Pitchaya speaks confidently, his hands clenched tightly together, suppressing the tears that threaten to fall, and he gulps down the words.
"Father does not want to destroy me, but he wants to destroy Mother instead... When I am sad, you know that Mother will be even sadder. That is what Father wants. Then two years is not enough time for Father to take revenge on Mother, is it?" The question from his son, who looks at his father with piercing clarity, makes the listener feel both displeased and annoyed. Above all though... His son is right.
"In two years, I will graduate. I will agree to listen to everything Father says, but Father must let Ae go. Otherwise... Father will never get the chance to take revenge on Mother again." Ultimately, it circles back to this man's hatred for his ex-wife.
The woman he once loved, but the woman who makes him feel inferior. The woman who is better in every way and is strong enough to never regret filing for divorce.
The woman who also pours her love into another boy... a boy he knows is even more precious than his ex-wife's own child.
"Do you think you can threaten me?"
"I do not threaten. I simply present an offer to Father, and I know that Father will accept."
At this moment, two pairs of eyes meet each other steadily as if testing one another.
Finally, the one who is more selfish than anyone else pulls out his phone to call the person he has just spoken to. "Let that kid go. I will back off," Thanaphum says in a flat tone, then lowers his hand.
He walks past his son, who watches with a fierce glare. "I will return to Germany the day after tomorrow. Get your things ready... Tell your mother that... in the end, I win."
The father steps into the house, leaving his son standing still in that spot. Tears of sorrow and resentment flow from both eyes, and then Pete steps into the car.
~~~
"Hic... Huh... I'm sorry... Mother, I am sorry... Ae, I am sorry... I have no choice... I am sorry."
Pitchaya gets in and lets out a wail after holding back for several minutes, crying to match the sorrow that reflects his decision. There is no other way that is better than this. His father will never stop if he does not get what he wants, and he has to exchange his mother's happiness for it. Mother must feel sad to see him caught in his father's grip, but he cannot do much more than that.
Pitchaya will never allow Ae to lose his future. He will never allow his father to destroy anyone any further. Even if he must exchange all his happiness for it, he must agree.
"I'm sorry... I am sorry."
Pete does not really know how long he cries. He does not know how he leans his face against the steering wheel. He does not know how many tears flow. He only knows that this sorrow cannot be compared to anything else.
By the time Pitchaya returns to his dorm, it takes several more hours, hours spent drowning in his thoughts and the question of how to tell Ae.
"Where have you been?"
However, before Pete can gather himself, the one he both wants to see and does not want to see is already waiting in the room.
"You are crying." The person who has just been released from the meeting a few hours ago jumps up immediately, rushing straight to his partner, whose eyes are red. In a deep voice, he asks in shock while his two hands try to lift Pete's tear-stained face with concern.
"Is it your father? What has your father done, Pete? What did your father do? I got released because you went to talk to your father, right?"
Even Ae knows that he is being summoned to a hearing for a reason. Upon seeing his partner's tear-stained face, he immediately realizes whose doing it is. Meanwhile, the one being questioned can only wipe his tears with his hand and tries to force a smile in return.
"I went to talk to my father."
"What did he do to you!!!" Inthach asks in a serious tone, appearing as if he wants to rush off to confront whoever makes the person in his arms cry. While Pete still sends a smile, he pulls the big hand from his cheek and leads him to sit together on the large sofa. Then, he lifts that hand to kiss it, resting his cheek against it affectionately.
The actions that Pete normally does not dare to take are making Ae feel... afraid.
"Is something wrong? Tell me," the question makes the person who has been thinking for hours smile faintly.
"I went to talk to my father. I asked him to let you go... You can feel at ease now, okay? He will never interfere with you again."
"What did he say in exchange for that!" While the listener speaks in a harsh tone, he firmly grips one shoulder of the other person, staring into the red, swollen eyes, and finds them trembling, causing his heart to sway with fear.
Even though Ae does not know Pete's father well, a few encounters tell him that there is no way he will let go easily.
"You seem to know our father well," while the storyteller continues to stall, but in the end, Pete knows he must speak.
"I must go study in Germany for two years."
"What do you mean!!!"
The short young man does not want to believe his ears, asking in a harsh tone while squeezing his lover's shoulders tightly. Pete though only puts the hand that was holding his cheek to seek the strength to say the next sentence, then his sharp eyes look up.
"I have told you, right, that my father can control me until I turn 21 or finish my studies... That is our bargaining chip, okay, Ae? I will stay with him for two years so that he can have the right to order this son as he pleases."
"But can you endure that?" The listener still does not understand. No, he tries not to understand what the other person conveys.
Two years... He can endure... just two years.
"I can stay or not, but I must stay... if it means he will not interfere with you."
"You do not need to worry about me. I can take care of myself. I do not want you to go there. What about your mother?" The important person speaks as if it is the anchor that Ae grabs hold of, hoping it will change the other party's mind. Pete merely smiles faintly though, filled with sadness.
"What I told you is not a consultation... I have decided. Otherwise, you would not be here."
"You do not need to worry about me. I told you!" Inthach argues loudly.
"I will never destroy your future... never." While the listener speaks with a firm voice, the soft-headed one responds seriously.
"I have decided. I will go with my father." The short young man wants to shake his head, wants to deny what his partner says.
Yet when looking into those eyes, Inthach speaks with equal weight.
"It is okay, just two years..."
"I also have something to tell you."
Thud.
The young man feels as if the ground is shaking as the watery eyes are looking straight at him. His heart seems to drop away when the other party is gripping his hand tightly, while the orange lips tremble as he utters...
"I... I love you, okay... I love... love you so much..."
Why does the listener feel that this is the saddest confession of love they have ever heard? The speaker looks up fully, gradually releasing the hand they had held tightly.
"But... let us break up."
Thud.
"Let us break up, Ae."
"Ai'Pete!!!" The person who has just regained composure after hearing these words for the second time shouts out loud.
The released hand grabs onto the same hand again, squeezing tightly, moving closer, and asking in confusion, "Why... Why must we break up... I will not break up... I refuse to break up!"
Now Ae feels as if he cannot breathe, feels as if the ground he stands on is sinking away, feels as if someone has pulled his heart out upon hearing... let us break up.
"I will not break up. No matter what, I will not break up... It is your father, right, Pete? Your father... your father is the one who told you to break up with me... I will go talk to him. I will tell him that even if he expels me from university, I will not break up..."
Grip.
"Ae, listen to me. Listen to me first... please... listen to me..." And as the usually hot-tempered one stands up, Pete grips his arms tightly with both hands, pleading with a trembling voice to hear him out. The short young man wants to shake off his hands but can only stand with his back turned, both hands clenched tightly until the knuckles turn white.
"Ae, listen to me... I will not let you lose your future. I will not let your family be harmed. I will not allow your father to destroy anyone you love... I cannot allow it... Please, understand me..." No matter how much Pete pleads, the one who does not want to pay attention to anything anymore, not even his own future, refuses to turn back.
"I do not understand... Why must we break up?" The young man voices his trembling words, gripping the arms of the one who has made a firm decision.
"Ae, turn and talk to me first... please." The plea makes the short young man turn back to meet his gaze, only to find the sharply defined face stained with tears of sorrow.
Pete must hold both cheeks with great affection, speaking in a trembling voice.
"Ae, listen to me... I will not selfishly keep you with me... Two years may not be long, but it is enough time for you to meet someone better, to meet someone who makes you not waste your time... Ae, I know that you are a normal man. I will not close the opportunity for you to meet a woman... I know, sniff... you want to have children. You love kids. I cannot give you that... In the two years I am gone, you might meet the mother of your children..."
"I do not want anyone but you!" Inthach retorts through tears.
"I do not want anyone... no... I only want you." The crying voice of the strong man makes Pete shed more tears as he tries to express his own desires.
"Right now, you might say that, but you should not close off your opportunities. You should be on a normal path... I have always imagined it, you as a father, you with a daughter, you who fiercely protects your own child from anyone getting close... I see you like that. I know you will be a good father... I beg you... can you not accept what I am asking?"
"I do not want... Pete... I do not want children... I do not want to be a father... I only want you."
Ae pulls the other party into an embrace, resting his face on the shoulder, letting his tears flow as he emphasizes that he wants no one but this weak Khun-chai.
However, that is not enough to soften Pete's heart. His two hands stroke the well-shaped head of the one he loves most.
"Ae, promise me that you will not wait for me... promise you will accept yourself if your heart desires someone other than me... promise me, okay? Do you want me to suffer while I am there?" It is as if he knows the weakness of this man because Pete is asking whether he would allow him to suffer and worry about someone here.
"I will not stop loving you."
"Ae... you must promise..." Pete tries to say with a trembling voice, causing the listener to look up, their red-rimmed eyes meeting their beloved.
"My heart... will never stop loving you..."
"But you must promise that if your heart says it does not love anymore... you will open the opportunity for yourself," Pete reiterates, suffering more than anything else. Yet he must have Ae promise. He does not want this man to be shackled by the chains of past feelings.
In the end, the short young man makes a promise.
"I promise... but there will never be a day that I stop loving you."
A promise that is utterly unnecessary because this heart will never be replaced by anyone else who has been protected for the past two years. There will never be anyone else again.
Words that Pete smiles at while stroking the face that everyone says is not handsome, yet he believes Ae is the most handsome man in the world.
Right now, Ae might think that it is impossible to stop loving him, but two years can change a person's heart greatly. He cannot bear it if someday Ae must give his heart to someone else. It is better to say it now. It is better to suffer once, even though Pitchaya knows well that he... will also never have anyone else in his heart but Ae.
"Then this ring..."
Snatch.
"Keep it, I beg you... just keep it... whenever you think you do not love me, you can take it off and throw it away. I do not want it back." Inthach immediately grabs the hand that is about to pull the ring off the finger, shaking his head heavily as if asking to let it stay there.
Pete, who wants to refuse, lowers his hand... cannot bring himself to take it off either. Both stand still in that manner before Ae softly asks,
"you... when will you go?" A statement that seems to accept the decision, causing Pete to lower his head.
"Day after tomorrow, I will return to gather my belongings, and I will likely have Aunt Jeab come to help arrange the room once again."
"I will go send you off..."
"No, please do not go, Ae... I cannot manage if you send me off," Pete firmly states, shaking his head vigorously while releasing his grip and scanning his belongings.
"There is much more than last year, where should I start gathering from..."
Suddenly, "Ae." Out of the blue, a warm embrace wraps around from behind, two hands tightly securing the small waist, causing the one being embraced to softly moan, apprehensive of oneself.
"Just for tonight... just for tonight while we are still partners. Tomorrow morning... I will go out by myself."
When it is the final request from the one most dearly loved, Pete can only respond in acceptance, even while attempting to suppress the tears that are about to flow down.
That night, throughout the night, both merely hold each other quietly within the completely silent room. There are no conversations, yet no one sleeps. They merely clutch their fingertips together tightly, pressing against each other closely as if to withstand the freezing air, to feel the warm skin, not knowing if there will be another opportunity to do this again.
Until the first light of day arrives, the one who keeps the promise merely rises from the bed, pulling their fingertip away with a heart in torment, and then... leans down to kiss the cheek accompanied by tears.
"I love you, Pete... I love you."
~~~
Ae has already left, leaving only one man who lifts his hand to cover his face and cries out loudly.
"Ae, I love you... I love you... love you alone... love you... sniff... why... Why does it have to be like this? Why..."
Similar to the one who reluctantly steps out of the life of the beloved, who collapses to sit against the door and cries out. In the end, no matter how much they love each other... they must part ways.
~~~
"I apologize, Mother. I apologize for making the decision without telling you anything at all."
Khun Patchara is watching her beloved son, whose face is swollen and bruised from crying heavily, as he apologizes to her with tears, causing her to shake her head and pull her little child into an embrace as if Pete were still just a few years old.
"I have always told you that I accept your decision, Pete."
"But Pete... Pete has allowed Father to take revenge on Mother." The listener smiles faintly, knowing that what her son says is true, but she also does not think that that cruel man would blame everything on their child.
"It is all right; it is only two years... Pete chose to stay with Mother for over ten years, so why should Mother not be able to endure giving Father a couple of years?" Khun Patchara gently rocks her son's head, to which the listener lowers his face, feeling guilty.
"Father knows that when you are sad, Mother is even sadder. So, let us look at it from the other side: even if Pete decides to stay in Thailand, allowing Father to harm people here further, you will suffer, and Mother will suffer even more... Therefore, you must be happy, Pete. Go live there; you must show Father that no matter where you are, Pete is someone who will live a happy life," the mother says in a comforting manner, even as her heart aches immensely.
It may be her who stands firm against her ex-husband, causing everything to fall upon this child.
"Mother says to Pete to be happy. Mother also forbids thinking too much, yes." As if knowing what his mother thinks, Pete hugs his mother tightly, speaking in an attempt at a cheerful tone to make Khun Patchara smile faintly.
"Do not worry about me. Here, I have plenty of work to do. Not to mention having an excellent cook like Aunt Jeab to prepare meals for me. Throughout the day, I will probably forget to think of my handsome son entirely."
The listener breaks into a smile, hugging his mother tightly, thanking her for everything that has allowed him to be born as her son.
A mother who loves him more than anyone.
A mother who never cares about how others see her son.
A mother who has always tried to protect and care for him throughout the years.
A mother who accepts her child's decisions, regardless of the path chosen.
His mother is the greatest woman.
"I love you, Mother, yes."
"Yes, Mother knows. But we should start packing now, or else Pete will have nothing to take with him over there." Pitchaya smiles in response, but before he begins to pack as his mother suggests, Aunt Jeab comes in, speaking uncertainly.
"Khun Delee is here, Khun-nu. I told her that you were not free, but somehow she insists on meeting you."
"It is alright, Aunt," although surprised, Pete steps out of the room, wondering how his friend arrived at this time.
"Pete, I am sorry. I didn't mean for things to turn out this way. I did not know that Uncle Phum would hurt you this much."
If Pete has been wondering all along why his father knows about his relationship with Ae, the answer lies in his close friend with the sorrowful expression... the one who is confessing everything to him.
"When I learned that Uncle Phum returned to Thailand, I asked to meet him. I told him that the real reason Pete went to the hospital was because of that man. That is the truth; Pete would never get involved with thugs if not led by someone else. Therefore, I went to tell Uncle because I wanted him to open your eyes, but I did not think it would be this serious... I did not think you would have to go to Germany."
Delee speaks with great restraint. She feels guilty for having told the other's father about this matter, yet she is too afraid to confess. However, having heard from others that Pete is moving to live with his father, she must come and confess everything, hoping Pete will understand.
She only wishes well. She does not want Pete to mistakenly fall for a man.
All of this makes the young man listen calmly.
"Pete, please forgive me. I did it because I love you, Pete," Delee says, her expression filled with hope, looking at his pale face, hoping he will forgive her.
She is taken aback when Pete asks one simple question.
"Do people who love each other hurt each other like this, Delee?"
"Pete..."
"I know, Delee. I know that you meant well, but your good intentions have destroyed my life. Do you realize that Ae almost went to jail? His family nearly fell into debt. He was about to be expelled from university, and he and I broke up just as you wished, Delee," the young man speaks with the same tone, yet deep down, it is filled with anger and dissatisfaction.
However, what does anger achieve now when there is no way to turn everything back?
The girl bites her lip tightly, tears welling in her eyes, as if they are about to fall.
"Pete, I'm sorry. We are still friends, right?"
"I forgive you..." The listener smiles immediately, making a move to take his hand.
She halts though when Pete gives a smile and says, "But we cannot go back to being friends again. I cannot look at the face of someone who caused me to lose the person I love the most. I am sorry, Delee... Let us not be friends anymore. I cannot bear to look at the face of a friend who has hurt my heart like this…"
"I am sorry; I must hurry to pack. I will not be able to send you off. So... goodbye," he concludes, turning back into the house, leaving a woman to mourn her own actions.
Love takes many forms, but Delee chose to seek love by hurting from behind. Thus, even the love that friends give to each other... also comes to an end.
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