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Perspective - Pete (Pitchaya)
"I'm going to speak to Father. I won't let him do this to Ae's family."
"And will he listen to you, Pete?"
"I...I don't know. But I can't just let it go."
After I recklessly come to see Ae at midnight, I have to thank his family for not saying anything, even when they see me standing there, embracing Ae. Ae's mother simply opens the door to let me in, his father tells me to stay over, his brother gives me a smile, and his sister-in-law asks if I've eaten anything yet. That makes me feel even guiltier as I press Ae to tell me what happened, and he finally agrees to share.
My father can't harm me or Ae directly, so he takes it out on Ae's family instead.
All of this is my fault. Ae or his family shouldn't have to face this at all.
"Calm down, Ai'Pete, calm down. You're going to lose your breath," Ae says, even as he goes through his own troubles. Yet, he still consoles me, rubbing my back. He could be angry at me, but he isn't. As I pant, breathing faster with anger, I take a deep breath, trying to restrain the urge to criticize my own father.
"Are you calmer now?"
"I...can't calm down, Ae. I can't calm down. While I don't know what's going on, Father is squeezing your family, and he might do even more than this," I tell him in a trembling voice. I never thought that Father could be this cruel.
I knew that Father neglected Mother, but I never thought he would destroy my happiness by hurting others.
"I will tell Mother."
"You have told me that Mother is all right because Grandmother helps." Just when I see a way out, he douses my hope once again, making me press my lips tightly together.
Yes, Mother isn't under any influence from Father because of Grandmother, but I can't ask Grandmother for help regarding this matter.
If Grandmother knows that I am gay, the situation might become even worse. She loves me, but she is like Father, who loves prestige and lineage. She wouldn't accept that I am in a relationship with a man, and there is a possibility that she would pressure Ae even more than my father does.
Or, on another note... she might even have a heart attack.
I can only lower my head, looking at my hands tightly clenched together. I want to cry, but I cannot make a sound, while Ae reaches out to squeeze my hand.
"You don't need to worry. My family isn't in such a dire situation."
I go silent, and even though I know how much he values his dignity, I still say it.
"Ae, can you take my money for P'Oh?"
Silence.
Ae looks at me as if he cannot believe his eyes, and then he speaks with a stern tone.
"I will never take your money!"
"But, Ae..."
"If I accept your money, it's like I'm agreeing with what your father said. Ai'Pete, I am not a parasitic gigolo, and I don't want even a single baht from you!" He rejects me, but I try to reason with him.
"But P'Oh needs it, Ae. Even I know how fast the interest on underground loans increases. Are you willing to let P'Oh suffer, or..."
Grab.
Before I can finish speaking, Ae firmly grips my shoulder, looking directly into my eyes. His voice is unyielding as he speaks.
"Listen to me, Ai'Pete...P'Oh will never take your money."
I stare back into his eyes, and I see a man who believes in himself and in his family, someone who will never accept money from anyone, no matter how much hardship he faces. Ae has been that way for as long as I can remember.
"But I...sob...it's my fault..."
Grip.
"It's not your fault. Not at all, Pete. It's not your fault." The moment I start to sob from the stress, Ae pulls me close to comfort me, his voice whispering next to my ear. He kisses my temple, and even though he's under immense pressure himself, he still reassures me.
"I'll find a way with P'Oh... Don't blame yourself." I can only close my eyes, resting my face against his shoulder, holding him tightly, unable to say a single word.
I need to come to an agreement with my father. That night, I lie in Ae's arms, though neither of us sleeps. We simply lie there, holding hands in silence, both trying to think of a solution to this problem. Yet, no matter how much I ponder, everything always comes back to…me.
~~~
"Khun Phum is not here, Khun Pete. He left early this morning."
When I leave Ae's house, I can only apologize to everyone, but no one in his family says a single word against me. They only smile, asking why I'm leaving so soon and why I'm not staying for breakfast? I decline, heading straight to the guest house where my father and his new family are staying during their time in Thailand.
As soon as I step inside though, Khun Su tells me this.
"Where did my father go? Did he say anything?"
"No, Khun Phum didn't mention anything except that he has work commitments in Thailand, so we haven't returned to Germany yet... But it's good. it gives Al time to learn Thai," my stepmother says, smiling warmly at me, her expression sincere.
Father told no one. Or in another sense...he would never acknowledge having a gay son, not even to his own wife.
"P'Pete, take me out for a bit," my younger brother says, coming out of the house with a broad smile the moment he sees me. I only manage a faint smile in return.
"Not today, I'm sorry, Al, but I can't. I have business to attend to."
"Business, business, business! I hate that word! Father says he has business too!" I don't think my brother's Thai is that bad, as he's shouting with a scowl. I try to give him a reassuring smile, though I can feel how forced it is.
"I'm really sorry."
"Is something wrong, Khun Pete? You...seem like you're troubled." I turn to my stepmother, admiring how perceptive she is. However, I simply offer her a smile and brush it off.
"I'm alright. Well, I'll be heading back now." I say my farewells, leaving the guest house quickly, even though I have no idea where to find my father. When I call him, he cuts the line, as though he knows I'm looking for him and understands exactly how much anguish this causes me.
Perspective - Ae (Inthach)
Ai'Pete left early in the morning, and I suspect he's gone to track down his father, despite my warning him that it is pointless.
A man who stoops to crushing another family will never stop, even if his own son begs him. I realize that Pete's father likely wants only one thing—for us to break up. I immediately understand though it's not out of concern for Pete. The way he speaks about his son is more than enough to reveal that he fears losing face more than anything else.
"It's been a long time, young Ae. You've grown so much!" Since staying at home only leads to endless thoughts, when my brother says he has to deliver some goods to a regular client—even though it is Sunday—I volunteer to go myself. I greet my brother's friend, who now works as a contractor.
"No, no. You're still the same size, aren't you?"
"I'm several centimeters taller than before, Phii," I reply, unloading the items from the back of the pickup truck.
"I heard Ai'Oh landed a big project. Well, then, we'll have to make him treat us to a meal soon."
Thunk.
I freeze the moment I hear about the contract bid, but I say nothing about what is going on. I simply keep unloading the goods, placing them where he points, and hand him the delivery slip to sign.
I say goodbye and drive off, though my heart feels heavy.
What can I do to help my brother?
This thought keeps circling in my mind. Though I am the cause of this problem, I haven't told my family that. Worse still, I can't actually do anything to help them. All I can manage are small tasks, like helping out with work.
"Because I'm still a kid, right? Damn it, when will I grow up?" I mutter, punching the steering wheel before leaning my head against it.
I'm still just a student. What kind of job could I possibly do to repay the large amount my brother has to cover? Who could I even borrow from? And then, Pete's face appears in my mind.
No. I will never be a parasitic gigolo living off my own partner!
Suddenly, I think of someone... Someone who would definitely have money to lend me.
The moment this thought occurs to me, I pick up my phone and make the call.
"What's up, Ai'Ae, Ae, Ae, Ae~"
Ai'Khaen greets me with a mocking tone, and I hear a loud slurp as he's sucking on something. I ignore it and get straight to the point.
"Is Ai'Tinn there?"
"Whoa, surprising! You, of all people, want to talk to my romantic partner? Since when did you two make peace?"
I simply respond with…
"Is he there? It's urgent."
"Alright, alright, fierce as always. I'll put you on speaker… Hey, Ai'Tinn, Ai'Ae wants to talk to you."
I don't care if Ai'Khaen overhears, as my nerves are so on edge that I need to talk to his partner immediately.
"Eat properly. You're spilling it everywhere… So, what's the urgent matter with me?"
I'm still irritated by Ai'Tinn's usual tone, but I try to stay calm and get to the point.
"I have a favor to ask."
"You, asking for a favor... Go on."
Ai'Tinn sounds genuinely surprised. I think that, in the past, he wouldn't have wanted to hear my voice at all. Now though, he's actually willing to listen to me. Yet, suddenly, I find myself at a loss for words.
Ai'Tinn is one of the people who once accused me of getting involved with Ai'Pete because of his money.
"Well? I don't have all day to wait around for you."
"Hey, Tinn, speak nicely to my friend, will you? Ae actually went through the trouble of calling to ask for help." Ai'Khaen's voice cuts in. "So, Ae, tell us. I'm listening."
My throat feels heavy all of a sudden, until I remember P'Nut's face when she said there was another child on the way.
I can't ruin my brother's family for this bloody pride.
"I… need to borrow some money."
"You, really?" Tinn seems really surprised, but I manage to get it out.
"Because of Ai'Pete's father."
"One moment." That from Tinn.
"Hey, Tinn, where are you going? I want to hear this too!"
"Finish that. Can't you see it's melting all over?"
...So, what is it?"
I think he has turned off the speaker by now, and he probably knows something about Ai'Pete's father. Otherwise, he would have let Ai'Khaen keep listening in. That thought makes me tell him a brief version of what happened. Then he falls silent for a while, and I think he won't help.
"How much do you need?" Suddenly, Tinn asks.
"A million." I need the money to pay back the loan shark first, because my brother has said that the bank loan is not a problem yet. And I do not want to believe that I am hearing this.
I will have my lawyer prepare the loan agreement for you. I will not charge interest. You can start repaying it after graduation.
I do not want to believe what I hear at all. I think that the chance for Ai'Tinn to help me is very slim, yet he tells me like this until I grip the phone tightly.
"Why?"
I inadvertently ask like that, and then I hear his cold voice soften as if he is a different person.
"Because you are the reason I met Khaen."
That is Ai'Tinn's reason, and he tells me that tomorrow I should meet him at the faculty. He will prepare the money and the contract for me until I can only...
"Thank you. Thank you very much."
"I do it because of Khaen."
He tells me only that and then hangs up while my heart begins to have hope. I drive back home, thinking about how I will tell P'Oh to accept this amount of money. However, just as I drive up to the front of the house, my hope changes to displeasure when I see... a familiar car.
Bang!
I close the door with a loud bang, almost running into the house to see if I am merely thinking too much. A vehicle like this does not necessarily have only one driver. However, before I can run up to the living room, I see...
"Thank you very much for coming today," my mother says to a tall man with a humble demeanor. And that man... is Ai'Pete's father.
Pete's father shoots a disdainful glance at me, sweeping his eyes over me from head to toe with contempt for the state of a delivery boy. He adjusts his suit as if my house has made it dirty, and then he turns and leaves my house without looking back at me or my home, causing my heart to drop to my ankles.
"Mother." I turn back to my mother and find that she is walking upstairs.
"Ugh, it's rare to have guests of that level. It made me tense," she remarks.
"Mother, why was he here? Why was he here?"
I run after my mother and see that my sister-in-law is collecting two or three glasses, and she turns to look at me with a sad expression. Meanwhile, P'Oh is sitting on the sofa, holding his temples, prompting me to rush over to him.
"P'Oh!"
"Oh, you are here, Ae. Just in time; it is almost lunchtime..."
"Why was he here, brother? Why was he here!" I shout in my brother's face, watching him rub his face hard before he stands up.
"What is there to eat at noon, Nut?"
Thud.
"P'Oh! Why did Ai'Pete's father come here? What did he say to you?" I yank my brother's collar to make him turn and look at me. He lets out a heavy sigh of surrender and begins to recount.
"He came to say that you and his son are in a relationship and that he does not accept what has happened. Then, while father was in shock and mother was making a face as if she had seen a ghost, he said he would offer money to our family to pay off all debts so that you and Pete would break up." P'Oh tells it as if it is a joke, but I do not find it funny. I grip his collar tightly and speak with a tone of disappointment.
"Did you take his money?"
P'Oh looks into my eyes silently, but he still does not say anything. At that moment, I feel as if the whole family is betraying me, turning their backs on me and shaking hands with that demon to destroy my life.
Thud.
"How can you do this to your younger brother? How can you do this? Pete and I love each other. Did you hear that Pete and I love each other?" I shout in his face, shaking his collar, prompting my brother to ask back in a deep voice.
"Do you think your brother is that kind of person?" P'Oh asks me, but I cannot think of anything else. I just want to hit him, to hurt him in proportion to what he accepted. But then...
"Do you think I would sell my younger brother? Remember this well in your head, Ae: even if I am at my wits' end, I will never sell my younger brother. I will never destroy his happiness for just a few million. Keep that in your head!"
I can only stand there stunned, looking at my brother as he shouts at me, and my hand that held his collar falls to my side.
"You did not agree."
"Have you been looking at me like this all along, Ai'Ae? No! I do not accept a single baht. I only know that his father staged it to be a breach of contract. Damn it, just thinking about it makes me angry. Do you know how hard I have restrained myself from hitting your romantic partner's father? My hands are trembling. Mother is the same. She gritted her teeth and cursed at him until her hands and feet shook!"
I remain silent, looking at my family who are filled with rage, while P'Nut walks over to my side.
"Ae... I have known from the beginning that you and Pete are involved. P'Oh has also known because I told him myself... No one in this house is going to reject you and Pete being together," P'Nut says as she touches my shoulder, speaking to me in a gentle tone, leaving me speechless.
"Hey, you know, if you bring your romantic partner into the house for a whole year, at least say something to your parents! Not have me learn from my wife. Last night was the same too, with you two hugging so closely, anyone can tell that you are not just friends... Even though at first, I had a small concern about you dating a man…"
I can only look at my brother who ruffles my hair roughly, while my father also speaks up.
"Ae, we are not rich people who care how society views us. If you love him, I will not forbid it."
"Moreover, Pete is a good boy. Your mother does not have any objections... except for that scoundrel father of his," my parents say to me while I lower my head as P'Oh sighs at me.
"Do not worry, Ai'Ae. It is only three million, not three hundred million. I can earn it to pay off his debt. At most, he will just have to go humbly ask his father-in-law. Do not forget, I will make another grandchild for him. This amount of money he can help with," right now, I truly cannot say anything. I can only lower my head to look at my feet and realize how cowardly I am.
I fear that no one will accept me, so I have never spoken, never shared. Now though my family is telling me that they can accept everything.
"I am sorry, I am sorry, father, mother, I am sorry." I feel that my face is getting wet. The stress from the past few days is turning into tears, while P'Oh also moves closer.
Grip.
Perspective - Pete (Pitchaya)
Does Ae ask to borrow money from Tinn?
On Monday morning, I cannot believe my ears when my friend tells me what happened yesterday. Ae called and pleaded for something.
"Uh-huh, but then in the evening, he called to say there is no need anymore. He can handle it by himself now."
I sigh, but it does not lessen my stress at all. I still cannot find my father and do not know how to contact him or ask him to stop, but at least the news that Ae has managed the family situation may be the best news I have had in several days.
"Will your father agree to stop just like this?"
Thud.
I pause, turning to look at my closest friend, as Tinn also turns to talk to me with a serious expression.
"I have heard your father's name, including that he is a personality that does not yield to anyone."
It is not surprising that he somewhat knows my father, because to be honest, Tinn's family might even know my grandmother.
"I do not know…"
"Or you just refuse to accept it."
I fall silent.
Yes, it is as Tinn said. I might just be refusing to accept that my father will never recognize Ae's goodness. He will never care about my happiness because if I accept it, I will realize that my father will never stop until he gets what he wants. Then the way he will achieve that… will all fall upon Ae.
"We will not break up," I mutter softly.
I do not want to break up with Ae. I want to believe that love conquers all. I want to believe that we can get through this together, no matter how tough it may be.
But I... might be thinking too simply.
Thoughts swirl in my head, even during the evening when I wait for Ae to return together. However, the person who appears is not Ae, but... Pond.
"Ai'Pete, do you know about this yet!"
"Know? What do you know?" I ask with surprise, my heart filled with fear... fear of hearing that something has happened to Ae again.
Meanwhile, Pond speaks to me with an irritated demeanor.
"Well, the university has set up a committee to investigate the incident where Ai'Ae almost killed Ai'Trump. Trump told the police that he nearly died at the hands of Ai'Ae, so Ai'Ae has to face attempted murder charges... damn it, can't he just go to hell alone? Being in prison, he still has the means to interfere with Ai'Ae again. Didn't they say his lawyer is utterly useless?" Pond curses at length as I remain frozen, my eyes welling up with tears.
Here it is, my father's answer.
If I do not end this... I am the one who will destroy Ae's future.
I must accept the reality now.
Real life is not a novel. There is no such thing as... love conquering all; there is only... money that rules the world.
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