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Perspective - Third Person
Sometimes, when wanting to know how the game on the field is going, one can look at the cheerleaders. Because if anyone turns to look at the side where Tinn and Pete are sitting, they would immediately know that the game on the field is in... crisis.
The score is now 1-0.
We are not 1; we are 0.
Therefore, the cheerleaders of the team with a captain named Techno sit watching the game anxiously. The excitement from winning the previous round has completely disappeared, unlike the other side, which has brought in people to cheer, with the sound of drums, cheers, and shouting echoing as time is running out in the next three minutes.
Three minutes in which we're still hoping to score, but something unexpected happens.
Thud.
Crash.
Suddenly, Type, who is dribbling the ball to pass to the other side, crashes into a player from the other team with full force, causing his tall body to tumble onto the ground. The studs of the cleats hit his shin squarely, making the fourth-year senior collapse, clutching his leg tightly with both hands. His face shows clear pain, causing the entire stadium to rise in concern. The whistle blares as someone runs over to check his condition.
And in the end... they have to make a substitution.
"Will it really be okay?" Tinn, sitting with his arms crossed, comments casually as soon as he sees who is stepping onto the field as a replacement. However, in his sharp eyes, concern is clearly visible, as the person entering the field looks quite startled, glancing at the senior multiple times. Pete's quiet question follows those words.
"Since you're worried about Khaen... why don't you just talk to him directly?" It's one of the rare times Pitchaya probes into someone else's matters, but it's clear how much the person next to him cares about the one running on the field.
"Talking won't do any good."
"It's not that it won't do any good; maybe Tinn isn't being clear enough, right?"
Swish.
The listener turns back, immediately locking eyes in a challenging way, which makes Pete smile apologetically.
"I didn't mean to meddle in your affairs, Tinn. I just think Khaen is genuinely happy that you came, and I don't know what made you think Khaen only sees you as a friend. However, before the game, everyone said Khaen has been quiet. Isn't that because you haven't gone to see him?"
"Why should I go?" Tinn remains Tinn, answering in his usual defiant manner, making the listener pause for a moment before sighing.
"Actually, Khaen told me not to mention it to you... I ran into Khaen at the faculty. It seemed like he was there to meet you. I'm not sure, but I asked him, and he said he didn't know why he came either. Before he realized it, he was already at our faculty. Whether out of habit or whatever, Khaen still came to see you, Tinn." Everything Pete says isn't just to encourage, but because it's the truth he witnessed.
No matter what Khaen said to his friend, his actions show that Tinn has quite an effect on that cheerful person.
The words leave the listener in silence, eyes focused on the game as it enters stoppage time with just three minutes remaining. Tinn's sharp gaze follows the player chasing the ball relentlessly, despite being drenched in sweat. The person is pushing with all their might to equalize the score with the opposing team.
Even though the chances of changing the outcome of this game are nearly impossible, Khaen continues to give his all, just as the coach trusted him to step in for the senior.
Wham!
The ball slams into the back of the net. However, it's not a goal for their university but for the opposing team, who now leads 2-0 with just over a minute left.
For Tinn, once he knows defeat is inevitable, why keep fighting? Wouldn't it be better to step back and go after something where he's confident he can win? Like with his father, his mother, his brother—when he knew there was no way to win the family game, he cut ties with everyone, becoming the bad son who didn't care about his parents.
If you're going to lose, why keep trying so hard?
Tinn asks himself again, but his eyes can't turn away from the person still chasing that round ball with unwavering determination. Someone who seems unconcerned with how much time is left, caring only about giving their absolute best. Even though the rest of the team has given up, barely running anymore, his Khaen-ta-lup is still fighting with everything he has.
The young man asks himself once more, the same question he has asked himself before, when—
"Whoooaaa!" A cheer erupts from the stadium, but not from this side. It's the victorious team roaring loudly after winning with a score of 2-0. Meanwhile, the defeated team collapses onto the field, utterly exhausted, knowing they needed at least one goal to have a chance to keep competing.
The loss itself wasn't the end, but losing 2-0 means they can't move forward.
It is over. The university football tournament has ended far too quickly.
At this moment, the two teams on the field shake hands—one side beaming with victorious smiles, while the other wears their disappointment plainly in their eyes. After the handshake, both teams part ways, heading in opposite directions, as Pitchaya stands up quietly.
"I'm going to check on Ae," he says, his voice full of concern as he takes long strides toward the football team, now gathered around their coach. He leaves Tinn sitting still, watching the pale-skinned figure with single-lidded eyes walk away with slumped shoulders. Soon though, Khaen smiles.
It is a smile that makes Tinn feel as though... Khaen is about to cry.
~~~
"Hey, don't look so down! We might not have won this year, but there's always next year," a voice suddenly calls out amidst the gloom that hangs over the team as they pack up their gear. Kirakorn is trying to lift their spirits, even though no one seems willing to speak. They all quietly gather their cleats, while the one trying to lighten the mood speaks in a half-serious and half-joking manner.
"Come on, don't all look so glum! The girls at this university are all cute. If you keep making that sad wrinkled face like a grilled chicken butt, you won't get a single phone number! I saw one of them checking you out earlier, P'New. Bet she's into those short-shorts you wear!" Khaen teases, confidently predicting, but instead of the usual banter, everyone stays silent. Only a few seniors glance up at him.
"Shut up, Ai'Khaen. No matter how much you talk, the fact is we still lost."
"So what if we lost? There's always next year, Phii! We'll get another chance."
"You might've forgotten, but I'm in my fourth year. After this, I won't have the chance to compete like this again."
Thunk.
The listener freezes at the senior's words, while the other just gives a cold smile, stuffing socks into his bag without ever turning to meet his gaze again.
Khaen still tries to speak encouragingly.
"But you can still play football together, right? Don't be so stressed, you and the rest of the team," Khaen tries again.
He hates seeing everyone so defeated, hoping at least someone will start talking. Instead, they just keep their heads down, staring at their bags. Being the team clown only seems to make things worse.
"Shut up. I'm sick of listening to you."
"Aw, come on, Phii. You know I talk a lot. I'm the alert type, you know? Alert. Can't sit still, gotta talk. If I don't, my saliva will rot…"
Grab.
"Do you want to try staying quiet for once!!!" Suddenly, the hot-headed one, still unwilling to accept defeat, lunges and grabs the younger's collar with force.
Khaen, still smiling, speaks in a reassuring tone. "Go ahead. If punching me will make you feel better, then do it."
Deflate.
"Come on, you two. What are you gonna get out of fighting?" At that moment, Techno, seeing the situation spiraling, quickly steps in to intervene, wedging himself between his friend and the junior.
He pulls his friend's hand off Khaen's collar and then...
Smack. …delivers a hard slap to Khaen's head.
"You're really asking for it, Ai'Pheuak Monkey. Go sit and think about what you've done for five minutes."
"Oh come on, P'No…"
"Ai'Khaen!" When the upperclassman repeats himself, Kirakorn obediently moves to sit on his knees like a samurai showing remorse, while Techno smiles gratefully.
Even though Khaen almost gets punched, he still tries to lighten the mood.
"I humbly admit my fault. Master, please punish me."
"This guy's always playing around... And as for you, come on, the kid just wants us to smile. So smile a little. You know Ai'Khaen doesn't mean any harm," Techno tells his teammate, who huffs in annoyance, glaring at the younger boy before sighing in frustration.
"It's because you always let him off the hook. I'm not saying anything against him playing around, but can't he choose the right time? We just lost, man. You expect me to laugh at his jokes right now? Is that reasonable? Let us mourn the loss first, will you?" The question shows Techno just how upset his friend is.
They're in their fourth year now, having been part of this football team for four years. They've gone through countless battles but never made it to the finals in the university sports competition. So, it's understandable to feel frustrated. Techno, who's also poured his heart into this team, feels the same pain—so much so that he can barely speak, leaving Ai'Khaen to try and lift everyone's spirits.
"Come on, Ai'Khaen means well... And since we're talking about it, I have something to say too." Techno smiles at the team, who all look up attentively.
"Losing this time doesn't mean we'll lose forever. We're in our fourth year now, about to go our separate ways. Sure, we can come back and play together, but it won't be the same. We won't all get to compete together again... Fight on, okay? There's still next year. Give it everything you've got. There has to be a year where it's our turn."
Techno encourages the team, as everyone looks at each other.
"You're not feeling pumped up, are you, Ai'No?" Type speaks up first.
"My captain can only speak like a pawn," Champ teases his friend, causing the team captain to glare.
"Say something more uplifting, brother. Speaking like this isn't boosting anyone's spirits."
"Do you want me to sing the national anthem for you?" Of course, Techno replies sarcastically.
"That would be great. Make it really motivating."
"You guys are idiots. I'm your team captain, not a prime minister here to sing motivational songs for you," Techno complains softly to the mouthy ones starting to target him. However, the smiles returning to many faces make Techno start to smile too.
"And what does my problem have to do with you?" There it is; Ai'New plays him again, prompting a big sigh from him.
"Alright, I'm not going to joke about your father or your problem anymore. Come on, get up. We have to go back to school. If we're slow, the coach will scold us to death."
However, before driving the group of little monkeys back to the university, the team captain wants to fulfill his role as captain a little. Even though he still has minor competitions ahead, the biggest one is over.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't feel hurt. It's okay to feel hurt because feeling hurt means you still care about the competition. But once you feel hurt, you have to push yourself. Remember that we have to win. We have to win!!!" Occasionally, the captain says something that resonates with the team, prompting some light applause from his close friends.
"I'll let you slide this time," Type jokes before nodding towards the one who is about to make a sarcastic remark.
"Look at Samu; he's sulking," several people turn to see the one trying to lighten the mood and find Khaen sitting with a grimace on his face, looking as if he has to poop. In reality, he probably just wants to complain, yet he doesn't make a sound, wearing a face like a discarded dog wondering if he can get up.
"Are you going to sit there until your roots grow? Come on, Ai'Khaen!" Techno shouts at his younger brother, prompting him to whine.
"How come when I talk, no one listens, but when you say something, everyone suddenly smiles? It's so unfair!"
"Don't come looking for fairness with your seniors! Being older means you can say whatever you want," Techno boasts, which brings the group back to life.
Naturally, Khaen pouts and says… "The seniority system is outdated, Ai'No. It should be based on ability, so the team can thrive. When you graduate, I want to be the captain."
"No way! You can't even run properly in your first competition. Wouldn't it be better to let Ai'Ae take your place? He scored, after all," Techno lightly slaps the younger brother on the head, making Khaen groan as he throws himself down to lie sprawled on the ground, not caring if it's dirty, looking up at his seniors as they begin to leave.
"It hurts, Ai'No, Ai'Type," he says, as the two seniors smile back.
"In sports, there are wins and losses. When you lose, remember it, so next time you can try harder to win."
"Is this the speech of someone who's been losing for four years?"
"You bloody fucking cur, Khaen!!!"
"Hey, hey, hey! Seniors, I'm just sulking. I'm sorry! I am wrong! I'm sorry!" Seeing his seniors about to scold him, Khaen quickly raises his hands in surrender while getting up, with Ae helping him up.
Once he's standing straight, and everyone is walking away, Ae turns to say…
"Then, I'll head back separately." Everyone turns to follow Inthach's gaze, spotting someone standing and waiting in the distance.
Pat, pat.
"Yeah, go ahead... there will be another chance, Ai'Ae." Techno pats his junior's shoulder.
Ae simply smiles but says nothing, only slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking toward the person waiting for him. Then, they walk off in the other direction.
"That's his romantic partner, right?" Type remarks first.
"What? You knew!"
"Well, it's not like I couldn't know. Ai'Ae never acted like he was trying to hide it. He just didn't say anything." Type responds, turning to address Khaen, even messing with the excitable guy's hair as Khaen's eyes grow wide with a How did you know? look.
However, it's only a moment before Khaen quietly excuses himself.
"You guys go ahead. I need to wash my face. Can't stand this heat." Khaen says, quickly running off in the other direction. The two seniors exchange a glance, and then Type gives his friend a firm pat on the shoulder.
"My own romantic partner isn't around right now, so you can borrow my shoulder." The words make his friend sigh.
"No way! I don't want any trouble with your partner. I'll go home and bury my face in a pillow to cry... Man, I wish I could go back to freshman year. Then I could cry and just blame it on being young. Still hurts that we just lost our first match." The listener laughs, walking arm-in-arm with his friend toward the other teammates.
"Just because we're seniors doesn't mean we can't cry. Let's go. I'll treat you to drinks tonight... but first, I should tell the coach that Ai'Ae and Ai'Khaen probably won't be coming back with us."
"Why Khaen too?"
"I saw his driver waiting for him earlier." Even though Techno doesn't fully understand, worrying about juniors won't make his gloom any better.
~~~
At the same time, the person who said he was going to wash his face keeps his head down, staring at the ground. The broad smile from a moment ago, so wide it seemed to mask all feeling, is shrinking with every passing second. Both hands are clenching together tighter and tighter. His quick steps are slowing down more and more. Then...
Sob. Both shoulders start trembling as his face remains lowered, looking only at the ground, where clear drops of water are now falling and splashing.
Perhaps the one who acts as if nothing is wrong might actually be the one most affected.
"Khaen," the voice calls.
Despite holding back this entire time, despite trying to play the clown who makes the seniors laugh, just hearing this voice causes the dam of tears he’s been holding back since realizing he lost to burst forth. His tear-streaked face tilts upward.
"Ai'Tinn," his trembling voice says, making the person in front of him slowly open his arms.
"Come here."
Grab.
This time, there is no hesitation as Khaen steps into the embrace of the spoiled, arrogant Khun-chai, clutching Tinn's back tightly as he buries his face against the other’s shoulder in utter weakness. Khaen lets his tears stain the other’s university shirt, drop after drop.
"Ai'Tinn, I lost... We lost."
The listener says nothing, merely stroking the back of the one trembling from suppressed sobs. He shows no disgust at the one covered in sweat, bits of grass, and dust—just silently listens.
"Why? Why did we have to lose? Are we not good enough? Are we not good enough?" Khaen tightens his grip on the other’s shirt, knocking his head against his chest repeatedly with force.
"Where did I not try hard enough? Why? We practiced until we were dead tired, but we only got to compete in two... just two rounds. If I... Hiccup, sob... if Phii Type weren’t injured, if I didn’t have to take his place, would we have won? It’s because I’m useless... Hiccup, sob... I made the team lose." Khaen cries uncontrollably, his sobs and sniffling blending into a mess, all while blaming himself.
This was Khaen’s first time playing in an actual match. Even if it was only a few minutes, that brief time might have been enough to turn things around. However, when he joined, they conceded another goal—one that Phii Type surely would have blocked.
The thought continues to hammer in Khaen's mind: the one who failed wasn’t the team; it was him, and him alone.
Tinn shakes his head at such words, lightly patting Khaen’s back.
"You’re not useless. You’re the best, in fact."
"I’m not good! I’m beyond useless—completely worthless! I made the team lose! Did you hear me? I made the team lose!!!" Khaen’s loud outburst in response to Tinn’s comfort only grows louder, still stuck in his belief.
But that makes Tinn smile, unbothered even by the tears staining his shirt.
"You’re saying the person who chased the ball relentlessly isn’t good?"
"I... sob..."
"You’re saying the one who didn’t give up even with just seconds left on the clock isn’t good?"
"I... don’t... sob..."
"And you’re saying the one who gave his all despite knowing there was no chance to win isn’t good?"
"I... don’t know... I don’t know..." Khaen sobs in Tinn’s arms, making Tinn smile.
"You were good, Khaen. At least, you were the best in my eyes."
For the first time, Tinn consoles someone crying. If it were anyone else, he would have walked away without a second thought. For this person though, he couldn’t bear to let him cry alone. He had to step in, wanting to be the one Khaen could rely on.
"I don’t want to be good... I want to win." Finally, Khaen steps back slightly, looking up with a face that seems like a child complaining to his parents about being bullied.
Tinn reaches out to gently wipe away his tears.
"Ai'Tinn, it hurts... It hurts in here!" Khaen pounds his own chest hard, but Tinn catches his hand before he can bruise himself.
"I know. I know exactly what that pain feels like," Tinn says softly, his voice so gentle that Khaen’s sobbing face crumples even more.
The more Tinn tries to comfort him, the harder Khaen cries. Initially, he only planned to cry secretly in the restroom, then return to his teammates with a fake smile. However, seeing Tinn—seeing someone he felt he could cry in front of—made it impossible to hold back the tears of frustration.
"I want to cry."
"You’re already crying, aren’t you?"
"I’m going to cry more."
"Then cry it all out."
"I... I’m going to cry until I forget everything."
Tinn knows no one truly cries until they forget, but when he sees Khaen bawling with a face so pitiful it’s almost unrecognizable, he pulls Khaen’s head back onto his shoulder.
"Alright, cry until you forget everything. Cry on me." With such words of comfort, even the Pheuak Monkey can’t muster a smile anymore, instead burrowing into the arms of the spoiled Khun-chai he has insulted so often. But this Khun-chai has an embrace that makes the pain of failure feel just a little lighter.
When it’s Ai'Tinn, Khaen just wants to cry, to be vulnerable, because he now knows that no matter how flawed Tinn is, he’ll still be there to console him.
"Ai'Tinn, sob Ai'Tinn, I’m going to cry... I’m going to cry."
"I know. Go ahead, cry it all out." And hearing those words, Khaen forgets entirely about the teammates waiting for him. All he can do is display his weakness in the arms of the one he insists is just a friend.
A friend who he knows by his face... that he can trust him with his tears.
A friend like that.
NEXT Chapter 60 - Kirakorn's Method for Soothing a Heartache
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