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Perspective - Khaen (Khaen-ta-lup)
...This noon, are you coming to eat?
…I am not going.
…Reading this means acknowledgment. See you at the football field...
…I am not going! I am going to eat with the seniors, damn it!
Frustration, bloody fucking frustration, utterly frustrating.
I can only think in slight irritation as I stare at the short message lingering on my phone screen. And because I am someone who keeps my word, I quickly look and reply. And what happens, do you know? From the moment Ai'Tinn tells me to meet at the football field, no matter how many messages I bombard him with, he goes completely silent, vanishing into the cemetery.
If I interpret this, it probably means...
"I read it, meaning I acknowledge it. But if he does not choose to open it, it means he has not seen it, right?"
He is definitely pretending not to see it!
"Hey, Pheuak Monkey, let’s go eat!"
"Phii Type." When the seniors who went to freshen up return, I stay quiet, making an exaggerated anime-style pout, pulling a classic anime "pouty mouth" face, and even yelling like a buffalo in the slaughterhouse. Then, I mimic anime actions.
“Ha ha ha! What is wrong with you? Your eyes look just like Keroro.” I pout even more and act all whiny.
“I want to eat with you, Phii. I want to, I want to, I want to! I really want to go with you!” With the seniors, besides teasing them, I sometimes enjoy being whiny. Even though I might seem crazy and silly, I know they really dote on me.
“What is wrong with you, Ai'Khaen? Did you forget to shake the bottle before taking your medicine? Just a while ago, I saw you dancing Sorry Sorry in the middle of the football field.” As soon as the team captain walks in, I immediately get up.
And then...
Splat.
If “splat” describes the sound of an object landing on another, then I am using it correctly here. I walk up behind Phii No, drape my arms over his shoulders, and let my body collapse onto his back like a pudding tipping over in a bowl.
“What is wrong with you again, Pheuak Monkey?” Phii No asks, looking confused.
“Free food.”
“Fine, fine! You really do not forget, do you? I already said I would treat you to grilled pork skewers at the market. If you stop bothering everyone, let’s go eat first, then come back for practice.” Phii No reaches out to ruffle my hair as I rest my chin on his back, looking up at him. (For the record, my captain is over 180 centimeters tall.) Then I raise both hands high.
“Ten skewers.”
Smack!
“Ten skewers, my ass! Do you think the pork skewers at the campus market cost three baht each? Damn it, do you eat or stuff yourself? The moment something is free, you take advantage of me.” I rub my head repeatedly after Phii No smacks me with his fist. I almost dodge it, but not quite. It stings, but I still stand my ground.
“You said you would treat me, Phii No!” I argue back.
"One skewer and that's all you're getting!"
"Wow, what a miser. Didn’t you say you’d treat your juniors, your buddies? Phii Type, Phii Champ, look at your friend! He’s so mean. How is one skewer going to fill anyone up?" I start teasing, and of course, I take several steps back, just in case his long legs decide to kick me. I also turn to the other two seniors, who are laughing at me, to make my case.
"You're the one who eats like there's no tomorrow!"
"Oooh! I’ll go tell everyone in the whole university that the football team captain is a miser!"
"Hey, Ai Khaen, come here and let me kick you!" There it is. I couldn't dodge in time, huh? But no way am I sticking around to get caught. I turn around, shake my behind, and taunt, "If you're tough, come chase me!" before running off like someone who can’t sit still. But instead of chasing me, Phii Techno says:
"Alright, alright, you guys. Let’s go eat instead. I won’t chase you today, but if you don’t let me kick you, don’t even think about getting that one skewer of grilled pork." Phii Techno acts like he holds all the cards, and it makes me stop my shuffling feet, feeling utterly deflated.
"Not like I can join them anyway. That’s why I’m standing here all downhearted," I mutter to myself, thinking the seniors might stick around to mess with me a bit longer. But nope. They wave and walk off, leaving me to poke at the dry grass with my finger. Instead of getting a free grilled pork skewer, now I have to deal with Ai'Tinn. If I don’t go, they'll say I’m avoiding my debt. They corner me every way possible. What a clam-like jerk.
"If I weren’t someone who keeps my word—"
"What would you do, then?" I jump at the voice interrupting my conversation with the leaves and grass. Turning around, I see... Ai Khun-chai, staring at me with a cold expression.
"What’s your deal now? I’m standing here waiting for you, aren’t I? You’re looking at me like I’m a pile of crap." Honestly, I do feel that way. Haven’t seen that look in a while—one where he sees me as nothing more than air or is mad at me. Something like that.
"It’s nothing... sigh."
"What the hell? You see my face and sigh? I've been waiting for you! Otherwise, I'd be having lunch with my seniors by now. You took forever to get here too! My stomach's been growling like crazy. Look at the time—past noon! Do you know how many minutes it's been?" I take this rare opportunity to blame Ai'Tinn for once, after falling for his tricks for so long.
Yet all he says is… "And who said I'm late?"
"Huh? What did you just say?"
"Nothing."
"What's wrong with you, huh? Talking like a flower will fall from your mouth if you speak too much. 'Nothing this, nothing that.' I'm not a mind reader, you know." I go on, but he sighs again, looking more irritated than usual. It makes me wonder—Did I step on his tail or something?
Or was it the video from last night?
I think to myself, recalling the short clip of some beautiful girls swimming. Just when the viewer was enjoying it, bam!—a headless ghost flashed on the screen. Lemon screamed at the top of her lungs and called me a creep for sending her that.
Could Ai'Tinn be afraid?
"Hey, hey, are you scared of ghosts or what?" I lean in, excited at the thought. If he's afraid of ghosts, the next time we go to the movies, I'm definitely picking a horror film!
"Ridiculous."
I guess I should be used to him calling me ridiculous by now. I really want to get to the bottom of this, but my energy levels are running low.
"Fine, fine, I'm ridiculous. Let's go, I'm starving. Let's go eat, alright?" I change the subject immediately, grabbing his arm without thinking. Honestly, if I wait for him to walk with that royal attitude, we'll never get anywhere. So, I start pulling him along.
Grab.
But instead of walking along, he grabs my arm with his other hand.
"What now? I'm starving! You see it's past noon, right? It's packed with people, and my stomach's growling like crazy…"
Smack.
I am rambling on, and guess what? Do you know how Ai'Tinn shuts me up? He kisses my cheek!!!
I can only lift my hand to touch my cheek, completely caught off guard, while he starts to smile—a smug smile that annoys me for some reason.
"Looks like you washed your face today."
"I did." Yeah, and like a total nitwit, I actually answer him. Then Ai'Tinn adds...
"Thought so. Tastes way better than last time."
Huh!?
My mouth falls open slightly. I mean, can someone explain what he's talking about? How does a cheek kiss even have a taste? Did you lick my cheek or something? No, it's not wet? So how could it taste better than before? Seriously, I'm confused.
I scratch my head as Ai'Tinn starts pulling me along this time. Amidst my bafflement, I notice something—Ai'Tinn seems to be in a much better mood now.
Well, whatever. I still need to tell him I have to poop again.
Forget about what happened ten minutes ago!
I tell myself firmly, pushing aside the world-class mystery of whether my cheek has a flavor or not. The real taste is right in front of me. No, not just in front!
"To the right, there's braised pork leg, black pepper chicken, grilled meatballs, fish maw soup..." Then I glance to the left.
"And over here, we have grilled chicken, pork skewers, beef biryani, coconut pancakes, and strawberry smoothies." Then, I look up at the sky.
"This is heaven!!!"
"More like hell."
Boom.
Just like that, my over-the-top enthusiasm comes to a halt as a curt voice rings out, making me turn around.
Yep, hell's right behind me.
I laugh out loud, remembering the time I dragged Ai'Tinn to Paragon. He has the same expression now as when I made him eat at the food court. No, scratch that—his face is ten times more sour, because we're not in an air-conditioned food court. We're in... a flea market.
That's right. After a back-and-forth with this luxury-loving guy who wanted to take me out for a meal at a mall, I argued back. Not only was I broke, but it's Friday! Doesn't he know that on Fridays, the university has a bustling flea market? There's food everywhere—savory, sweet, and though it's not as cheap as outside, there's plenty to choose from. Why go anywhere else?
So I stood my ground: If you won't eat here, we can go our separate ways.
Now Ai'Tinn looks like... well, I can't quite describe it.
"It's hot, crowded, and stinks!"
Yep, his face looks like someone forced him to clean the toilets.
"What's stinky? It smells amazing! Can't you smell the grilled chicken? Ugh, my mouth is watering." I swallow immediately as the enticing aroma hits me, making my stomach grumble.
Ignoring Ai'Tinn, I march straight toward the stall I've been eyeing. Since it's just after noon, the place is packed with people crowding around, so I quickly squeeze through.
"Three pieces of chicken, two skewers, and throw in two drumsticks, Auntie!" I shout to the vendor, stretching my long arms to grab four pork skewers while cutting in front of someone else.
I'm broke, but I've decided not to make Ai'Tinn pay since he's treated me so many times already. It's only fair that I treat him this time, plus I want him to realize that delicious food doesn't have to be eaten in a fancy restaurant.
"Do you want sticky rice, dear?" Auntie asks.
"Yes, two bags, please." I respond, scanning the rest of the stall. I figure this is enough for now—there's always more food to try later.
I turn to pay when— Whoosh.
"Hey, Ai'Tinn, let me pay this time." I quickly slap my hand on my pocket as soon as I see Ai'Tinn hand Auntie a thousand-baht bill.
However he doesn't even bother responding to me.
"Here, take this," he says, speaking to the older lady without any formal language.
I'm seriously considering ditching him. Auntie probably gives him the change quickly out of fear of his cold stare. I drag him away while trying to hand him the money.
"I'll pay you back," I insist, though he's been frowning ever since we stepped into the market.
"No need. Can you hurry up? It's scorching!" I was starting to feel a bit sorry for him, but the moment he snaps at me, I shoot him a glare and... give a devilish grin.
"Alright, alright, I'll hurry up. Follow me, Ai'Kirakorn," I say, spinning around to dive deeper into the market. I glance back just to make sure he's following me, feeling... entertained.
Of course, seeing this dog-mouthed, high-and-mighty guy dripping with sweat, his student shirt soaked through, and wearing an expression like he just stepped in dog poop—well, it's more fun than messing with Phii No! So, naturally, I lead him right into the narrowest, most crowded part of the market. Anywhere there's less foot traffic, I avoid, but where it's packed, I head straight in.
This is hilarious!
I swear, ever since I met Ai'Tinn, I've never seen him so off his game. Normally, he has that face—oh yeah, the I-rule-the-world look. Even when he talks about his past, his face stays tight and emotionless. Now, he's sighing, complaining, and looking so irritated. It's... refreshing.
Finally, he looks somewhat normal.
“Uncle, two fish maw soups. Eating here!” In the end, after walking around the market, buying a big bag of grilled food, steamed fish balls with spicy dipping sauce, crispy fried chicken skin, a large box of coconut pancakes, two pieces of Thai tea-filled bread, and even a rice salad to bring home for my mother, I finish by ordering two bowls of fish maw soup.
Swish!
“You’re only fast when it comes to paying, huh?” It happens again—the guy standing off to the side but glaring at me impatiently steps in quickly and hands over the money.
And why didn’t I pay, you ask? It’s not that I’m taking advantage of him or anything. It’s not even that I couldn’t get my wallet out in time. But after that massive bag of grilled chicken, I’m carrying everything else myself. Meanwhile, Ai’Tinn’s job is just to walk behind me, looking cool and dripping with sweat, while paying for everything.
“Are you done yet?”
“Hmph, I was going to get drinks. Hold this for me—my fingers are numb already.” It’s heavy, you know. I’ve been carrying everything myself! But instead of showing some sympathy...
“Too slow!” He scolds me again.
“Wait here.”
“I’m not some Gucci dog, you know!” Of course I argue. I’m not a dog!
“Wait here!” This time, his tone is firm and sharp, leaving me no choice but to shrug. I half-wonder if his patience will snap and he’ll storm off somewhere far away, but no, that doesn’t happen. He just turns and walks briskly toward the nearby drink stall.
"Am I going too far?" I mutter. Just look at Ai’Tinn’s back... Is that sweat, or did someone splash water on him? It’s so wet you can see through to the undershirt inside, and it clings right to his cool figure.
Wait a minute—did I just say Ai’Tinn looks cool? What? No, no, no! I didn’t think that, did I? No way.
A voice calls out to me, "Wow, Khaen! You say you have no money, but is all that for one meal or what?"
"Oh, hey, P'No!" I turn at the familiar voice and see my beloved senior sipping on a smoothie while eyeing the stuff in my hands. I quickly move everything behind my back.
If he knows I've got money for food, I'll lose my chance to beg for free stuff.
"No, Phii, it's for a friend. He's gone to grab drinks. What about P'Type and the others?" I change the subject, and P'No immediately pulls a face.
"They've all ditched me. Your P'Type is over there." I follow his gaze and spot P'Type towering above the crowd, walking with a familiar face beside him.
"Ohhh, P'Type ditched you for another friend, huh? Feeling left out, P'No?" I tease.
"Who said he's with a friend? …No."
What the hell? Why does everyone around me only answer with "No"? Am I supposed to just magically know what’s going on when that’s all they say? I glance back at Phii Type and immediately recognize the person walking beside him—a senior from the Music Department. I even know they’re close friends and currently living together off-campus. So, what’s the big deal if Phii Type is walking with a friend?
Phii No must be sulking.
"Oops, oops! Phii No is feeling neglected. Fine, I’ll sing you a comforting song... ‘I admit that sometimes I’m a little possessive of you~’" If my hands weren’t full, I’d use them as a pretend mic. Instead, I just sing and pull a mocking face at him.
"‘A person with only one heart is like this, small-hearted... But actually, it’s just concern for you, asking about you all the time...’" I continue singing…
"Have you finished messing with me yet?"
"Wait, wait, Phii! Listen... whoever you're going with, at least tell me, okay, darling~" Oh man, even P'Kwang has to bow to my talent. My charm and charisma are truly unmatched!
I draw out my words to annoy P'No until he gives me that fierce look.
Thud!
"Ow, ow, P'No! Careful or the fish maw soup will spill! If you want to hear more, just say so. Ouch! You don't love me... Ouch! Then you probably don't care... Hahaha! Don't choke me like that, Phii!" I playfully protest while he tightens his grip around my neck, using his fist to ruffle my hair. I can still sing my part, even if it comes out a bit rough.
Of course, P'No and I share one thing in common—we have no sense of embarrassment.
"You want to be faithful to me, huh? Come on, let me mess with you, Pheuak Monkey!!!" The last part comes out in such a fierce tone, but why would I be scared? If it weren't for...
"What are you doing?" A voice even more menacing rings out, causing me to look up, still laughing.
Gulp!
I'm not scared of anyone, but somehow, I find myself swallowing hard when I see Tinn standing there holding two bottles of water.
"Who's that?" Even P'Techno whispers to me, clearly unsettled.
"Um, a friend."
"I feel like I've seen this guy somewhere before," he says, intrigued.
Well, he's right! That's the guy who P'Type once stopped me from punching in the face during soccer practice. How short is his memory? I can only think this to myself, because I'm starting to remove my senior's hand from my neck... It's hard not to realize that if Tinn is staring at my neck for a whole minute, even a fool would know exactly what he's looking at.
"Are you gonna eat? The food's here!"
"Yes! Of course, let's eat! Why wouldn't we? You bought so much!" I respond quickly. Eating is a big deal, after all. However, instead of gently handing me the food, he says…
"Let's go then, quickly! I don't like people who do things slowly."
Wow, what is it that he's angry about?
I can only turn to look at the senior in confusion, realizing that he probably feels more bewildered than I do about being dragged along.
"Then I'm off, P'No. I'll see you at the field this afternoon," I quickly tell P'No and immediately run after Tinn.
I don't know what has gotten into him—has he lost his mind because of the heat? The main reason I chase after him isn't to apologize or find out why he's angry though. It's because...
My grilled chicken is still in his hand!
Perspective - Tinn Metthanun
Why do I have to find him so likable?
I've asked myself this question many times, and each time I get the same answer—a piece of paper that I keep with the image of his crying face whenever I recount my stories. Now though, I need to ask myself again as I follow him awkwardly through the market, overwhelmed by the clashing smells.
I realize I'm someone who bases everything on my own thoughts; I dislike following others. Others should follow me instead. Yet, I easily give in to Khaen when he insists we must eat at the market.
If it were anyone else, I would let them go into the market while I wait somewhere else. However, because it's him, I agree to follow him inside the bustling market, where it's hot, crowded, chaotic, and loud, with mixed smells. There aren't even any tables to sit and eat. The worst part is... Khaen has no idea I'm annoyed about anything.
I see it from the moment he hugs the back of his teammates, but I tell myself that the person I like is him. He doesn't even realize what he's doing. What's so strange about him hugging someone like that; he's simply trying to be cute with a senior?
Yes, I feel irritated knowing that he would never show this kind of affection toward me.
I become even more annoyed when I walk to buy a drink and return to find that Ai'Khaen is being hugged by the same guy. He is singing love songs loudly throughout the market, causing many people around me to turn and look. I even hear women whispering...
"Are they dating or what?"
I end up walking away, not wanting to say anything harsh that would make Khaen hate me more.
Yes, why do I have to like a clueless person like him who doesn't even realize what I'm angry about?
Do I still not make it clear enough that I like him? Someone like me who easily follows him around!
"Ai'Tinn! Ai'Tinn! Wait a minute! Where are you rushing off to, following a buffalo?" I roll my eyes, but I don't stop walking, because there are still too many people here for me to turn around and talk to him nicely.
"Ai'Tinn! Ai'Tinn! I'm carrying a lot, you know? The fish stomach is about to spill!"
Let it spill then, I think. I still don't stop walking, because I know he won't slow down either. He keeps shouting all the way, not caring who turns to look.
Swoosh!
In the end, he can't stand it anymore because he quickly steps in my way, looking at me with annoyed eyes that make me feel irritated.
"Here, take it! If we're going to share the food, we have to share the load. It's not fair if you let me carry everything alone!"
Okay, I might be a bit mistaken thinking that he would be annoyed with my behavior toward him because, in reality, he is annoyed that I'm not helping him carry his stuff, forcing him to shove several items into my hands. Once we manage to balance the load between us, he... smiles.
"This is how it should be! Come together, eat together, and help carry things. I'll pay you back later."
Strange... It's too strange.
It's not just him who is odd for being in such a good mood over something so trivial. I find it equally strange that I feel less irritated seeing his wide smile, almost closing his eyes.
"Then why did you walk away from me? Hey, I'm sorry. I played around with you a bit too much. I mean, seeing you sweating like that was funny. Okay, okay, I'm sorry for messing with you too much, Khun Tinn. But you didn't have to get mad at me. You could have just told me nicely. By the way, do you have a handkerchief?" He still doesn't understand what I'm angry about and asks for my handkerchief, which makes me sigh.
"Don't you have one? Hey, I don't carry..."
"It's in my pants pocket," I interject before he rambles on. He smiles brightly, digs into my pocket without permission, and if it were anyone else, I would probably give them a scowl. Yet with him rummaging through, I can only stand there quietly.
"Here, let me make it up to you. Let this servant wipe your face for you," he says playfully, holding all the food in one hand—how he manages that, I don't know—while using the other hand to wipe my face.
"Cheer up a bit! You have all this delicious food. Oh, or are you just hungry and angry? You didn't tell me. I have a recommendation for you. There's a nice breeze, and I guarantee you'll want to... well, you're sweating a lot too," he rambles, but he continues wiping my face, and surprisingly, I start to feel calmer.
When he lowers his hand, still smiling widely at me... I don't even realize that I'm smiling back at him.
"Now you're in a good mood. Stay cheerful with me; I like happy people."
"Including that guy?" I blurt out immediately.
Anyone else would probably catch on by now, but for Khaen-ta-lup... not at all.
"Oh, you mean P'No? Yes, yes, P'No is a happy person, even though he likes to act annoyed with me. But I know, you know, that P'No really cares about me. He calls me 'Pheuak Monkey,' but he spoils me. That's why I like to mess with him. I'm thinking of going to practice dancing to annoy him in the middle of the football field again. When P'No yells, it's hilarious!"
I roll my eyes back and forth. Is it really appropriate to talk about another guy in front of the one who says he likes me?
"I like you," I say.
Thud.
I repeat it again, and he freezes, stepping back another pace.
"I... I get it now," he mumbles.
"You really don't realize?" I ask, unable to believe there could be someone so clueless. He looks up at me, tilting his head.
"What the hell do you mean by that? Don't leave gaps for me to think on my own! Just say it directly! Why are you being so evasive?"
I sigh heavily again, but admitting it outright is definitely not me. "It's nothing."
"Again? It's nothing again? Wow, I really don't like that phrase of yours."
"I'm trying to win you over."
"I... I know! How many times do I have to tell you? I already said to go ahead and court me, but I still don't know if I'm okay with you yet."
I narrow my eyes slightly, then change the subject. "You want me to be in a good mood, right?"
"Yes!"
"Then kiss me."
"What!!!" As soon as I finish speaking, he stands there with his mouth agape, looking at me in disbelief, wanting me to confirm.
"Kiss," he mumbles under his breath, then he starts to complain.
"Here we go again, with the kissing and hugging. Last time it was a kiss for an iPhone, before that it was a kiss for a snack, and at noon, you got another one. Now you want another kiss? Are you some kind of kiss demon or something? ... Okay, okay, if I kiss you, you won't make a face at me like that, right?" He grumbles so much, but in the end, he asks me for confirmation, and I nod.
“You’re so demanding. Fine, whatever. How many times have we kissed already? This won’t taint my lips any more than they already are.” He says this and then glances left and right, ensuring no one is around...
Smack.
“Happy now?”
“That’s not a kiss.” For me, this quick lip-to-lip touch, like a snake’s bite, isn’t a kiss.
He insists otherwise though. “This is what a kiss is for me. Haven’t you ever watched movies? Lips touching lips—that’s called a kiss! Now, let’s go. I’m starving.”
This time, he turns on his heel and starts walking ahead. I might have sighed in exhaustion if it weren’t for catching the faint redness on his pale cheeks, something that clearly isn’t caused by the sun.
This much should probably satisfy me, shouldn’t it? I think to myself.
I know full well that Ai’Khaen isn’t the brightest, but even I didn’t expect him to be so oblivious to why he so easily agreed to kiss someone he claims he’s “not sure is okay” yet. Because I’m certain—he’s fine with me. He just doesn’t realize it yet.
Someone like him would never kiss someone he feels nothing for. So, before I can teach him how jealous I can get, I’ll have to get him to admit what I mean to him first.
Why did I have to fall for someone whose brain hasn’t caught up to his body?
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