Years passed, and Tul Metthanun became known as a highly successful businessman, garnering attention both in business circles and social circles.
With his success, many young and older women, uninterested in moral standards, eagerly offered themselves as his lovers. However, the young man rejected them indifferently, earning a reputation for being a family man above all else.
Whenever asked about his personal life, Tul would always say that everything he did was for his wife and son.
Napawadi became the beautiful woman who everyone envied.
“Dad!”
Today was no different.
Now, their son had started kindergarten, and it was normal for Wadi to be the one to pick him up. But today was different, for as soon as she led the young boy out of the school building, a large European car was already parked waiting. And the person standing by the car wasn’t anyone else—it was the father of the boy, Phupha.
The moment Phupha, now a little over three years old, saw his father, he rushed toward him in joy. Tul quickly scooped him up into his arms, pressing his nose to his chubby cheek in affection.
“Did Father come to pick up little Phu?” Phupha asked excitedly.
“Yes, today Dad finished work early, so I stopped by to pick up little Phu so we can have dinner before heading home.”
“Oooo!” Phupha nodded quickly, hugging his father tightly and resting his face against his father’s shoulder, looking happy that his dad had come to pick him up.
“Is Phii Tul free today?” Wadi asked, stepping in with her usual sweet smile.
“Yeah, today I don’t have to go to the company. Wadi, do you want to eat anything?” Tul asked his beautiful wife, trying to please her, while letting their son play with his hair, which was styled just like his own, without saying anything.
“No, it’s fine, Phu... I will eat anything. Let Phu choose,” Wadi said, holding Phupha’s hand tightly, giving a mild reprimand, but the mischievous boy refused to listen, shaking off his mother’s grip. He then hugged his father tightly, knowing his dad would spoil him.
“Yessss, let Phu choose.”
“Then, was little Phu a good boy today?” Tul turned to ask the mischievous boy, who nodded confidently.
“Uh-huh!”
“Really? Because the teacher just told me that Phupha was acting up and bullying another kid. I’m going to have to discipline you,” Wadi said, worried.
She couldn’t understand why her son liked acting this way. She didn’t have that kind of temperament, and neither did his father. Phii Tul was so kind-hearted. She didn’t understand why Phupha liked acting mean to other children.
Hearing that, Tul’s smile faded, and he turned to look at their son, whose smile slowly faded too, clearly afraid of getting scolded by his father.
“Phu was bullying his friend?”
“Phu didn’t bully anyone. Khun Yaa said that even if Phu bullies someone, no one will say anything because Dad is the richest.”
The couple exchanged looks and sighed quietly.
The root cause... How about Rasa?
If you ask who spoils Phupha the most in the house, it’s hard to say because his father gives him everything, his mother showers him with love, and both the grandparents dote on him even more.
If you have to decide who encourages the worst behavior in him though, it would definitely be his grandmother.
“Tomorrow, Phu has to apologize to all the friends he bullied.”
“Hoo, no! I won’t apologize!” Phupha struggled, resisting stubbornly.
“If you keep being naughty, I will get mad.” Phu's father warned.
“Ugh!” The boy pouted, making a face like he was about to cry, hugging his father even tighter.
“Don’t be mad at me, Dad. Don’t get mad at me, I’ll be a good boy!” Phupha buried his face and sobbed, his greatest fear being that his father would be angry.
It wasn’t that Phu was scared of his father shouting at him, but when his father ignored him, that made him the saddest. That’s why Phupha didn’t want his father to be mad at him.
The sight was so endearing that Tul smiled broadly and affectionately ruffled the boy's hair.
“Then promise Dad that tomorrow you’ll go apologize to your friends.”
Sniff.
As soon as Tul gave the order, Phupha nodded obediently, causing Wadi to sigh and give the mischievous boy a weary yet affectionate look.
“Only when it’s like this, you act like a good boy.”
“I'm always a good boy for Dad!” The boy beamed, his tears stopping as if a faucet had been turned off. He continued to act like a little kitten, clinging to his father, looking happier than ever.
Every day was better because today, his father came to pick him up and even took him to dinner. Oh, and he didn’t have to see Khun Yaa either.
This thought made the boy even more cheerful.
“Then, Dad will let Phu choose what he wants to eat.”
“Yay!”
~~~
The picture of a happy family was one that made everyone envious, in contrast to Wadi, who looked at her husband with eyes full of... sorrow.
“Phu asleep already?”
“Yes, he’s out like a light. Looks like he played until he was tired.”
Tul looked away from his work, turned to look at his wife stepping up behind him, and then glanced toward the bedroom next door where the mischievous little boy had snuck into their bed. He then turned back to smile at Wadi.
“Then Wadi, go sleep with Phu. I’ll be here a while longer.”
“P'Tul?”
“Yes?” Tul gave her a gentle smile, as he always did.
The woman hesitated for a moment, then moved closer to gently squeeze her husband’s shoulder affectionately.
“P'Tul, tonight...” Wadi started, but then fell silent, and the person listening slowly stopped smiling.
“Phu is sleeping with us, you know.”
“But we haven’t slept together in a long time,” the woman said, her words tight with unspoken frustration. Truthfully, “a long time” didn’t even begin to describe it. It wasn’t that he didn’t use his hands or mouth to satisfy her, but full lovemaking had not happened since the first time.
Yes, they had only been intimate once in the past four years.
Wadi had tried to console herself, thinking that he was just being careful with her, but one year passed, then two, and she found herself sinking into despair. Despite Tul taking great care of her in every other way—being a good husband, a good father, and a good leader—he never made her feel like a woman.
Wadi had even been so anxious that she secretly hired a private investigator to see if he had another woman. The answer she received left her both relieved and confused.
P'Tul had never strayed from their relationship. He came and went from work and spent all evening with Phu. Wadi had no idea where to point a finger of blame.
She didn’t understand what she was doing wrong. Why didn’t he touch her? And as time passed, her love for him seemed to wane, each day pulling them further apart. Now, she could no longer be sure of anything. She didn’t feel she could smile when others said she was the most enviable woman because she was the woman who couldn’t capture her husband's affection.
“I’m sorry, Wadi. But I’m really tired from work. I’m sorry.”
Once again, he used work as an excuse, and Wadi forced a smile.
“It’s okay. You keep working, P'Tul. I’ll go sleep with Phu.”
“Sweet dreams,” Tul said with a smile, and Wadi forced herself to return it as she went to the bedroom to be with her son.
But...
"Wadi."
"Yes?" She turned back with full hope, only for it to fade away as it always did.
"When are you taking Phu to France?"
"After Phu's second term break," she replied.
"Okay, I'll clear my schedule to see you off that day." Tul said with a warm smile.
"Sweet dreams."
That was the extent of their conversation. Everything always revolved around Phu, and this left Wadi feeling neglected. She could only walk to her son, soundly sleeping on the bed, asking herself the same question she had asked hundreds of times before.
If it weren't for Phu, would P'Tul pay any attention to me?
The question made her eyes well up with tears, which she quickly wiped away.
Even though she was sad, she couldn’t tell anyone. So when her close friend announced her engagement to her Parisian fiancé, Wadi accepted the invitation immediately. She wanted to go somewhere far away, anywhere that wouldn't make her feel like the neglected wife who was overlooked by her husband.
Maybe even the stone that P'Tul liked to play with mattered more than she did.
That night, Wadi fell asleep with tears in her eyes once again.
~~~
"Now, Khun Tinn is following this boy."
Inside the office of the eldest heir, Tul received a photo of a very fair-skinned young man in a pair of shorts and a sports shirt, smiling broadly without fear of losing his handsomeness. He then slid to the next photo, which showed the same young man kissing with his own biological brother, with a gaze that was unreadable.
"A man?"
"Yes, his name is Kirakorn, 18 years old, a first-year student in the Faculty of Sports Science at the same university as Khun Tinn. What would you like me to do next, Khun Tul?" The other asked respectfully.
"Just get his Line ID. I’m curious to know about my brother’s romantic partner."
Tul tossed the photos onto the table and said jokingly while waving his hand to dismiss the other person, who quickly withdrew from the room.
Once alone, Tul tapped his fingers on the table as if deep in thought.
Tinn had struggled and fought to return to Thailand half a year ago. Now, his brother was no longer the person Tul knew. From a boy who only listened to his older brother, he had become a person at odds with the world who trusted no one. The gaze that looked directly at him was filled with deep emotion, a look in which Tul saw his own image reflected.
He had looked at his grandmother with such eyes, and now Tinn looked at him the same way.
The two brothers being back in the same house might create a gloomy atmosphere, but because Tul had built a new house, identical to the old one, on the same grounds, the Metthanun residence was now called the twin mansion.
This way, he would not have to live under the same roof as his stepmother. Moreover, since he avoided everyone in the house, Tul and Tinn didn’t see each other much.
However, not seeing each other didn’t mean that Tul wasn’t keeping a close watch on his younger brother’s life.
If asked whether he wanted to destroy this boy again, Tul’s resentment had faded along with the day he lost his heart.
Kon Hin had never wanted him to harm his younger brother, but Tul could no longer restore their relationship to what it once was.
The years that had passed taught Tul that karma truly existed, and it struck him every single day. Thus, he himself had no thought of crushing his younger brother to death with his own hands.
If he had intended to do so, he would have driven the point home from the day he himself had lost everything and gone mad telling Tinn all.
So, when he mocked his younger brother, sometimes it was simply to act according to what Tinn wanted to see, to give Tinn a goal of defeating him. So Tul assured himself.
What Tul was curious about now was what this young man had that made his younger brother interested.
"Kon Hin, it seems everyone is happy now... except for me."
Because I no longer have you.
Tul smiled bitterly and put all the photographs into a drawer. He picked up the same small stone he had rubbed and caressed until it had shrunk, holding it in the same way. He leaned back in his chair. He had no idea how many more years he would have to atone for this, perhaps... forever.
"I miss you."
I miss you with every breath.
~~~
Going to her friend’s wedding in France had changed the world that had been filled only with Wadi’s gloom, bringing it back to life. She never expected to meet someone who would make her dead heart start beating again. Even though, during the month they were there, he had been attentive to both her and her child, Phupha had clearly shown resistance to the other party.
She admitted that she was anxious, because her husband was waiting for her back in Thailand, but he said he would wait.
Wait for the day when she was no longer bound by any ties.
In the short time that Napawadi had felt like a woman again, not just the mother of a child, she had been herself. She had been able to smile and laugh from the heart, and that made her decide to return to her husband and say one sentence.
"I want a divorce, P'Tul."
She expected to see his shock, at the very least hoping he would try to stop her, to pull her back into place. But it was not...
"Alright. Tomorrow, I will have a lawyer come in to discuss the custody of our child and the property you should get from the divorce."
At that moment, Napawadi realized she had never been the one in his heart.
Although she was the one who had asked for the divorce, the woman ended up being the one who shed tears. She raised her hands to cover her face and cried out with all her might.
Yes, he came to hug her, pulled her in to comfort her as he had done many times before, but it only made Wadi's heart feel colder.
Especially when he whispered with a tired and discouraged voice: "Thank you, Wadi."
He had wanted freedom for a long time, only waiting for her to speak first.
"H-hey... you’re a terrible person... terrible... the worst."
"Yes, I am a terrible person, Wadi. I am not fit for someone as good as you. Thank you for all the years. Thank you for being the mother of my son, whom I love with all my heart."
Yes, Wadi thought. He loved Phupha, but Tul had never loved her.
This is the truth that Napawadi came to know that day. She cried and cried, in the embrace of the person she had once loved the most. She wanted to hit him, wanted to curse him, but just by looking into his eyes, it was strange that Wadi saw sorrow a thousand times greater than hers, but it wasn’t because she asked for a divorce. He was sad because of someone else.
Someone who had been in his heart for a long time, only that for these past years, she had pretended not to see.
That stone, always by his side.
The thought that made the young woman break down in utter frustration.
Even though the couple had agreed on the divorce without any ensuing bitterness, that didn’t mean they could do it immediately, because they needed to inform and gain the understanding of the elders, especially her mother, who was staunchly against it.
Her mother tried to comfort her daughter, saying that any problems could be solved slowly, otherwise, it would become a family embarrassment—getting married and then divorced before long.
So Napawadi continued to play the role of a happy family with Tul, even though she had opened her heart to the Frenchman and had plans to fly to him as soon as the divorce was finalized.
But Tul hadn’t finished with the matter.
He still had one last thing he intended to do to his brother.
Learning what kind of person ‘Khaen,’ his younger brother’s boyfriend was, and after knowing that on the day Tinn feared Khaen would disappear that boy still trusted his younger brother beyond rational thought, made Tul send a video of a man who resembled Tinn with a woman to the boy. Then, as karma dictated, Khaen stormed into the house and punched him twice.
Khaen went on a rampage until no one in the house could control him, and Khaen then spoke with his father. The father who had always seemed indifferent to Tul, in truth not knowing what to do with his two sons.
The father who even though he had an exceptional business mind, at home, he was just an old man who was helpless against an open child like Khaen, completely defeated. Tul could only remain silent as Khaen recounted Tul’s missdeads, which he had heard from Tinn.
Tul didn’t care if his father removed him from the company or kicked him out of the house. He was no longer a seven-year-old boy who couldn’t fend for himself.
He chose to be the villain so that Tinn would have the chance to talk to their father.
He wanted to cancel the karma he had accumulated from his actions toward his younger brother all this time.
Tinn needed to know that the one who was born amidst the joy of everyone was Tinn, not him. But he was the one who made Tinn believe that he was unloved by anyone.
In truth, the one who should have been the happiest was this younger brother of his.
Tul told himself these things.
Tul acted cruelly in front of his younger brother, speaking mockingly, waiting for the time when Tinn would take pleasure in his failure to divorce Wadi. He waited for the sound of pity that, in the end, would show that father loved Tinn more than anyone else, giving Tinn more freedom than anyone else.
However Tul was left stunned when he saw Tinn was unlike him. That he seemed calmer with Khaen by his side than Tul had expected.
This might have been the first time in many years that they, the two brothers, looked each other in the eye and spoke directly. Then Tul realized that his younger brother understood what he was doing. Tinn knew that if he wanted to crush him into the dirt, he wouldn’t have just sent that meaningless clip to Khaen. Tinn looked him in the eye and asked him directly, and Tul, in turn, gave his younger brother the first lesson in many years.
“Take good care of your person. Don’t fail... like your brother.”
He spoke these words from the heart, looking at the person standing beside his younger brother.
Don’t fail and let the one you love slip away.
Tul only said that and left before Tinn could see the regret that he had carried all these years. It wasn’t in vain that he had raised Tinn for so many years. Tul knew that Tinn understood something, and Tinn had realized that the one who was seen as successful in life was actually the man who had nothing left.
Tul stood in front of his brother, deserving his pity just like he had done before, but Tinn was not him. That child was born with the blessing of happiness. That child could not hold grudges, could not take revenge, could not harm anyone. Especially when there was someone who loved him by his side.
Tinn became the happiest man.
~~~
I don't know whether Tinn standing and cursing me will be better or not, but if it makes my younger brother feel at ease, I think I will accept it. At the very least, the sins I have committed might be reduced. There might be a day when I find the heart that was lost years ago.
Now, I have allowed Wadi to have freedom.
I have made it possible for my younger brother to speak with our father after many years.
I have done everything to ensure that Phupha has everything I lacked in childhood.
I have done everything I can.
“This is what you wanted, right?”
Tul collapsed into a sitting position on the bed, looking at the smooth stone in his hand with teary eyes, then raised it to his forehead, whispering to the one who was not there.
“I’ve let go of the grudge, Kon Hin. I’ve tried to fix everything. I’ve done everything you told me to do.”
But why haven’t you come back?
“You lied.”
You said that when I had no one left, you would still be there.
Why, when I had no one left, was Kon Hin not by my side?
"I was born with suffering, weren't I? I'm the only one cursed to be without happiness, right?" Tul wanted to ask the heavens why he had to be born like this—born as a child that no one wanted, born as a child cursed and cast aside. All he could do was watch those around him find happiness, one by one, while he could never escape this hell.
In his almost thirty years of life, he might have had happiness for only three days and two nights, when he was alone with it.
These precious memories kept his heart nourished, giving Tul the strength to breathe each day.
~~~
"Father."
Suddenly, Tul quickly wiped away his tears when he heard the small voice of his little son opening the door, looking concerned. The boy rushed in as soon as he saw his father in tears.
Pat!
"Does it hurt, Father? Does it hurt? I'll go hit P'Khaen. I'll go hit him. He hit you, Dad." The little boy started to pout and cry, and Tul picked him up to sit him on his lap, letting the small hands gently caress the wound on his cheek, afraid his Dad might be hurt.
"Little Phu will be angry with P'Khaen. Sniff"
"Phu, don't go hit P'Khaen. This is Dad's fault."
"No, Father! Phu's father is a good person. Phu's father is not wrong!" The boy stubbornly disagreed, hugging his father tightly and sobbing on his shoulder.
"Little Phu will be angry with P’Khaen. Will be angry with Ai Tinn. Will be angry with everyone who made Father hurt. Angry, then bang, then boohoo."
Tul could only sit there stunned, but after a moment, he held the little boy tightly, resting his face on his son's soft head, letting the tears fall, dripping onto the light brown hair, one drop after another. He whispered, his voice trembling:
"Little Phu, don't leave me, okay?"
"No, Little Phu won't go. Little Phu will stay with Father."
Tul sobbed in his chest, looking down at the hand still tightly holding onto that stone.
"Father loves you, Little Phu."
"Little Phu loves Father too."
The young man squeezed the stone until it hurt, slowly closing his eyes.
That’s right. I still have to atone for this son. I will endure, even if you’re not here.
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