"Happy fifth birthday, Nong Phu."
"Yay, Nong Phu is five now!"
Time passed for more than a year. Tul had divorced Wadi last year, and the young woman moved to France with her new boyfriend. Both of them flew back to join the celebration of the five-year-old boy Phupha’s birthday, making the little boy smile more brightly than usual. One hand held his father’s arm, while the other held his mother’s arm, completely ignoring his new stepfather.
Tul’s expression sent an apologetic smile to both Wadi and that man.
"Mom is going to come back and live with Nong Phu, right? Right?"
As time went by, Phupha became more and more like Tul—not just in appearance, but also in the way his eyes would plead when asking for something, which always made Napawadi’s heart soften. However, this time, she felt uncomfortable and could only look for help, which came when Tul stepped forward, lifted his son up, and placed him on his shoulders, causing Phupha to shout loudly.
Then he laughed with delight.
"Come here, you little mischief maker. If Nong Phu doesn’t start eating the cake, how will his friends dare to eat?" Tul said to his son with laughter, then threw the little chubby one into the middle of a group of kindergarten friends invited to the party. He then turned back to his ex-wife, who wore a pale, troubled expression.
"Don’t worry, Nong Phu is fine."
Tul did not say everything, but over time his son had become just as spoiled as little Tinn had been. Due to the fact that he himself was busy with work, the person Phupha was often with was Rasa. His stepmother did not hesitate to raise her grandson to grow up with bad manners.
Fortunately, during this period, Tinn often brought Khaen to the house, and somehow, that young man had become the one to teach Phupha.
In any case, whenever Khaen couldn't tolerate the spoiled child, Khaen would discipline him without caring about the father or the volunteer-grandmother one bit. As a result, his son’s behavior improved a little, especially when Khaen was around, like right now...
“Wow, don’t steal from me, you little monkeys! Stay still, I’ll divide the cake for you.” Khaen, who was surrounded by a group of boys and girls, shouted loudly, with Tinn watching nearby.
He was greeted with boos as Khaen served each child a small piece of cake, while he took the rest for himself.
All of it.
“P’Khaen is so greedy.” Phu protested.
“Say that properly, you mischievous little brat.”
How did his younger sibling find a Mia with such a child's behavior?
“Phupha is fine, but what about you, Tul?” Wadi asked, unable to resist.
Over a year of being apart had turned her love for him into merely goodwill. At the very least, during their time as husband and wife, he had always shown her respect and took care of her well.
“Me? Well, it’s just fine, I guess.”
Wadi looked into his eyes and couldn’t help but ask, “Is that stone still with you?”
Tul furrowed his brows but then pulled out the stone he always carried, holding it up for the woman to see its smooth, round surface. This was because Tul had been constantly rubbing and holding it in his hand for six years.
"Why don't you go back to the owner of that stone?"
Gasp!
Then Tul paused, looking at his ex-wife in disbelief, while Napawadi smiled at him, speaking with a sincere tone.
"Phii Tul should reclaim his own happiness."
"I don’t have that right," Tul shook his head, admitting directly, beginning to absentmindedly spin the stone in his hand.
"He made me promise not to look for him."
"That was when things were still good though, when I was in the role of being your wife. Now though, you have no one anymore."
Tul looked back, wondering how much the other person knew, and that made Wadi chuckle softly.
"Don't underestimate a woman's instincts. Even though when I first met Phii Tul, I was a bit lost. These past few years though, I've sharpened them well," the once-innocent woman said with a charming smile, then cast her gaze toward the big, golden-haired man on the other side of the room.
"I've learned what real happiness is, and I wish for Phii Tul to have happiness too."
The man on the other side turned to meet the woman's gaze, and as their eyes met, Wadi smiled sweetly.
"I'll excuse myself now. At least I have to make Nong Phu agree to give his new father a phanom wai before returning to France." The woman stood up, walked over to her boyfriend, tilted her cheek for him to kiss the tip of her nose, a gesture so clearly showing their happiness, and that made Tul turn to reflect on himself.
No, he was looking at the stone in his hand instead.
It’s not that he didn’t want to be happy, but his happiness turned its back on him instead.
"I want to see you, but I’ve already promised."
Tul believed that if he really searched, why wouldn’t he be able to find the stone? But because of the promise made on the day of their separation, he was bound by it, forcing him to stay in this hell forever, continually atoning for what he did.
A thought that made Tul bring the stone to his lips with both love and torment.
It was this pathetic image of his older brother that Tinn looked at with unreadable eyes.
Tinn did not know what he was more captivated by: the self-pitying smile of the older brother whom he once respected and idolized, or because of the wrongdoings he himself once committed in the past.
~~~
"If you want to study this business, I want you to try reading the case study of Tul's from back when he was in his fourth year of study. He had already succeeded in a similar business before."
Inside Trai's office, Tinn opened his tablet to check his email and saw the email that Father had sent along with the documents. He nodded slowly. Even though he didn’t want to follow in his older brother’s footsteps, Tinn couldn’t deny that his brother was so skilled that it was hard to match him.
After getting what he wanted, Tinn stood up.
But before stepping out of the room...
"Do you know where he is, Dad?" Tinn accidentally asked something that had been on his mind.
Over the past two years, Tinn had had the opportunity to reconcile with his father thanks to Khaen, so he talked with his Father more. However, he had never asked about anything irrelevant, and this question that slipped out made the youngest son shake his head slowly.
"Never mind."
"Next week, you’ll be heading to England to observe the project, right?" Trai replied without addressing the question, and Tinn nodded.
"Yes, for two weeks."
"Then take this." The owner of the room slid a piece of paper onto the desk in front of his son, offering a faint smile.
"I’ve always known you to be a good child... Your brother has suffered enough."
The smile on his father’s face reflected the times when both Tul and Tinn suffered, but their father bore an even greater pain. Now that the younger son had found his path to happiness, only the older son remained—having endured a punishment far exceeding what was due.
Trai had always wanted to help his son, but being who he was, a man unsure of how to begin, he was left in limbo. Thus, the moment Tinn asked the question, it felt as though a weight had been lifted off his chest.
He had promised that child not to search for him, but Tinn was not bound by that promise.
"I didn’t say I’d go to this address," Tinn said, but he accepted the piece of paper, placing it in his bag before continuing in a steady voice.
"Even if I go, it won’t be because of anyone else but because I owe him."
With that, Tinn strode out of the room.
When Trai was left alone, the father of the two brothers ran a hand forcefully over his face.
He could only hope that this cloud of despair would finally lift from the Metthanun household... He hoped with all his heart.
~~~
The address Tinn received from his father led him to the outskirts of York, England.
It was a small brick-red house that blended seamlessly with the others around it. The young man looked down at the house number before walking confidently to the front door and knocking.
Then he waited.
Creaaak.
Before long, the front door swung open, revealing a welcoming face that left Tinn momentarily stunned. He had expected to see someone familiar, not a beautiful, long-haired woman with jet-black hair who was unmistakably Asian.
Tinn stared at her, and she returned the gaze, equally perplexed.
"Who is it, Rose?" A deep voice called out from within the house, making Tinn freeze. It was in Thai.
"I’m not sure, P’Hin," the woman shouted back.
"What the—"
"Are you living with Hin?" Tinn interrupted her before she could finish her question, causing her eyes to widen.
No Thai person here knew P’Hin, so Rose quickly attempted to shut the door. But Tinn slammed his hand against it in time, his sharp eyes glinting.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Then let go, damn it!" Rose snapped back, pushing with all her might, though she stood no chance against the strength of the tall, broad-shouldered man.
The commotion prompted someone in the kitchen to rush out to see what was happening.
"What’s going on here?" Kon Hin abandoned whatever he was doing and darted toward the younger woman grappling with the strange man at the door, his fist clenched, ready to strike the intruder who had barged into his home. But...
"Hin?"
"Khun Tinn!"
The moment his name was spoken, Kon Hin dropped his hands to his sides, his eyes widening as he stared at the strikingly handsome man before him. It was odd how Tinn seemed so different from the willful child he once knew, yet Kon Hin recognized him instantly. He stood frozen in place, overwhelmed.
"Who is this, P'Hin?" Rose's voice snapped him back to reality, and he managed to move.
"How did you find this place, Khun?"
Even though Kon Hin was utterly shocked to encounter his former master after six years, his nearly twenty years of service at the Metthanun household compelled him to speak respectfully, despite the urge to retreat into his room and vanish.
At the sight of Tinn, thoughts of the younger man's older brother surged in Kon Hin's mind.
How is Khun Tul?
The question lodged painfully in his throat, nearly spilling out. Yet Hin swallowed it down, knowing that hearing about him would only stir his heart and take him back to a place where he no longer belonged.
Forcing a shaky smile, Kon Hin tried to steady his trembling hands. Yet Tinn, instead of responding to the smile, directed his gaze sharply at the beautiful woman standing beside him.
"Who is this woman?"
"Before you ask who someone else is, you should introduce yourself first," Rose retorted angrily, but Tinn ignored her.
"So, who is she?"
"I'm his romantic partner!" Rose snapped in irritation, grabbing Kon Hin's arm dramatically. That prompted Tinn to raise an eyebrow before nodding slightly.
"Well then, that's good. You've gotten smarter."
Tinn stepped back from the door as though his business was already concluded. This prompted Kon Hin to hurriedly release Rose’s arm, giving her a warning glance before turning back to meet his former master's gaze.
"She’s my junior. We only share this house," Hin explained.
"Is that so? What a pity." Tinn sighed but eventually stepped inside when Kon Hin opened the door wider, gesturing for him to enter.
Kon Hin’s rented home wasn’t large. As soon as one walked in, there was a combined living and dining room, seamlessly connected to a small open kitchen. On the stove, something was simmering in a pot, and the rear window was open, revealing a well-tended garden. Nearby was a bathroom, and next to it, stairs leading to the second floor.
"Nice place," Tinn remarked.
Kon Hin couldn’t bring himself to smile despite the compliment. He was still trying to decipher why this person had shown up at his front door.
"How did you know I live here, Khun Tinn?" Hin asked hesitantly.
"Father." Tinn’s single-word response made Kon Hin lower his gaze, tears brimming as he tried to conceal them.
Though Khun Trai had never reached out to him as per his request, he had clearly continued to care. It stirred a longing to express his gratitude one day, though he wasn’t sure if that day would ever come.
Tinn’s eyes shifted to Rose, his expression making it clear he found her presence bothersome. Kon Hin followed his gaze before turning back to her.
"I would like to speak with Khun Tinn alone, okay?" Hin said.
"But..."
"I am fine." Hin assured Rose.
"Alright then, but if you make P'Hin cry, just you wait and see." Rose couldn’t stand this brat. Sure, he was handsome, but something about the atmosphere around him reminded her of another man. With that, she took long strides up to the second floor, leaving the two of them alone.
"If you've found someone new, then it’s over." Tinn spoke slowly, his words prompting a faint smile from Kon Hin. He didn’t respond or deny it, knowing full well that his heart would never love anyone else again.
Tinn’s steady gaze lingered before shifting briefly to Kon Hin’s brow.
"I came to apologize."
"Sorry?" Kon Hin asked, surprised.
"For making your head split open back then," Tinn replied evenly. Kon Hin reflexively raised his hand to touch the scar, which had faded to the point of near invisibility, his astonishment evident.
"And to thank you for believing in me."
Kon Hin sat silent for several long moments before his lips curled into a broad smile. He began piecing everything together. For Tinn to know where he lived, Khun Trai must have reconnected with his son. No matter how little or much they had spoken, it had led Tinn to him. And now, here Tinn was—apologizing and expressing gratitude.
That little boy had learned to say such things.
"Khun Tinn has always been a good child," Kon Hin said with genuine warmth.
The 27-year-old man smiled sincerely, and Tinn froze for several moments before slowly shaking his head.
"You all say the same thing.” Tinn said as he stood to his full height. “I'm a better person because of my romantic partner, not because I was good to begin with.”
"That's all I came to say. I'm leaving now." Tinn finished.
"Excuse me?" Kon Hin repeated, quickly standing up as well.
He hadn’t expected the Khun-chai to come all the way here just to say this.
When Tinn reached the door, his even voice carried back. "Oh, there’s one more thing I need to tell you."
"What is it?" Kon Hin asked softly.
The taller man turned to meet his gaze. "My brother has been divorced for over a year now."
The words struck Kon Hin like a heavy blow.
"That’s it. The rest is for you to decide," Tinn said as he stepped out the door.
It took Kon Hin a moment to regain his composure. He was surprised he still remembered how to open the door, given how his mind had been shattered since the word "divorced." Then, he dashed after Tinn, who was heading toward a rental car.
"Khun Tinn, why did you come to tell me this?" Kon Hin asked, his voice anxious.
Tinn turned to meet his eyes and smiled.
"To prove that I am not like him. No matter how much he hurt me, I will never be like him. I will never find joy in someone else's suffering," Tinn replied before stepping into the car.
But before leaving, he rolled down the window and added firmly. "If you’re smart, don’t go back."
After that, Tinn drove away, leaving behind Kon Hin, who almost collapsed where he stood.
"P’Hin, are you okay?"
After Tinn left, Kon Hin sat motionless like a wooden log, staring blankly at an old pen with its engraving faded by time. Rose had to move closer, kneeling beside him and placing her hand on his lap with eyes full of deep pity.
She had eavesdropped on everything from the staircase landing, so she understood why that man had come.
P'Tul is divorced.
Rose sighed, though not because she still loved the man before her. Yes, she did love P’Hin—but only as a wonderful older brother. She admitted to herself that her initial decision to study in England was influenced by P’Hin’s choice to come here. It took her quite a while to track down the senior Thai student named Pathapee and enroll in the same university. She even stayed on to work here, and now they shared a house. Living under the same roof had revealed one undeniable truth.
This man, who smiled warmly at everyone, was no different from a living doll.
Every night when Rose passed his room, she heard his cries.
She had lived here for four years, and for four years, Rose knew that P’Hin had never stopped thinking about Tul. He never stopped shedding tears for that man, not for a single day.
People often say that time heals all wounds, but Rose would argue otherwise. The man in front of her had never let go–had never tried. He still gave his heart to someone on a different continent. Yet because that person had a wife and a young child, P’Hin had had no choice but to leave.
But now, it was different.
"I don't know, Rose. I don't know," Kon Hin whispered softly, his voice barely audible.
No matter how much he longed to return to that embrace, six years of living as a heartless man had left Kon Hin terrified. What if he went back and Tul didn’t want him? What if Tul didn’t even want to see his face? Just thinking about it suffocated Kon Hin with unbearable pain.
"So, are you going to endure crying like this every day?" Rose asked.
She had once wished for him to let go, but deep down, she knew he never could, and he never would. The only way this man could truly smile again was to return to his heart.
"I don't know if Khun Tul still wants me," Kon Hin murmured, lowering his head as his voice quivered.
Rose looked at the man before her, his eyes full of fear. Then she stood up abruptly and dashed upstairs—not to her own room, but to retrieve something she knew was in the senior's drawer. Returning to the living room, she stopped in front of the man sitting frozen on the sofa.
"P’Hin, do you know what this is?"
"Rose!"
The moment Kon Hin saw what was in her hand, his entire body stiffened. He lunged forward to grab it back—the old mobile phone that Khun Tul had gifted him for his birthday.
In the six years that had passed, it had become outdated, its battery degraded to the point of uselessness. Yet Kon Hin had cherished it as though it were brand new. It had remained in his bedside drawer, soaking in his tears every night.
Now that phone was in Rose's hand. She pulled her hand back swiftly, causing Kon Hin to miss his grasp, and then...
Crash!!
"No!!!"
Suddenly, the woman hurled the object in her hand against the wall, smashing the screen to pieces. It fell to the ground, shattering into glass fragments that scattered across the tiled floor. Kon Hin shouted in panic, rushing forward to grab the device, terrified for his life, because this was the gift Khun Tul had given him—a precious memory that had kept him alive, heartless, for six long years.
But now, it was destroyed. Crushed, much like himself.
Plop.
A clear tear fell from his eye.
"No... Khun Tul... No..."
"You've been drowning in the past long enough, P'Hin. Six years, P'Hin. Six years of suffering like this. Let it go. You should be happy now. Please, consider this a request from your little sister," Rose said as she stepped forward, hugging Kon Hin tightly. She pulled his head into her lap, tears in her eyes.
"I don't want to see you cry anymore. If he can make you smile, then go back. Go back to your heart, P'Hin."
The plea made Kon Hin hold the one he loved like a sister even tighter.
Can he really go back? Go back to the heart he lost?
~~~
Tul felt that something was wrong today. The house was unusually quiet—no sound of the workers starting their cleaning routines, no noise of the young boy throwing a tantrum and refusing to go to school in the morning. There was no sound at all, which was strange. But the young man still carried his work bag and draped his suit jacket over his arm as he made his way downstairs, as he did every day.
Thud!
But as soon as Tul stepped down to the lower floor, he saw the shadow of someone reflected in the glass at the landing. His work bag slipped from his hand, and his suit jacket fell loosely to his side. His legs moved forward, searching for the owner of that shadow, his heart pounding loudly in his chest.
Even just seeing the tips of the hair, he recognized that silhouette.
"Good morning, Khun Tul,"
As soon as he stopped at the door frame, the man who had been staring at the image of the young boy, Phupha, turned to meet his gaze and greeted him, just like he had done for nearly twenty years.
This man... Kon Hin.
Six years hadn't changed him at all. Kon Hin might have grown up, matured, but the look in his eyes, the smile he gave, even the way he stood in front of him—he was still the same. The same Kon Hin that Tul had cried out for every night.
Thud!
Suddenly, Tul collapsed to the ground, both hands rising to cover his face, not caring about the tears flooding from his heart, overwhelming his eyes. His heart was beating so hard it hurt his chest.
Plop, plop.
His tears fell so heavily that he couldn’t even see the floor anymore.
"Do you know... six years... six years... I felt like I was dead but still alive... Why did you make me endure? Why did you make me keep breathing? I've been suffering... Ai Hin, I've been suffering," the man, whom everyone thought had everything, cried out as if he had lost everything.
There was no shame, no dignity, nothing but the torment he had endured all these years. Not a single day had passed where Tul had been happy. Not a single day where he wasn’t in pain.
Not a single day where he had him.
"You’re so cruel… hic… so cruel for letting me still have… life… Why didn’t you kill me? Why? Why did you make me live without you… Why!" Tul sobbed with all his might, his tall frame bent down, pressing his face against the floor with no semblance of dignity left.
All that remained was the pain he desperately wanted the other to understand.
Six years was far too long. Long enough for him to almost forget what happiness even looked like.
The image that caused Kon Hin just as much pain made it clear—when he left, this man was no different from him.
If he couldn’t be without Khun Tul, Khun Tul couldn’t be without him either.
Tul lifted his tear-streaked face to look up.
"You are my breath... hic… Without you… I don’t know how to breathe."
Tears continued to fall from the eyes of a man who seemed to have everything, and that sight made Kon Hin slowly move closer. He reached out, intending to touch the face he had longed for, to feel the warmth that had been absent for six years. But then...
Snatch!
Crash!
Suddenly, the one who had collapsed crying grabbed Kon Hin's hand, yanking him into an embrace so forcefully that they both tumbled to the floor. But no one cared. Their arms held each other tightly, their foreheads pressed together, letting their tears mix, until it was impossible to tell whose tears were whose.
The two pairs of eyes met, staring through the veil of tears.
"Don’t leave… I can’t live… I can’t live without you. I can’t anymore," Tul pleaded, his trembling hand reaching out to touch the cheek of the one he loved with all his heart, letting his tears fall onto the other’s face.
Though the image before him was blurred, he refused to close his eyes, afraid that if he did, Kon Hin would vanish like a dream in the night.
Kon Hin grasped Tul's hand firmly, smiling through his tears.
"I told you, didn’t I? I told you that if you had no one, I... I will always be by your side."
"I have only you. Only you, all along," Tul pressed a kiss to the hand they held together, speaking hurriedly, afraid that Kon Hin would disappear from his sight.
And this time, he could say it without hesitation.
"I love you, Ai Hin. I love you."
Now, with no ties to hold him back.
Now, with no more hatred.
Now, there was only him and the broken heart he wanted to give.
"I love you with all my heart."
Now, with only tears and the cries of his heart.
This was the sentence he had always wanted to say.
Though they were both in a condition that was beyond repair, their faces smeared with tears, rolling on the floor, Kon Hin found that this was the most beautiful, the most precious image of all, even after enduring so many years of suffering. Because now, he could finally say it aloud.
"I love you too... I’ve loved you all my life... and I will love you forever."
Snatch!
Tul pulled Kon Hin into a tight embrace, resting his face on his lap, crying just like the young boy he had been twenty years ago.
That day, he had Kon Hin by his side, and today, he had him back in his arms.
And then, Tul could breathe freely again, as his entire world returned to him.
A world that, while not perfect, was the most beautiful for these two men.
NEXT Epilogue
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