The news of the youngest son of the Metthanun family spread far and wide.
Everyone came to know that Tinn had been arrested at a party at a friend’s house, where the police found drugs on almost everyone attending. The people of Thailand began spreading word of Tinn’s despicable behavior. The situation worsened when the public started to believe that Tinn was sent to study abroad to cover up his disgraceful actions. However, on that day…
Tinn was not involved in any way.
After a drug test, Tinn was found to have not used any substances. He insisted he had simply attended the party at his friend’s house as usual. Although he was cleared of all accusations, in Thailand, the story of a famous socialite’s son still held enough value to be circulated for days.
As a result, Rasa could not face anyone and would scream every time reporters contacted her for an interview.
“Why aren’t you doing anything? Use money to silence those reporters!” Rasa screamed at her husband.
“If I had known about this earlier, I would have already done it. However, I found out at the same time as you,” Trai replied with a tense voice.
He had people in the media keeping watch for any issues that might negatively affect the company so he could stop them before they were published. However, this time, Trai had no information whatsoever. By the time he became aware of the situation, the story of their youngest son had already made the front pages. Even though he ordered the media to stop covering it, images of Tinn were already circulating widely on the internet.
“Then do something! I can’t face anyone anymore!!!”
“Then just stay home and keep quiet.”
"Khun Trai! I am utterly humiliated right now. Everyone keeps asking how I raised my child for Tinn to become such a thoughtless boy. I cannot even bring myself to face my friends!"
"Then stop thinking about yourself and think about your child for once!" Trai, usually a calm man who maintained his composure even in dire situations, now roared at his wife with an exasperated voice.
Rasa's eyes widened, clearly shocked, but in moments her expression turned to anger.
"You dare say that to me? The one who has never cared about our child is you! I am the one who raised Tinn with my own hands!"
"You only paraded Tinn around. The one who truly raised Tinn was Tul, not you." Trai spoke with frustration, and his words made Rasa scream in his face.
"It’s because of your wretched son that Tinn became this way! It’s Tul’s fault!"
"You've gone too far, Rasa. Just because you didn’t raise Tinn yourself doesn’t mean you can blame my son for everything."
"Are you saying Tinn isn’t your son? You still love that blonde-haired woman, don’t you? That’s why you don’t care about Tinn at all. Tell me! Just say it!" What began as a conversation about Tinn quickly spiraled into a resurfacing of past grievances from years ago.
Trai clenched his teeth and replied in an icy voice.
"If my mother hadn’t chosen you, things wouldn’t have turned out this bad."
"Ahhhhh! Khun Trai!" Rasa lunged at her husband, slapping and hitting him, while Trai, who had lost all patience, retaliated with shouts that echoed through the Metthanun mansion.
The atmosphere in the house was now steeped in gloom. Everyone whispered endlessly about Tinn’s situation, with most believing the newspapers because they had personally experienced the boy’s misbehavior. Only the family of Kon Hin...
They defended Tinn's innocence, but... no one believed them.
The habits instilled in Tinn by Tul over more than ten years bore their fruit in this very moment.
Kon Hin had no idea how long Khun Tul had been preparing for this drama. He hadn't suspected anything until the incident occurred, only then realizing why his Chao-nai had been receiving calls from abroad more frequently in recent times.
Piece by piece, everything had been meticulously planned. Yet, because Kon Hin himself was barely holding his life together, he hadn’t managed to intervene before this chaos unfolded.
He couldn’t protect Khun Tinn. He couldn’t stop Khun Tul from breaking his own heart yet again.
This time was no different from when Khun Tul indirectly caused Khun Than’s death. In the end, the one who would suffer lifelong torment from this sin would still be his Chao-nai. Kon Hin wished he could find a way to unravel this mess, but the tangle of problems was so tightly wound that he didn’t know where to begin.
And today, Khun Tinn returned to Thailand.
~~~
"Why are you the one picking me up? Where’s P'Tul?"
Once again, Kon Hin had been sent to retrieve Tinn from the airport. Evading the sharp-eyed reporters had been a nightmare, and when they finally managed to escape, the boy immediately began to act-up upon not seeing his beloved elder brother. Kon Hin couldn’t bring himself to explain that only he and Tinn’s father had been willing to come for the young man.
"Khun Tul is waiting at home," he replied.
The car lapsed into an extended silence until the boy in the back shifted uncomfortably.
"I didn’t use drugs."
"Understood," Kon Hin responded politely.
"I really didn’t use drugs. I’ve never even been to that damned event before. But the one time I went, the police showed up. I didn’t use drugs!”
“Yes,” Kon Hin replied.
“I said I didn’t use drugs! Maybe I’ve been with women, but I didn’t use drugs. Listen to me, damn it!!!” Tinn shouted, his voice filling the car like a frightened child trying to mask guilt with aggression.
This made Kon Hin glance at his Khun-chai through the rearview mirror, his response firm.
“I believe you.”
Tinn opened his mouth to yell again but fell silent instead. Lowering his head, his chin touched his chest, and his hands trembled uncontrollably in his lap.
“I didn’t do it. P'Tul, I didn’t do it.”
It wasn’t Kon Hin whom Tinn wanted to convince—it was his elder brother, the one person who was like his entire family.
Even though Tinn was willful, he had known since his arrest what kind of looks he would face from those around him. No one would believe his words. Everyone would treat him as just another delinquent child. However, the one person whose judgment he feared with all his heart was his brother.
If his brother hated him, Tinn thought, he would have nothing left.
“I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it,” Tinn muttered to himself for the rest of the ride, right up until the car turned into the gates of their home.
“Khun Tinn,” Kon Hin said.
Before stepping out to open the car door for the youngest master, Kon Hin turned to meet the pale-faced boy’s eyes. His voice was steady and resolute.
“I believe you are a good person, Khun Tinn. I always have.”
Tinn stood frozen, inadvertently glancing at Hin’s forehead where his hair had fallen over, hiding the scar inside. Tinn felt guilty, but because he had never been required to apologize to anyone, the young man raised his head with a haughty attitude.
"I don’t care whether you believe me or not," he said before stepping out of the car, ready to face the truth he feared most.
Waiting for Tinn were his father, mother, and elder brother.
At that moment, the young man recalled the dream he had when he first went abroad for his studies. He had hoped to see everyone waiting to welcome him with affection. Now though, Tinn knew that his hope would never come true. The fact that everyone was gathered together meant something had happened, and the cause was none other than himself.
"Tinn, how could you do this? Don’t you know your mother doesn’t know where to put her face anymore?" his mother said, her voice filled with fury.
Tinn, however, shot back without any respect. "Put it wherever you want. Or hide it. No one wants to see your face anyway."
"Tinn, how can you speak to your mother like that?!"
Tinn ignored his mother’s shrill voice, and he paid no attention to his father’s gaze. He walked straight to the one person who mattered, took that person’s hand, and looked up with eyes that pleaded, both innocent and desperate, as he begged to be believed.
"P'Tul, I didn’t do it. I didn’t use drugs. P'Tul, please believe me. Please believe me."
"Tinn, we need to talk about this later," Tul said in a serious tone.
"But P'Tul, you believe me, right?"
"Tinn..."
"P'Tul, you’re not angry with me, right? You’re not angry, right?" Tinn shook his brother’s hand like a small child, an image that hadn’t been seen in a long time. The fact that his brother didn’t soften, that his gaze didn’t change, made Tinn raise his voice.
"Believe me, P'Tul, believe me! I didn’t do it. I don’t care if anyone else believes me, but P'Tul, you have to believe me!"
The arrogant young man’s eyes turned red, and he looked like he was about to cry. His gaze was fixed solely on his elder brother.
That moment seemed endless to Kon Hin, who had turned his face down.
You shouldn’t have done this. You shouldn’t have done this at all.
"Tinn, go inside. I have something to discuss with you." At that moment, Trai cut through the tension.
His voice interrupted the shouting from his wife, "I’m your mother!" and the discomfort that filled the air.
Trai spoke in a serious tone, neither yielding nor angry, which caused Tinn to glance at his father briefly before looking back at his brother.
"Let’s go. We’ll talk later."
"You promised," Tinn asked, and only when his brother nodded did he follow his father inside, with his mother still ranting behind them.
Only Tul remained, standing alone. Kon Hin stepped up and stood beside him.
"You’re hurting yourself."
"I’m not," Tul replied, closing his eyes and clenching his fist tightly.
"You love Tinn, don’t you? No matter how much you hate Khun Than, you love Tinn."
"I don't love him."
"Tinn is your family, the one you love. You can still fix this," Kon Hin spoke with a pleading tone.
How could he not see that the moment Tinn had looked at his brother with pleading eyes, the man in front of him seemed confused, hesitant—something Tul had never felt toward Khun Than.
"You raised Tinn with your own hands. Everything can still be fixed."
"Heh, when did you become a negotiator?"
"P'Tul," Kon Hin pleaded, looking at the man who clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.
"It hurt you." Tul bit off dehumanizing.
"Tinn hasn’t hurt me." Hin argued.
"He will destroy me."
"Tinn loves you more than anyone."
"He will take everything from me."
"Everything of Tinn’s belongs to you," Kon Hin both pleaded and begged, watching as those eyes, filled with hope, shifted.
Hin believed he could still fix things. No, P'Tul could do it. This man could fix anything. That’s why he didn’t want...
For everything to be beyond repair.
But...
~~~
The beautiful European car drove straight in, and Kon Hin immediately recognized whose car it was... Khun Wadi's.
At that moment, Kon Hin's face turned pale, his hands trembling. He stepped back, intending to return to the house, but was stopped when Tul grabbed his arm firmly, standing still as the woman stepped out of the car, her face full of worry.
In the short time since they had last seen each other, Napawadi had noticeably lost weight. The once-bright eyes, full of life, now held only worry and anxiety. She hurried over to Tul without hesitation, grabbing his arms tightly.
"Why haven’t you been answering my calls, P'Tul? I’ve been trying to reach you for days."
"Calm down, Wadi."
"I can’t calm down. There’s something I need to tell you, P'Tul." Napawadi didn’t even care that Kon Hin was standing behind Tul. She looked at her lover with reproachful eyes, her gaze growing red, signaling she was about to cry.
"I have something I need to tell you too."
Tul cast a quick glance at the person standing behind him, then turned back to the woman he had once believed was the red carpet leading him to a perfect life. Because if his grandmother had said he was an imperfect mixed-heritage child, then Wadi was the high-born woman who seemed to fit him perfectly. But Tul had made his choice.
He had chosen the moment Kon Hin told him he would leave him.
"P'Tul, you need to listen to me first. About me..." Napawadi finally broke into tears and stepped closer to Tul, looking up at him with a pleading expression, just like Tinn had.
Tul’s expression shifted, starting to sense that something was wrong.
"Is something wrong with you, Wadi?"
Although Tul wanted to end things today, he began to worry when he saw the pale face of his girlfriend. But then his brown eyes widened in shock when Napawadi placed her hand on her stomach.
He was stunned before Wadi spoke, her voice trembling.
"I'm pregnant... I'm pregnant, P'Tul."
At that moment, it wasn’t just Tul who felt as though he had been struck hard. Kon Hin felt like the world was collapsing right before his eyes.
Neither man moved as Napawadi rushed to hug Tul tightly, crying as she explained how scared she had been to tell him today, how scared she had been when she couldn’t reach him, and how terrified she had been knowing she was pregnant but not daring to tell anyone. Her feelings mirrored Tul's own.
Tul immediately felt fear when he realized the woman in front of him was carrying his child.
The mixed-heritage young man turned to look at the important person beside him, whose expression showed a clear decision.
He felt more terrified than if a gun had been pointed at his head.
~~~
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes, I know it’s ungrateful, but I..."
"No. It’s not ungrateful, Hin. It’s not."
Inside Trai's office, the person standing before the desk was not the youngest son who had thrown a tantrum and locked himself in his room, but Pathapee, standing quietly with a determined look in his eyes, despite the redness in both of them.
When Kon Hin had referred to his request as ungrateful, Trai raised his hand to stop him.
"I’ve never viewed hiring your family to work as a debt of gratitude. Didn’t your father tell you that the one in debt to me is actually myself, not your family?" Trai said in a firm voice, recalling events nearly twenty years ago.
The day the woman he loved most chose to leave, leaving behind only a young son, Trai himself was in a state of living death. He was drunk, grieving, but because he didn’t want Tul to see him in such a pathetic state, he had left the house to drink.
Trai got into a fight and was nearly beaten to death. It was Kon Hin's father who helped him. Even though he had no money to his name, he returned Trai’s wallet to him with every single baht intact.
Had it not been for Kon Hin's father that day, Trai might have died in a trash heap.
Even though Trai was the one in debt, Kon Hin’s family saw the favor of having their entire household live with him as a debt they owed him.
However, Trai only needed good people who were not under his mother’s thumb—people who would protect his son when he wasn't around, and this family had done their job as best they could. Not just the mother, not just the father, but also the little boy who had once been beaten by Trai’s own mother.
It was he, Trai, who owed this family. Had it not been for Kon Hin's father, he might have died. Had it not been for Kon Hin, his son would have been living a half-life.
Now that boy had grown into a young man and would stand beside Trai's son just like before. Kon Hin sacrificed his own childhood. He had never played like other children, never experienced the things other children did. So why shouldn’t he give Kon Hin what he asked for? But...
"I don't mind that you’ve decided this way, but are you sure?"
Trai looked into the red eyes of the young man, seeing only tears, but Kon Hin responded firmly.
"Yes, I’ve made my decision."
"Does Tul know?"
Trai looked at the other person, who was on the verge of tears, feeling pity for himself.
He hadn't been able to help any of his sons. He couldn't help his eldest son, couldn’t help the youngest, and couldn’t help the one he considered like another son. If he were stronger, no one would have to suffer like this. Trai told himself.
"Khun Tul has Khun Wadi," Kon Hin said.
"And who will you have?"
Kon Hin closed his eyes, allowing tears to fall as he felt lost.
"I have... memories... from the past ten or more years... yes," Kon Hin said, struggling not to sob. His shoulders shook, but he had to make his decision firmly because there was no other choice left. The only way to end everything was this way... he had to leave.
Suddenly, Kon Hin knelt before his benefactor and bowed deeply.
"I'm sorry, Khun Trai. I’m sorry that I can no longer protect Khun Tul. I can't do it anymore."
Trai stepped forward and immediately grasped Kon Hin’s shoulder, seeing nothing but pain in this young man’s eyes.
"I wanted to fulfill that role, but I can't stay... I must go."
"Kon Hin."
"I ask to leave this house, Khun Trai."
This was the only way.
Trai looked at the boy before him with both pity and sympathy. He wanted to hold him back, but doing so would only cause more pain for this child. His hand on the boy's shoulder tightened.
"You know, don't you, that you can always come back? You know he will always need you."
Sometimes, Trai might be the one who knew best, but this failed father never knew what he should do for all of his children.
Kon Hin lowered his head and bowed at Trai's feet, his voice trembling.
"But not now, Khun Trai. Not now."
Right now, the person Khun Tul needed was not him, and he had to leave.
Khun Tul was his entire world. He had to leave to allow that world to continue existing.
"Then, what if I offer you this choice?"
This made Kon Hin lift his tear-filled eyes to his benefactor.
~~~
Kon Hin walked to the living room on the second floor, where the liquor was kept.
The price was steep, and he wiped his face, unable to look at himself. He took a deep breath, watching his hands tremble in emptiness. He asked himself for the hundredth time whether what he was doing was the right thing, but no matter how he thought about it, he couldn't see any other option.
It wasn't just Khun Napawadi anymore, but now there was also a child in her womb.
This factor made Kon Hin take another deep breath before opening the door and entering the room.
The smell of liquor wafted out, causing the young man to hesitate. His eyes fixed on the man sitting and drinking in the center of the room.
"Khun Tul."
"I don't want to hear it!"
As soon as Kon Hin spoke, Tul yelled loudly, causing his confidant to lower his head slightly, but Kon Hin walked over and stopped in front of him, pulling the glass of liquor from Tul's hand and setting it down on the table.
"I need to tell you."
"I said I don't want to hear it!"
Tul raised his head and shouted loudly, but his eyes, red-rimmed, were no different.
Metthanun's eldest son was smart, and smart people understood what Kon Hin was going to do before he even entered his father's study. Before he realized it, Tul downed the liquor, and clear tears fell from his eyes.
If he listened, it would mean he wouldn't see it again. So, he didn't want to hear it.
"Khun Tul, please," Kon Hin pleaded, tears streaming down his face.
"Please, just listen to what I have to say."
"No, I won’t listen," Tul lowered his head, lifting his hands to cover his face, hiding the tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I won’t listen to anything. I won’t listen."
Kon Hin choked back a sob upon seeing the hopelessness in Tul's expression. He reached out to touch the broad shoulder, speaking with a heart full of torment.
"I’m leaving tomorrow morning."
Crash!
"I won't let you go. Do you hear me? I won't let you go!"
Suddenly, Tul grabbed a glass of liquor and threw it, shattering it against the wall behind Kon Hin, before the large man collapsed to the floor. He knew that Kon Hin would make this choice, but he refused to accept it.
"I won’t let you go."
"Khun Tul, this is the only way."
"No, no! I have to find a way out. I have to..."
"Khun Tul, we both know there is no way," Kon Hin collapsed, holding onto the shoulders of the man who was crying uncontrollably.
"Khun Wadi is pregnant. Pregnant with your child."
"That’s what I don’t want!" Tul lifted his head and shouted at the top of his voice, but Kon Hin shook his head.
"No, you do want it, Khun Tul. You know it."
"No, I don’t..."
"You've always wanted a family, Khun Tul," Kon Hin interrupted through his tears, offering a smile in an attempt to comfort him. Though it was a smile filled with such deep sadness that it was heartbreaking.
"You’ve always wanted a family, someone who loves you and whom you love. Now Khun Wadi is going to give you that. This is something I can’t give you. Please, don’t say you don’t want her, because you know better than anyone that you do."
"No! The one I want is you!" Tul argued, tears flowing.
But Kon Hin slowly shook his head.
"I can’t be by your side anymore."
"No, no!" Tul urgently grabbed Kon Hin's arm, shaking his head forcefully.
"No, I won’t let you go."
"I have to go, Khun Tul. I have to..." Kon Hin took a deep breath before continuing.
"...I have to go so that your world can be complete."
He was the excess in this world.
Khun Tul’s world should have Khun Wadi, a wonderful woman, and a lovely child born out of love. This was the ideal world, and in that world, there was no place for him.
Kon Hin himself couldn’t destroy that image with his own hands. If Khun Tul chose him again, it wouldn’t just be Khun Wadi who had to go, but also the little life that hadn't yet been born. He couldn’t allow Khun Tul to hurt anyone else anymore. Everything should end here.
"My world is you," Tul contradicted, like a little boy who couldn’t argue with his parents. "My whole world is you."
Kon Hin shook his head, holding Tul’s hand, pressing his lips against it with all the love in his heart, then resting his forehead against it.
"I’m just a worthless rock, Khun Tul. I’m not your whole world. Throw me away. I’m not valuable enough to be your whole world." He loved this man with all his heart, and because of that love, he couldn’t stay any longer.
"No! No, you promised you wouldn’t leave me!"
As Kon Hin tried to pull away, Tul grabbed his hand tightly, shaking his head forcefully.
"I never left you, Khun Tul. No matter what, you’ll always be the only one I love. That will never change. You’ll always be here." Kon Hin pressed Tul's hand against his left chest, reached out with his other hand to gently wipe away the tears from his Chao-nai’s face, offering a tearful smile.
Then, Kon Hin pulled both his hands back, stood up, and looked at the image of the man he loved, huddled on the floor, crying as though he had lost everything.
"From now on, you won’t need me anymore, because you’re not alone anymore."
Grab!
"Don’t leave me."
Tul clutched Kon Hin’s leg tightly, lifting his head to ask in pain, pleading with everything he had.
"Even if I love you, are you really going to leave me?"
"Khun Tul, please don't do this."
But Tul held Kon Hin’s leg even tighter, pleading without any dignity.
"I love you... Hin, I love you. Please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me."
The words of love that Kon Hin had always wanted to hear throughout his life were said to him now, but on this day everything was falling apart.
"I love you too."
"Then don’t leave me..."
"But your child needs a father."
Kon Hin interrupted, then with a heavy heart, he pulled his leg away from Tul’s desperate grip. He tried to smile because he wanted Tul to remember his smile rather than his tears, but it was a smile that tormented anyone who saw it.
"That child... please... give him your love. Hiccup Don’t let him grow up surrounded by the pain like you did, Khun Tul. I beg you, live for him. Raise him the way you’ve always wanted. If you have no reason to live... live for him, hiccup for your bloodline... please. I beg you. Consider it my final request."
Kon Hin spoke all of this with a heart full of pain, looking at the handsome face, the sharp features, the dark brows that often furrowed, the proud nose that revealed his western heritage, the lips that had once given him tender touches again and again. He looked to remember, then took slow steps backward.
"Promise me you won’t come looking for me."
"Don’t kill me like this."
"Promise me," Kon Hin insisted, asking for the promise.
"I..."
"I beg you."
"You’re killing me while I’m still alive," Tul complained, looking at the man with unwavering eyes until his own gaze fell to the ground.
"I…" hiccup "I won’t come looking for you..."
"Promise me you’ll be happy."
"You can’t ask for something I can’t give." Tul was dying. He couldn’t breathe. The images he wanted to remember were blurring because of his tears.
"Promise me you’ll try."
He didn’t want to promise because he knew he would never be able to do it.
"I’ll... try."
Because that was the request of the person he loved.
He would try to live on without him.
That was Tul’s thought as he watched the one he knew he loved walk away, too late to do anything. He watched until he disappeared from view, then buried his face in his knees. The man who had lost everything cried out in utter devastation.
"I love you... hiccup I love... you. Only you."
~~~
The cries, filled with pain and torment, were a fitting expression of his foolishness, realizing too late.
He didn’t want revenge on anyone; he just wanted someone who truly 'loved' him.
When the one he loved left, Tul was no different from a body devoid of a soul.
Tul realized... Kon Hin was like his breath. Without breath... It was like being alive but dead.
He drank and drank, drinking to ease the pain.
However, it only caused him to lose grip on the truth in front of his younger brother, the last family he had left. Tul tried to stop himself, not wanting everything Kon Hin had tried to tell him to be in vain.
Tinn was the last family he had, but when that family came at the most painful moment, he couldn’t hold it back anymore.
"I’ve never seen you as a brother. I should have killed you from the start!!!"
Tul couldn’t stop the words from leaving his mouth.
That night, it wasn’t just Tul losing his lover; it was the day he lost the last family he had left. In the end, Tul Metthanun... had nothing left.
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