Even as he falls asleep into the land of dreams, the man who serves as the cushion to absorb another's emotions cannot escape the pain that arises near his temple. Right now, it throbs painfully, sending that pain racing through every nerve ending, transforming into old memories that rush through his mind.
Kon Hin saw himself being harmed for the first time.
The image is of Tul, who was the same age, straddling over his body, relentlessly thrusting into him without mercy. Tul's fists pounded on his face, though Kon Hin begged again and again, over and over, but Tul did not stop. He himself was surprised that he managed to endure it until the end. Why was it that his young body, that had never even had sex before, could withstand the actions of the other?
Ah, yes, he remembers now.
Amidst the pain that caused his consciousness to fade, what reflected in the eyes of Tul was... tears.
Tears that fall, one after another, flowing through the beautiful eyes, trickling down his cheeks, while the sound of crying in pain echoes through his head, drowning out his own cries completely.
No one loves me, Hin. No one loves me... no one at all. Why don't they love me... Dad, Mom, Khun Yaa, why don't they love Tul? Why did they let me be born? Why must everyone abandon me?
Why? Even though every image is blurry, the painful tone of that day remains clear in Hin's heart.
Who is he, the man who acts even with his own family? Only the weak, who have nowhere to turn, do that. Who is he, the cruel man who thinks of killing his parents? Only the pitiful, who are hated by everyone, would do such a thing. Who is he, the wicked man who hurts those who cannot fight back...
He is merely someone who wants love. Khun Tul has always cried out for love, but there has been none, not a single person or a single time has love been returned to him.
Ignored.
Mother... fled.
Father... hated him.
Stepmother... saw him as a means to an end.
The reason he is still here is because Kon Hin knows this man better than anyone else. He has seen what no one else has. When he was hurt, Khun Tul cried as if he were on the verge of madness.
"More."
The thoughts that only bring a sick, maddening pain to his head. He wants to scream, but all he can do is swallow the pain. He wants to shout for them to stop hurting Khun Tul, stop making this man suffer.
Enough, enough already. Khun Tul has suffered enough, stop it!
Stop it, damn it, stop it already!
"Hin, wake up!"
Gasp!
The injured person slowly opened his tear-filled eyes and looked up.
"Khun Tul."
The Chao-nai was not the youth in his dream but a handsome young man still sitting beside his bed. His beautiful eyes, shining like gold, stared directly at him. He spoke in a calm voice, laced with concern.
"Does the wound hurt a lot?"
He didn’t ask how the other knew he was in pain, because his eyes were still wet. He reluctantly spoke the truth in a hoarse voice.
"It hurts, but I can bear it."
"Then get up, eat, and take your medicine. I saw painkillers in the bag." Tul nodded towards the medicine bag on the small table, prompting the injured person to turn and see that it wasn't just the medicine bag, but a tray of food, likely brought up from the kitchen.
"Khun Tul, you didn’t have to trouble yourself bringing this for me."
"And where do you see me being troubled?"
Kon Hin fell silent, staring into the sharp eyes that returned his gaze with a deep, strong voice. And then...
Pat.
"If it hurts, just stay still."
The palm that had hurt him countless times before was placed gently on his head. The fingertips slowly traced around his temple, bringing warmth to his heart, making him lie stiffly on the bed, watching the person who moved to help him sit up against the bed's headrest.
"I can eat by myself, Khun Tul. It's just a small wound. You can go back to the main house."
"Don't make me angry."
Kon Hin immediately fell silent, watching the person turn to grab the tray of food with hot porridge, probably made by his mother, and placed it in his hands. He could only lower his head and slowly take bites of the food.
"Finish eating, then you can take your medicine," Tul said, staring intently at the sick person, who awkwardly ate, but still forced himself to continue. Then he asked another question.
"Do you need to clean the wound tomorrow?"
"Yes. The doctor said I need to clean it for seven days," Kon Hin replied while blowing on the hot porridge to cool it down.
"Then I’ll go with you tomorrow."
"Khun Tul, you don’t have to..."
"If I were Rob, would you refuse like this?"
Of course, the injured person couldn't respond. It wasn't that he didn't know what to say, but he was more stunned by the aggressive tone of the person, whose eyes were sharp and seemed like they were about to pounce and choke him. But his gaze then shifted to the wound, which made him stay still, while Kon Hin's face turned pale.
It has nothing to do with Rob.
No matter how Tul might think there was something between him and his close friend, the truth was that there was nothing at all. They were just friends, nothing more. But if he were to answer this question... If it were Rob, would he still argue like this and let his friend take him to treat his wound?
"Heh."
The inability to speak was the best answer, which made Tul laugh in his throat in displeasure. Because if it were Rob, Kon Hin wouldn’t be this stubborn. Tul then spoke in a firm tone, insistent on his point.
"I’m going to sleep here tonight."
"But the bed here is small," Kon Hin replied.
"Or do you want to follow me to the main house... Don’t you want to avoid seeing Ai Tinn right now?"
Kon Hin couldn’t respond, and the reason was clear—he wasn’t ready to face Tinn. Not really.
"I’m sleeping here. I want to make sure you’re not going to get crazy and really quit."
The speaker stood up and walked to pour some water into a glass, while the listener could only watch his broad back, which had been with him for so long. The conflict in his heart about why the other person was being so kind gradually disappeared because Pathapee understood... understood like someone who truly understood the other.
For a lifetime.
It's not that Khun Tul is worried, he's just afraid of me disappearing.
A selfish thought that brought a faint smile to his lips before he decided to speak.
"If Khun Tul wants me, I'll stay here."
Tul glanced at him.
"And if I don’t want you?"
Kon Hin met his gaze firmly.
"I'll disappear from your life, Khun."
Tul’s response was to frown, shaking his head slowly, then speaking only one sentence.
"That will never happen."
"Then I'll stay like this," Kon Hin said.
Tul didn’t respond, but Kon Hin could see... the smile he hadn’t seen in a long time.
A smile from the man who whispered back with a voice attempting to sound more serious.
"Remember your words well."
In that moment, Kon Hin felt that the pain was more than worth it, just to see Khun Tul... embarrassed, even if just once in his life.
~~~
In the moment when the sky was draped in the blanket of night, when light was replaced by artificial illumination, and when people were sound asleep, the eldest son of the Metthanun family still sat before his laptop. His sharp eyes scanned through a wealth of information with focus, remaining that way until the morning arrived. Yet...
“Sigh…”
Tul exhaled heavily—not from eye strain, not from bodily fatigue.
The cheap iron-framed bed he leaned against wasn’t the cause, nor was the discomfort of craning his neck to look at the screen perched on his lap. The truth was, he couldn’t focus.
The documents he was supposed to read passed through his eyes but left no impression on his mind.
He lightly massaged the corners of his eyes with his fingers as he placed the laptop on the floor with his other hand. His sharp eyes closed, and the cause of his distraction surfaced in his thoughts.
The feeling when he learned that Ai Hin was injured.
The feeling when he found out Hin was bleeding.
The feeling when he realized Hin had been driven away.
The feeling of worry in his heart.
The wave of emotions surging through him made the mixed-heritage young man declare to himself in a deep strong voice:
"I will never allow it!"
The young man knew full well that he had held power over Kon Hin since childhood. For whatever reason, he listened only to him, obeyed him, and submitted to him alone. For that reason, Tul had never imagined a moment when he would leave. In the past few hours though, he had come to realize that Hin’s departure could happen more easily than anything else.
Yes, Hin's family owed Khun Father a great debt of gratitude, but there was no document or binding obligation that tethered Kon Hin to him.
If Hin were to utter even a single word expressing his wish to leave, Tul would have no right to stop him.
Someone like his father would never demand repayment for the support he had provided, insisting that the care and education given required work in return. His father would likely just accept it easily if Kon Hin wanted to work elsewhere, away from the family's company.
As for his stepmother? That woman was itching to drive Kon Hin's family out, trembling with desire to rid herself of seeing the head chef and head laborer as Khun Father's people.
So, if Kon Hin were to voice his desire to live outside, what could Tul possibly use to hold him back?
Bang!
The thoughts were cut short by the loud snap of his laptop being closed. The hand that had been massaging his brow shifted to clutch his face tightly.
Damn it! Stop thinking about such nonsense already!
He had reports to complete, student president duties to manage, and company documents still unfinished. Why was he wasting his precious time thinking about such absurd things?!
Absurd... really?
Again, the thought echoed in his mind, leaving both hands frozen and his eyes widening. Out of nowhere, an unfamiliar fear assaulted his heart. Something deep inside told him this was anxiety. It wasn’t hatred, resentment, or anger—it was a feeling he didn’t want to recognize, didn’t want to face.
Yes, it was a sinking feeling.
"What kind of foolish thoughts are these? It's just one person."
One person who had his back for over ten years.
Tul tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, resting it against the cheap mattress behind him. But his sharp eyes didn’t truly see the plain ceiling above. Instead, they reflected something far removed from the present.
He might despise this household more than anything, yet he could still envision himself taking control of everything. He could see himself holding everything that old hag once possessed in his hands. He saw that future clearly. But, strangely enough, Tul had just realized that in every version of that future, Kon Hin was always there.
The tall figure had never considered where Kon Hin fit in his plans. Yet somehow, he was always there, in every vision.
It was only today that Tul became aware that such a constant presence could disappear so easily.
“Damn it.”
Tul turned to look at the person sleeping soundly on the bed, observing his sharp, handsome features—the closed eyes, the lashes resting against his cheeks, the nose that, while not as prominent as Tul’s, suited his delicate lips perfectly. Then there was his deeper-toned complexion, his jet-black hair brushed back from his face.
When had Kon Hin changed so much?
It had been years since Tul had looked closely at Hin's face. When had the scrawny, dark-skinned boy his father had brought into their home transformed into this?
The thought struck Tul as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, gazing down at the other with an uncharacteristic expression.
Calm and steady.
“You’re good-looking too, huh?” Tul thought it absurd how he had only just noticed this.
Perhaps it was because Kon Hin had always been by his side, following behind him, that Tul had never once turned around to truly look—just making sure that Kon Hin could keep up with him.
The tall figure didn’t even realize when his brain ordered his hand to reach out. But by the time he noticed, one hand was already resting gently against Kon Hin’s temple, brushing softly over the fabric covering the wound, his touch light so as not to wake the other.
Even now, Tul could feel the burning fire roaring in his chest, ignited simply by the sight of the clean white gauze.
Hatred pierced his heart.
Hatred... loathing... rage.
These were the feelings he had mastered throughout his life, directed at the one still living—his own younger brother by blood.
“No one can take you away from me.”
Tul was slowly learning that he would destroy anyone who tried to take away the one who always watched his back.
Not for something lofty like love or attachment. No, it was simply because Tul still needed Kon Hin.
“Yes, I still need you.”
That was the only reason.
The selfish thought of a man gently stroking a wound, watching the other stir repeatedly as if about to awaken from a dream. That sight compelled Tul to lean down and... press a kiss onto the white gauze covering the wound.
“Get some more sleep.”
The same hand slid to grasp the dark hair, stroking it gently, so tenderly that even the one doing it didn’t realize the sweetness of the gesture. The deep voice murmured softly, nearly inaudible, yet it was enough to make the stirring figure settle back into stillness. It was as if even in slumber, Khun Pathapee unfailingly obeyed his Chao-nai’s words.
This obedience brought a faint, affectionate smile to Tul’s lips. His pressed kiss lingered a moment longer before he pulled back to gaze at the face before him.
Sharp, intense eyes—profound enough to draw anyone caught in their gaze into an inescapable snare. Those eyes locked on the sleeping face for a long moment, before a voice, resonant and commanding, whispered against the bridge of Kon Hin’s nose.
“The only way you’ll leave me... is the day you die.”
Words that carved themselves deep into the heart of the servant. Even as the lips that spoke such cruel words moved to press softly against the forehead, the gesture carried an inexplicable tenderness. Tul lingered a moment longer, watching the injured figure, before retreating to his previous spot to resume the unfinished work awaiting him. Regardless of what obstacles lay ahead, he would not stop moving forward—and he would drag Kon Hin along, no matter if the path led to heaven or hell.
The selfish thoughts of a man who, even now, failed to comprehend just how valuable Kon Hin truly was to him.
~~~
Since morning, Khun Pathapee had offered his faint smile countless times. Ever since stepping into the faculty, his peers had crowded around him, questioning what had happened. He had lied outright, claiming he had fallen and hit his head on a table. Their reactions ranged from sympathy to mockery of his clumsiness. Yet, that wasn’t what rendered him unable to laugh. The real reason was...
“Help me with something.”
"What is it, Khun-chai?"
Tul tapped a classmate on the shoulder, prompting a cheeky response that made Tul laugh softly.
"Let me borrow your notes to photocopy this afternoon."
"Huh? Where are you going?"
Tul motioned with a jerk of his shoulder toward someone quietly packing up their things.
"Taking Ai'Hin to get his wound cleaned."
"Oh, it needs to be cleaned every day, huh? Alright, I'll make the copies and you can grab them on Monday."
Kon Hin turned to him abruptly, quickly interjecting, "I can go on my own, Khun Tul."
"Oho, your worker’s defying orders now, huh, Tul?" The classmate teased with a laugh, knowing full well Kon Hin’s position.
The nickname was never intended as an insult but rather was a term Pathapee himself insisted upon. Everyone knew Kon Hin called his Chao-nai Khun Tul. Despite seniors jokingly suggesting he should say, "I'm here as a companion," Kon Hin had firmly refused, earning him various labels—from servant to worker to subordinate, and, in harsher moments, the loyal slave.
"Let him defy me. I'm skipping the lecture this afternoon anyway."
"But, Khun Tul, you've already missed this class several times," Kon Hin countered firmly, disregarding the friend.
This course required attendance, and with Tul's prior absences due to Khun Than’s passing and business at the company, Kon Hin didn’t want him missing out for trivial reasons like this.
"It's just wound cleaning; he can go alone."
"Alright, I'll leave it to you, then," Tul responded casually, ignoring Kon Hin’s protest. The friend nodded in agreement but couldn't resist asking, "Why not leave it to Ai'Rob? Wait, are you two fighting? Lately, Ai'Rob seems to be glaring at you a lot."
The mixed-heritage man paused briefly, tilting his head nonchalantly. "I have no idea. Ask him for me, will you? Let’s go, Ai'Hin. What time's your appointment?" Eager to change the subject and avoid talking about his large-framed friend, Tul shifted the topic before turning to Kon Hin. Then he coerced the reluctant man by…
Grab.
"Let’s get going."
No, Tul wasn’t about to hold the other's hand and spark strange rumors. Instead, he grabbed Kon Hin’s backpack, slung it over one shoulder with ease, picked up his own bag with his other hand, and strode out first, leaving Kon Hin staring in surprise.
"Wow, your Chao-nai is something else, huh? Carrying your bag for you and all. Tul really never acts like your Chao-nai, does he?" A classmate’s voice made Kon Hin turn back, catching their admiring gazes following Tul’s retreating figure. It was clear that such small gestures not only made the recipient feel good but also inspired admiration in those around him. Actions like these only deepened their faith in Tul Metthanun, the man of a hundred faces.
Even though Kon Hin understood that Tul’s actions often had ulterior motives, he couldn’t help but feel a flicker of admiration.
That, more than anything, was what kept the smile off Kon Hin’s face.
Pathapee might have known when his Chao-nai acted to win hearts, but since waking from the drug’s effects, he couldn’t discern what motivated these little gestures anymore.
Does his Chao-nai truly wish to care for him, or does he simply not want him to disappear?
Kon Hin could sense small changes, ones he could not understand why they were happening.
"Ai'Hin, are you coming or not?"
"I'm coming! I’ll go first," Kon Hin quickly told his friend before running after the person waiting for him. Yet, the exertion caused his wound to ache, making him grimace in pain.
"Does your wound hurt?" Tul stepped back toward him immediately, asking while glancing at the injury near his temple.
"Just a little, it feels tight," Kon Hin replied, gently touching the gauze as Tul's concerned gaze bore into him. However, the pain was insignificant compared to the tenderness he felt from Tul's actions.
Tul adjusted the two bags he carried, slowed his pace, and drove Kon Hin to the hospital himself. Upon arrival, he declared firmly, "I'll wait here."
The man who valued every second of his time sat down on a chair to make it clear he would wait, even though it was unnecessary. This left Kon Hin stunned and compelled to enter the treatment room, aware of the lingering heat on his back from Tul's piercing gaze.
Kon Hin was genuinely unprepared for his Chao-nai's behavior since waking up that morning, so much so that he barely registered what the nurse was doing to his wound.
"Is that your friend out there?" the nurse asked casually.
"Yes," he replied.
"That’s nice. He came to keep you company. When I had to get stitches, no one came with me. I had to drag myself here every day to clean the wound. I’m so envious," the nurse continued, trying to make small talk to distract him from the procedure.
Kon Hin responded softly.
"Yes."
"And they say good-looking people usually hang out with other good-looking people. Well, I’ve truly understood that today. Gosh, if someone this handsome came in every day, the uncles and aunties here would be so delighted," the nurse said with a laugh, hoping to see a pleased or shy reaction from the patient to tease a little.
Instead, she got… "Not at all."
"Hm?" She raised her eyebrows at his serious tone.
"I’m no match for the person outside. He’s perfect in every way—looks, intelligence, even family background. Please don’t compare me to him. Just thinking about it is wrong. I’m not suited to be compared to him in any way," the young student said earnestly, his voice devoid of any playful tone, leaving the nurse momentarily at a loss.
"Uh... okay."
"Am I done?"
"Oh, yes, yes."
"Thank you very much," the young patient said politely before stepping out, not wanting to keep his Chao-nai waiting, leaving the nurse scratching her head.
Muttering to herself, she said, "Seriously, do kids these days really compare themselves to their friends like this?"
Kon Hin exited the room, the nurse's words echoing in his mind until he had to sternly remind himself:
No matter how kind Khun Tul becomes, I must remember I am just a servant.
He had no right to even compare himself. Yes, don’t think too much about it, Kon Hin. Don’t let yourself be swayed by what Khun Tul does for you. Don’t...
"Are you done? Does it hurt?"
His thoughts were interrupted when the person waiting stood up, prompting the one who had just reminded himself to answer.
"A little, yes."
However, Kon Hin froze because...
The tips of Tul’s fingers gently touched the clean white gauze, caressing it softly, as if to comfort him, followed by a deep, almost whisper-like voice.
"Get well soon. Don’t make me worry again."
Then came a charming smile that made Kon Hin’s heart tremble.
“I... I’ll go pay for the treatment first,” he said quickly, turning his head away to avoid looking at Tul, walking briskly to the payment counter as if escaping the warmth that had not only been left on his temple but was now deeply etched into his heart.
"That’s not good, you know?"
Kon Hin murmured as he touched the lingering warmth.
Even the one who understood Tul the most didn’t know what that man was thinking. Why... was he so gentle?
NEXT Chapter 20 - Not Lowering Oneself, But Lowering the Heart
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