The daily routine was completed.
Tul entered the small room while rubbing a small towel on his head.
The towel was soaking wet. His golden-brown eyes focused on the side of his temple.
"Does it still hurt?"
“A little, sir.” Kon Hin lifted his hand to touch the wound, trying to make his voice sound cheerier because he didn’t want his Chao-nai to worry.
“I’m fine now, Khun Tul. You should go back to the main house.”
It was the second night that Tul had slept in this small room. Kon Hin wished the other would return to sleep on a soft bed, not the stiff mattress that caused back pain like in his own bedroom.
“I was planning to go back to my room anyway.”
The listener admitted to feeling somewhat relieved. This gentle act only made him uneasy, but while he was getting up to fold the blanket properly, the Chao-nai walked over to a corner of the room to grab something, then ordered in a neutral tone.
"Then you better follow me quickly."
"Huh?"
Kon Hin furrowed his brow, looking at the other in confusion, until Tul raised up what he was holding, revealing that it was Kon Hin’s own bathing equipment. Since the small house was where the workers in the mansion stayed together, even though there were private rooms, the shared bathroom was downstairs. Kon Hin had arranged his things neatly, ready to easily carry them to the bathroom.
Now, all of his belongings were in Tul's hands.
"I heard your mother say you can’t wash your own hair, right?"
"Well... yes."
Although he had a strange premonition, Kon Hin responded softly. He had asked his mother to help wash his hair this morning, as he was worried about getting his wound wet. He never expected this to reach his Chao-nai’s ears. This answer seemed to please the mixed-heritage young man.
His handsome face broke into a wide smile, his eyes gleaming with intent, and he casually said,
"Then I'll wash it for you."
"Huh?!"
Kon Hin immediately thought he was still dreaming. He pinched his own cheek, staring wide-eyed at the one who was laughing and didn't listen to his refusal. Without hesitation, Tul turned and walked out of the bedroom, carrying Kon Hin’s belongings, making Kon Hin rush to follow anxiously, his mouth hurriedly stammering,
"Khun Tul, you don’t have to trouble yourself. I asked my mother already."
"Auntie Klin is in the kitchen. Are you going to have her stop working just to wash your hair and risk getting scolded by my stepmother?"
It was true what the Chao-nai said, but Kon Hin thought he could wait. His mother would be finished with her morning work soon, or he might ask someone else for help. But...
"Don’t argue, just follow me."
Tul didn’t allow any argument, stepping ahead toward the large building, which was still eerily quiet. The only commotion came from the kitchen and the areas around the house where the gardener was watering plants and trimming branches as usual. Therefore, they barely encountered anyone on their way up to the second floor, not until they reached the deepest part of the corridor.
"Khun Tul, I can wash it myself," Kon Hin tried to argue, even though they had already entered the large bedroom. Just the thought of a servant like him having his Chao-nai wash his hair made him uneasy. As his mother liked to say, hell would consume him.
While Tul didn’t respond, he simply walked over to grab a towel and then entered the bathroom, pointing toward the large bathtub that was rarely used.
"Take off your clothes and sit there."
Tul placed Kon Hin's things in a corner while he himself removed his sports clothes, wrapping only a towel around his waist, exposing his broad chest, filled with muscles from years of intense training. He then spoke.
"Hurry up, I don’t like waiting."
Though Kon Hin disagreed, he reluctantly took off his pajamas, revealing his tan skin, which was redder than usual. He thought of two reasons for coming into this bathroom:
One... to clean up.
Two... to have sex.
The third reason, that of bathing together, was beyond his imagination.
Even if it had happened, it was so rare it could be counted on one hand. As for the image of his Chao-nai taking the trouble to wash his hair, even the wildest of fantasies had never dared to dream of it. Therefore, Kon Hin's hands clutched the towel that covered his waist tightly as he nervously sat on the step leading into the bathtub.
Was Khun Tul serious?
"Look up."
But his Chao-nai didn’t hesitate for a moment as he placed the shampoo bottle beside the tub.
"I think I’ll wash it downstairs..."
"Don’t make me say it a third time." The speaker raised an eyebrow. Though his handsome face was pleasant to look at, from his gaze, Kon Hin knew exactly what would happen if he didn’t comply. The injured man thus gave in and leaned his head back into the bathtub, tilting his face upward, his body stiff, looking as though he were about to face execution.
Tul rolled his eyes and reached out to tap his forehead.
"Close your eyes, it’ll get into them."
Kon Hin blinked several times, gazing into the golden eyes that were staring down at him, then saw the slight smile that made him quickly shut his eyes in unease.
Why is Khun Tul being so nice to me?
That was what Kon Hin wanted to ask, but he kept silent as he heard the sound of water flowing from the showerhead, splashing onto his palms, droplets hitting his face. He remained still, trembling with fear, having no idea what was going through this man’s mind.
Sssss... sssss...
"Is the water too cold?"
"No, it’s not."
Even if the water were freezing cold, he wouldn’t dare say so. Kon Hin thought to himself.
However, the water that hit his head was just the right temperature, as if it had been tested beforehand. It flowed down onto his scalp, the shower head swaying back and forth, soaking his entire head, then large hands gently ruffled his hair, sweeping the dark strands back behind him with a light touch.
"Good thing your wound isn’t on the top of your head."
Kon Hin's wound was just above his eyebrow, so it wasn’t an issue for washing his hair.
Once his hair was completely wet, Khun Tul turned off the water. The scent of expensive shampoo, so different from his own cheap one, enveloped his scalp as Khun Tul gently massaged with hands that had once hurt him, but now were soft enough to make his heart race.
He didn’t understand why Khun Tul was doing this.
The thoughts of someone who had clasped his hands together, though the warm water, fragrant shampoo, and gentle palms should have been soothing, instead made his heart feel heavier. Fear overwhelmed him, and more than that... fear of becoming emotional.
At this point, Kon Hin had already given everything to Khun Tul. If this was an attempt to win his favor, he would say it wasn’t necessary. Whether his Chao-nai was as evil as a demon or as kind as an angel, he would still give both his body and soul.
"You look surprised." Perhaps it was because Kon Hin had furrowed his brow too much that Khun Tul asked, his voice tinged with a laugh, making Kon Hin quickly respond.
"Khun Tul, you shouldn’t lower yourself to do this for me."
Thud!
The palm that had been massaging his hair to create suds paused. A heavy silence filled the bathroom, and Kon Hin broke into a cold sweat, feeling as though he were awaiting a death sentence. But then Khun Tul moved his hand again, gently rubbing his scalp, and followed it with warm water trickling from his temple, washing the shampoo foam away.
In the bathroom, the only sound was the water flowing, breaking the suffocating silence.
Kon Hin didn’t even dare to swallow.
Closing his eyes made his wild, fearful imagination run rampant. Not hearing Khun Tul’s voice made his thoughts spiral further into anxiety.
He loves me.
Kon Hin felt as if this hair-washing was lasting an eternity, far longer than it really was. It felt like a year before he finally heard the sound of the shower being turned off. He slowly opened his eyes, intending not to disturb his Chao-nai any further, but that plan shattered when...
Grab.
Opening his eyes, he found himself staring into sharp eyes and meeting lips that pressed against his forehead.
Kon Hin froze, unable to move. His eyes widened, and he saw the sharp gaze pull away, looking at him with a steely intensity.
"Don't ever say the words 'lower yourself' from your mouth again."
Tul’s voice was even more intense than his gaze.
Then the warm lips pressed down again, this time not on his forehead, but on...
The lips, the tip of the tongue licking both the upper and lower lips, were sweet yet profound, causing Kon Hin to tremble. Then, Tul cupped both sides of his face, sliding his tongue inside and skillfully twirling it.
Alternating with deep, forceful kisses, Kon Hin found himself unable to brace himself. Yet his body, so familiar with this intense heat, could only... part his lips to accept it willingly.
Even though his heart was both confused and bewildered.
Khun Tul, I’m more afraid of you like this than when you hurt me.
Kon Hin thought in fear, but the intensity of the kiss caused his hands to unconsciously slide down to caress Tul’s strong neck. He could tell from the low groan escaping Tul’s lips that his Chao-nai was enjoying it, and the kiss grew even hotter.
Meanwhile, Tul’s large hands continued to stroke Kon Hin’s wet head, while his other hand traced from his fingertips up to his forearm, shoulder, neck, and finally stopped at Kon Hin’s cheek.
He forced Kon Hin to receive the hot touch, tilting in again and again until the sounds of the kiss echoed through the bathroom.
Finally, Tul slowly pulled away, and they both gasped for air, a thin stream of water still connecting them.
Kon Hin took small breaths as Tul rested his forehead against his.
"You’re more than you think, you damn stone."
Kon Hin didn’t answer, only closing his eyes, soaking in the rare tenderness with a heart full of fear.
If all one has ever known is pain, they wouldn’t seek anything else. When it’s replaced by tenderness though, he fears becoming addicted, unable to break free.
After the nerve-wracking hair wash ended, the large bathtub became the stage, supporting two men sitting with their backs against opposite sides. The only sound that filled the air was the warm water lapping against the edges of the tub, and Kon Hin hardly dared to move.
He lowered his gaze, not daring to look at the man sitting with his arms resting on the edge of the tub across from him.
Anyone who saw his young Chao-nai now would surely fall for him instantly.
A tall, handsome figure, naked under the warm water. His dark hair was soaked and framed his face. His powerful brown eyes added to his allure. Then with his god-like physique, casually reclining, using one hand to brush back his hair, Kon Hin wouldn’t be surprised if women were willing to throw themselves at him just to witness this sight.
As for the one seeing it, unembellished and raw like Kon Hin, he could only look away.
It wasn’t from being shy to the point of madness, but from sheer fear.
Kon Hin drew his knees close to his chest, only looking at the tips of his toes rubbing together beneath the water.
He didn’t understand the kiss earlier. He didn’t understand his Chao-nai’s words. He didn’t understand the actions that seemed to imply that he was valuable.
Kon Hin didn’t understand anything.
Don’t say you’re lowering yourself.
If that’s the case, what should all these actions be called? Washing his hair, the gentle touches, the sweet words, and the invitation to bathe together. His heart was filled with confusion, but he didn’t dare to ask outright. He only sat stiffly, his head bowed and eyes lowered.
Huff!
Suddenly, P'Tul grabbed his leg until his shin was pressed against Kon Hin's leg, making Kon Hin jump.
"Heh, heh... Why are you tensing up? You’re acting like I’ve never bathed with you before."
When he looked up, he saw P'Tul's golden-brown eyes staring directly at him. His sharp, chiseled face was still tilted as it rested against his arm, which was propped up on the edge of the tub. Kon Hin quickly averted his gaze again.
P'Tul was too charming. The more playful he looked than usual, the more Kon Hin felt unable to look him in the eye.
As for the matter of bathing together, if it was when they were children, yes, they had bathed together. But now that they were older, the phrase bathing together always seemed to carry an entirely different meaning.
"May I get out now?" After thinking too much and getting a headache, Kon Hin thought it was probably time to get out.
"Not yet. I’m not done."
This time, his close friend fell silent, wanting to point out that P’Tul was probably referring to himself, but the sharp look in those eyes made it clear that it was not something to be questioned twice. Kon Hin could only rub his hands together on his knees, not knowing what to do. The way P'Tul lifted the corner of his mouth with a relaxed expression made it seem like he was teasing him.
"That kid is about to be sent back, you know?"
Suddenly, P'Tul broke the silence, causing Kon Hin to look up again, only to find him with a casual expression.
"Tinn?" he asked.
"Heh, who else would it be? After causing such trouble, his overprotective mother rushed to send her son abroad, didn’t she?"
Kon Hin looked embarrassed, feeling as though it was his own fault. If he hadn’t gone to the bathroom and had stayed with Khun Tinn the entire time, things might not have turned out so badly.
However, it seemed that Tul didn’t think that way, as he spoke with a tone of extreme satisfaction.
“Good, it would be nice if he could just go far away.”
Because Khun Tul doesn’t want to soften toward Khun Tinn, right?
Kon Hin still believed that, for Tul, the only younger brother was the most important. The surrounding circumstances forced Tul to show hatred toward the boy who came to take everything though. Then Hin didn’t dare speak because Kon Hin also feared the other party’s anger. After receiving such gentle touches, he didn’t want to see him angry even more.
“Is that so?” Kon Hin replied softly, feeling uncomfortable.
Tul lowered his hand from the armrest, looking at the gloomy expression with a little displeasure, and then sighed.
“Come here.”
Tul called, making the listener furrow his brows.
“Hmm?”
“Sit here, quickly.” The one giving orders pointed to where Kon Hin’s seat was... between his legs.
Kon Hin’s eyes widened at the position, staring at the broad chest and the legs spread apart, waiting for him to lean there in a way he hadn’t expected. No, this was beyond fantasy—it was far beyond that, so far that he couldn’t keep up. And it seemed like the shock on his close companion’s face pleased Khun Tul, as a handsome smile appeared on his sharp face.
Splash!
The water in the basin splashed violently when the tall figure stood up and moved to the other side by himself.
“Move over.”
Khun Tul ordered, sitting beside Kon Hin and wrapping his arms around his waist. He spread his legs wide to allow Kon Hin to lean back into him. His lips curled into an amused smile as he looked at the person in his embrace, stiff in his arms, feeling a mix of affection and amusement. Thoughts of his younger brother flew out of his mind.
If you were to ask Khun Tul why he was doing this, he wouldn’t have an answer. He simply wanted to do it. The more he looked at the cut on Kon Hin’s eyebrow, the more he wanted to pull him into a tight hug.
As he thought this, Khun Tul tightened his embrace and buried his face in the back of the still stiff person in his arms.
“Khun Tul, I think...”
Kon Hin’s voice faltered, shy and stammering, and Khun Tul asked playfully:
"What do you think my dearest Khun Mother would look like if she saw me hugging you?"
Kon Hin turned to him in shock, his face drained of color, and Khun Tul immediately knew that his close companion was imagining the worst possible scenario. He looked at the open mouth, wanting to kiss it, especially when Kon Hin licked the water droplets helplessly, shaking his head vigorously.
His gaze hardened.
“I won’t let anyone see you like this, Khun Tul.”
The expression and the look in his eyes that showed he would protect him.
Whether it was when he was a powerless child or when he had grown up to a similar size, Kon Hin was always ready to give his life for him.
It had always been like this. Even when his grandmother hit him or his stepmother scolded him, if it was about Tul, Kon Hin never hesitated, never feared. Even if his face was covered in tears, even if his leg was hurt from being hit, Kon Hin would rush to his side, holding his hand to show that he was there, not going anywhere.
He never cared about his own matters, which is why Tul asked further.
“And if it happens, what will you do?”
“Let me say that I made Khun Tul do this. Khun Tul agreed to do as I said because I threatened to demand compensation for the damages caused by Khun Tinn making my head split open,” Kon Hin immediately justified himself, just like many years ago, when Tul pushed Khun Yaa down the stairs.
At that time, Tul was terrified, almost losing his mind, but Kon Hin only thought about how to get Tul out of trouble. He even thought about taking the blame entirely upon himself, insisting that he was the one who pushed Khun-than down, not Tul. The answer was in Tul’s eyes, dark as night, gazing steadily into the determination that had never wavered. The more they were together, the more Tul could see how much Kon Hin wanted to protect him.
Grab.
Before he knew it, Tul hugged Kon Hin tightly, his sharp eyes still focused on the white gauze on his brow.
“Do you know something?”
Kon Hin remained silent, and Tul lowered his head to rest his face on his shoulder.
“Sometimes, I realize too late.”
Tul closed his eyes, recalling the feeling when he found out that Kon Hin had been injured. His hands clenched tightly together, forcing out a sound similar to a growl.
“I will never let anyone interfere with you. I will never let anyone create wounds on your body. The only one who can do that is me. You are mine and mine alone. No one has the right to touch you, like this!”
As Kon Hin felt the ground tremble, the proclamation that only Tul could do anything to him made the beating heart in his chest shake violently.
Why was he so happy, even though his Chao-nai had just said that he would be the only one to make him suffer?
You’re happy because Khun Tul is telling you that you are special.
Kon Hin thought in a way he shouldn’t have, but it had already happened, and his heart swelled. He trembled even more when Tul moved in to press a kiss on his brow.
“Remember this well.”
“Yes.”
And Kon Hin answered willingly.
Sometimes, the one who is beyond saving may not be his Chao-nai, but him. It wasn’t that Khun Tul was cruel. Perhaps it was him who liked the pain that Khun Tul brought upon him alone. No, it might not just be liking it—perhaps he loved it, if he were the only one granted this privilege.
This was the thought of the one who unconsciously leaned into his Chao-nai.
~~~
A week passed quickly. Kon Hin no longer needed to go to the hospital to clean his wounds, while Tinn had just been sent abroad a few days ago, much to his displeasure. He swept his gaze over everyone before it landed on his true older brother.
The look that Kon Hin saw at that moment was full of resentment, complaints, and sorrow that his older brother did not fly to see him off as usual.
The person who only told his younger brother...
"If Tinn understands and acknowledges what he did wrong, then I will stop being angry."
Khun Tul knew well how much pain those words must have caused his younger brother, because Tul was the only one Tinn trusted, the only one who thought he would believe his younger brother.
No matter how right or wrong, this time, the older brother spoke as if Tinn were someone else, pushing him so far away, to a different continent. That made the younger Khun-chai’s eyes filled with sorrow. However, his stubbornness made him, who had always been pampered, just turn and march away, disappearing through the exit door, saying that he would not accept any blame, as if he believed his older brother would chase after him to make amends, believing that his older brother would eventually stop being angry.
That was wrong though.
Tinn had no idea that this would be the last time he would see his older brother as an older brother.
When Tinn Metthanun returned to Thailand again, that would be the day the bond between the two brothers was permanently severed.
After Tinn left, the mansion fell into silence, because even though the younger Khun-chai had just gone far away, it didn’t mean that the biological mother had to be gloomy. Khun Yingrasa immediately went to work after sending her son off, while the father was so preoccupied with work that he didn’t even show his face to see his son off properly.
Thus, the night without the thundering sound of Tinn's gaming made the entire house eerily silent.
When night fell, the workers would return to the small house unless someone from the big house called for them. The whole house then belonged to Tul, who was standing, gazing at the stillness with eyes that were indifferent—eyes that Kon Hin truly did not know what his Chao-nai was thinking. Was he pleased? Displeased? Or was he sad?
"It's so damn quiet, don't you think?" The mixed-heritage young man asked, walking into the empty guest room, where the only worker who had not yet returned to the small house answered quietly.
"Yes, it's so quiet it’s unsettling."
"Really?" Tul made a sound in his throat.
"But I like it. There’s no evil old woman, no foolish stepmother, no unfeeling father, no younger brother blocking my sight. There’s no one here that I hate."
"Then aren't you lonely, Khun Tul?"
Kon Hin wanted to ask this, but feared it would only make the other angry, so he remained silent. He looked at the tall figure moving towards the large grand piano in the middle of the house—a piano that Tul had not touched for a long time, since the last time he performed for the family’s guests.
It was this very piano that gave Tul the opportunity to debut as the eldest son of the Metthanun household.
Tul may have once been kept from his true identity by his grandmother, hiding the fact that he was her real grandson. However, when his talents began to emerge, one of them being his musical ability that allowed him to skip grades with ease, including winning a youth competition, it was this that gave Tul the chance to introduce himself.
The day the guests got to know Tul was the day his elder simply brought out something to show off... the grandson who won the competition.
The significance of Tul that day was only that of Ornamental Prestige.
The elder Khun-chai had stopped playing the piano ever since the grandmother fell down the stairs. Now, Tul was sitting before it, pulling off the cover that had barely been touched, opening the lid, pulling the key cloth away, and placing his fingertips on the instrument that he both loved and hated.
Then, the fingertips began to play.
The image that Kon Hin could only watch was the wide back, no longer the back of a child who had just begun to play, but the back of a man who was about to possess everything. But was he truly happy? Compared to the day when someone wanted him to play, and today, when he played without an audience, which was better?
Hin felt that this back was terribly lonely.
Then, Symphony No. 5 echoed throughout the great hall—both forceful and filled with emotion. It made Kon Hin feel only... afraid.
This was the violence inside the Chao-nai’s heart.
Kon Hin thought, then lowered his head, unable to look at the empty back of the person who expressed his feelings through the music. The piano keys were pressed down with full force—no sweetness, no gentleness—only a touch that seemed as though it would shatter the instrument to pieces. And...
Thud!
The final sound slammed down all at once before the player turned back.
Amidst the silence that still hummed from the music that had played earlier, the two sets of eyes met, and Tul spoke in a chilling tone, as if answering Kon Hin’s earlier question about the house being eerily quiet.
"I... only need you."
Even if the whole house were empty, just Kon Hin was enough.
This caused the listener to freeze, unable to speak or move, with only the stillness of their eyes locked together, conveying the multitude of emotions that only they understood.
The pain that was our secret.
I am necessary for you, aren’t I, Khun Tul?
Perhaps this thought eased the fear, and the corners of his lips nearly lifted, if it weren't for...
The phone in Tul’s pocket let out a screeching ring, causing them both to pause. The owner of the phone then pulled it out, and the one who had just said he needed only one person in his life now stared at it coldly.
The name that appeared on the screen... Napawadi.
The woman who had entered a life that had once only known Pathapee.
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