Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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“Woof woof woof woof! Woof!!!” Ruthless barked.
“Okay, okay! I know! I know, Ruthless! I know you are happy! But your body is not that of a small dog, you know!” Graphic said.
“Whine whine! Woof! Woof woof!” Ruthless whined and barked.
Graphic had just gotten out of the car when the very strong large dog ran and jumped on him until he almost choked. Then the extremely disobedient Ruthless jumped and scrambled up to his chest, making the young man step back several steps, leaning back against the car door, while the extremely happy dog tried to lick his hands and face, barking unlike the well-mannered dog he used to be, until he could only extend both hands to hug its body.
“Ruthless must be very happy, Khun Graphic. He has been sitting waiting for Khun Graphic in front of the house every day,” a maid said.
“Aunt Kaew!” Graphic said.
The handsome young man looked up immediately, looking at the head housekeeper who was wiping her tears. But he could not escape the dog's paws as Ruthless was still trying to demand attention, until he had to pat its head gently.
“Enough, you! Yes, I know you miss me! Enough!!!” Graphic said.
“Woof woof woof!” Ruthless barked.
Still, the large dog did not listen, showing how happy it was to see its owner in this house. Because even though it had gotten to visit its owner at the other house, it was not the same as the owner returning to it here. And it hoped that he would return every day, play together every day, and sleep in the same room as before.
Ruthless missed its owner so much that it told itself that if the owner returned, it would obey every command, would stop being disobedient like before. Therefore, when this sound rang out...
“Sit!!!” Pakin commanded.
The large police dog dropped itself to sit on its two hind legs, looking up as if asking if it would get a reward now. That made Graphic's eyes widen.
“Hey! You listen to him!” Graphic exclaimed.
Before this, I wasn't disobedient, owner. It's just that you liked to yell at me until I got lazy to obey, Ruthless might have said if it could talk.
If Ruthless could speak, it would have said it to his face. But now it could only pant with its tongue hanging out, letting the two white hands rub its head vigorously until it closed its eyes happily with contentment.
Once the large dog agreed to be still, it was Graphic's turn to turn to the head housekeeper who was waiting with red eyes.
“Aunt Kaew,” Graphic said, stepping to stand in front of her, looking at the elderly woman who was smiling through tears. Then she reached out to stroke his cheek gently.
“My dear, my dear, you have come back. Finally, an end to suffering and sorrow. I am so happy to see you return here again,” Aunt Kaew said.
Thump.
“I missed you too, Aunt,” Graphic said.
Graphic was not someone who got along well with older people, because everyone liked to say he was an evil-person with bad manners. Only this woman had been fond of him since the first day he stepped into this house, taking care of him in every way, being his companion on days when the other owner did not come home, waking him for school every day. And even though he complained to her, the young man respected this woman more than his own biological Mâe. Therefore, the youth who did not know how to be affectionate with anyone rushed to hug the other tightly.
The hug that Aunt Kaew also did not expect, but she sent both hands to hug his back, stroking gently comfortingly.
“Do you know that I was so worried I almost went crazy?” Aunt Kaew asked.
“I know. I know you were worried about me,” Graphic said. The listener believed that the other was truly worried about him, until he hugged tighter, absorbing the warmth of the few people who loved him. And this warmth made his eyes well up with tears.
My heart is breaking... my heart is breaking terribly. This will be the first and last time I get to hug Aunt Kaew, Graphic thought.
This thought made him want to cry, but everyone looking over just thought the young man was very happy.
Right now, no one knew about Graphic's decision. Only Janjao and his biological Mâe knew.
Even this person did not know.
“Graphic,” Win said.
“Phîi Win, when did you return?” Graphic asked.
The young man released the hug, turning to look at the young model who had his hair cut shorter than before, but it suited his perfect facial structure.
“A few days ago. I was planning to visit you. This is good. Are you moving back now?” Win asked.
Thump.
Graphic froze immediately, his wide smile fading a little, until Phawit raised an eyebrow slightly, turned to look at his older cousin who said nothing, and then his lips lifted into an amused smile.
“The youth probably is not hard to coax, but it seems the great person has no ability,” Win said.
Win had learned from people in the house that his Phîi had come to his senses, which took so long it made him angry dozens of times. He had also started coaxing the stubborn youth, but he did not think that even though he had not been in Thailand for so long, upon returning, he still had not succeeded in coaxing him, until he became unsure whether the youth was hard to coax or the adult was truly incompetent.
“Hee, say whatever you want,” Pakin said.
Pakin only said that, watching the slender figure hugging that person, greeting this person, and even letting the dog lick his face. But with him... he had not agreed to talk since he picked him up from home.
At least Graphic agreed to come here, and he hoped that he would agree to move back soon.
“Now that the cast is off, you look much better,” Win said.
“So much freer, Phîi. Wearing a cast like that was extremely torturous,” Graphic said. The worldly siblings began asking about each other's well-being, walking into the house together with Aunt Kaew asking eagerly along the way.
“Is there anything special Khun Graphic would like to eat? I will cook with all my skill,” Aunt Kaew asked.
“Anything is fine. Aunt Kaew's cooking is delicious in everything. I also missed the food from your hands...” The young man fell silent for a moment, before smiling widely. “And I will probably miss it for a long time.”
“Please do not say that. Khun Graphic can come eat here every day. If Khun Graphic is angry at Khun Pakin, then be angry, but you must come here,” Aunt Kaew said.
The homeowner was already silent, watching the head housekeeper who dared to speak like this in front of him, but he let it go. The young man laughed out loud, looking satisfied to see that the homeowner had no allies left, while everyone surrounded the recently recovered person, walking together.
Finally, Pakin could only turn to look at the ruthless one who was still sitting in the same position.
“So it is just you and me left...” Pakin said.
“Hey, Ruthless! Will you sit there much longer? Come here!!” Before Pakin could even finish, the person in the house shouted loudly. The large dog, which was afraid of him to the point of whitening, whined in response, then did not even turn to look at him, running with its tail wagging after its owner into the house, leaving only the real homeowner standing stunned, and then heaving a long sigh.
In the end, it seemed he had no allies left.
“Sigh, whatever. If he can smile,” Pakin said.
Pakin shook his head slowly, slipped into the car to put it away himself, because it seemed that even the driver, the gardener, the workers, or even the cook would be around the youth who liked to think that no one loved him, but made everyone in this house love him completely.
Not just the workers in the house, even the homeowner himself had fallen into the pit no differently.
I love you, Pakin thought.
This was the truth that the young man told himself he would do everything until he got the stubborn youth back.
“Khun Graphic, do you need help?” a maid asked.
“It is okay. I can do it... Hey, Ruthless! Stop right now!!!” Graphic said.
After reassuring everyone in the house that he was fully recovered, and also eating lunch until completely full (because the head housekeeper would not let him leave the table easily), the young man named Krittitee wanted to digest a bit. And what better way to exert energy than to bathe the dog?
A fully grown dog weighing over 40 kilograms.
Ruthless did not really like bathing. So, bathing the dog was quite a difficult task.
If others bathed it, it would bare its teeth as if challenging them to come closer. But if it was its beloved owner, it would stay still and let him spray water on it. But when he turned away... it ran.
It ran to roll in the dirt it had dug up. Therefore, the wet dog's body got dirty with soil until it became mud, making Graphic exclaim loudly, pointing and scolding without caring if this was his beloved dog or not.
“If you do not come back home right now!” Graphic threatened.
“Ruthless, come here,” Pakin said.
The threat from the willful youth ended, and it became the turn of the person who stood watching with crossed arms. Pakin frowned sharply and called the ruthless one in a strong voice. The dog, which was afraid of its owner to the point of shrinking, turned to look, whined, and then walked back with its neck down to continue bathing. That made Graphic pout even more.
“Yes, I am your owner too. You do not listen to me at all,” Graphic said.
“It is because you do not scold it,” Pakin said.
“I did scold it!” Graphic said.
Actually, he did not really want to converse with the homeowner, especially after the incident of leaving his friend at the hospital. It was good that Janjao was not angry, but frankly, he was extremely resentful. If possible, he did not want to talk to him, but he truly could not help arguing.
“How did you scold it? I only saw you shouting at it. I did not see you scold it at all,” Pakin said.
Oh, and how is shouting at it different from scolding? Graphic thought.
The young man made a face like that, making the viewer laugh in his throat. He did not want to say that it was not just the dog that was not afraid; no one was afraid of him at all. His manner of complaining but not taking action was like that. But he did not want to tell the youth to become more resentful, so he asked about another matter.
“Do you need help bathing it?” Pakin asked.
“No need. It is my dog. I can bathe it,” Graphic said, insisting firmly. Then he went back to applying the dog shampoo, lathering it all over its body, which looked nothing like bathing a dog, more like using himself as a sponge to scrub it because the shampoo stains got on his hair, and his clothes were completely soaked.
Not only that.
Splash splash splash.
“Hey, you shit-lizard dog!” There, the person who said he scolded could only curse when Ruthless managed to shake its fur vigorously until the shampoo foam scattered everywhere, and it splashed into his eyes, making Graphic quickly let go, look up at the sky, and blink rapidly.
Thump.
“Are you okay?” Pakin asked.
Pakin rushed in quickly, holding his chin to make him look up, to look into one eye that was starting to turn red from the stinging.
“I am fine... let go,” Graphic said. He was angry at himself that his voice became faint and weak, his heart beating irregularly with the warm touch on his chin. And he was even more stunned when the large man in front of him took off his T-shirt and used the hem to gently wipe his eyes.
“It is not fine at all. Stay still.... Like that, good youth,” Pakin said.
I hate it when he calls me that! Graphic thought.
The young man could only stand stiffly when the other's face was only a little away, not to mention the soft, deep voice calling him a good youth. It brought back the last memory of being called a good youth... the day he was sick in bed and someone told him to be a good youth and wait.
Stressed, it made tears well up, washing away the shampoo stains, letting the other intently wipe with a serious expression.
“Does it still sting?” Pakin asked.
“N...no, it is fine,” Graphic said, his voice faint and weak. He looked at the sharp profile that was close, and then was the one to avoid eye contact. Pakin also became aware.
He was so overwhelmed with concern that he almost hugged this youth already.
The attractive face became wet with water droplets, the hair falling down framing the face, making the viewer unable to resist. The fingertips that were carefully wiping the shampoo stains moved to touch his cheek, stroking with longing and great missing. The sharp face leaned down, the target being the beautiful colored lips that he wanted to taste again. But...
“Phîi... don't...” Graphic whispered.
Kiss.
The target changed to both eyelids when the trembling, choked voice whispered because Pakin would not force anymore. If this youth said no, he would agree to stop. That made Graphic press his lips together, feeling his whole body tremble from the light kiss pressed on his eyelids.
“It does not hurt anymore, good youth,” Pakin said.
Graphic hated himself for longing for the warm embrace that pulled away, while the large figure turned to grab the water hose, whistling to call the dog, until it ran with its body sleek and smooth to come to rinse the shampoo clean.
The action made the young man touch the left side of his chest.
Did I make the right decision? Graphic thought.
It was correct. If he still stayed here, he would never be able to cut his feelings. But if he went to live far away, in a new environment, he might forget one day... the heartless-person who even now had not said he loved him, had not even said in what capacity he wanted to coax him back.
No more. Just a bed partner.
If he truly loved him, he would not have left him alone when he most wanted to see him. On the day the stubborn youth was willing to be hurt for this man, where did he go? And coming back now was probably just being forced by someone like always.
That is all there is to it, Graphic, Graphic thought.
“So, who is bathing whom exactly? Both the person and the dog are equally wet,” Pakin said.
“Well, I have never bathed Ruthless before,” Graphic said.
In the end, the person who declared he would bathe the dog himself was smeared all over with mud, water, and shampoo until he was unpresentable, making Aunt Kaew run to get a towel for him and insist that he must hurry to bathe. Not only that, she also took him to the same room he used to sleep in, not the guest room... the homeowner's room.
The homeowner, who was equally wet, was begged by the head housekeeper to please bathe together, both of them.
Graphic wanted to ask why, with dozens of rooms in this house, they had to be herded to bathe in the same one. But he was too lazy to make an issue, not wanting anyone to say he was being too prudish, especially since before this they had been together until everyone knew, had been sick how many times, had the doctor check how many times. It was just bathing together.
“Then learn to save some for next time so you can bathe it,” Pakin said.
If there is a next time, Graphic thought.
The young man fell silent immediately, trying to hide all his emotions as deeply as possible, then took off his T-shirt over his head, intending to leave only his boxers like when the other helped him bathe. But when he turned back again...
“Why did you take everything off!” Graphic exclaimed.
The strong, robust body, naked in every part, was right in front of him, and that made his voice stronger, until the person who was raising his hands to rub his head answered with a straight face.
“Who wears clothes when bathing?” Pakin asked.
“I do,” Graphic said.
“Only when someone helps you bathe. Normally, I see you take everything off,” Pakin said.
The word "normally" made him remember the many times they had bathed together, but Graphic still insisted on wearing only his boxers. When he saw the other about to walk into the shower area, he walked to the bathtub, intending to bathe quickly and get out. But...
“I will bathe with you,” Pakin said.
“Then you go bathe in your own area!” Graphic said.
“The shower is broken,” Pakin said.
I will die believing that, Graphic thought.
The young man, who had lowered himself to sit in the tub, looked up, his hand gripping the showerhead he had pulled from the tub tightly, looking at the person who moved to sit on the edge of the tub with a displeased expression. But how could the room's owner agree to bathe alone when the stubborn youth was sitting right here?
“I will not do anything. Turn around. I will wash your hair for you,” Pakin said.
“I can wash my own hair,” Graphic said.
“Then we will just sit here arguing forever,” Pakin said.
Graphic was okay with sitting and arguing forever if he had clothes on. But here he was wearing only one piece, the other was naked, so he could only sigh in defeat, hand over the showerhead, turn his back, and then sit hugging his knees.
“Do whatever you want, Phîi. You do not listen to me anyway,” Graphic said.
The other paused, before the large hand placed on his head.
“Who says I do not listen? It is just that I want to do things for you,” Pakin said.
“Are you possessed or something?” Graphic asked.
“Mhmm, and I probably will never be unpossessed either,” Pakin said, smiling slightly, listening to the slightly sulky tone, and then started the water, pouring warm water over the thick head, letting the water flow over the white body that was even whiter from being indoors for many months, slowly lathering the shampoo most carefully to moisten the entire head.
Pakin admitted that he had never done this for anyone. He did it only for this youth.
“Keep your eyes closed. It will get in your eyes,” Pakin said.
“Mhmm,” Graphic said, replying softly because he was trying to prevent his heart from beating too loudly, afraid the other would hear its sound. But the more the two hands that only held racing car steering wheels and guns touched him gently, the less he could control anything. He only knew that his heart was relenting more and more, along with the feeling of wanting to turn around and hug the other tightly.
“Do you know that someone like you doing things like this does not suit being Phîi Pakin?” Graphic said.
“Then what is someone like me like?” Pakin asked in return, making the youth smile a little.
“Ruthless, ruthless, selfish, self-interested, greedy, does things without considering others' feelings, sees himself as supreme, sets rules for his own benefit, extremely despicable, extremely wicked, does not care if anyone dies, and would never wash the hair of an 18-year-old youth,” Graphic said.
If it were before, the listener would have been angry that he dared to criticize someone like him. But now, he just smiled. Getting to see the youth agree to talk to him made him willing to be scolded.
“That is true,” Pakin said.
“Aren't you going to argue at all?” Graphic asked.
“Why argue when it is the truth? Except for one point,” Pakin said.
“What?” Graphic asked, confident that he was right about every point until he had to lift his face, open his eyes blurrily, and meet the fierce, dark face that was now gentle like a different person, sending a hand to wipe the shampoo stains on his forehead gently.
“I do not care how anyone else dies, but I will never allow you to die,” Pakin said. The young man turned off the water, while sending a hand to place on his shoulder, pulling the person sitting in the tub to move closer, leaning down to hug him until Graphic also stiffened, and then the deep voice whispered by his ear.
“Do not do that again, Graphic. Do not make my heart almost stop beating like that again,” Pakin said.
Do not risk your life like that, Pakin thought.
The words made the young man press his lips tightly together before bowing his head.
“Why do you care? At that time, you did not care about me at all,” Graphic said.
“Who says I did not care?” Pakin said.
Slap.
The young man immediately pushed away the hand hugging his shoulders, then turned with tears in his eyes.
“Then where did you go! Where did you go when I needed you the most? You never... never visited me... never...” The young man did not want to cry in front of this person, but his tears were about to flow. Both shoulders trembled, and he could only use the back of his hand to wipe left and right with a pitiful manner, until the viewer was stunned.
“I am sorry,” Pakin said.
Pakin wanted to tell the truth that he was there every day, watching over this youth all night. But what good would it do to say it now? Saying it would sound like an excuse. If he explained that he thought of letting go because he feared danger would occur and then just realized, it would sound pitiful. Everyone would probably think that was his excuse. Therefore... the young man apologized.
“You are... selfish,” Graphic said, not knowing what to curse really, until he could only speak in a trembling voice, sobbing in his throat.
“I will not forgive you. No matter how good you are to me... no way,” Graphic said. This was not said to Pakin, but Graphic was telling himself. The listener reached out and then pulled the slender figure, who had almost no strength to resist, into an embrace.
“You were very scared then, weren't you?” Pakin asked.
“I will not let you be scared like that alone again. I am sorry,” Pakin said. The young man had no excuses other than the word sorry, as he hugged the slender figure tightly, feeling the tears that were welling up and flowing down his broad chest, like acid corroding his heart no differently.
It was his own fault for realizing it only now. If he could go back, he would stay by the bedside without leaving, holding this youth's hand, and would be the first person Graphic saw when he opened his eyes. But the young man could not go back to that time, until he could only tell himself that from now on, he would stay by his side and not let go anywhere again.
The embrace made the young man also lean in, crying out as if venting the frustration that occurred during that time.
If I had this person's embrace then, I would never have made the decision I did now, Graphic thought.
It is too late, Phîi Pakin. It is too late.
The sky had darkened, and dinner had ended hours ago. However, the handsome young man had not returned home yet, because that person called, that person sought him out. Going back and forth, he ended up being persuaded to stay here for one night. No matter how much he wanted to refuse, in the end he had to agree.
Not for the sake of the person who bathed him, but for the sake of Aunt Kaew and Phîi Win, especially the latter.
It was good that he got to sleep in the guest room.
“Or is it really because I myself also want to stay... the last night,” Graphic thought.
Graphic was not asleep yet. He was just lying with his eyes open, looking at the ceiling in the room he had not returned to sleep in for a very long time. Since moving his household registration to Phîi Pakin's room, he had hardly set foot in this guest room. He could say it was unfamiliar, both the size of the bed, the color of the walls, the pattern of the bedsheets. It was more like a hotel room than a familiar room.
But if he had to go back to sleep in that room, dream on!
Just being held until he cried was embarrassing enough!
“Sleep, Graphic. Sleep. Tomorrow I have to leave early in the morning,” the stubborn youth told himself, closing his eyes. At that moment...
Creak.
Hmph!
Graphic opened his eyes immediately when he heard the bedroom door open. He frowned, almost moving to turn on the bedside lamp if not for the familiar scent of shampoo and soap drifting in, touching the tip of his nose, until he waited to see what the other would do. He did not think that...
“Your bed is not in this room,” Graphic said.
“I sleepwalked into the wrong room,” Pakin said.
Let-me-die! Since when is Phîi Pakin this shameless! Graphic thought.
Graphic immediately turned to look at the person who slipped onto the same bed, looking at him with dark, fierce eyes that said he was displeased. But he must have forgotten that this man considered himself the center of everything, because not only did he come to sleep together, he also reached out to hug his waist with a straight face. Moreover,
“I came to look for my pillow. I have not been able to sleep for several months,” Pakin said.
“Go find one at the clubs or bars,” Graphic said, speaking without saving face. The person who moved in to hug him, ignoring the pushing force, laughed in his throat.
“I only have one pillow,” Pakin said.
“Hah, I will die believing that,” Graphic said.
“It is okay if you do not believe. I know in my heart, and that is enough,” Pakin said. Not true. The embrace, as if made of iron, hugged him tightly, until Graphic wanted to kick him, but was afraid his leg would break again if he kicked something hard, until he could only bare his teeth, speaking in a displeased tone.
“I am not your pillow anymore!” Graphic said.
“Mhmm, be whatever you want. I am going to sleep now,” Pakin said. Then the man with overwhelming power said shamelessly, burying his face in the group of hair fragrant with shampoo, closing his eyes to indicate he was really going to sleep, until the young man bit his own lip.
“Phîi Pakin!” Graphic said. “Are you really going to sleep?”
Sigh
I give up, Graphic thought.
Finally, Graphic could only sigh, knowing well that he could not fight this man for ten years, and probably could not fight him forever. Moreover, the words "last night" were engraved firmly in his heart, until he inadvertently grabbed the other's hand and squeezed it tighter, closed his eyes, and could not prevent his body from leaning towards the familiar warmth, until Pakin himself also let out a faint smile.
Then the unfamiliar bedroom became incredibly familiar when there was someone sleeping by his side, just as the person who could not sleep fell asleep easily.
Actually, it was not the bedroom that was unfamiliar, but as long as there was someone else by his side... It felt complete and was reassuring.
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