Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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“Graphic, is this really for the best?” Janjao asked.
“Mhmm. If I let it continue, I would probably fall into the same old pattern.”
“But I do not want Graphic to do this.” Janjao protested.
Inside the living room, Krittitee was sitting on the sofa, stretching his leg, which was still in a large cast, onto the glass table in front of him. On his lap was a laptop, and his eyes scanned the email that had just been replied to, while his ears listened to the soft voice of his close friend sitting cross-legged beside him.
Graphic knew his friend did not want him to do this, but he had no other choice left.
“He has been good... has he not?” Janjao asked.
“I thought you said you would not cheer for him anymore,” the young man said, turning to joke with her.
Because over a month ago, Janjao almost jumped to bite the neck of the other man who came to cause trouble for him. Now, his close friend had softened instead.
“Well, I am soft-hearted,” Janjao said. “And he has been coaxing Graphic for... almost two months now.”
Janjao spoke in a soft voice. Truly, she did not want to take the other person's side, but over the past nearly two months, that heartless-person came to see Graphic every day, took care of him, was attentive, took him to the hospital, did everything he could to make the person beside her relent, even if he was a bit scheming and cheated a little by using every possible helper.
Since he knew Graphic was soft towards Ruthless, he brought the dog every day.
However, her friend's answer made the listener look up to meet her eyes and flick a finger at her face with an overly cheerful demeanor. “See? Janjao has already softened. So how long can I remain strong? It is close, Janjao. If I do not do anything, I will agree to reconcile, and in the end, only I will be the one hurt, alone, like always,” Graphic said.
“Graphic has become stronger,” Janjao said.
When her friend said in a firm voice that his decision was for the best, the young woman with the ponytail could only bow her head in defeat, heaving a long sigh. The homeowner gave a faint smile.
“I am trying to be,” Graphic said.
Graphic was not lying. Right now, he was trying to be strong.
Everything was as Janjao said. Since the day that man declared he would return to his life, Phîi Pakin had not disappeared for a single day. If he did not come in the morning, he would come in the evening. If he had to go to the hospital, he would be the one to carry him to the car, take him to the doctor, and bring him back home. When he said he would go out, he would appear as if there was a spy telling him news all the time.
The young man said frankly that he had never received such care before. But what was more terrifying... he was getting used to it little by little, until he was afraid it would become ingrained in his heart.
If that day came, everything would return to the same cycle... this Graphic who would accept everything for that man.
He had decided when he left the hospital that it was enough. He would have enough. Moreover...
“He does not love me, Janjao,” Graphic said.
“Is Graphic sure?” Janjao asked. The question made the slender figure meet her gaze and smile, but it was tinged with sadness.
“Because he has never said it,” Graphic said. “I will not hope anymore, Janjao. I will not assume things. If I stay here, I will keep waiting and will never have the day I can move on... If I can move on, I will hurry back and ask to be your bride.”
The moon girl could only make a big X with her arms at the teasing words that would never come true. For them, it might be more than friends, but it was not romantic partners. It was something deeper than that.
Janjao thought that if her friend wanted to take her as a substitute for someone, she would agree. Because being with this lonely friend for life did not sound scary at all, compared to having to suffer from loving someone unknown in the future.
Her friend's story taught her that love was not just a beautiful thing, but it had pain she did not want to touch.
“But I still do not want Graphic to go,” Janjao said.
“There, there, do not be fussy,” Graphic said.
“I am not being fussy at all,” Janjao said. The person who said she was not fussy had teary eyes already. She pursed her lips, gritted her teeth, and her eyes were glistening, until the handsome young man spread both his arms open.
“Come here, I will lend you my chest,” Graphic said.
“Just this, and I am already an easy woman coming to see a man every day,” Janjao said.
“Then no hug?” Graphic raised his eyebrows at his friend, until the easy-hearted one puffed her cheeks a little but moved in to hug her friend tightly, and was rocked gently as if the young woman were just a little girl.
“I will hug you. I will hug Graphic tightly,” Janjao said.
“How many chances in life does one get to hug a handsome person?” The one being hugged tried to speak cheerfully to make the listener smile amusedly, stroking her close friend's soft hair comfortingly.
“No more crying, okay? If you cry today, you are forbidden to cry on that day,” Graphic said.
“How can you forbid it? On that day, I will prepare buckets of tears and just let it all out,” the young woman could only whisper softly, closing her eyes, burying her face in her friend's warm chest... Since when had Janjao felt that this chest had become so strong, when before he used to hug her so pitifully.
In just a few months, Graphic had grown up, not just in his thoughts, but in the atmosphere around him.
The two close friends would probably have kept hugging like that if not for the person who was late today standing with a furrowed brow at the door frame.
“What are you doing?” Pakin asked.
Pakin admitted that the image of the two young people hugging each other closely displeased him, until he wanted to pull them apart, even though he knew he still had no right. Now, no matter who Graphic hugged, the young man was still just an outsider, so he could only sigh and step in, hoping they would be considerate and separate for once.
However. “I hate you!” Janjao exclaimed.
What the!
The listener froze mid-step when the young woman, who seemed to have become more friendly with him, blurted out loudly, pushing herself out of the other person's embrace and turning to confront him, even though she held tightly to the sofa armrest as a bulletproof shield. Her large, glistening eyes stared at him as if she wanted to kill him.
“You have a bad personality! You are a heartless-person! It is all because of you!” Janjao said.
“Do you know that if we met on the street, I would have ordered you taken away?” Pakin said, suppressing his anger with a strong voice.
“Do not try to threaten me! Janjao is not afraid!” Janjao said. But the one who was not afraid shrank back behind the sofa, using only her eyes to stare accusingly at him. The glances they exchanged seemed more like condemnation.
“The reason I do not do it is for the sake of that-brat,” Pakin said. “If it were anyone else messing with my person, I would have caught them and thrown them all away.”
Thump.
Graphic, who was sitting and listening to today's main event, froze when he heard clearly with both ears... my person.
“Who is your person? Do not be arrogant. I will not allow it!” Janjao said, having caught it no differently. So she spoke in a displeased tone, spreading her arms out, fully protecting the other person. That made the young man in a suit, who was intimidating the small young woman until she looked no different from a mouse, step forward, pressuring until the one who feared no one turned pale.
“Are you sure about what you just said?” Pakin asked.
“Y...yes!” Janjao said.
“Heh,” Pakin said.
Yikes, that is so scary!
The young woman was almost completely shrinking back. She said that before, she was not afraid because her emotions were full of concern for her friend, and the other party did not seem to care about her attitude either. But now, facing the ruthless, fierce eyes that showed a hint of warning, her heart beat rapidly.
No, she was not captivated by his handsomeness... It was pure fear of death.
“If you came here to threaten my friend, then please leave,” Graphic said.
Thump.
The person with overwhelming power was almost victorious again, if not for the young man looking up to meet his eyes. Speaking just one sentence made the very large man heave a heavy sigh, willingly turning his face away from the small woman, indicating... he would stop for her.
“Yes, yes, chill. Which way you came from, go back that way,” Janjao said.
Pakin was not someone who liked to bully women, but with this youth was a real exception.
“So, what were you playing at?” Pakin asked, changing the subject. His sharp eyes turned to the laptop, not noticing that the homeowner flinched slightly. But before he could see what was left open on it...
Snap.
“Did no one teach the great mafia that snooping on other people's computers is bad manners?” the young woman with the clear face quickly reached out to close the lid, making the great mafia roll his eyes to the sky, suppressing the urge to take this young woman and intimidate her until she stopped interfering with him, which would be even better.
“And has no one ever taught you that you should not speak to an older person like this?” Pakin asked.
“They did,” Janjao said.
“But Janjao's Phîi said you only have to respect people who are respectable.”
Do not let this youth meet Win, or I will have a headache times two, Pakin thought.
That one, even if he did not speak, smiled smugly every time he stepped out of the house. Sometimes he muttered, “When he was a youth, he waited for you to coax him but you did not go. Serves you right.”
Pakin was deciding whether to throw his cousin back home or send him back to Korea so he would stop interfering in his life. But he probably could not, since Win himself still lingered around as long as he still had a close person named Panchai.
“So why are you here? Do you have nothing to do?” Pakin asked.
“I am free,” Janjao said. “My tutoring course is finished. Janjao is free until the semester starts.”
“Since you asked my friend, I want to ask you,” Graphic said. “Why do you come every day? Do you have no work to do? Or does one job have enough profit to last the whole year?” Graphic himself interjected, staring at the person who came every single day, his tone full of sarcasm. The listener lifted the corner of his mouth in a smile, laughed in his throat, and then nodded.
“One job can last a lifetime and can also support one stubborn youth,” Pakin said.
Thump.
Suddenly, silence enveloped the entire room for a moment, until the excess one, Janjao, wished she could disappear, could only shrink back to sit as before and stare at the flowers in the vase as if they were something strangely extraordinary. This was in contrast to the homeowner's son, who was silently meeting the visitor's gaze, then smiled.
“I do not need it,” Graphic said. “Take your money to support someone else... Will you stay for dinner tonight, Janjao?”
“Ah, uh-huh, I was planning to freeload anyway, hehe,” Janjao said.
At the end of the sentence, Graphic turned to ask his close friend, who gave a dry smile and nodded vigorously, also glancing fearfully at the other person who was standing still. But it seemed that stubborn youth was not afraid at all. On the contrary... Graphic truly meant it.
The large figure secretly sighed, looking at the profile of the person who refused to turn and meet his eyes, truly not knowing what to do next.
He thought he had tried every way, but the youth who used to listen to him was stronger than he thought.
Just when he seemed to open up, the next day he would close himself off again, over and over, until it was frustrating. But he did not think of giving up. As they say, a mere two months could not compare to what he had done over ten years.
Ten years? If the youth let him coax him, he would coax him for the entire ten years. Let us see who would soften first.
The thoughts of a man who got whatever he wanted, but everything he got did not come from idle thinking. He would take action and would dedicate himself until he got what he wanted.
This time was no different.
“Yay! Finally got the cast off!”
“Are you mistaken? The one who got the cast off is that person, not us.”
“Is it wrong for Janjao to be happy for her friend?”
“It is not wrong. I just wonder why it concerns you, and then why you followed.”
“You are the same! Why did you come with us!”
“Heh, at least I am useful.”
“Heeyah!”
The patient was getting accustomed to the war between the two people of different ages. He did not understand why the man, who with just a glance made people afraid and shrink back, would waste time arguing with a tiny woman. Normally, if he was displeased, the great one would have walked far away and left him to return by himself. But then again, these days it was a coaxing promotion.
Enough, Graphic. If you think too much, you will relent. Do you want to be hurt repeatedly? Graphic thought.
Be strong for once. The cause of the war was nothing else... today the young man would be free from the cast.
The three-month period of suffering with the hard cast that he could not scratch, could not get wet, and was unbearably itchy, was over. The doctor had just removed the leg cast as the last one, after removing the arm cast the week before. Graphic could say that he could not stand the smell very much.
If it smells this rotten without getting wet, I do not want to imagine the condition if it got wet, Graphic thought.
“Can you walk?” Pakin asked.
“I can. It is just not used to it,” Graphic said.
“Then come here,” Pakin said.
Thump... However, no matter how smelly the leg was, the man who used to only like beautiful things managed to carry the young man into his embrace without disgust. His fierce, stern face showed concern, making the person who was now accustomed to being carried for two months just raise his arms to hug his neck and speak softly.
“Phîi, when you lift my leg like this, do you not smell it?” Graphic asked.
Even though he said he would move on, said it was enough, Graphic still could not suppress the feeling of wanting to look good in front of this person. It was a dangerous signal that he was about to give in. The call of his heart was too loud.
His heart was telling him it wanted to return to how things were, Graphic thought.
“Do you know what?” Pakin said.
“Even if you were rotten all over, I would still carry you like this.” Then the heartless-person spoke in a serious tone that made the call even louder.
“It is rotten water, Phîi,” Graphic said.
“Say whatever you want,” Pakin said.
“I just want to say what I think.” Pakin said that, looking down at the person who turned his face away, but his white cheeks reddened a little, which was a reaction he liked to see.
Lately, even though he still had not relented, he still blushed to give him the motivation to keep coaxing.
“Then you can just think it in your mind. I do not want to know,” Graphic said.
Then the boastful face became haughty again. Before, it was annoying, but nowadays he missed this expression terribly, until he had to suppress the urge to bend down and press his nose heavily against the white cheek, wanting to bite it until it was red, wanting to make him protest with moans until he could hardly bear it.
But all of it could only remain thoughts in his mind.
“So, will we go back now?” Janjao asked.
“Yes, I want to go back to take a bath,” Graphic said, nodding vigorously. Right now, he was not in the mood to go anywhere. Anyone who got their cast off had to celebrate? Definitely not this Graphic. He would never drag this rotten leg out of the house.
“Then can Graphic wait for me a moment?” Janjao asked.
“I want to go buy some water.” When her friend said that, Janjao, who was looking straight at the coffee shop in the hospital, spoke up. The listener nodded.
“Does Graphic want anything? Phîi Pakin too? Do you want anything?” Janjao asked.
“No, I am not hungry,” the young man said, shaking his head, and thought Phîi Pakin would not eat either. This one would never put anything in his mouth if it was not famous. But...!
“Then please buy me a coffee,” Pakin said.
“What kind of coffee? Janjao does not know the types of coffee,” Janjao said.
“Get an espresso.... Here is the money for the coffee,” the driver said, pulling out a thousand-baht bill and handing it over. The young woman wanted to argue that the seller might not have change, but she was too lazy to argue because today she had annoyed him a lot, afraid that if he could not take it out on her, he would take it out on the people at home instead.
“Then I will be right back,” Janjao said. “Phîi Pakin can take Graphic to the car. Janjao will run after you.”
The small figure said cheerfully before running to the coffee shop she had her eyes on, leaving the large person to carry her friend back to the parked car.
“Really, I think I can walk by myself now,” Graphic said.
“You still have to be careful. The bones have just healed,” Pakin said, placing the slender figure in the passenger seat, then returning to his place behind the steering wheel and starting the engine. Graphic thought he was just going to turn on the air conditioner to wait, but no...
Vroommmmmm
“Hey, Phîi Pakin! What about Janjao!” Graphic exclaimed, his voice lost, as the large car drove out onto the road without the other passenger, so he could only look back at the hospital entrance.
Then his eyes glistened when the person next to him said nonchalantly, “My ears feel much more comfortable.”
“Turn back right now, Phîi!” Graphic said. “No,” Pakin said.
“I said turn back right now, damn it!!!” Graphic almost spat fire, staring at the sharp, still profile sternly, emphasizing again. “Turn back to pick up my friend!”
Screech
Suddenly, the large car swerved sharply to the side of the road, making Graphic's eyes widen. The near-death experience from the race car made the slender body stiffen, his hands bracing against the front console, while the driver turned back and asked in a strong voice filled with simmering anger.
“Is that youth so important to you!” Pakin demanded.
Graphic did not speak yet. His eyes were still looking at the front windshield, but his hands were trembling slightly. He was not afraid of the other person, but... “I beg you... do not stop the car like this again. Do not jerk like this. I...” Graphic stammered.
Thump.
The jealous, angry person was already frozen, looking at the young man's pale face, unable to say more, until feelings of guilt surged into his heart. The anger disappeared, leaving only an anxious tone speaking urgently.
“Graphic, I am sorry. Turn this way,” Pakin said.
The young man turned to look with a demeanor no different from a robot, and that made the viewer grip his shoulders firmly. “Look at my eyes. Calm down. Breathe slowly. You are with me. You are not in that car. Breathe slowly like that. Good youth. Gently. Yes, like that.” Graphic did not know why he followed the other's words, but he was exhaling heavy breaths slowly, staring into the pair of sharp eyes that told him he would be safe if he was near this man.
The stability that he wanted to rush towards, but could only do by reaching out to grip the other's shirt tightly.
“Phîi, I... I am okay now,” Graphic said. “Are you sure? You are still pale,” Pakin said. The driver stroked his face, wiped his sweat gently, slowly held him, slowly touched him to make the other youth relax towards him, nodded a couple of times, and took a deep breath.
“Please turn the car back, Phîi,” Graphic said.
“I will turn back,” Pakin said. “But let me ask one thing first.”
The listener looked up to meet his eyes again, looking at the person who was speaking more seriously than before. “For you, what is Janjao to you?” Pakin asked.
Graphic wanted to lie, wanted to say to his face that Janjao was his new love, but he could not lie. He had never been able to lie to this man, so he answered in a soft voice. “A friend... the most important friend,” Graphic said.
He did not want to answer, because this question had to be followed by... “Then what about me... what am I to you?” Pakin asked.
The young man affirmed that he wanted to lie, wanted to say to his face with satisfaction that you are nothing to me at all, but he could not speak. He could only grip the other's shirt tightly, then bow his head to avoid his gaze, not wanting to say anything now because many feelings were sure to pour out.
You are my heart. The heart that I cannot escape from, no matter how much I deny it until death, Graphic thought.
And such a gaze made Pakin slowly gather the slender figure into his embrace, slipping his arms around his waist protectively, pushing his face to bury it against his chest.
“You do not have to answer me now,” Pakin whispered. “I will wait. I will wait until you are ready to speak. In the meantime, I will make you believe that I will not hurt you again... No matter how long, I will wait.”
The deep voice whispered by his ear, before Graphic trembled.
Kiss
He trembled at just the warm lips pressing against his temple, pressing down hard, taking a deep breath as if touching him filled his lungs, before the driver agreed to release him, sliding his fingertips to stroke the pale face gently. “You are an important person to me, Graphic,” Pakin said.
Now the young man was angry. Angry at his heart that was still pounding because of words like this. “Let us go back to get Janjao,” Graphic said.
Finally, he averted his eyes, returning to the original topic, which made the listener sigh. “I already gave her money for a taxi,” Pakin said.
“Do you do this every time you are annoyed with someone?” Graphic asked. “The last time you were annoyed with me, this time you are annoyed with my friend. And next time... when will I be kicked out of the car?” Graphic did not want to bring it up, but he had to reiterate the bad memories to make himself strong.
That made the willful person freeze, acknowledging the mistakes he had made in the past. “I am sorry for that time,” Pakin said. “I will not do it again. Neither kicking you out of the car nor out of my life. Believe me that I will not make you sad again... There is no way, Graphic.” The car owner spoke, hoping to give reassurance, but not knowing that some things were too deeply ingrained to be erased.
“Do you know that you are the most heartless-person in the world?” Graphic asked.
“But this heartless-person sees you as the most important person in the world,” Pakin said.
Pakin retorted immediately, while looking for a place to turn the car around to go back to the hospital. By now, the other youth was probably running around looking for a car.
However, such words made Graphic make a decision. “You once said that I could return to that house anytime, right?” Graphic asked.
Click... The tall figure turned to look in disbelief, especially when the stubborn youth asked, “Can I... go to that house again?” Graphic asked.
Of course, the heartless-person's heart leapt, speaking happily. “Anytime you want,” Pakin said.
Pakin was happy because this was a good sign that his stubborn youth was about to stop being angry. But for Graphic, he had just made an additional decision... That house had only good memories, only good people. Before he went anywhere, he should go say goodbye to everyone there.
One last time. He would go one last time.
The words that made his heart ache.
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