Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
Pakin knew that the youth was trying to avoid him. If he knew he was coming, he would rush to fall asleep first, whether he was really asleep or pretending. But for the most part, over the past week, the attempts to coax him had not been very successful. The man who was always listened to was becoming increasingly worried. If someone had told him years ago that he would be so preoccupied because of one little one, he would have laughed until his teeth fell out.
But now... he truly could not laugh.
When the normal methods of approach did not work, the man with great power began to seek help.
It was not luxurious dinners, expensive gifts, or sweet words that he had given to others. Those things did not help at all. And Pakin thought that if this helper could not do anything, then there would be no one else who could.
“Khun Graphic, Khun Pakin has come to see you,” a maid said.
“Then I am asleep,” Graphic said.
This was another day when the man, who was busy with work, came to see him early in the morning. The young man who was reading a comic threw the book beside the bed, preparing to lie down and continue sleeping, even though he had been awake for an hour. That made the worker only give a dry smile, glancing at the slightly open door because...
“But I see that you are awake,” Pakin said.
“I am sorry,” the maid said. “The master of the house said that if Khun Pakin comes, I can bring him to see you anytime.”
The large man who pushed the door open narrowed his sharp eyes, looking at the person who said he was asleep but was still awake with clear eyes. The worker could only speak fearfully, knowing well that if the young man became displeased, they had been scolded before, even though lately his temper had cooled down until almost no trace of the original remained.
Graphic sighed without saving face, and only said.... “Phîi, go back to work. I am not angry about anything. If I were to be angry, it would be at those who do not know whose house is whose,” Graphic said only that, then lay down to sleep, pulling the blanket over his head, indicating that he would not talk or do anything with him, wanting to rest. Let us see how long he could stand looking at the lump of blanket.
At first, Krittitee was very hurt to see this man's face. But after several days passed, he himself began to become accustomed to the person who liked to appear in his sight.
As long as his heart still remembered being hurt because of this person, Graphic also did not think of relenting.
Even if he came to eat breakfast with me for a whole year, I would keep avoiding him like this, Graphic thought.
The worker left. Only the homeowner's son remained, lying under the covers, and the visitor stood still at the door frame.
“Will you not get up and talk a little?” Pakin asked.
“If I do not get up, I will not see who you brought,” Graphic said.
So be it.
The young man still lay with his eyes closed, hoping to avoid facing him by continuing to sleep. He did not care who the other person brought to see him. Now, even if it was Aunt Kaew, he would still do the same.
“Do you really not want to see?” Pakin asked. “Even though it misses you very much,” Pakin said.
It.... Is that so?
Suddenly, the person who had closed his eyes opened them immediately, struck by the word "it" because Phîi Pakin would not call Aunt Kaew "it", therefore....
“Hey, call your master,” Pakin said.
“Woof!! Woof!!!” Ruthless barked.
That. “Ruthless!” Graphic exclaimed.
Immediately, the strong, fierce bark of the large dog echoed throughout the room. Graphic threw off the blanket, turned to look in disbelief, and there, next to the feet of the heartless-person, was a large German Shepherd looking straight at him. Its black almond-shaped eyes were full of joy, but it had not jumped in yet because it was held back by a tight grip on its collar.
“Woof woof woof!!!” Another loud round of barking sounded, while its large tail wagged violently, indicating it was extremely excited, just like Graphic who opened his arms wide.
“Ruthless, come here!” Graphic called.
Just like that, the large dog jumped from where its collar was held, while Pakin let go. He watched the large body jump onto the soft bed, into the embrace of the young man who hugged its neck longingly, using his uninjured hand to rub its head vigorously.
Scritch scritch scritch
“Whine whine whine! Woof woof woof!” Ruthless whined and barked.
Ruthless cried out joyfully. Not only that, the proud dog licked his face vigorously with great longing, using both its head and nose to nudge its owner whom it had not seen for almost two months. Graphic laughed with tears, missing the fluffy softness of its fur like this and the deep, loud bark that made anyone shrink back.
I missed it. I missed it so much, Graphic thought.
“Ruthless, I missed you so much. I missed you the most,” Graphic said.
It also whined in response, trying to push its body closer, letting Graphic feel that the dog, which had a strong, well-proportioned shape, had noticeably become thinner. When he held its waist, he could feel its hard ribs.
“Why are you so thin? Was there no one to feed you?” Graphic asked.
“It was pining away,” Pakin said.
It was not the ruthless one who answered, but the other owner who said it in a serious tone, until Graphic inadvertently looked up to meet his eyes, finding that the pair of sharp eyes reflected only his image.
“It refused to eat, refused to sleep, only lay guarding in front of the house,” Pakin said. “Before this, I was only working, so I did not know that it refused to eat from anyone else's hand. When I found out, it was so thin that it was almost skin and bones... It waited for you every day. It lay in the same spot every day.” Pakin stepped closer, and this was the first time Graphic did not retreat. He looked at the person who placed his hand on Ruthless's head, which was barking happily, its tail wagging even more, happy to be together at last.
“Your owner is so heartless, letting you starve,” Graphic said, turning to his beloved dog, speaking in a displeased tone.
Truthfully, he was angrier that the other party did not feed it than he was about being hurt himself.
“The other owner is also heartless, not willing to go back to see it,” Pakin said.
Thump.
The young man pressed his lips together, wanting to retort that he had no way to, but the more he showed his feelings, the more the other would take advantage. So he buried his face in the dark fur, hugging his favorite dog tightly.
“There is no place for me in that house anymore,” Graphic said.
“Who says there is not? That place is a house you can always return to,” Pakin said.
Graphic still remembered well the day the other told him that that place was home... a home he had always longed for. But now... he had no face to return anymore.
There was no place for him to stay anymore.
Pakin decided to place his hand gently on the thick head, feeling the stiffness, but it was good that he did not shake his hand off. Then he spoke in a tone full of pleading.
“It is not only Ruthless that wants you to return.... I am the same,” Pakin said. “I want you to return to being my stubborn youth like before.”
What is the use of saying this now? Graphic thought.
The young man knew that the other was coaxing, pleading for him to return to his side. But his heart stubbornly refused that it was useless. This man was both good and bad. When he was good, he made one extremely happy. When he was bad, he was extremely bad. When this Graphic let his guard down, he would hurt him until there was no good left.
Therefore, years of experience reminded him... do not believe.
“Now I am not a stubborn youth anymore,” Graphic said. “I understand that being stubborn does not get me everything I want. Right, Ruthless? You should stop being stubborn too. Whoever calls you, turn to them. Whoever gives you food, eat some. Too much pride, and you will starve to death.” Graphic rubbed the dog's head vigorously, also pulling its head away from someone else's hand.
Knock knock knock.
“Khun Graphic, breakfast... oh no,” the maid said.
At that moment, breakfast was served. But the person carrying it froze when the large dog jumped towards her, walking around her as if inspecting that she was not coming to harm its owner, until the youth in the house looked at her with a face that seemed about to cry.
Graphic wanted to help, but he was not quick enough before the other person moved to snatch the tray and hold it.
“Please go get the thing in my car for me,” Pakin said. “There is a black bag inside with this one's food. It is time for its breakfast too.”
Pakin ordered as if he were in his own house. The listener nodded vigorously, almost darting out quickly. Then the speaker turned to look at the person on the bed.
“You can eat breakfast now,” Pakin said.
“Phîi, bring it here,” Graphic said. The listener did not think to be stubborn, willingly moving to sit up properly, while watching the large man push a table similar to the one in the hospital for the patient to eat on the bed, with the large dog looking on with pleading eyes.
“You will get to eat soon, Ruthless. Just a moment,” Graphic said, patting its head gently. He admitted that just having the large one with him, the breakfast that he thought was gloomy was becoming incredibly bright.
Then he turned his attention to his own food, but...
“I can eat by myself,” Graphic said. The fact that the large man, full of power and usually standing at the highest point, was holding a spoon with blown-on rice porridge and offering it directly to him, frankly, it did not match. And the viewer did not think to relent even though the other party was going to the trouble of feeding him.
Instead of feeding the patient, go feed breakfast on the bed to your partner, Graphic thought.
Graphic wanted to say it out loud, but he swallowed it down.
“I have seen you eat by yourself for several days. You are not adept, are you?” Pakin asked.
The listener did not deny that he was not adept. He only insisted, “I can eat by myself.”
“If you let me feed you, I will bring Ruthless to see you every day,” Pakin said.
“Cheater!” the young man exclaimed, looking at the person who made the offer in disbelief, frankly saying that he could not refuse, especially when he looked down at the face of the large dog lying prone on his bed like this.
“Yes, I am a cheater,” Pakin said. “And I am willing to cheat even more if you let me get close.”
Graphic thought he would not be angry, not furious anymore, but why were his lips pressing together? His eyes, which had become like an easily led youth, were glistening, becoming emotional. His face showed more emotion than ever, until the viewer gave a smile.
“Do you agree? Let me feed you every morning in exchange for playing with Ruthless every day,” Pakin said.
“Whine whine whine,” Ruthless whined.
Graphic wanted to thrash about, and even kick both the person and the dog who were united in receiving the offer well. When one proposed, the other made supportive sounds. And it probably knew well that this owner was soft towards it, because it was using its nose to nudge his hand and bury its face in his palm, until he felt annoyed.
When I was at that house, it never fawned over me like this. Now it's flattering! Graphic thought.
“You are bloody fucking cruel and ruthless! You too, do not come snuggling! Ruthless, cruel, and extremely heartless!” This time, the full dog name that had not been heard for a long time came out, making the feeder laugh softly. He waved the spoon in his hand in front of him, then asked again...
“Do you agree?” Pakin asked.
“Ahhhhh,” instead of an answer, the young man only opened his mouth overly wide as if saying, Fine! What can I do!
The image made Pakin unable to hold back his laughter. His sharp eyes softened until there was no trace of the original ruthless person as he fed him to the mouth, wiped the corner of his mouth with his fingertip, and asked himself how he had missed the cuteness of this youth for so long.
If the young man had accepted his own heart sooner, Graphic would not have been hurt like this.
It was okay. Realizing it late was okay. It was better than never realizing that the pouty face, the glistening eyes, and the displeased tone of this youth were more pleasing to hear than annoying, as he had hypnotized himself into believing for years.
From now on, he would get to experience its cuteness without having to deceive himself anymore.
“Is it delicious?” Pakin asked.
“Aunt Kaew makes it more delicious,” Graphic said. The Phii asked, the stubborn youth shook his head, his handsome, rebellious face looking a bit gloomy, missing the person he was talking about.
“How is Aunt Kaew?” Graphic asked. He knew that it was attached to his head housekeeper. Maybe even more than to him, since the elderly woman was one of the first to try to understand that the stubborn, rebellious, who-cares attitude of this youth was the loneliness of having no one.
“Aunt Kaew is well and misses you very much,” Pakin said.
When the youth made a gloomy face, he could only comfort him.
“Tomorrow, I will have her make breakfast and bring it for you,” Pakin said. “And Aunt Kaew herself?” Graphic asked. Actually, the young man wanted to bring the other here right now, when he met the eyes that reflected heartfelt loneliness. He wanted to pull this youth into a hug, but knew that he would resist. Moreover, one thought ran through his head as he fed the last mouthful of rice porridge. “When you are better, go visit her at the house,” Pakin said.
Whoever would call him a cheater, so be it, for using attachment as bait. But if it made this youth agree to set foot in that house again, why would he not accept being scolded just this much?
It seemed Graphic also knew, because the young man could only mumble. “You are just a cheater,”
And yes, he admitted it. He would cheat in every way to get Graphic back.
***
“You do not have to, I can bathe by myself!” Graphic said.
The cheating that spread to the matter Graphic least wanted him to be involved in... bathing.
“Then how do you bathe every time?” Pakin asked. “I have help,” Graphic said. “Who!” Pakin asked.
What does it have to do with you! Graphic thought.
The young man wanted to shout in his face, but he could only remain silent when his body trembled slightly as the air conditioner in the bedroom sent cold air here. Moreover, he was only wearing a single boxer, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, with both arms and legs in tight waterproof covers, using his glistening eyes to stare at the man who had rolled up his sleeves to his wrists as if he wanted to kill him.
Who would believe that this guy would use every issue to negotiate with him!
“If you want to feed Ruthless, then let me bathe you,” Pakin said.
This is the agreement of your Phô's house! Graphic thought. Who would think he was joking.... Phîi Pakin was serious.
The man who placed the bag of food and the dog's bowl in another corner of the room crossed his arms and looked at him with a serious tone, until Graphic wanted to shout in his face that this was also his dog. But this man was so ruthless that he had once threatened to kill the dog. Moreover, Ruthless knew it, looking at him with pleading eyes, unlike the extremely ruthless dog it usually was. The person who loved it more than anything therefore... gritted his teeth and agreed.
It is just bathing. I do not see what is embarrassing about it. Anyway, we have been together countless times! Graphic thought.
“So, who is the person who bathes you?” Pakin asked.
“The workers in the house,” Graphic said.
“Female or male?” Pakin asked, frowning even more, speaking in a fierce tone, until the youth lowered his face, not willing to answer the question. “If you do not answer, I will strip you,” Pakin continued.
“Hey!” No matter how calm his temper had become, encountering a threat like this made him startle. Moreover, the person who had carried him here made a move to come and strip him, so he could only say in a strong voice. “Female!” Graphic said.
“Young or old?” Pakin asked.
“That is my business,” Graphic said.
“Okay, then I will strip you,” Pakin said.
“Damn it! Old! Very old! Are you satisfied now!” Graphic exclaimed, trying to shuffle away when the large, building-like man stepped close to his body, really making a move to strip him. Even though they had been together before, it was not that he wanted to show off his goods. And this kind of answer made the dark eyebrows lift a bit, saying that he did not believe.
If you do not believe, then why ask me? Graphic thought.
He wanted to ask, but he agreed to elaborate.
“The person who supported me in here is the one who brought the food earlier,” Graphic said.
“But the person who bathes me is the aunt in the kitchen. My Mâe said it is better to prevent than to cure. She did not want anyone to say that I am undressing alone with another woman. And that aunt does not help bathe me, she only helps lift my arms and sprays water.” Graphic made a face and turning away. This kind of answer made the listener somewhat satisfied.
If it were a male bathing him, he was thinking of going to ask to buy him from this youth's Phô and then sending him to be a laborer in a faraway factory. If it were a female, he was thinking of hiring her to quit for a while.
The jealousy that Pakin did not think would surge up just from thinking that someone saw the naked body of the stubborn youth.
He had seen it. He had once complimented that its body was beautifully shaped, and he did not want anyone else to see it like that.
“And Janjao...” Pakin said.
“Are you crazy? Who would let Janjao bathe me? That one even closes her eyes when I take off my shirt!” Graphic complained, not liking the tone that was picking on his other close friend.
The listener softened.
“Then we can bathe now. Lift your arms,” Pakin said.
“I can do it myself!” Graphic said.
“Ruthless is hungry,” Pakin said.
“Woof woof woof!” Ruthless barked.
Believe it or not, the ruthless one was serious about not feeding the dog, until Ruthless, who was lying prone guarding the door, not wanting to come near the water, let out a confirming bark, turning its black eyes towards the food bag, indicating that I am very hungry. If you do not agree to bathe, I will surely starve to death.
Graphic gritted his teeth tightly, and could only say... “Then be quick! I am cold!” Graphic said.
I do not understand why I always lose to the dog! No, why I always lose to Phîi Pakin! Graphic thought. The person who lifted his arms and lifted his legs to rest on the edge of the bathtub because no matter how effective the waterproof covers were, if water flowed into the cast, not only would it rot, but it would also smell terribly. The last time he made a mistake, he had to remove the cast and put on a new one, and it was unbearably itchy.
The young man said that at first he inadvertently tensed up, afraid that the other would touch him like he used to, because no matter how much his heart refused, his body, which was once familiar with this person's touch, might not withstand it. Therefore, he was quite relieved that the large palm rubbed all over his body to really bathe him.
“Is it too cold?” Pakin asked. “No, it is just right,” Graphic said.
Moreover, he asked with concern, often checking the temperature of the water stream even though it was set, until it came to the important part.
“Shall I wash it for you?” Pakin asked. “No need, you can just spray water,” Graphic said, almost baring his teeth at him. He used one hand to pump liquid soap into his palm, turned to look at the person who was half wet, and then said indirectly. “Phîi, turn away a little,” Graphic said.
At first, he feared that he would not agree easily after encountering his supreme cheating, but when Pakin really turned away, Graphic sighed with relief. He slowly reached his hand into his boxer, rubbed it all over, using the position of the water spraying down to clean it, until he was sure it was thorough, then he poked to tell him.
“Phîi, squeeze the facial foam for me,” Graphic said. “I will wash it for you. Close your eyes,” Pakin said. But the large man shook his head, handed him the showerhead, and then slowly rubbed the foam that he had lathered all over his face. Graphic closed his eyes tightly. At first, he did not feel anything, then he gradually felt that the fingertips were lingering under his eyelids, until he had to lower the water stream and open his eyes blurrily.
Thump.
The sharp eyes looking at him were filled with longing. The fingertips touched his scars when he asked... “Does it still hurt?” Pakin asked.
“No... it does not hurt anymore,” Graphic said. He did not understand why his voice was trembling, but it trembled along with the lump in his chest that throbbed, feeling like he could not breathe, until he had to turn his face away.
Run away, Graphic, run away! Graphic thought.
His heart told himself that, but the young man's body stiffened when the sharp face moved close, the warm breath mixed with the smell of nicotine touched his cheek, he knew what would happen, but he still sat stiffly, and... closed his eyes tightly in fear.
Graphic was truly afraid that a touch like this would make him relent.
“I am sorry... do not be afraid. I will not do anything,” Pakin said.
But the lips instead touched the scar, along with a soft, deep voice speaking gently, then the person who always took stepped away to turn off the water, then turned to grab a towel to wipe him.
Graphic could say that all that Phîi Pakin did could not compare to the understanding that he was not ready just now.
He trembled until he was afraid of himself. Knowing that Phîi Pakin cared about his needs made his heart, which he thought was callous,...
I do not want to be hurt. I do not want to relent. But if you are good to me like this, what should I do? Graphic thought.
The thoughts of the young man who could only bow his head, letting the other wipe his head, his face, and his body that was sparkling with water droplets gently. Silence enveloped the entire large bathroom, but it was not the oppressive silence like every time. It was a silence mixed with a familiar warm feeling.
Not good. This is not good, Graphic, Graphic thought.
“From now on, you do not need to have anyone else bathe you,” Pakin said. “I will come to bathe you every morning.” “Hey, no!” Graphic said.
But immediately, the silence shattered, replaced by a deep voice speaking willfully, making him look up to meet his eyes, complaining softly. Pakin said one word.
“Then I will bring Ruthless to see you here, but I will not feed it,” Pakin said.
“You are...” Graphic said.
Graphic was so speechless he could only swallow his resentment, but could only shake his head vigorously, making the water splash onto the person with wet clothes, until Pakin laughed.
“Do not play around. So, do you agree?” Pakin asked.
“Whine whine whine,” Ruthless whined.
That, the smart dog received the cue immediately, whether they had prepared well or not, until the real dog owner could only fume, wanting to ask if you are betraying me like this, Ruthless? But when he looked at the sad face of the dog that was thin and weak...
“Fine!” Graphic said.
Of course, that made Pakin smile with satisfaction as he carried the bathed person back to bed again, dressing him meticulously without Graphic having to ask, but he could not refuse because he kept having cheater's exchange terms to negotiate every time, until the sound of argument echoed throughout the temporary room.
Meanwhile, Graphic did not realize that he was gradually returning to his old self.
Having this man by his side brought the original lively Krittitee back again, not the young man who forced a smile for everyone and lied that he was okay. Because when Pakin was near, the person who gave his heart to him unchanged felt that... he would really be okay.
This time, he had to blame his heart... no matter how much it hurt, it never remembered.
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