Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
If given a choice between being so sick he was unconscious and recovering so much it was night and day, Kritthee would choose from the bottom of his heart… Let me stay sick!
“Have you stopped hurting yet?”
“Hurting… from what?”
The moment he opened his eyes, the only living thing moving in the room was a man wearing just a pair of workout pants, showing off a broad chest and rippling muscles like a real man’s man. The man turned to look the instant he heard movement from the bed, and as he stepped closer… the question Graph least wanted to answer rang out.
Hurting from what, damn it, if not…
The young man, still feverish but feeling worlds better than yesterday, could only mutter to himself. As his body started to recover, memories of the previous night flooded back unbidden. And yes, he and Pakin had done it. So, the question about whether he’d stopped hurting could only mean one thing.
The aching pain still lingering in his hips, making him wince every time he moved.
It hurt. A kind of pain he’d never experienced in his life, so intense he had to bite his lip, feeling as if his insides were torn. He was lucky to only regain full awareness now. Just imagine if he’d woken up right after it happened, fresh and raw—Graph figured the pain would’ve been unbearable.
But even as Graph dodged the question, the room’s owner, who’d come to grab clothes, saw his expression clearly.
The man who merely tried to sit up was biting his lip, brows furrowed, sweat beading around his face, hands gripping the blanket’s edge until they trembled slightly. And… tears welling in his eyes.
“Sigh” Of course, Pakin let out a heavy breath, not sparing Graph’s feelings, making the young man clench his jaw in resentment.
“Has your fever gone down?” The man shifted to another topic, tossing a towel into the laundry basket before striding to the bed’s edge, causing the youth who dared not move to pull the comforter up to his chin.
“Do you care about me or something?” Used to arguing back, the hoarse-voiced youth retorted, making the listener roll his eyes.
Even sick, he’s got a mouth on him.
“Nah, just don’t feel like arranging your funeral.”
That was it. The damned troublemaker youth glared, eyes flashing, looking like he might cry and curse Pakin out just to annoy him. Though Pakin was used to this, the familiarity mixed with a new sight—Graph clutching the comforter like a protective talisman, barely daring to show his full face—made the onlooker feel… pity.
Yeah, mixed with a bit of sympathy.
The tall man shook his head slightly, then continued.
“If you know I’ll answer like that, don’t ask next time… Let’s just say I won’t let you die easy.” With that, he sat on the bed’s edge, looking at the youth whose face alternated between flushed and pale, avoiding eye contact in a way that was oddly-surprising. And, deep down, satisfying to see the mouthy youth finally shut up and look… endearing instead.
What am I thinking? This youth, endearing?
Pakin shook his head slowly, then…
Tap
Slap
“Don’t touch me!”
Jerk
The moment the large hand pressed flat on his forehead, the young man flinched hard, instinctively swatting it away with force. His face paled when he saw the sharp eyes freeze momentarily before flashing with anger at his audacity. But it wasn’t disgust—it was… embarrassment.
Just thinking about the night before, the young man didn’t know where to hide his face.
Besides tying up Phîi Pakin’s hands, I climbed on him, kissed him, licked him, and bloody fucking hell, I cried in front of Phîi Pakin, practically begging him!
Grab
“What, you think you’re some prince from what country that I can’t touch you?” The hand that was swatted away grabbed Graph’s shoulder, squeezing hard. The sharp face leaned in close, a low growl signaling barely contained anger.
Last night, this youth was moaning under him, and now he acted like he’d never been touched.
The slight irritation of the older person, who hadn’t yet realized he didn’t like Graph refusing to let him… claim possession.
So, Pakin locked Graph’s shoulder in place and reached to press his other hand against Graph’s forehead.
“Still feverish,” he said, used to checking the youth’s temperature, pressing his hand to his own forehead, brows knitting in displeasure.
“Let go…”
Jerk
“Why can’t I touch you?” His slightly roused temper plummeted again when the young man acted like he wanted to bolt. His voice grew deeper, making Graph slowly look up, meeting his eyes, biting his lip slightly before saying hoarsely:
“It hurts…”
That made Pakin realize how tightly he was squeezing Graph’s shoulder. He loosened his grip, looking into eyes filled with embarrassment, resentment, and a smoldering anger. But above all, what stood out clearest was… vulnerability.
A young man already physically weak, now dealing with illness and… a heart just as frail. A heart unsure of how their relationship would proceed from here.
Yet, the vulnerable youth still gritted his teeth, saying firmly: “You checked my fever, now let me go!”
Maybe it was pity for seeing him sick, guilt for causing his weakness, or a deep shame for sleeping with a youth he’d known for over ten years. Instead of getting angrier at being defied, Pakin cooled down unbelievably, replaced by a small pang of sympathy as he looked at the pale face of the young man, who wasn’t exactly looking his best.
So, the man with overwhelming power let Graph collapse back onto the bed, patted his head once, and stood up.
“You’re awake, good. I’ll have someone bring food up. Eat it all and take your meds.” The large hand ruffled Graph’s head again, as if comforting him.
Pakin had never been sick, but having seen Graph’s illnesses countless times, he sensed deep down… it must be tormenting. No wonder he should be kinder to a sick person than usual.
“Want anything, tell Aunt Kaew.” Pakin said only that, as he had a meeting today. Even without one, he didn’t plan to waste time babysitting this damned troublemaker youth any longer. Graph seemed much better than yesterday, so no need to feel guilty for putting him in this state. Though slightly annoyed by Graph’s attitude, Pakin took it as a good sign.
Graph wasn’t clinging… exactly what he wanted.
But…
“Phîi Pakin!” The youth on the bed called out, jolting up, making Pakin turn to meet his eyes, raising an eyebrow as if asking what he wanted.
The caller fell silent, head lowered, teeth clenched, hands gripping the comforter even tighter, making Pakin grow irritated.
“What? I’m about to shower.”
“I…” The damned troublemaker’s face reddened.
“It hurts…”
“What?”
The rebellious youth’s face flushed from forehead to neck, making Pakin frown harder.
“Got something to say, spit it out. I don’t have time to waste…”
“I need to pee!”
“Hm.” Before Pakin could finish, the young man shouted loudly, face red with embarrassment, unlike the listener, who frowned harder, a sound in his throat as if asking… Why tell me?
Graph, suppressing his shame, said faintly: “It hurts… I can’t get up.”
“Help me… please.”
That made the listener freeze unexpectedly, as the sick youth spoke with a… pleading tone.
A pleading tone Pakin had seen once before, when picking Graph up from school. Back then, he thought Graph was sick, but now he must be really ill to sound so meek, making Pakin… laugh.
“Phîi Pakin, I’m not joking!” Though Graph tried to sound firm, to Pakin… it was the funniest thing this morning.
The cocky youth, head bowed, chin to chest, face red to his ears.
The thought made the heartless man stride closer, then…
Grab
“Hey, let me go!”
“You want to use the bathroom, don’t you?” The older person scooped the slender youth up in one motion, making Graph yell, hands pushing at bare shoulders to keep distance. That broad chest brought back memories of last night, not to mention the sweat from Pakin’s morning workout, making Kritthee try to pull away as far as possible.
The desperate escape attempt made the carrier scowl.
“Keep squirming, and I’ll drop you.”
Jerk
The cold, flat tone signaling displeasure made the sick youth go still instantly, looking up nervously, fearing he’d be dropped and end up with pain shooting to his spine. The carrier said no more, striding straight to the bathroom with the damned troublemaker in his arms.
Until he set him down on the toilet lid.
“Staring at what? Handle your business so I can take you back and shower.”
“Then get out first,” the young man shot back quickly, looking up at the man with arms crossed, sharp eyes glinting wickedly.
One look told Pakin the youth was embarrassed, but why should he do what Graph said? “What’s there to be shy about? Like I haven’t seen it before.”
Pakin smirked, glancing down, making the young man grit his teeth harder, saying through clenched teeth:
“Get out.”
It wasn’t just not wanting to be seen during his business, but Graph didn’t want Pakin to see his clumsy struggle to stand.
Bloody fucking hell, my tailbone’s killing me. Even being carried hurt. If I stand on my own, I don’t even want to picture it. But…
“You talk to an older person you’re asking for help like that, Kritthee?”
This damned Phîi Pakin’s having fun, isn’t he? Real fun watching me weak like this!
He wanted to yell, but he woke up because the need to pee was unbearable. The rebellious youth who never bowed to anyone lowered his head, chin to chest, saying faintly:
“Please… I’m asking.”
“I didn’t hear you,” the onlooker said, arms crossed, deadpan, making Graph dig his nails into his palms.
When I’m better, I’ll make you pay!
“Please, I’m asking.”
“Didn’t hear.”
“I’m asking!”
“I didn’t hear…”
“I’m asking! Get out already! I’m dying here, please, please, please! Happy now?!” Finally, Graph shouted, looking up with tears of frustration, seething and ready to pick a fight. But raising his head came just as…
Grab
“Hmph, that’s all it takes. Learn to ask nicely,” came the large hand patting his head lightly, a deep voice speaking with fondness. But above all, a smile… a smile laced with amusement, not the usual murderous irritation.
A smile Graph thought he’d never received before.
A smile that made his small heart skip.
A smile that made him forget how frustrated he was, as the smiler simply stepped out, leaving the young man to lower his head and mutter to himself:
“He’s so damned heartless.”
So damned heartless for making me half-dead, but… making me this happy.
Can I hope things will get better from now on? Can I hope, Phîi Pakin?
***
“…and when I told him I saw, Graph argued like crazy.”
“Yesterday, I caught him once, and he wouldn’t admit it either.”
“How can Graph be so stubborn?”
“Sigh”
Pakin, stepping out of the room, paused at the corridor’s corner when two women’s voices reached him. The name in their conversation made him want to rub his temples. Every time it’s about that youth, it’s chaos. Yesterday, he had urgent work to handle, finishing near dawn, so he didn’t check on the youth occupying his bedroom, choosing another room to sleep in. Who’d have thought he’d wake up to hear that youth’s name first thing?
“What’s the problem?”
“Oh, Khun Pakin!” Though reluctant to get involved, as Graph’s guardian, he stepped forward, asking flatly. The two maids carrying food trays flinched slightly, turning quickly.
“He didn’t go to school?”
“Indeed, Khrap. Aunt Kaew said he’s in no shape to go. She said Khun Chai called his advisor to excuse him.” The “he” could only be one person, and the answer didn’t surprise Pakin much.
After that, if he could bounce to school, he’d be too tough.
“So, what’s the issue?”
“Uh…”
When asked about their interrupted talk, the maids hesitated, glancing at each other nervously, until Pakin nodded for them to speak.
One maid spoke up first.
“Khun Graph won’t take his medicine.”
“Hm.” Pakin narrowed his eyes slightly, making her flinch but report quickly.
“It’s not just refusing. Khun Graph’s hiding the pills. At first, I didn’t notice, but last evening, when emptying food scraps, I found pills under the porridge at the bowl’s bottom. This morning, I caught Khun Graph spitting them out and hiding them under orange peels like this.” She pointed to the peels, where, upon closer inspection, several pills were mixed with orange seeds, tucked in tissue.
The sight made Pakin exhale sharply.
“Get a new set of pills.”
“What?”
“Bring them to my room.” Pakin said only that before turning, striding back to his room where the damned troublemaker youth, half-dead as he was, still refused his medicine. I want to turn him back into a seven-year-old and spank him till he’s striped!
The thought drove the man to open his door, striding to the bed where the pale, almost greenish slender youth lay.
“Graph.”
“Hm… ugh…” The youth, dozing after a late breakfast, pried his eyes open slowly. Seeing who stood there…
Gasp!
The figure with arms crossed glared with accusing eyes.
“Phîi… what do you want? Why’re you here?”
Graph was much better today… enough to realize how haggard he looked. For a youth who’d tried to look good in Pakin’s eyes for years, being stared at directly was like a death sentence, making him dodge those eyes.
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything…”
Not counting teaming up with Phîi Win to get Phîi Pakin drunk. But he wasn’t even drunk!
Trying not to think about that night, Graph lowered his gaze further. Truthfully, he feared Pakin bringing it up. He feared his efforts would be for nothing, avoiding reality by not mentioning it. But Pakin seemed to be bringing it up, making Graph grip the bedsheet tightly. What, say you have to take responsibility for me? How pathetic, Graph.
“I told you to eat and take your medicine, right?”
Jerk
The youth, lost in thought, flinched, looking up nervously before relaxing, realizing what Pakin meant.
“Yeah, you told me to eat and take…”
Jerk
You know, huh?
The youth, relieved as if a mountain lifted from his chest, widened his eyes when he repeated the words, especially seeing Pakin’s glinting eyes barely containing irritation, making him unable to hold that gaze.
“I did what you said. What do you want from me now?”
Gasp!
Sizzle
Graph felt heat rush to his face, recalling the last time he was “fed” medicine. But still…
“You wouldn’t dare. You’re just bluffing,” he said, believing the man who’d avoided him wouldn’t kiss him in front of the whole house.
Phîi Pakin would never show we’ve gone too far, tying himself down.
Swoop
But the bluffer climbed onto the soft bed, moving closer.
Grab
A large hand gripped his chin tightly, sharp eyes staring with a dangerous low voice.
“I told you to take your medicine.”
“I… I’m not taking it!” Though starting to fear, Graph stayed stubborn, making the threatener inwardly fume.
“I don’t like people defying my orders.”
“Whether I defy you or not, you’ve never liked me anyway,” Graph, feeling better, grew mouthy, retorting defiantly. The listener paused, then turned to the maid still standing wide-eyed.
“Call the whole house.”
“Uh… yes, yes!”
“Hey!” Graph yelled, whipping around to the man who smirked wickedly. “You want to challenge me? Fine, I’ll take it.” Pakin said, leaning down, sharp eyes locking with Graph’s frozen ones, whispering:
“Go ahead, get kissed in front of everyone.”
“No way… you said I was worthless!” The listener retorted shakily, but the handsome man with a wicked smile said firmly:
“That’s why I’m teaching you.”
The speaker’s eyes showed this wasn’t a threat… he meant it.
Meant to teach the rebellious youth not to challenge someone like him, especially not to make him angry.
Eyes that the young man…
Grab… gulp, gulp
Graph snatched the pills, tossed them into his mouth, and chugged water, barely keeping up. Pakin released his chin, watching Graph finish the glass with a grimace.
“That’s it.”
The young man glared with seething resentment but could only turn to the bedside table, pour another glass, and gulp it down.
“Bloody fucking hell, it’s like it’s stuck in my throat,” the slender youth cursed, clutching his throat as if the pill was still there.
“What are you, a child? It’s just medicine.”
“You’re not me, you don’t know. Since I was little, it’s been medicine, medicine, medicine. Why do I still have to take it now?” Maybe due to a deep-seated resentment from being forced as a youth, Graph avoided it whenever he could. Plus, every time he swallowed, it felt stuck in his throat, driving him crazy.
Call it imagination, but he hated taking medicine. And hated even more the person forcing him to.
The person now raising his hand…
Phîi…
Gasp!
Stroking his throat gently.
“Gone down yet?”
“I… don’t know.”
How would I know when Phîi Pakin’s stroking my throat?!
Graph’s face flushed instantly, thoughts of pills stuck in his throat vanishing under the large hand stroking his neck, past his Adam’s apple, then up and down again as if easing the pill down gently. Honestly, he wasn’t ready.
But Pakin didn’t seem to let him prepare, as the man who’d been kind for a split second spoke:
“If someone reports you’re acting like a youth, refusing medicine again, next time…” Pakin pulled his hand back, leaving it at that. But his lowered eyes made it clear he wouldn’t tolerate nonsense again, sending a chill through the sick youth.
Just don’t get caught, right?
His expression must’ve been obvious, as Pakin shook his head.
“When you’re better, want something? I’ll give you one thing.”
“I’m not a child anymore!”
“Not taking it?” Sharp eyes glanced over.
“I’ll take it!” Though angry at being treated like a little one, who’d refuse such an offer? Graph’s eyes widened, staring at the man promising to grant one wish, barely believing his ears. His dry lips curved into a smile… thrilled.
A smile across his face and eyes, showing how happy he was with such a simple offer.
Eyes that softened the onlooker, who reached to touch Graph’s hair.
“So, take your medicine and get better quick, okay?” The question, with insistent eyes, made Graph look up, his heart skipping at this heartless man’s demeanor. But as he was about to answer…
Knock, knock, knock
The open door was tapped lightly, making them turn.
Most of the household had been summoned per the boss’s order. Pakin pushed Graph’s head lightly and stepped to the doorway.
“Something up, Khun Pakin?” The head housekeeper asked, confused and worried about the youth inside. The boss only spoke flatly, but loud enough for everyone, including the youth in the room, to hear:
“I’m just saying, anyone who catches Graph not taking his medicine and reports it gets a special reward. And anyone who indulges him… I’ve got a punishment they won’t forget.” His words were for the staff, but his eyes pinned the head housekeeper, who often sided with the youth. Aunt Kaew looked away.
“Got it?”
“Yes.”
“That’s all. Back to work.”
“Hey, how can you order that?!”
Pakin ignored the young man’s protest, nodding to the others, when… RRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr
A phone blared, making everyone glance nervously. Only the phone’s owner hurriedly explained to the boss:
“It’s not mine, Khrap. It’s Khun Graph’s phone. I heard it ringing, so I was bringing it to him, and it went off.” She quickly handed the device to the boss, who glanced at the screen.
Janjao.
“Do what you need to,” the boss said, grabbing the phone, closing the door, and instead of giving it to its owner, he… answered it.
“Khrap.” He held it to his ear.
[Graph! The teacher said you’re sick. What’s wrong? What happened? Hey, I’m freaking out! You usually just skip, but now the teacher says in homeroom you’re unwell, your guardian called in. What’s going on? Fever again, or…]
“I’m not Graph, Khrap.”
[Uh, Phîi Pakin… right?]
Pakin’s tone was rather… flat. He was irritated hearing fever again… meaning the young woman on the line knew how easily the youth in the room got sick. He wasn’t the only one who knew, making his deep voice say:
“Khrap.”
[Why’s Graph’s phone with you?! Oh, no, no, I don’t need to know, I mean, uh, yeah, is Graph okay?]
Pakin was sure the bright voice was clearly excited, but he brushed it off, hearing her next words.
“Just a slight fever. He’ll be back at school in a few days.” Pakin kept his tone emotionless, though he was usually charming with women, especially fond of young women like Janjao. But now, he was too annoyed to flirt, just wanting to end the call fast.
[Uh, can I talk to Graph, please?]
The tall man glanced at the door, then smirked slightly.
“Not convenient now. In a day or two, Graph should be back at school as usual. If there’s nothing else, I’ll hang up…”
[Wait!]
“Hm?” His thick brows rose, growing displeased.
[I mean… uh, yeah, right! Janjao’s got an important worksheet to give Graph. It’s life-or-death for our grades, super important, really! Like, Graph needs it today, right now!]
“Hmph.” After hearing her out, Pakin chuckled in his throat, making the babbling young woman go silent, likely sensing the pressure he exuded. Though he could’ve ended the call, the powerful man now wanted to see what tricks this young woman had up her sleeve against him.
Against? Using that word for an 18-year-old seems like an adult bullying a youth. Better to say he was curious what she’d try to pull.
“Then I’ll send someone to pick up Nong Janjao’s super-important worksheet.”
[No… that won’t do! I mean, the worksheet alone won’t work! Janjao has to explain it to Graph, yeah, explain it, or he won’t get it… really!]
Her voice grew meeker under the pressure sent through the phone, making Pakin say:
“Then I’ll send someone to pick up Nong Janjao to visit Graph. I hope that work’s important enough… Khrap.” His warm, kind tone carried an underlying pressure, silencing the young woman momentarily. A deep breath came before she said firmly:
[Yes, it’s super important. Janjao’ll wait at the school gate at 4:30, Khrap. Thank you, Phîi Pakin!]
The call ended, and Pakin slowly lowered the phone, eyes filled with… irritation.
This young woman knew he was displeased but still insisted on defying him… just like Graph and his friend, both equally annoying. He wanted to teach them who was in charge, so they’d stop defying him.
“Good. Let’s see what they’ve got.”
Maybe Pakin forgot that someone like him didn’t need to care about a high school girl. But because this one was tied to that rebellious youth, he had to get involved… like this.
“Janjao, you’re committing suicide!”
On the other side of the city, the young woman named Janjao was shaking her phone as if it were her own neck, stomping her feet like she wanted to crush herself, muttering… Am I crazy?!
Yes, was she crazy to challenge that handsome mafia Lucifer?
“I’m dead, totally dead. Got myself in trouble, but I want to know why Graph’s sick, and why his phone’s with Phîi Pakin! Ugh, shouldn’t have blurted it out from worrying about my friend, Janjao, Janjao, Janjao!”
The ponytail girl wailed to the sky and earth. If she could collapse and sob, she would’ve. But having insisted on storming the mafia den for her friend, and already set the meeting, she could only take a deep, long breath, steady her trembling hands, and call someone.
“Phîi Shin!”
Yes, her brother’s close friend, who somehow knew the wicked mafia.
“Phîi Shin, Janjao’s got something to confess… If anything happens to me, tell Phîi Sun to avenge me against the guy named Pakin. Janjao’s about to storm the mafia house.”
[Hey, wait, what’s that mean?]
As her brother’s friend asked, confused, Janjao, not daring to tell her brother (who’d not only forbid it but race to drag her back), spoke softly:
“Janjao’s going to visit a friend. He’s sick, and Graph’s at that Phîi Pakin’s house. Honestly, Phîi Shin, I feel like I’m walking to my death…”
“Then want me as your shield?”
Jerk
Before the young woman could summon every river in Bangkok to convince her brother’s friend that getting in a stranger’s car wasn’t dangerous, a voice came from behind, making her whip around. She raised her brows high, seeing…
“Phîi Night.”
The handsome senior flashed a wide smile, offering:
“I know Phîi Pakin’s house well. I can take you to visit your friend. Even if you don’t trust me, it’s better than getting in a car with some stranger… right?”
Phîi Night’s smile was the classic kind senior’s, making Janjao, who knew getting in a stranger’s car—whether Pakin’s driver or a school senior—wasn’t right, take a deep breath and say to the waiting line:
“Phîi Shin, I’ve solved it. That’s all.”
Then she met the handsome senior’s eyes.
“At least I’ve known Phîi Night for a year…” Her answer meant agreement, making the listener smile broadly, eyes gleaming. The young woman felt a twinge of guilt because… No, really, it’s more like… at least I’ve got a shield!
If Janjao’s going down, Phîi Night can go first!
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