Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
The first light of dawn had touched the horizon for some time, but it could not penetrate the private room of Sirphop. Pakin had pressed the button to lower the blackout curtains over the large glass wall since midnight, not to ensure his own comfortable sleep, but to allow the person lying exhausted on the bed to rest fully.
Clink, clink...
A faint sound of objects lightly colliding came from one corner of the room—not the bed, but the sofa.
A large sofa set, claimed by Pakin since Graph had fallen into slumber.
Pakin held a glass of liquor in one hand while the other rolled two bullet casings, causing them to clink each time his fingers moved. Around him, only a small, warm-toned light shone on the table with drinks, creating an eerie atmosphere.
The air around Pakin was already unsettling, but it paled compared to the intense gaze of the young man leaning back on the sofa, staring thoughtfully at the large bed.
Pakin hadn’t slept all night, sitting there since Krittithee, drugged into unconsciousness, lost consciousness.
He was silently mulling over what had happened.
He had broken his own rule for the second time.
“Hmph,” Pakin let out a frustrated sound in his throat as the image of that damned troublemaker flashed in his mind. Krittithee, who cried out incoherently in his arms, trembling at a mere kiss, shedding tears at just an external touch... that young man, still flushed red, clearly untouched by anyone before.
That damned troublemaker was the one making him this irritated!
The irritation stemmed from words of a relative echoing in his mind.
That young man is fresh... the freshest I’ve ever touched.
The fresh beauty, tempting to savor, with Krittithee’s voice still ringing in his head.
“I won’t yield to anyone but you, Phîi Pakin, alone.”
Pakin shook his head slowly, dismissing the thought as impossible. No matter how bold or clever Krittithee’s words, when his body craved, when it desired, it was no different from anyone else. Yet, he couldn’t erase those eyes staring straight at him, teeth clenched, voice hoarse, insisting it had to be him and only him.
A feeling Pakin had pretended to ignore all along, but Graph had never given up either.
Now, the powerful young man asked himself... should he keep ignoring it, or was it time to acknowledge it?
“Phîi,” came a soft groan.
But before Pakin could decide, a faint sound of movement came from the other side of the room, accompanied by a trembling moan, prompting him to look up.
“Awake, huh?” Pakin said.
“Huh, what’s this... Hey!” Krittithee exclaimed.
Whoosh!
At first, Krittithee was confused about where he was. But as soon as he opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling and heard the deep voice from the other side of the room, his slender frame shot upright, eyes wide with alarm, staring at the shadowy figure seated in the darkness.
“Phîi Pakin...” Krittithee moaned faintly, still disoriented, unable to piece together what had happened. But as he looked down at himself, his eyes widened further in shock.
Last night... damned shit-lizard!
Realizing he’d been drugged, Krittithee nearly panicked, yanking the blanket to cover his lower body. He looked toward Pakin, a mix of anger, embarrassment, confusion, and above all... fear.
Graph still vividly remembered Pakin’s fierce emotions from last night... the man who left bullet casings in this room.
The man who had shouted at him loudly last night... that was under the drug’s influence. But now, in this sober state, Krittithee would surely be scolded until his heart ached.
This time, Phîi Pakin might never want to see me again, Krittithee thought, filled with self-pity.
I’m dim-witted, just a stupid buffalo who walked in here hoping for answers on how to make Phîi Pakin like me. I never thought it would end like this. If Pakin hadn’t arrived in time, if Pakin hadn’t helped, right now Krittithee...
The mere thought disgusted him.
No matter what, Krittithee couldn’t imagine sleeping with someone else. I’d feel utterly repulsed if I had to spread my legs for anyone, Krittithee thought, infuriated at having been so foolishly deceived.
Thinking Sirphop was Pakin’s friend, Krittithee let his guard down. Thinking he was a senior brother, Krittithee trusted too easily.
I’m such a dim-wit, just as Phîi Pakin said, Krittithee thought.
“Put on your clothes,” Pakin said.
Despite Krittithee awaiting with a fearful heart, Pakin spoke calmly, standing up, tucking a gun into his waistband, and grabbing car keys from the table in front of him. Then he moved to leave the room, making Krittithee, terrified of being abandoned, leap to his feet.
“Where are you going?” Krittithee asked.
“Put on your clothes, Graph,” Pakin repeated calmly instead of answering, prompting Krittithee to hurriedly grab the clothes beside the bed. Even though he was mortified to find his boxers still damp with sticky residue, Graph gritted his teeth and put them on. Turning back, he heard,
“Let’s go back,” Pakin said.
The words made Krittithee’s eyes widen in shock.
“Back... where?” Krittithee asked.
Is Phîi pushing me out of his life again? Krittithee thought the worst... Pakin was about to throw him back to that bloody fucking house, where he had no one. If he lost Pakin too, Krittithee would have no one left.
Krittithee was scared... scared that this rejection would be final, with no way back. Deep down, Krittithee knew... if Pakin truly cut him off, he’d never reconnect with him. The fear showed in his expression, making Pakin pause briefly, then sigh.
“Where do you want me to drop you off?” Pakin asked.
“...”
Krittithee fell silent, as his fears seemed to come true. This made Pakin stride forward.
Grab!
Pakin’s large hand seized Krittithee’s arm and pulled.
“Back to my house, you damned troublemaker. If you don’t watch out, you’ll cause trouble somewhere else... Let’s go!” Pakin said, striding ahead, nearly making Graph stumble, but his legs hurried to follow, staring in shock at the sharp profile he couldn’t read.
Phîi Pakin is taking me back to his house.
The house where Phîi Pakin lives... right?
Pakin, pulling Krittithee, didn’t turn back, knowing full well how this young man would look... no different from years ago when he secretly gave him candy.
That joyful expression... etched too clearly in Pakin’s memory.
From the pub until the sleek supercar pulled up to the house’s driveway, Pakin didn’t say a word. Krittithee, the passenger, could only stay silent, head bowed, staring at his own hands, shifting uncomfortably.
Of course, after last night, Krittithee didn’t know what expression to make.
Krittithee was glad Pakin came to help, but anxious that Pakin saw him in that state.
A state where I couldn’t help myself, likely to be scolded for not knowing my place, Krittithee thought.
Yet, despite bracing for every word from Pakin beside him, Pakin said nothing, even as the luxury car came to a complete stop.
“Follow me. We need to talk,” Pakin said.
Gasp!
Graph flinched slightly, watching Pakin step out of the car first. Krittithee took a deep breath to calm his nerves, then stepped out with the demeanor of someone drained of strength.
Krittithee had been kicked out of here less than a day ago, and now he was back. Surely this time he wouldn’t be allowed to stay just a few minutes before being thrown out again, right?
“Back sooner than I thought, Graph,” a voice said.
Thud.
A voice came from the doorway, making Krittithee look up... Phawit was standing there, arms crossed, with a faint smile.
“Phîi Win,” Krittithee said.
“No need for me to pick you up. Seems someone already did,” Phawit said with a smile, glancing at his older relative who stopped to wait for the annoying young man. Graph didn’t know what expression to make—smiling would be awkward—and this made Phawit step closer.
Grab!
“Hey!” Krittithee exclaimed.
Before Krittithee could react, the charming young man hooked a finger under his collar, pulling the already loose neckline to reveal more. Graph yelped, grabbing his shirt, but not before Phawit saw.
“People around here like swallowing their own spit, huh?” Phawit said. Of course, he wasn’t talking about Graph, but Pakin, who met Phawit’s eyes, then looked at Krittithee, whose cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.
“I’ll wait in your room,” Pakin said, striding off, leaving them alone.
“Did he get there in time?” Phawit asked, his face turning serious.
Krittithee didn’t know how to answer, only looking into eyes filled with concern.
“Mm,” Krittithee nodded slowly, making Phawit sigh with relief.
“Sorry, Graph. I shouldn’t have taken you to Phîi Seen...” Phawit said.
“That bloody fucking Seen is that much of a damned shit-lizard, huh, Phîi?” Krittithee interrupted.
Thud.
Before Phawit could finish, Krittithee interrupted, because call him dim-witted, crazy, or foolish, but Krittithee never thought Phawit would take him to someone so despicable. This made Phawit pause, looking into questioning eyes, then shake his head.
“No... not really. Phîi Seen isn’t a bad person. He’s just... skilled at reading people, persuading them, knowing how to make us follow. You probably know by now...” Phawit said.
“No!” Krittithee cut in immediately, shaking his head firmly.
“I don’t care how skilled he is at persuading or whatever bloody fucking nonsense. My heart is mine, and I know what it wants. No damned shit-lizard can sway me. The only thing I want to know is, are you okay with him saying he was your first like that?” Krittithee asked.
Graph might be furious at that damned shit-lizard for drugging him, but once his senses fully returned, Krittithee realized he was angrier that Seen claimed Phîi Win as his.
The way Seen spoke, as if Phîi Win was just a toy for his amusement.
Words that left Phawit more stunned, looking into the eyes of the young man someone said wasn’t mature, or rather, wasn’t mature in Pakin’s eyes. Krittithee wasn’t immature; Pakin had suppressed him until Krittithee believed he was still a child. At the very least, this young man was more mature than Phawit’s own cousin at that age.
“Heh, grown-up stuff. Let’s just say Phîi Seen and I have several agreements,” Phawit said to reassure Krittithee, then reached out to pat the stubborn young man’s head, still hung up on a dangerous man.
“Safe and back, that’s good... Hurry up, Pakin’s been waiting,” Phawit said.
At that, Graph’s face fell, looking like he wanted company, making Phawit smile faintly.
Tap.
“After all this... he won’t be any harsher,” Phawit, the almond-eyed man, tapped a finger on Graph’s neck, making Krittithee shiver, cheeks red, the touch from Pakin still burning hot on his neck. But Krittithee stepped into the house as Phawit gave a gentle push.
Only after Graph disappeared into the house did Phawit clench his fists. If I’d had the same resolute eyes as Graph back then, would that person have been kinder to me? Phawit thought.
“Nonsense. I know it’s impossible,” Phawit said.
Because that person didn’t push Phawit away like a brother but lifted him high above, never reaching down to grab him... it’s not the same.
***
How did I ever not fear Phîi Pakin? Krittithee thought as he stared at the tall figure leaning against the wall, arms crossed, in the corner of the room. A chilling sensation crept from his spine to his neck, sweat beading at his temples, as Krittithee stood frozen in the middle of the bedroom he’d stayed in for weeks.
Phîi Pakin’s eyes now... terrifying.
Not just the usual annoyed glance, but a gaze as if deciding Krittithee’s fate from here on.
“Sit,” Pakin nodded toward the sofa, making Graph clench his teeth but comply.
In Krittithee’s head was the word... sorry. Then, a brief silence stretched, feeling endless to Krittithee, hands gripping tightly, mind racing with what to say, what to do.
The only word that surfaced was, But I’m not wrong. He kicked me out. Where I go is my business! Krittithee thought.
Krittithee gripped his hands tighter with stress, as his decision had nearly led to a grave mistake.
“Why’d you go see Âi Seen?” Pakin asked.
Thud.
Before Krittithee could think further, Pakin broke the silence, making him flinch, looking up hesitantly. How could Graph tell the truth?
How could I say I went because I wanted to know how to make Phîi Pakin notice me?
That embarrassing answer? No way would I say it! Krittithee thought.
“I... I mean, I...” Krittithee stammered.
“Don’t say it’s not my business, because last night was more than enough,” Pakin said.
Flash!
At those words, Krittithee’s face burned, eyes wide, disbelieving what he heard, his body trembling as if recalling last night’s touch... intense, fierce, deep, as if melting his senses and body. Yet, amidst the hazy consciousness, Graph found it... gentler than ever.
It’s okay, I said I’d help.
Shhh, it’s okay, you damned troublemaker.
The soothing words whispered in Krittithee’s ear were etched in his memory, but Krittithee wasn’t sure if they were real or imagined. All Krittithee knew was that recalling it made this damned troublemaker unable to meet Pakin’s eyes, hunching as if hugging himself, managing only,
“I don’t know,” Krittithee said. He didn’t know anything anymore.
“...”
Krittithee didn’t know what face Phîi Pakin made, but he didn’t dare look up.
Meanwhile, Pakin felt a flash of irritation at not getting the answer he wanted. Yet, the awkward demeanor of the damned troublemaker softened his sharp gaze. The thing that had disturbed Pakin’s heart all night, keeping him awake, returned... those resolute eyes saying I’d be his alone.
Hmph.
Pakin brushed the thought away, then ordered,
“Don’t see Âi Seen again,” Pakin said. The command that started it all, making Graph look up, face red, meeting Pakin’s gaze.
Those naive eyes, thinking they were so grown but not understanding Pakin’s world at all, stared back... innocent, confused, making Pakin’s long legs step closer, and...
Boom!
“Whoa!” Krittithee exclaimed. Pakin’s hands slammed onto the armrests, making Graph recoil against the backrest, the older person leaning down with eyes that brooked no defiance. Eyes Krittithee never liked—no, hated.
“You know now how dangerous he is,” Pakin said.
“But he’s your friend,” Krittithee retorted, making Pakin smirk.
“As long as I don’t claim you as mine, Âi Seen doesn’t care if it’s a friend or not,” Pakin said. The words might mean nothing, but to Krittithee, they stung unbelievably, like a punch to the jaw. Phîi Pakin was saying Krittithee would never be his.
No, I’ll never be someone Pakin would claim to protect... right? Krittithee thought.
“Then why’d you bring me back here?” Krittithee asked.
Yeah, if you don’t care, why bring me back for bloody fucking nothing? Krittithee thought.
The thought showed on Krittithee’s face, making Pakin, concerned, speak in a strong voice,
“Otherwise, you’ll get yourself in trouble again!” Pakin said.
“But it’s not your business, is it?” Krittithee retorted.
“It damn well is, when you make me this worried!!!” Pakin shouted.
At Pakin’s words, Krittithee looked up, disbelieving his ears.
What? Phîi Pakin said... worried.
Pakin realized what he’d said, nearly rubbing his face hard but stopping himself, only looking into Krittithee’s eyes.
Pakin almost shouted that if something happened to Krittithee, he’d have problems with Krittithee’s father. But those teary eyes, lips bitten pale, stopped Pakin’s shouting, unbelievably calming him. Pakin could only sigh heavily.
“Graph, someone like me is surrounded by danger. You know that, right?” Pakin asked.
Though Krittithee didn’t answer, the young man knew it well.
“If you know, then stay put. Don’t cause me more trouble. I’ll let you stay here, at least you won’t get into trouble under my roof!” Pakin said. But to Krittithee, feeling small, he could only turn away, speaking harshly to hold back tears.
“One word, young. Two words, trouble. I’m just an annoying, bothersome youth in your eyes,” Krittithee said.
A youth who, no matter how hard I try, is never in your sights, Krittithee thought.
Normally, Pakin would’ve answered yes without mercy. But glancing at the fresh love mark on Krittithee’s pale neck, Pakin could only exhale sharply.
Grab!
“Huh?” Krittithee yelped in surprise as Pakin suddenly tilted his chin up, Krittithee’s eyes widening even more when...
Kiss.
“Be a well mannered youth and make me proud,” Pakin said.
The touch on Krittithee’s forehead was shocking enough, but the softened voice whispering gently made Graph feel like his heart would stop.
Krittithee sat rigid, staring at Pakin leaning down, with eyes not of a boss to a subordinate but... that Phîi Pakin…
That Phîi Pakin who was kind to Krittithee when he was a child.
“Listen to me, got it?” Pakin asked. Despite Krittithee being confused by Pakin’s demeanor, all Graph could do was nod slowly.
Krittithee’s compliance made Pakin stand tall, a sly smile forming, and...
“Same rules. Report where you’re going to someone in the house. There’s a driver at all times. No going off track, no going to Âi Seen’s pub, no following Phawit out late, no causing trouble, and go to school. I hope even a toddler could follow these simple rules, Khun-chai Krittithee,” Pakin said, getting what he wanted, stepping back with a satisfied tone, making Krittithee, fooled, turn sharply.
Phîi Pakin was just being kinder to make me let my guard down! Krittithee thought.
“I’m not a prisoner!” Krittithee exclaimed.
“But you just agreed to be my prisoner. Don’t cause trouble,” Pakin said, moving to leave the room, but paused, looking at Krittithee, who promised not to be stubborn, now clenching his teeth, then... sneering.
“One more thing... coming that easily, who’d want you?” Pakin said.
Forehead... gently. “Hey!!” Krittithee grabbed his crotch, shouting loudly, watching Pakin stride out without looking back. Krittithee’s eyes widened, unable to process everything, but one hand touched where...
The warmth of Pakin’s lips still lingered there.
A touch that made Krittithee’s heart tremble unbelievably.
“I hate myself,” Krittithee said.
Graph hated that just a bit of kindness made his heart... not behave as it should.
Grab.
Meanwhile, Pakin clenched his fist tightly, the sneer on his face fading as he recalled Krittithee’s eyes staring straight at him.
How could he not know what he’d done?
Pakin had sworn to himself to cut off that young man’s hopes, to make Krittithee know there was no way he’d succeed. But Pakin had broken several of his own rules in just a few hours. Being kind to Krittithee only complicated things, but...
“Krittithee’s been through enough,” Pakin said to himself.
Yesterday was too much for that young man to handle, with dangers all around. So Pakin... slipped, being kind despite knowing what would follow.
Krittithee would cling to him even more.
“Damn it!” Pakin cursed under his breath, knowing he should push Krittithee away but pulling him back time and again, letting Krittithee get closer than he should. And now... closer than ever, so close Pakin felt... a danger signal.
Too dangerous to keep close, but even more dangerous to let stray far.
“Just worried about a junior I’ve known for years,” Pakin said.
This was the reason Pakin kept telling himself, though he knew it was sounding less convincing by the day.
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