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~~~
What Phawit hated most was people who spoke nonsense, especially those he had already warned politely.
After the young model left his companion in a safe spot, he stepped down to the lower level, pushing through the crowd toward the large drink bar. He intended to order a drink for himself and sit to release some emotions pent up since returning to Thailand.
Today, he had no intention of eyeing anyone or being eyed.
Phawit had discovered long ago that the place where he could be most alone was amidst a crowd.
Not truly alone, but it felt like it.
Being alone, thinking alone, wallowing in countless thoughts was… too lonely. So, regardless of what others thought, Phawit preferred this atmosphere. Amidst bright lights shining in the darkness, he let his body and mind flow with intoxicating drinks, forgetting everything weighing on his heart. But before he could act on his desires, before he could even speak a word…
Thud.
“Long time no see, Khrap,” a man said. He stepped in close, raising a hand to wrap around Phawit’s waist, pulling him near with an intimacy that made Phawit glance over.
This fellow… oh.
“We just met yesterday,” Phawit replied.
Yes, he vaguely recalled. This man was someone he had been involved with during his last return to Thailand. And yesterday… it seemed they had crossed paths.
“Yes, Khrap, but yesterday you were with Khun Seen… Today it’s my turn, isn’t it?” the man said.
Whether it was or not, his face was attractive. Yet, his gleaming eyes, hinting at hidden intentions, leaned in close, forcing Phawit to tilt his neck to avoid him.
“Sorry, I don’t think I know you. And even if I did… I wouldn’t care to remember,” Phawit said with a cold smile, pushing the man’s chest away, intending to turn toward the counter. But…
Thud.
“Can’t remember your old Phûa?” the man asked.
Gruk.
The good-humored glint in Phawit’s eyes shifted instantly. They sparkled with a cold, angry intensity, unnoticed by the man who spoke, who leaned down to inhale the fragrant scent at the crook of Phawit’s neck. Phawit stood motionless but reached for the glass of a young woman nearby.
Splash!
“Hey!” the man exclaimed.
The vibrant drink was poured over his head by Phawit, who then let the glass strike him full in the face before it bounced off to hit the drink bar. The surrounding crowd gasped in shock. The drenched man looked up, furious.
“Hey, what the bloody fucking hell are you doing?!” he shouted.
“I can do more than that. Want to try?” Phawit replied with a cold smile. Though a slender, striking man, his gaze made the other… inadvertently step back.
Thud.
“You know who I am, don’t you? And you know what happens if I’m not pleased…” Phawit warned.
The young model grabbed another glass of liquor. The man’s eyes widened, suddenly recalling that this man he had once been close to was the cherished relative of someone powerful. Instead of lunging to grab Phawit’s collar, he could only retreat, watching as Phawit raised his hand, poised to smash the glass onto his cheek again. But…
Thud.
“Phîi Win!” someone shouted, rushing in to grab Phawit’s wrist just in time, making him turn sharply, ready for a confrontation.
“What the bloody fucking hell are you doing, Phîi?” Graph exclaimed. Despite his protest, Phawit sensed… concern.
It was an unmasked look of worry, so open that Phawit’s anger subsided remarkably.
“Phîi, don’t start trouble here!” Graph urged.
“I don’t need a little one who gets into trouble daily to lecture me,” Phawit said evenly, but calm enough to set the glass down. He didn’t bother explaining how Graph knew to intervene.
Though not in Thailand, Phawit kept tabs on those back home.
And yes, he knew that if trouble arose, a certain someone would appear.
“Are you alright, Khun Win? Khun Graph?” a voice asked.
“Hey, Phîi Chai, how did you get here?!” Graph shouted, turning to see the tall, imposing figure of a man who appeared from nowhere. Panchai gave a faint smile, reached into his suit pocket, pulled out a business card, placed it on the counter, and smiled at the staff.
“Send the bill for damages to this address,” he said, then turned his gaze to the liquor-soaked man. Taking two steps forward, he leaned down to whisper in his ear—Krittithee couldn’t hear what was said, but…
Whap.
The man’s eyes widened in shock, then he turned abruptly and slipped away immediately. Meanwhile, Komkrasin turned back with a smile, the kind of a man with a tough face but a kind heart.
“Shall we go back? Khun Win didn’t tell Khun Pakin beforehand that he was taking Khun Graph out. Khun Pakin is worried,” Panchai said.
“Worried?!” Krittithee echoed, bewildered and disbelieving, staring at Phîi Chai as if he were a bizarre creature. But Pakin’s right-hand man merely smiled, gestured toward the exit, avoiding eye contact with the other boss. Phawit turned and headed for the exit.
“Hey, Phîi Win… what kind of crazy thing is this?!” Graph called, hurrying after him. The one sent to retrieve them followed at a steady pace, unhurried, appearing at ease with fetching both bosses. But if anyone looked at Panchai’s palms, they would see… they were clenched so tightly they nearly bled.
“Back already?” Pakin asked.
Where’s the man who said he was worried? Krittithee thought.
Krittithee pursed his lips as he entered the grand mansion and saw the master of the house sitting, watching television, a sleek MacBook on his lap. Pakin asked casually, as if unconcerned about where his relative and the little one had been, prompting Krittithee to glance at Panchai.
You said he was worried. You lied, didn’t you? Krittithee thought, his eyes conveying the question.
Even standing right in front of Pakin, the man didn’t look up to meet Krittithee’s eyes or notice his attire.
“Whether I return or not, Phîi doesn’t seem to care,” Krittithee said irritably, prompting Pakin to meet his gaze.
“You disobeyed my order,” Pakin said in a strong voice, as if scolding. Krittithee shrugged.
“Phîi Win took me himself,” Krittithee replied, making Pakin pause briefly. He leaned back against the sofa and shook his head.
“Then consider it reported,” Pakin said. He had instructed that if Graph went anywhere, he must inform him, his close aide, or the housekeeper. Since Graph went with a close relative, one of the three was aware of his whereabouts, so there was no need to argue with this defiant little one. “I went to see Phîi Seen,” Phawit said.
Gruk.
“What did you say?!” Krittithee exclaimed.
The one who had followed spoke calmly, causing the strikingly handsome, authoritative man, who had been relaxed, to tense his shoulders. His sharp eyes darted to his cousin.
A look that made Krittithee feel… This is scary, he thought.
But Phawit was undeterred, adding, “I took Graph to see Phîi Seen.”
Crash!
Gasp!
That was it. The sleek MacBook on Pakin’s lap fell to the floor, its owner unconcerned. Now, the man who held power over all stood at his full height, his eyes, usually radiating malice, intensifying sharply, as if a massive wave surged within. His voice sent shivers through Krittithee, who thought himself brave enough to face this man.
“What did you say, Phawit?!” Pakin demanded, calling Phawit’s full name, a sign of his intense fury.
“I said I took Graph to see Phîi Seen,” Phawit repeated.
As Krittithee nearly stepped back, one man stepped forward to confront his older brother with a faint smile, raising his eyebrows as if to say, “What’s the issue?”
“Phawit!” Pakin shouted again.
“I know my own name, Phîi Pakin,” Phawit replied. This was the first time Krittithee heard the model address his older brother formally, making those fierce eyes gleam. Pakin grabbed Phawit’s shoulder and squeezed tightly.
Then, his face, masking rage, broke into a smile.
A terrifying smile that gradually erased the defiant smile of the one facing him.
“You know I can send you back to Korea right now, don’t you?” Pakin said.
Gruk.
The shift to a commanding pronoun signaled his authority as an older brother, not the usual leniency toward Phawit’s whims. Krittithee nearly glanced at the stern-faced man in the corner but stopped himself, pulled his hand free, and said evenly, “But Phîi Seen wasn’t there.”
Pakin narrowed his eyes briefly before releasing his grip.
“Good,” he said.
Then, Pakin turned to Krittithee, who still couldn’t piece together why this man named Seen was so significant that Pakin was this enraged.
Is he Phîi Pakin’s romantic partner? Krittithee thought, biting his lip until it hurt, harder still when Pakin spoke sternly, his sharp eyes locking onto Krittithee to emphasize the order.
“From now on, you are forbidden from returning to that club,” Pakin commanded.
Krittithee didn’t understand, nor did he try to. Hearing the prohibition, anger surged in his heart, his mind racing to conclude that Pakin saw him as a troublemaker again. When his Nong smashed a liquor glass in someone’s face, Pakin said nothing, but Krittithee merely stepping into Pakin’s world was met with abrupt rejection.
It was always like this. No matter how hard Krittithee tried to get close to Pakin, Pakin pushed him away.
“What will you do if I go?” Krittithee challenged, his anger fueling defiance. He stared fearlessly into Pakin’s eyes, which could almost kill. Not blazing like a fire, but chillingly cold, gripping his heart so none could oppose them.
Pakin stepped closer, leaving only a hand’s breadth between them.
“You’d better not make me angrier, Graph,” Pakin said in a chilling tone.
Krittithee’s heart trembled, staring into cruel, unyielding eyes. Unlike the man who had saved him from pursuit, or the one who once comforted him with a gentle embrace, there was no trace of softness. Pakin saw him as a mere subordinate daring to defy orders.
The look pierced Krittithee’s heart with unbearable pain.
Pluk.
“Fine, nothing I do is ever good in Phîi’s eyes. Phîi never cared about me anyway. So what if I make Phîi angry again? It won’t kill me!” Krittithee shouted, pushing Pakin’s chest and yelling in his face. This provoked the man with little patience for this little one to advance…
“Since Phîi doesn’t care about Graph, why should Phîi care who I take Graph to see?” Phawit interjected.
Gruk.
Before Pakin could grab Krittithee’s arm, drag him to a room, and lock him in to teach him a lesson for arguing, Phawit spoke with a cheerful tone, as if regaining composure, drawing Pakin’s icy glare.
“I heard you gave Graph to others easily… So why care only about Phîi Seen?” Phawit said.
“Phawit!” Pakin roared again, but the young model stood firm, especially when he glanced at Krittithee, who lifted his head defiantly despite a reddening nose and eyes betraying deep hurt, unable to hide his emotions. Phawit felt compelled to help.
“I just took Graph to broaden his horizons,” Phawit said.
“But not with that damned nuisance Seen!” Pakin snapped.
“Why not? You even introduced me to him,” Phawit countered.
Pakin fell silent, staring at his Nong, who was once quieter, gentler, more obedient. That changed because of a reckless decision to introduce him to a friend whose nature mirrored Pakin’s too closely.
“That’s what made you this way, Win,” Pakin said with a smile, words that cut Phawit’s heart deeply.
Phawit had grown jaded since meeting Phîi Seen, who taught him every first experience.
“But Phîi likes people like this, don’t you?” Phawit retorted, not giving the powerful man a chance to issue orders. His soft, captivating, yet chilling voice added, “If Graph becomes like this, Phîi should like him too. Attractive, charming… and skilled in bed.”
As Pakin fell silent, Phawit whispered, “Phîi Seen can teach Graph to be that way, older brother.”
“Hmph.”
Gruk.
Phawit, expecting a reaction, was stunned when Pakin, seething with rage, laughed—a low chuckle that grew into a booming laugh, as if hearing the funniest thing. Then Pakin smiled.
“This little one? No amount of damned nuisance Seens could make me care about him,” Pakin said.
Gruk.
The brief words devastated Krittithee, who was on the verge of tears. His fists clenched, eyes burning, heart crushed by the man before him, overwhelmed by self-loathing. No matter what he did, he’d never matter to Pakin.
Meanwhile, the cousins locked eyes, neither yielding, until…
Whap!
“Ouch!” Pakin exclaimed.
A watch struck Pakin’s back, making him turn angrily to see Krittithee, stifling sobs, shoulders shaking, lips pale from biting, body trembling with rage. He shouted across the large living room, “Whatever I do is my business! Phîi has no right to forbid me anything! Remember that, you damned shit-lizard!”
Krittithee, who had just thrown an expensive watch at Pakin’s back, turned and ran swiftly from the room. The men in the room couldn’t miss the back of his hand wiping his face.
Only Phawit smiled at the sight.
“That’s right. Whatever Graph does is Graph’s business,” Phawit said.
“Don’t take that little one to see that damned nuisance Seen!” Pakin ordered sternly, prompting Phawit to tilt his head.
“Why, Kin? Because you’ve kept that little one from Phîi Seen all along?” Phawit asked.
“Don’t cross the line!” Pakin warned.
The unanswered question met only a dangerous, low growl and terrifying eyes, making Phawit, who had sensed something from Pakin’s anger, smile faintly.
“Since Phîi doesn’t care about him, why should Phîi care who Graph sleeps with?” Phawit said, smiling again before turning, brushing past Panchai’s shoulder, and leaving the room like a victor, leaving Pakin standing still—not in defeat, but with a terrifying stillness that made Panchai lower his gaze to the floor.
The alliance of those two juniors had enraged the boss.
***
Though Krittithee dreaded morning’s arrival, it came inevitably.
This morning, he wanted to avoid facing Pakin, seeing him, talking, or hearing anything from him—not just due to anger, hurt, or sadness from Pakin’s cruel words, which showed no regard for his feelings, but because he didn’t want Pakin to see his weakness.
The weakness reflected in his red, swollen eyes, like someone who hadn’t slept and had cried.
I hate myself for crying over Phîi Pakin, as much as I hate never being able to let him go, Krittithee thought.
Pakin sat waiting in the dining room with a coffee, staring at Krittithee with a cold, dissatisfied gaze lingering from last night, making Krittithee’s step falter. He turned to leave.
“Where are you going?” Pakin asked.
“Hmph, I’m a student. Where else would I go?” Krittithee replied, standing still as Pakin’s strong voice questioned him. He clenched his fists when Pakin continued.
“Come sit and eat breakfast properly,” Pakin, the temporary guardian, ordered. Krittithee wanted to fling a bowl of porridge in his face but instead turned back, strode to the table, grabbed the glass of milk the staff poured upon seeing him, and drank it gulp gulp until empty.
Plunk.
“I’ve eaten. Can I go now?” Krittithee asked.
Their eyes locked in silence, casting unease over the dining room, freezing everyone. Pakin nodded slowly, but before Krittithee could move…
“Yes… but remember, you’re forbidden from that club,” Pakin reiterated.
Again! Have I done such wrong by wanting to enter his world? Why am I rejected like this? Krittithee thought.
Recalling last night’s grievance, Krittithee gritted his teeth, clenched his fists, and swallowed his hurt, staring at Pakin’s commanding eyes. This was an order, not a request or statement—Pakin’s will, which all must obey.
But not someone so deeply wounded.
Krittithee smiled, a smile that made Pakin narrow his eyes, before saying loudly, “My own Phô can’t even order me. Who does Phîi think you are?”
Whap.
“Graph!” Pakin roared.
Krittithee strode out of the dining room, ignoring Pakin’s menacing growl. Even if Pakin broke his neck, he’d return to that club to see who this damned shit-lizard Seen was, who drove Pakin to such fury.
It’s fine. If Phîi Pakin won’t allow it, I’ll ask Phîi Win, Krittithee thought.
Yesterday, he despised the model, but today, after last night’s protection, he trusted him. Phîi Win may be scary, but he’s far kinder than Phîi Pakin, he thought.
With that, Krittithee rushed to the waiting car. Panchai, about to introduce the regular driver, said nothing, only nodding to his subordinate. Krittithee’s pained expression, caused by his boss, wasn’t suited for talk.
Pakin, cruel in outsiders’ eyes, had long shielded this little one from danger.
“Let’s skip today, Janjao,” Krittithee said.
“Is something wrong, Graph?” Janjao asked.
“I don’t want to talk about anything,” Krittithee replied.
With sunken eyes, Krittithee strode past patrolling teachers to the school’s back building, a hangout for him and friends from other classes. After the morning assembly, he told his worried friend, who wanted to ask but nodded and promised to keep lecture notes.
Today, no one was there, which suited Krittithee, who wanted no company.
Crash!
Krittithee threw his schoolbag onto a stone bench, lay down, propped his legs on another bench, rested his head on the bag, covered his face with both hands, and closed his eyes. The previous night’s cold gaze flooded his mind—the gaze of a man who said, No matter how hard I try, I’ll never matter.
“Damned shit-lizard tears!” Krittithee muttered, gritting his teeth as tears he tried to suppress flowed again. I hate this weakness, he thought, despising himself. Yet, the annoying clear drops kept spilling, forcing him to cover his eyes tightly.
“Stop crying, you damned shit-lizard Graph!” he growled.
“That’s right. Tears don’t help,” a voice said.
Gasp!
Thinking he was alone, Krittithee jolted when a voice came from above. Lowering his hands, he revealed a tear-streaked face and wide, shocked eyes, seeing a young man in the same student uniform.
His close-cropped haircut, like that of a Thai military training student, didn’t diminish his appeal. The short cut suited his sharp eyes, high nose, and lips curving slightly as he offered a dark handkerchief.
“Want to wipe your face, Nong Graph?” the young man asked.
“Who are you?!” Krittithee demanded.
Regaining composure, Krittithee stood, wiped his face with his hand, and glared suspiciously at the peer, his voice harsh. The other paused, scratching his head.
“You really don’t know me?” he asked.
“No,” Krittithee replied.
Krittithee wouldn’t take the handkerchief easily. The other sighed, lowered his hand, looking deflated at being unrecognized.
“Phîi’s name is Night, a student council member, and right now, Phîi’s thinking of catching a truant for discipline…” the young man said.
Thud.
Before he finished, Krittithee grabbed his bag, ready to bolt to avoid school punishment. But the other was faster, grabbing his shoulder and pushing him back onto the bench, leaning over him.
“Just kidding. If Phîi turned you in, Phîi would be in trouble too,” the senior said casually. Krittithee, unamused, swatted his hand away, glaring.
What’s this bloody fucking nonsense? I want to be alone, and this damned nuisance senior shows up, babbling, Krittithee thought.
“I’m skipping too. Stayed up late last night, out partying. Got home at three, too sleepy to study. Planned to nap in the infirmary but found the famous student first… We actually met last night,” the senior said.
Gruk.
Krittithee, plotting an escape from this bizarre senior, froze, turning to meet his smiling gaze.
“What’s your thing with that model?” Night asked.
He was at the club! Krittithee thought, letting his bag drop, eyeing the other warily. Handsome, good-natured, seemingly harmless, it was hard to believe he could enter that place. Krittithee needed confirmation.
“Phîi isn’t old enough,” he said.
“But I'm close with the club owner,” the senior replied.
“Close with that damned nuisance Phîi Seen!” Krittithee exclaimed, eyes wide, voice loud, making the other pause before laughing.
“No one’s called Phîi Seen ‘damned nuisance’ before… Are you close with him, or…” Night trailed off, shaking his head slightly in a way Krittithee didn’t interpret. Fueled by last night’s anger and a desire to defy the heartless Pakin, Krittithee shot back, “I want to meet Phîi Seen.”
Night fell silent, then sat beside him.
“You're interested in Phîi Seen?” Night asked cautiously.
“Yes,” Krittithee replied firmly.
Night sighed, his eyes glinting with hope. “Then if Graph is interested in a man like Phîi Seen, I... have hope too, right?”
Krittithee, puzzled, stared at Night’s sharp, smiling face but accepted his words.
“This evening, I will take you,” Night said.
This was exactly what Krittithee wanted. He yearned to see what made Seen so special, enough to enrage Pakin. That anger… hurt Krittithee’s heart more than anyone else’s.
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