Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
Thwack!
In the lavish mansion situated on over ten rai of land, the influential eldest heir slapped his trusted subordinate full across the face with the back of his hand, the sound echoing throughout the reception hall. Graph, who had been dragged there, could only widen his eyes in shock, staring at the tall, bearded man whose face was turned away. Within mere seconds, blood began to stream from Panchai’s nose, forcing a loud exclamation.
“Hey! How could you do that, Phîi Pakin!” Graph shouted.
Graph or Krittithee sprang up immediately, stepping forward intending to confront the issue, but Panchai, who had been slapped, raised his hand in a stopping gesture and spoke in a polite voice.
“I’m fine, Khun Graph,” Panchai said.
“Fine my foot, Phîi Chai! Your nose is bleeding!” Graph continued to protest, also feeling guilty and upset because his actions were now adversely affecting an unrelated outsider.
I found my own way into the event. Nobody let me in, Graph thought.
Krittithee gritted his teeth, snapping his head around to glare at Pakin’s face, only to freeze.
The look in Pakin’s eyes held nothing but... irritation.
It was the same look he had given me since childhood.
“You know I do not allow youths like you into my events,” Pakin said in a displeased tone, making Krittithee bite his own lip until it hurt, trying to suppress his anger. But it never stayed suppressed when he was in front of the man named Pakin.
“A youth like me? You should just say it straight that you do not want me meddling in your life!” Krittithee shouted.
“Well, so you do know,” Pakin said.
Silence
The cruel words made Krittithee clench his fists tightly, grinding his teeth. He snapped his head up to look at the taller man with intense anger mixed with... hurt.
This upward glance clearly revealed Krittithee's face.
Graph was a good-looking youth with the pale complexion of a Khun-chai who had never done a day of manual labor. His eyes were not particularly large or sharp, but they were pleasant to look at. His nose was elegantly high-bridged, and his thin lips would have been a vibrant color if they were not currently pressed together into a pale line. While his tall, slender frame might have made him seem older, it was undermined by the fact that he was still wearing a school uniform.
A school uniform! Yes, Krittithee was only in the fifth year of secondary school.
The furious secondary school youth glared back at Pakin, who stared him down, utterly indifferent to Krittithee's feelings.
“Now that you know, do not come causing trouble at my events again,” Pakin said.
“Trouble? They started it with me!” Being labeled an annoyance, Krittithee shouted right in his face, causing Pakin to merely frown and curl the corner of his mouth into a... mocking smile.
A mocking smile laced with displeasure.
“Hey, want me to guess?” Pakin asked in a casual tone, leaning in a little closer to Krittithee's face, his eyes glancing at the sleeves still rolled up like some street ruffian’s. “You bumped into them, or they bumped into you. But an entitled youth like you refused to say sorry, did you not? Some foolish nonsense like that.”
Grind
Krittithee gritted his teeth even harder, so much that they hurt, because Pakin in front of him was making a gesture like an explosion, utterly irritating. But it was filled with contempt, and damn it, everything Pakin said was true.
Even though he was furious to the point of near collapse, he had only brushed past them slightly before having his shoulder grabbed. When told to apologize, he had protested, asking why he should apologize for such a trivial matter. One thing led to another, and it became what everyone at the event saw... an undeniable truth.
The expression and look in Pakin’s eyes that said he was right made Pakin just sigh and turn away.
“Do not show your face at the event again,” Pakin said.
“Why? Because I am still in secondary school? But not everyone at your event is over eighteen, you know!” Upon being forbidden, Krittithee asked indignantly. He had lurked around, scoping out this event many times, slipped money to the gatekeeper numerous times, but had never caused trouble because he had managed to stay unseen. This time, however, he got caught red-handed.
Therefore, Krittithee had clearly seen that people of various age groups attended this event. Bloody fuck it, there were other secondary school youths too.
This made Pakin turn back again.
“Because they are more mature than you... not in age, but in...” Pakin said.
Pakin raised his hand and pointed to his own temple, making Krittithee so angry his face turned red. Angry enough to want to punch Pakin’s face, angry enough to want to do anything to wipe that handsome face’s smile away. But all he could do was retort, unable to contain his anger.
“I am not an immature youth anymore. I am 18,” Krittithee said.
“Immature youths are all the same, saying they are not immature youths,” Pakin still said, and added in a cold voice, “Because if you were not an immature youth, you should know whose son you are and what your standing is at the event.... And that I would be the one facing the trouble,” Pakin said.
“My parents do not give a damn what I am!” The moment Pakin finished, Krittithee immediately retorted, but this time his voice trembled so much Pakin could feel it. But... it elicited no pity.
“Whether your parents care or not is none of my business... I shall have someone take you home,” Pakin said, then nodded to Panchai standing there wiping blood, indicating he could take this annoying youth out of this house now. However, Krittithee himself refused, plopping down onto the sofa, looking over with a glint in his eyes.
“I am not going back. Even if I go back, there is no one there,” Krittithee said.
“Do not come here acting like a neglected, unloved youth,” Pakin said.
Snap
Pakin’s deep voice now showed signs of anger, making Krittithee just turn his face away, hiding the tears welling up to the brim. But he refused to cry and make Pakin pity him even more, so he dug his nails into his own arm, gripping it tightly until it shook.
A demeanor that Pakin saw, that Panchai saw, but neither said anything.
“I hate my Phô!” Krittithee growled in his throat, making Pakin roll his eyes.
“But I respect your Phô. That’s the only reason I have not killed you off over ten years ago,” Pakin said.
Snap
“You do not respect him! You and my Phô have mutual benefits, that’s all! If my Phô was not a politician, was not a minister, was not in a position to keep you from legal trouble, would you still respect him!” Krittithee's shrieked question echoed, making Pakin raise an eyebrow, and then....
Grab
“Ow!” Krittithee cried as Pakin yanked the collar of Krittithee's shirt up until their faces were level.
Then, Pakin spoke in a voice so low it was terrifying.
“See, this is what I mean by you being an immature youth.... Smart people know what should and should not be said. But you do not even have the brains to figure that out,” Pakin said.
Shove
Crash!
Krittithee's body was shoved back down onto the sofa. Krittithee was seething with resentment, but could not say anything.
“You can go now. I need to rest,” Pakin crossed his arms and stated flatly, making Krittithee, struggling with all his might to hold back... struggling not to cry, spring up.
If I stay here any longer, I shall definitely cry pathetically, Krittithee thought.
“Then give me my bike back. I can go back myself,” Krittithee said.
“That kid's toy, you mean,” Pakin said.
“My bike is not a toy! I ride a BMW!” Krittithee continued to argue, because the superbike he got cost 1.2 million, with a 4-cylinder, 1000 CC engine, flawless.
Even Pakin could not say his bike was not good.
However, Pakin, who thought it was not good, just shook his head.
“Even if the bike were not a kid's toy, the rider is an immature youth. It’s just a youth’s toy... You can go now,” Pakin waved him away as he stepped in another direction, making Krittithee grit his teeth hard.
“Give me my bike back!” Krittithee shouted.
At these words, Pakin just glanced back slightly, curling the corner of his mouth into a smile.
“Once it’s dismantled, I shall send the scrap metal to you,” Pakin said.
“Phîi Pakin! Good Lord!” Krittithee shouted.
Krittithee could only shout the name loudly, hurt and unable to bear it. Fine, damn it, let him have the bike, Krittithee thought, then turned in the other direction, using the back of his hand to swipe across his face once, to wipe away the welling tears. In my heart, I am shouting, Krittithee thought.
Just that...
I hate you, hate you, hate you! Krittithee thought.
Even though deep down... he felt the exact opposite.
***
“Good Lord, that Âi-juvenile-hellspawn!” Pakin exclaimed.
After successfully ejecting Krittithee from the house, Pakin went and dropped himself onto a large sofa, raising a hand to his forehead, feeling both irritated and dissatisfied, while also suppressing the anger that something significant tonight had been ruined because of Krittithee alone.
Who would think that just one youth could be let slide, just let him walk around the event? Pakin thought. But he could not indulge Krittithee, could not give in to Krittithee. The major reason was that if he gave in, Krittithee would never stop following him around like a duckling following its Mâe. And a freedom-loving person like him... would be utterly irritated.
“I hate bloody fucking youths,” Pakin muttered.
Pakin muttered to himself as Panchai approached.
“I have sent Khun Graph back, Khrap,” Panchai said.
“Good!” Pakin replied with just one word, still leaning back on the sofa with his eyes closed because he felt a throbbing headache the moment he saw Krittithee's face.
“Every time I meet this junior, it’s nothing but trouble,” Pakin said. Then Pakin bounced up to sit straight, rubbing his head vigorously, while recalling events from nearly ten years ago when he met that ill-mannered youth.
He knew Krittithee because of his Phô’s business dealings with Krittithee's Phô, so he had introduced his son. He did not know what possessed Krittithee to take such a liking to him, resulting in him persistently trying to come find him. And back then, he was just a reckless young man who wanted sex more than he wanted to look after a junior. Moreover, every time he met Krittithee, his life was nothing but one mess after another.
At first, he thought that after returning from studying in America, Krittithee would be more mature, have some sense, or go play with youths his own age. But no. When Krittithee returned four years ago, Krittithee had tried even harder to imitate what he did, more so than when he was a youth.
These days, the only reason he did not drag him off and dump him at his own doorstep was because of the word “benefits” with Krittithee's Phô. Because if Krittithee caused trouble... he would be the one who had to step forward.
“Krittithee respects me greatly. Anyway, his Phô entrusted his son to me,” Pakin recalled.
“Look after him yourself, damn it!” Thinking about being saddled with this, I cannot help but curse in irritation, Pakin thought, making Panchai speak up.
“Khun Pakin, you should talk to Khun Graph properly. He’s still young, after all,” Panchai said, sinking onto another sofa, making Pakin turn to look him in the eye.
“You’re too soft-hearted, Chai,” Pakin said.
“Khun Graph is pitiful. When I took him back, he was secretly crying in the car,” Panchai said.
However, expecting the word ‘pity’ from Pakin’s mouth would require hell freezing over and heaven collapsing, because he just curled the corner of his mouth and said in a slightly improved tone, “Then that means I shall have peace and quiet for at least a week. Ideally, he would never show his face again, even better,” Pakin said because just thinking his life would not have that ill-mannered youth causing trouble made him feel immensely better.
Meanwhile, Panchai asked, not understanding. “If you tried talking to Khun Graph, explaining properly that he should not come into the event because if anything happened, we would be in trouble, he might listen,” Panchai said.
“Do you think I have not tried? That damned youth would just argue that he can take care of himself, that he is grown up... Grown up, my foot. His attitude is no different from when he was seven,” Pakin said wearily because he had tried every possible way to get Krittithee to stop bothering him, but it never worked. At most, Krittithee would disappear for a day or two, then pop up again. So he knew what the best method to drive him away was.
Venting my anger on an outsider... he shall feel remorseful for about two weeks, Pakin thought.
This thought made his gaze fall on the large bruise on Panchai’s face, and he sighed.
“Next time Krittithee comes, do not forget to wear a mouthguard,” Pakin said.
Since Pakin could not blame Krittithee, the moment Krittithee showed up, Panchai knew he had to step forward and take the hit so Pakin could take it out on him. And that was the best way to punish the thoughtless youth.
At these words, Panchai smiled.
“It’s all right. Having some bruises adds a certain charm,” Panchai said, a small bit of humor that made Pakin laugh along.
“Go put something cold on it. Otherwise, charm might turn into horror,” Pakin said, because he had hit Panchai with full force earlier too.
Then, Pakin stood up, stretching his aching back, and grabbed one of his phones.
“Are you free now?” Pakin did not even look at the name of who he was calling because this phone was specifically for relieving stress, for venting emotions. So the contacts saved were naturally people he had vetted to not cause headaches and could truly help him “relax.”
[If it’s Phîi Pakin, I am always free, Khrap], the voice replied.
Even though the response sounded sleepy, excitement was clearly transmitted through the line, making Pakin glance at his watch and see it was past four in the morning. He simply said, “Half an hour. Meet me at the condo."
Pakin said and hung up, stuffed the phone into his pocket, and was about to step out of the house to find an outlet for the intense emotions he had not vented at the arena. But as he walked past Panchai, who also acted as his secretary and special manager, knowing the ins and outs of his underground racing circuit, Panchai asked,
“What should we do about Khun Graph’s bike, Khrap?” Panchai asked.
Pakin paused for a moment.
“Should we dismantle it for parts, Khrap?” Panchai asked, as if echoing the order from earlier, making Pakin smirk.
“You’re taking Krittithee's side so blatantly it’s obvious,” Pakin said.
“I just feel sorry for him,” Panchai said. Even though he was being sarcastically mocked by Panchai, Pakin just waved his hand.
“Have Payu take a look at the engine for him. Tell him even an elementary youth could ride it, that would be even better,” Pakin said before walking out of the room. And even though his words were laced with the weariness of having to look out for Krittithee, unavoidable as it was, there was still a trace of slight concern given to.... the annoying youth.... he had known for over ten years.
***
Even though the school bell had been ringing for an hour, even though most students had already entered their classrooms, even though some teachers were already patrolling looking for truants, for all the delinquent youths, there was always a secret spot that even if the teachers turned the school upside down, they still would not find.
Right now, behind the school, deep inside the greenhouse, five or six students were sitting around engrossed in portable games, while talking about crude topics with the coarse language typical of reckless youth. Krittithee was sitting leaning back against a post, looking in another direction as if uninterested in anything.
“Hey, Âi Graph, you said you wanted to try... want some?” Suddenly, one friend spoke up and asked, making Krittithee turn to look. He saw the lit cigarette in his friend’s hand.
Another friend frowned. “Put that out right now. If a teacher sees, we are all in trouble,” the friend said.
“Do not be such a coward. Even if they find the butt, they shall just think it was another teacher who smoked it,” the friend said, extending the item in his hand toward Krittithee. Krittithee was silent for just a flash before reaching out.
“Graph! Found you at last!” a voice called.
But before Krittithee could accept the cigarette that his friends rarely brought, a call from behind made Krittithee turn around, encountering a long-haired young woman with a clear face and a fine figure, who was breathing a little heavily, having to hold her ribs. And the moment Janjao saw what was in his friend’s hand, her round eyes widened immediately.
“What are you juniors doing?” Janjao asked.
“Your Mâe is here, dude,” a friend teased.
Even though his friend teased, Janjao paid no attention, instead quickly stepping forward and grabbing Krittithee's hand.
“Let’s go, Graph. It is very late already,” Janjao said.
“Do not bother me, Janjao!” Krittithee shouted.
Silence
Krittithee, who was skipping class, shook her hand off, even shouting in her face, which shocked Janjao. She could only look at Krittithee's irritated, frightening face, then slowly lowered her hand, speaking softly.
“I am sorry, Graph. I just saw you came to school but did not go to class, so I came to find you,” Janjao said, before glancing at the item in his other friend’s hand, pursing her lips slightly. She wanted to tell him not to mess with that stuff, but she was too considerate of the other friends and did not want problems later. In the end, she could only give up.
“I am sorry for interrupting. Next period is Physics. I shall save a seat for you,” Janjao gave a smile, then turned to go back the way she came. Judging by the time, if she did not want to be late and scolded, she had to run back. But...
Grab
“What,” Janjao exclaimed. Before she could act on her thought, her wrist was grabbed first, forcing her to turn back, and then she encountered… Krittithee, who gave a smile. “I am sorry, Janjao,” Krittithee said. The image of the good-looking youth apologizing remorsefully, but within his eyes was not just remorse; it was full of regret, apology, and fear that his friend would be angry.
“It is all right, I am not angry... Shall we go?” Janjao invited with a bright smile. Krittithee nodded slowly, turned to grab his backpack, swung it over his shoulder, and followed.
“Well, well, well, following your Mâe, eh, dude?” a friend teased.
“Âi Graph is scared of his Mia, huh?” another mocked.
“Hey now, where are you going? Skipping class, are you not?” another teased.
The teasing voices from behind made Krittithee snap his head around, saying in a strong voice,
“Watch your mouths. Do not talk about my friend like that,” Krittithee said. After speaking, he quickly pulled Janjao’s arm away. Janjao sighed in relief that it did not escalate further.
Once the two returned to the school building, heading to the building leading to the Physics classroom, Janjao jumped in front, looked up at Krittithee, and asked, “Last night... did something happen?”
Silence
That single question made Krittithee's legs freeze. The delinquent troublemaker from moments ago suddenly looked crestfallen. His expressive eyes changed to hurt. He looked down at the tips of his school shoes and let out a long sigh.
“I got yelled at... again,” Krittithee said.
The words made Janjao also feel heavy-hearted.
Truthfully, Krittithee never intended to tell anyone his story, not even his closest friends. But because last semester he overheard Janjao talking to another friend about having an older brother who was gay, had a male romantic partner, and that her family accepted it. Moreover, she openly embraced it, so he approached her, talked to her, wanting to get to know her, wanting to ask, How do I get a man to notice me, damn it?
Until they became close, he accidentally blurted it out. So Janjao was the only one who knew what was on his mind.
Krittithee, who was trying every way to get a certain man to notice him.
Krittithee, who knew well there was no chance but refused to give up.
Give up? Think I have never tried? Krittithee thought. In the end, his gaze drifted back to Pakin, who called him just an annoying youth.
“But Graph, hanging out with delinquent youths, smoking, or doing bad things shall not make anything better,” Janjao said.
“Phîi Pakin likes that type,” Krittithee replied.
The moment Janjao cautioned him, Krittithee replied in a weak voice.
Krittithee had tried for years, tried to act more mature than his age, tried to learn about various things, tried to become what Phîi Pakin liked.
Everyone Phîi Pakin associated with was an older person, good-looking, charming, confident, and... worldly.
That’s why Krittithee had to try even harder. His social circle never encouraged stepping out of line, but the school environment had loopholes that allowed him to learn. It took him years before his bloody fucking Phô bought him this BMW. Not because he liked racing bikes, but because... he wanted to be someone Phîi Pakin could accept.
“Are you sure, Graph? Are you sure that even if you drink, smoke, or even do drugs... that Phîi shall come to love you?” This time, Janjao asked in a serious tone, making Krittithee gasp and turn his face away.
“No..... even if I die.... no, if I die, he would probably be glad there is no annoying youth pestering him anymore,” Krittithee said.
“Do not say that, Graph. What did he say last night?” Janjao asked, the question making Krittithee think of last night’s events, his two hands clenching together tightly.
“He said I was a brainless youth. And then he took my bike away,” Krittithee said.
“Was he worried about you, Graph?” But then, Janjao’s voice made Krittithee, who was so sad he cried last night, look up.
“Worried?” Krittithee asked.
“Yes. Maybe he was worried about you taking the bike out for a spin... Wait, do not tell me you sneaked into that racing event again?” Remembering, Janjao exclaimed in alarm, clearly recalling Krittithee's stories about it being a monthly event that sounded terrifying, making Krittithee evade the question.
“It was nothing, really. And about being worried...” Knowing Janjao was changing the subject, Krittithee gave an affectionate smile and reluctantly went along with it a bit.
“Yes, he was worried. Taking the bike out for a spin, if you fell, it would be a problem,” Janjao said.
“No way... he does not worry about me,” Krittithee said.
Even though Krittithee's mouth said that, his heart leapt for a brief moment, happy that Phîi Pakin might worry about me a little, Krittithee thought. And it showed in his beautiful eyes, making Janjao tilt her head and smile knowingly.
“There, you are smiling,” Janjao said amusedly, making Krittithee quickly turn his face away.
“Who’s smiling? You are imagining things,” Krittithee said.
“Yes, yes, imagining things then,” Janjao said while walking ahead, letting Krittithee follow. Krittithee's deep voice then asked uncertainly.
“Janjao, do you think I can go see him again?” Krittithee asked.
Snap
Janjao turned and gave a sweet smile, speaking to boost his confidence.
“Graph, how many years have you been doing this? Would you give up just like this?” Janjao asked. The answer, posed as a question, made Krittithee pause for a moment, though Janjao already got the answer from his eyes.
Absolutely not, Krittithee thought.
“All right, first step is to make that Phîi Pakin stop calling you an annoying youth,” Janjao said determinedly, which made Krittithee feel a bit downcast at the term ‘annoying youth’ because Pakin’s gaze and words surfaced in his mind.
However, the encouragement he received made Krittithee mumble sheepishly.
“Thank you, Janjao. You are the only one on my side,” Krittithee said.
“Ha, ha, do not go charming me into falling for you when your heart belongs to someone else,” Janjao turned to tease him playfully, making Krittithee unable to help but laugh.
“No need. What did you call yourself again?... a sao wai...” Krittithee said.
“A sao wai shall die of bliss because men get together.... yes,” Janjao said with a laugh, making Krittithee grin widely.
This might be one reason I feel comfortable around Janjao... she sees me only as a friend... a friend she can use to swoon over who-knows-what by herself, Krittithee thought. “Hey, you two! Why are you not in class yet!” But before Krittithee could say anything, a teacher’s voice shouting from the other side of the building made both of them snap their heads around. Well then... run for it!
As Krittithee was running away from the teacher with a smile, Pakin, who thought I would be disheartened and disappear for a couple of weeks to give him peace and quiet, is wrong. I shall not give up just like this, Phîi Pakin! Krittithee thought firmly.
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