Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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What did I (Kuu) say?... The matters in Thailand can wait. Right now, let me (Kuu) be happy with this moment first.
I shouldn't have. I (Kuu) shouldn't have thought like that. Should have listened to the coping plan from Phîi Porsche first. Not have fun so much that I forgot everything until having to sit here sweating in front of my own Phôo and Mâe and Phîi Porsche's parents like this!
“What does this mean, huh? Âi'Porsche!!! What does this mean?!”
After the two of them returned to Thailand, Purin received an urgent phone call from his Phôo to come to the house. Even though Dear was anxious, he had promised Phîi Porsche and Jae Dream that he wouldn't run away anymore. He would face all the older persons. He would not agree to lose this love. But as soon as he entered the house, seeing Uncle Sak sitting with a furious face, Aunt Ni looking stressed, and also Mâe sitting pale-faced made his heart drop similarly.
“It means exactly what you (Thâan) see, Khráp. I will not break up with Dear, and I will not get engaged to Dream.”
At the same time, Purin spoke with a firm tone as he made eye contact with his Bì-daa without a hint of joking, until Khun Sak became even more angry, blood rising to his face. His dark eyes glared, staring at his son's hand that was holding the hand of his close friend's son without regard for the older persons' gaze. Meanwhile, Dear bowed his head to look at his own knees, his pale face showing how very afraid he was.
“Âi'Porsche!!!” A shout echoed throughout the large hall, in a way that Dear bit his own lip until it hurt. The hand Purin was holding trembled noticeably, and that made the tall person turn to look. His pair of sharp eyes clearly showed concern that Khun Dara also saw clearly.
“It’s okay. We’ll get through this together.” The tall person whispered softly, then turned to his Bì-daa, who was even angrier that the two youths were expressing themselves more clearly than before.
“...Phôo, Khráp. I love Dear. No matter how you (Thâan) force us to break up, I will not break up.” Then Purin spoke loudly and clearly. His pair of sharp eyes radiated a resolute glint, until Dear felt he shouldn't let Phîi Porsche bear it alone like this. And that made him take a deep breath.
“Uncle Sak, I truly love Phîi Porsche, Khráp...”
“And doesn't Dear think of his Phôo's and uncle's faces at all! Porsche is the eldest son of this house. Dear himself is the only son of Âi'Yut. Doesn't Dear think where we uncles will put our faces because two sons get together themselves, huh?!!!” The truth coming from the older person's mouth made the listener press his lips together tightly.
He knew that Porsche was the eldest son. He had known all along.
A thought expressed on his face until Purin gripped his own lover's hand tighter.
“But Phôo also has Âi'Lex. Even if it’s not me, Lex can give you (Thâan) grandchildren.” Words that Khun Sak knew well. He had two sons. And from Âi'Lex announcing loudly that he would never marry a man, he probably had to worry more about him getting someone pregnant before marriage than him not having an heir to carry on the lineage. But still, he could not accept same-sex love in the family.
“And what about you, Dear? Don't you think of your parents' faces at all?” When he knew he couldn't attack the eldest son, he chose to attack the person with a much weaker heart. And that made Dear bow his head very low, in a way that Darinphan also felt apprehensive.
Don't you dare break down now, Âi'Dear. I (dì-chǎn) will kill you and hide you in a toilet.
“Dear knows...” But then, a trembling voice spoke up amidst a moment of silence. Then the pale face of the person about to cry looked up.
After that, Dear turned to meet the gaze of his Mārdā, who was about to cry along with her son, and raised his hands in a wai.
“Mâa-Máa, Khráp. Dear is sorry. Dear knows Dear has disappointed Mâa-Máa, has disappointed Bpa-Bpǎa. Has no face to look at anyone. But Dear... Dear truly loves Phîi Porsche, Khráp.” A voice full of guilt that made both mothers feel heartache, especially the Mārdā of Dranphat.
She might not agree that her son loved a man, but she also hurt no less than Dear for having to hurt his feelings. A mother, seeing her child hurt, hurts even more. And the whole time Dear's condition kept getting worse made this heart ache more than anything.
How could she bear it? Her beloved little son calling himself a bizarre-person. She would
“But Dear also knows his aunt would never agree.” Khun Dara said with a troubled voice. She didn't know if it was good or not that her husband had returned to England to work. Because if he found out later that her good daughter deceived that she was in love with Porsche, and also that her son had reconciled with Porsche like this, she didn't know what he would do.
“But Dear loves Phîi Porsche....”
“How would you know this is love? You're this age. It's just the delusion of youth, that's all.” But then, Sak said with a strong voice, making the person he loved like a nephew turn to look even though his eyes were glistening with clear teardrops.
A face that made the anger lessen little by little, replaced with pity.
Slump.
But then, at that moment, Dear stood up. He also pulled his hand from Purin and did something that made everyone's mouths hang open... the puppy was kneeling down in front of Sak and prostrating at his feet.
“Dear! What are you doing?!” Purin was the first to regain his composure and quickly moved to grab Dear's shoulder to make him stand up. But the little one shook his shoulder away, still bowing prostrate like that, and a trembling voice sounded.
“Dear is sorry, Uncle Sak. Dear is sorry...”
“Dear, that's enough! Whoever doesn't accept, forget it. I (Phîi) told you (Mueng) that no matter what, I (Phîi) will not agree to break up with Dear!”
Then Purin spoke loudly, trying to pull the little one until Dear looked up, revealing a face full of tears. His large, round eyes were red and swollen as they met the eyes of the older relative he respected.
“Let Dear love... Phîi Porsche... Khráp... Let Dear... Hic... love, Khráp... Hic... Hic... I'm sorry... Forgive us. Let us love each other, can you, Khráp?”
All the older persons almost turned their faces away when they saw their child/nephew crying heavily. The voice that spoke out trembled until it was almost incomprehensible. And he still refused to stand up as Purin pulled, until the mother had to cover her face, letting tears flow from both eyes.
What were they doing? Why did they have to hurt this youth?
“Mâa-Máa, Khráp.... Aunt Ni... Hic... Let Dear love... please, Khráp... Khráp...”
Dear moved to prostrate at the feet of both his own Mārdā and Purin's Mārdā, and said with a voice that anyone would pity, in a way that Purin pressed his lips together tightly and then moved to sit (on the floor) next to his Mārdā. The two of them.
After that, the young man prostrated between his Phôo and Mâe, then looked up to meet their gaze. “Phôo, Khráp. Mâe, Khráp. My whole life, I have done everything you (Thâan) told me to do. Whatever you (Thâan) wanted me to study, to do, I could do everything. I ask for just one thing. Can I choose the person who will be by my side? I love Dear. I have never loved anyone like this. You (Thâan) may view it as delusion. But can you (Thâan) let me prove to you (Thâan) that I truly love Nông?” A firm and serious tone as he stared at his Bì-daa's face, which still hadn't softened from anger. However... his heart also softened.
“Then what do you want me to do? You (Mueng) also know who you (Mueng) are. If you (Mueng) love Jao Dear, it means you (Mueng) have to hide for your whole life, you know.” In the end, the Phôo, who still loved his son, voiced his greatest worry... his son's future. And that made Purin reply without hesitation.
“I agree to hide for my whole life. Even to the point of letting people label me an ungrateful son, I agree.”
A demeanor that said there was no way he would change his mind, making the Mâe, who had been silent all along, sigh long and reach out to hold her own husband's arm.
“That's enough, Khâ.”
“But you (Thooe) see...”
“See what, Khâ? See that you (Khun) are pushing these two youths away? Do you (Khun) think our son will have no way out if we continue to oppose? Porsche will be 26 already, Khâ. He is not a youth anymore that you (Khun) can force to do what you (Khun) want.” Khun Ni spoke up with a serious tone, in a way that made her husband snort.
“But..."
“And what about Dara?” This time, Purin's Mārdā turned to the person who was crying softly, until the owner of the name moved closer to her son. Her two hands embraced the little son who was crying until his body shook.
“Dear, are you sure you will choose this path? Dear knows, right, that Porsche isn't just an ordinary man? Dear will never be able to tell society that Dear is in love with whom, you know, my child?” A question that made the listener press his lips together tightly as he hugged his Mārdā tightly, burying his face in the shoulder he had always cried and whined to.
“Dear knows... but Dear... agrees....” An answer that made the listener take a deep breath as she turned to look at her two friends.
“I (dì-chǎn) cannot let Dear cry more than this, Khâ. Give them a chance, Ná. It's not like they will get married today or tomorrow anyway.” An answer that almost made Dear smile, if not because the most stubborn person right now spoke with a heavy voice.
“And if I don't agree..."
“If you (Khun) don't agree, in this matter, you (Khun) might be sued until you lose everything, Khâ, Khun Sak.”
Thud.
“Mâe knows!” But then, at that moment, Khun Ni spoke up with an exasperated voice, making her son widen his eyes, not wanting to believe that someone knew about what he had done, until his Mâe gave a slight smile before turning to answer her husband, who still hadn't caught up.
“Why would I be sued?”
“Do you (Khun) remember the latest partnership contract signed with the European side, which Porsche is overseeing, Khâ?”
“I remember.” Sak answered immediately, also narrowing his eyes slightly as his wife spoke with a serious tone.
“Porsche didn't tell all the negotiation points from that side, Khâ. The drafted contract is only the disclosable matters. But do you (Khun) really think, Khâ, that the side that has been hesitant for years to partner with Thais, why did they agree to sign so easily? All of it is the secret proposals that Porsche offered them... which no one else knows besides Porsche. If you (Khun) don't accept the relationship of these two youths, do you (Khun) think our son will agree to keep working for you (Khun)? If he doesn't do it, no one can take over the contract. We would be the party at fault, get sued... that's all.” Words that made the listener's mouth hang open, and that made Purin secretly sigh softly.
Mâe still doesn't know everything he did.
“Not to mention the company's confidential documents are also in our son's hands. If he threatens to sell them, we're also dead....”
Thud.
The son fell silent immediately. His pair of sharp eyes radiated a guilty glint, but there wasn't even a sound of defense because what his Mâe said was completely correct. However, this was his trump card that he didn't think anyone would know.
He hadn't thought of threatening his Bì-daa and Mārdā. But if everything ended with everyone trying to forcibly separate him from Dear, he was ready to send some documents to the partner company. That's why he said, he agreed to everything, even to being an ungrateful son.
“Did you (Mueng) really do this, Âi'Porsche?!” This time, the listener widened his eyes. His eyes gleamed even more brilliantly as he looked at his son, whom he had always been so proud of, who stared back.
“Yes, Khráp. If you (Thâan) don't accept this matter, I intend to really do it.”
This is why Lexus said the eldest brother was staging a silent rebellion.
“So, for the whole month you (Mueng) worked hard, you (Mueng) didn't want me to sympathize with you (Mueng), but you (Mueng) were planning to betray me from behind, huh, you damned-animal son?!” The Phôo shouted loudly, making Dear's face turn pale as a ghost.
Is this the reason why Phîi Porsche refused to tell him what he had done?
“Since when have you (Mueng) been thinking such despicable things like this? You (Mueng) running away with Jao Dear, I wasn't as angry as you (Mueng) thinking of bringing down the company your grandfather built with his own hands!” Sak said loudly, and that made his son answer without fear.
“I did think of doing that. If no one accepted, I was ready to take Dear to live elsewhere. But I knew Nông couldn't be far from Yut and Aunt Dara. Not to mention Dream too. I could take Nông to live elsewhere. But I knew Nông would be sad for life for disappointing the people here. Therefore, I agreed to be the person Phôo is disappointed in, to let Dear still stay here, better than making Nông cry.”
Thud.
Firm words that made the Phôo only remain silent. He could only stare at his son, who clearly showed how much he loved Dear until he had to clench his fist tightly, and then turned back to look at the person he also loved like a son/grandson.
The gaze of his eldest son told him that if he continued to be obstinate, he would lose this son for life. Moreover, this kind of determination... he had never seen before.
Let's wait and see for now. Jao Dear is still young. The future might not be what these two youths hope for.
“Do as you (Mueng) wish. You (Mueng) are grown up now. Your wings and legs are strong until you (Mueng) don't see your Phôo's head anymore. Do whatever you (Mueng) want. I will not acknowledge anything at all!” In the end, Sak said with a strong voice and stormed upstairs like a storm. However, the words he spoke were no different from starting to open his heart, until it unbelievably eased the tension.
“Porsche.” And once his Bì-daa's figure was gone, his Mâe moved to sit beside him. Her slender hand rested on her son's shoulder, and she spoke with a serious tone.
“Do you realize what you have done?”
“Yes, Khráp. I know, Khráp, Mâe.” And this answer made the listener sigh, then turn to look at Dear, who was hugging his own Mārdā tightly, reaching out to touch the soft hair, sensing that this youth flinched with fear.
“The future will have many more matters that might be more difficult than this. No matter what happens with this relationship, we will always be your aunt's grandchildren, Dear.” The listener's tears fell, sniff, and then he raised his hands in a wai, not knowing what to say, in a way that Dara also sighed long.
“As for Bpa-Bpǎa's matter...” Dear's body stiffened, before sobbing even more when his Mārdā continued.
“Mâa-Máa will help to the best of her ability. Dear doesn't have to go study in England. Dear, do as you wish, Ná. Mâa-Máa doesn't want to see her child have to cry like this again.” A gentle voice accompanied by clear teardrops made her younger son hug even tighter as if he were just a three-year-old, also sobbing.
“Thank you, Khráp, Mâa-Máa... thank you... Hic... thank you.”
“Dear is my child. If I don't do it for you, then who will I do it for?”
The image of the two, Mâe and child, hugging tightly made Purin sigh with relief. He knew everything wasn't smooth yet. There was still much more waiting ahead. But right now, he would gather this feeling of relief first. Also, he wanted to clear up his own suspicion.
“And how did Mâe know about what I did, Khráp?” His Mâe turned to meet his gaze, then answered the question in a way that made Purin want to confront the demoness intensely.
“Dream told Mâe.”
“Ah, I (dì-chǎn) just remembered I have an appointment to clear things up with Phîi Tawan. Anyway, the matter is resolved. So I (dì-chǎn) better go now.” And then, as if a bird knew, Darinphan spoke rapidly and quickly stepped out of the room immediately, making the young man put on a stern face, quite angry with his friend.
A demeanor that made his Mâe smile slightly.
“Don't be angry with Dream. Mâe went to ask her herself. Mâe didn't think Porsche could just stay still if the person Porsche loved was crying.” An answer that showed how much his Mâe understood him, until Purin raised his hands in a wai.
“Thank you, Khráp, Mâe.”
“Go comfort Nông. He's crying until he can't breathe.” And that made the listener move to comfort the puppy, even though a smile touched his lips.
Even though some parts of the family still didn't accept it, it was considered an important step that made everyone realize how much we love each other and would not agree to break up as the older persons disparaged as merely delusional love.
Because if Purin was deluded, he would ask to be deluded like this for his whole life.
***
“You can stop crying now. Your eyes will be swollen.”
“Stopped... Ná... Dear stopped crying, Wôoi....”
In front of the puppy's house, the tall person was sitting on a marble bench, comforting the little-one who was wiping his left hand, then his right hand, until his eyes were completely red and bruised. He still couldn't help but argue even though the evidence was on his cheeks.
Squeak.
And that made Purin grab both wrists, until he saw the red face stained with tears, looking pitiful. His sharp face showed a gentle smile, then moved in to press a kiss on the light-colored eyelids softly and whispered.
“If Dear has to cry, know that I (Phîi) will always be by Dear's side.”
“So if I don't cry, you (Phîi) won't be by my side, then?” This time, the puppy argued in a tsundere voice, even though his face heated up a little. However, he opened his eyes to stare into the sharp eyes until the tall man chuckled softly, letting go of one wrist to stroke the soft hair.
“I (Phîi) will. And even if Dear chases me (Phîi) away, I (Phîi) won't go. I'm (Phîi) already in love, you know.”
Making the person who cried feel shy, this is a heavy sin, Wôoi, Phîi Porsche.
The little one could only mumble in his heart, but moved closer and snuggled his face into the warm embrace. His two arms hugged the slender waist tightly. A clingy demeanor that made the tall person also tighten his embrace around the little body, pressing a kiss on the temple lightly.
“Phîi Porsche... you (Phîi) won't regret it, right, for loving Dear? Dear isn't a woman...”
Rub, rub, rub.
“Hey! Why are you rubbing my (Kuu) head?” Before he could finish speaking, Purin raised his hand to rub the little one's head, thinking he was being cheeky, making the pale face look up, whipping his gaze over sulkily until he met the person who was putting on a stern face and speaking sternly.
“Asking me (Phîi) like this, don't you (Mueng) trust me (Phîi)? And what about you, Dear? Do you regret it, since I (Phîi) am not a woman either?” A stern voice that made the listener fall silent before shaking his head.
“No regret. Dear secretly loved you (Phîi) for several years, Wôoi. During that time, Dear didn't even look at other women. Dear became gay because of you (Phîi) Porsche, that's all.” Seizing the chance to blame him, since this heart had only one person for many years already. And there was no way to erase the image of the kind-hearted Phîi from that night.
“Since when did Dear love me (Phîi)?” When this topic was mentioned, Purin asked, having been curious for a long time, making the listener bow his head a little.
“Can I (Kuu) not tell?”
It's embarrassing, Khráp. Hmph, at that time, I (Kuu) had just had a heartbreak, and then fell in love with the neighbor immediately. Like this, you know.
"Ná."
Let-me-die. That one word but makes the heart soften completely. I (Kuu) want to buy it and burn it along with that heh laughter!
The listener's cheeks were already red before he let out a long sigh.
“Do you (Phîi) remember the day Dear had a heartbreak?”
"Hmm."
“That day.” Purin raised an eyebrow slightly, trying to recall what he did to make this youth fall in love. And that made the speaker turn to look before grabbing the large hand and placing it on his head. His round eyes reflected the memories, both happy and sad, from that night.
“You (Phîi) patted my head like this. You told me not to waste tears on a person like that... It was warm. Truly warm, Khráp. Warm all the way to the heart. It might sound crazy that just because Phîi patted my head, I loved you (Phîi). But I truly love you (Phîi).” Having said that, he bowed his head to look at his own knees, making the person who placed his hand on his head to pat it smile.
Slump.
“Like this or...” The tall person stroked the soft hair gently, also asking out loud, making the listener nod vigorously.
“Hmm.” The cute demeanor of the puppy with intensely red cheeks, also trying to avoid eye contact, made Purin pull him into an embrace, while his hand still stroked the soft hair as if comforting, until Dear had the courage to continue.
“When Jae Dream let Dear go live with Phîi Porsche, I was afraid, you know, that you (Phîi) would find out. And I thought, since the opportunity has come like this, why doesn't Dear make you (Phîi) try to love me? But it seemed like only you, Phîi Porsche, kept making me sink deeper and deeper, even though Dear wanted to ask you (Phîi) desperately... Can you Phîi try loving me?”
“So I (Phîi) love Dear like I'm drunk, right?”
Hmm. We're not loving each other the same way, Khráp, Phîi.
“Love with the heart, not on the bed, Wôoi!” The sweet atmosphere vanished instantly in a way that made Purin laugh heartily, hugging the little one and rocking him gently as if coaxing, while thinking of the time when he was first with Dear.
At first, he didn't think he would love Dear more than a Nông. He didn't know either since when his heart started having this puppy running around in it.
Try loving, you say? When he realized again, it wasn't trying anymore. He was already in love.
Even though Dear was a man. Even though there were many obstacles waiting ahead, he would never regret that his heart chose this youth. As they say, if he didn't risk trying to love... how would he know true love?
He tried. And he wasn't disappointed at all for loving this youth.
“Then try asking me (Phîi).” At that moment, Purin spoke out with a gentle smile, making the person who was protesting fall silent a little. His large, round eyes met the sharp eyes of the other quietly. Then he took a deep breath before speaking the words he had always wanted to ask.
“Hmm... Shall we try loving each other, Khráp, you Khun-Roommate-Phîi?”
A question that made Purin smile widely and speak the words he should have answered long ago.
“It's not just trying... but already in love, Khráp, Khun-Roommate-Nông.”
An answer that made the listener smile widely as he hugged the roommate Phîi who had become his lover tightly, while Purin himself also tightened his embrace around the puppy's little body no differently. Smiles of happiness touched the lips of both of them.
At the same place that gave rise to a secret admirer. At a different time, it was no longer just secretly admiring, but two people who “love each other” at last.
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