Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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A few days ago, who would believe that the former heart adversary, the third-year senior of Dear, would request to meet Purin at the company? In a way that made the dog's owner become extremely irritated, thinking beforehand if the other side would come to interfere when they were having problems. But the first words spoken out made the listener so stunned.
“Are you (Khun) Porsche in contact with Shin, Khráp?”
“What does it have to do with Shin? You (Khun) didn’t come because of Dear’s matter, then?” Purin asked Oat like that, and the younger person spoke with a firm tone.
“For me, right now, Dear is just a junior I am fond of. The person I love is Shin.”
At that time, Purin admitted he was stunned, not wanting to believe what he had heard. But the gaze and tone full of seriousness made the person who had intended not to listen to anything stop and listen to the matter Oat requested.
“Are you (Khun) sure it’s not Dear?” He couldn't help but ask, unable to suppress wariness.
“No, Khráp. The only person I want to see right now is Shin.”
“Then what do you (Khun) want?” Purin asked with a strong voice, admitting to being an older person with a bad personality who brought up old matters. But he had reason to bring it up when it was clear the youth in front had once thought something about his puppy. And this time, Oat spoke firmly without thinking of veering back to the matter of the other junior even a little.
“I know from Sun that you (Khun) are in contact with Shin. Shin has probably blocked my number. He doesn’t answer calls. And even if I call him from another number, he still refuses to talk to me. I know that Dear is currently with Shin in Japan. So I would like to know Shin’s current address.” Oat said with a stressed voice. The fact of knowing he had misunderstood was shocking, but it still couldn’t compare to knowing the person he loved wasn’t in Thailand.
How fortunate that Âi'Sai-fah was with him then. He could still help be the brains for the person who was completely dazed about what to do. In the end, he remembered there was still Sun, another person who should know where Shin was. But he wasted several days when that person wouldn’t help easily. Fortunately, a second-year named Ryu helped speak for him again.
In the end, Oat learned that the easiest path to meet Shin was to bow his head and beg from this man. Even though they had been heart adversaries before, if his bowing his head made him meet Shin... he would accept.
“You mean you (Khun) will fly after Shin?” Purin retorted, his pair of sharp eyes narrowing slightly, in a way that made the listener think silently before nodding in acceptance.
He would not agree to let this love end like this, when we misunderstood each other like this. He had no way of agreeing.
“Yes, Khráp. I will follow Shin. I beg... I only ask for Shin’s address.” Then Oat did what Purin did not expect, because the former Head wáak raised his hands in a wai and bowed, staying like that as a person at a dead end.
An action that Purin understood well how the other side felt... at a dead end, not knowing where to go next, willing even to bow his head to someone he had once hated. Therefore, when Oat came as an adult, he acted as an adult should.
“I will fly after Dear the day after tomorrow. If you (Khun) can find a plane ticket, come with me.” Even though it was a proposal that seemed quite rushed, Oat’s answer was clear and without hesitation.
“Yes, Khráp. I will get a ticket.” After that, Oat tried every possible way to get a ticket to Japan on the same flight as Purin. And perhaps it was good luck that someone postponed their flight suddenly. Otherwise, right now, at this time, he wouldn’t be sitting next to Shin like this.
“I have something I must tell...”
Slump.
Returning to the present, Oat, who had slumped down next to the half-Thai young man, spoke up immediately as if afraid the other side wouldn’t listen. And he was right to think so when Shin managed to raise a hand to stop him, before using the same hand to rub his own temples hard, closing his eyes as if he had never encountered anything that made him lose his composure this much.
Who would believe it? This is Japan, you know. Not Chiang Mai where you can follow each other easily. Besides, he wasn’t some female lead of a cheesy drama where the male lead would follow. So, right now, let Âi'Chonnon regain his composure first.
“I feel like I’m drunk on lemon soda.” Shin said with a heavy voice, took a deep breath, suppressed the turbulent feeling in his chest, and then turned to look at the person he hadn’t seen for a while.
What about Phîi Oat now? He probably called. The last time he said they broke up, he looked better than this. But this, his hair was long like when he was Phîi wáak. Not to mention the beard he hadn’t shaved, as if he didn’t know how many days had passed. But more than anything was the gaze... a pale, dry gaze that looked at him as if with hope.
“Alright, I have regained my composure. So tell me, Khráp, how did you (Phîi) pop up here? I thought we had broken up already.” Shin raised his eyebrows a little, his extremely shocked demeanor changing to indifference, and that made the onlooker hurt deep inside.
“Aren’t you happy that I popped up here?”
“Would I be...? Who would be happy to see an ex-romantic partner...”
“Even if the ex-romantic partner has come back to ask for reconciliation?”
Thud.
Shin fell silent. His pair of sharp eyes swept to look at the person beside him before narrowing slightly. He thought he somewhat understood something. He wasn’t Âi'Dear. He wasn’t a person who needed to wait for anyone to explain much. Just from some actions, he could guess enough. But no matter what, hearing a clear confirmation was better than believing his own instincts.
“I will ask just one question... Âi'Dear.” At the same time, Oat also understood this question immediately... if he didn’t answer well, everything would probably end right now, no matter if he had tried to fly to Japan or not.
Therefore, Oat spoke briefly but to the point.
“Dear is a past I will never forget. But you are the present and future I love.”
Clear, to the point, and made the listener fall silent.
At this moment, each side didn’t speak a single word. There were only the eyes of the two that met silently as if testing each other, before the silence of the night and the soft background music was broken by...
“Hahahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Let-me-die! Let-me-die, Phîi Oat!!!” A loud laugh that called the attention of the few waitstaff and customers to turn and look. But Shin still laughed loudly, laughed out as befitting the madness that he had misunderstood for a month.
Let-me-die. I (Kuu) am stupid. I (Kuu) am an idiot myself. I (Kuu) am the one who hurt my own heart.
“Let-me-die! I really am an idiot... heh. Since when? Since when, I tell you...” Although everyone heard the redheaded young man’s loud laughter, no one saw like Oat that Shin was letting tears flow down. Moreover, the voice that asked was trembling noticeably.
Since when did he love?... Since when did I not realize at all that Phîi Oat loved me?
A demeanor that made Oat reach out to touch the shoulder. A touch accompanied by a deep, firm, and serious voice.
“I don’t know since when I loved you. When I realized again, I already loved you... loved so much that I thought what the bloody fucking is this that we have to break up?” Even though it wasn’t sweet, wasn’t a beautiful, flowery speech, it was a crude speech. But it was the most sincere Shin had ever heard, until he understood everything he thought—that Phîi Oat still loved Âi'Dear... he had thought it himself.
I (Kuu) can’t believe there would be a day I (Kuu) was this foolish.
Therefore, Shin did something beyond others' expectations, but not beyond Oat's at all.
Squeak.
The half-Thai young man managed to grab the collar of the former Phîi wáak and pull him in to press a heavy kiss on the lips, in a way that Oat didn’t think of stopping. There was only pressing closer, longing for this passionate kiss no differently. And when Shin pulled away, he said with a strong voice.
“Why did we tell each other so late, I tell you?”
“Well, at that time, I thought you would go back to Focus.” An answer that made Shin widen his eyes before remembering he himself had deliberately made the other side misunderstand, until he had to narrow his eyes a little. Even though they had only been together a few months, he was confident he knew Phîi Oat well. If he knew he loved Focus, would this person think of intervening?
A gaze that Oat answered with a smile.
“I met that youth... with his romantic partner.” That was the best answer to the question, and Shin didn’t think of caring about trivial matters like how Phîi popped up in Japan. Because no matter what, Phîi Oat had shown his sincerity to him.
How he came wasn’t as important as the other side being here now.
Slump.
“Then let’s go.” Having said that, Shin stood up immediately, grabbed that nanoblock and put it into his bag carefully, before grabbing the former Head wáak’s wrist tightly, in a way that Oat followed.
“Where are we going?” A question that Nǎai Chonnon turned to raise a mischievous smile as he handled his own drink bill.
“You (Phîi) should also know where a sex-fiend like me would take a ‘romantic partner’ back to profess love.” Then he winked again, deliberately emphasizing one word that made Oat smile widely in disbelief. And instead of scolding with a stern voice for saying something like this with a straight face, Oat replied with this sentence.
“Having a romantic partner like you, I will accept being a sex-fiend too, then.”
This time, Shin could only laugh, a laugh that came from his true heart, not a pretense like he had done all week, as Oat voiced one suspicion.
“But, will it be you or me who will be...”
“Let’s just say when we reach the bed, we’ll know, Phîi.”
At this time, Oat smiled, and Shin smiled. No need for more words than that. This was truly enough already.
No need to ask how much he loved, loved since when, how he could cut ties from the other person. Because love was just love... that’s all.
Even though their relationship wasn’t expressed as clearly as other couples', even the position on the bed wasn’t clear. However, the bond and love were no less than any couple. Maybe just looking into each other’s eyes, they understood each other even more than other couples.
This love wasn’t sweet, wasn’t interestingly intense. But their love was valuable and memorable in their own form.
“But, is Phîi a martial art or not?” But then, Shin brought up another matter, and even though Oat was confused why the other side suddenly asked about something unrelated to before, the person who had started getting used to the unpredictability of this romantic partner answered the question willingly.
“Just street fighting.” An answer that made the listener raise a mischievous smile. His sharp eyes clearly showed a dangerous glint as he glanced towards a corner where he saw a man standing smoking, before murmuring softly.
“Then Phîi should go learn judo, taekwondo, karate... something should help you (Phîi) survive in the future.”
“Why?” This time, the listener was truly puzzled, and that made the half-Thai young man laugh heartily as if finding it funny, as he raised his hand to hug his neck with an intimate demeanor.
“Come on. I just want to say... loving Âi'Chonnon isn’t easy, you know.” Shin said, and that made Oat smile widely as he replied with a heavy voice.
“I never thought it would be easy since getting to know you, then.” An answer as if saying Nǎai Athit was prepared enough mentally to handle everything, making the listener smile widely and decide to stop walking, also turning around until both pairs of eyes met.
[[Translator's Note: The Thai name อธิษฐ์ is transliterated as "Athit" and carries the meaning of "vow" or "aspiration." Notably, this transliteration is phonetically identical to the common name อธิต ("Athit"), which means "sun." The two distinct names can only be differentiated in written Thai, as อธิษฐ์ contains a silent ษ์ mark.]]
Squeak.
Then, Shin immediately grabbed the senior’s collar and pulled him in. However, it wasn’t a touch on the lips like before. He just pulled him in until their lips were only a span apart, then said with words that came from his true heart.
“I love you (Phîi), I tell you.” Short words but from the heart, making Oat be the one to give a smile in return, and then replace himself with an unfamiliar pronoun but made the listener feel good in an indescribable way.
“I (Phîi) love Shin too.”
They felt closer than before.
That was all, before Oat was the one to press a kiss onto the lips tightly, not caring how crowded this area was at this time. No matter if there were gazes looking at them, no matter if they were excited or disgusted, they didn’t care. Because the person they cared about... was only the person exchanging contact with them at this moment.
A love that started from disappointment because of someone else attracted them to come together. Even though it seemed impossible, who would know that this immense attraction instead made hearts hurt until numb bond together more than anyone.
People who hurt similarly might not be able to heal each other. But if both have differences, it’s like magnets of opposite poles that attract each other until it’s hard to separate.
Amidst the neon lights of Tokyo. Amidst the many people passing by.
Amidst the cold air of early spring, there was a pair of men standing kissing without caring about anyone’s gaze, knowing only that at this time, this minute, they had each other... that was enough.
After they had reconciled their misunderstanding, Dear separated from his friends, as if the purpose of the trip would change to different paths.
One was Âi'Lexus, who would travel to the fullest after having to keep sending news to the person in Thailand all along. And another was Shin, who laughed with a mischievous smile and said he would take Phîi Oat back to Kyoto. A smile that even Dear felt a shiver down his spine, unable to help but feel sorry for his own senior.
It was possible he would take Phîi Oat to be slaughtered by his Phîi.
Therefore, when each side went their separate ways, the next day Dear was walking along a small river next to Hakone-Yumoto Station, which was one of Japan’s famous tourist spots because it was the route to Hakone, known for being able to view Mount Fuji via cable car.
And now he wasn’t alone, but was walking hand in hand with Phîi Porsche, with one ear pressed against the tall person’s phone.
[Do you have anything to say in your defense?]
Don’t even ask, Khráp, who spoke bluntly like this... it was none other than Âi'Dranphat’s beloved and respected sister.
“Ah, Dear was wrong.” When knowing he was wrong, he must seize the initiative to admit fault first. He made a whimpering, submissive voice, also trembling a little as if afraid his sister would be angry, making the person on the other end raise a cruel smile and retort.
[Do you think I (dì-chǎn) will stop being angry just because you said you were wrong! You made me (dì-chǎn) have to break up with Phîi Tawan. Had to make me (dì-chǎn) become a demoness in everyone’s eyes, thinking I would snatch my Nông’s thing. Not to mention having to act, pretending to love Porsche so much. Do you know how tiring it was, huh?!]
“Sorry, Khráp.” Dear bowed his head even lower, mumbling softly before asking in an even softer voice.
“Tha... then about Phîi Tawan, I can go explain on your behalf, you know.”
[Save yourself first before thinking about interfering with others’ business!]
Gah. She cursed so much I (Kuu) shut up.
Thoughts of the person who gripped the phone tighter. Feelings of guilt assaulted his heart when he remembered the day his sister asked to break up with Phîi Tawan, just because of his pushing responsibility. Before, he had misunderstood that Jae Dream loved Phîi Porsche, so he couldn’t think of anything. But looking back, he truly hurt his sister’s heart terribly.
Almost three years that Jae Dream thought of holding this man’s hand, but it vanished instantly because of his stupid actions.
A silence that made Darinphan sense her Nông’s thoughts immediately.
[Don’t worry about me (dì-chǎn). Do you think I (dì-chǎn) can’t handle this matter? At most, I just have to coax Phîi Tawan to death on one side, that’s all.] A comforting tone that made the listener feel a little better. However, his heart was still full of suspicion, until he had to ask softly.
“Then why did you (Jae) have to use this method, huh? Telling Dear you loved Phîi Porsche. Didn’t you think Dear would run to the ends of the earth? Didn’t you think Dear wouldn’t think of snatching his sister’s thing? Dear might be the one to sacrifice and never return to Phîi Porsche’s life again.” The person on this side asked suspiciously, but made the person on the other end sigh long and speak with a weary voice.
[You? Running to the ends of the earth? Where do you have the brains? Running to Japan, you still had to cling to friends to go.]
Bloody fuck. I (Kuu) am pissed. You (Jae) look down on me (Kuu) a lot!
“But Dear could run away, you know. About running, Dear is more confident than anyone. I’ve run away with my tail between my legs before.” Of course, he understood his own nature clearly because of this matter. And that made the listener laugh, because even though the junior cursed himself like that, the fact that he would return to fight with his parents in Thailand proved that Dear was about to change.
[So will you come back to fight?]
A question that made the listener turn to look at the person beside him who had an arm around his shoulder. Even though the sharp-featured face was adorned with a smile, the eyes that still looked weary told him that throughout the time they were separated, Phîi Porsche had no way of being happy.
“Fight, Sí... Dear will not agree to lose Phîi Porsche to anyone.” An answer that made the listener lean in to press a kiss on the forehead lightly.
“I’m (Phîi) happy to hear that.” Purin said with a gentle voice, and as if that short but firm answer would satisfy the person in Thailand enough to speak her mind.
[Dear, do you know that people only realize when everything is too late to fix?]
Darinphan said with a softened tone, making the person on this side listen attentively.
[...If the thing you love is placed in the same spot, never moving anywhere, plus you are confident it will never go away, it’s a dead thing. But whenever that thing is taken by someone else until it’s not in sight, you will realize the importance of that thing... Dear, what I (dì-chǎn) will teach you is that opportunities don’t come often. Some people lose an opportunity once and lose it for life. Since this time is your second chance... don’t make it end like the last time.]
Dear could only stand still listening to his sister’s voice full of concern. He could feel how worried Jae Dream was about his matter, and that made his small heart swell, wanting to return to Thailand, wanting to hug Jae Dream tightly and say Dear is sorry.
"You (Jae)..."
[Remember that whenever you think to turn and face a problem, you won’t be alone. I (dì-chǎn) will help you with everything. Just don’t act cowardly like this again, that’s enough.]
The person on this side was about to cry already. Jae Dream never brought her own problems for him to help. It was only him who always caused trouble for his sister. Even though this time Jae Dream played rough, it truly helped him think.
“Jae Dream, Dear lo...”
[Also, whenever this matter ends, you (Mueng) remember, I (dì-chǎn) will get back at you with compound interest!]
Thud.
The person who was about to tell his sister he loved her stopped everything he was about to say when the ruthless, cruel voice came through the line. And he would bet everything in his life that... Jae Dream was bloody fucking serious.
Slump.
“What are you threatening Dear for? He’s already lost face, you know.” But then, at that moment, Phîi Porsche pulled the phone from his hand and was the one to speak with a laughter-laced voice to the other end, in a way that Dear heard Jae Dream cursing with lightning speed, until he had to give a dry smile and shake his head when Porsche asked if he wanted to talk more.
What a matter. However he returns, he’ll be scolded. Right now, let him live in peace first.
“Phîi Porsche, asking seriously, are you (Phîi) tired of Dear?” After the tall person hung up, Dear finally spoke up to ask, making the listener raise an eyebrow slightly before pulling the puppy to slump sit on a rock, then following to sit beside him. The pair of sharp eyes radiated a glint from amusement all the way to gentleness.
“Tired? Well, a little.” This time, the listener couldn’t even smile.
Yeah, I (Kuu) know I (Kuu) am foolish. So what if one day Phîi Porsche can’t stand me (Kuu)? Just thinking about it and I (Kuu) will die already.
“...but I (Phîi) have never thought of stopping loving.”
Whip.
The listener turned his head to meet his gaze immediately, until both pairs of eyes met. Then Purin reached out to grab the pale hand and squeeze it firmly. His dark eyes radiated a serious glint as he stared into the large, round eyes, staring as if wanting the other side to see all his true feelings.
“When people love each other, it’s not that there’s only happiness, Dear. It’s not that we can accept all of the other’s habits. But because of love, we adjust to each other. Yes, I (Phîi) don’t like that Dear always runs from problems. But if I (Phîi) ask back, I (Phîi) also believe Dear doesn’t like my (Phîi) habit of being confident in myself either.
Because I (Phîi) was confident I could handle everything, Patty came in. Confident I could keep some matters hidden, Dear misunderstood about Nông Alice... Then I (Phîi) will ask back: does Dear think of stopping loving me (Phîi) because of my (Phîi) habits like this?”
The listener fell silent immediately before shaking his head vigorously.
Even though Phîi Porsche wasn’t a perfect man like everyone saw, there were ordinary aspects that made him irritated many times, he had never hated this side of Porsche’s habits. Because he loved... he accepted the other’s true self.
An answer that made the young man smile widely.
“It’s the same. I (Phîi) have also never stopped loving Dear because of this matter.”
“But if one day Phîi Porsche can’t accept Dear....”
“That’s why we have to adjust to each other, right?” Purin interjected immediately as if stopping all the puppy’s speaking, and that confused demeanor made him pull the smaller body to hug loosely.
“Love doesn’t have only happiness. It might make us suffer sometimes. But because there is the person I (Phîi) love, I (Phîi) am ready to accept both happiness and suffering together. When they swear in marriage, they have to accept both happiness and suffering together, right?... And what about you, Dear? Are you ready to have happiness and go through suffering with me (Phîi) yet?”
Thud.
Dear could only be stunned. Even though it sounded like an explanation, why was his heart beating so hard? He felt as if... Phîi Porsche was proposing.
Therefore, the pale face looked up to meet the other’s gaze as if searching for an answer, and then found a smile that made his cheeks blush a little.
“Is this a proposal or something?” Until he tried to ask back in a teasing voice, making Purin laugh.
“And if it is?”
He’s proposing for real!
The listener widened his eyes, mouth hanging open, not thinking he would hear something like this. And that made Purin ask again.
“So? Will you marry me (Phîi)?”
“Ha... have you (Phîi) forgotten that we are both men? Who would let us marry, I tell you?”
“It’s fine. Many countries allow people of the same sex to marry. We can fly to those regions.”
“Are you (Mueng) crazy? Dear is only eighteen!”
“Then that means after graduation is okay.”
Hia. He’s cornering me (Kuu) until I’m trapped.
The listener could only bare his fangs. If asked if he was happy, he had to say very much. But seeing Phîi Porsche so happy arguing with him like this, he couldn’t help but be annoyed at the tall dog owner, until he had to reach out and squeeze his cheek hard, bloody fucking hell, then say with a heavy voice.
“Yeah, marry, Sí. Marry for sure! I (Kuu) already said I (Kuu) won’t agree to lose you (Phîi) to anyone again!” Dear shouted out loudly, even though there were people sitting here enjoying the breeze and view no different from his couple, but shouting like this, who would understand anyway? And if anyone asked, he would use Âi'Shin-jang’s joke.
I am Chinese, Khráp. Not Thai.
Squeak.
An answer that made Purin laugh out loud as he grabbed the puppy to hug tightly until he almost disappeared into his chest, rubbing his cheek hard with immense love, in a way that Dear protested loudly and tried to struggle out of that embrace as hard as iron, unable to help but wonder if Phîi Porsche was hugging tightly or if he, the rhino, was struggling just for show.
“Phîi Porsche, let go! I’m (Kuu) embarrassed!” Words that made the listener nestle his face against the pale cheek even more, also pressing his nose tip down hard, equally not caring about anyone’s gaze.
“I (Phîi) am not embarrassed. I’m (Phîi) just showing love to my (Phîi) romantic partner.”
Hmph. He’s so smug.
“Also...” Purin quieted his voice a little, also loosening the embrace a bit, making the little-one look up with a messy, sulky head, and then froze as the deep voice continued.
"I (Phîi) love you, Dear."
That was all. Âi'Dranphat stopped struggling before smiling out. His head, patted, also leaned against the broad shoulder.
“Same here, Khráp... Dear loves you (Phîi) too.” That alone made the listener chuckle softly, feeling the happiness overflowing from his chest... just the feeling that we love each other is more valuable than anything else.
Amidst the cool, fresh spring breeze, trees big and small were branching out for a new beginning again, similar to the love of these two who had passed through the cruel winter. Even though many obstacles still waited ahead, as long as their hands still held each other, no matter what matter, they would step through it....
“Ah, then what about Dad and Mom, Phîi Porsche? What should we do, I tell you?” But then, the person nestling his face in the embrace looked up immediately, asking as if he just remembered, and that made the listener look somewhat worried. But more than anything, the gaze of Phîi Porsche... was bloody fucking mischievous.
“You’ll know when we return to Thailand.”
“Hey, didn’t you (Phîi) say we wouldn’t hide things from each other? Tell me (Kuu) now, I tell you.”
“Then I’ll tell you tonight.”
“No need to tell tonight. Tonight, you (Phîi) will probably think of charging me (Kuu) interest again!”
“Then I’ll tell while charging interest.”
“No, I tell you! I want to hear now!”
“Hmm. Let’s take the train to Hakone instead.”
“Don’t change the subject, Phîi Porsche!” Dear protested even louder when Phîi Porsche bloody fucking stood up casually, until he had to stand up and follow, then ran around front and back, making the tall person secretly smile, feeling good to have his original puppy back. And he might be psychotic, but the more Dear whined, the more he liked it.
“Phîi Porsche, tell Dear...”
Before he could finish speaking, warm lips touched his fresh-colored mouth forcefully before the kiss thief gave a smile.
“Take this much for now. I’ll tell you later.” Having said that, he walked, putting his hands in his pockets, leading towards the waiting point for the train, making the kissed person’s face flushed red, facing the gazes of Japanese people turning to look as one, and could only bare his fangs in his heart.
Grrrrrrrrrr. Do you think kissing can shut me (Kuu) up?
Squeak.
“Hey!!!” Purin even exclaimed loudly when suddenly a not-light body jumped to piggyback on him, until he had to turn back to see the troublemaking face of the puppy.
With a smile. “Dear won’t be embarrassed alone, you know!” A clear voice announced loudly, making Purin ask.
“This is being embarrassed?”
“No. And what about you (Phîi), Phîi Porsche?” Actually, he was secretly embarrassed. But as long as he was with Phîi Porsche, he thought he could overcome these matters. And that made Purin laugh.
“No. I (Phîi) am not embarrassed either. Right now, I (Phîi) am happy.” A short answer but made the listener smile widely, hugging the tall person’s neck tightly. He didn’t care how others looked, because he believed that no matter if they looked with interest or disgust, the people looking would still feel the happiness overflowing from both of them.
The matters in Thailand could wait. Right now, let him be happy with this moment first.
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