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~~~
Dear knew that Shin-jang was rich, but what was he doing right now, tilting his head back to look at this massive traditional Japanese-style house occupying an enormous amount of land. Weren't Japanese houses supposed to be small because land was expensive? So what kind of joke was this ridiculously huge house of Shin-jang's! Was he bringing I to stay in some sort of ryokan-style hotel or what?
To be honest, Dear had felt suspicious since the car came to pick them up at the station. However, with the utterly ordinary, commoner-style travel like landing at Kansai Airport (in economy class, no less) and then taking the JR Tokaido Shinkansen all the way to Kyoto, he hadn't thought anything of it. But the car turning into this house made him... Thud
Thud
"Hey, did you trick I (Kuu) here to sell me or something!"
"Quiet, Ná. It'll be fine if you just go along with it." Shin-jang, that bloody fucker, was completely shirking responsibility, Khráp. Now, that melancholic, gloomy, ruminate mood had completely flown out of his head. Seeing the driver's eyes glancing over many times, he felt extremely glad that Lex was with him.
"Follow me (Kuu)."
"Hey!!!"
Dear almost jumped to cling onto Lexus's back. Just turning the corner of the walkway, he saw several men and women waiting to greet them. Moreover...
“おかえりなさい、信二様 (Okaerinasai Shinji-sama - Welcome back, Master Shinji)." He couldn't understand what they were saying in that long, synchronized greeting. But he definitely caught 'Shinji-sama'. And if you played games or watched anime a bit, you'd immediately understand what it meant.
Master Shinji... That supremely drama-queen Shin-jang who cursed at seniors on stage was Master Shinji? Hell, if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he'd never believe it!
"Shin-jang, is your name Shinji?"
"Have I (Kuu) never told you?"
Whap whap whap whap
"Nope, no. I don't know anything. I only know you as Shin-jang or Chonnon. Shin-whatever, Shin-whatsit, I don't know." So he had to go back and tell Sun that actually, Shin-jang wasn't from Shinnosuke, that show-off little brat, but was Shinji-sama standing right here.
The head-shaking whap whap that looked quite endearing made Shin laugh loudly, then clap him heavily on the shoulder. Seeing Dear's flustered appearance actually made the heavy matters in his heart vanish just like that.
"That's good. I (Kuu) want you (Thooe) to know me (Kuu) as that Shin-jang. That's good."
The hushed conversation between the two made Lexus look around with interest, not a shred of fear, only pure excitement. He had thought right to come along. This friend of Dear's was really not ordinary. Actually, he was not ordinary since the driver. Did Dear know that he had been staring from head to toe?
Then, Shin turned to talk to a woman who seemed to be a maid, then turned back and nodded. "Come on. I'll (Kuu) take you (Thooe) to the room." With that, he strode ahead, making Dear almost jump to cling to his back, easily following his red-headed friend.
"Actually, I (Kuu) was going to take you (Mueng) guys to Haneda. Going to Tokyo would probably be more to your (Thooe) liking. But my Phîi found out I (Kuu) brought friends, so he wanted me to introduce you (Mueng) at the main house first. But our Phôo isn't here. Wait to meet my Phîi this evening. We'll stay here a few days, then I (Kuu)'ll take you (Mueng) into Tokyo." Shin said it simply, even though the entire way people were paying respects to him. And the many scary-looking men were starting to make Dear's pessimistic mind run wild.
"You (Mueng)... you (Mueng)... you (Mueng)."
"What?"
"Why do the people in your (Thooe) house look so scary?" At the question, Shin merely lifted the corner of his mouth in a smile and replied with words that made Dear dare not pry further.
"You (Thooe) don't want to know the reason."
Okay, I (Kuu) can be quiet. As long as I (Kuu) am safe.
"I think your (Thooe) friend must definitely be yakuza."
Yakuzong yakuza whatever the hell. Have you been reading too many comics, Lex? But wait, do they even have comics in America?
"It's America, Dear, not the Himalayan mountains. I read it on the net... I don't know. I think the atmosphere is more than just a rich person's house. It's suspicious. Shall we go explore tonight, you (Mueng)?"
No way! And you (Mueng) stop imagining things too!
Yes, Dear told Lexus that. However, at this moment, as he was sitting seiza-style (since he saw everyone sitting that way, when in Rome...) facing a tall, large-framed man with a damned-animal handsome face (apologies for the rudeness, but no other word described this man better than damned-animal handsome),
Shin-jang's Phîi wasn't handsome like a sweet-eyed cartoon hero, but was a man with supremely captivating, or in other words, supremely terrifying eyes. With those sharp eyes, and whenever he looked over, it felt like being sliced all over. A high-bridged nose, a sharp, intense face, coupled with a build so large he was probably over one hundred ninety centimeters tall in that full formal suit... Seeing him once was enough to remember forever.
I (Kuu) want to go home~~~~~~
Dear bowed his head completely, feeling like Shin-jang's bloody fucking Phîi was staring through him to see his liver, kidneys, and intestines. He began to seriously think if Shin-jang's house was yakuza. Why was his Phîi this scary?
"This is my Phîi, Nirasawa Akira." Shin-jang introduced, then turned to look at his Phîi with rapid Japanese, to which the listener nodded. He didn't want to mention that he secretly heard people call his Phîi Akira-sama again.
Just what does your (Thooe) house do, Shin-jang!
"Hello. Welcome to Japan."
He can speak Thai too!
Dear could only look up immediately when the man in front spoke Thai that might not be clear, smiled at the corner of his mouth, and Dear Dranphat didn't want to say it... scary again. Great. But he could speak and was confident he must understand. His stunned, frozen expression made the other party lift
"Is this the one, Shinji?" Akira... san, was it? What should I (Kuu) call him? Yeah, that. He turned to look at his Nông's face, making Shin laugh. He didn't seem to notice his friend was scared to the point of almost peeing, and then he shrugged.
"No, it's not this one."
"That's good, then we can welcome them, not drive them away."
What are you (Thâan) talking about? I want to know.
Dear could only think in his heart. Somehow, the gleam in Shin-jang's Phîi's eyes seemed to sparkle, but this situation didn't stress Lex out at all because he smiled widely and asked politely.
"What does Nirasawa-san mean, Khráp?"
Can't you (Mueng) not meddle in his business?
The person who had just told himself he wanted to know now felt a bit dumb when he saw Nirasawa-san's gaze look over, before lifting the corner of his mouth in a smile.
"It's about Shinji's romantic partner. I thought you (Thâan) all were..."
"Na... No, Khráp. We are friends of Shin-jang... I mean, Shinji, Khráp." Dear even shook his head whap whap. He heard that his Phîi knew he was gay. But definitely not him. No wonder. The one who scanned me from head to toe thought I was his Nông's romantic partner? I won't take that, even if you're (Thooe) rich. Being in an atmosphere like this is stifling.
"Shin-jang?... Heh. Does anyone call you (Thâan) that?" His Phîi turned to talk to his Nông, making Shin just shrug.
"He calls me that jokingly, no particular intention. I don't mind."
"Hmm... Then feel free. I suppose you (Thâan) all would be uncomfortable with me here... Later, tell me again about wanting to borrow the room in Tokyo." Nirasawa-san turned to tell his Nông, the moment he stood up making Dear sigh with relief. And as if the other party knew, because he flicked his gaze over to look, then lifted the corner of his mouth.
"Why don't you (Thâan) like this man? He's handsome too. The past is the past, the present is the present. There's no need to dwell in sadness."
Creak
"Ouch, my heart is going to give out. Your (Thooe) Phîi is bloody fucking terrifying to the extreme." Dear collapsed sideways immediately. It's nothing, Khráp. It's a jab. Sitting tensed up like that. He also said in a slightly panicked whisper, making Shin laugh.
"Be careful. My Phîi might still be in front of the room." Words that made the listener freeze, his face changing color instantly, unlike Lexus who asked with interest.
"Hey, seriously, is your (Thooe) house yakuza or not? I think the atmosphere is super strong."
"Lex! I don't want to know." Dear lamented immediately, making his half-blood friend just joke…
"Well, let's just say, when my (Kuu) Mâe fell in love with my (Kuu) Thai Phôo, my (Kuu) Phôo almost lost his life here. Good thing my (Kuu) Mâe was pregnant with I (Kuu) first, otherwise... Heh heh."
"Are you (Mueng) threatening me (Kuu)? I (Kuu) don't believe it." Dear protested with all his might, making the other party merely smile thinly and not retort anything, while Lexus asked further with curiosity.
"So what did your Phîi say earlier? Saw him looking at Dear and laughing."
"Ah..." This time Shin laughed loudly, then moved closer to his short friend, reaching out to push up the chin of the guy who had collapsed on the tatami, saying jokingly.
My Phîi said, "With a face like this, he's suited to star in gay movies. Looks like he'd make good money."
"Huh?!" The person suited for gay movies froze in place, then opened and closed his mouth soundlessly, finding no voice, letting Shin continue as if it was nothing.
"If you (Mueng) agree, you (Mueng) can tell me (Kuu). I (Kuu) wouldn't mind playing opposite you (Mueng)."
"You (Mueng) salad! I (Kuu) don't want it!!!" That was it, Dear yelled loudly, unlike Lexus who asked even more eagerly.
"Hey, so what does your (Thooe) house actually do? Porn business? Isn't yakuza behind that or you (Mueng)?"
Dear could only think in his heart. This guy is also stuck on yakuza. If you (Thooe) meet the real thing, you (Thooe)'ll be scared. And then I won't have fun.
Dear could only think this in his heart, starting to seriously think whether coming with his half-blood friend was right or wrong, making Shin say jokingly.
"Stop imagining things, you (Mueng) guys. Come on, I'm (Kuu) hungry." Words Shin didn't tell the truth about what his Phîi really said.
Why aren't you interested in this friend? He has a nice face. The past is the past, the present is the present. There's no need to be stuck in past sadness.
Because his Phîi had never been in love, that's why he could say that.
"Uncle told me you have a problem."
In the nighttime, Shin stepped out onto the outer walkway and saw his cousin sitting waiting, making him lift the corner of his mouth in a smile. He knew. His Phîi was going to squeeze out his feelings as he always could. As they said, Nirasawa Akira always got what he wanted.
"Is there anything you don't know?" Shin retorted in the same language, making the listener lift the corner of his mouth in a smile.
"Only the things I don't want to know." The half-blood young man let out a soft laugh, even though his expression couldn't hide certain feelings at all.
"Tell me his name. I will make him hurt more than you hurt." Akira said flatly, but so seriously that the listener just shook his head. The pair of sharp eyes that resembled his own cousin's gazed into the distance.
"It's over."
"But your eyes don't say it's over at all."
"Hmph... I am not like you (Thâan), Phîi, who must have what you (Thâan) want. His heart isn't with me. Forcing it would only bring pointless hurt." Shin reached into his trouser pocket, before pulling out a nano block he had just finished assembling not long ago... a tiny motorcycle.
The pieces Shin meticulously assembled one by one, even without instructions, he had managed to put together. A motorcycle shaped like someone's minibike now sat on his palm. He had intended to give it as a New Year's gift, but finished it after that, thinking it might be a birthday gift. But everything... it was over.
Thud
"I never taught you to give up. If you want something, just use force to make it ours." The Phîi grabbed the tiny object from his hand to hold. The sharp eyes stared, making Shin laugh. As he had told Pakin, these two were too similar. Wanting something, they had to have it. Too confident in themselves, they had never experienced real love.
For his Phîi, everything could be obtained by force. He also thought that someone like Phîi Akira would probably end up with a daughter from some major family for business benefits. He couldn't help but feel glad he himself was mixed-race, not having to get involved with all the business here, able to live life as his heart desired.
No one was more suited to inherit the family than his Phîi.
"That's why you (Thâan) have never been in love."
"It's not necessary."
Shin had already guessed his Phîi would say this, making him smile thinly, but his eyes still stared at that nano block in his Phîi's hand.
"... But it seems necessary for you (Thâan)." Words that sounded like a question made Shin just look down.
"Even if it's necessary, it probably can't be the same person." The listener looked at his cousin, whom he saw as a true Nông, silently. Shinji had the strength of a Nirasawa family member. Even though he was sent here since childhood, he never showed weakness. Even when bullied by friends for being mixed-race, leading to fights, he never told anyone. Shinji stood on his own. But his Nông was still too weak regarding feelings.
Every child wearing a necktie thinks love is the most important thing. But when living in society, it's just…
"Is that so?" Akira said flatly, before dropping that nano block onto the floor. Both pairs of eyes met silently, before…
Crunch
"..." Shin could only watch his Phîi's sole step down on that motorcycle. He heard the sound of pieces scattering apart. And when his Phîi lifted his foot, the cool motorcycle was no longer in its original shape. Then Akira spoke up.
"If you're going to cut it off, then cut it clean... Tell me when you want to go to Tokyo. I'll give you the key to the mansion in Ginza."
His Phîi stepped into the room, but Shin remained sitting still right there, looking at the wreckage that had taken him a long time to assemble into this motorcycle without instructions. A large hand reached out to touch it, even as his Phîi's words echoed in his head.
Cut it off clean.
Snap
A teardrop fell from his eye and dripped onto the floor. The silence of the night, with only the sound of water hitting the bamboo tube mingling with the sound of the wind. Then Shin closed his eyes, clenching his hand tightly.
If Phîi were fair enough, you (Thâan) should punish me, not let an innocent person take the punishment like this.
Do you (Thâan) know, Phîi, a dim-wit is someone who stubbornly persists, even knowing there's no way, still can't cut off their feelings.
Then, do you want to try sleeping with a man?
As different as a rabbit and a water buffalo.
You (Thâan) intend to call my real name every time you (Thâan) are displeased, right?
I need someone who is confident that when they love, they love truly. Since I am confident you (Thâan) are that type of person, I must invest and do every possible way to have you (Thâan)... That's all.
Images of memories from meeting in the cheering room until now ran through his head. He was the one who pursued the other. He invested, even opening his legs for that utterly pathetic person. And in the end, he himself...
"I love you (Thâan), Phîi Oat.
He himself was the one who gave his heart to someone who didn't love him.
What do they call hurting like this? The feeling hollowing out in his chest. He didn't want to cry, but tears flowed out by themselves. He didn't want to think about it, but images of him floated into his head... What do they call hurting like this?
***
"Since your (Mueng) name has two syllables, have you (Mueng) ever thought of using the second one instead of the first?"
"And have you (Mueng) ever thought of letting anyone call you (Mueng) 'Ji' instead of 'Shin'?"
"If you (Mueng) want to call me (Kuu) that, I (Kuu) don't mind. But I (Kuu) request to call you (Mueng)..."
"Ugh!!!!"
Dear felt he was right to agree to come to Japan with Shin-jang. Since this trip made him almost forget everything in Thailand... the matter of his senior sister saying she liked his romantic partner, the matter of his parents obstructing as if it never happened. Everything was far away. Part of it had to be thanks to the two friends beside him. In just three days, they had become close enough to curse each other.
And now, Shin-jang was bringing up the topic of Lexus's name while they were on the Shinkansen heading to Tokyo. Before Shin-jang could bring out Lex's weak point, that foreign kid preemptively cursed in English first.
"You (Mueng), don't interfere. You (Mueng) know, when we were kids, he beat up everyone who dared call him 'Sas'."
"Mispronounce it just a little more, and I (Kuu) will hit you (Mueng), Dear." Lexus said irritably. He didn't understand at all why his Phôo chose this name. He understood he was car-crazy, but there were many car brands. Couldn't he find one that didn't rhyme with a curse word? Calling 'Sas-sas', mispronounce it a little and get cursed every time he calls.
Most importantly...
"Heh heh. And you (Mueng), Lex... Sas, is it true or not?"
"Suck my dick!!!"
"Cursing really suits your (Thooe) name." Shin laughed loudly at the person who blurted out a curse without thinking, making Lexus snort forcefully through his nose. This is what he hated about this name. When he was little, it wasn't so bad. Once he started middle school, that was it. Making fun of my (Kuu) name was so fun. Calling me (Kuu) 'damned-animal' didn't hurt as much as 'Lex Sas-sas'. Ugh, the name is utterly self-deprecating. I (Kuu) am big and burly, okay!
"Enough, you (Mueng) guys. You'll all get banned (?). Here, both Thai and foreign, cursing away. Stop! Shin-jang, I don't need to know Japanese curse words right now. Shut your (Mueng) mouth. And also be aware we are in public." Dear, seeing the half-blood open his mouth to speak, quickly spoke up to stop him first. Cursing in other languages wasn't so bad, but cursing in Japanese on a train with Japanese passengers glancing over at these two handsome guys was not good.
"Just in case you (Mueng) want to know. If anyone invites you (Mueng) to do a GV, you (Mueng) can curse them." Shin said jokingly, making the guy with a face suited for gay movies bare his teeth at him.
"Seriously, does my (Kuu) face really have that much potential?"
"I (Kuu) don't know about this. Let I (Kuu) try you (Mueng) once, then I (Kuu) can tell if you (Mueng) have any promise or not."
"You (Mueng) salad! Your (Thooe) house is a cunt!" The person who said he wouldn't curse still slipped up himself. It's irritating, isn't it? Being told his face resembles a gay porn star's face. Then he sighed heavily.
"Enough. At your (Thooe) house, I was stressed to death already. Now that we're out of your (Thooe) house, don't make me more stressed with you (Mueng) guys." Dear confessed that even though Kyoto was interesting, especially with a local like Shin-jang taking them around, including taking them to Osaka, however fun it was, encountering the watchful eyes of people in the house, plus tensing up stiffly when in front of his Phîi, made his nerves frayed.
"Are you (Mueng) sure you (Thooe) are safe now? Who said after leaving Kyoto there would be no eyes from my Phîi?"
Thud
"Are you (Mueng) serious?"
"I (Kuu) was joking."
Grrrr! I (Kuu) want to kill you (Mueng)!!!
Dear bared his teeth, making a move to pounce and strangle that guy joking with a deadpan expression again, and then he had actually believed him completely. The speaker laughed softly before murmuring.
"Please remain calm. Don't act like a crazy person on the train. Oh, and if anyone asks what country you (Mueng) are from, say China. Thais lose face entirely having an unstable person like you (Mueng)." Dear could only snort and flop down onto his seat forcefully, feeling that lately Shin-jang had been especially talkative, to the point it felt like having a second Sun.
Actually, what Sun said was true. It wasn't just I who has changed. Shin has changed too. Similarly. As if he was trying to be cheerful when it wasn't really him.
"But, so, are you (Mueng) gay?" But then, Lexus interjected, making the gay guy turn to meet his eyes, then smile.
"Yeah."
"Not thinking of hiding it?"
"Yeah. I (Kuu) know you (Mueng) wouldn't dare show a disgusted expression because this shorty is too." Whether not, Shin still pointed at the smallest friend who immediately protested.
"I am not! I have given myself to Phîi Porsche." The person who realized he had spoken his romantic partner's name fell silent immediately. His mind drifted to wondering what the other was doing by now. Why hadn't he contacted me? Why had he gone completely silent? Maybe he was with Jae Dream. Maybe he was being forced by Uncle Sak to agree to marry Jae Dream...
That's right. Actually, everything should be like this.
Jae Dream loves Phîi Porsche. If forced to choose between his senior sister and his romantic partner, he would choose his senior sister. It's just that right now, he really couldn't bring himself to talk to Jae Dream like that. Just thinking about having to lose Porsche...
Thud
Dear raised his hand to clutch his shirt over his chest the moment he thought about it. His heart beat with fear.
"Stop rumicating, you (Mueng). We're on a trip, be a bit cheerful. Making a face like a starving dog like this, we'll find you (Mueng) pathetic." Lexus immediately draped an arm over his friend's shoulder, making Dear try to force a smile.
"That's right. I shouldn't think about anything. In ten more days, it won't be too late to deal with it."
When going back to face reality, I will just be sad, that's all.
"Good. Let's help me squeeze this half-blood instead, what exactly does his house do? I still haven't gotten an answer." The listener tried to laugh at the person obsessed with his crazy yakuza idea. He said it was a childhood dream from watching movies and wanting to know what the real thing was like. When in front of it, if you don't seize the opportunity, you're dim-witted.
And that made Dear think of something.
"Yeah, and like this, won't Phîi Oat die? Your (Thooe) Phîi is that extremely ruthless. It's difficult." Dear said as it occurred to him, making the person sitting on the aisle side freeze. A faint smile appeared on his sharp face. A smile the onlooker felt was somehow sad. But what could Shin-jang be sad about?
"It's not beyond his capabilities."
"You (Mueng) are just praising Phîi Oat, aren't you? Yeah, but it's true. I think someone like Phîi Oat would agree to do anything to break through your (Thooe) Phîi's barriers." The person who somewhat knew how serious the senior was, and how determined he was, agreed, but made the listener fall silent for a moment before laughing.
"I (Kuu) think someone like Phîi Oat wouldn't do it."
"Aha! You (Mueng) admit it now, that you (Mueng) were with Phîi Oat. And like this, what will your (Thooe) Phîi say?" Dear still asked curiously, his eyes wide at the inadvertent confession, making Shin just lift the corner of his mouth in a smile. But it was a smile that looked somehow terrifying.
"Hee. If my Phîi knew who my (ex) romantic partner was, he probably wouldn't die well." A threatening statement that made Dear's face fall, quickly changing the subject immediately, not noticing the redhead's expression of self-mocking smile.
Phîi Oat wouldn't do something like that for me (Kuu). If it were you (Mueng), that's another story.
The thoughts of a person who had no idea that the former Head wáak was about to follow someone to Japan very soon.
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