Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
"Goodbye."
A single word that came from Shin's mouth as he pushed himself up from the bed to get dressed, then spun around and left the room without a shred of attachment, and without even a response from the person whose entire lower half was in pain as he sat up on the side of the bed. Oat could only watch the retreating back of the person who had stepped into his life, and was now stepping out of his life.
The gaze that followed that figure until it disappeared from sight, before Oat used both hands to cover his own face.
"Don't go... Shin... don't leave me... don't leave Phîi..."
The words he wanted to say, wanted to use to hold him back, but he could not be so selfish about his own happiness.
More than that.
Shin had chosen. Shin had chosen to go back to that youth.
Smack.
Oat pulled his hands away from his face when he felt the wetness, and then he saw tears. Tears that were dripping into the center of his palm, dripping over and over with no sign of stopping. They were flowing down, fitting for the heartbreak of this moment.
And then the young man uttered the words in his heart.
"I love you, Khun Shin."
Words he wanted to have uttered sooner than this, but it... was too late now.
BAM!!!
At the same time, Shin stepped down to his car with steady resolve. His pair of sharp eyes were calm and devoid of feeling. But the moment he got into the car, a large fist slammed bang onto the steering wheel, before he buried his face against it.
He hadn't wanted to treat Phîi Oat so roughly like that. But everything he had done was just the childish thinking of someone who wanted those marks to last as long as possible.
No matter who Phîi Oat had, he would never forget that the first man he had and lost was Âi'Shin.
This person.
"Why (Kuu) have to love someone like this, Rǒoe."
Smack.
A question Shin asked with his eyes tightly shut, before the tears he had been holding back the whole time flowed down. Drip after drip until they smeared the steering wheel he was burying his face against, along with the sobs in his throat that a strong person like Âi'Shin-jang had never had to shed tears for anything like this before.
"Hng... Why... why (Kuu) have to have this despicable love, Rǒoe!"
Shin lifted his head to look at the building in front of him. The lump in his chest hurt so much he couldn't breathe. It hurt more than when he broke up with Focus. It hurt so much he couldn't put it into words. He only knew it hurt to have to let go of this person's hand.
"Damn it!!!" A curse rang out loudly, before the broad shoulders that were usually held straight slumped forward, and then Shin told himself in a trembling voice.
"I love you, Phîi Oat."
At this moment, two hearts, one love, were understanding things in completely different ways, until they hurt each other's feelings and caused tears to well up and overflow from the pain.
Even though the love was no different... they still had to break up.
***
Since talking with Phîi Oat and crying himself out that day, Dear had given himself a full week. He had both thought over and carefully considered what he was doing, trying to find a way to fix what he had done, until all he could do was grit his teeth and endure... He had to talk with Jae Dream, had to find out what Jae Dream intended to do, and then consult on what he needed to do to keep his relationship with Phîi Porsche going.
"Get rid of all your (Mueng) pride and go bow your head and ask Jae Dream for help!" So, once he had made his decision, he intended to talk things out with his Phîi tonight.
"Jae Dream, Khâa, isn't the drama a bit too realistic, Khâaaaaab?" Dear, who was standing by his bedroom window looking outside the house, saw that his beloved Phîi had gone out with Phîi Porsche again. In his heart, he felt a little secretly annoyed, and was also quite jealous, but told himself it was his own fault for letting things get to this point.
Gulp.
However, the image of the young woman stepping down from the beautiful Aston Martin with a huge bouquet of flowers made his two legs freeze. His heart fluttered strangely.
"From Phîi Tawan, Rǒoe? No, Âi'Sun said Jae Dream refused Phîi Tawan's advances, how could it be him?" A premonition that made Dear quickly step out of the room, and he would have gone downstairs if not for the sound of his Bì-daa's voice rising up first.
"Dream, who gave that to you (Thooe)?"
"Oh, Porsche, Khâa," Darinphan told her Phôo with a smile, as she looked down at the dozen or so bright red roses in her hand. Her eyes looked more sparkling than usual, and she looked so happy that Khun Yut paused in thought, then decided to voice the question he had been wondering about all along.
"Dream... is Cream putting on an act for Bpǎa & Máa, or not?"
"Bpǎa..." Khun Dara, who was not far away, called out in alarm, about the same as Dream who fell silent immediately.
However, the beautiful, sharp eyes still met her Phôo's gaze without looking away.
"I'm (dì-chǎn) asking seriously. Are we making Bpǎa let down his guard, thinking you (Thooe) are really dating Porsche?" The person who had raised his daughter all along, how could he not know how much his daughter loved her Nông? And even though he had tried to act like he didn't see the relationship between his youngest son and his friend's son, he knew it had happened.
Her expression made Dream let out a soft sigh.
"Does Bpǎa think Dream would help Nông, Khâ?"
"Yes!" Khun Yut said with a strong voice, making the listener look away elsewhere, then said softly.
"Yes, Khâ, Cream is helping Nông..."
"Young-lady-Dream!!!" The clear answer made the Phôo roar loudly. Now he had used up all his days off. All his vacation days, sick leave, personal leave, everything he used it to observe his son's behavior. And now his daughter was telling him she was causing his efforts to separate the two of them to crumble.
If Dear was still in Thailand, Dream would definitely have to help. Therefore, Dear had to be sent to live in England!
Gulp.
"But right now, Dream is helping herself, Khâ."
"What do you mean?" But his daughter continued speaking, making him ask back immediately. A question that made Darinphan look down at the roses in her hand and hug them more tightly.
"Bpǎa knows, right, Khâ, that Dear likes Porsche... Please don't say anything to Dream yet, Bpǎa... Cream wants to speak so Bpǎa and Máa understand the same thing, so they don't have to be suspicious about what Dream is doing." The young woman took a deep breath, as if deciding on something important, then looked at her Phôo and Mâe in turn, before voicing the thing most difficult for her.
"Dream has always known, Khâ, that Dear loves Porsche. Has known for many years. That's why Dream made Nông…
"Dream!!!" Even though her Phôo roared, she kept speaking.
"Dream is the one who sent Nông to be with Porsche. Dream knew that Âi'Dear's cuteness would definitely capture Porsche. Dream pushed Nông to fall in love with Porsche herself... even though Dream loves him too."
At this moment, the hearts of everyone in the house almost stopped beating, looking at the face of the person who was confessing what had been in her heart all along. And that made the only daughter smile sadly, her fingertips touching the rose petals as lightly as possible.
"Dream loves Nông. Dream could always sacrifice for Nông. Because of that, ever since Dream knew Dear loved Porsche, Dream tried to cut her feelings for him. Tried to act like she didn't see how Porsche felt about Dream, and even let Phîi Tawan enter her life. Everything Dream did because Dream wanted Nông to be happy, even though it hurt every time she had to keep helping the two of them."
Both Phôo and Mâe looked at their daughter, who was about to cry and had to lift her head to hold back tears, then she continued.
"Dream has always tried to act strong. Acted like Dream never thought anything about Porsche. Was the one to tell him to give up, because Dream chose Nông over love. But what happened made Dream realize... Bpǎa, Máa... The day Dear said Porsche belonged to Dream, that night made Dream realize. Dream was happy. So happy she was angry at herself for wanting to take Nông's thing to be her own..." The young woman let tears fall from her eyes, before lowering her head deeply, trying to suppress the turmoil in her heart to calm down, but she couldn't do it at all.
"Dream is angry at Dear. Angry that Nông kept trying to push Porsche toward Dream, even though Dream had already given up, was trying to love Phîi Tawan already... But Dear brought Dream's old feelings back. The moment Khun Sak wanted Dream to marry Porsche, Dream was happy. So happy she felt even worse about herself... Hng." The young woman sobbed until her body shook, as she bowed her head and hugged the bouquet of roses tightly.
"Hng... Dream is wicked. Dream was the one who told Porsche to pretend to be dating Dream... to make everyone believe we were dating. To make Bpǎa let down his guard. To make Khun Sak trust... Hng... even though... even though it was Dream's own selfishness... Dream wanted... to be close to him... wanted to love him... wanted to marry him..." Slender hands wiped tears from her face, as she lifted her head to look at her Phôo and Mâe.
"Is Dream wrong, Khâ, for wanting to get him back, since Dear has pushed him away? Dear refuses to confront what happened, and even made Porsche hurt like this. Is it wrong for Dream to want him to come back to being Dream's!!!" The young woman slumped down onto the floor, and cried out as if she could no longer hold it back any longer.
Her demeanor made her Mâe move to hug her daughter tightly. Seeing her child upset, how could she not be even more upset?
"Máa... what should Dream do... Cream... Hng... is hurting Nông... is hurting Porsche... Hng..." The delicate frame hugged her Mâe tightly, as all her feelings came pouring out. The endurance of doing everything for Nông shattered the moment Dear pushed Porsche toward her.
The crying of a strong person now vulnerable made Khun Yut's face tense, before he moved to kneel beside his daughter.
Thump.
"Dream, you're such a fool, Dream..." The middle-aged man embraced his daughter's form, a large hand stroking her head comfortingly.
"Dream has done enough for Nông. There's no need to do that for Dear anymore. Dear will be nineteen. When you (Thooe) were that age, you (Thooe) could do everything yourself, could decide everything yourself. You (Thooe) don't need to keep doing everything for Nông anymore..." The Phôo said painfully, that he, as the real Phôo, hadn't even realized how much he had pushed the burden of his youngest son onto his oldest daughter.
No matter how capable Dream was, she was only twenty-five. Taking care of her Nông alone like this was a burden he had pushed onto his daughter for too long.
"Bpǎa... Hng... What should Dream do... what should I (dì-chǎn) do..." A question that made the listener pause for a moment, before saying loudly.
"I (dì-chǎn) will make sure Dream marries Porsche!"
"Bpǎa! What about Dear?!" Khun Dara immediately called out to her Phûa, and that made the listener just continue with a strong voice.
"The matter between Dear and Porsche must end. Everything must stop. Just think about it, how is our daughter marrying Porsche better than our son anyway? Since Dream loves Porsche, and if Porsche used to love Dream, why couldn't he turn back to love the same woman... You (Thooe) don't have to do things for Nông anymore. Have a life for yourself sometimes. Do as your own heart desires sometimes. Bpǎa believes our Dream can make Porsche love you (Thooe) again without much difficulty." The words of the Phôo made his daughter bite her lip tightly and bury her face into the protective embrace that had always shielded her.
CRASH!!!
GASP!!!
But then, the crashing sound coming from the second floor made the whole house look up. And it was Darinphan who gasped in shock, quickly pushing herself out of her Phôo's embrace and running up to the second floor.
"Dear!!!"
The sight of her Nông looking at her like a stranger made Dream freeze, a groan of his name stuck in her throat.
"Jae..." The Nông immediately took a step back as his Phîi moved toward him. Everything he had heard was hurting him severely.
Jae Dream had done it for him. And now Jae Dream was going to take Phîi Porsche back.
"Dear, listen to Jae..."
"Is there anything else Dear should listen to? Dear heard everything..." The young pup took another step back, his voice trembling. His eyeballs felt searing hot, but the tears didn't fall. His heart was hurting until it felt numb. Hurting until he didn't know how he should cry.
"It's not..."
"Dear won't listen!!! Dear won't listen anymore! Jae Dream lied to Dear! Lied all along!!!"
"Dear!!!" His Phîi's voice could not penetrate his eardrums, as Dear spun around back into his room followed by the loud BANG of the door slamming shut, not listening to the voice of his Phîi who was trying to call out to him in front of the door.
Screech.
The small frame leaning against the door slid down with gravity until he sat slumped on the floor.
"I'm (Kuu) stupid... stupid, fitting for how everyone curses me (Kuu)..." A trembling, muffled voice told himself, as lonely thoughts echoed in his head.
Jae Dream loves Phîi Porsche. All along. Jae Dream has always loved Phîi Porsche.
The thought made Dear lift his head, leaning against the door, and tell himself.
"Sorry, Phîi Oat. Looks like I will make your rib break for nothing, Phîi, Lá."
Devoid of tears, yet full of heartbreak.
***
"Someone, please take me (Kuu) away from here!!!"
At this moment, Âi'Dear, the group's clown, was lamenting to himself, as he looked at his two close friends, his fellow gang members who... how to put it... Hmm... can't describe their condition, Rǒoe!
Since now one was spacing out, not responding to any calls, eyes lifeless like a dead person but not crying like every other time, while the redheaded guy was as still as a statue, wearing headphones, thinking about something inaccessible.
The atmosphere around the two of them was like dark clouds floating overhead, rumbling with thunder all the time... scary as bloody fuck.
"You (Mueng) guys, you (Mueng) guys tell me (Kuu) what's wrong. I (Kuu) might be able to help."
"Âi'Dear, you (Mueng) tell me (Kuu), Sí, what happened. Did your (Mueng) Phôo do something again? You (Mueng) just stay silent like this, I'm (Kuu) worried, Rǒoe. At the very least... yeah yeah, crying it out is still good, you (Mueng) know, friend." Sun, who was worried about the little-one, moved to pull its head in for a hug, but the one being hugged merely sighed, not buying it, meaning not saying a single word.
Abnormal as bloody hell. Someone like Âi'Dear should be complaining loudly, acting like everything was a life-or-death matter, when upset he bloody cried like a relative died, not sitting still like a lifeless doll like this.
... But Âi'Dear was still silent, making him turn his attention to the other person.
"Hey, Âi'Shin-jang, you (Mueng) say something, Thòe. Don't make me (Kuu) talk alone like a psycho like…
Huh, wait. He's listening to music, will he hear me (Kuu), Rǒoe.
Snap.
Therefore, the person not afraid of death pulled the headphones off the half-blood's ears, making the owner just turn to look, then bent down to grab another iPod.
Thump.
"Âi'fucking-Shin-jang!!! Whatever's going on with you (Mueng), say it out loud, Sí! Staying silent like this, how will I (Kuu) know anything?!" Finally, the usually calm-tempered person roared and wáak-ed in the middle of the lecture hall, making everyone turn to look. But Âi'Sun was more than annoyed enough with these two corpses. He had been as cool as he could be.
"You (Mueng) guys tell me (Kuu) what happened!!!"
"Hey, Âi'Sun, calm down." His not-good demeanor made the other friend quickly step over to grab Âi'Dear, the group's clown's, shoulder, and that made Sun shake the shoulder off, then say with a strong voice.
"You (Mueng) look at them. If they have a problem, why don't they tell me (Kuu), Rǒoe? I'm (Kuu) their friend, you (Mueng) shit-lizard, bloody hell!!!" The person who couldn't take it anymore cursed loudly in the middle of the hall, and that made Dear lift his head and say softly.
"It's nothing. Because it's nothing, I (Kuu) don't tell you (Mueng)." An answer that sounded abnormal no matter how you heard it, making Sun clench his jaw even tighter, and that made Shin heave a heavy sigh and say in a calm voice.
"Same. My (Kuu) matter is nothing now. To be honest, it's over. That's why I (Kuu) don't know what to tell you (Mueng)..."
"But the condition you (Mueng) two are in looks anything but normal!" The person who knew his friends' natures well complained further, making the person trying to stop him try even harder to restrain Âi'Dear, the group's clown.
Screech.
"Sorry I'm late. We can start class now. And over there, what's going on...
"Uh, nothing, Kháp, Professor. They're just playing around, Kháp." But before things could go further, the professor opened the classroom door with a hurried demeanor, and also turned to look at the spot where a lot of students were gathered, making another friend quickly speak up to explain, until the listener narrowed his eyes slightly.
"If there's no issue, then take your seats. We'll start class now." When the professor said that, everyone dispersed back to their seats, in a way that made Sun drop himself onto his chair heavily, still in a bad mood that his two friends wouldn't say anything.
"Âi'Sun, it's really nothing."
"I (Kuu) don't believe it!" Sun retorted to the young pup immediately, making the person who had changed as if he were a different person sigh.
"Hmm, if you (Mueng) don't believe it, it's fine."
"This isn't you (Mueng) at all, Âi'Dear..."
"Over there! Will you be chatting much longer? If you want to chat, go outside!" His demeanor made the professor warn them again, until Sun had to sit properly, though he still looked at his close friends with worry.
Not you (Mueng). This isn't the Âi'Dear I (Kuu) know at all.
"I (Kuu) want to go to Japan with you (Mueng), Âi'Shin-jang."
After class ended, suddenly Dear spoke up amidst the suspicion and also annoyance of Nǎai Athit, and that made Shin turn to look.
"You (Mueng) sure?"
"Hmm. I (Kuu) told my (Kuu) Mâe. My (Kuu) Mâe said going on a faraway trip is good, staying home is just suffocating for no reason." Right now, he couldn't even look at Jae Dream's face, and that made the listener nod.
"You (Mueng) Xerox your (Mueng) passport and give it to me (Kuu) then. I'll (Kuu) handle the ticket matter. How long will you (Mueng) stay? I'm (Kuu) going for a month. If you (Mueng) want to come back with me (Kuu), I'll (Kuu) go get the visa sorted out properly too."
"No. I (Kuu) will probably come back sooner. I (Kuu) have to come back to give my (Kuu) answer about studying to my (Kuu) Bpǎa."
"Wait wait wait! Hey! What are you (Mueng) guys talking about? And what's this about continuing studies? Don't tell me (Kuu) you (Mueng) are going to England with your (Mueng) Phôo." Sun, who heard the two of them, couldn't help but interject. Was this the root cause that made Âi'Dear look so troubled like this? Was his Phôo forcing him to go abroad, Mǎi?
A question that made Dear turn to meet his gaze.
"I (Kuu) still don't know, Rǒoe. After exams finish, I (Kuu) have a month to decide." Dear gave a weak smile that made the person who asked not dare to ask further, only knowing that it was serious. Very, very serious.
"Hey, for real, Rǒoe, you (Mueng)?"
"Super cool, Rǒoe!"
"Oooh, I want to see the driver's face."
"What's going on today, Rǒoe? Why does it look so chaotic and strange?" However, the surroundings which seemed to be buzzing about something made Sun remark, and true to his nature as someone knowledgeable about university affairs (a busybody, that is), he followed the others, before whistling in clear understanding.
"Whoa, super cool, Rǒoe. A Lamborghini, at that." Yes, in front of them was a super cool yellow supercar parked imposingly in front of the building, attracting the gazes of young women who wanted to know who owned it, as well as the envious looks of young men staring without looking away.
"Stands out like bloody fucking hell." Sun kept muttering to himself, in a way that his two friends weren't interested in, just about to avoid it and go another way.
"Let's go, you (Mueng). It's not related to us."
Sigh. Let-me-die, Âi'Dear. Every other time you (Mueng) would be excited with me (Kuu).
Nǎai Athit could only shake his head, as he was about to follow his friends another way. However, before stepping forward, Dear paused for a moment, then looked back at the luxury car again.
"Hey, Âi'Dear, where are you (Mueng) going?" Dear ignored Âi'Sun's calling voice. He remembered there was someone who loved supercars as his life's soul. Someone from a car-crazy family. Someone who said when he was old enough he would tell his Phôo to buy him a Lamborghini. That person.
"Âi'Lexus!!!"
Yes. A close friend. A childhood friend. A sworn friend who knew everything. A friend who was like a brother. Nǎai Phasakorn. The youngest son of Akramethakorn.
At the same moment, as soon as the person in the car saw who was running straight toward the front of the car, the tall figure opened the door and stepped out, revealing a man with a tall build not unlike his Phîi's, a sharp, intense face, but with light brown hair. Everything about him that anyone who saw would know he was a sibling with Purin. The handsomeness, the similar sharp intensity, though much younger, made Dear stand frozen in place.
"Âi'Dear." Lexus stepped down with a wide smile, making his sharp eyes look sparkling and bright, and also hiding a more playful glint than his Phîi's. Then the tall figure opened his arms and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Your (Mueng) friend is back."
Thump.
Dear wasn't embarrassed in the slightest to jump into the embrace of this friend. The person who hugged his frame tightly, matching the longing of not having seen each other for years. And even though Dear thought he had no tears left to shed, that everything had dried up on the day he heard his Phîi loved Phîi Porsche, right now he cried.
He was back. The person who was ready to listen to everything was back.
"Âi'Lex, Âi'Lex, Hng... friend was about to die, why did you (Mueng) come so late? Why so late?!" A question that made the listener hug the trembling frame of the Shorty-from-next-door tightly, though his face tensed up for a flash. Since the reason he came back was because he knew from his Phôo.
The person who called to ask if he knew about his Phîi and Âi'Dear, until he had to arrange to return to Thailand as quickly as possible. He knew how fragile his childhood playmate was. And it was as expected. The first glimpse he saw... Âi'Dear looked like he was about to die from heartbreak.
"I (Kuu) am back. Don't worry. I'm (Kuu) by your (Mueng) side. No matter what, I (Kuu) will always be by your (Mueng) side, Âi'Dear."
If Âi'Dear had no one left, at the very least he still had this Âi'Lex who liked to act like one of his Phîis.
"You (Mueng) came late... Âi'car-crazy-Hǐa! You (Mueng) came late!!!"
Words that made Dear hug his friend even tighter, blaming him with his mouth, while Lexus lifted his head to look at his friend from junior high school days.
"Hey, Âi'Sun." Sun immediately broke into a wide smile, and also walked straight over to slap his friend's shoulder heavily, then said jokingly.
"Âi'Dear's bodyguard is back, I see."
"It's... not a bodyguard... me (Kuu)," a muffled protest sounded from against Âi'Lex's chest, making the person hugging him pat his head lightly.
"You (Mueng) cry quietly. Friends need to greet each other." Having said that, he made eye contact with the friend who, in junior high, was in a different class, but was in the same gang that played football together.
"I (Kuu) came back to help Âi'Dear." The firm tone and serious look in Âi'Lexus's eyes gave Sun goosebumps.
Sun remembered well that he had known Âi'Dear since junior high precisely because he was close friends with this Âi'Lex. Back then, Âi'Dear was tiny, and the person by his side was this Âi'Lexus. The person who was bloody hell more outstanding than anyone, truly capable, truly ruthless, someone who took things seriously, the person who always protected the Shorty next to him, until everyone jokingly called him Âi'Dear's bodyguard. And now this bodyguard had come back to help his friend.
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