Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
“I’m (Kuu) bored. Midterm exams are coming again. I don’t know what the hell to study for. My (Kuu) head only has sawdust.”
“Then, do you want me (Kuu) to help slap it out for you?”
After classes ended, the third-year students dispersed in different directions. Some went to the faculty room, some to classrooms, some went home. But for Oat’s group, which consisted of himself, Sai-fah, and Dok Khem, they were walking down to buy drinks and snacks before going back to grind on their reports further. The loud-voiced, big-built young man, Sai-fah, was complaining incessantly, until Dok Khem commented amusedly.
This time, the listener glanced at him briefly, before raising a cunning smile.
“If you’re going to slap it out, I (Kuu) might lose my good looks. Can a kiss be a substitute, beautiful?”
“Oh, with a face like that you still dare to call yourself good-looking? Manage to be as good as your Phîi first, then praise yourself, you bullheaded fish.” Dok Khem said while laughing loudly, her two hands digging into her shop jacket pockets with a relaxed demeanor. That made Sai-fah make a face.
“My (Kuu) Phîi and I (Kuu), our faces are from completely different molds, huh? I heard you’re twins…” But then Sai-fah fell silent for a moment, narrowing his eyes a little. Then he placed a hand on the young woman’s slender shoulder, bent down, and whispered in a cunning tone.
“Deep down, you really want to praise me (Kuu) as good-looking. You don’t have to bring up my (Kuu) Phîi, you know.” Dok Khem snapped her head around immediately, fuming, and then saw the face of her fellow faculty friend who was only a short distance away. After that, the young woman raised a sweet, gentle smile, and then…
Whap
“Ouch!”
“Just in case you stop being so egotistical, you bullheaded fish.” Sai-fah yelled out when his close friend slapped the top of his head, forcing him to let go of the hand holding her shoulder, pointing at his own forehead first, making the young woman laugh loudly. The playful demeanor of the two friends made Oat merely laugh softly, unable to resist teasing.
“Are you two flirting? Have you forgotten that I (Kuu) came along too?”
“A 3P with me (Kuu) is fine, Oat. With you (Mueng), I (Kuu) am okay with that.” Dok Khem said jokingly, and that made the person holding his head say in a laughter-tinged voice.
“Then that means you’re okay with me (Kuu) too.” That made the person who got tricked fall silent for a beat, then not retorting, walking ahead to the snack shop. However, true to the nature of a beautiful young woman who is inquisitive about everything, her eyes quick to spot interesting matters turned to collide with someone who was standing hesitantly around the building entrance area.
“Hey, where are you (Mueng) going?” Therefore, Dok Khem headed straight in that direction immediately, in a way that made Sai-fah ask loudly, just as Oat turned to look, and then could only… freeze.
That youth!
Oat unintentionally furrowed his brows when he saw a young man in a high school uniform, blue pants. The person had a slender face, even with a high-top haircut, but it didn’t reduce this youth’s cuteness at all. The person he remembered well… Shin’s ex-romantic partner. And at this moment, that youth was pursing his lips with an uncomfortable demeanor, both hands gripping his bag strap tightly.
The demeanor made Oat have an indescribable premonition, until he quickly followed his friend.
“Nông, Khráp. Where are you going, Nông? Are you lost?” Dok Khem quickly gave a smile, and made the person who was addressed startle slightly, looking up with a confused expression, before pressing his lips together. That made the addresser unable to stop thinking.
Oh my, what a youth with such a cuuuute face. Is he really a boy?
“Um… are you studying engineering, Khráp?” Even though Focus could guess from the shirt he was wearing, he asked to be sure, making the kind-looking older woman nod.
“Yes, Nông. Are you looking for the Engineering building, Khráp?”
“N-no, Khráp. I came to find a senior. Uh, a senior from my school, he studies engineering here, Khráp. But I can’t find him.” The young man said softly, making the listener exclaim in understanding.
“Who is it, Nông? Maybe Phîi knows him.”
“Ph-Phîi Shin, Khráp. He’s in year 1. The last time we met, Phîi had red hair. Do you know him at all, Khráp?” The whole time Oat stood watching quietly, he thought this youth definitely wouldn’t remember him. He couldn’t help but wonder why, if he came to find Shin, he didn’t call him. But that wasn’t something he was as interested in as the red, bruised eyes, the demeanor that looked like he was about to cry, not to mention the shoulders hunched inward as if needing someone to protect him.
It’s probably youths like this that everyone wants to take care of… and Shin must have been one of them.
“I know him, Nông… I know him very well. That Âi'Shin-jang, Chonnon, right? Nông’s senior is extremely famous, right? Isn’t that right, Âi'Oat?” Âi'Sai-fah interjected jokingly, even nudging his chest lightly with an elbow. And that was the first time Focus turned to look at the face of the senior who had come over with the whole group, and his gaze stopped at Oat.
“Uh… Phîi, are you…” Are you the person who was with Phîi Shin, Khráp?
Focus thought uncertainly about the person who had made such a tense, scary face. And of course, suddenly he didn’t dare ask. It was Oat himself who sighed.
“Yes, Khráp. We’ve met before. You came to find Shin, right? Wait, Phîi will take you.”
“Ah, thank you, Khráp. Thank you very much, Khráp.”
Thud
As soon as Oat finished speaking, Focus broke into a wide smile, raising his hands in a polite wâi like a well-mannered youth, making the onlooker only stand stunned by the smile that made this young man indescribably attractive. However, he wasn’t stunned by the cuteness. He was just starting to have questions for himself instead.
Shin’s ex-romantic partner can be this cute? Then why did he say he liked me?
“Hey, do you (Mueng) know this Nông or what, Wá?”
“I’ll tell you later.” Oat turned to tell his friend, before continuing.
“Can you two go by yourselves? Don’t fight to the death. I (Kuu) will take this Nông to find Shin first.” Having said that, he turned to look at the person much smaller than him who was looking up with wide eyes, then nodded to him.
“Come on. Wait, Phîi will take you.” The words made Focus smile widely, then follow obediently, leaving Sai-fah only to stand there thinking to himself… he felt his friend was acting strange.
“Hey, you (Mueng), you (Mueng). Do you (Mueng) feel it, that Âi'Oat looks kinda tense?” Even Dok Khem remarked, making her close friend, Âi'Oat, turn to laugh in her face.
“Tense about what, dammit? I (Kuu) think he’s just looking for an excuse not to go down to buy things. Let’s go, I’m (Kuu) hungry.” Sai-fah cut the conversation off quickly, making the young woman make a face, but she agreed to change the subject, even though she couldn’t help but wonder.
Âi'Oat really looks tense.
***
Let-me-die, why am I (Kuu) this irritated, Wá! Oat could only curse to himself. His thoughts circled around only the youth walking behind him. But on the outside, the former Head wáak still kept a stern, scary face, lips set in a straight line, eyes calm and still in a way that made every junior who walked past raise their hands in a wâi en masse, then veer to another path.
The demeanor made the person following him unable to help feeling uncomfortable.
“I am sorry, Khráp.”
“Hmm.” Oat made a soft sound, glancing at the person following, and then found the other party gripping his bag strap tightly, then saying in a trembling voice.
“I must be disturbing your time.”
“No, you’re not. Not disturbing anything… Just a moment. Walking around looking like this probably won’t find him. Wait, Phîi will try calling Shin for you.”
Grab
“Phîi, Khráp!!!!” However, even before Oat could take out his phone, the other party grabbed his arm, and also called out in an alarmed voice, making him turn to look.
“Phîi, can you not tell him that I am the one who came to find him, Khráp? It’s… it’s that Phîi Shin… Phîi Shin probably doesn’t want to see me. But I really have something important to tell him, Khráp.” That must be the reason this youth didn’t dare call Shin for sure.
The tall person told himself in his heart, understanding now why this youth came to stand waiting like that. But did he think Shin would come out that way? Waiting until he died, he wouldn’t meet him. Moreover, he wanted to ask… wanted to know what exactly this youth wanted to tell his romantic partner, but he couldn’t say it.
“Hmm.” Even though he wanted to refuse, in the end he agreed with a murmur in his throat, then dialed the number of another person who, just a few days ago, Had still come to sleep in his room.
[What’s up, Khráp-phŏm?]
Thud
Oat could only freeze at the cheerful tone on the other end. Lately, he had noticed that when Shin answered his phone, if he wasn’t being an annoying fucker to him, he used a tone like this. It gave a feeling of being much more familiar than the calm, bored tone he heard him use with others. And that seemed to shake his stony heart, making it sway.
“Where are you?”
[And why do I have to tell you where I’m going, Phîi?] The other party said with a laughter-tinged voice, in a good mood.
“I’m coming to find you.” The other end fell silent for a moment, and then Oat heard words that made him feel indescribably good.
[I (Kuu) am heading back, you guys.]
[Hoy! Where are you going? We said we’d eat at my (Kuu) room tonight!] Dear’s voice interjected loudly, but he paid no attention to the clear, high voice, equal to the lower, more subdued voice that was still in such a good mood he could feel it.
[My (Kuu) date is more important than your (Mueng) dinner skills… What’s up, Phîi? Where are you? Wait, I’ll come find you. I (Kuu) want to eat steak, Wá. Let’s go eat.]
Oat could only freeze, Hand gripping the phone tightly. He wanted to turn and tell the other young man that the person he came to find had gone home already. However, the high sense of propriety he possessed made him tell the location where he was standing. He heard the other party say ‘in a bit,’ then hang up.
“Are you close with Phîi Shin, Khráp?”
Snap
But then, a clear voice spoke up, making him turn to look at the person beside him, and found the other party staring at him silently, making him unable to answer. But Focus nodded to himself first.
“You must be close, right, Khráp? Phîi Shin doesn’t like watching movies with people he’s not close to. He doesn’t like sitting next to someone he doesn’t know who makes him uncomfortable… That day, I saw the two of you going together.” For some reason, even though he should feel good that Shin agreed to go with just the two of them, Oat felt indescribably uncomfortable. He felt like this youth was saying he knew Shin better than he did. And what hurt was that it was the truth.
He didn’t know at all that Shin was like that.
And why do I (Kuu) have to feel hurt too, Wá?
Oat was starting to realize that he had some feelings for that Âi'half-blood youth. He didn’t know since when, but it was growing more and more. It might have started at the racing field, during their first time having sex, when it revealed itself to him, or any of those moments. Until now, Nǎai Athit or this Âi'Oat person was feeling something.
“Hey, Phîi Oat.”
Thud
A call came from behind, but Oat instead saw the other young man’s body stiffen, his small frame seeming to tremble slightly, bowing his head immediately, making him turn back to look at the person who had shouted a greeting from another direction.
“Is the sky going to collapse, the earth to crumble today? You called me (Kuu) first, Ná.” Shin said while raising a smile at the corner of his mouth, admitting he was in a good mood. Before he could look at the other person who was completely hidden behind the tall, large frame, his long legs stepped forward. But then he had to freeze when he noticed the stern, tense expression on the other party’s face.
Just seeing his face, Shin felt something must be up.
“There’s someone here to see you.”
“Who?”
Instead of answering, Oat moved aside to make way, and that made Shin see the person he least wanted to see. The person who was trying to hold back tears until his body shook, looking up at him even though his eyes were swollen with clear droplets. The person who, merely seeing his face, let out a soft sob.
“What is this about!” Shin turned to ask his senior in a strong voice, making the listener choose not to meet his eyes, then say flatly.
“I ran into this Nông in front of the building. He said he was looking for you.”
“Phîi Shin…” Shin turned back to look at his ex-romantic partner, who was now letting tears fall onto his cheeks, and also moved closer, making him narrow his eyes.
Not being hurt by an ex doesn’t mean he’s happy to see them.
“Sigh.” In the end, at least because they had been romantic partners for almost a year, Shin stepped forward to stand in front of him.
“What is it, Focus?” The question made the listener reach out to grab his arm uncertainly, before uttering words that made both listeners feel as if time had stopped.
“Focus… hik… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… Phîi Shin… please forgive Focus… please… huu.” The owner of the name Shin could only stand still, taken by surprise. At the same time, the current romantic partner of Nǎai Chonnon could only turn to look away, not looking at the appropriate scene in front of him, along with the thought rushing into his heart.
Yes, at the moment he was feeling something for Shin… it was the same moment its ex-romantic partner came back.
“I will go ahead. You talk with this Nông.”
Shin’s thoughts still swirled back to the former Head wáak who had told him flatly, his gaze seeming to have questions but not speaking them out, then walking away in another direction, making his good mood vanish instantly. His thick eyebrows furrowed sharply. He wanted to grab his shoulder and ask what he was thinking, bringing Focus to find me (Kuu).
Making a face like that, what does it mean, Wá!?!
“Ph-Phîi Shin… Phîi Shin, are you listening to me, Khráp?”
Snap
Shin swept his gaze to look at his ex-romantic partner immediately, making Focus, who was trying to say something, look upset, bowing his head not daring to meet his eyes, until the person who had let his thoughts go to someone else heaved a heavy sigh. Even though he was hurt as shit by this youth, he couldn’t be heartless to Focus.
“What is it? I (Kuu) have plans with a friend.” The half-blood young man wanted to roar loudly because he had agreed to cancel plans with friends to come find Phîi Oat, but the other party didn’t seem to have any thought of wanting to go out with him at all.
Just thinking about it makes me (Kuu) irritated to death.
The answer, not saving face, made the listener bite his lip tightly, letting tears fall onto his cheeks, making Shin sigh and soften his tone.
“Focus, if you have business with Phîi, just say it.”
“Phîi Shin… are you very angry with Focus, Khráp…” The listener fell silent for a moment, before raising a smile at the corner of his mouth.
“To answer truthfully, yes. So much so that I (Kuu) still don’t want to look at your face.” The speaker also didn’t think to spare feelings, since this youth’s matters were no longer related to him in any way. He didn’t need to save face. And that made the listener bow his head even lower, crying out as if his whole heart hurt.
“Hik… Focus… Focus is sorry. Focus knows now that Focus was wrong. Hik… huu… Focus hurt Phîi Shin because of Focus. Phîi and Phîi Bas… broke up… It’s Focus’s own fault…” The high school youth sobbed out at the top of his voice, in a way that people walking past turned to look curiously. But Shin didn’t care who would gossip about it however they wanted.
“Focus, I’m (Kuu) asking honestly. What do you want, coming to find me (Kuu)? I (Kuu) am not your romantic partner anymore. Not even an acquaintance. I (Kuu) cut off being friends with Âi'Bas. So tell me your business. I (Kuu) don’t have time to sit here and listen to us cry.” It was another time Shin spoke flatly, raising his arms to cross over his chest in a way that others might comfort, but for him… he didn’t think to get involved with the person who had once hurt him.
He had been gentle even in the last minute they parted. That was all he could give. From now on, he and Focus were just ex-senior and junior. Nothing more than that.
The listener could only bite his own lip until it hurt, looking at his ex-romantic partner’s face silently, then using the back of his hand to wipe his tears forcefully, gathering his courage to say in a sobbing voice.
“I feel guilty… I have felt guilty all along for betraying Phîi Shin. I wanted to come apologize… I know well that Phîi Shin has no way of forgiving me. But I also wanted to come apologize. I wanted to say that karma has caught up with me. Hik…” The small-built young man suppressed a sob with all his might, even though his body shook pitifully.
“Now Phîi Bas… Phîi Bas doesn’t pay attention to me at all. He doesn’t come find me. Each time I call, he doesn’t answer. I know… I realize now that it’s like what I did to Phîi Shin. What made Phîi Shin hurt… Phîi Bas is now doing to me. So I wanted to come apologize that… I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. Please forgive me… Hik… Ná, Khráp… forgive me…” Focus raised his hands in a wâi, tears and all, making the onlooker stare at the white face that was now completely smeared.
The face of someone he had once loved very much. The face of someone who had betrayed his trust. The face of someone who had returned and said, please forgive me.
“What good does apologizing now do?”
Thud
Shin asked flatly, making the listener sob even harder. He really felt guilty, guilty for hurting the person in front of him. Moreover, what he did to Phîi Shin had come back to haunt him.
Phîi Shin and Phîi Bas were unbelievably different. Phîi Shin started from zero and went to a hundred, while Phîi Bas started from a hundred and went down to zero.
From the first day they were together, Phîi Shin got better and better to him, kinder, more gentle. While Phîi Bas was good to him only at first. After that, no attention, no care, no regard for how he felt. And that made a part of Focus realize… he shouldn’t have betrayed Phîi Shin at all. He shouldn’t have hurt Phîi Shin like this.
“At least… hik… Focus doesn’t want to feel guilty forever…” The small person said in a trembling voice, before looking up to meet his eyes, then saying in a serious tone.
“Phîi Shin… Focus will break up with Phîi Bas.”
The words made Shin look with disbelief in his eyes, and he also wanted to ask…
What good does telling me (Kuu) now do?
***
After sending that high school youth to Shin, Oat couldn’t focus on his report. Everything passed through his head in a way he couldn’t think straight, until he returned to his room. He still kept circling and thinking about that youth’s matter until his head almost split. And what he wondered most… would those two get back together?
Thump
“Let-me-die, Âi'Oat. Stop thinking about Shin for once.” The young man told himself in a heavy voice, rubbing his head hard as he dropped himself to lie on the bed, eyes open staring at the ceiling. But behind his eyes, he saw the person who had come to play in his room just a few days ago, and this bed, the bed where they had just had sex.
Bang bang bang bang bang
“Hmm.” But then, Oat turned to look in another direction when someone pounded on his door loudly. But then, the single thought of who might be visiting made him quickly jump up, then walk quickly to open the door.
Grab
Bang!
“Mmm!!!” And as soon as he opened the door, the visitor pushed in rapidly, used a foot to close the door, then yanked the collar of the room owner’s shirt to press a heavy kiss onto his well-shaped lips. The well-shaped mouth tried to press close, bestowing a hot touch until Oat was dizzy.
“Wait… mmm… Shin… stop first…” The person who started to regain his composure pushed the junior’s body away gently, but instead made the person who was already fully irritated yank his shirt collar closer, then insert his tongue inside willfully. That made the room owner furrow his brows sharply, then just let it be, with a response of returning the touch until it was just as tight and close.
“Mmm… ah.” Shin made a sound in his throat as he sent his hands under his male romantic partner’s shirt, both hands stroking the broad back, also trying to yank the other’s shirt off.
Grab
“Shin!!! What are you doing!”
“Doing what I want to do.” Shin had his shoulders firmly gripped while the room owner asked in a strong voice, his pair of sharp eyes gleaming, making the person who had to answer also speak in a voice just as heavy. After that, the half-blood young man grabbed Oat’s arm and pushed him down onto the long sofa, making the pushed person furrow his brows sharply.
Whoosh
“Shin!!!” Oat could only utter something between a shout and a yell when the other took off his shirt and threw it in another direction. After that, the red-haired young man followed to straddle him, then said words the listener couldn’t believe his ears.
“Have sex with me a bit.”
Grab
Crash!
“What the shit, Phîi Oat!!!” But then, Shin, who was about to lean down to press a kiss on the other, yelled out when suddenly the person lying under his body got up, then yanked him, pushed him until his back slammed into the sofa back with full force, until his eyes gleamed darkly with anger. And he was even angrier when Oat spoke in a heavy voice.
“I am not anyone’s substitute!”
“Substitute for what, dammit!” Shin snapped back, staring into the eyes of the other who looked at him as if disappointed about something. After that, Oat let go of his arm and was the one to stand up.
“You go back. Right now, you don’t really want to have sex with me.”
“If I didn’t want to with you, then what the root-dammit would I come find you for!!”
“And I am also not your emotional dumping ground because of your ex either!!! I am not anyone’s substitute!!!” This time Oat yelled loudly, both fists clenched tight, when images of the two people flashed into his head. Even though he hadn’t stayed to watch further, there were friends who saw the incident and came to tell that Shin wiped tears for that youth.
And you’ll say there’s nothing going on?!!!!
The words made Shin’s eyes instantly gleam, jumping up immediately, then merely smiling.
“What are you thinking, Phîi? Do you think you’re a substitute for my ex or what!!!”
“Yes! I think you are looking at me as a substitute! Don’t take your irritation because of that youth out on our sex. I don’t want any part of it.”
Grab… This time Shin yanked the other closer to stare into his eyes with anger, seeing the agitation in the other’s eyes no less.
Yes, he was irritated about Focus. But what the hell does that have to do with Phîi Oat bringing up that youth at a time like this, until uttering forbidden words.
“Huh, when I was even willing to be a substitute for Âi'Dear for you.”
“Chonnon!!!” Oat yelled the other’s real name furiously. But there was no way Shin would be afraid, because he himself stared as if challenging, not fearing the other in the slightest.
“When I speak the truth, you can’t take it, huh.” The half-blood young man smiled mockingly, making the listener clench his fists tight. After a moment, he relaxed them, then pulled the other’s hand off his shirt collar.
“You go back. Talking now will just lead to a pointless fight.” Shin wanted to punch the other’s face hard. He thought that after the what-the-hell incident he heard from Focus, there would be a refuge for his current feelings. But it turned out the other also pushed him far away.
Yes, he had once looked at others as substitutes for Focus. But not with Phîi Oat. Not with the person he was willing to be a bottom for like he was these days!!!!
Shove.
Shin pushed the other with full force, looked at him with a scary gaze, before the person himself grabbed his shirt and turned to go in another direction.
Bang!!!!
The room door closed with a loud sound as the visitor stepped out, leaving the room owner rubbing his head hard. He wanted to hold him back, but he admitted he himself was angry. Talking would just lead to a pointless fight in the end. Especially about sex… having it wouldn’t be hard, but he didn’t want to have it at a time when Shin wasn’t thinking about him.
Even though at the very beginning he hadn’t felt anything either, when he had sex with Shin he had never looked at Shin as a substitute for anyone.
Thump
Oat dropped himself to sit on the sofa, using both hands to rub his own face hard. At this moment, he couldn’t settle one thing in his mind.
At the same time, Shin quickly walked down to the lower floor, his eyes sharp and gleaming in a way that was scary.
Crash!!!
“Damn it, Wôoi!!!” The half-blood young man kicked a nearby trash can until it fell over with a loud sound, then cursed out at the top of his voice in extreme anger, raising a fist to punch the wall hard, hoping to vent the irritation in his heart to lessen it even a little.
Shin never thought the first fight of their being romantic partners would be about Focus… about a person he didn’t want to be involved with in the slightest.
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