Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
“This semester break, are you not going anywhere except sticking around with us, Wá?”
“Well, I have nothing to do.”
Inside the comprehensive car modification shop that has everything from parts to skilled mechanics, Oat is squatting next to his friend in a bear-patterned outfit who is looking at the engine of a large sports bike, until Payu glances over and speaks up.
“What about the half-blood youth that Âi'Sai-fah told about?”
Thud
“There is nothing between me and him.”
“Sure? Your face does not look like someone with nothing.” Payu, the architecture young man whose hobby is modifying cars (one wonders why he bothers studying building structures), says simply before wiping his hands, stained with engine oil, on a rag hanging nearby. He turns back to make full eye contact with his friend from a different faculty.
“Also, Phîi Pakin told me that you said you were romantic partners with that youth.”
“I just..." Oat goes silent for a moment, then says with a strong voice, “did not want Phîi Pakin to get involved with him. Anyway, he is my junior.”
“Sure it's just a junior... if he's just a junior, would he be sitting here looking worried or not, Wá?” The person falls silent immediately, looking at his friend's face who can read him, and wants to rub his head hard. He feels it was a mistake to be here for Âi'Payu to analyze his behavior.
Âi'Sai-fah has been his close, die-hard friend since their first year of study. He might know what he thinks, but he will not press. Unlike his twin... Âi'Payu, the person who looks exactly like his twin in every way, except for.... the gaze.
Âi'Payu is much more ruthless than his twin. That is probably the reason he is closer to Phîi Pakin than his twin.
“Heh-heh, it's not often that I hear the word 'don't know' from your mouth.” Payu says amusedly before leading him into the office where his twin is lying sprawled out. He says as he walks,
“But if you are not interested in that half-blood, Phîi Pakin told me he wants to take over. He says he has a soft spot for him.”
“And then discard him.” Oat interrupts displeased. Suddenly, he sees an image of the red-headed youth lying under Pakin's body, until his two hands clench into tight fists, making the person leading glance back, then continues nonchalantly.
“Who knows, Phîi Pakin might be serious with him. Besides, he is not like anyone else. It's true I haven't talked to him much, but I think he's awesome, Wá. His manner is not like an ordinary first-year. It's like he has been through a lot. Perhaps even more than you or me. Therefore, I think you do not need to worry about him one bit."
Let-me-die, why am I so irritated to this extent, Wá?
Oat swears in his heart. Even though he knows his friend is right, he is not pleased with this thought at all. He tries to tell himself that the reason he is so irritated is because he does not want him to get involved with dangerous people, not because he and he slept together.
“But anyway, I do not agree..."
“By telling everyone that he is your romantic partner... funny, Âi'Oat." Payu turns back to make eye contact with his friend who is about the same size, then stares into his eyes as if searching for the other's feelings.
“I ask seriously, what is he to you?” The question makes Oat speak with a heavy voice.
“It is not your business.”
“That's true.” Payu says with a laugh in his voice, but his knowing gaze makes the listener step ahead first.
“I will go find Âi'Sai-fah.” Having said that, he heads straight into the office section, making Payu laugh after him.
The laughter makes Oat irritated about the matter. He slams the door open to find the person who is leaning back playing a game on a tablet, making Sai-fah turn to look confusedly. Looking past, he sees his twin raising an eyebrow at him but not walking in.
“Did Phîi provoke your anger cycle?”
“Yes!” Oat retorts loudly, then slumps to sit as well. He does not feel like going home, does not want to go to sleep at the dorm. Honestly, right now he is so confused about his own feelings that he does not know what to do. Even though he told himself that this month-long semester break he would find the answer about what he thinks about Dear, how he feels about Âi'Shin, but going back and forth, more than a week has passed and he still cannot figure anything out.
And he even dreams about the day they slept together again!
Ding!
A soft alert sound makes Oat grab his phone to look, and he sees the name of the person he is thinking of sending something to him, making him open it to look.
A video clip.... It's not that he is sending a random sex clip with someone else, is he?
The irritated thought of the person who presses play immediately, making the sound of a comfortable guitar come out from the speaker.
Thud
Oat freezes immediately when he sees who is in front of him... Shin sitting playing guitar by the beach. His fingertips flicking the guitar strings produce a beautiful song sound for him to hear.
“What song are you listening to, Wá?"
"...” Sai-fah asks without looking up yet. But when he gets no answer, he shrugs, then walks out to find his twin, leaving his close friend staring at the screen without looking away, looking at the person who is sending a smile to.... him.
“If the person doesn't love, how to force, no matter how good you are, they cannot accept.
It's a matter of the heart, that must be known and the heart must be prepared.
But the person who loves, he continues to love, no matter how good you are, you do not care.
I know, I know it's still far, but I secretly think in my own favor..."
The deep voice that is not as low and raspy as his, but comfortable, is singing this song, making the listener already frozen stiff. He stares only at his face that seems to be into the song he is playing. There is no disturbing sound around, only the rhythmic sound of sea waves harmonizing with the guitar sound, creating an atmosphere that he cannot describe.
He only knows... he cannot look away anywhere.
The lyrics are light and comfortable, pleasant to hear, but their content is hitting the listener's heart until it shakes.
“I want you to look, look right here. Someone secretly loves you is right here.
Always secretly sending smiles, but you probably won't care.
I want you to look, look again. Someone secretly loves you is right here.
Just you turn around, I don't ask for anything more than this. 2
2 Song: I Don't Ask For Anything More Than This - Basket Band
Secretly love..... Is he really secretly loving him?
Oat can only think in his heart, while his two hands clench into tight fists, looking at the red-head's face that now has only orange light hitting it. The person who is smiling towards him, while emphasizing the voice that.... the person who secretly loves him is right here.
In his head, sentences slam into his heart so violently that the question he once asked him flashes in.
You do not love me... and now he is saying that... he loves.
Oat does not know what he is thinking to send this song to him. The song that he sings himself, plays himself, and the gaze that conveys some meaning, making the lump of flesh in his chest twitch.
Even though he says he does not ask for anything more than this... just to secretly love right here... but why does he feel that he wants an answer about whether he can stop loving someone else and turn to look at him? Even though he once thought that a person like Chonnon could never truly love anyone, just having fun day by day, but Oat instead knows that this time he is serious.
He is being serious with him. And what about him... what does he think about him?
“So enviable. Singing songs for each other.”
Snap
Oat startles intensely when the song ends, in a way he did not realize at all that someone had entered the room since when. And just turning to look behind, he clenches his fists tightly when he sees.... Pakin.... the person who is raising just a slight smile, looking at his phone screen until he has to put it away in his pocket.
“Heh-heh, don't worry. I won't get involved with someone who has an owner anymore." Pakin says simply, then adds immediately without waiting for the person in front to answer.
“But it's strange. Instead of sending a love song, he sends a secret love song to you."
“This matter does not involve Phîi!” Before he realizes it, Oat speaks out with a strong voice, making the listener freeze and narrow his eyes as if warning. But after a moment, he shrugs, then pats his shoulder heavily.
“It doesn't. But if you break up anytime, I'll take this youth... I just came to say hello. I came to find Âi'Payu and he said you were here.” The words make the listener feel displeased. His pair of sharp eyes intensifies, looking at the other party who steps out of the office section. His two hands clench into tight fists. He knows he is being foolish, but he is really angry at the other party.
Because I am stuck with the word 'responsibility' for you.
Oat lets his head lean back against the sofa backrest, closes his eyes, tries to stop the turmoil in his chest because the answer is becoming clearer every moment. In a way that he does not even know if it is an answer he is satisfied with or not.
“Shin, what kind of answer do you want from me?”
***
I thought I was gonna meet my Miia, so why the hell do I have to face their three Phîis lined up like this, Wá?
The moment Sun steps out of the airport arrival gate, hoping to see his romantic partner whom he has been apart from for almost two weeks, the R.L. family sisters are standing to receive him, making him break out in a cold sweat, face pale, mouth trembling. He did not think they would be this complete.
Even though he has never seen their faces before, seeing Phîi Rarin in rugged clothes standing with her arms crossed waiting, Sun knows... trouble has come.
“Hello, Khráp, Phîi.” The young man quickly raises his hands in a sweeping wai, looking at the other two women who are less manly than the eldest senior... Phîi Rerai, the second Phîi. She is very beautiful, can be called a true northern young woman. A little mouth, a bit of a nose, jet-black hair long to the middle of her back. But the bulging abdomen indicates that she is pregnant.
Next, if he remembers correctly, is Lanta. She can be called halfway between the eldest and the second Phîi. Not too manly or too sweet, giving an atmosphere more similar to a female version of Phîi Ryu.
“Nông Sun, right? Phîi has heard Ryu talk about you.” Rerai says with a sweet smile, looking at the handsome young man she was already surprised about when she found out her Nông had a male romantic partner. But it is not too unexpected, since the only Nông grew up amidst all the women in this house.
“Uh, did Phîi Ryu talk about me, Khráp?”
“Yes. He said emphatically that we must not bully Nông Sun. But just as Nông Sun arrives here, Phîi Rarin has already attacked heavily... She seems to be worried about us.”
Ah, I want to grin proudly, but why does Phîi look at me with a strange expression, Wá?
“Uh, and did it work, Khráp?”
“Let me bully you to my heart's content first, then we'll talk.”
Are all women who have Nôngs demons, Wá?
Sun can only think in his heart, but when comparing the three sisters to that Dream... this is child's play. He already has ultimate demon immunity.
“Uh, and what about Phîi Ryu, Khráp?"
“I told him to wait at home. Why would he come to pick you up and make it more crowded?”
You are clearly bullying me.
Sun grins widely, acting as if there is no problem, when Rarin interrupts, and also waves her hand as if to say 'follow me', so they can finally go back. At the moment Lanta turns to give a playful smile and stuffs something into his hand.
“For motion sickness.”
After hearing that, he can only turn to look at the giver in shock, feeling that hell is visiting him right now.
Don't tell me.....
Aggghhh! Can you take me on a roller coaster ten times instead!!!
Nǎai Athit, who feels that karma is retaliating for bullying Phîi Ryu all semester, is screaming in his heart, not afraid of Âi'Dear calling him a sissy, because right now he is holding onto the door tightly, face pale, mouth trembling, looking at Rarin who is driving a large car up the mountain. There are also sharp curves climbing cliff edges, and the ground is not always smooth and straight. He cannot help but wonder how Phîi Rerai did not miscarry, Wá!
“Do you like going up the mountain, you skillful one? The weather is nice, right?”
She even looks down and talks with a straight face!
“Âi'guy in the back, are you okay?”
"Wá... I'm okay, Khráp."
I'm going to vomit. If I can't handle it, I must handle it, Wá. Chant it, Âi'Sun. I will get back at Phîi Ryu. I will get back at Phîi Ryu.
The thought of the person who, by the time the large car turns into the area with a large sign attached saying it is a cold-climate flower farm, almost makes his knees give way. So when the sisters get out of the car, this Âi'Sun holds onto the car door tightly, feeling as if he has visited hell three full rounds.
“Âi'Sun!!!"
The sound of my heaven.
Sun does not even have the strength to look up. He can only slump to sit on the ground, hugging his own bag in a completely exhausted state. He only hears the sound of Phîi Ryu calling and running to find him. Then he turns to complain at all three senior sisters.
“Did you bring Âi'Sun via the back route? Why didn't you bring him via the city side, Wá!!!"
So I am really being bullied, right.
Thwack
“Hey, are you okay or not?”
“Okay, I... am okay...” Ryu quickly supports the person whose face is pale and almost bloodless up from the ground, then turns to look at the three senior sisters who act oblivious. Even though there are many routes up here, looking at Sun's condition, it is clear which route they took. Moreover, why would they bring him up here anyway? They have a house in the city.
“Okay, damned-animal, what! Your face has no blood color..." Ryu says to the person who boasts about being capable "...and you, Phîi, are the same. Why did you go pick him up without telling him? He woke up and Mâe said to come up to the farm. Like this, you are bullying Âi'Sun, right?”
“That's right. Did you sisters ever say a word that you weren't bullying?”
Got it. You bully me a lot, right?
The thought of the person who now knows he has been played, because Sun immediately buries his face in Ryu's shoulder, acting as if he is about to die, begging fully until Ryu does not realize that he is putting his arms around his waist. He can only turn to give an annoyed look the other way.
“Alright, alright, let's stop talking here. Mâe is waiting. You can take him into the house now." Then Rarin is the one who cuts it short, and also leads the way into the house, making the bullied person exhausted (well, genuinely exhausted about 70%) stiffen. Ah, understand, Khráp? If all three senior sisters are like this, then Phîi Ryu's Mâe... isn't she heavier than this or what, Wá?
“I told you not to come. So why did you come?” Ryu turns to attack the person who is burying his head on his shoulder instead immediately, making Sun look up and make begging eyes (which look more pitiful since the blood color has not returned to his face).
“Well, I missed Phîi Ryu, that's all.... Seriously, Khráp. I am serious about Phîi too.” The answer makes the listener's face redden a bit more, looking at the opportunistic person who is leaning in towards him.
Wham!
“Are your eyes just for decoration on your face or what, Wá! Do you see or not that there are paired eyes looking at us!!!”
Hmph, who is looking, Wá?
The person who wants to get moral support from the other party looks around when his head is slapped wham loudly, and finds that he is in front of a large wooden house, like in those period dramas. The surrounding house is full of various species of flowers. Looking a bit further, he sees a flower farm of many kinds as far as the eye can see. Moreover.... there are just as many workers.
“Phîi Ryu, are you rich, Wá?” Well, don't call me dim-wit. He has heard Phîi Boem call Phîi Ryu's Mâe jokingly as Khun Ying Mâe. The other party also said he has a small flower farm in Chiang Mai. But this.... it is not small to me.
“Why? Are you going to break up with me if I am rich or poor?”
“Hey, no! I didn't think that at all, Phîi! Just.... will your Mâe accept me, Wá?”
Not to mention the fact that he is a full-fledged man, not a cute young woman, but he had to come and love a young master of a flower farm like this. He sees an obstacle the size of a buffalo stuck on Phîi Ryu's face.
“Giving up? If you give up, then go back to Bangkok. I don't care if you turn your back and leave.” Ryu cannot deny that he is happy that he came to find him here. And when he acts like he is about to give up, he cannot help but feel disappointed.
Thwack
“What matter? Having a Miia who is the owner of a farm. I am not dim-witted enough to go back.”
“Âi...” Ryu can only shut his mouth when he looks into the other's eyes that reflect seriousness. Even though his mouth says he won't break up because he knows his house has a business, he feels that he is really serious. And not to mention...
“Hey!!!” Ryu even stands gaping when his youthful romantic partner lifts his hand to kiss it lightly, and even grins cheekily, making his arm hairs stand up, his face deeply red, since he does not care at all how he expresses himself with him. He lifts his leg to kick wham at the back of his knee, then walks quickly into the house first, not without leaving a final remark.
“Âi'shit-lizard!!!"
Yes, must be manly and sharp-tongued like this, my Miia.
The psychopath can only tell himself, then scatters a smile as a vanguard to the many people who are looking, even though in his heart he is crying.
I might not survive to return to you guys, my Sailor Moon partners.
***
Sometimes I might be the hero of some drama facing the ruthless matriarch who is ready to attack a person who has only himself, no money bags or money bins, if it weren't for...
“Is it Sun? Ryu has told me many stories about you. You are in the same faculty, right? No wonder. Your face is clean-cut like the heroes I like. Tall, long, good knees. Ryu has an eye, this child. If he is going to find someone, he must find one like this, right, Lanta...”
Wait, is my Mâe-in-law being chill or what, Wá?
Sun can only think confusedly when, just stepping into the house, he sees a woman who is different from in distant dramas by wearing comfortable long jeans and a screen-printed shirt with the name of this farm. And the one who used to have to sit kneeling on the floor is invited to sit on a nice sofa. There is serving of water and snacks, smiling as if he is just Phîi Ryu's friend visiting the house.
But I heard that I am coming as a romantic partner... Khráp.
“Uh, wait a minute, Khráp... uh... Mâe, are you not scolding me at all, Khráp?" Sun can only object with a stammering voice.
Turning to look at Phîi Ryu's face, he finds that he has turned away to look out the window. When he turns to look at the other senior sisters, he sees each of them sighing.
“Why would I scold you? What did Sun do wrong?”
Uh, fucking your son, does that count as a fault, Khráp?
The thought that he would never say out loud, besides scattering a smile as a vanguard, speaking bravely but fearfully, as Phîi Ryu's senior sisters might not have told everything.
“Well... I am not just a friend of Ryu, Khráp. Like... a romantic partner.... uh... a male...” Sun is trying to be roundabout, but it does not seem to diminish the smile from the other party one bit, until Ryu's Mâe laughs.
“Okay, I understand. You are worried that I will obstruct because we are both males, right?”
Nod nod.
He nods his head almost off, and that makes the person looking raise a gentle smile, looks at all four children, then laughs softly.
“Honestly, I am not so modern-minded that I can accept this matter 100 percent. But I also do not want to forbid it, if that is my child's happiness... Like Rerai is the same. Will you believe it? This person was almost worried to death when she fell in love with the head worker at the farm. She thought I would not be pleased. But then what? My son-in-law is a good person, can make Rerai happy. So I will ask Sun if you think you are good enough to be with Ryu or not... 'Good enough' for me means being a good person, thinking well, doing good, not thinking ill of others. Then I am satisfied."
The words of the adult who looks at the young man in front of her with a smile. She might think these two are too young, but she has never forgotten that in her youth, when she was in love with the Phôo of these children, she was about the same age as her youngest son.
Love cannot be forbidden.
.....Love is like a young stallion.3
Being energetic, if confined,
It will leap out of the stall,
Unwilling to stay in the place of confinement...
No matter how much time passes, she understands its meaning well. Whether it is the love of man and woman, man and man, or any gender, when in love, if restrained, it will only break away. These two children have done nothing wrong. If they love each other, then she understands. But if in the future they must part ways, she understands that as well.
“From what I see, I also think Sun is a good person. Ryu has told me that Sun is the person who took care of Ryu when he was sick. And Sun even dared to come here. I think that is enough for me to accept for now. As for the future, that is a matter for the future. Do not worry. I will not think too much if Ryu will not have grandchildren for me. Rerai will have about three children. This house already has someone to take over.” The Mâe says with a gentle smile, looking at the person who has fallen silent, stunned.
Sun admits he is stunned. But importantly, he respects the kindness of the adult in front of him.
How many people would accept what is happening like this?
Whoosh
“Hey, Âi'Sun!!!” Ryu even widens his eyes when suddenly the annoying fucker moves down from the sofa and kneels down in front of his Mâe. Moreover... he even bends down to bow at her feet.
“Thank you, Khráp, Mâe. Thank you for understanding.” Sun looks up and tells the adult in front of him. Even though he always acts playful, he has been very worried about this trip to Chiang Mai, until he tried to distract himself with other matters.
3 From the story Mathana Phatha
One thing, encountering something like this makes him relieved of all his worries. Moreover, he also feels he does not want to let go of Ryu's hand... does not want this kitten to belong to someone else.
“I love Phîi Ryu, Khráp. You might not believe me because I am still young, but I will make you see that I truly love Phîi Ryu.”
Thud
Ryu freezes immediately. His heart beats strongly with the word 'love' that he has never spoken out loud. He might say he likes him almost to death, but he has never said he loves. And now he is saying it in front of his Mâe, his seniors, his family, until his pair of sharp eyes can only look at him, then lower his eyes.
Whoosh
“Ryu, let's go sleep, Ná, Khráp, Mâe.”
Wham wham wham
Bang!
“He seems embarrassed.” The Mâe turns to say amusedly when her youngest son runs up to his room immediately. And that makes Sun start to worry a little.
Is he angry at me or what, Wá?
“So you do love my child.”
“Yes, Khráp.” Sun accepts the words immediately, and that makes the listener laugh, then whispers softly as if it is a secret.
“You know, actually the reason I don't think too much about Ryu finding a son-in-law instead of a daughter-in-law is because actually, I see Ryu as the youngest daughter."
Until he grew up. “Hmm.” When this topic is mentioned, Lanta continues amusedly with the story that has been told since childhood.
“Actually, when pregnant with Ryu, Mâe thought she would get a daughter. She had a name ready to receive, 'Laila'. It would have become Rarin, Rerai, Lanta, and Laila. But he came out as a male. She didn't have time to think of a name. Looking left and right, so Mâe took it from the board on the hospital wall, right?”
“His Phôo saw it just in time, so let it be Ryu. That's why you are the only one with the initial L.,” the eldest says amusedly before turning to tell her prospective son-in-law.
“So I couldn't help but think of him as a daughter. Moreover, growing up with three female siblings, I have been worried since he was young whether he would be manly or not. Having Sun as a romantic partner is not too unexpected.” The words make Sun stand gaping, looking at the four women who are amused by the story of when Ryu was young.
So you raised him to be someone's Miia from the start, right? Laila. Aww, cute, Wá.
“Oh, but don't think that just because Mâe and we have accepted, that I will accept the fact that you used force on my Nông.” And here it comes. Rarin speaks with a stricter voice, making Sun, who is still sitting at the feet of the Mâe of all the young women, immediately raise his hands to massage the adult's legs, and also make a pitiful face, but instead gets the answer that...
“Begging Mâe won't help you, child. Think of it as wanting to get a heavenly flower, you must pass many levels, child. Yeah, Lanta, drive Mâe to the city... Anyway, good luck, Sun.”
This matter, the adult will not get involved, because it has been silently agreed that this time the three sisters will bully the Bangkok youth a bit. Leaving Sun standing gaping, looking into the eyes of the many women present here, and telling himself.
I am really lucky, that in the end I got a Miia who is male. I am truly afraid of women, Wá. But now... how do I survive, Wá!
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