Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
“Hey, Sun, are you going to the club room today?”
“No, I am too lazy,” Sun replied.
“Sun, do you want to grab drinks with the seniors? Same place, junior.”
“No, I am not in the mood,” Sun said.
“Sun, you said you would introduce me to a management youth, then went silent.”
“Take their number and talk to them yourself,” Sun told him.
“Sun, lend me your bike for a moment. I need to grab something at the university gate.”
Nai Chonnon, eating snacks while using his laptop, paused everything. He looked up at Sun, the Faculty Moon known across the university. It was not surprising—seniors, peers, men, women, from every faculty—constantly greeted him. Sun was extremely friendly, chatting with everyone. But today, he sat, elbow propped, poking at his phone, looking bored.
Sigh.
Another one, heaving sighs, releasing carbon for the trees to process.
Chonnon, half-Thai, squinted slightly, watching Dear, who had taken his phone to play games. Dear sighed heavily, as if carrying a heavy burden, oblivious to Sun’s unusual demeanor—his head slumped on the table.
Well, it is not my problem, Chonnon thought.
Shin shrugged, a chocolate-coated wafer in his mouth, hands on the keyboard, texting someone in Japan.
“Shin-jang,” Sun mumbled from his slump.
“Hm? What is it?” Shin replied, pushing the wafer into his mouth with his tongue, eyes fixed on new products a friend sent from Japan.
Should I order? Thailand has nothing I want…
“I am asking seriously, are you bisexual?” Sun asked.
Whoosh.
“What did you say, Sun? Shin-jang is what?” Dear, the sighing youth with a sad puppy dog face, whipped around, wide-eyed, staring at Shin in shock.
Shin, the redhead, snapped his head up, locking eyes with Sun. As expected, someone like Shin answered directly.
“No, I am gay,” Shin said.
“What!” Dear’s eyes widened, scanning Shin from head to toe. Shin tapped a quick message to his friend, then met Dear’s gaping stare, deadpan.
“Yes, I am the real and original deal, not like you guys just starting to like men,” Shin said, not hiding anything.
This made Dear’s eyes widen further, as if he forgot his earlier concerns. He turned to Sun, words tumbling out.
“Hey, Sun, did you know? Why did I not know…”
“Does knowing if I am gay or not change whether you will still be my friend?” Shin asked.
Gulp.
Dear, the short, pale-faced, red-lipped youth, looked crestfallen, speaking softly. “Of course we are friends, no matter what you are.”
“Well, that settles it, then. You do not need to know my sexual preferences. If you are not disgusted, we are equal,” Shin said simply. Dear looked even more upset, as if fearing Shin took his shocked reaction the wrong way.
“Hey, I am not disgusted…”
“Alright, enough. I am not angry at you. Stop explaining. I am too lazy to listen. Why did you ask, Sun?” Shin shook his head, signaling to stop, then turned to Sun, who seemed to already know. Sun lightly slapped the table, sat up straight, took a deep breath, and stared at Shin intensely, as if it were a serious matter.
“Shin-jang…” Sun began.
“What is with you?” Shin asked, noting Sun’s grim expression, so unlike his usual demeanor. Dear grew anxious, thinking, Why is he acting like they are about to fight?
“You…” Sun gritted his teeth, glaring at the redhead.
Whoosh.
“Hey, calm down!” Dear grabbed Sun’s shoulder as he shot up, worried they would actually fight.
Did Shin secretly hit on Phîi Ryu behind his back? Why is he so intense?
Grab.
“You! You have to help me, Shin-jang! I am going to die here!” Sun seized Shin’s hands, yelling loudly enough for other students to turn and stare. Sun leaned closer to the redhead, drawing even more attention.
“Help me! My little guy is wilting!” Sun exclaimed.
Oh no, my friends are going to hook up! Dear thought, jaw dropping, watching the two attractive youths clutching hands, looking like a shipper’s dream. He wanted to snap a photo for the two Moons, but Shin, unfazed, spoke deadpan.
“Go find someone else. I am tops only. I cannot help you,” Shin said.
Is this half-breed crazy? Yell, man! Sun is asking to dig your gold! Dear thought.
“No, you are the one who can help!” Sun insisted, his pleading face almost deserving a kick. Shin tilted his head slightly.
“Read my lips: I am tops. I am tops, friend. I am the king, got it?” Shin said.
“Yes, I know you are tops, that is why I am saying you can help!”
Their exchange made Dear want to hide under a bucket. At least they were not shouting as before, but the odd looks from faculty peers screamed, I am embarrassed for you.
Go top and bottom somewhere else! Do you not realize you have four more years here? Dear thought.
“Do you want to try something new?” Shin raised an eyebrow, nearly making Dear facepalm.
“The first time hurts, I am warning you. And if you get hooked, you cannot go back,” Shin said.
“I know it hurts, that is why I am asking for your help. I am not going back either; I am hooked,” Sun replied shamelessly. Dear, his closest friend, felt Sun must have snorted flea powder somewhere. He tugged Sun’s shirt, asking hesitantly.
“Hey… so… like…” Dear was terrified of hurting Sun’s feelings. “…Did Phîi Ryu already, uh, do you? And you liked it?”
“What!” Sun yelled, glancing between Dear and Shin twice, face twisting in disbelief, then leaning closer. Dear, loving his friend but inching away, braced himself.
“I am not asking you to pave the way, you idiot! I am asking you to teach me how to break through!” Sun snapped.
Whack!
“Ow! Why did you smack my head, Dear?” Sun asked.
“You made me think that! I was freaking out!” Dear retorted.
“Why? Suddenly regretting missing out on me, Nong Dear? I mean, with my’s big, bulging package, it is only natural,” Sun teased.
Crash!
Not just a swat—Dear kicked the loudmouth with full force, making him yelp. Dear smirked, eyeing Sun’s “bulging package” mockingly. “Kindergarteners are bigger than you.”
“Ha!” Shin roared with laughter, while the “kindergartener” pointed at Dear as if to say, You are done, pal. Dear basked in his rare victory.
“If I am kindergarten, you are fresh out the womb,” Sun shot back, words floating on the breeze.
Before Dear could retort, Sun turned to Shin, who stayed quiet but had a look Dear could not ignore: I am the most confident here.
“Shin-jang, I am serious. Help me. With all the people chasing you, I know you have experience. What do I do with someone who will not let me in?” Sun’s plea made Dear lean in, gossip mode activated.
“Are you saying you have not gotten Phîi Ryu yet? Weak,” Dear said.
“My Phîi Ryu is not as easy as you,” Sun snapped.
Gulp.
Dear gritted his teeth silently, unable to respond. Sun started spilling his relationship woes, as if Shin were an agony aunt.
“I have tried, but Phîi Ryu keeps saying no, scared or whatever. I am dying here, but one tear and I am done for,” Sun said.
“Have you asked him straight-up what he is scared of? Maybe he thinks you are clueless,” Shin suggested.
“Hey, I have never been with a man, but I know my stuff! If it is not the full deal, I am fine, but you get it, right? With your romantic partner, just fooling around outside is not enough. I am saying it—I want it,” Sun confessed.
The two dove into shameless talk, making Dear’s face burn. He wanted to bolt but was too curious. When it is go-time, you cannot hold back. Phîi Porsche can do anything… I am game, but the first time hurt like hell, Dear thought.
“Honestly, in the heat of it, pain is the last thing on your mind. Has your Phîi Ryu been with anyone before? A bad first time, and they will not be eager for round two,” Shin said knowingly. Sun’s face darkened, repeating.
“Been with someone… Phîi Ryu?” Sun asked.
“Maybe. You said your Phîi Ryu is drop-dead gorgeous. He could have dated men, been with someone, or been forced. I do not know, but if he is that scared after multiple tries, there must be some baggage,” Shin said.
Dear wanted to nudge Shin: Do you see Sun’s face? He is freaking out. Mentioning Ryu’s possible bad history with men made it worse.
“Or maybe he rejects every man who hits on him because… he has been through something?” Sun muttered.
Have you ever read a comic where the vibe gets dark and spirits float around? That is Sun right now, Dear thought, nothing like his usual sly self.
Shin patted Sun’s shoulder. “Just a guess. Ask your romantic partner. But if you want advice…” Shin leaned to his personal computer, typed quickly, and turned the screen to Sun, whose shoulders slumped.
“This can help,” Shin said.
“What… lubricant gel?” Dear leaned in, face and neck flushed, not wanting to admit that, even at eighteen, he only knew the basics of this stuff.
“Yes, or this,” Shin continued, rummaging through his bag. Soon, he placed a box on the table. Dear grabbed it instantly, glancing around nervously.
“Are you crazy? Why are you pulling out condoms?” Dear asked.
“Well, condoms, but for specific purposes…” Shin explained, as Sun, still slumped, looked on with interest, snatching the box from Dear to inspect it. Shin began a special tutorial session, making Dear clutch his temples.
Do you guys ever feel embarrassed? This is the middle of the university! Dear thought.
But if asked whether he listened… Yes, I heard every word.
***
“Ryu…”
“Ryu, darling.”
“Ryu!” Phim shouted.
Gasp!
“What is wrong with you, Phim? Why are you yelling in my ear?” Ryu, who had been daydreaming, shouted back.
His sole close female friend covered her ears and called his name loudly. When he turned, he met her overly sweet smile as she slid her laptop toward him.
“I should be asking you. I called you who knows how many times. Are we doing this report or not? If not, save it for the last week—you are already so lazy,” the young woman said casually, making Ryu sigh heavily again and take the laptop to look.
“I will do it. If I do not, you will just scold me again,” Ryu said.
“Then stop daydreaming. What is it? Did you fight with your romantic partner?” Phim teased.
Gulp.
“I do not have a romantic partner!” Ryu shouted, jumping up, startling Phim, who gave a dry smile, gestured an apology, and spoke softly.
“Whoa, okay, no romantic partner, got it, Ryu. Sit down. I saw you looking like you were swallowing misery, so I was just teasing. But someone like you does not have a romantic partner, right? Everyone who hits on you is just men, and your friend Phim is so masculine…” She placated him, calming Ryu slightly. He nodded vigorously.
Yes, I am so masculine. Why should I give in to you? Ryu thought.
“But, Ryu, you need to calm down a bit. I cannot imagine what it would be like if you had a romantic partner. All I can think is they would have to pamper you a lot. You probably would not bother pampering anyone,” Phim continued.
“I can pamper people too,” Ryu said.
“How so?” Phim asked.
Ryu fell silent, making his close friend laugh brightly. Did I make a mistake pairing up with Phim for this? If I paired with Nut, I would be doing the report alone anyway. That guy spends all day at the bar! Ryu thought.
“Ryu, you need to calm down a lot. If someone cares for us, we have to care for them too. If you keep being so selfish, believe me, no one will put up with you,” Phim said.
“Phim…” Ryu started.
“Yes?” Phim replied.
Buzz.
“Are you really my friend?” Ryu asked, annoyed, thinking of the person he was dating and the recent incident.
Since that day… Sun has not called to be an annoying fucker at all, Ryu thought.
“Of course, because we are friends, I am warning you straigh-upt. If you keep being so selfish, what man—oh, I mean, what woman—could stand you?” Phim teased again, expecting Ryu to yell or get angry, but he sat still, stunned.
“No one could stand me?” Ryu asked.
“Uh, yeah,” Phim nodded casually, making Ryu pause for a moment.
Whoosh.
“Let us do it tomorrow. I remembered I have something to do. I am leaving,” Ryu said, grabbing his bag and running off in another direction. Phim, left behind, opened her mouth to protest but remembered.
“Ryu! Your car is parked that way, not this way!” she shouted.
If Ryu turned back, he would likely say, Yeah, I am not going back to my room. I have to find the person I am scared will not put up with me!
Maybe Phîi Ryu has been through something before… no way, not knowing how to do it. But… if he was…
“Shit-lizard! I cannot figure it out!” Sun, having just parted with his friends, suddenly crouched on the ground, yelling loudly, hands ruffling his hair fiercely, ignoring onlookers. His mind was consumed with two thoughts: I want Phîi Ryu, and why will Phîi Ryu not let me have him?
His distressed appearance, ruffling his hair, made someone approaching pause, unsure how to approach. Ryu realized he had never greeted Sun kindly, not once.
Fine, let us do this! Ryu thought.
“Hey, Sun… uh, Sun,” Ryu called.
Whoosh.
Ryu nearly flinched when the other person looked up with messy, frazzled hair, as if to say, Who is calling me? But when Sun saw him, he sprang up quickly, moving to rush toward Ryu, who almost raised a leg to block, his body’s reflex kicking in: Sun getting close means I need to defend myself.
Gulp.
“Sorry, my hands moved too fast,” Sun said, pulling back to ruffle his own hair vigorously, muttering to himself before meeting Ryu’s eyes.
“Do you have something to say to me, Phîi Ryu?” Sun asked.
Why do I need a reason to see my own romantic partner? Ryu thought.
Gulp.
What are you thinking, Ryu? He scolded himself.
The stubborn youth, claiming not to care about the one before him, froze with his own thoughts. A wave of inexplicable resentment surged in his heart. He expected Sun to tease, saying something like, You missed me, right? or some self-aggrandizing remark, not… Do you have something to say?
“Uh, well… that night…” Ryu bit his teeth, speaking so softly it was barely audible, wanting to say, I am sorry about that night. Are you mad at me? But the words would not come, swallowed back into his throat.
Seeing Sun’s puzzled look, Ryu shook his head.
“No… nothing. I just passed by and saw you looking like you escaped from a red-roof. Just came to say hi,” Ryu said, wanting to slap himself. He admitted he felt awkward when Sun listened quietly, not flashing his usual crazy grin.
“Well… I have some things on my mind,” Sun said.
“What things?” Ryu blurted, cursing his quick mouth. Before he could retract with I do not want to know, Sun spoke earnestly.
“About you, Phîi Ryu… I am thinking about you,” Sun said.
Sun’s serious expression and gaze made Ryu uneasy. He could not scold as usual, nor dare ask, fearing it was about that night when he refused Sun.
“I… I am going back to my room,” Ryu said.
Stop me, you idiot. Say you will follow me to my room! Ryu thought.
But in truth, Sun did not hold him back. Ryu felt a pang of disappointment, wanting to yell, Just because I did not give in that night, are you this mad? Did you say you liked me just for that? But he could not speak, only taking long strides, eager to return to his room.
You are really mad at me, Ryu thought.
Step, step, step.
Whoosh.
“Phîi Ryu, uh… want to grab dinner? I will treat… please,” Sun said, suddenly darting in front of him. His face was not great, but his pleading tone would normally make Ryu snap, No way! But now, Ryu just met his eyes and nodded slowly.
“Sure, let us go,” Ryu said.
Sun was surprised by Ryu’s easy agreement but grabbed his arm and led him along, thinking firmly to himself, I have to find out if my little cat was ever forced by some shit-lizard!
In the early evening, the restaurants near the university buzzed with students, creating a lively atmosphere. Bars began setting up tables and chairs outside. But in one typically noisy restaurant, two people sitting across from each other were… silent as a graveyard.
Ryu glanced briefly at the junior in front of him. Seeing Sun staring intensely, he flinched and looked away.
Do not be so quiet, you shit-lizard Sun. It is not like you, Ryu thought.
Meanwhile, Sun was telling himself, How do I ask without making Phîi Ryu worry? Damn it, I thought I was Phîi Ryu’s first man, like he is mine!
Both were lost in their thoughts until Ryu, arms crossed, could not stand it anymore. He took a deep breath and spoke first.
“What is wrong with you, staring at my face?” Ryu asked. Sun paused, then sighed heavily, making Ryu feel a bit uneasy.
“I have a question,” Sun said.
“Wh-what about?” Ryu swore he had never felt this anxious in his life. Honestly, being forced by Sun the first time did not make his heart race like this. Now, he was scared—scared Sun was angry.
The handsome Faculty Moon took a deep breath and decided.
“About what you have been through…” Sun began.
“Stir-fried morning glory with crispy pork and rice, plus an omelet, here you go!” Ryu almost sighed in relief as the aunt who owned the restaurant placed his plate on the table. Unlike Sun, who wanted to glare at her.
Damn it, I was just building up to it! Sun thought.
Scrape.
Ryu jumped when Sun dragged his chair to sit beside him, almost yelling, Get away from my feet! But he stopped because…
“Why will you not do anything with me?” Sun asked.
Ryu froze in shock, but Sun stayed serious. Sitting in the restaurant’s innermost corner, he placed a hand on Ryu’s thigh, squeezing lightly before whispering close to his ear again.
“Why do you reject me so much? Do you have a reason?” Sun asked.
“I… I mean…” Ryu bit his lip hard, cheeks flushing red, then paling. His hands, gripping his chopsticks, trembled. He could not believe Sun would ask so directly, and here, in a restaurant with no privacy!
“Go on,” Sun urged, leaning closer, making Ryu push his face away.
“Ryu,” Sun said softly, holding Ryu’s hand, his voice gentle, forcing Ryu to grit his teeth and respond.
“Why… if I do not give in, will you break up with me? You are despicable, thinking only of filthy things!” Ryu said, as someone who never admits fault, blaming others first. This made Sun sigh before speaking heavily.
“Is it wrong for me to think those things about the person I like?” Sun asked.
Gulp.
Once again, Ryu was speechless, turning to meet the eyes of someone speaking so earnestly, unlike his usual demeanor. His hand pushing Sun’s face trembled slightly as Sun, taking advantage of his distraction, pressed his lips lightly to Ryu’s palm, making him jerk his hand back.
“Phîi Ryu… I like you so much I am going crazy,” Sun said. Why do you have to look at me like that? Ryu thought.
Clatter.
“Aunt, one plate of rice with minced pork omelet!”
“Hey, add a dry sukiyaki too, Aunt!”
“Juniors, four glasses of ice!”
Bang, bang.
“Shit-lizard! That is my chair, do not steal it!” a student shouted.
Ryu, about to say something, froze as a group of students entered with clattering plates, table slaps, and food orders. He wanted to ask Sun, You brought me here to ask this, in this place? But seeing Sun’s still-serious face, Ryu made a decision.
“Let us go to my room, Sun,” Ryu said.
Finally, Ryu spoke, making Sun look at him in disbelief. Normally, Ryu kicked, cursed, and chased him away, requiring every trick to get into his room. But now, he invited him. What would this Sunny say?
“Aunt, two plates of rice to go, please!” Sun called.
I am stressed, but opportunities like this do not come every day! Sun told himself, determined.
Today, I have to find out why Phîi Ryu is not fully charmed by me yet!
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