Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
In the restaurant, Purin could only stare at his close friend, who still smiled sweetly, speaking with full confidence, as if she knew all the feelings he'd been through, until he had to speak again.
"I'm confessing my love here, Dream."
"Yeah, that's right. But it took you long enough to say it. You're so damn tight-lipped," Dream said with a sweet smile, grabbing her glass of orange juice to sip again, making Purin, who found the young woman's demeanor oddly surprising, only sigh heavily.
"You knew?"
"Is there a damn thing Nai Darinphan doesn't know?" Dream said with full confidence, sipping the orange juice until the glass was empty, then making a slight frown at the taste she didn't quite like (but drank it all anyway), until Purin, who thought he knew the young woman's habits well, asked with a tired voice.
"Since when did you know?"
"Just a sec, Porsche... Excuse me, may I have a glass of water, Khrap? Thank you." Purin was also damn surprised at himself, wondering how he could love this young woman. Even when he was confessing his love, Dream could turn to order a drink from the staff with a straight face.
But maybe it was because of this that he loved her. Dream was never not herself. Whatever Darinphan was like, this young woman revealed everything to those close to her. Dream might be damn cunning, capable of anything to get what she wanted, but Dream also had many sides, and just getting to experience them, falling in love with this young woman wasn't a damn bit difficult.
"Okay, let's get to the point... How many years have we known each other?" Purin pulled his thoughts back as the young woman turned to look at him. However, she didn't continue from where they left off, but asked another question, which he agreed to answer.
"Twenty-five years."
"Same as our age, huh, Porsche... You were born two months before me. We've known each other as long as I've been alive," Dream said, smiling, leaning in a little closer, her eyes now clearly showing seriousness.
"Let me tell you something, Porsche. Sometimes... there might only be a damn thin line between love and attachment." No damn joke, Dream even used her hand to clearly draw a dividing line, then pointed back to her own left chest.
"For me... you are an attachment more damn lasting than love."
Thud.
Purin was silent for just a moment, staring at the damn beautiful face of the young woman in front of him, looking into the eyes of the person who was also telling him her feelings, as Dream pointed a finger to his chest and asked with a smile.
"And you... Am I love or attachment?" This question was what Purin was also asking himself, and he had the answer. It wasn't that he got the answer the second Dream asked. He had gotten the answer since last night, before seeing someone else kissed by another person. It was so damn clear that it was no surprise why now... he wasn't in pain.
"No need to answer me, because I already know," Dream continued with a boastful demeanor, making Purin break into a smile.
"Then what am I to you? A close friend? An older Phîi? Or just someone who pays when you want something?"
"Oho, the last one's damn spot on. But answering from my heart: all wrong... You're a twin," the young woman said, pretending to be hurt before bursting out laughing, then continuing in a good mood.
Even though one might ask why they were telling each other this now, Dream understood immediately. The day Porsche said he loved her meant this young man's heart was ready for someone else who wasn't his first love, wasn't the attachment he always thought was love. He was clearing himself for someone else.
"For me, you are a non-blood twin. Just looking into my eyes, you know my heart. Just you looking at my face, you know when I'm about to get pissed. That's why you are more than a friend, more than a Phîi, more than just someone who pays for things... What are you, anyway? Even if we don't love each other like romantic partners, I believe our bond will never break."
"Which novel did you read that from?"
"I can't remember the title. I only read half of it," Dream said playfully, making Purin laugh. He felt the most damn relaxed he'd been in years, until he couldn't help but ask.
"You knew for a long time. Why didn't you say a damn thing?"
"Seriously. If I told you and you realized you didn't love me like that, what would I find for leverage when I want someone to help?" The young woman said in a tone suggesting it was a dim-witted question. However, she paused for a moment before shrugging, willing to explain something Purin might know but needed a little guidance on.
"Everyone you dated said the same thing, right? That you always seem to have someone in your heart. Yeah, I know that person is me. But as I said, I've always known, Porsche, that you didn't love me in that way. Actually, I've been hinting at you for years. Remember the day I dated that Phîi when we were freshmen?"
"I remember."
"And what did you say to me?"
"Good luck. If he can tolerate your personality, you might last."
"Exactly. You cursed me like that," Dream said, snapping her fingers loudly, then propping her chin on her hand, in the best damn mood.
"Did it hurt back then?"
"No."
Because in my heart, I thought there was no way we would last anyway, Purin thought, deciding to keep the latter part to himself.
If he said it out loud, the young woman in a good mood would damn sure get pissed and stop talking to him. This answer made Dream smile, then ask another question that seemed to pierce right into Purin's heart.
"Then try looking at it the other way. If the person you're thinking about right now dated someone else... what would you do?"
Wham.
Just thinking about his little one dating the person who kissed him the other day, Purin's heart, which had felt a little lighter, suddenly felt damn hollow again. Replaced by an irritable feeling wanting to be vented by punching the face of whoever Dear would date. Both hands unconsciously clenched tightly, making Dream, observing his demeanor, smile slightly.
"Do every damn thing to make them break up."
"Exactly," Dream said, amused. Since she knew best that this calm, caring young man was actually damn competitive and possessive. If he really wanted something, he wouldn't let a damn thing slip away.
And it seemed this Q&A made Purin see something he hadn't seen all along. Perhaps the line between love and attachment was just a damn thin dividing line. And the person who made him truly realize it wasn't Dream, but... Dear.
The little one who made him frantic just seeing him kiss someone else. He'd known since that night. And that was the reason why he moaned Dream's name when he was with Dear.
Because that night he knew. That's why he felt guilty toward the young woman in front of him, thinking his love for her had ended because someone else had entered the picture.
He called Dream's name only to say, Sorry... I'm sorry that this Nai Purin could never love you the same way again. And I'm sorry for loving the Nong of this young woman. But I only truly realized now that the love between me and Dream was just... an attachment. That's why I feel relieved. Relieved that I can finally love someone else fully.
Therefore, Purin said simply, "Last night... I was with Dear."
Snap.
This time, the Jae of the person named Dear turned sharply to look. Her wide eyes, similar to her Nong's, widened, but only for a moment, before Dream smiled widely, raised both hands, and clapped happily, making Purin, who had confessed, only furrow his brows deeply.
"Is my Nong good?"
"Dream!"
"Oh, don't shush me. Look at Âi Dear's face. Pale skin, big eyes. When he makes that pleading face, even a demoness like me would raise a white flag. And if he whimpers and begs you on the bed, face red, calling 'Phîi Porsche, Phîi Porsche,' I think he must be damn desirable." Words that made Purin only heave a big sigh.
Yeah, how could I have ever thought I loved this young woman?
"Don't talk about Dear like that..."
"Why?"
"I'm the only one who needs to know."
"So damn sentimental!" Dream said emphatically, though damn pleased with Purin, who said he wanted to keep the image of Nong Dear to himself.
Well, Porsche was smiling at the corner of his mouth, eyes sparkling. Didn't need to be told to know he must be thinking about last night, until she had to remark smugly.
"I knew it. How much longer did you think you could resist? Âi Dear's damn infatuated with his Phîi Porsche."
Thud.
"You knew?"
"I told you, Nai Darinphan knows every damn thing," Dream still gave the same answer, making Purin only sigh. He was outsmarted by his close friend now. It explained why Dream let Dear live with him, even though she loved and was protective of her Nong. But now there was something else he should tell.
"But..."
"Your water." But before Purin could speak, the female staff brought a glass of ice-cold water to Dream. She smiled at her and immediately took a sip.
"Go on."
"I called your name last night."
Thud.
Splash!!!
Purin said it heavily. Since he really did it, he should apologize both to the person whose name he said, and also since Dream was the Jae of his little one. But the moment he finished speaking, the ice-cold water was splashed full in his face, making him turn sharply to look at Dream, who was now standing up.
"What did you say!?!"
Dream's demeanor had changed completely.
Thud.
Dream slammed the water glass on the table, then leaned in with an expression as if she was about to scream any second. And Purin, who had dealt with Dream in every possible way, spoke again.
"I accidentally said your name..."
Smack!
Just saying that, a thin palm, but with no small force, smacked full on his cheek, making the whole restaurant turn to look. But neither Purin nor Dream cared, while Dream's face was red with anger.
If others heard the conversation, they might think Dream was embarrassed to have her name called like that in bed. But in reality, it wasn't that.
"Do you know how hurt Dear will be... Do you realize!?!" Dream shouted.
Yeah, Dream wasn't worried about herself. The person she was worried about was her Nong, who acted grown up but was really just her little one.
"Tch..."
Smack!
Before Purin could say anything, Dream slapped his handsome face again. Her eyes sparkled with anger.
"Do you know how long Dear has loved you?... Do you know he had to sneak into my room to use my Facebook to follow your news? Do you know how he ran around hiding to conceal from me how much he secretly loved you? Do you know he has photos of himself with you in his bedroom drawer? Do you know how much you've hurt my Nong? Do you know!?!" Dream demanded.
Throughout Dream's speech, it was like a whisper, but her tone clearly showed anger. Anger at Purin, who made her Nong shed tears.
She wouldn't have said a damn thing if Porsche had called out or moaned her name while with anyone else. But it must not be with Dear. Not with the Nong who by now must be crying his eyes out.
Purin's expression didn't change at all in response to the questions. He just wiped the water from his face, ignoring the red mark on his cheek. He just looked directly at Dream and said, "That's why I came to clear things up today. After finishing this, I will go find Dear."
"Then this matter is finished," Dream said heavily, as she let herself fall back onto the chair with a thud. Purin stood up instead, took out his wallet, pulled out several thousand-baht bills, and placed them on the table.
"If you play with Dear and then discard him, prepare to see bloody fucking hell on earth," Dream said seriously, taking the money for this meal plus damages for splashing water all over the table. Her beautiful face lifted, and Purin knew well this young woman could really do it.
And he only said, "Then I guess I will never see bloody fucking hell on earth."
Finished, Purin quickly walked out of the restaurant, leaving the whole restaurant confused as to why Dream, sitting at the table, was still smirking with a satisfied look.
From the heart of someone who has known Nai Purin Akramethakorn for twenty-five years, that look in his eyes... he will never let Âi Dear slip away.
"I helped you get a rich Phûa, Nong Dear. A little hurt probably won't matter," Dream muttered.
But to be sure her Nong wouldn't hurt for long, Dream grabbed her phone and sent one phone number to Purin, who had just left the restaurant.
I can only help this much. The rest, you have to help yourself. As for payback... let's wait until things are better first.
***
"If I didn't know you were a game pro, Dear, I'd have thought you were damn pathetic," Shin said.
Dear, zoning out in front of the game console, was startled out of his wits when Âi Shin walked up behind him without him knowing. Well, in the afternoon, Shin probably thought he had nothing to do, so he brought his whole game set and connected it in the bedroom. But it turned out Dear had the game on, huh? Just let it stand still and get killed by monsters. When it was over, he pressed to restart, then let himself get killed again.
"Hmm, I guess I'm damn pathetic," Dear muttered.
"Sigh. Not like you at all, damned shit-lizard Dear. Here, turn off the game. Go down and eat. Leaving it on just wastes electricity," Âi Shin said, walking over to turn off the console. But saying Dear had to go down for dinner was like killing him nicely.
Well, right now he didn't have the ability to put on an attractive face for Shin's parents to find endearing.
"It's okay. I'm not hungry. You go eat. Your parents are waiting, right?" Dear asked.
"My parents aren't home. Like I told you, my Obasan... Yeah, my grandma is sick. My Mâe flew to see her this month. She'll be back at the end of the month. Bpǎa had business and had to go too. So they all went. Leaving me, my Mâe's close friend, and two other young kids in the house," Âi Shin explained, walking over to drag Dear by the arm, making Dear, not hungry, reluctantly step out of the room, bringing the lunch tray from noon down with him.
"Then why didn't Auntie go back to Japan with them?" Dear asked, a question that made Âi Shin sigh heavily and whisper.
"She's afraid no one will take care of me."
Clear enough. Âi Shin's a true Khun-nŭu. Not just looks. It turns out, all the times I mentally criticized him for looking every bit the Khun-nŭu, he was just well-trained, huh? That's why everything about him is so damn perfect, Dear thought.
Buzz buzz.
"Just a sec," Shin said. The phone vibrating crisply in his pocket made Âi Shin grab it to look, saying a word, just as the front doorbell rang.
"Hey, go check the front door for me. Who is it, coming to get someone at this hour?" Shin asked.
Right. Who is it, coming to get someone at this hour? And you're damn crazy, huh? Making a guest go open the door for who knows who coming to get someone at this hour, Dear thought.
Mentally cursing Shin already, he placed the tray on the table but reluctantly floated over to open the house door for him, sighing heavily, thinking helplessly about what to do with himself next.
If I go find Âi Sun, he'd damn sure ask until he found out who did what to me. Staying here forever would inconvenience the host. Not to mention Jae Dream. If I don't go home, don't answer calls, sooner or later, Jae will have to know what happened.
Go out. "I'll think about it later. I'll think about it tomorrow," Dear told himself, opening the small gate.
"Looking for... Phîi Porsche!?!" Dear exclaimed.
"Found you at last," Purin said.
Slam!!!
Don't say I'm running away, but the moment I registered who was standing in front of Âi Shin's house, I slammed the garden gate shut again. But it got stuck because Purin used his shoulder to push against it. And with Phîi Porsche's strength compared to my tiny frame, how could I possibly win against the force? Dear thought.
"Dear, we need to talk," Purin said.
Not talking. Nothing to talk about. Not listening to any of it. No!!!! Dear thought.
Even though he tried to tell himself, the small gate was pushed open wide again anyway, along with Phîi Porsche grabbing his wrist and yanking him toward himself, making Dear frown a little. My heart wanted to ask, there are four other people in this house, why hasn't a single one poked their head out with all this noise?! Dear thought.
"Dear, Dear, why are you running from me?" Purin asked.
Thud.
Right. Why run? Why would I run from Phîi Porsche? Since anyway, he doesn't love me. However I run from him, he won't follow me, Dear thought.
The thought made Dear's eyes burn fiercely, but he still didn't stop struggling, even though Phîi Porsche had already grabbed hold of him. Both fists punched out wildly, Dear only knowing that right now he didn't want to see Phîi Porsche's face, didn't want to see the person who made him this sad.
"Dear, listen to me..." Purin pleaded.
"Let me go. Let me go, damn it!!" Dear shouted.
No. I don't want to see. I don't want to cry. Since Phîi's loving someone else, and that someone is my own Jae, Dear thought.
"No. I won't let go. We need to talk, little one," Purin insisted.
Don't call me 'little one'. Don't call or act like you feel something for me. I'm just a Nong... just the Nong of the person you love, Dear thought.
Smack.
The force of the punch swung up onto the chin of Purin, holding him tightly, making the tight embrace loosen unexpectedly. And that allowed Dear, much smaller, to wrench himself free from the grasp with a red, angry face, breathing heavily, and above all else...
"Dear..." Purin could only groan the name of the little one who was now crying streams of tears. His round eyes were swollen, bruised, and red from crying all day. Eyes that were looking at Purin with pain.
"Don't bother me... Hic..." Dear sobbed.
Damn these tears, why are you falling! Dear thought.
I wanted to scream out, but what came out of my mouth were only sobs and words saying, don't bother me anymore, don't make me hurt more than this, Dear thought.
The tears were making Purin feel as if an invisible hand was crushing the flesh in his chest. It hurt. It ached all over just seeing his little one crying like a young child.
"Dear, listen to me..." Purin tried again.
"I won't listen. Won't listen to a damn thing!!! I listened already. I know already. Phîi Porsche loves Jae Dream... Hic... Dream, Hic... Why, why isn't Phîi going to find Jae Dream? Why is Phîi looking for me!?!" Dear shouted. It was as if the last of his patience had snapped, making Dear, crying heavily, lift his head and yell loudly. His round eyes looked at the Phîi-next-door with finality.
Yeah. Phîi Porsche loves Jae Dream. He doesn't love me, Dear thought.
"I-If Phîi feels guilty... don't... Hic... don't pity me. I know..." Dear stammered.
"Dear doesn't know," Purin interrupted.
"What doesn't I know, Phîi Porsche? I don't know that Phîi loves Jae Dream? I don't know that Phîi sees me as just a substitute for Jae Dream? Or that Phîi had sex with me because he thought it was Jae Dream! I don't know anything? I know every damn thing already! Is my condition so damn pitiful for loving someone who loves my own Jae!?!" Dear shouted in Purin's face, even as tears were blinding his eyes, looking at Purin, who was making a pained expression at his words.
The one who is hurt is me, not you. Why do you, Phîi Porsche, have to make a face like I am hurting you too? Dear thought.
"Hic... Phîi Porsche... I beg you. I truly beg you... Don't bother me anymore... P-Please... take pity on this Nong... the person you see as a Nong..." Dear raised both hands in a wai to Purin, even as tears fell smack smack from both eyes, making Purin feel as if a hammer had hit him in the head.
Because of him. Because the name he let slip when he wasn't in his right mind was hurting this young man severely.
"Go find Jae Dream... Hic... go find Jae... tell Jae... how Phîi feels..." Dear pleaded.
Please. Don't bother me. I ask for time. Then I will go back to being Phîi Porsche's Nong as before, Dear thought.
Wham.
"I'm not going anywhere. Since my heart is right here!!!" Purin declared.
Thud.
Dear was stunned immediately, looking up at Purin, who grabbed his wrist and spoke with a firm voice. This young man who said his heart... was here.
Words that made Dear's unruly heart tremble... However, another voice flashed into his head again.
Dream, Khrap... Cream... Dear recalled.
"..."
Purin, who was about to pull his little one back into his embrace, could only freeze upon hearing the faint sound coming from Dear's mouth as he bowed his head, letting tears fall to the ground. And at that moment, Dear looked up again. His round eyes were full of reproach.
"Phîi... did you have a lot of fun playing with Âi Nong's feelings?" Dear asked.
Whoosh.
"Dear!!! Dear!!! Listen to me first! It's not what you think!" Purin shouted, stunned by the question coming from Dear's mouth. His heart stung sharply at the gaze of Dear, who was emphasizing to himself that Purin was a Phîi and he was just a Nong. He met the gaze of Dear, reiterating to himself, not just telling Purin.
A gaze that left Purin unprepared when Dear finished, shook off his hand, turned around, and ran into the house immediately, making Purin run after him.
"Dear, oh bloody fucking it! Listen to me first!" Purin yelled.
Whoosh.
"Beyond this point is off-limits, Khrap," Shin said.
"Move!" Purin said in a low voice when suddenly Shin walked up to block his path before he could run after Dear in time. Purin's sharp eyes clearly showed his anxiety and restlessness to follow Dear, who had run crying into the large house. But as he tried to step forward, Shin's tall figure blocked the way.
"Probably not, Khrap. I think my friend has cried enough," Shin said flatly, but his expression clearly indicated he wouldn't let Purin proceed further. And that made Purin take a deep breath, immediately realizing who the young man in front of him was.
It wasn't like he found where Dear was immediately after looking. He had to try calling Sun, and because his phone was off, he had to go wait for him in front of the dorm, hoping Dear was there. But he wasn't. It took a damn lot of time to track him down, begging Sun for help until Sun helped by calling other friends, even though he asked what happened.
And Purin's answer to Sun was just...
No matter what happens, I won't let Dear go!! Purin thought.
He didn't know if it was because of Dream's call emphasizing things, or because of his words, Âi Sun finally agreed to help. In the end, by the time he found out the little one had run to this friend's house, so much time had been lost that he was damn anxious, unable to do anything, could only wait, could only hurt in his heart wondering how much his little one was crying. But now it turned out he couldn't talk to Dear anymore.
"Let me go in," Purin said calmly, making Shin just shake his head.
"I agreed to tell you my home address. I agreed to let Âi Dear go find you. Since you have no damn sense to cherish him, I'm at my wit's end," Shin said simply but absolutely refused to let Purin enter the house.
Just from standing and listening until he heard his short friend crying his heart out, he felt angry. But as they say, people have different reasons. He didn't think to judge anyone's love life.
Really, I can damn well see that Âi Dear must be overthinking, imagining things way too far. Just looking, I can tell why his Phîi Porsche was acting so damn desperate upon seeing his tears. But I think now isn't the right time to talk, Shin thought.
That damned shit-lizard Dear has lost his mind. He won't listen to anyone, Shin thought.
"Let me go in," Purin repeated.
"I'm only giving you the front of the house... Oh, outside the fence, Phîi. Not inside the fence," Shin said, raising an eyebrow, making Purin clench his fist tightly. But he wasn't angry at Shin in front of him. He was angrier at himself.
Because he didn't clear things up completely before what happened last night, it turned out like this.
"Seriously, if you go in, will he even listen to you? He'll just fall into the same damn pattern. He'll just cry, yell in your face, tell you to go find his Jae... Oh, there are older people in this house. I'm just warning you that this is someone else's house," Shin said.
Thud.
Purin froze immediately, knowing he was causing trouble for others. But his heart was too damn agitated to maintain manners. Meanwhile, the gaze of Shin, younger than him, also clearly said he wouldn't allow it either, making Purin close his eyes tightly, trying to compose himself.
The state of Purin, known for his work ethic and excellent education, now with a pained expression, made Shin, who knew how love could hurt, sigh.
"You should go back first, Phîi. Wait for him to cool down a bit..." Shin advised.
"Not going back. I'll wait until I can talk to Dear," Purin said. His expression and gaze clearly showed that he would never leave until he could talk to his little one, making Shin rub his head vigorously.
"Bloody fucking hell. I really want to punch you! To death! But I don't want to give you an excuse to enter the house. As it is, Âi Dear's already damn furious," Shin said heavily, annoyed.
And that made Purin look up at the house, then look down to meet Shin's eyes.
"Please tell Dear, I won't go anywhere until we've talked," Purin said. Finished, he agreed to turn and leave the large house. However, he didn't go far. Purin just slumped down, leaning against his beloved car, to look toward the house.
A sight that made Shin, the homeowner, sigh heavily.
"Khun-nŭu Shin..." came a worried question.
"Yes," Shin said, turning to look at his Mâe's close friend, who approached with an equally concerned expression.
"Are you really not going to let that young man in, Khun-nŭu?... It's late. He might get bitten by mosquitoes," the older person Shin regarded as a relative asked him in broken Thai, making Shin just turn to look and sigh.
"Let him be, Auntie. Leave him like that. This has nothing to do with me," Shin said.
Headache! Yeah. Your own problems, solve them yourself. I have nothing to do with any of this. Bloody fucking hell. Thinking about it hurts. Shin thought.
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