Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Hello Khrap, everyone. First of all, let me formally introduce myself. I...Nai Dear or Nai Daranpat. I have one and only older sister who is unlike anyone else, and she's damn confident that no one dares to be like her, with her utterly hellish...no, utterly virtuous, exquisite, and graceful personality unlike anyone else. As for the matter of my looks...they're passable, I guess. If it weren't for these big eyes of the type where people ask if I'm wearing circle lenses, a mouth so bright red it's like I always have canker sores, and skin so white it never tans no matter how much sun I get, I'd probably be...good-looking, I suppose.
But right now, a good-looking person like me is feeling like I'm being kicked off a nine-story building, then hit by a truck until my face is smashed to pulp.
Someone, anyone! I don't mind not sleeping alone! I can share a room! I can go live in a dorm that's like a horror movie set! But it must not be this guy's room!!!
Amidst the wailing cries resembling a hungry ghost begging for merit, a (nearly) tall figure was sitting, clasping his hands on a single sofa with a demure and modest demeanor. His round eyes could only stare straight ahead at the dark-colored sofa where a tall guy (damn, he's over 185 cm for sure), who was still in his blue striped pajamas, was sitting and talking to his own real older sister, who had shed her nerdy girl image to become a chic, eye-liner-wearing, sharp girl, not knowing if this was help or good fortune.
Yes, the man before him was the owner of sharp, handsome looks like a Thai guy with a hint of Chinese ancestry, sharp slanted eyes with thick, dark eyebrows, a high, straight nose bridge, deeply defined, good-looking lips, all set in a strong face framed by short-cut black hair. His skin tone was just right, tanned by the sun...
Âi' Dear, what the hell are you doing sitting there describing Phîi Porsche like some female lead from the trashy novels Jae Dream likes to read?!
The eighteen-year-old young man almost slapped his own head in frustration, which had started rushing into his bloodstream the moment he saw this guy's face. He just now realized he'd been sitting there staring with such an analytical gaze, enough to describe god-tier handsomeness for pages. But in short...this Phîi Porsche was the person he'd had a secret crush on since he was fifteen.
Not gay, just a secret crush. Just admired him. Just...felt good when he used to roughly ruffle his hair and give him a smile...that's all.
While Dear was lost in his own thoughts, even though his eyes were looking straight at the two people conversing, images from years ago flashed into his head unforgivably.
"It's just like I told you, Porsche. Please look after my little brother. Dear got into engineering at the university around here, and he still hasn't found a dorm. I didn't know who else to rely on, so I came to ask you..."
"Couldn't find one, huh? Couldn't find one, or did Jae not look?"
Snap
"Sit quietly, okay, Âi Nong Rak? If you don't know what to do, go make some coffee for Phîi Porsche. Coffee, two sugars, no cream. As for Jae, she's finding the best thing for her little brother...Now go, go!!" That initial voice of Jae Dream was supremely sweet to the ears, alright, but it was that last sentence, the one with the stern tone, the piercing look of the type that made a little brother who could argue back just shut his mouth quietly. But his red mouth was still mumbling complaints to himself.
Whose sister is this, really deserving an award!
He couldn't help but tell himself in his heart, while still sitting motionless in the same spot. His heart was both praying for this older brother to turn his sister down, but another, utterly traitorous part of him wanted to hear the word...agreed.
"Don't mind Âi' Dear. Let's continue, Porsche. Simply put, don't make me play the tough role. I'm asking you to let my little brother stay here. It's close to the faculty, convenient travel. This place has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one living room, one kitchen plus dining room. You living alone is a waste. You bought a condo like you're planning to have three wives and two kids living here. Share some space with this kid a bit. He's easy to take care of. If there's nothing for him to eat, just give him some kibble...."
"Jae Dream!!!"
Snap
"Quiet now, Khrap." When his sister turned and snapped her gaze at him, the one being looked at could only fall silent again. Even though he really wanted to complain to his heart's content, because his life had been dictated by his older sister ever since four years ago, after their parents had to move abroad for work, he admitted he was damn scared of Jae's heart. He was always afraid she might do something crazy.
But Dear isn't a dog, Jae. What kind of crazy person eats kibble, huh?
His big eyes could only look on, utterly annoyed, a look that remained in the tall young man's sight the entire time, until Hurin laughed softly. His deep voice turned to speak, the second sentence after the initial greeting.
"Still the same, huh. Why do you let Dream bully you like this? Just this and she's almost turning into a demoness already."
Please, Phîi Porsche, please don't smile at me like that. Dammit, Âi' Dear, damn it for sure.
Amidst the deep voice laced with laughter that spoke so amusedly, the young man turned his face away elsewhere, not daring to meet the sharp pair of eyes in front of him, before Hurin turned to his close friend next door and then nodded.
"Yeah, you don't have to play tough. Letting your little brother stay with me, that's fine. Like you said, I don't have three wives and two kids settled in here. Having Dear come help use the place is good too. We're practically family anyway...Heh. But you're still just as tall, huh."
"No, Phîi Porsche! I'm three centimeters taller now, hey! A full three centimeters! I'm now 168, ri— Mmph" He didn't even say agreed or not, but the act of turning to look him up and down from head to toe, those sharp eyes sparkling brightly like he was checking a price tag, made the one being criticized for his height protest with a black and red face (flustered), and then he realized...he'd slipped up.
Slipped up big time, too.
"Hahaha, yeah, 168, right? How many centimeters apart from me, hmm? Seventeen, maybe?"
Don't laugh like that, Phîi Porsche. Stop it, oh! Phîi, don't laugh like that.
Amidst the laughter of the man who had teased the kid next door, the owner of the 168-centimeter height could only turn his face away, even though his ears were turning bright red, his face felt hot in waves from the wide smile of the man in front of him. The one laughing, showing white teeth neatly arranged, sharp eyes that he already found sparkling, now even more brilliantly sparkling in a way that made his heart itch intensely, wanting to tear it out to scratch. The soft, deep voice that was indescribably pleasant to listen to, until the one who insisted he merely admired him almost buried his face into the sofa.
Laughing is fine, but don't make that face at me, Phîi.
The thoughts of the one who bowed his head even lower, in a way that his beautiful sister didn't pay any attention to her brother's condition at all, but instead turned back to her close friend whom she'd studied with from kindergarten through university graduation.
"So it's settled then, let Âi' Dear stay here. Electricity, water, room costs, I know you're kind-hearted and won't charge a friend. He'll probably only be here Monday to Friday, Saturday Sunday he'll go home..."
"Wait, Jae Dream! Have you even asked Dear one word if Dear wants to stay here?!!" When shame wasn't enough, and he encountered his sister forcing his life onto Hurin, Dear could only protest loudly.
Just stepping into this room for less than twenty minutes, and his heart itched so much he thought someone had thrown itching powder at him. If he had to stay Monday to Friday, wouldn't Âi' Dear damn well die in this room because of that smile and laugh like this?
Snap
That was it. Both adults simultaneously snapped their gazes to look at the one who had to come live here. He jumped up to stand straight, his face noticeably flushed red, both hands clenched tightly together as if furious that no one was listening to his opinion. And that made Hurin frown, then turn back to look at the young woman by his side.
"Are you forcing your little brother into this or what?" Hurin said while shaking his head, exasperated with his friend who had been willful since childhood until now. And that made the listener just shrug, until the middleman (who actually should be the most troubled) became the one to mediate.
"Sit down first, Dear. Yeah, Phîi knows, entering university and all, you probably don't want anyone controlling your behavior. Phîi thinks Dear probably doesn't like having to come live with Phîi like he has an older brother controlling him again..."
It's not because it feels like having an older brother. Not at all.
"...But staying here, Phîi won't say anything. You can come back whenever you want. I know engineering, drinking is a hobby. You can use anything in this room, Phîi doesn't mind. Dear coming to live here is like Phîi having a little brother to live with..."
Damn it, Phîi, can you stop emphasizing the word 'little brother' at me so much?
"...But if you're really not okay with it, later Phîi will ask my subordinates at the company if anyone knows of a dorm near Dear's university that still has space..."
"No!!!"
Before the mediator could finish speaking, not knowing that the little brother was objecting so hard in his mind his head was about to fly off, that older brother frowned so deeply his eyebrows almost shot up to the middle of his forehead. Jae Dream exclaimed loudly and made as if to slam the table for attention again, until Hurin, still in his pajamas, heaved a heavy sigh.
That one won't do, this one won't do either.
"Okay, no good, right? Then settle it yourselves. I'm not involved anymore, Khun Darinpana. Finished. Just wake me up when you're done." Not just words, the man with a calm demeanor who should have been the best mediator raised both hands level with his shoulders, and then the tall figure lay down to sleep...really sleep, in a way that his long legs extended past the long sofa, making Dear can't help but feel that
Phîi Porsche is damn annoying.
And does Jae Dream care? Nope. The beautiful young woman merely snapped her gaze to look at her only younger brother who was making a troubled face, and then began to speak in a tone...soft...that whenever you heard it, you knew this was the tone that said...if you object, you die. If you're displeased, you die. If you disagree, you die anyway.
Simply put, Jae Dream was...getting serious.
"Alright, Dear. Listen to Jae carefully. You!!!...hate cold showers, the type when it rains or in cold weather, you need hot water of the egg-scalding type..."
"Jae, what are you bringing up..."
"Listen!!! Don't argue." Before the younger brother could protest, utterly embarrassed that his sister was saying such things in front of the man who, even though his eyes were closed and he was still, was definitely listening, the young woman spoke heavily, making her younger brother heave a huge sigh.
Okay, I know it. Today, I'm gonna get completely exposed. Say it, Jae. Make Dear embarrassed all at once. Say it.
Once again, he was being utterly sarcastic in his heart, but externally, he just looked at his older sister who started speaking again.
"Therefore, you must have a water heater with you. You don't like small beds, the single bed type, because you've thrashed around and fallen out of bed before. You hate cold showers but love drinking cold water like it's your life's soul. No ice and your throat won't swallow. Therefore, there must be a fridge everywhere you stay. You hate instant food because whenever you eat it, you often get a sore throat. You've told Jae until it's memorized that it's because it has a lot of MSG. So you have to cook for yourself, or at least find bagged curry. Therefore, you need to use bowls, plates, spoons, dishes, and if it's cold, you need a microwave...."
Throughout everything Jae Dream said, the listener was actually touched that his older sister, even though she liked to act tough, understood him best. But what's the deal with having to describe the nature of Nai Daranpat in front of the person who was lying there hugging a cushion on the sofa?
There, Phîi Porsche is opening one eye.
"...All that I just said, do you understand that if you don't rent a house, you have to find a condo that has complete facilities? And it's not over yet..."
There's more? Jae, are you trying to kill Dear with embarrassment, is that it?
"Besides that, you hate riding minivans because they're cramped, uncomfortable, sometimes you can't even breathe. If you're going to say no to a dorm, but will actually commute from home, you'd have to take a minivan because the Skytrain requires changing lines...Therefore, no matter what, you have to live in a dorm. Besides, you also hate taking buses. You'd definitely make Jae drive to pick you up every Friday and bring you back Sunday evening, which Jae tells you straight up, I'm not that free. Therefore, staying with Porsche is the best option already. Any week he goes home, you can just drop him off in front of my house...Do you understand everything I said, that Jae has found the best thing for you?"
Should I be touched...Okay, touched it is.
The listener let out a long sigh. He knew it himself, he was damn high-maintenance. Just loves comfort, that's all. Not the type of young master who's overly delicate, but he couldn't deny he disliked taking public transport. It's uncomfortable. And he also knew well that Jae Dream would never be free to pick him up and drop him off like this every week for sure. And then all those other minor details.
Is it wrong to have a bit of a delicate palate? Eating too much instant food or street food, it's just that I'm not very compatible with MSG. If I eat from shops in front of the university all week, guaranteed I'd be damn near dead on Saturday Sunday.
And most importantly, he knew...that his older sister was concerned...
"It's not anything, you know. Staying here, besides being free, doesn't waste gas that Jae has to drive to find you."
Okay, I concluded a bit too quickly that you were concerned. There's only a thin line separating stingy and concerned, huh. "Heh, everything you said was good, except for the last sentence." And inevitably, the one who had his eyes closed opened one eye to look and spoke with a laugh-laced voice, making the young man turn to look, before seeing the handsome face smiling widely in amusement, forcing him to suppress his embarrassment, which wasn't ordinary embarrassment, but utter embarrassment. He just stared silently at his sister's face.
If I had one magical wish right now, just one, could you please make Phîi Porsche forget everything Jae said before this?
"Understood, right? Staying here, your monthly allowance, Dad said it's increased to twelve thousand a month. If you found a dorm, deducting that part to pay, how much money would be left? Stay here. If you feel bad for Porsche, then make dinner for him too, or help buy groceries for the room...Right, Porsche?"
"That's good. Like having a worker in the room. Yeah, or having a personal chef is better." Then the person waiting for the two siblings to reach an agreement bounced up to sit straight, both hands resting on his knees, while giving a wide smile, sending a teasing look to the kid next door whose ears were bright red.
"Phîi, a man, a personal chef, you mean."
"Oh, really? If he wore a long wig, Phîi would definitely think Dear was a girl. This size, this kind of face." Not just words, Hurin even made sparkling eyes and gestured with his hands, making the listener open his mouth slightly, trying to rack his brain if this older brother next door had been this annoying many years ago, and was sure that he wasn't.
"Right? Big eyes, red mouth, white skin, Adam's apple not prominent. My little brother would be so cuuute then...." The older sister didn't correct her little brother at all, just laughed in agreement, making the one being ganged up on purse his lips unavoidably, as the older brother next door got up and walked to a corner, making him just follow with his eyes.
"Settled then, Dear. Jae will call Bpǎa and Máa to tell them you're staying with Porsche. Bpǎa and Máa were worried about how you'd manage after entering university anyway." The young woman concluded, making the listener's neck slump. He knew there was absolutely no escape.
Thump
"Hey, hold out your hand." But before he could utter acceptance or refusal, a large, tall shadow stood close until he had to tilt his head up to see the handsome face smiling down at him. The deep voice said amusedly, making the listener just dumbly hold his hand out.
Plop
"A card?"
"Spare key card to Phîi s room. Anyway...I'm in your care, then, Dear."
Hair that was unbelievably smooth to the touch and long enough to flick at a high school kid many months ago—not just words, Hurin reached out and placed his hand on the messy head of the boy next door, made contact, then let go completely, and proceeded to ruffled it gently, like he used to do when this kid was still a tiny shrimp.
This is bad. This is definitely bad...Âi' Dear is definitely in trouble.
And that made the young man could only cry out in his heart with a repeating phrase, while looking at the handsome face smiling widely at him and the large, warm palm—warm like the day he fell in love with this older brother next door.
This is definitely not good. Can I still change my mind, huh?
But even though he thought that, the hand holding the small card unconsciously clenched tighter...
"What's wrong? Angry that Jae forced you or something?"
Inside the minivan that seemed too big for a woman to drive, Jae Dream turned to ask her little brother who, ever since getting in the car, had been quiet, which was strange. No whining, begging to turn on music to listen to like usual. And as the car was about to turn into the large house where only the two siblings lived, the sweet voice finally asked.
A question that made Dear turn to open his mouth at her.
"Does Dear have the right to be angry at Jae? No, he doesn't. Whatever Jae finds for Dear, Dear just has to accept it all." He was confident he was being fully sarcastic to his sister, but the listener just laughed with a clear sound as she maneuvered the car to park still in the small parking lot of the house.
"Aww, my little brother pouting is so adorable."
"Jae Dream, Dear is not laughing at all, hey, Phîi! Making me go stay with Phîi Porsche like this, don't you think it's bothering him or something..."
"Nope." Before he could even finish speaking, the woman whom her little brother, in this lifetime, still couldn't find a definition for whether she knew how to be considerate of others or not, got out of the car quickly with a clear voice, making Dear hurriedly follow.
"Why overthink so much, huh, my little brother? Porsche, he's fond of you like a little brother. You've been running around together since you were this tiny until you grew this big. He doesn't see it as anything to feel bad about, you know. Is there something more? Before, it was Phîi Porsche this, Phîi Porsche that. After Âi'Phîi Porsche went to study further, you never mentioned him again, you know." Jae Dream turned to look her little brother in the eye, while reaching her arm out to lock his neck—he was only three centimeters taller—and hug him, making the listener quickly avert his eyes in a fluster.
"What's that got to do with anything, Jae? We haven't seen each other for three years, of course there's some awkwardness. Dear isn't the little boy Daranpat who wanted to be like the older brother next door anymore. And Phîi Porsche must feel awkward too, that's all. Also, when Phîi Porsche came back, Dear didn't even know..."
"Hmm...Sulking that he didn't tell you when he returned to Thailand?"
"Hey!!! No! Jae, don't change the subject, damn it!" When his sister said this, the listener couldn't help but startle. He swore he wasn't the least bit sulky or resentful that the older brother next door, right after finishing his bachelor's, flew off to study for his master's in America and only returned half a year ago. But in that half a year, they'd only met once.
Not resentful or anything at all, damn it. Just...felt strange.
Thump
"Who's changing the subject? You are. What's wrong with you? Why are you suddenly resisting Âi'Porsche? Or is it that you..." But then, Jae Dream locked her little brother's neck tightly and pulled him to make eye contact. Her beautiful eyes narrowed as if trying to catch a fault, making the one with a guilty conscience shake his head in a fluster.
"Wh-what, Jae...why look at Dear like that?"
"It's just that you..."
No, Jae, don't start reading minds now. You must not find out what Dear is thinking...
"You...are afraid he'll trick you into doing housework."
Huh?!!
"Hahaha! Look at your face, my little brother. Don't worry. That condo of his with 'three wives, two kids' has a maid come up to clean three times a week. Don't be afraid he'll use you. Eat free, use free, make it worth it. Don't disgrace the name of Jae Dream's little brother." After his sister said with a laugh-laced voice, then pushed her little brother's head hard, the younger brother who had been stiff could only give a dry smile.
"Ah...yeah, yeah. That's it, that's it. Dear is afraid Phîi Porsche will make Dear work, that's it." Right now, he could do nothing but accept the pretext, which made Jae Dream shake her head slightly and then quickly step past the seating in the garden.
"Then you can stop overthinking. Make me fried rice for dinner tonight. I have to go clear more customer orders later."
"Jae, you go in first. Dear will water the plants for a bit, then go make fried rice for you." Dear called out immediately, even though his eyes were still fixed on the marble seat that had been sitting in the same spot for many years, like...many years ago.
Words that Jae Dream didn't find suspicious, the young woman went into the house first, while her younger brother walked over and slumped down onto the marble chair. The corners of his supremely red lips lifted into a very, very small smile.
"Dear wasn't resentful or anything, Phîi. Not talking about it was because...I didn't want to be sad, you know?" The young man said in a faint, wispy voice, before sighing. The images from that night flashed into his head again.
Images of a fifteen-year-old boy being dumped for the first time by a girl, with the reason being...there's someone else, forcing him to sit secretly wiping tears alone in the garden. Ashamed, heartbroken, angry, asking what he did wrong to be treated like this. And at that time, the older brother next door, whom he had always seen as a role model, walked over.
Phîi Porsche didn't need to speak; he knew Phîi knew the whole story. After all, when he got dumped, Phîi Porsche's younger brother, who was also his close friend, was there too. The tall guy who was about to graduate with his bachelor's degree walked over and just...placed his hand on his head with a smile.
"It's okay.
That was really it. Just Phîi Porsche sitting beside him and ruffling his hair gently. Not speaking, not comforting, letting him sit with his head bowed, letting his tears fall out quietly like that. But when he looked up, Phîi was still there in the same spot with a smile...that made the person who was heartbroken and wanted to cry out in protest calm down instantly.
"Cry it all out today. Then tomorrow, don't shed any more tears for a person like that."
It was the first teaching Phîi Porsche gave him. But this older brother next door probably never knew that the events of that night made him....feel so good it was scary.
That night, instead of lying awake, thinking about the embarrassing fact that he was dumped by a girl, thinking that his friends probably all knew he was ditched by a girl, it turned into a night he fell asleep with a smile and the faint touch that remained on his head, along with the thought...how to keep this feeling secret so no one would know.
But this problem was almost solved the following week, when he heard the news from his sister that Phîi Porsche...was going to fly off to study further in America. And that was the last time they were alone together, just the two of them.
And was the night....he fell in love with the older brother next door.
"Phîi Porsche, what should I do, huh?" A question Dear could only ask by bowing his head, pressing his forehead against the stone table, and closing his eyes.
What should I do, if I have to live together with him?
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