SGRA Prologue

Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Gok

I believe that every single person has a secret they are afraid to tell anyone. I myself am no different... I have one secret that, even if you used something to pry my mouth open, I would never tell.

"Âi Gok, you damned-animal, can we go drink at your place tonight?"

"Hey, do you guys think my house is a liquor store or something?"

"Oi, don't say that, man. We don't see your house as a liquor store at all."

I turned to look at my close friends who were gathered together behind the school. Each person held a book. No, we weren't reading textbooks. Pornography, yes. Comics, yes. We had even secretly brought in liquor mixed with soft drinks in bottles before. Simply put, you could say we were the school's notorious gang of delinquents.

We are in Matayom 6 now, so right now we are the top dogs. No one dares to oppose us. The nursery area behind the school had therefore naturally become our territory.

And right now, I was grinning widely and asked them a single question in return.

"Why?"

"Because liquor stores cost money, but the booze at your place is free, damn it!"

I laughed out loud at their cheering, almost wanting to nod in agreement that my house was a hangout spot. But in the end, I could only shake my head.

"Can't do it, man. My Mâe is home."

"Aw, damn it! That sucks!"

"No drinking for us this time."

They all lamented, because that one word was truly effective... Mâe... No, not a stepmother, my real Mâe, my birth Mâe, the one who gave birth to me. No matter how kind she normally is, whenever she sees us, who are still high school students, both drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes, Good Lord, it's a real scolding. We've been scattered because of it before. But the reason they never learn their lesson is because... Phô supports it.

My Phô, he's the real character. Because he couldn't drink outside, he actually taught me and my Phîi to drink since we were in junior high, to be his drinking buddies. He even enjoys it when I bring friends over to make a racket at the house, saying the more people the merrier. So what do they see my Phô as?... Oh, right, a god, damn it.

These days, I'm starting to be unsure if having a Phô like this is actually good or not. But I do love my Phô.

"So, no drinking today. Let's split up and go our separate ways. If I'm home late, my Mâe will definitely smash my head in." I said in a bored tone, even though really... I was extremely happy.

If they couldn't come drink at my place, they would just find somewhere else to go, that's all.

"Then let's go play DotA."

"Yeah, you guys go ahead. Today I'm going home to give my dog a bath."

They didn't object, because they knew I had a Siberian Husky. I loved it very much and had bragged about it countless times. It thus became a perfect excuse for me not to go with them.

You all are probably wondering, if I dislike going with them this much, why do I hang out with that gang of delinquents from the back of the class? I don't hate them. I actually kind of love them. These guys, even though they skip class, drink liquor, encourage each other to smoke, are addicted to games, have dog-mouths, gang up to fight, and many other things that anyone hearing about it would ask why be friends with such bad people, but they see friends as more important than anything. If I ever got into trouble with anyone, these were the guys who would show up without fear of any teacher's face.

We've gotten into trouble together. We've gone to the discipline office together. We've run away from guys from other schools together. Oi, the heroic tales of us are so many you could call us true friends. But...

Yes, there's always a 'but'. And my 'but' is, they... have mouths that are unpleasant to be around.

"You, you, you! Did you see the outfit Teacher Pam wore today? It was so revealing, bloody fucking. I almost puked to death. She's both old and haggard, and then she comes and yells at me. Not just normal yelling, she was leaning down yelling at me. It got so bad I couldn't even eat my lunch. I suspect I'll have nightmares tonight."

They didn't even spare the teachers. And I, following the nature of a fun-loving friend, I laughed, didn't I? I didn't argue or contradict. Because other people's business is entertaining in the eyes of reckless young men like us, even though we know full well how bad it is. Because I admit it... I didn't want to be alienated from them.

They have fun, I have fun. They enjoy themselves, I enjoy myself. They skip class, I skip class. Having fun-loving friends is enjoyable, alright. But there is one single thing where I cannot lock my preference away in a box.

It's something I've tried to do, but I really bloody fucking can't do it.

Kring-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g!

"Damned-animal, we can't skip this period."

As soon as the bell rang, we could only sigh in frustration, resigned to getting up and returning to the classroom because it was the homeroom teacher's period. If we disappeared, the teacher would definitely announce our names in front of the flag ceremony tomorrow. So we moved our butts from our regular spot back to the classroom. But, as you'd expect, during the class change period, there are always students milling about the hallways, and my ears immediately perked up when I heard a faint voice.

"Hey, let's stop by the cake shop this evening."

"That older guy's shop, right?"

"Yeah! I tried it yesterday. It was so, so, so, so, so delicious! Like, oh my god, it's so cheap, but it's as delicious as cake from a department store. Maybe even more delicious! And the Phîi who owns the shop... is so, so handsome! Handsome in a way that, oi, is absolutely fantastic! So let's go, okay!"

I turned to look at the group of junior students, probably Matayom 5, walking past us, talking with such relish, not caring about anyone else. I inadvertently stopped walking, seemingly getting a little excited about this handsome shop owner fellow, until...

"What did you try yesterday?"

"Double chocolate! It was truly wonderful and worth it. Really rich dark chocolate. He sells it for only 45 baht a slice. It's so fantastic I could die and be reborn."

Double chocolate, huh...

Gulp.

"Why did you stop walking, Âi Gok? Oh ho, interested in the juniors, are you?" I was slightly startled when my close friend threw his arm over my shoulder, leaned down, and whispered with a sly voice. I turned to meet his gaze, then shrugged, replying without giving anything away.

"Look at them, Âi Ton. They're all chubby. I probably wouldn't be interested. Use your brain to think a little, will you?"

"Gah ha ha! You're short yourself, you Shorty. Acting like you're so handsome you can be choosy like Graph!" Âi Ton, my tall friend, laughed loudly, in a way that made me laugh along too, and then I steered the conversation to other topics.

"Let's hurry up. Your Phô will kill you later."

Just mentioning 'Phô' was enough for my own two legs to automatically speed up. Because I probably haven't told you, have I, what my real name is? My name is Nai Gawin. And my student number is... 1.

Yes, there are so many people in all of Thailand whose names start with 'G', but it seems there isn't a single one in my class. So I'm number 1. And what's bad about being number 1? Everything about it is bad!

Hey, number 1, answer the question.

I've taken attendance. Nai Gawin... Oh, absent?

I'm announcing the scores. Number 1 got 5 out of 20. You need to improve, Nai Gawin.

And on and on, time after time, I'm the first one! I absolutely hate my own name!

Therefore, if I dawdle... I'll be the first one whose name is called for sure!

School is out. The bell has rung. It's finally my time to be free.

As soon as school ended, I lingered, saying I had duties to wait for my damned friends as they split up to go home, not intending to help me at all. Once I was sure they were all gone, I grabbed my backpack and walked, skirting along the school wall. Let me tell you, I am very skilled at this, since I've sneaked out of school dozens of times. Therefore, I used my small stature to weave my way along the path, to emerge in front of the school, walked along the road a little more, and reached my destination.

In front of me was a row house that looked ordinary, like any other, newly built just last year. It had been painted a bright blue for about half a year now. On the top was a sign with blue letters on a white background that said "Taste of Secrets," accompanied by a picture of a cupcake and a coffee cup. The front had a large glass pane that allowed a view into the shop, which was painted in bright colors, with white ash wood tables in a pale yellow tone that was almost white, making the shop look even warmer, mixed with multi-colored cushions and decorated with small potted plants. It was no wonder this shop was popular with the young women from the school.

It was now a little past four o'clock. Most students were already out of school, so many tables were occupied. There were groups of young women having fun after school, there were intense tutors who ordered one drink but taught for hours, and the ones I absolutely disliked... you could count the number of men on one hand.

Right now, zero!

Ha, damn! Then how am I, with my thick face, supposed to walk in there!

I made a very sour face, looking inside to the very back where I could see the counter with the female staff member stationed. Just a little beyond that was the cake display case holding various kinds of sweet pastries, and that had been my goal for the past several months.

This shop had been open for half a year, since I was in Matayom 5, and now I had been in Matayom 6 for three months. During the time I heard the rampant rumors, from friends, from friends' romantic partners, from eavesdropping on them, that this shop was delicious and cheap, my heart had been yearning to rush in for once. But the problem was, every time I walked past, bloody fucking, there were only women. If I walked boldly in there, everyone would know that I am a person who devours sweets!

This is my secret.

Really, I don't like drinking liquor. I don't like smoking cigarettes. I like cake.

Not just cake, but tarts, cookies, macarons, anything that everyone says is sickeningly sweet, I devour it all. But how could I tell my friends that, in reality, I have to secretly carry candy in my pocket every time, to kill the bitterness of the liquor and beer!

If they found out, they would definitely mock me heavily. And with mouths like theirs, they wouldn't care how fucking shitty I felt, as long as they had fun. Therefore, I had to keep this matter as my top-secret secret.

"But I want to devour it."

I was muttering to myself. I had come to scout it out many times, had secretly come to look many times, but didn't dare go in. When I finally mustered the courage to sneak over near closing time, thinking there must be leftovers no matter what, but...

"We're sold out for today. So sorry."

I really don't understand. The shop sells so well, but they only make a few pounds of cake per day? Have you no consideration for someone like me who painstakingly waits until eight o'clock!

"I want to devour it! I want to devour it! I want to eat the double chocolate cake!"

I was grumbling to myself. I may not like the bitterness of liquor, but that doesn't include the bitterness of chocolate.

The aroma, the smoothness, the bitter yet sweet taste on the tip of the tongue, and the way it melts in your mouth... don't even compare it to liquor and beer. A sweet-eater like me wouldn't accept that... not at all.

If my friends curse, I have to curse along, damn it.

No way. However it happens, today I will devour it!

I've been eating chocolate bars to kill the craving for months. However it happens, today I must buy a slice.

It's not difficult, Âi Gok. Just walk in confidently and order it to go. It's simple, you damned-animal.

"Oh, Phîi Gok, hello."

Damn it!

I was startled, turning to look at the source of the greeting, until I saw a junior I knew and quickly put on a front-facing smile.

"Hello."

"What are you doing here, Phîi Gik?"

"Uh, I... I was going to walk to the meatball shop."

Damn it!

I almost raised my hand to smack my own skull for having a loose tongue, instead of saying my Mâe told me to buy it, or the junior wanted to eat, or the dog wanted to devour it (?), anything would have been better. The junior just smiled, waved, and then they all went into the shop noisily, ordering cakes happily, with no pity for the short senior who was dying of envy.

I want to devour it! I want to devour it!

The thought of a dejected person, and then I walked away to buy meatballs from the shop next door.

"Aunt, I'll take two sticks. Only with the sweet dipping sauce. Make it very soaked."

Bloody fucking hell, how can sweet dipping sauce not kill my craving for sweets!

Of course it can't!

I was skewering meatballs to vent my frustration until the bag tore. I looked over at the cake shop with longing and felt dejected.

I should just go home. I can go buy a tub of ice cream to eat instead.

I walked back to the front of the cake shop to go catch my ride near the school entrance. But just as I was looking at the shop longingly one last time.

"Excuse me, young man."

Hmm.

I turned towards the voice calling out, until I saw a tall man who... was handsome as hell.

This older guy is seriously handsome.

That was all I could think, looking at the older man who was probably over 180 cm tall from a rough estimate, wearing a dark blue cap so I couldn't see his hairstyle, but his sharp jawline, intense eyes, thick eyebrows, and well-shaped nose told you he was handsome. Not to mention his manly build with muscles on both arms. Even though he was dressed simply in jeans and a plain t-shirt, I could only exclaim... fucking handsome.

The more he looked at me smiling, the more I could tell he was really very handsome.

But so what if he's handsome? Why did he talk to me?

"Would you like to go into the shop together?"

"Huh?!" I exclaimed, looking at the man in front of me again in confusion at first, before my eyes widened.

He doesn't dare go in either, does he!?

At that moment, I really only thought that. I told myself, I have a companion to enter with now. At the very least, he is a man with a broad chest, as big as a building, but he is still going into a cake shop. Therefore, a man as small as an ant like me going in probably wouldn't be strange. I nodded vigorously, not noticing that he was carrying shopping bags full of goods in both hands.

"The shop is full of nothing but women, right?"

Exactly the same thought as me.

"That's right, Phîi. This shop has nothing but women," I agreed with him, thinking for sure he was scared to go in like me. So, when he grinned widely as if to laugh, I thought we were on the same wavelength. Then I followed him to open the door and enter the shop meekly, putting on a confident face thinking if this handsome guy can go in, then I can go in too, damn it. Then I followed him to the counter.

He is buying to go, just like me.

I was over a hundred percent confident.

"Oh, Phîi Pong, you are here already?"

He must come here often, damn it. The staff remembers his name.

I nodded, starting to feel better. If this older man came to buy often, then that meant me coming sometimes probably wouldn't be strange.

Gasp.

Wait a minute. And how familiar does this Phîi have to be, to be able to walk holding groceries behind the counter?

I was starting to feel uncertain, watching the handsome older man walk inside to put down his things. And... he grabbed a brown apron and put it on, damn it!

Suddenly, someone's voice echoed in my head.

"The handsome shop owner Phîi!!!"

And it was as if he wanted to confirm my thought, because the older man in front of me gave me a warm smile and asked...

"What would you like to order, Khun customer?"

This question made my hands shake immediately. And all I could exclaim was... Shit-lizard-l-l-l-l! This is the shop owner!!!