Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Gok
What the hell should I do?! What the hell should I do!!!
Right now, I need to find a way to explain myself. I need to find a way to wriggle out of this, I need to find a way to cover it up!... The truth is, I am not a person; I can transform into a dog. And when I saw Phîi Pong's hand, it looked like a toy bone, so I just gnawed on it. I even gnawed until I drooled all over, messing up Phîi Pong's palm.
Damn it! Why was I born with such a swollen brain?
“Uh... "
Don't just say 'uh'! What is it with you? Just say it, you damned-animal!
Yes, I know I am cursing to cover my embarrassment, my brain is in overdrive to cover my shyness, because the evidence is all over Phîi Pong's hand. And what else? It's the syrup-like drool that flowed so much I want to ask if this is saliva or the lust of mine. Why is it so damn sticky?
Therefore, I am still frozen in the same position, which is holding Phîi Pong's hand firmly. My eyes are wide open in extreme shock, while the other person is looking down at his own hand.
Phîi, don't stay stunned for so long! Yell at me. Yell at me! Don't stay silent and make me want to explode!
“Nong Gok, please don't make that face.”
And what face am I making?! I don't have a mirror; I don't know!
I open my mouth, feeling my eyes brimming with tears. My eye sockets are also burning hot. I don't need to be told that I am so embarrassed I'm on the verge of crying. But I am stunned, damn it, stunned. My brain can't think of anything in time, so I can only keep holding Phîi Pong's hand in the same position.
While he starts to regain his composure because... he smiles.
Why the hell are you smiling, you psycho?! I just sucked your finger, understand? I sucked it with a slurp sound!
You know!
“It is alright. Nong Gok just made a little mess.”
Huh!!!
I scream loudly in my heart, of course. I look at this cake-shop guy who is still smiling the same way... a kind-hearted man's smile, as if there are fluffy flowers floating around him. No, no, no, what's fluffy is probably inside my chest, like something fluffy, soft, and blooming... just like my lower part that's starting to swell and puff up like baked goods fresh from the oven.
Snap
“!!!”
But then I am even more stunned when Phîi Pong licks... my thing.
Do not think deeply. I mean the saliva.
Yes, Phîi Pong is bowing his head and using the tip of his brightly colored tongue to lick his own finger, trailing down to his palm where my saliva had flowed like syrup. Then he traces the tip of his tongue to his wrist. But his eyes aren't looking at his own hand... he looks up at me.
So fucking sexy!!!
The image of the handsome cake-shop guy meticulously licking my (saliva) with care, his sharp eyes glancing up to look at my face. Moreover, the gaze that is usually kind now has a deep gleam, to the point where it feels like... I am being slowly devoured by this pair of eyes.
Slurp
Gasp!!!
I jolt violently when Phîi Pong uses his other hand to grab my wrist that is holding him again. A big, warm, rough hand grips my wrist completely. And my damn heart starts pounding loudly again, and...
Ugh.
Why the hell am I looking at Phîi Pong's tongue and swallowing my saliva?!
It is red like a strawberry. It also seems soft like jelly and has a clear, shiny liquid like syrup.
Phîi Pong's tongue is like... strawberry jelly with syrup.
Ugh.
The saliva in my mouth surges sharply as I stare at the tongue, as if enchanted by a sweet dessert. I confess from my heart that... I want to bite it.
I wonder if Phîi Pong's tongue is sweet.
“Alright, it is clean now.”
Gasp!
I jolt violently when Phîi Pong suddenly says this with a pleasant smile. He straightens up to stand upright, acting as if the part where I imagined wanting to devour the jelly was my own imagination. He even opens his palm to show me the evidence that the liquid that was messy on it has been completely cleaned by the tip of his tongue.
Shit-lizard, shit-lizard, shit-lizard!!!
The flag is being raised on the pole!!!
Why do I feel like we just exchanged tongues?! And I savored it so deeply my tongue almost fell out, even though Phîi Pong just licked his lips like he had just eaten a delicious dessert!
Whoosh
“Le... Let go."
Why the hell is my voice trembling!!!
“Is Nong Gok alright?”
Don't ask me with such a kind face! I am a lustful youth, I am a perverted youth. A kind person like you (?) probably does not know how brilliant my imagination is.
“It is because of you.”
“Me?”
Don't play dumb! Don't act confused! Don't make me think these things alone!
“Yes, you! Let go, damn it! Let go, let go, let go, let go!”
Right now, don't blame me for jolting and shaking his hand off violently, like a heroine in a cheesy movie who is lying to the main lead saying 'don't touch me' while her heart is beating like crazy.
Don't you dare hold my hand behind my Mâe's back! I will really tell my Mâe.
“I have let go. I have let go. Do not shake so hard, you might hurt your wrist.”
Phîi Pong says to me with concern. But what is this gentle rubbing of my hand? Do you not know that I am a perverted youth? With just a little rub, a little touch, I get hard. And this thumb stroking my palm, pressing gently, it's sending shivers right to my lower abdomen.
“Then let go.”
I yell at him, my face dark then red. He does let go of my hand, but...
Sniff sniff
What is this?! He lifts his own hand to smell it, then looks up and tells me with a sincere face.
“Does Nong Gok use hand cream? It smells nice.”
His mouth touches the back of his own hand, but his eyes are staring at me, making me stand there gaping.
“I... I need to shit."
Don't say I am ruining the atmosphere. At this point, I need to escape, damn it! Whether it is needing to shit, needing to poop, needing to piss, I am ready for all of it. Just let me get away from this kind cake-shop guy who is making me think such bad things, really!
“The bathroom is over there.” Phîi Pong points, looking confused. I bite my lower lip before quickly turning and rushing straight in. But inevitably...
Whoosh
My face is as hot as if it could grill a chicken. I crane my neck out from the bathroom, both hands gripping the door tightly. I bite my lip again, then speak loudly, trying to cover my embarrassment.
“You should go wash your hands!!"
“Why?”
Is Phîi Pong really this dim-wit or is he pretending to be dim-wit?!
“I have crazy germs! I got them from a dog! Go wash your hands right now!"
This time, Phîi Pong smiles a little, his eyes sparkling like the same kind Phîi. But why do I feel something strange, like there's an underlying meaning?
“It is fine. I think I have been crazy since last week anyway.”
Last week was since you met me, right? And it seems Phîi Pong is afraid I do not understand, because he hammers it so deeply into my capillaries that: “Crazy thinking that someone's red face is quite nice to look at... right?”
Yaaakkkkkkkk! Don't 'right' me!
Slam!!!
Do not ask what I did. I just slammed the door in his face, damn it! I hold my own face firmly with both hands, screaming loudly in my head. And that damn mirror happens to be right in front of me, making me see that I...
How red my face is.
“Who is red-faced?! No! I am not red-faced!!!"
My mouth denies it, but the evidence is right before my eyes... my cheeks are red, very red, bright red.
Whoosh
“Huuu, it is all because of Mâe! If Mâe had not told me to return the shirt, I would not have to see my own cherry like this!!!”
Just by pulling the edge of my pants and looking down, I open my mouth, wanting to cry... It is really hard and red, damn it all!
By the time I calm my mind down, Phîi Pong has knocked and called for me several times. He is probably worried about whether I am alright. So I shamelessly yell that I am shitting. Yes, after doing something like that, shitting or farting is probably the utmost politeness I can show him.
While in reality, I am heavily reciting incantations.
Om, let the erected thing wither.
Om, let the hard thing soften.
Om, let the swollen thing deflate.
Om, let my thing be calm.
By the time it calms down, I have taken several deep breaths. Fortunately, this is a bathroom; the smell helps alleviate my desire a little. And once I see the cherry has retreated back into its shell, I smile brightly, dress neatly, think of an excuse to escape my shame, and what could be better than me needing to hurry home? It is dark now, my family will be worried... Word is you went to lounge around, scratching your nuts at Ai Ton's house for three or four days, and Mâe still didn't give a damn.
Whatever, this is my excuse. Who cares?
Arghhh
“I am going ho... "
“Nong Gok, you came out just in time. I made you a latte. Can you drink it?"
But before I can make my escape, Phîi Pong turns and smiles at me from the kitchen, interrupting my sentence with his kind-Phîi smile. His long legs stride closer, also holding a white mug. I just notice the fragrant smell of coffee permeating the entire room.
“I did not know if Nong Gok drinks coffee or not, so I made a latte.”
Ugh.
Okay, normally I am a person who eats sweet things. Therefore, coffee is definitely not my style because it is bitter. But there are exceptions, such as... a warm latte with steam wafting up, and with fine-textured milk foam floating on top like this, as if inviting me to taste it.
For me, a latte is not coffee; it is more like milk with a coffee scent. And I... like it.
“I do not drink coffee.”
“Oh... I see."
And why the hell are you making such a sad face?!
I have to try very hard to restrain myself forcefully, thinking I really need to escape now. But after I refuse, the handsome young man's neck droops. He looks at the mug in his hand and lets out a soft sigh.
“It is fine. I will just throw it away then.”
Slurp
“I... I can drink it for you. Consider this me not wanting you to waste your kindness!”
How can you throw it away? What a waste!
I complain loudly in my heart, and my hand is faster, because it grabs the mug and hugs it tightly. But I still talk tough, saying this is purely for your sake. And it makes... the wide smile return.
“Yes, good youth.”
Just praise me, fine! But you do not have to pat my head!
My heart just acts tough like that, because I avoid his gaze by lowering my head to sip the coffee. And, my Lord... is there anything this man makes that is not delicious?
I have drunk a lot of lattes (because I do not want to be teased by friends that I am in Matayom 6 and still cannot drink coffee), but this is the most delicious one I have ever had. Its taste has the richness of full-bodied milk, but with the aroma of coffee lingering in my nose. Not to mention the smoothness, so profound it is as if it was conjured rather than brewed, making it easy to drink. Even the fine-textured milk foam on top flows down my throat easily.
So fucking delicious!
The thought makes me lower my head to sip, and then sip again. Both hands hold the mug firmly, letting its warm steam hit my face until it feels warm. And my cheeks must be red for sure. Meanwhile, I am so focused on the delicious taste that I forget someone is still patting my head. Only when the delicious thing is reduced by almost half the mug do I lower my hands, look up at Phîi Pong with gleaming eyes.
“You brew a latte that is so damn delicious!”
This is coffee, so I am not pretending!
I tell him enthusiastically, inadvertently smiling so widely that all my teeth show. The person listening also laughs shyly.
“I will brew it for you again after dinner, alright.”
What dinner?
"Mhmm!"
My brain has not yet processed what it means, but my mouth agrees with a loud, firm sound. I even nod until my head shakes and wobbles, my eyes gleaming with hope. I do not even realize that I have already agreed to have dinner with him.
“But, are you going to pat my head for much longer?!" I start to become aware that he just keeps smiling and does not speak, so I tilt my head away, not wanting to look at the big hand. Because every time I look at it, the image reverses, like a scratched CD every time... the feeling of replaying when I do not want it.
“Hahaha, sorry. I got a little carried away. Oh, but does Nong Gok raise a dog too?”
“Yep, a Siberian. It is about a year old now. So damn handsome. It is a bit of a dim-wit, but it is cute.” When it comes to dogs, I boast.
“I like dogs too. I have wanted to raise one for a long time, but I used to travel often. I just settled down in Thailand recently, so I never had the chance to raise one.”
“Hmm, are you not Thai?”
Phîi Pong smiles at me, with an expression that is damn fond of me.
“I am Thai. But after graduation, I went for internships in several countries. I just came back to work in Thailand last year... But your mouth is messy.” Phîi Pong ends his own story just like that, and I do not really want to know more. It is like, I am not a person who likes to pry; I cannot even handle my own stuff.
Therefore, when he points to his own mouth to let me know my mouth is messy, I lick it snap.
Its softness tells me it is definitely milk foam.
Snap... snap...
“Is it all gone?” I raise my hand to touch the corner of my own mouth while licking, swiping left, swiping right. Phîi Pong laughs in his throat and reaches his hand towards my face.
“Hey! Stop! I can wipe it myself! Keep your hand far away from me!!!"
I swear I am not disgusted, but I am afraid! Yes, afraid of Phîi Pong's hand, damn it! Seriously, besides having the ability to measure ingredients accurately, was his hand previously a sex-awakening medicine or something? Every time it touches me, my symptoms show every time. Therefore, Phîi Pong's hand is one of the dangerous objects that I absolutely will not allow to touch me!
“Uh, I am sorry. I did not know you were disgusted.”
Hey, I said I am not disgusted!
Phîi Pong's smile disappears. His neck droops, and he speaks with a dry voice before stepping back another step. I am furious with myself because...
Slurp
“Argh! If you want to wipe it, then wipe it! Quickly!” I grab the hem of his shirt again, yelling. I want to slap my own mouth until it tears for choosing to be soft-hearted with this kind person. But because the other party smiles widely again, I... just let it be.
Just wiping my mouth, fine! What is there to be afraid of!
I only boast boldly in my heart. Because in reality, I lift my face, my mouth trembling, my eyes trembling, damn it, even my tongue trembles as I look up at the handsome man who looks as happy as if he just won the lottery. And because his eyes are too sincere, too serious, too concerned about me, I close my eyes to escape the damn guilty feeling.
Do not be kind to me, damn it! I just wanted to suck your finger an hour ago!
I close my eyes. I hear the sound of my heart beating until it is annoying. It is pounding so loudly I want to ask what the hell it is beating for. This is a man, a man. And he is several times handsomer than me. Just him wiping my mouth for me, think of it as a Mâe dog licking its pup's mouth (?) or something.
Oh, so it is messy right above the lip.
I can feel Phîi Pong wiping right at the indented corner above my lip. It is probably his thumb, because even with a light swipe, I feel it all over. But just as I am about to ask if it is finished, he...
Whoosh
Phîi Pong continues wiping the right corner of my mouth, making me frown. But it is nothing. However, because my eyes are closed... I feel strange.
I do not think he thinks anything of me. He probably does not have a Nong, so he is especially fond of me. Therefore, he probably genuinely wants to wipe it for me. But the way he is overly fond of me, using his warm finger to swipe my lower lip, rubbing it gently, then switching to my upper lip, then both swiping and stroking and kneading, and ending with a light rub, it makes me... my heart is about to fail.
Why does Phîi Pong wipe my mouth so skillfully?
I really feel shivers. It is a throbbing in my lower abdomen when he rubs my lips with his finger, until I inadvertently part my lips slightly. Which causes...
Squish
I open my eyes wide at this. Phîi Pong's thumb comes in and touches my teeth, swiping onto the inside of my lip. My body trembles slightly. My breath becomes a little faster and also burning hot. I do not understand why I feel like this either, until a late-night TV show flashes into my head.
Humans have more sensitive erogenous glands on the lips than on the neck...
“It is all gone now."
Phîi Pong bends down to look at me, sending the same kind smile as before. I can only look up at him. But why are my legs trembling?!
“Why are your eyes so glossy? Hmm, do you have a fever?”
No, I do not have a fever. Something else is rising!
Phîi Pong does not just ask. He also leans in closer to my face. His thumb is still kneading against my gums. And from this distance, suddenly a crazy thought flashes into my head...
I am about to be kissed!
“Let me check your temperature for a moment."
How are you going to check?
I think I ask out loud, but actually, I only ask in my mind. As I look into the pair of sharp, still eyes, and he is leaning in... coming in... Ah, why is Phîi Pong licking his own lips?
Whatever, Phîi Pong's tongue... looks so suckable.
Gasp!
Suddenly, I jolt violently. I feel as if an invisible hand is yanking me back to stand in the world of reality. This makes me pull myself away from the other party urgently. Both legs step back several steps. My hands rise to cover my mouth. My eyes are wide open as if I have seen a ghost. While the other party... turns to look at the phone placed on the kitchen counter.
“Nong Gok seems to have a fever. I will get you some medicine. Let me take this call quickly.”
Is Phîi Pong just damn normal or am I the one who is extremely abnormal?!
Just now I thought he was going to kiss me. But the demeanor of the person who walks off to answer the call acts as if nothing happened, telling me I thought too much. He probably just wanted to check my temperature for sure. I, damn it, imagined crazy, stupid things all by myself. I can only gasp for air, filling my lungs, but my heart is still beating so hard it almost jumps out of my chest.
This is not good! Thinking dirty about a man like this is not good!
I might be able to handle the lust that wants to lick the main lead in an AV, but I have never wanted to do it with a real person. This is the first time my secret is causing trouble. It is probably because Phîi Pong is a cake shop owner, always carrying a sweet scent with him. So I... am susceptible.
“Yes, yes. I will deliver it right to your place. Give me half an hour.”
I turn to look at the homeowner's face just as he also turns to look at me, forcing me to quickly avert my eyes.
“I am sorry, Nong Gok. Can you wait for about half an hour? I need to deliver this cake first, then I will come back.”
“Yes!"
Do not say I am speaking rudely to an older person. But I am really trembling.
I feel like I am in the midst of a harsh summer, just sitting hugging my knees on the sofa, not even daring to look back at Phîi Pong. I bow my head, tucking my chin close to my knees, because honestly... I have just encountered a real, physical lustful urge.
Crack
“Take the fever medicine too. I will hurry back."
I do not dare look at Phîi Pong's face. I can only look at his hand placing the medicine and another glass of water on the table. His other hand holds a boxed cake from the shop, wrapped and tied with a beautiful bow. But at this moment, I damn well do not want to know what cake he made. I only know... when will you leave the room? I need to escape!
Phîi Pong stands for a moment as if to say something, but then turns and walks out of the room. I hear the soft sound of the door closing. I still do not move.
10... 9... 8... 7...
I sit counting down in my heart. No, not reciting incantations to calm my mind. I am counting down to ten seconds to make sure he has really left, that he definitely cannot hear my wailing.
At this point, I do not care whose house this is. I open my mouth wide, grab a cushion and pound it, thump thump thump, as if wanting to stop the chills trembling through myself. It does not feel like the excitement of a twisting stomach, or shyness. It is really trembling. Small beads of sweat are flowing down my back, sending heat rushing up to my face through my blood. And...
The sensation of the finger lingering in my mouth is extremely vivid.
Whoosh
“This will not do! I, Gok, may be lustful, but I, Gok, must not have any more secrets than this!”
I do not want the secret of "desiring" a man who smells like sweet desserts. I stand up to my full height, grab my backpack, and make a move to rush out of the room, but my gaze accidentally catches... the bowl of whipped cream left on the kitchen counter.
Is this whipped cream or a hypnotist?! Why are my legs moving towards it?!
I stride towards it, ignoring the candle box placed next to the bowl. I am only interested in the white, fluffy cream inside. And I... want to eat it again.
“Fine! I will not come again. I have to eat my fill!”
I tell myself firmly, while scooping a full finger of whipped cream, and then...
Slurp
“It is good.” I suck my finger loudly, slurp, sliding the cream into my mouth until it is all gone. It should end just there. But no... the memory from an hour ago returns again.
The feeling when I was sucking someone else's finger. Just thinking... it gives me a small throb, until I have to grab the bowl and sink down to sit on the floor, turning my back to the kitchen counter.
“Just once. Once. Just cleaning up before Phîi Pong comes back. Make an excuse, damn it, say the cream spilled so you threw it away.” I finish finding an excuse, look down at the cloudy whiteness stuck in the bowl, and feel like it is calling to me. It wants me to eat it, wants me to suck it, wants me to smear it into my mouth, until...
I scoop it onto two full fingers and slide it again... and again...
Not right.
I feel like something is missing. I feel it is not as thrilling as before, until I have to... close my eyes.
I do not want to be a perverted youth, but sucking my own finger does not feel like anything. But when I close my eyes and imagine my finger belongs to someone else... Okay, okay, not someone else. Phîi Pong's face just floats into my head.
I feel the sweet softness, the richness, and it starts to become lewd. Just thinking that I am sucking Phîi Pong's finger, my heart beats hard. A soft, panting sound is in my throat as I scoop more cream and push my finger into my mouth again. I use it to push against the roof of my mouth, back and forth, sweeping everywhere, thrusting into my cheek pouch. And I can only feel one word... Good!
It is very good. So good that it... hardens.
The thought makes me move my other hand to the waistband of my pants, slowly pulling them to open wider, just enough for my hand to slip in. The touch passes through my lower abdomen, causing a throb that makes me tense up. My mouth is still sucking my finger, until saliva flows and messes up my palm. But this second, the same symptom comes... damn it all.
Damn it all, I just want to, damn it!
I slip my hand in, but almost going deep, I hesitate. I open my eyes a little, look at the whipped cream again.
Ugh!
“Mâe, it is not that you taught me poorly. But I, Gok, damn it... am truly an evil-person by my own actions.”
I scoop cream with my other hand. Well, an empty hand is not as thrilling as a slippery aid. Then I reach into my pants again. My mouth sucks the finger very hard, and I stroke my lower abdomen...
“Mhmm, ah... "
I let out a faint moan from my throat. I would probably enjoy it like many nights before. However...
“Nong Gok, what are you doing? Why are you sitting ther... "
Whoosh.
I think God really is not on my side, because suddenly I hear a voice from above my head. When I open my eyes and look up, my neck almost strains, I find that... Phîi Pong is leaning over with a stunned expression.
“Wh... wh... wh... why... "
Why did you say half an hour!!!
My tongue is not short, but only that kind of sound escapes me. Phîi Pong raises his own hand to show me the candle box.
“I forgot the candle box. So I came back to get it. I did not think... "
I am trembling so much I almost collapse. I can only think in my heart...
My secret is out. My secret is out... shit-lizard, the secret of Gok for many years is out... now...
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