Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
Perspective Gok
“Phîi Pong! Phîi Pong, listen to Gok first!!!”
I drop everything behind me and run after Phîi Pong with all my might. I yank the restaurant door open and charge in, not caring who is looking at me. Even though school just let out, there aren't many youths in the shop. But even if it were packed, at this moment, I do not care what anyone thinks of me.
However, Phîi Pong... does not even turn to look at me.
“Wait a moment.”
“Get out of my way, Wá!!!”
At that very moment, my arch-nemesis appears... Âi Phîi Khai.
The person who comes to block me from the door to the back kitchen has the same deadpan face as always, but in that second, I think he is feeling smug, he is mocking me, he is looking at me in the moment when everything is shattering before my eyes, until I... cry.
“Get out of my way, you psycho, Wá!!!” I scream right in his face, which makes him... reach out and touch my cheek.
Smack!!
I slap his hand away with full force, staggering back in shock, until I meet that same pair of coldly-aloof eyes.
“Stop crying first.” Khai says.
“Don’t you fucking mess with me! Get lost!!!”
“If I get lost, what will you say to Pong?” he asks me in that cold tone I have never liked one bit, forcing me to clench my fists tightly because I do not know what to say either. I just wave my hands frantically over my face, wiping away the tears that have soaked it completely, while Âi Phîi Khai continues speaking in that slow, deep voice I hate with all my heart.
“If you don’t know what to say, you should just go back.”
“Don’t you fucking mess... don’t you fucking mess with me!!!” I sob out, wanting to push him away, but I have no strength left. I can only stand still, swatting away my tears.
“I don’t want to mess with you…” Khai says with absolute coldness.
Then just get the fuck out of my way, Wá!!!
“But I don’t want to see anyone sad.”
Thud.
I freeze. I lift my head and meet Âi Phîi Khai's gaze, and I find he is still staring at me with his usual troublesome expression, but his eyes seem to have softened, forcing me to sneer.
“You want to see me sad, don’t you!!!”
“No, I told you, I don’t want to see anyone sad. Neither Pong... nor Gok.” It is the first time he calls me by my name, before he lets out a long sigh and mumbles something I can barely hear.
“It’s so damn difficult to have to explain things at length.”
I want to scream in his face to just get the fuck out of my way, Wá, get out, let me see Phîi Pong, but he says something that makes me pause.
“Happiness doesn’t come easily.”
I do not understand. I do not know what he means. I can only take a deep breath and find I am almost choking on my own snot. And at that very moment, Âi Phîi Khai turns to pull out a tissue to wipe my tears, forcing me to snatch it and hold it myself. I do not want to get any closer to this adversary of mine. But then...
“People can’t have everything they want. Sometimes happiness has to come with choices.... Has Gok chosen yet?”
At this moment, I stare at him silently, feeling like I am listening to something important.
“If you choose your friends, then turn around and go back. But if you are ready to give everything in your life to one person, I will step aside.”
This might be the longest sentence I have ever heard from him, forcing me to clench my fists, about to shout 'what do you know,' if not for Âi Phîi Khai speaking up in his calm, cool voice.
“Âi Pong is willing to abandon everything for Gok. If Gok isn’t prepared to abandon everything for him.... then just stop here.”
"Na...no."
I shake my head, tears flowing. Just thinking about having to lose Phîi Pong makes me cry uncontrollably.
“I’ll ask you again. Does Gok choose to care about his friends, care about himself, or care about Pong?”
Phîi Khai asks and then waits silently, without pressure. He just stands still, blocking the path between me and the entrance door. Those cold, emotionless eyes stare straight at me, but this time, I might be so weak that I think Phîi Khai is looking at me with a sympathetic, gentle gaze, and understands just how sad I am.
“But I will tell Gok that Pong... cares about Gok the most.”
“Hic... Huuuuuuuuuuuuu.” The words make me sob with all my strength. Tears stream down my cheeks, snot runs into my mouth. It is not a good look, it is disgusting and wretched. But Phîi Khai just looks at me silently, waiting to hear my answer. I do not need to think with my brain, I do not need to decide with my heart, I do not need to wait for my mouth to make the decision, because...
“Phîi, Phîi Pong... Gok cares about Phîi Pong... the most... I care about Phîi Pong...”
Everything in Nai Gawin's body is united, choosing just one man.
Phîi Khai gives a slight smile. Even though I see it as a sinister, evil smirk, I just now understand that this is Phîi Khai’s smile.
As he steps aside, he just tells me… "Good luck."
In that second, I realize Phîi Khai is not my adversary. No, not at all. He is the encouragement that makes me rush into the back of the shop with all the hope I possess that Phîi Pong will listen to me, that Phîi Pong will listen to this little one who has already made one monumental mistake, hoping to get a second chance.
"Phîi Pong!!"
Phîi Pong is sitting motionless in front of the oven, looking up at the still-active oven and the unfinished cake baking inside. But it will not be sold today. The person who does not even turn to look at me for a second, who just sits still there, until I have to rush to him.
“Phîi Pong, Gok wants to apolo...”
I swallow all the words about to leave my mouth because Phîi Pong... is crying.
Tears from the chef who is looking up at the oven, until clear drops flow down to the tip of his chin, and that almost shatters my heart.
I hurt Phîi Pong.... The one who did it is me, not Âi Pae! The one who said the most hurtful things to Phîi Pong, who made him the saddest, is me.
Thwump.
“Phîi Pong, Gok is sorry. Gok is sorry. Please forgive Gok. Gok spoke without thinking. Gok is sorry, hic... I'm sorry.... Phîi Pong, don't... hic.... don't cry... please... don't cry...” I use both arms to hug Phîi Pong's body, but he does not move, does not turn to look, just sits motionless as before, until my heart aches.
"Gok... Gok spoke without thinking. Gok is sorry. Gok... hic... cared about himself too much. I was afraid... afraid no one would be my friend, afraid my friends would abandon me... so Gok said he wasn't involved with Phîi Pong, that it was over. Gok is sorry. Gok won't say things like that again... hic... forgive... please forgive Gok... please... give Gok a chance.” I beg and plead for him to forgive me, but Phîi Pong just... smiles.
A sad smile that hurts me even more.
“I’m not angry at Nong Gok at all.”
“Then... then forgive.....”
“But I am angry at myself.”
Thud.
I swallow all my words. I look up at Phîi Pong with wide eyes, and that allows me to see the utterly dry eyes of someone who has experienced the ultimate disappointment.
“I’m angry that I loved us too much, without saving any thought for the possibility that this day would happen.”
"Hic."
I cannot speak. There are only tears gushing from my eyes. The two arms hugging Phîi Pong almost fall limp due to gravity, but I grit my teeth.
In that second, I cling tightly to him.
“Na...no, it won’t happen again. I promise. Gok promises.”
“Don’t make promises like that. Nong Gok is still a youth. Your future holds so many things waiting for you. Don’t promise things you don’t know.” Phîi Pong turns to me, his eyes still dry, but he still gives me the same warm smile as always, forcing me to reach out and wipe his face for him, my hands shaking because I do not want Phîi Pong to cry.
“No! Gok doesn’t care about the future. Gok cares about Phîi Pong!” I stammer out the words. I do not know what my future will be like, but right now, I care about this person the most.
“Gok doesn’t care anymore what my friends think of me. To hell with it. To hell with all of it. If they curse me, if they are disgusted, if they cut me off as a friend, I don’t care. Hic... Hic... Gok only cares about Phîi Pong. I will only worry about..... Phîi Pong’s feelings. Gok will.... will not care about... myself anymore.” I keep trying even though I am sobbing with all my strength, terrified that Phîi Pong will let go of me.
No, just thinking about it scares me more than being cut off by my friends.
“Please don’t say things like that…”
“Gok will say it! I will say everything. I will tell you everything. Gok.... is just a youth... who is afraid of being abandoned... just a youth who is afraid that you and my Phô... won’t love me. You wanted Gok to be manly, you wanted Gok to be tough, Gok... had to do it. Gok was friends with them because I wanted... everyone to accept me. Gok is just... a show-off who has nothing... good about him at all. But Gok knows now, they aren’t friends... friends don’t hurt each other like this. But Phîi Pong.... you are the important person... that Gok chose himself..."
I realize in that second what my life up until now has really been like.
I never admit to anyone that I like sweets because it seems unmanly.
I never admit to anyone that I don’t actually like getting into fights because I’m afraid of not being accepted.
I never show my true self because I don’t want to disappoint the people around me.
I am just a show-off who tries to stay in a position everyone accepts.
Everything is something I never chose for myself, not a single thing. But...
“Phîi Pong... is the only person in Gok’s life... that I chose... Gok chose himself... chose to love you... care about you... Gok doesn’t care about other people’s opinions anymore. I don’t care anymore... Gok will be myself...”
Is this what Phîi Khai asked me?
Am I ready to choose?
“Phîi Pong.... Gok loves you... I love you.”
I have chosen... I choose to love this man.
The thought makes me hug Phîi Pong’s neck tighter, bending down until my tears drop onto his cheek.
“Believe Gok.... please believe this.”
Believe that I love and care about you the most.
I pour everything out, making eye contact with Phîi Pong, who is listening intently. The person who still is not smiling at me, the person who is not hugging me back, the person who sits still as if feeling nothing. This brief moment feels as long as an eternity, and I am terrified to my core that Phîi Pong will not forgive me.
Sigh.
Until...
“I believe.... I always believe Nong Gok."
Phîi Pong reaches out to gently wipe my tears away, then moves his hands to hold me tighter.
“Whether you are telling the truth or lying to make me feel better, I believe Nong Gok.”
"Na...no, I'm not lying. Gok is telling the truth. Gok... Gok has never lied to Phîi Pong.” I hold onto Phîi Pong's arms firmly and continue speaking quickly.
“Gok... will do anything. Gok agrees... to do anything to make Phîi Pong believe.”
“Even agreeing to do it with me in front of your friends?”
Jolt.
I open both eyes wide, looking at the person who uttered that unbelievable sentence, but Phîi Pong shakes his head...
“I’m joking...."
“I agree!!!” Instantly, the word escapes me loudly. I stand up quickly to... unbutton my school shirt.
“Gok... Gok will call Âi Pae, will tell him that Phîi Pong is involved with Gok. I will make him see.... everything...” I do not care what anyone says, what anyone thinks of me anymore. I yank my school shirt off, throw it to the floor swiftly, and make a move to take off my school pants next, but...
Thwump.
“Nong Gok, I was joking! I would never allow us to be seen like that by anyone!” Phîi Pong grabs my hand instead, looks up to meet my eyes, and says in a strong voice.
Huh?
“I believe you. I believe everything Nong Gok says. No matter what Nong Gok says, I will always believe it."
The words almost make me sob... Is Phîi Pong thinking that even if I lie, he will believe me?
Deep down, has Phîi Pong still not forgiven me?
The thought makes me pull my hand back to swiftly take off my school pants, to declare with firm resolution.
“Phîi Pong... let Gok atone for my sin. Let Gok do anything... Punish Gok. Punish Gok so I won’t dare do that again.” I agree to let Phîi Pong do anything, no matter how rough, punish me any way he wants, humiliate me as much as he wants, as long as Phîi Pong believes I will not say things that hurt him like that again.
“Nong Gok doesn’t have to...."
"Please."
I beg, and Phîi Pong closes his eyes, then makes a decision and speaks. “Then... may I ask Nong Gok to pleasure himself for me to see?”
Buzz buzz buzz buzz.
This time, even having sex in front of my friends I would agree to, let alone just pleasuring myself.
***
“Nong Gok, open your legs wider, please.”
"Uh."
Fwip.
Right now, the word 'embarrassing' is probably insufficient. Because pleasuring myself for Phîi Pong isn't just about me unzipping my pants for him to look. It is about me climbing up to lie back on the stainless steel table once used for decorating cakes, while my two hands are tied behind my back with Phîi Pong's scarf, and my two legs.... are spread wide open, almost to a hundred and eighty degrees.
The posture makes Phîi Pong see everything of me: the middle part of my torso hanging upside down, or the narrow channel that is slowly clenching because of the sharp gaze directed at it.
“I... Is this enough...."
I ask in a trembling voice, because I am extremely embarrassed, since I have no idea if the customers outside are gone yet, or if they are, Phîi Phaem or Phîi Khai could come in at any moment. But... I will not protest a single word.
If Phîi Pong wants me to be humiliated to make up for hurting him... I agree.
“Hmm, go ahead.” Phîi Pong says flatly, forcing me to just look up at him.
“Bu... but Gok can't reach.” I am tied behind my back, there is no way I can reach the front. But...
Fwump.
"Ah!!!"
Phîi Pong uses a spatula meant for spreading cake icing to touch me right there. The cold sensation makes my whole body jolt. I arch my hips up uncontrollably. Moreover, Phîi Pong uses its rounded tip to pry my narrow hole open wider, then says calmly.
“Nong Gok only has to do it right here.”
“Ah... I...” Phîi Pong gently strokes it along the groove of my buttocks, making me shiver coldly.
“Faster, please.” But there is no time to protest because the urging tone makes me reach my hand towards the crevice of my body. Even though I have washed there myself sometimes, I have never once pleasured myself there, so I can only rub my finger lightly over the small hole, while Phîi Pong is using the tip of the spatula to spread something over the middle part of my shaft.
The cold makes me tingle, until it slowly hardens. But...
“Phîi... Phîi Pong.... it hurts..."
The channel in the back, with no lubricant, is like a stiff engine without oil. Just slowly inserting a finger makes me feel the tightly sealed entrance. But Phîi Pong does not say anything. Instead, he...
“It’s Nong Gok’s duty to do it himself.” The usually easy-going big guy means he is still angry, forcing me to brace myself...
“Haaaaa!!!!” The tip of my index finger goes in. I feel the friction that makes me shake my head violently. But...
Fwip.
“Ah.... More...” The cake maker is using the same spatula on my nipple, forcing me to shake my head the other way, arching my chest up like a bow, while he uses the rounded tip to flick it back and forth, kneading it until my whole body tingles, especially the front part which is slowly moving to stand straight.
“Ha, Ah, Hic."
“Your nipple is hard now.” Phîi Pong just says that, while using the tip of the cold object on my other nipple. Just bending down to see him flicking around the areola before gently rubbing the nipple itself makes me moan and shudder. My nipples are so sensitive, my stomach is so sensitive, and the small hole is so sensitive, until I spread my legs even wider.
This time, Phîi Pong runs the cold tip along the flat of my stomach, forcing me to look down at it fearfully, mixed with anticipation. The thing just gliding over my stomach makes me jolt all over. I arch my hips up without thinking, feeling the inside twisting and cramping up, and I.... push my index finger all the way in.
“Your sensitive spot is near the front. Find it.” Phîi Pong does not use a kind tone at all, but a command that makes me try to curl my finger, try to find that spot, even though...
"Gasp!!! Ah!!! It's... sensitive... it's sensitive...."
“It’s getting wet now.”
Phîi Pong uses the tip of the spatula to trail up to the middle of my shaft, gliding over my two balls, up along the shaft that is standing straight according to its form, until it reaches the crimson-red tip where... precum is starting to smear, sticking to the spatula until it's sticky.
Squelch squelch squelch.
“Ha, Ah, Phîi Pong, more, more, don’t rub..... don't... Huuuuuu."
“Are you going to finish with just this? That’s too easy.” I moan raggedly, the sound echoing around the kitchen, as Phîi Pong uses the flat side of the spatula to rub back and forth over the crimson-red head of my shaft, until I thrash around like a fish out of water. My legs spread wider, my hips arch up higher in a shameless manner, and he... lets go.
Whoosh.
I collapse onto the table immediately, when I see from the corner of my eye Phîi Pong walking to open the refrigerator.
“Don’t stop your hand.” Even though he does not turn back, he orders. I take a deep breath and then slowly move my finger, rubbing along the grooved crevice to make it relax. I breathe deeply, but...
“I’ll help you then.”
Swoosh... Squeeeeze.
“Aaaaaaaa!!! Cold.... it's cold... cold Huuuuuuuuuuu.” I moan out at the top of my voice, thrashing wildly, eyes wide open, when suddenly a cold object is inserted into my hole. Before I can even look down, the cold substance is squirted inside until it overflows, becoming... white, pure fresh cream.
“Phîi, Phîi Pong, St-stop, I... that's enough, it's overflowing, more... it's full... inside... Ah.” I try to speak, still thrashing almost to death, as the thing inserted is the tip of a piping bag, and the thing filling the narrow channel until it is completely packed is the fresh cream I love to eat so much.
The fullness makes me almost breathless. I can only clench tightly, until it gushes out every time, to the point where the groove of my buttocks is completely wet and sticky.
Cream melts from heat, and right now it is melting inside until it is soggy and wet.
Squelch.
“Don’t stop your hand.” Phîi Pong just says that one thing, making me look at him blearily.
"Hurry!!!"
Squelch squelch squelch squelch.
“Ah, it's s-slippery, Uh, it's wet, it's all wet... now, Phîi... Phîi Pong, Ha!!!!”
I immediately move the finger inserted inside rapidly, feeling the cream gushing out each time, with my legs trying to grip the table, pushing my hips up to move more forcefully.
I throw my head back, tears in my eyes looking at the ceiling, as the pleasure assaults my body. I bite my lips tightly, wanting to hold back my cries, but it is no use. Every time I push my finger into the narrow hole, I let out an uncontrollable cry. My hand is also uncontrollable because it is thrusting in deeply.
“Looks like Nong Gok enjoys pleasuring himself.”
Phîi Pong whispers, and then....
Snap.
“Ah, don't... don't... don't..."
No, I cannot stop Phîi Pong from taking a ribbon and tying it around my wet, sticky shaft.
Phîi Pong ties it tightly, so tight I am sure there is no way I can finish, so...
Smack!!
“Harder than that!”
Phîi Pong spanks my buttock with full force, making me gasp and jolt, opening my mouth to let out a large wave of moans. Both hands work together to push fingers into the inner channel; now four fingers are inside.
“Gasp.... Ah, Ha... I... I... can't take it..."
“Suck it.” At that very moment, Phîi Pong moves to stand by my head to... pull his son out.
Since the day I secretly watched Phîi Pong's, I still haven't seen it clearly with my own eyes, not even once. But it is now positioned right in front of my mouth.... the large piece of meat that creates thrilling sensations.
Phîi Pong's world is both bigger and thicker than mine, and darker in color. It is extremely hard, just looking at it you can see the veins bulging along the shaft, not to mention the patch of dark hair covering it. All of it does not make me afraid, but I... lick my lips.
Slurp.
I open my mouth a little to suck gently on the dark, broad head.
A strange taste but... addictive.
I can taste the saltiness, the gaminess, the scent that wafts to touch the tip of my nose. Everything I should be afraid of, but I am not. On the contrary, the smell of Phîi Pong, the taste of Phîi Pong, and the hardness rubbing against my lips make me want to taste more, crave to suck and drink, want to lick until Phîi Pong bursts in my mouth.
My desires overflow, but before I can do anything...
Shove.
Gasp!!!!!!!!!
I jolt violently, almost choking, when Phîi Pong grabs my head, tilting it towards him, and pushes in until it reaches my throat.
The size is more than I can take. Now I cannot breathe. My tears flow. There is only the taste of Phîi Pong permeating my entire mouth. My body tries to struggle, but Phîi Pong does not pity me one bit. On the contrary, he is moving his hips in and out as he pleases, rubbing the tip and shaft against my throat forcefully.
Thwump.
“Stop your hand now.”
“Aaaaaa!!!” I jolt violently when Phîi Pong moves his other hand to twist my nipple. Even though it should hurt, my entire body instead tingles intensely. The mouth that should be struggling for air instead purses together and sucks on Phîi Pong's thing with full force.
The heat and hardness make me unable to endure.
“Do you like it, Nong Gok?”
I cannot speak anymore. I only know that I am moving my neck even though I am lying in an uncomfortable position, to both suck and lick, to take Phîi Pong in. My hand below is moving so forcefully it scares me, but at that moment I do not care. I... just want to suck Phîi Pong's thing.
The desire almost reaches its peak, until...
“That’s enough, please.” Phîi Pong instead pulls out of my mouth, making me try to follow it to lick it again, but a large hand grabs my shoulder and holds me down. Then he brings that part to press against my cheek, and...
Phîi Pong lifts a camera and takes a picture of me at my most extreme.
“If Nong Gok ever says you are not involved with me again, should I post this picture on our school's bulletin board?”
I do not answer because I am focused solely on the large, thick part stroking past my nose, forcing me to inhale its scent deeply. At this moment, I agree to let Phîi Pong do anything, if Phîi Pong will give me this thing.
“Phîi Pong... put it in... I beg you... I can't take it... Gok's hole... wants it, wants you to thrust in... deeply, thrust in, pound in... I want Phîi Pong to fill me tight... in my hole, Please, I... I can't take it... I can't take it anymore... I want.... I want it so much... take Gok... take Gok hard..." I speak almost incoherently, begging in a trembling voice, while spreading the narrow channel wide open, feeling the cream that has melted into liquid flowing out slowly.
The desire gushes forth and will not stop until Phîi Pong gives it.
“Take Gok.... take Gok... take Gok hard and shoot inside... fill me... your fluid... I want... to have it.... I let saliva flow in a strand down the corner of my mouth, moaning loudly, trying to extend my tongue to lick that hard part, which Phîi Pong pulls back to stand looking at my feet.
“I will give it, but promise me first..."
“Uh uh uh, quickly... quickly..."
I promise without even listening, until Phîi Pong smiles....
“Nong Gok must be mine alone forever.”
“Uhhhh, quickly... put it in... hard... Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!"
The second I answer, I scream out loud, echoing in the kitchen, when.... the hot rod of meat thrusts in all the way to the hilt in one go.
Phîi Pong holds both my feet, spreads them wide, and thrusts deep to the hilt, until the upper part of my body thrashes wildly. I moan unintelligibly, just crying out for more, I want more, as if my consciousness is zero. My brain cannot think of anything else anymore, I only know that if I do not get Phîi Pong right now, this instant, I will surely die from heartbreak.
“More, harder, more, thrust, more... more... Gasp.....
I whisper like a shameless youth, pleading and begging for Phîi Pong to do it. The hard strength pounds in forcefully until the sound echoes, the table legs shake everywhere, but I do not care. I want more... I want more of Phîi Pong... I want all of him, both body and heart.
“Does Nong Gok love me?”
"Lo...love..."
"How much?"
"Love... the most... more... give me more..."
“Do you love me enough to abandon other things for me?”
“I agree... I agree... I agree now... I agree to everything... I agree to everything Phîi Pong says... give me more... harder... take Gok... more..."
Right now, I accept everything, every matter. It is not just about this kind of thing. I know now that I agree to Phîi Pong so much that I will let him do anything to me. As long as Phîi Pong loves me, holds me, cares about me, accepts everything that I am, I agree to everything to the point that I think if I were to lose Phîi Pong, I would surely die.
Right now I.... am more addicted to Phîi Pong than anything else in this world. To the point that.... I agree to let him do anything he wants to me.
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