Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Gok
I am not jealous. I am not possessive. I am not a youth. I am nineteen already.
Grab
I may truly be the type whose mouth and heart do not match. Because my heart constantly tells myself that I am nineteen already, I am grown up already, and if according to the law, I can do many things without it being wrong already. But my two hands are squeezing and crumpling my backpack until it is misshapen. I stare with wide eyes at the dessert shop that is full of customers of the age that thirsts for men. And I can only say one thing.
“I should go home.”
“Why is that?”
Today is the last day of exams. I finished my exams ages ago. I just guessed and filled in the blanks enough to pass, as long as my grades are not terrible. Then I went to play football with that Âi Pae and his gang. But when I was tired and about to go home, that Graphic and his science major friends finished their exams just in time, and Janjao came straight to find me to ask…
“Let’s go eat dessert to relieve stress.”
I almost snatched Janjao’s arm off, afraid my friend would slip and that those shit-lizard would find out I am with Phîi Pong. So now I am here with the couple, looking extremely wary, only to find the entire shop… packed to the brim.
Several days have passed, and they are still not done being excited?!
I am inside the shop, but I think I should change my mind, go back, and hug my Moo instead. Lately, he has been looking especially mopey; coming here will only make me pointlessly annoyed. But… Janjao is holding my hand tightly.
“Are you jealous?”
No! I tell myself.
“Yes!!!” I confess.
My eyes are glaring, Khrap. My mouth spoke first. I confess because my gaze… is fixed on the counter.
The desserts in the display case today are somewhat more plentiful than usual. Phîi Pong called to say he had to wake up earlier than normal to prepare, and he probably prepared a lot, so today he can come out to help Phîi Pam at the front. But over there… that beautiful young woman smiling sweetly at him probably does not just want to eat dessert. She likely wants to eat the baker.
Yes, I know the baker is bloody fucking extremely delicious, but I will not allow it!!!!
That Graphic went to buy drinks. As soon as I get mine, I suck hard to vent my feelings, squeezing the straw until it is bent out of shape. I clench my jaw tightly, staring unblinkingly at that Phîi, until…
“I know why Gok is named Gok.”
“Why!” I did not mean to snap, but it came out on its own, making Graphic's romantic partner laugh softly.
"Well… because you are possessive."
“That is not it at all!” I say through gritted teeth in a strong voice, turning to stare at the teaser with intent because I am really annoyed. I do not like being teased when my cake shop Phîi is smiling at someone else like this.
“Gok is named Gok because Phîi is named Guide. My Mâe said they both start with G. That is the only reason.”
“Do not get so upset. I know you are jealous, but what can you do? Your Phîi Pong has to sell things.” Graphic himself tells me in a calming tone because I am staring sharply at Janjao as if she is the one stealing my things, making me let out a heavy sigh. I can no longer deny that I am not jealous.
Before this, even when I was just a customer, Phîi Pong was only kind to me, only cared about me, only warm to me. Look at now. Am I not Phîi Pong's romantic partner? Instead of getting Phîi to... ahem, penetrate... ahem, pay attention... Yes, that is right, to me alone, why does he have to spare time for those bloodthirsty Phîis too!!!!
“See, and Phîi Pong is only interested in Gok.”
I turn to look where Janjao points and see Phîi Pong raising his hand to greet us, smiling in this direction, and pointing to the dessert display case as if asking if we want to eat anything. And the result is... I turn my face away.
Not a youth. Not a youth anymore. I am nineteen.
“Gok, Phîi Pong looks dejected.”
"..." I do not answer. If I yell, Graphic will tease me to death again, so I turn toward the shop wall and see.
“Graphic, what is that behind you?” I narrow my eyes, making my friend turn to look, and then I read it out for him.
“Notice: Hiring Part-Time Staff.”
“Here! Gok, you should work here!” Janjao turns to tell me immediately. My heart agrees, you know. But after stopping to think for several seconds, I slowly shake my head.
“It will not work. Someone like me cannot do it.” I am not making excuses for myself, you know. But because I know well that I am not the hardworking type; making me work for many hours straight is impossible. Also, because I love sweet things so much, believe me, I would secretly put desserts in my mouth every time I am free. And if I put them in my mouth, my lower part has a reactive response, then it is all over. There might be news of a horny part-time worker getting an erection in a dessert shop.
Even though lately Phîi Pong's desserts do not affect me as much, it does not mean it is completely cured. And the same reason: my parents give me more than enough spending money. There is no need for me to work. If I meet friends, I cannot explain it away. Saying I want to gain experience is not like someone like me at all. So, this point is out.
“Hmm. Should I try?” But then Janjao murmurs, making me turn to make eye contact.
“Do not look at me like that. I am not thinking anything about Phîi Pong, not one bit.” How am I staring at Janjao? She is quickly waving her hands in denial like this. “I am just saving money for a trip. I plan to tutor after starting university, but if I do it now, I will get money faster.”
“What about tutoring classes?” Graphic argues, making his romantic partner sigh.
“That is right. During a break like this, there are only courses from morning till evening every day.”
“Then why does not Graphic pay for it?” I ask, puzzled. Graphic's family is immensely rich. His relative's house we went to that day was like a mansion. Paying for his romantic partner's trip is not too burdensome at all. And that makes Janjao laugh.
“Are you crazy? I will not take it. Do you see me as some kind of little-girl?”
“Janjao will not take it. I have asked many times, and she just will not take it.”
“Oh, Graphic. A trip abroad? I will not let Graphic pay that much. If Phîi Pakin found out, he would tear my chest open and I would die.” I lose interest in them. As I said, I am not a picky person; I cannot even handle my own affairs, so I do not think to bother with others' business. But while I am staring at the job application notice…
“Go for it. A chance to get close to the super handsome Phîi. He might grill you like in the novels.”
What novel? I will go set the publishing house on fire!
The table next to us seems to be juniors from our school. Those two or three young women are then whispering excitedly, pointing and inviting each other toward Phîi Pong, who is calculating a customer's bill. I hope that Moo manages to have offspring, damn it! It is not just one table looking. Many tables, Khrap, and many people are staring at the job application notice with sparkling eyes!!
Do not you dare use the opportunity that I cannot use!!!!
Right now, what I want to do most is burn down that Ann person's publishing office!
You can fall for Phîi Pong, but you cannot expose Phîi Pong to the public, understand? Phîi Pong is mine! Phîi Pong's smile is mine! And even Phîi Pong's sperm is mine!!!!
***
"I will go home.”
“Nong Gok, do not be sulky yet. Just a moment, I will take you home later."
I am on break now. And today, I just happened to, I confirm again that I just happened to be passing by this area, so I came to peek secretly at the front of the dessert shop. But it is an extremely coincidental timing that as soon as I look in, I make eye contact with the person who was just clearing a table. And Phîi Pong, bloody fucking, runs out in his apron, grabs my arm, and leads me to enter through the back of the shop.
Just as I am being sulky about going home... I get hugged tightly.
“What 'just a moment'? It is only afternoon. There are people in the shop. How can I take Gok home?” I am not sulky. I just... just... What should I say?
“Then stay here for now. Does Nong Gok want to eat anything? I will make it for you. You can go upstairs. I will turn on the air conditioner for you.” Phîi Pong still hugs me tightly, asking in a pleading voice, making me almost sink into his chest, which is very warm, very hard, very dizzying because... I have not had sex for many, many days.
You do not have to hug me. Hugging makes me horny, but I have been lonely alone.
“No. Phîi Pong is busy. Go work.”
“Oh, Nong Gok, Khrap.” Phîi Pong pushes me away a little to look down and make eye contact. His sharp face looks troubled. His eyes show a pleading glint.
“Do not go back yet.”
However you forbid me, I will go back.
“Do you not miss me at all, Khrap?”
Who would miss you? I just want to feel a tingle in my toes, that is all.
“I miss Nong Gok very much.”
Say whatever. However you say it, I will not soften!
"Nong Gok.."
“Fine, fine! I will stay! But I am telling you, Gok is not sulking at Phîi!!!”
Will my mouth ever have a day where it agrees with my heart?!
I lose to Phîi Pong's remorseful expression again, so I can only bow my head and bite my lip. I have already said everything; I really was just sulking. This makes Phîi Pong himself smile... smile widely... hug me tightly... kiss my cheek hard... and also…
“Can you not go home today?..... Let me hold you.”
What the? If you want it, just ask. What do you think I am?
“Um, I want the standing thrust position.”
My mouth!!!!!
No, believe me. Believe me, I am not so bored that I went to sit and read gay sex stories to kill time. I really did not read it. I really do not know about the thing they say, that if you stand and thrust with legs apart, it will be very, very pleasurable. I did not read a single bit of it. If you do not believe me, go ask Moo. No, do not ask him. Yes, that is right. Believe me, I did not read about other people's pleasurable activities at all.
And then, damn. Even though it slipped out, Phîi Pong just laughs... laughs softly, close to my ear.
“I can do anything. Just... be able to accept all of me, okay?”
I am tired. I am tired! I will definitely be tired!!! But the thought that I am definitely done for tonight makes me…
“Then I w... will go watch TV upstairs.” I will just go up and wait for him.
“Yes, Khrap. Then I will bring something up for you to eat later.”
I nod immediately, acting easy-going as I go upstairs. I am not excited at all, not one bit. Just thinking about Phîi Pong on the bed.... gives me goosebumps.
Because ever since that day when we played until my back almost broke and still did not do anything, since I had exams, Phîi Pong said he wanted me to finish my exams first. For the past many days, you have to understand, I could only take the shirt of Phîi Pong that I confiscated and rub it and pull it, moaning loudly, but it was not satisfying because my lower back... wanted it so much.
Right now, my face is burning. My lower part is already twitching. I tell myself to just go upstairs, do not be horny here. But…
“Khun Ann, let Pam tell Phîi Pong first..."
“Why do you have to tell him first? I am a special person to Pong..... What are you doing, Pong!”
I turn sharply to look at the loud voice that immediately comes through, and I see that nuisance of an Phîi is here again!
The person who bloody fucking bursts into the back of the shop uninvited and sees Phîi Pong, who is still holding my arm. Suddenly, that Phîi turns sharply to stare at me with glaring eyes, narrowing them, and then…
“That youth who ran and cut in front of my car!”
Yes, did you just remember me?
I only think it; I do not say it. Phîi Pong lets go of my arm and moves to stand blocking in front, asking in a flat voice, different from the warm tone like every other time.
“Is there something, Ann?”
“Huh? Why are you asking like that, Pong? Can I not come to find Pong?” Ann makes a coquettish, twisting face, wriggling excessively, making me even grimace. But it is an adult's matter; I will not interfere, even though I secretly dislike this woman very much. Because even though I am a horny youth, I have the sense not to cause trouble for Phîi Pong, so I stand still, observing.
“I just do not see any business reason for Ann to be here, that is all.”
“Pong! Why are you talking like this?”
“I am just telling the truth. You are afraid of getting fat, are you not? So you are not here to eat desserts. I therefore do not know why you would come.” Phîi Pong speaks with a soft voice for every word, but, damn it, Khrap, listening to her, that Phîi makes a face like a fish being hit on the head, opening and closing her mouth, and then looks at both me and Phîi Pam, looking embarrassed and seeking trouble, as she lifts her chin high.
“I just found out that Pong is this kind of person. After using me, you kick me away.”
I widen my eyes, bewildered on her behalf that she suddenly enters drama mode.
This is in contrast to Phîi Pong, who sighs tiredly. “When did I kick you away?”
“After I advertised your shop so thoroughly, Pong talks to me like this. So, were you just pretending to have feelings for me because of this!!!"
I am speechless. I cannot say anything. I massage my temples and turn to look at Phîi Pong's face, only to find that he raises his hand.
Is this Phîi reading too many novels? Phîi Pong is that ultimate angel.
“Ann, Ann, listen... I have never once pretended to have feelings for you..."
“How can you say that, Pong!!!” Before the cake shop Phîi can finish speaking, that Phîi shrieks, making Phîi Pong look troubled, trying to speak to save face. He probably thinks she is a friend. But if it were me, I would have pushed back long ago. Women are no exception, especially people like this. Seriously, does the world revolve around her?
“Sigh, Ann, listen...” Phîi Pong says in a slow voice, even though he looks like he has lost all patience. “I do not know who you heard it from, that I used to like you before. But I never said it. In high school, I might have said that you are quite cute, but that was a high school young man going along with his friends. But I am sure I never once said I liked you.”
I am so embarrassed for her.
If I were this woman, I would transform into an amoeba and burrow into the ground to escape. I cannot even bring myself to mock her. Seeing her face as pale as white paper, I can only turn my face away, feeling that I should not stare and be impolite. But I know that Phîi Pong himself must also be at his limit.
“And I told you from the beginning that you did not need to interview me. I am just a small shop in front of a school. That day, I also said I was not free. But you insisted on coming, did you not, Ann?” I remember that on the interview day, Phîi Pong was with me, bandaging my wound. I also heard that he did not want to go down to see his friend. I am not taking sides, but I can confirm it.
However... it is not the same for the other woman.
“Are you saying this because of this youth?”
“Hey!” I exclaim, of course. She suddenly points at me.
“What does this have to do with Nong?” Phîi Pong walks over to block in front of me, even though his face is already stern.
“Are you gay!?!"
"What?" I do not know if everyone who gets rejected goes this crazy, but when I had my heart broken, I just cried. I did not randomly connect things so badly. But this Phîi Ann says it with unwavering self-confidence.
“The reason Pong is not interested in a beautiful, capable person like me is because you are gay, is that not it? It is impossible for Pong to not be interested in me at all, when I have feelings for you this much. But it must be because of this house youth, is that not it!! What is so good about this youth? I am hundreds of times better. And you, hide away! How long are you going to stand here clinging to Pong's arm!!!” I am angry. In my heart, I am very angry. I want to punch her until her face tilts back, until her beauty is gone, until her nose bridge breaks. Because what right does she have to compare me? And is she insane, connecting it to such nonsense? But…
Grab
Phîi Pong instead lunges to grab that woman's arm, his eyes flashing.
“Yes, I am gay!!!"
Phîi Pong can be angry at that woman, but Phîi Pong cannot confess the truth like that!!!
I might be angry, but I would never say the truth like that. Unlike Phîi Pong, who squeezes that Phîi's hand tightly. And I can swear I have never seen Phîi Pong this furious before; I have never seen him be impolite to anyone before. But now, Phîi Pong is leaning in to look at that woman with a gaze like an evil demon.
“Listen. Even if I liked women, I would never like a complaining woman like you.”
After saying this, Phîi Pong... drags her.
“Ouch, let go! Let go right now, you psycho!” I have never seen Phîi Pong this scary before, so I can only cling to the wall, watching the large man drag that woman toward the front of the shop.
“You can say whatever you want to me, I will not be angry at all. But do not come and harass people in the shop like this.”
Luckily, there are not many people now, even though they turn to look, quite startled, as the super handsome, extremely polite and kind shop owner is pushing, gripping, and dragging the shrieking woman loudly out the door. And that nuisance…
“Screeeeech! Let go, you psycho gay! You're disgusting!!!”
Phîi Pong does not care at all that he is called gay in the middle of the shop.
“Even if I am gay, I have never harassed anyone like you!” Phîi Pong does not even deny it, but accepts the term that makes people in the shop wide-eyed. But he does not care. Phîi Pong looks very angry as he opens the shop door and pushes the complaining woman outside.
“I thank you for trying to help, but I would be more thankful if you did not step foot here again.”
“You!!! You remember this! I have so many connections! I will write slanted news saying your shop is terrible!!!"
“Feel free.” Phîi Pong is indifferent as he raises his hand, crosses his arms, and looks at the once-beautiful woman who makes a face as if she will charge to tear his chest open, and also raises her hand to give him the finger.
“Psycho! You disgusting! You damned man!!!"
“Phîi Pong, Phîi Pong! Should I splash water? Pam was just about to wash the front of the shop.”
Right then, Phîi Pam herself runs to get a bucket of water and stands nearby, making as if to splash the person who is throwing a tantrum unbecoming of a famous editor, making that Phîi quickly jump back, pointing her finger and saying she will remember this, but then rushes into her car as Phîi Pam makes a real move to splash. While I.... am stunned.
I am stunned! What is happening!?
“Sorry, Khrap. It was just a juvenile-hellspawn asking for alms. I guess she could not find a Phûa in her previous life. Oh, but she probably will not find one in this life either.” Phîi Pam turns to smile sweetly at the customers.
“Sorry for the commotion, Khrap.” Phîi Pong only says that and then goes back into the rear of the shop.
He leaves his capable assistant to handle the outside, while I... stand stiffly, not knowing what to do.
I am angry at that woman, but I also do not know what I should say, because I have never dealt with this kind of mood from Phîi Pong before. And that…
“I am sorry. Nong Gok might also be misunderstood as being gay because of this.”
No, no. Right now, to hell with the gay thing. I am more worried about Phîi Pong.
I want to comfort him, but I am so stunned I cannot speak. Phîi Pong also raises his hand to hold his head.
“I... I should have been calmer than this. But I could not stand someone comparing Nong Gok like that. How dare she come and say that Nong Gok is not as good? I should not have... I...” Phîi Pong cannot speak anymore, while my heart... trembles violently.
It is not trembling because my lower part is twitching. This time, it is trembling because my heart is realizing what is really happening.
Phîi Pong is this angry because I was insulted?
It is a feeling that truly has no substitute.
“Do not worry. No one saw Nong Gok's face. No one knows that Nong Gok is my romantic partner.” I really cannot say anything, except…
Grab
“Phîi does not have to be this much of a male lead, you know.”
Just this, and I have fallen so deeply in love I do not think of escaping anymore.
I hug Phîi Pong very tightly. I hug him to let him know that I am here. Meanwhile, all the crazy thoughts fly away. I like Phîi Pong not just because he is skilled in bed, not just because he can make me finish three or four times per session, not just because he makes delicious desserts, but I like Phîi Pong for being this angelic.
Phîi Pong thinks of my matters first.
I do not need to be annoyed or jealous at all when Phîi Pong expresses more clearly than anyone that he cares only about me.
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