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Perspective Gok
“Why do you two have to come to my house!” I asked.
“Well, Janjao wanted to come.” Graphic says.
“Oh, so Gok doesn't want our help?” Janjao asks knowingly.
I really want to stick my head in a jar and get sucked away right now. A few days ago, I cried my eyes out, losing all the manly composure I had built up over eighteen years (?). And I did it in front of a young woman I am not even close with. So, once I regained my senses, once I realized what the hell I had done, I could only cover my face and let out one word...
I am truly very ashamed. But Janjao said it was...cute.
Right now, I have no face to see them. Neither that Graphic nor his romantic partner. But instead, they show up at my house on a day off!
I have not been idle these past few days. Besides avoiding these two friends to save face, I have also been trying to think about how I should go see Phîi Pong. But let-me-die, let someone get struck by lightning. I cried on him and then ran away when he said he would only kiss his romantic partner. How could I possibly have the face to go back?
I really do not know what Phîi Pong thinks. I only know that I genuinely cannot face him yet.
Just think about it. What would I say when I meet him?
Oh, I thought you rejected me, so I got so sad I went crazy.
How can I say something like that? As that Graphic said, I have not even told him the word 'like'. By now, Phîi Pong must be extremely confused about why I suddenly went crazy and ran out of the shop. Even though I have done this many times before, a good person like him might blame himself for poking the donut hole until the filling leaked out.
It is the same with this matter. Every time I think about it, my face gets as hot as if held to a fire.
So, can't I have some time to prepare myself, a day or two? No, a week or two? What do you gain by showing up to hammer in my stupidity!?
Even though...
“Khrap, I want your help, Khrap.” I immediately bow my head and look only at my feet. But instead of escaping...it is Moo, Khrap.
Moo, who is sitting right at my feet, looks up at me with his clear, bright blue eyes. His mouth is open, tongue lolling out, panting hack-hack, as if asking...How is the master today, Khap? If your tear ducts burst again, Moo will know how to comfort you correctly... And because he knows everything from the day I was heartbroken until the day I saw the light, I am...very ashamed of the dog.
Whimper
“Don't look at me!” I close my eyes immediately. But when I look up...
Should I be ashamed of the dog's gaze or the good person's gaze!
Right now, both that Graphic and Janjao are looking at me with smiles, so I have to change the subject...
I need time to prepare myself.
“That Graphic, haven't I told you yet that the other day your dog tried to rob my dog's virtue!”
“That Ruthless, huh.” He probably knows I am embarrassed, so he willingly changes the subject.
“Yeah, right. Which other dog do you have? I saw it with my own two eyes when it was about to mount my dog. Are you not even sparing another male?” I am demanding justice for Moo, who is whimpering nging-nging near my lap. But the one who answers is not that Graphic; it is Janjao, who crosses her arms and shakes her head.
“Dogs are like people, aren't they? They take whoever offers.”
“A bit harsh, Janjao.”
My eyes go wide. I turn sharply to look at that Graphic. I know my friend is handsome and choosy, but I did not think he was that experienced before meeting Janjao. And that makes him...
Thwack
He pushes my head with full force.
“Eek!”
“Don't look at me like that. I am devoted to one person. Janjao should scold the person who bought Ruthless for me.”
“Your Phô?” I know a little that his Phô is a famous politician, so he probably dated girls casually, like you see in the news. He just shrugs and gives a cold smile that somehow seems vicious.
“Yeah! My Phô, the old man with bad habits... So about Ruthless, do you want me to bring a ceremonial offering to ask for Moo's hand?” Ai Graphic asks jokingly while he himself is ruffling my dog's head playfully.
I do not know if I am imagining it, but today that dim-wit is staring intently at that Graphic. He even follows him around closely.
“Very funny.... Hey, has Ruthless ever been bred?” I am still trying to keep the subject changed. I do not want to talk about myself, let-me-die.
“Never. But I do not really want to talk about it. That bloody Ruthless is just like the buyer Janjao mentioned. I take him anywhere, the female dogs wag their tails, arch their backs, waiting for him. And the latest time, when I took him to the hospital, three female dogs fought each other to get to Ruthless. I just held my temples.” I think he is not telling this as a joke; he is telling it very seriously, to the point that Moo is blinking his eyes and then...
“Nging-nging-nging”
I am not imagining it, am I, that bloody Moo is actually feeling down.
“Then don't let your dog get near my dog. Even if Moo is a dim-wit, I will not let my baby's virtue be taken so easily.” I declare, which makes that Graphic... smirk.
“But you let Phîi from the cake shop take your virtue, is that it?”
“You damned-animal!!!”
This time, I only curse words because.... I cannot argue with the truth.
“Come on, Graph, enough about the dogs. Didn't you come to help?”
“You're the only one, Janjao. We are not involved.”
You shit-lizard friend!!
I am seriously thinking about cutting ties with that Graphic right now. But I cannot do it yet. I might be annoyed with him, but his romantic partner is extremely useful.
“So, here's the thing, Gok. We went to Phîi Pong's shop yesterday.”
Snap
As soon as the useful person starts talking, I immediately turn to make eye contact. Honestly, I want to know how Phîi Pong is doing, and I am too embarrassed to show my face there and act like nothing happened. I must have shown my eagerness a bit too much, because now Janjao has a smug smile just like her romantic partner.
“But we did not see him.”
“Oh.” Did I show too much that I wanted to know? Is that why these two are laughing at me like this?
“I mean, we really did not see him. He has not been out front for several days. We tried asking a junior who regularly goes to Phîi Pong's shop, and he said he had not seen him at the counter at all. So we went to investigate through Phîi Pam. She complained that she did not know what was wrong with Phîi Pong; he kept making mistakes with the cakes. The last time, he picked up salt instead of sugar; several pounds of it were inedible. Plus, when he is out front, he is absent-minded. Phîi Pam scolded him, telling him not to come add work around here, even if he can use his looks to attract customers.”
Oho, she looks cute like that, but that bloody Phîi Pam is strict. But more importantly, Phîi Pong...is not acting normal.
“Hearing this, can you figure anything out?” That bloody Janjao is already teasing me, to the point I want to retort, 'Don't give me hope, damn it!' What if Phîi Pong just had a headache, was unwell, or had a fever? Where will I put my face then? But...
“If Gok is going to make a move, it has to be during this period. If Gok disappears, and Phîi he thinks Gok is not going to see him anymore and decides to move on... With a face like that, finding someone new would not be hard.” I really hate this young woman's coaxing, because I... completely agree with every point.
With a face like Phîi Pong's, finding a new youth is easy. And with skills like that, anyone who tries them would get addicted.
What should I do!?!
“So...what should I do?”
I am not blindly believing this young woman's instigation. I am just asking for her opinion because she seems knowledgeable and well-informed.
“Gok has to move forward. Try to find a good opportunity to confess to him.”
Where is there one?
Ack!
“Gok, Mâe is going out.... Oh, you have friends over today?” I was almost about to retort, if my Mâe had not shown up first.
“Hello, Khâ.”
“Hello, Khrap.” My friends greet her properly, which makes my Mâe smile fondly. She must have seen Janjao's bag for extra class worksheets. Then she turns to me.
“Gok, for our birthday, your Phô and I will not be home. What flavor cake do you want? I will buy it for you in advance. Oh, and if you want to have friends over to celebrate, be considerate of the neighbors. Just get drunk in moderation.” My Mâe probably knows it is tiring to forbid it; telling them to take it easy is probably simpler.
As for me, I do not resent my parents for not being home on my birthday. I am this grown up already. Just having my Mâe agree to buy me a two-pound cake to devour all by myself is Finland enough for me.
“I do not know, Mâe. Let me think first.” I act uninterested, but that is a lie. It is my birthday; I have to carefully consider what cake to eat to make it appropriate.
Last year it was orange cake; this year, should I have chocolate? I want a big one, this year maybe four pounds would be better.
I try to swallow as saliva surges. Do not call me gluttonous. It is just that I really like eating sweets. It is my birthday; I have to make it worth being born. The downside is that I have to try to show an expression that says... 'It is not me, I do not really want to devour it.'
Even after Mâe goes out, Janjao, who has been sitting quietly the whole time, turns to me.
Eyes shining.
“Gok, this is the opportunity!”
“Huh?!” I can only exclaim, unable to keep up, as I listen to the plan and really want to ask: Did that Graphic chase Janjao, or did Janjao invest in dragging that Graphic into bed? Why is this young woman so expert!!!!
Perspective Janjao
“You are having fun right now, aren't you?”
“No, no. I am making merit for my next life, so that I may get a good romantic partner too.”
“Didn't you just break the heart of a good person who came to court you?”
It is the last period of the school day now. I am humming a song happily, the kind that makes my close friend, whom the whole school thinks is my romantic partner, speak with a weary voice while shaking his head slowly. That is because Graph knows very well what I am planning to do.
I am just doing my duty as a fujoshi, getting my full enjoyment from boys getting together.
To be honest, at first I was not interested in Gok at all; I just thought he had an attractive face. But because of his delinquent nature that tempted Graph to skip class, I was biased. But after Yhin, my close friend, told me many things, my brain managed to piece the story together. That delinquent youth keeps showing up at the cake shop, and he is so close that he can go in and out freely on the shop's day off.
That is a lot, you know. I do not want to make Gok's brain go into overdrive, but... there are many young women at school who like Phîi Pong.
Not just like; the more aggressive ones even go and confess to Phîi Pong. But he always rejects them, albeit kindly. So let me say this clearly: Phîi Pong is definitely not especially close to any particular customer. But with Gok, just seeing them that day was enough to ship them.
What kind of man would check another man's fever by pressing his forehead against it if he did not have feelings for him? Plus, he walked straight to Gok without any hesitation like that.
Phîi Pong is that obvious. But the pitiful part is that Gok does not know his own heart at all.
Gok does not even know if he likes men or not, unlike this Graph guy, who has known since he was seven years old, so he does not resist having been in love with the same man for years now. But it is not me, so I want to help him as much as I can. At the very least, I can make him understand his own heart. So, I am not just trying to find a way to fangirl and relieve stress from the upcoming final exams at all.
The help I can give is just advice, but the only one who can actually take action is Gok himself. And it is an extremely fortunate coincidence that Gok's birthday is coming up in a few days.
That is a major event.
“And do you think that Gok will do it?”
“Looking at his face, you should know.” I smile slightly, thinking of the plan that the other troublemaker friend has promised to carry out with full investment.
“It will probably be finished that very night.”
“Should I give him condoms in various flavors as a birthday present?”
“Janjao, you are a young woman.” Graph reminds me.
I pout a little. Seriously, why does everyone have to distinguish between male and female? What I said is not serious at all. But if I just say a little something below the belt, people criticize me, even though I said it and did not do it with anyone. I just... want to know, that is all.
“Fine, fine, I am a young woman, fine. When will the bell ring?” To be honest, my mind is not on studying right now. So as soon as the bell rings, I drag Graph's arm out of the room and stride briskly straight to the delicious cake shop.
“Welcome, Khâ. Oh, Janjao.”
Phîi Pam greets me immediately, so I have to smile at her. I take long strides straight to her.
“Phîi Pam, where is Phîi Pong?” As soon as I finish asking, Phîi Pam immediately makes a troubled face. Just as I thought, Phîi Pong does not give any opportunities to the young women students at the school. And the main obstacle is Phîi Pam herself. I have to whisper a little more.
“It is about Gok, Khâ. Not about Janjao.”
“Oh, Nong Gok. Then come in, come in. Phîi Pong is right in the back.”
I do not know how Gok can be unaware that he has this kind of special privilege.
I cannot stop smiling as I pass the counter to the back of the shop, with Graph following me.
I have never seen the inside of a pastry shop before in my life. But the inside here is fully equipped with everything, looking more like a large cake shop than a shop the size of just two row houses. And right now, the person who creates beautiful-looking, sweet, and delicious pastries is sitting in front of a round cake batter, holding a spatula but not starting to do anything yet. I have to...
“Ahem.”
Snap
“Uh, how did you get in?” Phîi Pong turns to look at me sharply, as if with hope, before furrowing his brows in confusion. After a moment, he remembers.
“Are you Janjao, Nong Gok's friend?”
See? Phîi Pong does not remember me. He remembers me because I am Gok's friend.
“Yes.”
“And Nong Gok...”
“He is not with me.” So this is what a handsome man looks like when he withers.
“And how is... Nong he doing?”
“He is completely mopey because he thinks he was rejected by a certain someone.”
Thud
Phîi Pong goes completely still. But he does not say anything, just gives a listless smile and shakes his head slowly. I think I should not probe for more information. If he wants to say something, he will probably tell Gok himself. I have to get to the business I came for.
“The thing is, Phîi Pong, the reason we barged into the back is that I wanted to ask if you accept custom cake orders.”
“I do accept. But you should discuss this with Pam...”
“I want to order it for Gok.”
Phîi Pong turns to look at me with interest. That makes Graph continue.
“Do you know that Gok's birthday is the day after tomorrow?” His silence could mean he knows or does not know.
But why do I feel like his eyes are shining, as if he knows something?
“And so we want to surprise him. If we order a cake from you, can you deliver it to him that day?”
“This coming day, I am not sure if I will be free or not.”
Thud
This time, it is our turn to be still, because I thought he would definitely agree. But Phîi Pong turns to look at the calendar, making me unsure now if he is really interested in Gok. If he is interested, the birthday should be the most important thing.
“Could it be later at night?”
“Yes. Gok sleeps late... right, Graph?”
“Mhm.” Once my friend agrees, I quickly continue, trying to sound as smooth as possible.
“But we do not know what kind of cake it should be. Do you have any recommendations?”
“Chocolate.”
“Khâ?” He says it immediately, and he repeats it with a serious expression.
“I would like to make a chocolate cake for Nong Gok. As for the cost, I will not take it. I myself want to apologize to Nong Gok about that day as well.”
Of course, we agree. But I do not know; my fujoshi instinct is telling me that Phîi Pong seems to know something more about Gok than he lets on. Now I am starting to wonder if coming to help like this is really correct, because the look in Phîi Pong's eyes right now is quite...
Scary.
Perspective Gok
It is today, it is today!! It is today!!!
Nineteen years ago today was the day I emerged from my mother's womb, but that is not the important point. The important thing is that this birthday year, I must complete the mission to find a Phûa as a birthday present for myself!
Janjao has laid a trap to lure Phîi Pong. The rest is up to my ability to see if I can catch him for sure.
Right now, I admit I feel like an evil hunter who has lured an angel into a trap and thrown a noose around his neck. But I myself can no longer back out either. Since I do not want to have my heart broken on this hugely important nineteenth birthday of my life.
Actually, today I should invite friends over to wreck the house. But instead, I told them I would celebrate at home, even though my parents are not home, not a single one. My actual Phîi just called to wish me a happy birthday. And even the dog...
Sorry, my son. Your Phô is going to find you another Phô. So go stay with Ai Graphic for now.
For this mission, even though I am afraid my beloved son will be deflowered by that playboy dog, what can I do? If I need to make the house completely quiet and empty, I have to leave Moo with someone. And the only place to leave him without fuss is Ai Graphic's house. Even though Moo does not change anything, who knows if Phîi Pong, in his daze, might be startled awake by his howling?
So, right now, I am alone.
Janjao has already contacted me that Phîi Pong is busy and might come to deliver the cake very late. The time from returning from school until now is time to prepare myself... prepare myself for what... Washing, Khrap.
Last time I went to release undesirable things like that. This time, intending to be decisive in finding a Phûa, I went and studied many things. I learned that if I wash beforehand.... it is clean, sparkling, and smells like soap, making it tempting to sniff.
Ugh, why am I so horny!?
And this time, I have to thank Phîi Pong for opening me up with his finger last time. Now that I have to wash myself, I am not as scared, even if it feels a bit painful, unlike when Phîi from the cake shop did it for me. Once everything is ready, clean from head to hole (?), I sit here with my heart pounding tum-tum, tom-tom, craning my neck like a giraffe, looking towards the front of the house.
Janjao said to use this opportunity to ask him to be my romantic partner. But I... am thinking further.
Since it has come to this, let me ask for him to be my Phûa.
“You are so shameless, Gok!”
Yeah, I am shameless. But if I can have Phîi Pong as my own, I am willing to be shameless.
This is it.
The first man who knows my secret, and the first in many meanings. I have sworn in my heart that since I do not want the secret to leak, and I have fallen in love with him anyway, I will find a way to shut him up by making him my own!!!!
Ding dong
He is here, he is here! He is here!!!
As soon as the bell rings, my heart almost jumps out of my chest. I can only take a deep breath and tell myself to calm down, even though my hands are shaking rik-rik. I look down to check my condition one more time.
An oversized shirt. Short shorts. Is my pose cute enough?
Last time, Phîi Pong complimented me himself, saying I looked cute dressed like this. So this time, I go all out..... Anyway, I am just inside the house.
Fweep
I beg you, do not call me brazen. But I pull one sleeve down over my shoulder. I am begging you, really, do not say it. I am so embarrassed I am about to cry now.
Ding dong!!
And when the bell rings again, I crane my neck to look at the front of the house, sure that it is Phîi Pong's car. I turn to press the button to open the gate for him to drive his car in and park.
Phîi Pong must be surprised, but he willingly moves the car in nicely. Meanwhile, I peek from the dark living room. I see him get out of the car with a very large box that is probably my birthday cake. But this is the first time I ignore sweets, because there is something else I want more.
“Is Nong Gok home!!!” Phîi Pong calls out from the front of the house. I have to take a deep breath, walk to unlock it, and then crack the door open.
“Phîi Pong... how did you get here?”
Do I look surprised?
“I have something to deliver.” Phîi Pong gives me a wide smile, which makes me grip the edge of the door tighter.
“Gok is not feeling well. Can you bring it inside for me?”
“You are not feeling well!” Phîi Pong's face immediately changes to one of concern. He also easily agrees to step into the house. I have to apologize to my ancestors for having a descendant this wicked who is planning to trap a man. Meanwhile, I pretend to stagger unsteadily behind Phîi Pong. And as soon as he places the box on the coffee table...
Feep
Do I stagger like a sick person?
Whether I stagger or not, never mind. The important thing is that I stagger accurately right into Phîi Pong's chest. He himself is quick enough to catch me in his arms, so I can only bury my face against his warm chest, which is... very fragrant.
It is this kind of scent that makes my heart beat fast.
“Nong Gok, sit down first. Are you this sick and no one is home?”
“I mean, there is no one home at all. Everyone abandoned Gok. Even Moo is not here.”
I am lying. I was the one who sent him away.
I stay still, my face pressed against Phîi Pong's chest, letting him support me to sit on the sofa. And at the moment he leans in, meaning to check my temperature...
Snap
Even though I am small as an ant, if I use the momentum from Phîi Pong's own body, I can flip over and end up sitting on top of him when he is off guard. I place both my hands on his chest, press my gaze down on the person who is wide-eyed with shock, while in my head I gather my plan.
“Phîi Pong... today is Gok's birthday.” I mumble, not because I forgot my lines; I am purely embarrassed right now, no other reason.
“I know from your friends. Happy birthday.”
Phîi Pong gives me his usual kind smile. The smile that makes his sharp features even more handsome. I lower my face a little more, feeling my heart flutter and beat wildly. Plus, I feel very guilty for tricking him like this. But since it has come to this...
“Gok has a request.”
“Yes?” Phîi Pong still does not know what is going on. He smiles at me as usual. That is when my courage reaches its peak.
Snap!!!
“Phîi Pong... be mine.”
Is that right?
I throw myself down to hug Phîi Pong tightly, while inside I am panicking. Because the line I rehearsed in my head was... 'Phîi Pong, be Gok's romantic partner'... and what did I mean by 'be mine'!
But I have said it; I cannot take it back. So just continue, you.
“Please, please.” I look up at him with teary eyes—I did not squeeze out a single tear, but they came out from real embarrassment—as I move, intending to press a kiss on his mouth, which I unforgivably missed last time. I am determined that having asked this much, I must succeed this time.
I move my face closer... closer... so close I can smell his minty breath and...
Snap
“Nong Gok, I beg you, do not do this!”
But at that very moment, Phîi Pong instead raises his hand to cover my mouth with the same move. But he says another sentence that makes my heart... feel like it is shattered under the sole of his shoe.
Phîi Pong... is rejecting me again, is that it?
This time it is not a misunderstanding, is it? Phîi Pong... does not love me the way I have fallen in love with him.
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