Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective Gok
Let me ask you, when a person does something wrong and gets caught, what should they do? What is that? Oh, right, there are two options. The first is to confess the wrongdoing, is that not right? And the second is to cover up the wrongdoing. Hmm, I think like that too. I truly think like that. I swear I really think of these two options. But...
Gulp.
Âi shit-lizard! And why did I gulp while holding a giant popsicle, what the hell was I doing!
I think one thing... but end up doing another!!! I think my brain is truly going very crazy. Talking to myself is still acceptable, but...
The second the alarm clock rang, I truly thought, I have to pull my pants up to cover my dick, pull the blanket over, and then lie down, close my eyes tightly, pretending that I am asleep, that I am asleep. There is no way a person can open their eyes fully the moment an alarm clock rings. They must be groggy, disoriented, between reality and dreams. But why, whhhhyyyyyy...
Why did my hand grab the base of the premium popsicle with a full-handed gulp! Hnggggg
If I could cry, I would be crying already. But right now my tears will not flow, replaced by another feeling... I suspect, damned-animal.
In reality, when cold ice cream meets a warm hand, a reaction must occur, transferring heat and causing the cold to melt, is that not correct? Yeah, to hell with the theory. What I am trying to say is, when I grab it, it should shrivel, right? But why, when touched by my warm hand, does it... expand?
Right now I am seeing the image of a sausage that has been in the microwave too long, because it is swelling up like that. Can you picture it? Swelling up like it is pumped with air, while I am still gripping it tightly in shock.
Shocked by... the shit-lizard heat.
Ding ding ding ding, ding, ding, ding.
Ahem, all that I thought probably took less than three seconds in reality, because that damned-animal alarm clock is still ringing continuously, and the cake shop owner, who probably has a side job selling ice cream, is opening his eyes. That is not all...
"Hmmmph."
Phîi, your voice is making my hair stand on end from my spine to the nape of my neck!
I must have been too stunned by Phîi Pong's voice. Even though he is awake, I still refuse to let go, because, well, Phîi Pong's voice is very low, very hoarse, in the style of someone who just woke up. That is not all, it is clearly blurry, the kind that shakes my every nerve. And why should I be wondering... Phîi Pong's voice is making me very thrilled, is that contradictory!
And...
"Nong Gok!!! What are you doing?"
Phîi Pong has sprung up, and he must be extremely startled that his world has fallen into the grip of my hand that... is holding tight.
I do not know when I should let go. I missed the right time to let go!
This thought makes me... open my mouth.
What should I do? What should I do!
"Nong Gok, why are you crying?... Ouch!"
Phîi Pong cries out loudly, because just as he is moving towards me, I... flinch.
Not that it breaks in two, I mean, I startle, and my hand accidentally presses down.
"Do not come closer!"
Seriously, ordinary people point a gun to threaten, but I, I am holding the handle of his gun tightly as a hostage.
"Uh, Nong Gok, first, let me go... please... Ouch." Phîi Pong remains calm as he slowly moves towards me, but I am freaking out. With evidence like this in my hand, how can I explain that I am not a psycho secretly looking at people's things while they sleep!
"I told you not to move!!"
"Okay, okay, I will not move anymore. Please do not cry, Nong Gok. There, there." Your hand has not even reached me, yet you can still comfort me? But his voice lets me know I am on the verge, and it must be the strangest sight in the world. Right now Phîi Pong should be the one crying, so why am I crying?
Suddenly, a thought flashes into my head... I am afraid Phîi Pong will hate me.
I do not know why I think that, but I am truly afraid. Afraid of my own secret perversion, that is it. And that makes me cry out.
"It is your fault!"
"Pardon?" Yeah, you should be surprised, because I am even surprised at what excuse I am about to fabricate.
"Well, it is you! Gok was sleeping fine, then you just poked Gok with that thing. And when it poked Gok, Gok wondered what was poking him. When I got up to grab it to look, it turned out to be your ice cream! And... and it is big, so... so big, look, I cannot even wrap one hand around it. So Gok did not know how to let go. Your alarm clock rang. It is not Gok's fault, it is yours. Also, you were the one who poked Gok with it yourself... Whoa!!!"
I feel my nose would grow longer today. The story I told has as much truth as an ant's nipple. What remains, I talk until black becomes white. While I speak, I sob, because I cannot stand that I am so damn good at making up stories. But then I have to cry out in surprise.
Surprised, damn it! Is this not the biggest yet?!
Phîi Pong can still expand further! Do my tears have the power to make ice cream swell?!
"Uh, I am sorry." Meanwhile, Phîi Pong has raised his hand to cover his own face, sending a pained smile while looking down. Then the cake shop owner reaches out to gently hold my wrist, pulling it away slowly. This time I let go, because...
"I am sorry. It is my fault. It is not Nong Gok's fault at all. Please do not cry."
I am blinking rapidly. So you actually believe me?!
"Lately I have not been dealing with it much. Sometimes in the morning it is like this. And today, especially with a warm person sleeping next to it, it must have become more severe than usual. But no matter how you listen, it sounds like an excuse, right?... I am sorry. Nong Gok must be scared, having a psycho older person sleeping next to him like this."
Rip.
Right now I am being attacked by guilt! Meanwhile, Phîi Pong smiles even more awkwardly as he tucks his ice cream into his pants. But...
Do not put it away yet. I have not sucked it, I mean, I have not looked my fill yet.
"Nong Gok must be disgusted with me now, right? There is probably no young man who wants to see another young man's... I... " I turn my head sharply back from the suckable, I mean, viewable thing, almost without turning to look at the cake shop owner's face, which has fallen, rendering me speechless.
So, I am off the hook now, right? The theory of blaming first to gain advantage still works, huh?
But why am I not happy at all about being exonerated?
"Na... no, Phîi Pong is not at fault at all. You said it yourself, it is a natural reaction." Phîi Pong still looks upset, until I hurriedly continue.
"You have seen Gok's thing before, so will you say that after seeing Gok's thing, you were disgusted?"
What! How did it turn into me being upset with him?!
"I was not disgusted with Nong Gok!" Of course Phîi Pong says it in a surprised tone, his eyes wide, making me retort.
"Then Gok is not disgusted with Phîi Pong either. Let us call it even, okay?"
This much, let it end. Please let it end. Let it end. I went through the trouble of making excuses until I was exonerated, pushing the truth away from myself.
I grabbed it, I really grabbed it. Now why are you afraid I would be disgusted? The words as Phîi Pong reaches his hand towards me, but... Why are you pulling your hand back? Just as I flinch and say don't.
I think that, but my actions come first... I stupidly shove my head into his hand.
"You can pet it if you want... I did not say a word against it." The end of my sentence is muffled in my throat, demanding Phîi Pong's smile return once more.
"Nong Gok is such a good youth. Thank you for not being angry with me."
Thank you for believing my lies.
Of course I would not say that out loud. Meanwhile, I watch Phîi Pong leave the bed, turn to look at the clock, and then look down at his own lower body with a dry smile.
"Then I will go take a shower first. I have to prepare things to open the shop. Uh, I have to deal with it too."
Gulp.
You damned hand, why did you grab the hem of Phîi Pong's shirt?!
Right now I am cursing my own hand, so I did not stop my mouth from saying...
"Let Gok help, Phîi Pong!!!"
You damned, cursed mouth, what did you just say!!!
Snap.
No, not just my mouth. My tongue came out to lick around my lips to add to it. And my eyes... are staring fixedly, for sure.
Ugh.
I hate myself to death for swallowing my saliva so hard, but sorry, it is Phîi Pong's fault... he saw it as a gear stick and his pajama pants split open.
Gok, you, please help by raising your hand to cover your eyes, damn it.
My brain commands, but my eyes do not obey. Moreover, my mouth acts first.
"Le... let Gok help Phîi Pong."
Believe me, I did not want to suck, I mean, look for real! It is just the hand, right? Just, you know, jerking, stroking, like what Phîi Pong did for me. I do not really want to know how it feels to hold someone else's thing.
This thought makes me clutch Phîi Pong's shirt tightly. But Phîi Pong instead... falls silent.
The silence makes me have to look up to meet his eyes. And I do not know if I am imagining it, the cake shop owner is clenching his jaw so tightly that his cheeks bulge. But it is really just a flash, as the corners of Phîi Pong's lips lift into a kind, adult smile, and it is extremely warm. Then he reaches out to take my hand.
"Nong Gok wants to repay me?"
"Ah, hmm, yes."
Yes, yes, just to repay, that is all. Otherwise, he will say my parents did not raise me right. When someone is good to you, you must be good in return. This is not for my own benefit at all. And that makes Phîi Pong smile even wider, until my heart beats like a drum being played rapidly. I am confident that today I will get to try ice cream for breakfast. But Phîi Pong instead... removes my hand.
Fwip
And also places his hand on my head, then shakes it back and forth.
"Nong Gok is very kind. But it is alright. What I did for Nong Gok, I did not want anything in return. As long as Nong Gok is not angry that I slept so impolitely like this, that is already a great help to me."
Do not ask why I did not argue. Because I was stunned, that is why.
The damned-animal male lead! The shit-lizard male lead! Why is Phîi Pong like this!
No, I am not being sarcastic. I truly think that. From what I have seen, Phîi Pong is already a bloody fucking Phôly-saint. Now I see him even more as an angel, with wings sprouting, a halo around his head, and even a shining aura. So, everything Phîi Pong did to me was with pure intentions, is that it? He is not an old horny person pretending to be kind to lure a youth into a trap, is he? Phîi Pong is truly a good person.
I did not misjudge Phîi Pong at all. But...
"But Gok wants to help."
"Let us save it for helping with something else, okay?"
"But... "
"I have to hurry and take a shower now, or I will not have time to prepare things." Before I can even finish protesting, Phîi Pong grabs his phone to check the time again. Then, he turns around, takes long strides, and disappears into the bathroom just like that, leaving me... Frozen.
Don't! Don't have impure thoughts. My thing is not even swollen. But now... I am very embarrassed.
I was rejected!!!
Gulp.
"Damn that Phîi Pong!"
Do not think I shouted loudly. I just grabbed a pillow and then mumbled into it, covering my burning hot face, which spreads all over my body as embarrassment washes over me from all directions. Just think, I have never revealed my true self to anyone. Even my close friends, they do not even know that I am more interested in AV male leads than female leads. And of course, I never thought of using my mouth, no, never thought of using my hand to touch anyone's private property. But I went through the trouble of opening my mouth to tell Phîi Pong I would help, and he... brushed my hope aside like that.
Will Phîi Pong think I am a juvenile-hellspawn?!
"Arghhhhhhhhhh!"
I confirm again, I am just screaming into the pillow stuffed over my mouth, then thrashing on the bed until the sheets are crumpled, kicking my legs around to vent my shame, for a good long while before getting up to... wipe my tears.
I am angry.
Yeah, I know he is a good person (?)
Yeah, I know he has pure intentions (?)
Yeah, I know he is a person who expects nothing in return (?)
But... what about my ice cream?
I bring the hand that wiped the tears of shame up to my face, staring at it as if it is an alien object from another world, because this is the hand that just held a hot popsicle. And I... licked it.
"I want to die."
I say it shamelessly... I licked my own finger. So, when I realize it again, I throw myself down and thrash like Moo being denied food, raise both hands to hold my head, and rub it hard, unable to bear my own lust anymore. What I do then is...
"I am not going to wash up, damn it! I cannot face him!"
I spring up, turn to open the balcony door where I saw Phîi Pong hang the school uniform to dry. I do not care anymore that what I am wearing is Phîi Pong's boxers. I manage to put the school uniform on over them. But this time, I am not thinking of running away from Phîi Pong like the time he caught me getting off on the fresh cream. So I grab paper and a pen and scribble... I am going to school first... and leave it next to his phone.
As for why this time I am not thinking of running away like last time... Try experiencing the divine hand technique once, believe me, you will not be able to leave it.
Okay, to conclude, I am not running away because I cannot fight the base desire. Truly base, not in my heart, base beneath my underwear, that is it.
After that, I run off. This time, let me go and make my heart braver, my face thicker than this first. Most importantly... let me go and erase the thought of wanting to eat that ice cream from my head!
Gok, are you crazy? Why are you so damn obsessed with wanting to eat that ice cream?!
\***
"Auntie, is this all the ice cream you have?"
"I only have what is in the freezer. The supplier delivers to me later in the morning."
"But I want to eat an ice cream pop."
"Then where should I go to find one for you, dear?"
I want to slap my own head until it splits. Since I came to school so early, the teacher on duty has not even arrived yet, the shops are not even open. So I went to recite the 'let the hard thing soften' spell several dozen times, but it still cannot reduce the desire that makes my throat parched. Just closing my eyes, the image floats up.
The image of a sweet treat towering up towards the sky. Judging by the color, it seems coated in chocolate. Moreover, it is surrounded by dark threads that make me want to slip my hand in to grab it gently, and jerk it a little.
In the end... I burst out of the school greenhouse behind the school and step slowly to the shops that are starting to open one by one, only to find that... the only snack shop that sells ice cream bloody fucking has no ice cream pops to eat!!!
"Can you get a scoop of ice cream instead?"
"But I want to eat an ice cream pop. If not chocolate, then... milk flavor."
I am having perverted thoughts again, am I not?
"Then come around noon. Look, the last one, that young woman bought it." The auntie who owns the shop points in another direction. And that makes my eyes gleam, and I rush over immediately.
"Janjao!"
"Huh? Huh? Oh, Gok." I want to thank the angels in heaven (do they look like Phîi Pong?) for making the person who got the last ice cream pop a familiar-faced young woman, the romantic partner of a close friend, who is unwrapping the ice cream. And that.. vanilla ice cream with jelly filling!
"Can I buy that ice cream from you?"
"This one?" Janjao looks confused but nods and hands it to me. This is what I like about my friend's partner... she does not ask too many questions. But because of her puzzled look, I explain myself first.
"I am very hot. Thank you. Here is the money." Of course, in front of others, I act cool and composed as I pull out the already unwrapped ice cream. This is it.
A round, white stick, emitting a cold aura, calling for me to bend down and... suck.
This is what I need.
I do not care how anyone else eats ice cream, but I eat it the way my heart demands, by pursing my lips together, sending the cold sweet thing in, exerting force to suck it gently before sending it in slowly... slowly... until the whole stick is inside, transmitting a soft sweetness that spreads throughout my mouth, then slowly pulling the sweet thing, dripping with saliva, out, and pushing it back in again.
Delicious.
"Slurp." It is the only word I can think of as I send it in, rubbing it against my cheek, sending my tongue to lick all over the stick, not wanting any part of it to spill and make a mess. Then I poke it, left side of the mouth, then right, feeling which side my cheek is cold, then change to the other direction, feeling the rounded end being rubbed back and forth, with the sweetness stabbing deep into my throat. And because its length is a bit too much for my mouth,
"Hng, it is messy." My voice must be blurry from eating something cold, so I do not care. I just pull the ice cream out to go collect the base which is melting and dripping onto my wrist.
Snap.
I narrow my eyes, send my tongue to lick slowly, collecting every drop, every bead, then start back to smearing my tongue at the end of the base where it connects to the stick.
It must be bigger than this, definitely fuller in the mouth than this.
I truly cannot help comparing it to the one from this morning. So my mouth exerts even more sucking force than before. And because it is cold, I...
"Hng." I moan.
"Slurp... slurp... slurp... " Even though I moan, I continue to suck the ice cream, until the slurping sounds become louder. And it would probably continue like that for a while, if not...
"Âi shit-lizard Gok, what the hell kind of way are you eating?!"
"Hng, Âi Pae." I hear someone call me, so I turn to look, also pulling out the ice cream, which now only has a piece of bright-colored jelly left, making it spring up and stick to my cheek, while I narrow my watery eyes (from the cold) to look at Âi Pae's face... my large-built friend who is looking at me with a strange expression. And he points at my face, alternating with the thing in my hand.
"What are you doing?"
"Eating ice cream. Do you think I am taking a shit or something?" I retort jokingly, with a small, stuck feeling in my heart that a demon is obstructing my happiness, while this damned-animal guy makes an unacceptable face.
"Do not eat like that again! I have goosebumps!"
"Tsk, don't tell me you've been repressed lately. Just watching me eat ice cream and you... "
"Damn it, can you not give me goosebumps like Âi Ton?... Here, your bag." Âi Pae does not seem to want to talk about it much, so he throws my bag to me, looks at the ice cream in my hand with a strange expression, before saying further.
"I am going to find something to eat. Look after my bag for a bit." My friend says that, then he hurriedly walks off in another direction. Meanwhile, I shrug, confused. When I turn to look at the person who has been sitting with me all along, I find Janjao smiling with gleaming eyes.
"I do not get goosebumps. I think Gok eating ice cream is... quite interesting."
"How so? It is just eating ice cream." The young woman in front of me smiles wider, then looks around.
"Hmm, it is just eating ice cream. But it made the young women around here blush... and looking around, Gok is cute, isn't he? The more you eat ice cream with red lips like this, the cuter you are."
"A face like this is called handsome, not cute." I say jokingly, even though my heart is throbbing. I realize now that my way of eating must seem strange. I always eat ice cream like this. The only thing different from before is that I was thinking of Phîi Pong's face along with it. Well, not his face, I was thinking of something lower than that.
Hey, no, no, no, I was not thinking that just now. Forget it.
"Alright, a face like this is not called cute. A face like this is called... " Janjao beckons me to come closer, until I have to say teasingly.
"Ouch, if I put my face close to yours here, will I get punched flat by Âi Graph?" I say that, but my curiosity (about myself) makes me move my face closer, listening to Janjao say...
"A face like Gok's is called... erotic."
"Hey, your M... I mean, your house!" I almost said 'your Mâe ', but try saying it, otherwise Âi Graph will give me a fat lip, so I can only change the curse word, looking at my friend who laughs loudly, not taking it seriously, and also asking curiously.
"Do you always eat like this in front of other people?"
"I always eat like this."
"Then do not go eat in front of any young man. I think with a face like Gok's... it's... not going to end well."
Thud.
Why did I stumble at the words 'not going to end well'? And why did Phîi Pong's face float into my mind!!!
"Just kidding, not funny. Not funny at all. Someone like Gok only gets eaten by others... Does Janjao want to try?"
"Ah, ahem, do you want to die?"
I retreat scrapingly, almost falling off the table, because Âi Graph has arrived. That handsome guy with a bag slung over one shoulder and who is damn handsome, that is him. He is looking at me with a warning expression that makes me quickly smile widely, raise both hands to shoulder level.
"I do not want to die yet. I still want to have a Mia before I die...
I better go. It is better not to be in the way of a Phûa and Mia. As for this, Âi Pae's bag, he asked me to hold it. And thank you, Janjao." I wave the ice cream stick around, which the other party smiles at in response. But at the moment I am stepping quickly in another direction, I am bloody fucking hearing things.
"I think Graph's friend is not suitable to be someone's Phûa. I think he is more suitable to be a Mia."
What? I am a full, straight stick, damn it! If you were not a woman, I would have punched you already.
Yeah, I think that, but Phîi Pong's face along with the thread-wrapped ice cream bloody fucking flashes into my head at high-speed internet levels.
***
I heard you were going to make your heart brave yesterday, right?
Yeah, I said that yesterday. But I truly cannot suppress my base desires!
My brain is talking to itself again, while I am holding the dog leash tightly, looking up at the shop sign 'Taste of Secrets', unable to stop thinking that this shop resonates so strongly with me. Even the shop name seems to know my secrets.
I have so many secrets, don't tell anyone.
As for why I am at Phîi Pong's shop? Well, today I have the duty to take care of Moo. So I remembered that the cake shop owner once said he likes dogs but never had the chance to keep one, so I thought I would bring Moo to show off a little. But I forgot... I forgot that I still do not have his phone number.
"Woof!" My beloved Siberian is barking, wagging his tail and running circles around my legs as if asking, 'Are you taking Moo to buy snacks? Yes? Yes? Chao-nai?' But I do not see anyone here.
"Be quiet, Moo," I say.
"Woof! Woof!" Well, Chao-nai isn't answering Moo!
See, he is arguing with me.
"Ouch, I do not know why we are here either! I am probably using you as an excuse!" I say.
Truthfully, it might not be Âi Moo Moo's fault, but it is my fault for imagining I can talk to a dog and understand each other.
"Awooooooooo!!!" What excuse, Chao-nai?!
Moo is not barking anymore; he is howling at me. I can only look up at the quiet pastry shop, hesitating whether I should go ring the bell. And by sheer luck...
"Oh, Nong Gok. I was wondering which dog was barking in front of the shop... Is this your dog?" he says.
Good job, Moo. Usually, I am annoyed by your howling, but today I forgive you.
The shop owner walks from the back of the shop and opens the glass door. His face is very sharp, very handsome, and he is smiling widely, looking at the large Siberian who makes me... look away.
I remember, you know, that you rejected me!
Am I sulking or what?
I am confused about whether I should smile, greet him, act like nothing happened, or be angry that he brushed me off before. But Moo does what leaves me gaping.
"Oh my, you are quite a heavy one, aren't you? What is your name?" He jumps and puts his front paws on Phîi Pong. One could say it is because of the snack smell on him, but...
Lick, lick, lick, lick!
The moment Phîi Pong kneels down... he licks Phîi Pong's face!
"Hey, Moo, don't!" I say.
"Whine! Whine!" He ignores me!
"Hahaha! This is quite a sight! Ouch, it is in my mouth now!" he says.
Shit-lizard, stop it, Moo!
I turn to look, my eyes wide, my eyebrows twitching, when I hear Phîi Pong cry out and see Moo licking Phîi Pong's mouth... all over his face.
Gulp.
"Whiiiiine!"
Then, some damned-animal demon or another possesses me, because I yank Moo's leash with all my strength, almost making him flip onto his back, while he cries out loudly. He even turns to look at me with a pitiful, hurt expression that says... Chao-nai, why did you hurt Moo?!
A question for which I have no answer, because I am still stunned.
I do not know, Moo! I just know that when you licked Phîi Pong's mouth... my hand yanked on its own!
While my brain chooses to conclude, pitifully... Was I just jealous of Phîi Pong? And jealous of a dog?!
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