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Perspective Khǎi
“Is it possible that for this year's birthday, Phîi will treat Chôoe-Tǎem's birthday before or after the actual birthday?”
“Why? Is Khǎi busy with something?”
“No. But I want to request that day.”
More than two years had passed since the day Chôoe-Tǎem came to live with me. Two years filled with happiness every single day. Two years where I woke up to find breakfast prepared for me, even on days he was tired from exams. Two years where we slept side by side. Two years where he turned to give me a smile. And two years that made a man who rarely smiles like me laugh more with each minute.
In a few weeks, I will get to be with him for a birthday for the third time.
The first year, we argued, and it ended with me getting a skinhead haircut.
The second year, Nông looked at me excitedly when he saw the three-tier birthday cake I ordered from Pông, with each tier having a story from the years we had known each other. He smiled, he laughed, before hugging me tightly while listening to everyone in his family sing the birthday song.
This year is the third time, and I want to make it more special than that. I want to see his smile even more.
I already know I am not a romantic man, because every time I try to do something, Gùk says, "Hmm, might be a fail." But I still keep trying. If that makes Chôoe-Tǎem turn to smile at me, no matter how many more times I fail, I will keep doing it. And if possible, this time I want to make it succeed. But if not, I will try in the years to come.
However, before carrying out what my heart thinks, first I must ask his Mâe for permission.
The person who is looking at me with surprise, when she sees I am waiting in front of the house, and also mentions a request that she herself probably doesn't want to give...Phîi Nùk has never neglected Chôoe-Tǎem's birthday even once. So, it might be difficult for me to ask her to go along with my plan.
“Okay.”
“Hmm.” But what I wanted turned out to be much easier than expected, making me frown in thought.
While Chôoe-Tǎem's Mâe was looking at my face, she gave a smile, her eyes shining with amusement.
“But Khǎi must promise that whatever you (Khun) plan to do for Nông Tǎem must succeed. Make it worth it that Phîi might get heavily sulked at by her child...Why are you (Khun) making that face? Did you (Khun) think Phîi wouldn't permit it, even though Phîi already knows that anything Khǎi does could never make Nông Tǎem sad? And how could Phîi not be willing to risk helping?” Phîi Nùk spoke with understanding, and she had been aware of the relationship between me and Chôoe-Tǎem for a while now.
It might even have been from the very beginning. I just don't know how she knew. And the reason she didn't object was because...
“Phîi is confident that Khǎi will make Nông Tǎem happy.”
“Thank you.” Right now, I can only say these words, while the other party shook her head a little, before heaving a deep sigh.
“Phîi is the one who's bad. Just thinking about having to claim to be busy on my child's birthday, and thinking he will be hurt, Phîi already feels upset. So, make it succeed. Console Nông Tǎem for Phîi.” I have never been surprised that Chôoe-Tǎem loves this woman more than anyone, because from any angle, Phîi Nùk is Chôoe-Tǎem's Mâe.
The two of them might not share real blood, but the love and bond between these two is strong, no different from people who share blood. And maybe even more.
“I will try.”
“Make sure you (Khun) do it, Sí.”
“If I promise and then can't do it, it's meaningless.”
“Have a little confidence in yourself. Khǎi is more important to Nông Tǎem than anyone.”
A faint smile. I looked into the other's eyes, and Phîi Nùk seemed to know what I would ask, because she continued.
“I won't be with him all the time anymore. And the person who will be with him, who will take care of him from now on is Khǎi...or isn't that true?” What else could I do but utter one sentence, with a look more serious than ever.
“I will make it succeed.”
Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem
“Is Mâe really busy, Khráp?”
[Sorry, Nông Tǎem. That day, Mâe's company happens to have a seminar upcountry. Will Nông Tǎem go with Mâe?]
“Where could Nông Tǎem go? Before Nông Tǎem's birthday, Nông Tǎem still has the final exam the day before.” I know I am being sulky, but there has never been a birthday year where Mâe wasn't here to celebrate with me. I don't want gifts or luxurious food. I just want to be with important people on an important day. Also, my birthday this year happens to be the day after exams finish, which means I will have completed my studies. So I thought Mâe would come to be happy with me. But it turns out Mâe is busy.
My heart knows that Mâe's work is important. Knows that I shouldn't be stubborn. But let me be a little sulky, Thòe.
“Nông Tǎem really wants to have a meal with Mâe too.”
[Then can we celebrate beforehand?]
“It's okay, Khráp, Mâe. Later Mâe will have to prepare for the seminar too. It would just be tiring. We can do it...after that.” In the end, I was the one who stopped Mâe, because my heart knows I'm grown up now, and just not eating at home on a birthday isn't a big deal. Most of my friends celebrate with their romantic partners instead of their parents.
[Sorry, Mâe. That day, Mâe has entrusted Nông Tǎem to Khǎi already. And when Mâe returns from the seminar, we'll celebrate, okay? Celebrate the new graduate-to-be too.] Mâe said comfortingly. And what could I do but nod dejectedly and accept, before hanging up.
Thump.
“Hmm, what's wrong?”
After hanging up, I walked into the bedroom, saw Phîi Khǎi leaning back reading a Thai language book, because he said he was practicing Thai to become proficient, even though I think he is already too good. Then I dropped down to sit beside him and...buried my forehead against his broad shoulder, asking for emotional support.
Can't wheedle Mâe, wheedling Phîi Khǎi is still good.
“Mâe said she has to go to a seminar on my birthday this year.”
“Is that so?”
“Phîi Khǎi already knew, didn't you (Khun)? Mâe said she entrusted Tǎem to Phîi Khǎi, Nîi.” I said sulkily, because the other person happened to know first. And that made the big person put his book down, then put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close, until I could feel his warm body. So I leaned against his chest.
“Can't you (thooe) spend it with me instead?”
“It's not that I can't, Phîi Khǎi. But Phîi Khǎi is already with me… Isn't that right, Khráp?” I bounced up, thinking he might not be with me either. A wave of hurt welled up to my throat. And that made Phîi Khǎi pull my head back to his shoulder again, planting a kiss on the top of my head gently.
“Then how about spending it with me instead?” Once he comforted me, the hurt slowly melted away.
That's right. I can have a meal with Mâe after the birthday, can't I?
“Hmm. Then what does Phîi Khǎi want to eat? So I can make it right.”
“It's your (thooe) birthday. You (thooe) have to tell me what you (thooe) want to eat.” Phîi Khǎi argued, but I laughed immediately.
“Acting like Phîi Khǎi can cook. You (Khun) can't even chop vegetables without hitting your (Khun) finger yet, Khráp.”
His face fell immediately, huh. So I had to look up and quickly plant a kiss on his mouth.
“I will do it myself. I want to make it for Phîi Khǎi to eat.”
“I like that too. But that day, don't bother.” I tilted my head, looking at the person who hadn't finished speaking, and he added.
“Let's celebrate outside.”
“Wasteful, extravagant.” I argued, even though I am not as broke as before.
Now I have more savings than some people who have worked their whole lives, because Phîi Khǎi forced it on me by transferring money into my account without a word. At first, it was tens of thousands, then it became hundreds of thousands. The latest, when I told him I would graduate with first-class honors for sure, a million came rushing in almost immediately. When I argued, Phîi Khǎi said it was a reward for a good student. Which lately, I have come to accept what he gives.
Last year, what did Têl say again?
Ouch, Phîi Tǎem thinks you (mueng) didn't get it for free, you know? You're romantic partners, it's true, but you've given yourself to him, how much is that worth? Just take what he gives. A Miia taking her Phǔa's money isn't wrong. And using the money to take care of your (mueng) Nông, that's extremely brilliant.
So brilliant I wanted to jump and slap his head three times in a row. But I started to agree.
I didn't receive it for free. Phîi Khǎi gives it on the basis that I am his Miia. Providing for and taking care of me isn't strange...right, wá?
However, having money doesn't mean one can spend extravagantly. Who knows if there might be a day when Phîi Khǎi's money jar breaks, right? I am not cursing him, but seeing the level of 'pay' he gives me, it might have dwindled until there's almost nothing left. Or should I fully control Phîi Khǎi's spending...like controlling his wallet or something.
“A special occasion.” Phîi Khǎi said one word, then planted a kiss on my cheek.
"Ná."
“Cheater.” I hit his chest once, because I lose to this tone of voice every time.
“And..."
“Okay, Khráp. But don't do like before, where we went to eat some crazy course meal. One course per person cost tens of thousands.” I emphasized to him. Phîi Khǎi was silent for a moment, before nodding slowly.
“Not tens of thousands each.”
“Then it's okay, Khráp. Sigh. I should go study more. It's the final stretch before graduation.” I gave a smile to Phîi Khǎi, then tilted my cheek for him to kiss. After that, I got up from the bed to grab my textbooks to continue reading, not feeling suspicious of the other's words at all. If I thought about it carefully, with someone like Phîi Khǎi, if it's not tens of thousands each, it certainly wouldn't drop to thousands or hundreds. With this person...it only ever gets upgraded. And how many digits would be left to make my hair stand on end again!
“I have never been to Asiatique. Âi'Ker said there are lots of restaurants.”
On my birthday, I was looking up at the Ferris wheel, the prominent symbol of Asiatique, while speaking to the person who got out of the car to stand beside me. The other person asked immediately.
“Want to ride it, Mǎi?”
“Not at all, Khráp, Phîi Khǎi.” When I was a youth, I rode a Ferris wheel, and it swung so much I never thought I would ride one again in this life. So I turned to smile at Phîi Khǎi, and then had to startle when he reached out to take my hand, holding it tightly, leading me to walk along the riverside promenade.
“Let me hold it.”
“Other people are looking, Khráp.” I asked uncertainly, but when Phîi Khǎi leaned down to meet my eyes while pulling my hand to his lips to kiss, I almost forgot to breathe.
“I only care about you (thooe).”
Ugh. He kisses my hand often, but doing it in a public place and saying words like this, my face is like it's on fire.
Since he said that, I stopped caring about the curious looks from others, which was only for a moment. I started to enjoy the atmosphere around me. The riverside on one side was full of restaurants, the side with several large boats docked waiting for tourists wanting dinner while cruising the Chao Phraya River. Not to mention the warm breeze blowing the hot air against my face, but it felt unbelievably good.
“Want to take pictures, Mǎi?” Phîi Khǎi turned to look at the many people taking pictures by the water. I immediately handed him my mobile phone (the new one Phîi Khǎi bought for me last year).
Anyway, I am a youth who likes taking pictures.
“Make me look handsome, Ná, Phîi Khǎi.”
“Then I probably can't do that.”
“Wow, Phîi Khǎi thinks Tǎem isn't handsome, Rǔue?” He lowered the phone in his hand, looked into my eyes, and spoke seriously.
“You're (thooe) attractive.”
Thump.
Fine, I can accept being attractive, wá.
After Phîi Khǎi pressed the shutter several times, he handed it back. But I didn't take it to check the pictures. I pulled Phîi Khǎi's hand to the front of a large three-deck boat, then switched to the front camera, leaning my head close to Phîi Khǎi's, holding up two fingers. The person beside me raised a slight smile, making his handsome, sharp face even more pleasing to look at.
Click.
I looked at the photo with satisfaction, then immediately set that picture as my lock screen.
“Okay, Phîi Khǎi, let's eat. I'm hungry.” I raised a hand to rub my stomach, because people around here said not to eat anything yet, to have one big meal later. So I saved my stomach to wait. And now it was past six in the evening. As soon as I said that, Phîi Khǎi held my hand and walked on, but not far. He walked to a ticket collector not far away.
“Sorry, Khráp. Today, the boat...hmm!” That person froze immediately when Phîi Khǎi showed him something to look at. Then he looked up, turned to look at my face, before breaking into a wide smile showing every tooth.
“Welcome Khun Khǒng-khǎit to our boat, Khráp.” That man turned to nod at another woman who quickly stepped forward with two flowers.
“Excuse me, Khâ.” Then she pinned a flower on Phîi Khǎi's shirt lapel. But when she was about to pin one on me, snap,
Phîi Khǎi grabbed it instead and turned to face me, lifting his hand to pin that flower on me himself with a possessive manner, making me blush hotly. I felt like all eyes were on me somehow. My mouth asked softly.
“The celebration you (Khun) mentioned is a dinner cruise, Rǔue, Phîi Khǎi.”
“Do you (thooe) like it?”
“If I answer that I like it, would it go against my concept, Mǎ?” I asked him shyly. I'm frugal, you know, thrifty. But when Phîi Khǎi took me for a dinner cruise, the lump of flesh in my chest swelled with pride, plus it beat thump-thump until I couldn't catch the rhythm. I could only let Phîi Khǎi hold my hand and lead me onto the boat, not yet thinking about why only we were allowed to board by the staff. Once we stepped on,
“Welcome aboard the...Khâ.” Nearly ten staff members said in unison, making me startle violently. I looked around the boat where there was only us, and comforted myself thinking the others must have gone up to the third deck, the rooftop. Until I looked up at the person beside me.
“Sit inside here or upstairs?”
“Upstairs, Khráp.”
I answered without a second thought. Having come for a cruise, how could I stay cooped up in an air-conditioned room? Like this, I have to soak in the atmosphere to make the money spent worth it. Phîi Khǎi nodded, then walked holding my hand up to the third deck of the boat. But once we stepped up and the river wind hit our faces...
I opened my eyes wide in extreme surprise.
Not a single other customer!
Now the third deck of the boat had only one large dining table set in front of a small raised stage where a singer and musicians were standing by ready. On the table was a large candlestick covered with a heart-shaped silk lampshade to prevent the wind from blowing out the flame. And on one chair, a large bouquet of flowers was placed. Until I grabbed Phîi Khǎi's arm tightly, looking up at him in shock.
He turned to look at me and then...extended his arm straight in front of me.
“Dinner with me, Ná.”
I froze. I was stunned. I couldn't speak. I could only look at everything in front of me with feelings that were flooding into my heart. Because Phîi Khǎi prepared all of this for me. The entire boat, which could hold six hundred people, had only me aboard to admire the beauty of the colorful lights behind and the Chao Phraya River flowing gently in front, while beside me the best man in the world was waiting to hear an answer from his partner today.
Snap.
“Uh, yeah.” I extended a trembling hand to hold his arm, my heart shaking even more as I was led to the table in the middle of the boat. I accepted the huge bouquet of flowers to hug tightly and cherish. Even though I am a man, when receiving flowers from the man I love, I am so happy I can't stop smiling.
“Welcome Khun Khǒng-khǎit and Khun Thǎem-rák to our boat, Khâ. Tonight, we will take you both on a journey along the beautiful and romantic river. May this evening be a wonderful evening, Khâ.” The singer on stage gave a welcome speech, making me glance over, and then my face heated up on its own. Because I am sure everyone is looking at me with teasing smiles somehow. And without opening my mouth to say it, they probably already know we are romantic partners.
“Phîi Khǎi, don't tell me you (Khun) chartered the whole boat.” I asked uncertainly, because the names I heard were only two for sure. And that made the person sitting opposite give a smile.
“Hmm. I wanted to have dinner with just the two of you (thooe). Happy birthday.” I also wanted to scold him for being wasteful, but when he says this, my heart melts. I tried to make a stern, fierce face, but couldn't do it, because in the end, a wide smile appeared.
“Thank you, Khráp. As for the price, we'll discuss it at home, okay?”
Why are you (mueng) avoiding my eyes? Tǎem hasn't said anything to you (Khun) yet.
I couldn't hold back my smile anymore, feeling like my mouth might split all the time, the corners of my mouth curving up, my heart beating hard. Well, if Phîi Khǎi put in this much effort, what could I say, Khráp? Besides, my heart is this happy. Isn't it better to just enjoy the moment Phîi Khǎi has created?
“The boat is moving, Phîi Khǎi! It's moving!”
Suddenly, I exclaimed excitedly as the boat was leaving the pier, moving into the large river, with love songs playing softly to set the atmosphere.
“Do you (thooe) like it?”
“Yeah!” This time, I nodded so hard my neck almost came off. I felt the wind blowing against my body, making me look left and right like a youth who got a new toy. Because normally, I never thought I would have a chance to go on a cruise, let alone charter the whole boat. It doesn't get more exclusive than this.
My demeanor made Phîi Khǎi smile too.
After that, food started to be served in succession. I had heard from Âi'Ker before that when he went on a cruise with his Phîi, the food was buffet style. But this wasn't. It came as a course, starting with appetizers, then arriving dish by dish. And I took pictures of every dish, just like when Phîi Khǎi took me to eat a course meal costing tens of thousands exactly.
“Isn't Phîi Khǎi eating, Khráp?”
“Looking at you (thooe) is already satisfying.”
“Cheesy. I don't look delicious when eating like Têl, Phîi Khǎi.” My Rahad Nông, no matter what he eats, he looks delicious eating it, especially free stuff.
“But you (thooe) look more delicious.”
Thump.
Wait, who looks delicious?
I stared with wide eyes, then met with a faint smile, along with a large hand that moved to touch the corner of my mouth gently.
“Eat, Thòe. I am feeling excited.”
Wow, with a face like that, or ever been excited?
I bit my romantic partner in my heart, but lowered my head to continue with the food, alternating with looking at the changing scenery. From the crowded, bustling atmosphere of Asiatique, it became a tranquility that seemed to have only the two of us and the beautiful music playing continuously without interruption.
Happy. Very happy. Very, very, very happy.
Not just because of the delicious food. Not just because of the romantic atmosphere. Not just because of the private band. But because...this man is here.
“Phîi Khǎi, the Rama VIII Bridge, Khráp!” I looked up at the bridge, which looked beautiful and dazzling at night, took out my mobile phone to take a picture of the bridge, and was about to get up to take a couple selfie with the person opposite, if not for Phîi Khǎi reaching out to grab my hand, holding it with his warm hand. Until I turned to look in confusion.
“What is it, Khráp?” Phîi Khǎi didn't answer. He turned to nod at the singer who was waiting for a signal.
“Phîi Khǎi.”
I called out in confusion, before the confusion turned to surprise, because the melody that floated to my ears was so familiar I had to turn to look.
“Let your heart side with yourself every time
That there will be you with me
Even if today is not yet that day, I will still dream, still wait
Wait for the word ‘love’ to be given only to you
The one I keep murmuring in my heart…”
In my heart there is no room for anyone else.
I want tomorrow you to know and understand… that there is someone."
Even without turning to look, I knew immediately what song this was...'The Night the Stars Fill the Sky.'
I turned back to meet Phîi Khǎi's eyes, who was still holding my hand. And now he was holding it with both hands, pulling my hand to his lips to kiss gently. The sharp, fierce eyes I once thought belonged to a villain were staring only at my face, looking into my eyes, making my heart shake terrifyingly.
Phîi Khǎi's gaze told me...how much he loves me.
We didn't have any more conversation than that. I looked into his eyes, he looked into mine, letting the beautiful song surround us in the riverside atmosphere with the backdrop of a bridge that is among the most beautiful in my heart. And I squeezed his hand back, looked to let Phîi Khǎi know that I am listening, I receive what Phîi is telling me.
“On the night the stars fill the sky, I imagine your face
Dreaming far away, not seeing them as stars
The moon that looks so bright, is it like your heart?
If it is true, I will take the moon, to put in my heart...”
The song ended, while our eyes were still locked. Then Phîi Khǎi stood up.
Thud.
“Phîi Khǎi, Khráp!” I was almost scared to death when he stood up to kneel on one knee in front of me. And then he brought the words from years ago to say to me.
“Chôoe-Tǎem. You (thooe) know, right, that the song just now is a love song?”
I nodded.
“And you (thooe) know, right, that I am telling you (thooe) I love you (thooe)?”
My eyes teared up. I nodded forcefully, squeezing Phîi Khǎi's hand tightly, feeling like I couldn't breathe from what he was doing for me. But that wasn't all. Phîi Khǎi probably thought I wasn't shocked enough, because he took something out and opened it in front of me.
“Marry me.”
My heart almost stopped beating, looking at the person who was proposing to me!!!!
“You (thooe) are the person I want to spend my life with until my last breath. Let me be 'some-Khǎi person' for you (thooe) forever, Ná.”
Sniff...sniff.
Suddenly, the first tear fell and hit my cheek. Then it was followed by the second, the third drop, along with my body that dropped down to hug Phîi Khǎi until he almost fell over. I nodded hard and could only tell him.
“Yes!!! Be together...be together forever, okay, Phîi Khǎi!” I hugged him tightly, telling him with a choked voice because I was sobbing, while Phîi Khǎi held my body and rocked me back and forth like a little-one, kissing my temple gently.
“Happy birthday. Thank you for being born for me to love.”
I felt a cold sensation on the ring finger of my left hand, making me look down, and found the ring that had been in the box was now on my finger. I could only stare at the large diamond ring, afraid my finger would break. It was huge. The stone was huge. But that wasn't what made me cry until I could barely see. It was the person who was wiping my tears.
I looked through the curtain of tears, trying to hold back my sobs to say.
“Thank you...thank you for everything that made me be born to love Phîi...I love you (Khun), Ná, Phîi Khǎi.”
After that, I don't remember much, besides his smile, the warm touch pressed firmly on my lips, and the embrace from which we would never let go.
Thank you for everything that made me meet this man. The person who taught me to know my own worth, and is the person I love...love with all my heart.
Today is a birthday...the birthday of falling in love with the man named Khǒng-khǎit for the umpteenth time. I can't remember.
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