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Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem
“No-no, I (chǎn) don’t dare to carry her.”
“It’s not hard to carry, Khráp. The Nông isn’t weak-necked like before at all. Right, Thîi-rák?”
“See, Khráp? Nông even says she’s easy to carry.”
Right now, I am holding back laughter with all my might, watching a man built like a tower shake his head vigorously, taking several steps back, fleeing from the little girl just over a year old that I am trying to hand to him, right in front of him, until he has to bend down to chatter sweetly with my beloved step-sister, Sùt-thîi-rák. The little girl lets out a clear cry, smiling so sweetly and brightly that I really want to give her a big squeeze.
I might have once resented Thîi-rák for taking Mâe away, but now... I am utterly smitten with my Nông.
Just look. A young woman with fair skin, wearing a sweet-colored hairband that matches her extremely dark brown hair. Big, round eyes, a small mouth, making sounds that are sometimes words, sometimes not. And she’s being clingy, because she’s trying to get back into my embrace, so I tighten my hold and she immediately throws her arms around my neck..... Absolutely adorable. Truly worthy of being my Nông.
As for why my Nông is in Khǎi’s room today, it’s because today Mâe is busy with my stepfather. So I volunteered to look after my Nông myself. Mâe came in the morning along with a basket of Thîi-rák’s necessities, taking notes on what needed to be done, even though I pretty much know because I have been helping Mâe take care of my Nông often lately.
Oh, Thîi-rák is a year and a little bit old now.
Right now she’s at the age where she’s learning to talk. And I have fallen for my Nông even more, because....
“Tǎem Tǎem.”
“Remember, Thîi-rák.”
“Arayyy!” My Nông raises her hands to cover her face, shaking her head back and forth as if shy that I kissed her cheek, making it impossible for me not to kiss the other cheek, inhaling the scent of fragrant baby powder deep into my lungs.
“It would be even better if you called me Phîi Tǎem. Come on, Phîi Tǎem.”
“Tǎem Tǎem.”
“Phîi Tǎem.”
“Tǎem Tǎem.”
“Ugh, so cute.” I try to get my Nông to call me Phîi Tǎem, but she still calls me Tǎem Tǎem as before. Plus, when I look into her deep, round eyes, my heart trembles. Well, if my Nông insists on calling me Tǎem Tǎem, then being Tǎem Tǎem is fine. So I turn to make eye contact with another person who looks like they want to come closer but isn’t brave enough.
“Then call me Khǎi Khǎi too.”
“Maa maa.”
“Wait, what does that have to do with ‘maa maa’? Phîi Tǎem said Khǎi Khǎi, Khráp.”
“Pai pai.”
“No, that’s not it. It’s Khǎi Khǎi, Thîi-rák.” I wrinkle my nose at my Nông, and Thîi-rák lightly taps my mouth, making me burst out laughing because the act of teaching my Nông to call the other man’s name so he’ll be smitten too seems like a long road ahead. So I give her cheek another squeeze, then turn to look at Phîi Khǎi again.
“Try carrying her, Khráp, Phîi Khǎi. You (Phîi) still haven’t carried Thîi-rák even once.”
Most of the time when we go to Mâe’s house with me, Phîi Khǎi sits waiting quietly, or talks with Mâe (because my stepfather is afraid of Phîi Khǎi). At most, he comes to peek glances at the little one who is now learning to walk. But he has never touched or carried her even once. And since Thîi-rák is here today, I am trying to get Phîi Khǎi to try it once.
Yet the extremely large man takes several more steps back.
“I (chǎn) am big. My hands are heavy.”
“What ‘heavy hands’? Phîi Khǎi has never hurt Tǎem even once.” I retort immediately, because a person this big has never been rough with me. Not even rough, he doesn’t even hold my hand hard enough to leave a mark. Even back then.
Ah, my cheeks feel hot.
At a time like that, Phîi Khǎi was extremely gentle, never hurting me physically. Sure, there was soreness, but never pain so bad I couldn’t get up, marks on my body, or anything like that has ever happened. Therefore, I am confident he would never hurt Thîi-rák.
“But a little child is not the same.” He still argues, making me pause for a moment and tilt my head.
“Don’t tell me Phîi Khǎi has never been close to a child.”
Phîi Khǎi makes a face like he’s eaten bitter medicine, well, if frowning and scowling counts, making my eyes widen.
“Really?”
“Never. When would I (chǎn) have had the time to be close to a youth?”
Phîi Khǎi grew up in a boarding school, his family is all gone, he has no relatives. When would he have had time to be around young children? I am the same. If it weren’t for Mâe having Thîi-rák, I wouldn’t know how to take care of or carry a youth either. Until I walk closer to him and quickly say, that’s true.
“Is Phîi Khǎi running away from Tǎem?”
Thud.
When I said that, Phîi Khǎi immediately fell silent, making a disagreeing face at the notion that he’s running away from me, making me smile slightly and look down at the little girl still clinging tightly to my neck.
“Thîi-rák is so cute, right? Why is Uncle Khǎi afraid of a little-one?” I chat with my Nông, and Thîi-rák tilts her head, absolutely adorable. Then I hold my Nông with one hand, stretch the other hand to pull Phîi Khǎi’s arm closer, and place it on the small back of Sùt-thîi-rák, saying in a coaxing tone.
“See? Children aren’t scary at all, Phîi Khǎi.”
Your face is scarier.
Of course, I won’t say that out loud.
“I (chǎn) am not afraid like that. I (chǎn) am afraid I’ll hurt her.” Phîi Khǎi argues a little, but he agrees to gently stroke the small back, and I can see that Phîi Khǎi seems a bit more relaxed than before. Even if not one hundred percent, it’s enough for me to hand my Nông over to him.
“Try carrying her, Ná.” I plead with him, and Phîi Khǎi looks back with a hesitant gaze.
“If you (thooe) help...”
“Uh-huh, Tǎem will help. Tǎem will support her bottom, in case you (Phîi) lose your grip.”
No way. Someone like Phîi Khǎi would never drop Thîi-rák and hurt her.
I am confident, but still add to reassure him. Then I hold my Nông facing the large man, looking at the other party who has stretched out his hands. The pair of sharp eyes look down at the deep, round eyes of my Nông.
“Let me (chǎn) carry you, please.” He tells my Nông.
Now the two pairs of eyes meet, motionless. Then Phîi Khǎi slowly brings my Nông closer. However...
“Eek! Eek! Eek! Waaaaaaah!”
Suddenly, Thîi-rák lets out a loud, echoing cry, making Phîi Khǎi flinch and jerk his hand back almost too late. As for me, I quickly bring my Nông back into my embrace, patting her back in shock mixed with surprise, not understanding why my Nông suddenly started crying. Since arriving here, she hadn’t made a single whimper, seemed to be in a good mood, laughing ek-ak all the time.
“Shh, shh, shh. Tǎem Tǎem is here. Tǎem Tǎem is here, Nǎa. Don’t cry, good child. Shh, shh.” I try to soothe her into silence, rocking gently back and forth while making eye contact with Phîi Khǎi, who looks like he’s now afraid of himself, because he quickly steps back to flee, even though those eyes are still looking at the little youth despondently.
“Hic. Hic. Ngeeeeh.” My Nông sniffles softly, but then suddenly stops crying stubbornly, leaving only a face with tear stains that I have to wipe gently.
“Why were you crying, hmm?”
Thîi-rák shakes her head, using her hand to wipe her own face, and that makes me try again.
“One more time, Phîi Khǎi.” I make a move to hand my Nông to Phîi Khǎi again, but the moment our eyes meet, “Eek! Hic!”
My Nông opens her mouth immediately, then tries to get back into my embrace.
“Shh, shh. Why are you crying? Why are you crying, hmm? Uncle Khǎi isn’t scary.”
“Ngeeeeh!” Thîi-rák seems to be trying to argue that whether Uncle Khǎi is scary or not, making me, who was startled at first, finally become amused, because it seems like... my Nông is afraid of Uncle Khǎi’s gaze!
Oho! Just like her Phîi! I also used to dislike Uncle Khǎi’s gaze!
I laugh loudly in my heart, but have to hold it back with all my might. Otherwise, Uncle Khǎi will get sulky too, because just this is sulky enough already.
“She must be afraid of me (chǎn).”
There, Phîi Khǎi’s neck sinks. He seems to want to try carrying her too.
“My Nông is just not used to it, Khráp, Phîi Khǎi.”
“Is that so?”
I nod with all my might, even though I don’t know myself how long it will take for Thîi-rák to get used to Uncle Khǎi. Just look. His face is good-looking, but his eyes are Ruthless Ruthless. Of course a child would be afraid. But I try to encourage him for now, knowing well that this man is only Ruthless in appearance. And when he makes a face like he wants to come closer, you know what I think of?
It’s like a Phôo wants to carry his child, but the child is attached to the Mâe.
I think I have been with Nông Gôk too much, starting to pick up some audacious thoughts. How could I think of parent and child?
I quickly shake my head, then turn to comfort the little girl in my embrace again.
“Later, Tǎem Tǎem will make some ‘num-num’ for Thîi-rák to eat, Ná.” Mâe taught me how to make baby food, so it’s not hard. And I also know that my Nông eats easily. She started eating bananas at six months. At seven or eight months she could eat mashed rice. Right now, my Nông is also completely weaned.
“Num-num.” The moment my Nông hears that, she turns to look at my face immediately.
“Hungry now, are you? Was crying not because you’re afraid of Uncle Khǎi, but because you want ‘num-num’, eh?” It seems Thîi-rák isn’t paying attention to my words, focused on the word ‘num-num’. So I place my Nông down on the cushion spread on the floor, which the moment I put her down,
Whoosh.
“Hey!” Whoever said a youth just over a year has little strength is wrong. The moment she’s put on the floor, Thîi-rák starts crawling skillfully off the cushion, making me quickly turn back to grab her almost too late.
“Can Phîi Khǎi watch my Nông for Tǎem? Tǎem will make food for my Nông, and lunch for us too.” I turn to look at Phîi Khǎi, because even if he can’t carry my Nông, he can help watch so she doesn’t crawl around the room and hurt herself. He nods, follows me, stops his feet in front of Thîi-rák. The moment his shadow falls over her, Thîi-rák looks up.
“Hic! Waaaaaaaaah!”
What is this, looking up at a giant and opening your mouth to cry immediately!
I quickly pick up my Nông to comfort her, rocking back and forth, then turn to look at Phîi Khǎi’s face, which is making a troubled expression. Then I swallow.
It seems taking care of my Nông today won’t be easy.
“Here, ‘num-num’, quick, ‘num-num’.”
After I have to carry my Nông into the kitchen with me, cooking while holding her, I sit down exhausted on the floor in front of the small high chair Mâe also brought. Then I try to feed soft vegetable egg porridge into her mouth. Thîi-rák eats easily, opening her mouth to accept it. But it’s not that my Nông doesn’t play with her food.
Right now, Thîi-rák is trying to grab the rice bowl to hold herself, and makes a move to pour it on the floor. I grab it just in time. But when I turn to look... she makes a face as cheater as Phîi Khǎi’s.
“Is it delicious? It’s delicious, right?”
“Uhh-huh.” My Nông nods vigorously, then opens her mouth waiting for another spoonful. I keep feeding her, nearly dying of suspense until the bowl is empty, while another person at the dining table eating fried macaroni cranes his neck to look.
“Skilled, Ná.”
Does he mean my Nông eats skillfully, or that I am skilled at feeding?
I glare at the person who seems unable to help me with anything, and that makes Phîi Khǎi’s face stiffen a bit. He grabs a plastic cup with a penguin pattern and fills it with warm water, then hands it to me as if saying he wants to help.
“Want to feed my Nông?”
Phîi Khǎi turns to make eye contact with Thîi-rák..... My Nông is about to open her mouth to cry.
“It’s better not. You (thooe) do it.” Phîi Khǎi retreats back to the dining table.
“And you (thooe) aren’t eating?”
“It’s okay, Phîi Khǎi. Tǎem will finish managing Thîi-rák first.” I say that, then feed her until finished, wipe her mouth, take the bib to wash and clean along with Thîi-rák’s eating utensils with hurried efficiency, since Thîi-rák is already crawling back to the living room.
“Alright. I should eat a little.”
When done, I tell myself I’ll grab my plate to eat while watching my Nông.
But...
“Chôoe-Tǎem.”
Phîi Khǎi, who is watching Thîi-rák from afar, calls me first. He even points for me to look in the same direction.
“Hey!!!” Suddenly, I shout out loud, when my utterly adorable Nông is bending down to squat… and then... strains.
I don’t even have time to run to my Nông. Thîi-rák makes a face... all relieved.
“Ugh! You just finish eating and then let go, is that it?!” I pick up my Nông to smell her bottom. The scent is wafting already. By now her diaper must be full. So I grab the basket of necessities that has baby powder, diapers, and diapers, then run to the bathroom while carrying Thîi-rák, even though my heart is beginning to recall Phôo’s kindness.
Mâe died when she gave birth to me. So, the person who had to do this duty was Phôo. And Phôo alone raised both me and worked. Just thinking about it, I feel tired for Phôo.
Here I am, just taking care of my Nông for a few hours. However, not long after that, I understand that the exhaustion can be alleviated by an innocent smile.
After I finish changing my Nông’s diaper, Thîi-rák crawls to clamber onto me, hugs my neck, then gives me a kiss on the cheek that makes me break into a wide smile. I pull the little one close to kiss her left and right cheeks until clear laughter rings out. Of course, with Phîi Khǎi observing from afar.
“Come here, quick. Thîi-rák, walk to Phîi Tǎem, quick.” I move to the other side, telling my Nông who has started walking. And now Thîi-rák is standing on two legs about to walk to me. But just three steps,
Splat.
The little one goes down to use her hands on the floor again, then crawls to me anyway, making me laugh uncontrollably.
“You said you were good at walking now, hmm?” I think it’s funny, then get up briskly.
I hold Thîi-rák’s two hands, place my Nông’s little feet on top of my feet, then start walking step by step.
“Tǎem Tǎem! Tǎem Tǎem!” My Nông cries out excitedly when being held to walk on my legs. She seems to be having so much fun she gives a sweet, bright smile, looking up at me and laughing clearly. So I hold her and walk her around the room, and see the little one seems hooked.
“Again! Again!”
“What’s this, you can talk? Then why can’t you call Uncle Khǎi, hmm?” Thîi-rák has a habit of turning to look at Phîi Khǎi’s face, then shaking her bob back to give me another sweet smile, making me reward her by walking her around the room one more round.
I think I can take care of my Nông well. But if it’s often... I’d have to think again.
***
"Your name is Pinocchio. You shall be my good son."
Hmm, who turned on the TV?
I mumble in my throat, feeling so sleepy I can’t open my eyes, when a soft, deep voice cuts through the drowsiness in my head.
"And you must go to school. Can you promise me?"
What? Tǎem goes to school every day. I hardly ever skip. Even if Phîi Khǎi doesn’t make me promise, I wouldn’t skip anyway.
I retort to the familiar voice in my heart. But as I am about to go back to guarding the Lord Indra, my brain suddenly realizes why would Phîi Khǎi be speaking English in my face, and that makes...
Fweep.
“Awake already?”
“Huh? What’s happening?”
[[Author's note 3: The Tale of Pinocchio**]]**
The moment I open my eyes, I see the most bizarre sight... the image of my Nông sitting on the lap of a Ruthless-faced giant without a single whimper, her eyes glued to the image on the iPad in Phîi Khǎi’s hands.
Meanwhile, Phîi Khǎi notices me because he bends down to ask, making me get up from the floor and find a blanket covering me.
I remember putting Thîi-rák down for a nap on the sleeping cushion, and suspect I must have dozed off too. But how come the person taking a nap is looking up to tug the sleeve of the large man who stopped reading mid-sentence?
“Khǎi Khǎi. Khǎi Khǎi.” My Nông tries to tug his shirt, trying to get him to continue, making me sit up, crane my neck to see what the two are watching, and then see the image from a classic cartoon from before I was born... Pinocchio... the lying boy with a long nose.
“I (chǎn) saw you (thooe) were tired so I (chǎn) didn’t wake you. And your Nông woke up.” Phîi Khǎi makes a troubled face.
“And then started crying.” My eyes pop open.
“You could have woken me, Khráp.”
“I (chǎn) saw you (thooe) were tired and wanted you to rest.”
The mood is like a Phôo sympathizing with a Mâe , huh.
My eyes grow even wider. Phîi Khǎi then continues, while glancing at something... a slipper shaped like a penguin.
“Your Nông would look at my face and cry, so I (chǎn) used this to cover my face. Your Nông then stopped crying.” Phîi Khǎi can’t smile. I can’t smile either, thinking of the large man having to use a shoe to cover his face to get close to my Nông.
“After a while, she agreed to sit on my lap.”
The weary look of someone who has just taken care of a youth for the first time makes me smile widely and move to sit on the sofa together.
“I (chǎn) didn’t know what to let her play with. She doesn’t know how to play with the toys in that basket. So I (chǎn) thought she might like fairy tales.” I look down at the iPad with the famous tale, then frown quickly.
Because it’s the English version, making Phîi Khǎi sigh another heavy sigh.
“I (chǎn) panicked. Thought of something and opened it first, so searched for fairy tales. When I (chǎn) started reading, she listened. I (chǎn) finished reading ‘The Rabbit and the Turtle’ one story already.” I look at Thîi-rák, who looks happy listening to the fairy tale, even though it’s in English, which I am sure Mâe and my stepfather haven’t taught her at all.
“Do you like the rabbit and the turtle, Thîi-rák?” My Nông gives me a sweet smile, patting the screen as if she wants to continue.
“And after finishing reading, she pointed to continue with this story.” Phîi Khǎi explains further, then quickly continues reading the fairy tale with his soft, deep voice, as the little child on his lap starts urging. So I move up to lean my head on Khǎi’s shoulder, listening to the pleasant voice lulling with the fairy tale.
“So nice.”
“Hmm?”
“Nothing, Khráp.” I shake my head slowly, leaning my head more against Phîi Khǎi. It’s not that I want to have a child or anything like that, because I know it’s impossible. But because I am happy that Phîi Khǎi can get along with my family, even if it requires enormous effort.
“Want to sleep more?”
“Nah. No. Want to hear Daddy [the English word] tell a fairy tale.” I give a smile, teasing Phîi Khǎi jokingly. He glances at the child on his lap, then...
Peck.
He quickly presses a kiss on my lips, staring at me seriously.
“You (thooe) are not a child. You are my Miia.”
“Ngeeeeh!” What can I do except bury my face against Phîi Khǎi’s shoulder, utterly shy.
Oh no! My mouth is about to split into a grin!
***
“Taking care of your Nông is tiring, isn’t it, junior?”
“Not tired at all.... Well, a little bit, Khráp.”
“Ha ha ha!”
I am looking at Mâe’s face, which laughs heartily the moment I confess that taking care of my Nông all day was more exhausting than I thought, because that noon and afternoon was just the first round. After that, there was also the evening round where suddenly Thîi-rák wouldn’t eat properly, throwing her spoon to play all over, and when trying to give her a bath she cried again, making Âi'Chôoe-Tǎem utterly exhausted, head drooping, hair disheveled.
“Hanging in there, Khǎi?” As for the person next to me, he’s no different.
I don’t know how others see Phîi Khǎi, but I see clearly that the wrinkles at the corners of Khǎi’s eyes have increased. His still eyes clearly show weariness. And Mâe must know because she smiles amusedly, then turns to look at her daughter, who is back in the embrace of her Phôo.
“You’re so naughty, our child. Look, you made Phîi Tǎem and Uncle Khǎi so tired.”
“Giggle giggle!” The little troublemaker (upgraded from beloved Sùt-thîi-rák) laughs gleefully with delight, before stretching her hand forward.
“Tǎem Tǎem.” When my Nông calls, I stretch my hand to take her and carry her again, giving her cheek a heavy kiss.
“So naughty, our child. If you do this, your Phîi will have a soft heart.” My Nông laughs again, then makes a move to lunge towards another person.
“Khǎi Khǎi.” Thîi-rák gives Phîi Khǎi a sweet smile too, making Phîi Khǎi stretch his hand to gently stroke her cheek. See? Someone like Phîi Khǎi wouldn’t hurt anyone, especially my beloved Sùt-thîi-rák.
“Alright. Time to go home.”
“Aah!” Once Mâe takes her daughter back, Thîi-rák cries out immediately, looking left and right, then makes a move to lunge back to me.
“Tǎem Tǎem! Uhh-huh! Hic!”
“Oh, crying now.” Mâe bends down to look in surprise, while Thîi-rák tries her best to come to me.
“No, you can’t, my dear. We’re going home now. Let Phîi Tǎem and Uncle Khǎi rest a bit.”
“Ngeeeeeeeeh!” Thîi-rák starts crying, making me hesitate to go take my Nông. But Mâe can still smile, telling me cheerfully, “Seems she’s attached to you two now. Someday, Mâe might ask to leave Thîi-rák with you again. But today Mâe is going back. It’s time for the cranky youth to go back and sleep.”
I still look at my Nông, who is handed to my stepfather, who then hugs his daughter and rocks her to comfort her.
“Thank you very much, Tǎem and Khun Khǎi.”
“It’s no problem, Khráp.”
“Just look at your face. Tomorrow Mâe will probably leave your Nông with you again.” Mâe says, knowing I am also getting attached to my Nông. And before having to take care of her for another day, Mâe waves goodbye, along with hauling the basket of necessities back with my stepfather.
Thump.
“Are you tired, Khráp, Phîi Khǎi?”
“And you (thooe) are lonely, aren’t you?”
Once everyone has left, Phîi Khǎi immediately drops himself to sit on the sofa, making me ask, but is countered with words that make me frown, though only for a moment before I slowly shake my head, looking around at the scattered pillows, the small and large penguin dolls that Phîi Khǎi bought for me to collect scattered all over, then drop myself to sit next to him.
“At first I was lonely. But looking at the state of the room... Tǎem would rather not be lonely.”
Phîi Khǎi lets out a smile, then raises his hand to stroke my head.
“Besides, me just having Phîi Khǎi alone is enough.” I give Phîi Khǎi a smile, then hug his waist tightly. The other party tightens his hold on me.
“Hmm. I (chǎn) am the same.” I smile widely, sitting still to rest for a long while, before saying as if remembering something.
“I think someday I will go buy toys for Thîi-rák. Picture books with sound are good, Ná. Seems Thîi-rák likes English.” My Nông’s birthday has passed, but I didn’t know what to give as a present, so I bought a pink hat. But looking at it, I might have an idea now of what to buy for her.
So I turn to ask for Phîi Khǎi’s opinion.
“Hmm. If you (thooe) say so.”
Phîi Khǎi will indulge me in everything, won’t he?
The thought makes me quickly open a calendar to see which days are free so we can go shopping together, by which I might have forgotten something... forgotten that the man by my side lacks common sense!
I find out when Mâe calls three days later.
[Nông Tǎem, what did you order for Thîi-rák, so much stuff, junior? Since morning there have been nothing but calls to Mâe saying they’re coming to deliver things!]
“Huh?!”
Over there, I cry out in surprise, glance at the tightly closed office door, then quickly walk over.
[There are stacks of fairy tale books, junior. And more educational toys. There’s a walking trainer for youths too. Oh, a potty for youth to learn to use the toilet. And also several sets of clothes.]
“Mâe doesn’t need to be shocked, Khráp. It’s a belated birthday present for Thîi-rák from Phîi Khǎi.”
[But...]
“Don’t worry, Khráp. That’s all there is, right?”
I open the office door, take the phone from Mâe, and...
“Stop buying right now, Phîi Khǎi!”
I see it... the screen is on a shopping page for children’s supplies.
The other party turns to look at me, his hand freezing, but too late to hide the screen, making him smile awkwardly.
“Phîi Khǎi, I said we would go buy together, Khráp. Buying like this, we won’t get to choose.” I say somewhat sulkily, but walk over to hug him from behind, dropping myself onto him.
“I saw you (thooe) wanted to give your Nông a present.”
“But it won’t have memories, Khráp, if you (Phîi) just click-click like this. You go together with me, Sí.” I know Phîi Khǎi will probably indulge me again as usual. Once I said I wanted to give my Nông a present, he just handled it. But sometimes, I want to spend time with him more, even if it takes longer to choose. And that makes Phîi Khǎi press to close the screen, reach his hand to pull me into a hug.
“If you (thooe) love your Nông, I (chǎn) want to love her too.”
Words that make me smile.
"I know.”
I know now that him paying for my Nông isn’t because he’s a sugar daddy all over, but he will pay for everyone he thinks is important to me. So, this time, forgive him because it’s better than paying for that Âi'Tern so much.
But, now Thîi-rák is attached to Phîi Khǎi. It’s not that in the future I will have to keep being jealous of Phîi Khǎi because of my Nông, right? But looking at Phîi Khǎi’s face, something like that won’t happen.
He loves me that much.
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