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Perspective Chôoe-Tǎem
Honk, Hooonk!
"Are you honking for your Phôo or what, I ask?" Newbie, bloody newbie.
[[Translator's Note: The Thai word ผม (Phŏm or Pŏm) is a first-person pronoun ("I") used by male speakers. It is the standard, polite, and formal pronoun for men. It is also the literal word for "hair." The intended meaning is always clear from context. I explained this here because there are multiple other first person pronouns in Thai.]]
I am someone familiar with the roads. I have battled through places they say are congested, hard to get to, full of cars, with drivers with terrible manners. But all of that I experienced on... the bus.
That's right. A poor person like me, how else would I get around if not by using those public transport vehicles, which, Mâe, aren't even air-conditioned? That wastes money.
Whether I ride an air-conditioned bus or a dusty open-air truck, I still reach my destination. And if you think it's just a few baht to buy some comfort, let me ask you in return, do you know how many packets of instant noodles those few baht can buy? How many life-saving meals? And if you only have just enough money to pay for the water and the dorm, exactly, those few baht are the ones that can save your life.
Right now, I am both irritated and disgusted with that comfortable, soft-seated car that's easy to sit in and drives smoothly, the damned one that's currently being honked at!
Okay, it's not the car's fault. It's my own fault.
I might have a driver's license.
I might have driven a car before this.
I might be brave enough to take a brand-new car out onto the roads.
But I ... am definitely a genuine newbie.
"Be calm a bit, Phîi, Ná. Don't hit this car, Wôoi. This one costs over three million. I won't get out and curse at you until you kowtow to the car; I will make you kowtow to the car owner by force." I mumble fearfully when a car cuts in front of me, because it couldn't tolerate that I had my turn signal on but still didn't dare to pull out.
[[Translator's Note: The Thai particle นะ (Ná) is a versatile word added to the end of a sentence to soften its tone. It makes a statement, suggestion, or question sound more friendly, encouraging, persuasive, or less abrupt. It often translates to the implied feeling of "okay?", "you know," "alright," or serves to gently emphasize a point.]]
In my heart, I am begging my precious Phôo and Mâe, please don't crash, don't crash. I (kuu) can't afford to pay for this one, it's over three million baht, Wôoi!
[[Translator's Note: The Thai pronoun กู (Gu or kuu) is a first-person pronoun ("I/me") that is extremely vulgar, arrogant, and offensive in most contexts. Its use is a severe social transgression. The only exception is in reciprocal use among the closest of male friends, where it can signal deep familiarity. When used directed at another person (e.g., "กู... มึง"), it is always a fighting word. Note too that when he calls on his mother and father he means the deceased ones and not his living stepmother.]]
When I first woke up, I already recited the protective chant three times in front of the car key once. I hesitated strongly about whether I should drive it to return it myself, or take the bus and ask that rich guy to come get his car back. But after thinking it over, if I don't take it, he won't come get it anyway. So, I walked out and recited the chant another three times in front of the car, resigned to running to buy a steering wheel wreath at the mouth of the alley, then came to place it on the car's dashboard, pleading with it directly... don't crash, you (meung).
[[Translator's Note: The Thai pronoun มึง (Meung) is a second-person pronoun ("you") that is extremely vulgar, derogatory, and offensive. Its use is a profound insult and a serious social violation, directly implying the listener is of lower status or deserving of contempt. The sole exception is in reciprocal use among the closest of male friends, where it signals deep familiarity. It is the standard paired pronoun for "กู (Gu)" ("I"), and their combination is a hallmark of a hostile confrontation or an intimate, vulgar camaraderie.]]
Damn shit-lizard, the wreath cost a whole 10 baht! Wasteful!
I am grumbling incessantly, thinking about my previous driving experience makes me tired. I can drive because Mâe taught me to drive. Mâe has a semi-old, semi-new, trusted Japanese car. Mâe said since the house has a car, I should know how to drive, so it would be convenient when going places. But the reason I agreed to learn was because Mâe said...
If Mâe falls or gets sick, Nông Tàem can take Mâe to the hospital immediately, right?...
Huh.
As soon as Mâe finished speaking, I burst into tears, hugged Mâe, and whined loudly that Mâe isn't sick, no, she's not unwell, Mâe is strong as an ox, Mâe must stay with Tàem for a long time. But in the end, I still agreed to learn to drive. But after Mâe remarried, I stubbornly moved out because I didn't want to be a burden on anyone. So I hardly ever touched a car. There were only a few times when Âi'Ker played games too heavily, was too sleepy to drive, so he threw the car keys to me and told me to drive instead.
But sorry, driving on the university grounds is not the same as going out on the road, Wôoi!
In the end, my efforts bear fruit... the extremely luxurious, dazzlingly expensive, high-class condominium, so fancy you feel like kicking the owner off the building, towers before me.
"I (kuu) park like this, Wá. I (kuu) can't reverse into a parking space. I (kuu) will just ram it in like this."
After making contact and exchanging cards, as soon as I see an empty parking space, I just ram the front in, to bloody fucking park it.
"Thank you for bringing me to my destination."
Before getting out of the car, I bow to the steering wheel wreath three more times. If I could recite a thank you chant like giving thanks for a meal back in elementary school, I would chant it for it to hear. Finally, I get out and stand beside the beautiful car, stroking the door lightly. I admit it, this one is very beautiful, but... I (kuu) don't want it.
One... I (kuu) hate the face of the person who gave it.
Two... I (kuu) don't like receiving free things, because truly free things, bloody fuck, don't exist in this world.
And the last and most important point... gas is expensive!
I (kuu) don't even have money to eat; I (kuu) am not dim-witted enough to take you on as a burden!
I mentally throw a hammer at that handsome car, before deciding to pull out my phone and call the person I want to talk to the least.
Bloody fuck, he answers but doesn't speak. Is he psycho, Wá?
"I am below your condominium. I have brought the car back."
[I (chǎn) don't take it back.]
[[Translator's Note: The Thai pronoun ฉัน (Chǎn) is a first-person pronoun ("I/me"). It is primarily used by female speakers in informal to semi-formal contexts. It is also the gender-neutral pronoun used by all genders in formal writing, poetry, and songs. When used by a man in casual speech, it often carries an effeminate or soft connotation.]]
"But I am returning it right here."
[Not to your liking? Then what do you want? A BMW, a Benz, or a Maserati?]
WTF! Does your Phôo print his own banknotes or what, Wá? The things you propose, do you have any common sense about money left in your head, Wá, Ná?
"I don't want any of those. And come down to take your car back too."
I insist firmly, tilting my head to look at the condominium that doesn't have a common name like those seen everywhere on the streets. And from the building's shape, the security, or even the level of cars parked here, it answers the question well that the people living here are the moneyed type. Therefore, I want to go back now. Staying longer will just lead to pointless self-deprecation.
[No.]
"Khun Khǎi! You told me not to tell Mâe, and I did that, didn't I? So what else do you want from me !"
[Come up.]
The other party is silent for a moment, then orders me curtly. But before I can say I won't go, won't come up, won't do any bloody thing, because I'm afraid—of losing my ass, he hangs up immediately, leaving me to just bite my lip, clench my fists, and curl my toes, fearing I might get so angry I kick the beautiful car.
"Playing like this, Wá? Fine, if you do anything to me (kuu), I (kuu) will definitely tell Mâe that there's a psychotic relative." I just say that, because in reality, I don't take minor problems to tell Mâe. I don't want to stress Mâe out. It's better if I go vent to Phîi Hu instead. Until I decide that I must go up and face him now.
I have been here with Mâe once, so I remember by heart which floor, what room. Moreover, the room owner has already called to inform the people downstairs. So I take the elevator up to the 25th floor, where there are only two rooms on the entire floor. Therefore, I definitely won't get lost. It doesn't take long before I am standing pressing the doorbell in front of the room.
Give him back the key and then go back. Okay, Tàem, you have work later today, don't forget.
Did I mention that on weekends, I also work as a clothing store employee in a department store? This afternoon, I have a shift, so I must talk and return as quickly as possible.
Click
"Here, your key... !!!"
As the door swings open, I recite what's in my head loudly. But the moment it opens wide enough to see the room owner, I ... am shocked, eyes wide.
I have said it before, right, that my Phôo died when I was young? So I lived with Mâe, just the two of us. Therefore, I am more familiar with the female body than with the male body that looks like it just stepped out of a handsome magazine like this!
The person wearing long-legged stretch pants, but excuse me, why is the waistband so low below the navel that I see dark hair and stomach muscles that look hard and defined? Yes, because he's wearing a shirt with every button open! So the wide chest, the rippling, defined muscles, and the soft hair, it hits my face with full force!
Fwoosh
Don't say I am being dramatic, but the moment I see that image, I raise both hands... to cover my eyes.
"You... you receive guests in this condition... Ná... really, Ná?"
Ugh, voice, stop shaking, Tàem. And are you (meung) covering your face looking for your aunt or what, Wá?
Thump
Gasp!
That's not all, the damned room owner even steps forward to pull my hands away from my face. I am utterly startled, eyes wide, because when I look up, I encounter his sharp face leaning in close, his eyes staring at me steadily, and then he... smiles wickedly.
"Hee, you turn red just from seeing this much."
Well, of course, red. I'm red all the way to the tops of my cheeks, you psycho.
I have no way of saying out loud that I am hot all over, don't know where to place my gaze. If I look at his face, I see a mocking smile; if I look at his chest, I see hard muscles; if I look lower than that, I happen to notice a bulging crotch. So what can I do except raise my free hand to cover my eyes again, mumbling in an extremely faint voice.
"Take it. I am going back now."
Whoosh
"I (chǎn) won't let you return."
Hey, hey, hey! Did your parents not teach you not to whisper in someone's ear!
Before I can curse, can shake his hand off, can protest that I (kuu) am shy, he manages... to drag me into the room.
This situation calls for only one person.
Mâe, help Tàem! Help Nông Tàem!!!
The thought that probably doesn't get transmitted; by now Mâe is probably busy running around feeding Thîi-rák (ที่รัก). Hey, don't you dare think ill of my Mâe! My new little sister's name is Sùtthîrak (สุดที่รัก), see? Her nickname, no need to guess, is definitely Thîi-rák. Mâe said she named it to rhyme with my name, because my real name is... Thaenrak (แทนรัก).
Enough about my family's naming for now, better help me think about how to escape from this exhibitionist psycho first!
"Let go, Khun. You use force with me like this, I will definitely tell Mâe."
"Are you too much of a youth?"
Grrrr! I (kuu) am only eight years younger than you, so be it!
I am digging my feet into the floor very hard, but I can't match his strength. In the end, I am dragged into the midst of the enemy's den. Only then does he let go of my arm. That's it, with all the strength I (kuu) have, I (kuu) put it in reverse gear and retreat until my back is against the opposite wall, looking at the other party warily. But Âi'Khun Khǎi shows no shame, standing with his arms crossed showing off his body hair, and even raises his eyebrows with the most nerve-wracking expression!
He makes a face like he's appraising goods. And the said goods are none other... than me (kuu)!
I try to look left and right for help. I admit I dislike his face to the point of being wary because of the money he once threw in my face. So I think of finding a way to escape. But who would have thought that sweeping my gaze around the room makes me freeze completely.
It used to look like a home decor magazine before.
"Do you ever clean your house, Ná!?"
My dorm room might be small but it's absolutely spotless. Not just because I don't want users to see anything unpleasant to the eye, but Mâe always taught me that whether we are rich or poor, the most important thing is that the house must be clean. And look at this! Clothes scattered all over the floor, dishes piled haphazardly on the dining table, and if I am not imagining it, that small piece less than a meter from my heel... is underwear.
The question just makes him look around and then shake his head indifferently, not caring one bit.
"The housekeeper comes tomorrow."
Just learn to put away your clothes a bit, Wá. Are all rich people bloody fucking lazy like this?
I want to curse, but my brain still tells me I can't fight his strength. So it's probably best not to make him angry. With a face like a Hong Kong mafia movie like this, if he unleashes his wrath, I will definitely turn into minced meat in the drainpipe.
"Could you please... Uh, never mind. I have brought your car key back."
I almost tell him to please button his shirt, but I stop my mouth immediately when I encounter his wicked gaze. Afraid of being retorted that I'm a dim-wit and then I can't argue with him, so I avert my eyes elsewhere, speaking in the calmest voice I can manage. But my hands, my hands are shaking!
I might be the misser of my faculty friends, the attractive youth in the canteen, but in reality, I am just an orphan who grew up with a beautiful Mâe who taught me to keep my distance from men, since my appearance attracts the same sex more. So besides friends, I have never been alone with any man one-on-one, especially a man with a hot body—err, I mean, this exhibitionist type. And I ... am very shy.
"I (chǎn) said I (chǎn) don't take it back. Take it and use it."
"Don't order me around."
"I (chǎn) am not ordering."
Your face is like holding a gun to the back of my (kuu) neck, I (kuu) tell you.
I keep a straight face, but still don't turn to look at his face. I can only stare fixedly at the flat-screen TV that's probably about 60 inches, trying to distract myself by roughly estimating its price, because numbers can calm my mind, while he says with a rather nonchalant tone.
"I (chǎn) heard from your Mâe that you get off work late, so I (chǎn) bought it for you to use."
I tell you, I am extremely disgusted. So much spare money that you can just throw it around, is that it?
"I don't want it. I am fine taking the bus. It's cheaper too."
"Oh."
Suddenly, the room owner makes a sound as if he remembered something. I inadvertently turn to look at his face, and find the tall figure of the villainous-faced one walking to pick up a pair of pants, pulling a wallet from the pocket, then... pulling out a wad of gray banknotes.
"I (chǎn) forgot to give you money for your car's gas."
I glare at him, can only stare dumbfounded at the person who walks over and places the entire wad of money on the guest table. And with eyes and a nose sensitive to the smell of money, I tell you it must be about twenty thousand, give or take no more than two thousand.
"Right now I (chǎn) only have this much in my wallet. Take it."
Right now I press my lips tightly. It's not that I am stopping the dark side of my heart that wants to accept it, but I am angry. Really damned angry. And I believe anyone would be angry, when they see the contemptuous smile of the person who turns to look at me .
"I don't want your money. I never wanted it."
"It's only twenty thousand."
I am really angry. So angry I am almost going crazy with this person who speaks as if this amount of money is trivial. Do you know how hard I work to save even ten thousand? And then when the end of the month comes, I have to pay it out. When a new semester starts, I have to withdraw it. But here you are, throwing money at me easily and saying it's only twenty thousand!
"Whether it's two baht or twenty thousand, I don't want it!"
I shout louder than before, feeling the most frustrated and vexed, while he raises his eyebrows and asks a question that makes me want to retort, do you have any common sense?
"Not enough?"
"Ouch! I can't talk to you anymore. I just want to return the car, and then I will go back." Before I inadvertently curse him and bring trouble to Mâe, I decide to end it in one go, walking towards the front door. But...
Thump
"Who said you could return already?"
Âi'Khun Khǎi grabs my wrist, making me jump in shock because he is so fast. In a flash, he is close to me. I realize I must be trembling inadvertently, fearful. His expression is flat, and his gaze is as cold as someone who can kill, like this, until I try to pry my hand out of his grip.
"I have work... "
"In the afternoon."
How do you know, Wá? Is your Phôo Abdul or something!
I press my lips tightly, but think first that Mâe is the one who told him, of course. Until the excuses in my head clash in all sorts of ways. Meanwhile, he stares at my face without looking away, making my brain feel scrambled. I tell myself it's because I'm afraid, that's all.
"I ... "
Suddenly, a phone rings from one of the many rooms here, making me shut my mouth abruptly. I think I'm saved when the room owner turns to look towards the sound and releases my wrist immediately. I tell myself the moment he's out of sight, I (kuu) will put the key down and then I (kuu) am running for it this time! But...
"I (chǎn) will be right there. And your Mâe must have taught you not to leave without saying goodbye."
Arghhh! He's bringing Mâe into this!
He finishes speaking and walks off following the sound of the phone, until I raise my fist, making a gesture as if to punch the back of his head, making faces mimicking him. But...
Swish
Whoosh
I think he definitely has eyes in the back of his head, Wá, because he turns around so swiftly that I barely have time to put my hand down, and then I quickly turn back the other way.
"Hee, you can wait for a while, Ná."
Bloody fuck, he laughs! He knows for sure what I (kuu) was just thinking of doing.
I am at a complete loss, my face burning hot, the kind that spreads to my neck. I can only hide both hands behind my back, pretending utmost ignorance, until I hear the sound of a door closing. Only then do I turn to look, and then let out a long sigh. To be honest, I am extremely tired from just trying to return the car key, but I still can't go back.
I have one principle that is more important than anything else.
You can curse me (kuu), but don't mess with my Mâe!
That's it. So I can only stand still in place, planning not to touch anything at all.
Tick, tick... tock...
Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass...
"Wôoi! Did you go take a shit or what, Wá!"
The homeowner has been gone for fifteen minutes, and I am getting extremely fidgety. Having to stand amidst a pile of clothes makes me feel like I can't stand it. And that, my mouth is complaining, but my hands, my hands are currently sweeping both shirts and pants—let's leave the underwear alone, I don't dare, Wá—up into my arms. At the very least, let me pile them up together, that's still better. But...
Thump
What did I (kuu) step on, Wá?
I feel I step on something while pulling a nightshirt up to drape over my arm, until I have to look down. But before I can even know what I hit...
Flash
"Ah... haa... uhhh... "
Flicker flicker flicker
Click
Suddenly, the television I was scrutinizing the price of earlier flashes brightly. Whatever was left playing resumes its function, and that makes my jaw drop. The pile of clothes in my hands falls scattering all over the floor. Both my eyes widen as if seeing a ghost.
A ghost for sure... a sea ghost!
"Wha- what is this, what, Wá? Remote, where is the remote... "
I am speaking almost incoherently, when what's on the screen is two people acting like dogs and mounting from behind!
My hands are shaking, my brain is scrambled, my eyes dart around looking for the remote. But good grief! The clothes I gathered from all over the room are piled up, covering the damned source remote completely.
"Where is it! Where are you? Ouch, don't you moan, don't you moan!"
"Sssss... ee, uhh... ah... haa... ah... "
The more I order, the more the person on the screen moans. And I don't know if his Phôo is an orchestra or what, but arrrangg, ee, bloody fuck, it's continuous!
Immediately, my hands are shaking a lot. The moment I glance at the screen, the camera zooms in on the seam... seamless, woven fully... bloody fuck, it's stuffed so the ass and stomach are pressed together as one!
"I can't take it anymore."
By myself, I can't continue looking for the remote anymore, because I ... raise both hands to cover my burning hot face.
Besides that...
"Sniffle, it's not just a porno, bloody fuck, it's baiting gay porn."
My face is so hot it's about to become volcanic lava.
"Ah, uhhh, ee... "
Whoosh
While the moaning sound is resonating until my head is about to explode, suddenly, it stops and disappears abruptly. I can only lower my hands, desperately hoping it's over, or the disc only has that much. However...
Ouch, precious Phôo, precious Mâe, help Tàem. Tàem can't take it anymore.
The image on the screen really stops. But it stops in a pose... bloody fucking hell.
I can't think of a word for what pose this is. Let's just say the person in front is making a face like he's on the top of a roller coaster and has just plunged down at high speed. What word should be used for that... fuck... ed... Sniffle, bloody fuck!
However, the worst thing is not the image frozen on the screen, but... the room owner who is standing with his arms crossed, looking this way.
"You like this type?"
Go die, you psycho! I (kuu) am covering my eyes like this, would I (kuu) like it, damn it!
I have no words to retort, can only stand stiff as a statue. My eyes cannot tear away from the center of the screen, just like my face which is burning so hot that even my two hands can feel the heat radiating from it. And I don't have to look away either, because the room owner... walks over to block my line of sight.
"Your face is red, Ná."
He mocks me. He must think I am a dim-wit. Just this much, I am so embarrassed I could die.
"N... no... not... "
My mouth is trembling and stuttering, just like in my head where I only see them thrusting thrust thrust thrust.
I affirm again that I grew up with Mâe, just the two of us. So I have almost never watched things like this, except when friends shove it at me. Before Mâe got married, I slept with Mâe, in the same room as Mâe. Let alone watching things like this, I have almost never even masturbated. If my body really wants it, I just let it have a wet dream in the morning. But this... this is the most intense thing in my entire life multiplied by ten.
Âi'Ker has even teased me before.
Hah, and you say you sell your body? Just watching a romance film where they kiss, your face turns red like a monkey's butt.
I don't argue. Yes, I am shy. But now it's more than shy. It's a lot more than that!
Besides, why do I have to be speechless in front of this guy? I should curse him. Psycho, horny, you bunch who want the back door!
Back door?!
Suddenly, I remember.
He watches gay porn \= he is gay.
He is gay \= he wants men.
I (kuu) am a man \= he wants me (kuu).
There it is! So it's confirmed that the millions you shoved at me are really aiming for my ass, huh!
"D... don't come closer, Wôoi!"
I shout to threaten him, but Âi'Khun Khǎi shows no fear. He walks closer, and my legs are too stiff to walk away. Until he walks right up to me, the firm, beautiful chest, more handsome than the main character on the screen, floats prominently in front of me. Then, he accuses...
"You were staring intently, Ná."
"D... didn't stare... "
"I (chǎn) saw it."
"No!"
I try to argue, but it's no use, because I was really staring just now. But I wasn't staring because I wanted to watch; I was staring because I was shocked and couldn't move, that's all! So, the more he accuses me, the more embarrassed I become until I do this...
Flop
Tàem didn't watch!!!
I throw myself down into a sitting position, cover my ears, curl up into a ball, and shout loudly, hoping he will have mercy and let me go. However...
"Want to try... or not?"
Arghhh! I (kuu) can't take it anymore!
He must be adding insult to injury, because Âi'Khun Khǎi bends down to follow me and whispers in my ear, his voice low and husky, making (my hole) me feel like I am in danger. Therefore, I look up with tears brimming in my eyes and push his chest with all my strength.
"I said no! No! I didn't watch! I don't want to do it either, you psycho!!"
My brain is gone. Therefore, there is nothing to stop my actions. And now, I am grabbing everything near me to throw at the dangerous person, hoping he will go away, far away. The sound of clothes hitting a person's body thus echoes thump thump all over the room. But I (kuu) am closing my eyes and throwing.
"You bloody fucking psycho! You horny!!!"
"Ouch! Stop throwing!"
I pay no attention to the prohibition. I keep shouting the same curses over and over. And I don't know if the pile of clothes has flown and scattered everywhere. Let's just say, whatever I can grab, I (kuu) close my eyes and throw it all, until...
Thump
Swoosh
Bang!
Crash!!
Suddenly, a loud crashing sound rings out, and it's loud enough to make a person without senses like me open my eyes to look at my own handiwork. The clothes scattered all over the room aren't that bad, because it was already like that before. But the flat-screen TV that once had people playing roller coaster... has toppled straight over backwards, the whole unit.
This time, my eyes are wider than when I saw someone cosplaying a dog, because I ... just threw the remote, hitting the TV, making the whole unit fall down!
This is it. My hands are now weak and limp, my body almost collapsing to the floor. Only Âi'Khun Khǎi... his face is so still it seems like he will break me in half. My face slowly turns to look at the room owner like a malfunctioning robot, and then I find that at that very moment, the tears that were brimming because of the damned movie turn into large teardrops that look like they will fall at any moment.
Âi'Tàem! Before you came up, you should have brought the wreath to pay respect to his room!
If I could scream like a woman, I would have done it because...
This unit is no less than... a hundred thousand.
Do I ... really have to sell my body to pay the debt, Wá!?!
The thought makes me sob, then let out a pitiful sound.
"Nông Tàem... won't do it, Ná... "
No, Ná! Don't mess with Tàem's hole!
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