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Kreeun! Prîang!
"Pa...Phîi Payu, what did you just say?"
The weather outside was turbulent, much like the chaotic emotions inside the bedroom, all thrown into disarray by just a few words from the room's owner.
Those words were...'Don't come here again.'
Warain himself was stunned, then forced a smile, forced a laugh. His hand, which had been pushing against the other's chest, changed to gripping the other's arm. He asked, full of hope, wondering if he had just misheard, or if the thunderclap had caused him to not hear completely.
The sharp-tongued but secretly kind Phîi Payu, who had just hugged him to comfort him, was now forbidding him from coming here.
The place he had just found to be the safest, which had become his protective shield in a moment of weakness, was now being placed off-limits by that very Phîi Payu. His small heart beat slower. The face that had just begun to regain some color paled once more. The hands that had been both pushing and shoving now clung to the other's shirt as an anchor. He stared into the other's eyes, determined to find the truth.
But the sharp eyes showed no sign of joking either.
"Don't, Phîi Payu, don't. You're joking, right?" He still asked hopefully, even though his heart was already sinking.
"Phîi isn't joking."
Prîang!
The lightning didn't just strike outside; it struck right into the heart of the listener, who let go of the other's arm, utterly drained. His lips pressed together tightly, and old images he didn't want to see flashed into his head.
"Rain, don't you think what you're doing is too much?" A girl he was pursuing had said that.
"Do you even realize you're an annoying person?" His friends often said.
Yes, Rain was a persistent person who sometimes knew he was being a bit too willful. Because when he set his mind to something, he tried his hardest to see it through to the end. Even if he knew there was no hope, knew it was impossible, if he didn't try at least once, he wouldn't know what the outcome would be. He had never once thought it was a flaw. It was his Phô's teaching that one must never know how to give up. But his refusal to give up... annoyed others.
Now Phîi Payu was one of those people who was annoyed by him.
"Phîi is annoyed with me now, right?... I'm sorry. I won't come without telling you again. I won't pry into what you're doing anymore. I promise I won't go to that race event. I... I'll try not to make you annoyed, Phîi Payu. But please don't forbid me from coming here. Please," Rain stammered, pleading with all his might, while his eyes grew moist with clear droplets. But he would not cry.
Phîi Payu must definitely be annoyed by his tears.
A broad-chested man who just hugged someone's neck and cried was probably such an unsightly sight that Phîi Payu didn't want to see him again. So, he hurriedly used the back of his hand to wipe his tears, trying to suppress the sobs welling up in his chest. He didn't understand why, just at the thought of not being able to see one person's face, he could feel so tormented.
Before this, when he pursued anyone, it was never this heartbreaking.
"I still want to come here... want to see Phîi... want to come." Rain choked back his sobs, looking pitiful, while the taller man didn't say a single word in response, making him even more disheartened. His two hands desperately wiped at his eyes, which were growing red and sore.
"I won't cry, I won't cry. Then Phîi won't have to comfort me. I really won't cry." The one who 'wouldn't cry' was trembling all over. This made the cruel man let out a huge, exasperated sigh.
Don't cry, Âi Rain. Don't cry.
The sound of the sigh made the listener bite his lip until it hurt.
"Rain."
"Yes!" The owner of the name responded loudly, but still couldn't manage to lift his head and meet the other's gaze because he didn't want the other to see the eyes that were on the verge of losing control.
Thump!
But Payu pulled the hands that were trying to cover the face away, forcing their eyes to meet. This allowed Rain to see the serious expression on the tall man's face.
"Phîi isn't annoyed with Rain."
"But..."
"But Phîi has told you every time, right, that Rain needs to know how to manage his time properly."
Rain nodded, looking at the speaker's eyes which showed not a hint of leniency.
"You remember, but you don't understand, do you?"
The youth was silent.
"Phîi once said that if Rain still hadn't successfully pursued Phîi by the start of second year, Rain wouldn't have time to come chasing after Phîi. But here, Rain isn't even finished with first year yet, and Rain already doesn't know how to manage his time. Even though right now you have the most free time. And do you think a senior, like Phîi, who understands perfectly well just how heavy the workload in our faculty is, would allow a junior to waste his time pointlessly by sitting around watching a guy?"
The listener wanted to argue that he wasn't, but found he couldn't argue back.
Sǒn
Sitting around watching a guy... no matter how you heard it, it sounded pathetic. But he couldn't think of a better term than what Phîi Payu used either, because he really was just coming to watch.
"And yesterday, Phîi asked when Rain's assignment was due, but you didn't answer."
"But Phîi Payu said that if I didn't go with you, you'd go alone," he argued in a small voice.
"Yes. But does Rain really think Phîi would be so heartless if Rain said the assignment was due today?"
Once again, the listener was stunned into silence, because yesterday he was fully aware that the assignment was due today. Fully aware that it wasn't finished. But he had chosen to go with Phîi Payu first, before returning to face reality. And if he thought about it carefully... Phîi Payu was...
Phîi Payu was telling him that he should know what was most important right now.
"Just going to eat, you could go another day. Oh! And also, Phîi didn't tell Rain to come sit and do homework, sit and draw blueprints sloppily every day. Everyone needs time to rest. Phîi himself isn't the model student everyone thinks. Phîi works on cars, sneaks off to race, does activities, does this and that as Phîi wants. But one thing Phîi has never abandoned is... my own responsibilities."
Rain was silent. Rain was stunned. Rain wanted to cry.
He wanted to cry because Phîi Payu was right about everything.
The thing that made him want to cry the most was that Phîi Payu reached out a hand to gently wipe the corner of his eye in comfort, but then said the thing he didn't want to hear for the second time.
"If Rain still can't take responsibility for his own duties, then don't come here again."
If the other person had kicked him out, said nasty things to him, or grabbed him and thrown him out of the garage, Rain believed that someone like him would recover quickly and come back yelling at him, trying to get revenge, trying to get even, trying to win somehow. But when the other person spoke with reason, the one who seemed stubborn and never listened to anyone was left with no recourse.
He wasn't a fool who needed to be told multiple times to understand. This was more than enough.
"Phîi really isn't annoyed with me, right?" But above all else, this was what he feared the most.
He was afraid Phîi Payu would hate him.
"If I were annoyed, I wouldn't be sitting here wiping your snot like this." The speaker turned his palm over to show the trail of snot from that fucking immature juvenile, making Rain's eyes go wide. He looked left and right for a tissue box, but it had been kicked away with the Japanese-style table.
Squish!
"Phîi Payu!" The other didn't waste time, wiping it directly onto the tank top he was wearing, forcing Rain to cry out in annoyance.
"Disgusted by your own snot?"
The uncertain reply: "No, but Phîi Payu is changing the subject again." Any other time, the youth would probably have yelled at him, but now he understood that the other was teasing him because he didn't want him to be sad. This made his two hands grip Payu's shirt once more, pleading.
"If I can take responsibility for my studies, then I can come here again, right?"
Two pairs of eyes met, with Rain looking at him imploringly.
"No."
Rain immediately lowered his head, his face pale and pitiful.
"Not until Rain proves it to Phîi."
The listener looked up hopefully, shaking the speaker's arm vigorously.
"How? How do I prove it?"
"I'll give you the answer later. But for now, get up and go finish your food. Then take a nap. Phîi will take you home."
"But..."
"Rain!" The owner of the name fell silent immediately upon seeing the serious look. He didn't understand why he was so terribly afraid of Phîi Payu getting angry, but the talkative one found himself unable to speak, unable to argue. He allowed himself to be pulled up by the arm to sit properly, then went back to sit in front of the Japanese-style table where the cold fried rice sat.
The fried rice that had been delicious at first now tasted bland. The sound of the rain that had once stirred thrilling emotions now felt cold and dead. And even though there was a warm-bodied person in the room, Rain felt cold and shivering all over. Just the thought that he might not be allowed to come here again...
If you asked Rain to summarize how to pursue Phîi Payu, he probably wouldn't have an answer. So, if you asked how to prove himself to gain Phîi Payu's acceptance... he was even more at a loss.
The one who had cried himself to exhaustion had fallen asleep, while the one who had made him cry still sat at the foot of the bed. The sharp-eyed man looked at the small figure sleeping with an uncomfortable expression, as if trapped in a nightmare. He had to move to sit beside him, reaching out a hand to stroke the soft hair very gently, while his other hand gripped his own face.
He had almost done it just now. Almost followed his desires.
Rain would never know that he had lost to Rain's expression when trapped in his embrace. The person who seemed to resist, yet yielded. The person who seemed stubborn, yet was pliable. The person who seemed annoying, but was actually tempting to tease, tempting to bully. So, the good senior who had just lectured his junior... had almost lost his goodness.
Payu didn't think it was difficult at all to crush this youth in his hand. But because he didn't just want to crush him, he also wanted to cherish him.
"Now is not the time."
It wasn't like before when he said it wasn't the time, because then he wanted Rain to fall deep enough into the pit he had dug, confident that there was no escape, before dealing with him as he pleased. But now Payu knew he couldn't do that, now that external factors were involved.
Payu might act playful, but if he was just playing, he wouldn't be sitting here luring a youth into being his enchantress, letting him get close since the second time they met. But what made things complicated was precisely because he was serious.
Rain was still young, and there were many temptations that could lead a young person astray. He had been like that too. This Âi Payu had once partied recklessly, drank, and been with low-grade women before becoming the capable person everyone saw. But that was because he had been able to pull himself back. So he didn't want Rain to do the same as him.
Playing the game of hearts didn't mean you had to close your eyes and charge forward blindly.
If Rain couldn't play this game while also handling his responsibilities, he would be the one to step back, no matter how much he wanted to pounce on this fucking juvenile.
Payu lowered his hand from his face, moved his other hand to the cool cheek, stroked it gently with his knuckles, then brushed aside the strands of hair covering his face and forehead.
Jùup!
"Don't disappoint Phîi, okay?" The young man pressed a kiss gently onto the smooth forehead, moved to press the nose against the soft cheek, and then... landed on the fresh-colored lips.
"Mmph, Phîi Payu." The sleeper just turned over to escape, let out a soft groan in his throat, before lying still again.
"Damn it."
The tall man got up from the bed and strode out of the bedroom... if he stood there any longer, he would be the one to break his promise.
Who told you to be so cute and crushable like this, dammit!
"Hey, man, how are you?"
"Uh, hello, Phîi."
Inside the crowded cafeteria, Nai Warain was sitting listlessly picking at his chicken rice, catching the attention of the fourth-year senior carrying a full load of equipment in both hands, who came over to greet him as was their custom, familiar with each other, even though recently this fucking juvenile had been acting rather punchable. But right now, he seemed extremely downcast.
The emotionless reply made Som turn to look at him with the other person.
"Âi Sky, what's wrong with your friend?" So Sky had to tell the senior what had happened, just as he had told several other friends. This made the listener laugh loudly, slapping Rain's back with a loud thump!
"Ouch! You're this down just from that? Look at me, recently the professor told me that kindergarteners are more creative than me, and I'm not overthinking it. Oh! And if you don't want to be like this, I'll teach you. Later, set four alarm clocks. Set them in different corners of the room. If you're not a one-shot killer, you'll have to get up and turn at least one of them off, right?" Som said jokingly, willing to sacrifice his valuable time, which he could have used to rush his work, to sit down beside him.
Then the more experienced senior continued.
"I'm not trying to rub it in, but take it as advice from a senior. No matter how shitty the work is, it's better to send it to the professor to get scolded than to have no work to submit at all."
"I know, Phîi. I'm not overthinking that part anymore. But I don't want him to be disappointed."
"The professor, huh? Just show him you're trying hard, and he won't say anything. Don't be gloomy. Don't get discouraged either. And don't think, 'I won't submit this work,' 'I have no motivation for the next work, I won't submit it, damn it.' You guys in your year must have moments of discouragement where you want to turn back too. And see in my group, the one who just keeps skipping to go drink? He definitely won't graduate in five years." Som said and then sighed, thinking of his classmate he'd tried to help. But if they won't help themselves, who can help them?
Rain knew the senior was encouraging him. He felt touched, really. But he couldn't smile widely and glibly say it was okay, because the person he was afraid of disappointing wasn't the professor.
"Heeeeee!" The first-year pushed his plate of rice away from himself and slumped onto his forearms.
"Come on, I'm going now. Hang in there, man." The one whose work time was barely sufficient said, then got up, hauling his belongings loaded in both arms, making Sky quickly stand up to follow.
"Here, Phîi Som, let me help."
"Help your friend first."
"Never mind him, Phîi Som. He's been like this for almost a week now." Sky was at a loss how to respond. He could tell that his close friend's gloom wasn't because of what the professor said, because he wouldn't be sitting looking at his phone waiting for a call from the professor. But since he wasn't telling, he didn't want to make him overthink it.
"Hey, you, want to help or not... are you free tonight?" Since the junior was offering help, the one dying under piled-up work smiled.
"Dinner, late-night meal, ready with snacks at 2 AM" Som offered, making Sky laugh.
"Is the work urgent, Phîi?"
"Urgent or not, I haven't slept for two nights. If I had ten hands, it'd probably be done by now."
The two, senior and junior, walked away, but the one with his face buried in his forearms still sat motionless. Only one eye followed the backs of the two. Then he let out a long sigh, muttering to himself.
"You're not the kind of person who gives up like this, are you, Âi Rain?"
That day, when he woke up, Phîi Payu had driven his car to take him all the way home, then took a taxi back. The whole way, there wasn't a single word between them. Rain himself didn't dare ask. Even now, as nearly a week had passed, there wasn't a single message from the man who used a black cloud as his LINE display picture, making the youth feel even more disheartened than before.
The matter of not submitting the assignment on time, he could accept now. But what he couldn't accept was being forbidden from going to the garage.
"How do I have to prove it for Phîi to accept me, Phîi Payu? You don't see at all how hard I'm focusing on my studies."
Thud!
Suddenly, the words Phîi Som said earlier came back... just make him see.
Whoosh!
The person who had been sitting gloomily just moments ago stood up to his full height. His eyes sparkled with hope, then he spoke loudly.
"Then go make him see, man!"
Once the thought occurred, both hands quickly gathered his belongings and the plate of chicken rice to put away, ignoring the many pairs of eyes turning to look at him, and then headed back the way he came. As expected, every time finals approach, there's always someone losing their mind. Just talking to himself is a minor issue.
Even though before leaving home, Warain had mustered his courage to a hundred percent, the closer he got to his destination, the more his heart pounded rapidly with fear. So, by the time his small car came to a stop at the garage, all the courage he had built up over several days evaporated into thin air, replaced by uncertainty about whether he should really be coming here.
Don't come here again.
"Damn it, don't think, man!" Rain shook his head vigorously, gathered his things from the car, just as someone from the office opened the door and came out.
"Phîi Pa..." The youth inadvertently called out with joy, but had to swallow all his words when the pair of sharp eyes swept over to look at his face, looking surprised, but only for a moment before turning cold. Then they passed by to talk to a mechanic without any intention of coming to greet him at all.
The attitude, as if they didn't know each other, made his hands almost lose all strength.
No, no, no, no. Don't give up just like this.
The one who didn't give up on anything easily took another deep breath. He wasn't brave enough to stride over to the person in the dark blue bear-brand uniform, but he wasn't willing to retreat either. The small figure just went straight to the office, raising his hand in a wâi to greet the Phîis who greeted him, asking where he'd been.
"Phîi On, can I go sit in the glass room?"
"Sorry, Rain. Khun Payu said if Rain comes, not to let you in." Phîi On also made an uncomfortable face, looked outside, and saw the garage owner's son looking at an Aprilia motorcycle.
"It's okay, Phîi. What about in this room?" Rain forced a smile, but looked even more upset when the other shook his head.
"Customers are coming in and out. Khun Payu said not to come sit and hang out in here."
"Then can I borrow a chair?" Seeing that what he was asking for wasn't a big deal, On nodded, walked to get a plastic chair and handed it to him, though he was puzzled about what he would do with it.
Rain said thank you and carried that chair along with his laptop bag out of the office. He looked left and right for a quiet corner, and seeing that the other side had no people passing through, headed straight for it. Placed the chair, sat down, and opened his beloved laptop to work.
That scene made several mechanics nudge each other to look, then turn to look at Payu in unison.
Of course, outside was hotter than inside with the air conditioning. Sweat began to seep all over his white face, soaking his entire back. But the youth didn't care, wiping it away roughly with the back of his hand while diligently working on his end-of-semester report for an elective course.
Good thing he decided to work on this instead. Having just the laptop was okay.
Rain encouraged himself, trying to ignore all the various distracting noises—the engine sounds, the tool sounds, the road noise outside—focusing only on the assignment that needed to be submitted and presented next week. Until...
"Phîi told you not to come here." A tall figure came to stand, casting a shadow in front of him.
The small figure flinched slightly, looked up to meet his gaze bravely yet fearfully, because the calm, steady gaze from earlier was still stuck in his head. But he tried to put on a brave face to fight the tiger.
"I just came to change the atmosphere."
"Then go to a coffee shop," Payu said flatly, making the youth stammer.
"I'll sit quietly. I promise I won't bother anyone."
"But it's bothering my sight."
The listener lowered his head to look at the report content he had been typing, though it didn't really register. He couldn't even remember what the last word he typed was. He only knew that the hot weather didn't hurt him as much as the words from the person who didn't want to see him. And he didn't know if it was the pressure from the person standing over him that made his clear voice mumble out.
"Can't I... just come to see your face for a little bit?"
"Exams are coming up soon, right?"
Rain knew that when Payu changed the subject, he had to think carefully, because most of the time it was related to what they were talking about before. And this time, the small figure caught on quickly, because he immediately turned the screen to show the other.
"I'm working on my end-of-semester report." He wasn't just sitting here playing games.
"That's why I said, go sit and do it at a coffee shop." Payu chased him away again. And he didn't know if it was the pressure of possibly not being allowed to come here again that made his brain think quickly.
"People who go sit and work at coffee shops do it because the atmosphere helps their brains work. I'm just like them. But I just changed from a coffee shop to the garage. I don't see anything wrong with that. If I go work somewhere else, I just think distractedly. But here, it helps me concentrate. I'm just asking for a small space. Can't I even have this, Phîi Payu?" Rain demonstrated that the space really was small by pulling his legs up into a cross-legged sitting position, just to show that an area the size of one plastic chair wouldn't obstruct anyone else's work.
The unyielding posture, even though his face was flushed red from the heat, made Payu go silent.
"Heeee!" Rain didn't know why Phîi Payu sighed, but the act of turning and walking back to his work made him able to sigh with some relief.
Did that mean he was allowed?
The thought made the one who smiled for the first time in days, even though the hot weather was terrible, but strangely, his mind was racing clearly.
"Rain, Rain."
"Yes, Phîi?"
He didn't know how many more tens of minutes he sat working on his report, when Phîi On came over, tapping his shoulder to get his attention.
"Khun Sai-fah says to go sit and work in there." The mechanic said, pointing towards the glass room, then pointing further to the good-looking, tall man with a thick beard who was checking documents in the office. But Rain looked in the other direction, where an identical-looking man in a bear-brand uniform was standing, wiping sweat.
"But Phîi Payu told me not to go in." When the youth objected, the worker glanced towards the boss, then leaned in to whisper by his ear.
"Don't tell anyone. Khun Sai-fah really did send me to get you. But just now, Khun Payu came and told Khun Sai-fah something else. No one knows. I just happened to be standing behind the door, so I heard." The speaker straightened up, moved to help carry the chair, as Rain quickly stood up, hugging his laptop tightly.
"Go on, go on inside. You're all red from the heat. Young people these days are so heartless, huh?" Phîi On said loudly enough to echo through the garage, then turned and winked at him, leading the way into the glass room. As Rain glanced at the person who had permitted him to go sit in the air-conditioned room, even though Payu didn't turn to look, he couldn't help but break into a wide, happy smile.
It was enough to make Rain shout out.
"Thank you, Most Handsome Phîi Payu!!!"
Rain didn't care that the other didn't turn to look, even though others did, because he was satisfied. As he half-walked, half-skipped into the familiar glass room.
I know, really, that you're kind to the point of death.
"Ouch! Heartless person."
"Don't be a pest."
While the youth went to sit and work diligently in the glass room, which had air conditioning, various kinds of drinking water, snacks, milk, pastries, and a soft sofa, Sai-fah came out to find his sibling. Then he covered his mouth, twisted his waist, imitating a high-pitched voice to accuse the heartless person of bullying a youth so thoroughly.
As for Payu, he just retorted sharply.
"Hahaha! Âi Phiâ, I'm not being a pest, I'm serious." Sai-fah returned to standing straight, arms crossed, grinning cheerfully, but couldn't help warning his sibling a bit.
"No matter what you're ordering or teaching, don't be too heartless. Later, the kid will run away with his tail between his legs." At first, he didn't understand why he was forbidding the youth from the garage, even though before he never said a word against it. Until his sibling briefly explained that the kid was prioritizing this place over his studies, making the one who loved to tease (but was dead serious about work) unable to just let it be. But still, to teach the kid to know how to distinguish priorities, was it really necessary to go this far?
But Payu just grinned widely.
"What are you smiling about?" Sai-fah asked suspiciously.
"Well, if the kid was a coward who would run away with his tail between his legs from the start, I wouldn't have chosen this one in the first place."
"Don't tell me..." Sai-fah's jaw dropped, looking at the person who walked over and patted his shoulder.
"Your sibling is confident he didn't choose the wrong person... I'm confident that Rain won't disappoint me." Payu spoke, then walked off in another direction, leaving his twin gaping, then roughly ruffling his own hair.
Don't tell me that clever sibling of mine had planned all along for Rain to come.
The thought made him shake his head slightly.
But still, a never-give-up personality suited that Âi Payu just fine.
Otherwise, how many people, after being teased by that Âi Payu, would run away and disappear completely? Being a person who fights without retreating like this is just right.
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