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~~~
The morning sunlight shone through the balcony door into the medium-sized student dorm, waking the young man who had been lying prostrate from the fever. Sky moved slightly, lifting his heavy eyelids, feeling aches all over his body. He had no strength to push himself up to sit; only his face moved slowly, recounting what had happened amidst the confusion.
“I’m taking leave, Phô. Are you so old you can’t understand human language anymore?”
What woke Sky from the horrendous dream was not the glaring light, but a deep, laughing voice that, even though trying to lower its volume, still floated into his ears—a soft voice that seemed to resonate in his brain.
“Be still, good boy.”
“It’s me. It’s Phra Phai, Khrap.”
“I will stay with you.”
Blurred memories flashed by.
“Reason? I’m sick, cough cough! Good Lord! My throat hurts terribly… I’m not lying at all. Okay, okay, I’ll tell the truth. My romantic partner is sick, Phô. Let me take leave for two days… I’m not really sleeping with anyone. Your son is telling the truth.” Sky turned to look toward the sound and saw only the broad back of a young man wearing only basketball shorts on the room’s balcony.
“If Phô can still have a Mia, then what’s so surprising about me having a romantic partner?”
You are this much your Phô's son and he does not believe you capable of telling the truth? Amidst the confusion attacked by the fever, Sky told himself that.
“My little youth is awake.”
Sky frowned sharply.
“What… cough cough.” Sky was still startled by his own hoarse voice. He tried to push himself up but had no strength. He could only look at the well-built young man who quickly stepped to the bedside, reaching out intending to help him up, but he shrank away, using his eyes instead of his voice, broken by the fever, to say ‘don’t come near.’
Phra Phai paused for a moment, but after a short while, he made a sad puppy dog face.
“My little youth is so evil. You hugged me all night, but in the morning, you push me away. So evil.”
Don’t talk like I slept with you and threw you away! Sky thought.
Sky glared, and the young man pulling a sad puppy dog face revealed a wide smile.
“Don’t believe me? I’m telling the truth. We really did sleep hugging all night.”
“No…”
Gulp!
At that moment, the young man who still couldn’t figure out how he had let this well-built young man into his room was stunned. The image of the dream he had seen countless times flashed by. But amidst the terrible things he received, he heard the soft voice of the young man who kept comforting him. When he opened his eyes, he saw that he was hugging him.
Don’t let go… hug me.
Amidst the terribly cruel pain that kept repeating, he reached out for anyone who could pull him out of the endless vortex. When he saw the face, he grabbed onto it with all his might, hugging it close as if it were a floating log. Sky thought that was a dream; he never really thought he would accidentally ask this young man for help in the real world.
Last night wasn’t a dream!
He had asked Phra Phai to hug him.
Smack!
Even if his body lacked the strength to get up, it didn’t mean he had no strength to pull the comforter over his nose. Using eyes that were still flushed from the fever, but listless, he looked at the well-built young man who was visibly still, and mumbled in a tone that said…
“Clearly a little youth.”
He didn’t understand, so he asked about something else.
“How did you get… cough cough… into my room… cough cough.”
Is this really my voice, bloody fucking hell? Sky thought.
Sky wasn’t used to his own hoarse voice, just like the well-built young man had to tilt his ear to understand. His heart wanted to tell him to stay away, but he needed to know what had happened first.
“Oh, I drugged Nong Sky and wrestled you for three rounds until you passed out. Now Nong Sky is fully my Mia.” He usually couldn’t help laughing at this young man’s nonsense, but hearing a slightly loud sound made his head throb painfully, forcing him to frown.
Phra Phai’s expression made him stop smiling. He dropped to sit beside the bed, taking the opportunity to raise his hand to feel Sky’s forehead, not caring that he tried to dodge.
“Be still, good boy.”
Strangely, Sky remained still because of this serious tone.
“Your fever isn’t very high now. Around four in the morning, your fever was very high, so I woke you to take medicine. Do you remember?”
Sky shook his head, looking at the young man who pulled the comforter down and then felt both his forehead, cheek, and neck. He had no strength to fight back, but even if he had strength, he didn’t feel disgusted by this touch that didn’t exceed taking his temperature.
“How much of yesterday do you remember?”
I only remembered that you kept comforting me by my side.
Snap!
Sky swallowed what he remembered back into his brain and shook his head instead of saying he didn’t remember anything.
Phra Phai offered a comforting smile but didn’t withdraw the hand placed on Sky’s forehead. Then he recounted yesterday’s events, which Sky only remembered as being forced by Warain to go to the hospital, arguing with him about staying overnight, getting an injection, and then seeming to sleep for a long time, until he found out his close friend had entrusted him to this young man. He made a mental note to scold Warain once he recovered, but thinking again, Warain probably didn’t know Phra Phai’s habits, just as he didn’t know they had already slept together.
Yeah, then why didn’t I stay at the hospital?
Whoosh!
“Eek!”
“Don’t get up so quickly.” Sky tried to get up from the bed, but moving too quickly made his head sting sharply, and he was also pushed back down onto the same spot by the well-built young man. But this wasn’t the time to lie around helplessly.
“I have to submit work.” His voice sounded like a sob. He was sure he hadn’t finished his work yet, not to mention the cheer club closing meeting. What day was it? Would anyone be covering his duties? The more he thought, the more anxious Sky became, wishing he had the strength to shake off these iron pliers.
“Calm down. Warain called this morning and said he submitted a sick leave note. The professor said you can submit the work late. As for faculty matters, don’t worry, the other friends will cover for you. Let’s rest until you’re fully recovered first.” Sky had never seen Phra Phai in serious mode, but when this young man did it, it made his previous uneasiness fly away, leaving him to obediently lie down properly. But he couldn’t help arguing.
“The documents…”
“To hell with the documents! Worry about yourself first!”
Even though it was his responsibility, suddenly Sky agreed… to hell with it, bloody fucking hell!
Thinking like that, the young man exhausted from accumulated weeks closed his eyes again, thinking he wanted to sleep long again.
“Don’t sleep yet. Get up to eat and take medicine first.”
“I…”
“No being stubborn, no arguing, no fussing, and I won’t listen to ‘I’m not hungry.’ Okay?” Sky shut his mouth sharply, could only blink his eyes, looking at the young man who smiled at him, then got up to open the refrigerator, poured porridge into a bowl, and quickly put it in the microwave. He couldn’t help feeling that this playful young man also had a serious side. And strangely, this side made his heart tremble.
No, it’s because I’m sick.
“Come, I’ll help.”
Yes, because I’m sick. Sky’s heart wasn’t trembling because the well-built young man came to support him to sit leaning against the headboard properly and then brought the bowl of porridge to his lap.
“Should I feed you?”
It wasn’t because of the young man who offered to feed him with a serious expression.
“It’s all messy now.”
It wasn’t because of the young man who attentively wiped his mouth after he finished eating.
“Take your medicine, Khrap.”
It wasn’t because of the young man who handed him the medicine along with a glass of water.
“Sleeping for one more nap should make you better.”
It wasn’t because of the young man who covered him with a blanket and patted his back lightly to lull him to sleep.
Sky was just sick; it wasn’t because he was softening toward the young man who acted gently toward him.
Phra Phai was just taking advantage of my weakness to make me soft-hearted. Remember the nightmares I had all night, Sky. And my heart… could it beat a little softer?** Sky thought.
***
“I can do it myself.”
“Where could you? Just now when you got up, you were still dizzy.”
Yeah, just now my heart trembled because I still had a fever, not because I was swayed by someone like this! Sky thought.
After sleeping for several more hours, Sky woke up again, not because of the phone ringing, the sound of typing from the young man who had stolen his desk, or his stomach growling in protest, but because his bladder was bursting, nearly unable to hold it in, that he forced his body to get up. And because he got up a bit too quickly, he felt dizzy.
As soon as he felt dizzy, the uninvited roommate swiftly came to support him, asking in a serious tone where he was going, until he had to mumble that he needed to pee. That was it. Where was the gentle young man? Where was the caring young man? There was only a scheming young man who cracked a wide smile, didn’t ask a single word, and promptly carried him to the bathroom.
And now he was even struggling to take Sky’s shorts off, saying with a clear voice that he was helping because he saw Sky was sick.
Yeah, because I’m sick, that’s why I accidentally felt my heart tremble. There’s no way I’d feel anything for someone who enjoys grabbing a weak body! Sky thought.
“You, leave.”
“Where could I go? You’re even dizzy just standing. If you fall face first into the toilet, I would feel terrible. I’ve been pampering you for so long.”
One night doesn’t count as long, bloody fucking hell!
But Sky couldn’t dismiss the truth that Phra Phai had nursed him all night. But that matter and this matter were not the same.
“I’m going to pee.”
“Then pee. I’ve seen it all already, no need to be embarrassed.”
Sky glared, but he didn’t know if it was because of the fever that it didn’t make Phra Phai feel dejected. On the contrary, Phra Phai used that moment to pull Sky’s shorts down to his ankles until he had no time to be shocked. He couldn’t bend down to pull them back up because the hand, as thick as his face, managed to grab the middle of Sky’s body and aim it at the toilet.
“Alright, let go, good boy.”
“Let go.”
“Hng, let go. I’m holding it for you.”
I mean you let go of your hand, bloody fucking hell! Sky thought.
Sky shouted loudly in his head, but in reality, he could only make a contorted face because he was in pain and holding it in to the utmost. Just suppressing the startled feeling of someone grabbing his private parts at a time like this was almost too much, but now Phra Phai was even stroking and kneading comfortingly, along with the whisper in his ear like teaching a child using a potty for the first time.
“Let… let go.” He cried out, sounding like a sob. He couldn’t hold it anymore.
Don’t, Sky. If I let it out, there will be no place to hide my face.
“Good boy, aren’t you in pain? Let it out, Khrap.”
No! Who would pee for you to see?
“Let it out quickly, Nong Sky.”
No…
Splash!
“Hnggg.”
Sky could only raise both hands to cover his face, utterly devoid of dignity, listening to the sound of fluid flowing down hitting the water in the toilet, leaning back against the well-built young man who was praising him by his ear. Phra Phai managed to shake it for him, bent down to put Sky’s shorts back on for him, not to mention helping him pull them up to wash his hands, including serving as a support when he asked to wash his face. When he returned to the bedroom again, what could Sky do but burrow into the bed?
Any more embarrassing and I’d be stripping naked in public.
“Nong Sky’s thing is quite cute, isn’t it?”
If… if Phra Phai would help keep this matter in a box, that would be great. But the playful young man couldn’t help but bring it up to tease, until Sky could only grab the pillow he was using and throw it in the direction of the well-built young man.
“Are you embarrassed? Come on, Nong Sky’s thing hasn’t been used. At this size, it’s just this cute.”
Phra Phai wasn’t content with just talking; he also walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, stroking Sky’s hair through the soft comforter, looking very gentle. If only it weren’t for the evil sentence that came with laughter!
In this life, I’m confident I probably haven’t stabbed anyone with it, but was that something that needed to be said to tease a sick young man?
Sky was now sure that the good feelings he had upon waking were just an illusion. After being stroked on the head too much and laughed at several times, Sky emerged from under the covers, using aloof eyes to block the shame, looked at Phra Phai, and said in an even colder tone.
“Did I tell you or not that I hate you?”
If he thought he would see a sad puppy dog expression, he was completely mistaken, because Phra Phai instead smiled with sparkling eyes. Not only that, he leaned in until Sky had no escape, used both hands to hold Sky’s cheeks to prevent him from turning away, used his charming honey-colored eyes to stare meaningfully, and then whispered softly.
“And did I tell you or not that I like Nong Sky?”
Snap!
“…I don’t want to know.”
But Sky turned his face away with red ears.
I’m hot because of the fever. Yes, because of the fever. Sky thought.
Phra Phai laughed; there was no way he couldn’t see those flushed red marks.
“Has Phra Phai laughed enough? I’m going to sleep.”
“Then sleep. I’m not stopping you from sleeping.”
“Who could fall asleep?”
Anyone who could fall asleep while being stared at like this would be a dim-wit! Sky thought.
“Then I’ll sleep with you.” Sky condemned him with his eyes, but Phra Phai instead lay down next to him with sheer audacity, making him widen his eyes, shrink away to the farthest edge of the bed, and say irritably.
“Don’t sleep near me. I’ll have nightmares.”
“Who says? Sleeping near me only brings good dreams.” But Sky still insisted on sleeping at the very edge of the bed and thought there was no way he could fall asleep with someone staring intently like this. Contrary to his eyes, which drooped closed again, he hardly even realized when he was pulled into an embrace and heard a voice from far away.
“Good night, Khrap.”
Sky had been sinking into nightmares for weeks, but with a warm embrace surrounding his body and a soft voice whispering by his ear, he fell into a deep sleep without those nightmares coming to haunt him, until he tried to hold onto the warmth firmly. He didn’t know that he was the one moving into the original embrace again.
I… feel so good that I don’t want to break away anywhere.
***
“I’m better now, so you can go back home.”
“Good Lord, worse than sleeping with someone and then throwing them away is exactly using them until you get your money’s worth and then sending them off, isn’t it?”
Inside Sky’s room, the young room owner woke up again as the sun was about to set, with a feeling of being more comfortable than before. Even though there was still some dizziness from the remaining fever, overall he was much better. He got up without dizziness, without lightheadedness. Therefore, it was probably time to send the necessary nurse back. But Phra Phai protested.
“Or will you haunt my room forever?” Sky sarcastically remarked.
“Can I? Then I’ll go get my things from home first.” Phra Phai responded enthusiastically, making Sky condemn him with his eyes.
“Good Lord! Nong Sky, Khrap. You may not like me, but aren’t you softening even a little? I took care of you, pampered you all night, found food, wiped you down, took you to the bathroom, did everything for you. But as soon as you’re better, seeing me as useless, you send me away like this. Even though I’m thick-skinned, my heart is fragile, you know.” If Phra Phai had made a more sorrowful face, Sky might have relented a little, but he spoke while holding back laughter; who would soften?
Even though his good conscience whispered to Sky that Phra Phai was right.
He wasn’t an ungrateful young man, but what Phra Phai wanted probably wasn’t what he wanted to give.
“What do you want?” So Sky didn’t beat around the bush, asking directly.
That was it. Phra Phai’s attractive face revealed a sly smile.
“Nong Sky should know what I want.”
The memory of when they made their agreement the first time flashed into his head.
Back then, he had also asked Phra Phai what he had to do if he wanted him to help him get out of that racing event, and the well-built young man had said a sentence like this, until the good feelings that had just bloomed seemed to be sprayed with chemicals and withered, fading visibly. Sky’s eyes that had softened became hard and coldly-aloof again, and even disdainful.
“I won’t give it.” That time, because he was a stranger who thought it would end after one night, he had relented. But when it became someone close who might develop further than that, Sky refused indifferently.
“Then that means you don’t know what I want.”
“Why wouldn’t I know? You just want to sleep with me.” Sky didn’t understand what this young man found so interesting about him. It was true that Sky was familiar with sex, but looking at it, Phra Phai shouldn’t lack for romantic partners at all. Finding someone better than him, more skilled than him, wouldn’t be difficult. So why was he still fooling around with someone who had refused who knows how many times?
“Yes, I want to sleep with Sky.”
Sky’s good feelings plummeted into the negative.
“But that was a story from several weeks ago.”
Sky shut his mouth immediately, looking at the well-built young man who got up and walked to grab the clothes hanging on the balcony, not understanding, but not asking. He turned his face away when Phra Phai took off Sky’s basketball shorts and threw them toward the laundry basket, and then began to put on the clothes he had worn, returning to its proper place. When everything was in order, Phra Phai walked over and stopped in front of Sky.
Those honey-colored eyes looked at him openly.
Not scheming, not coated with playfulness, rather serious to the point of being oddly surprising.
“When I asked for your number from Warain, I only thought about wanting to sleep with you one more time. But now I’ve changed my mind… I’m going to get serious now.”
Sky was still silent.
“What I want from Nong Sky isn’t difficult at all… let me court you properly.”
“Huh?”
Sky widened his eyes in disbelief, and then saw a wide smile. Phra Phai’s sharp eyes looked confident, followed by a laughing voice.
“Just don’t block my number, answer my calls sometimes, reply to some messages, and don’t run away every time you see me. See? Not difficult at all.” He was more surprised that the scheming young man was asking for only this, so he narrowed his eyes. He admitted that more than half of him was suspicious.
If he wants to court, then let him; I’m confident my heart is strong enough. But is he really only asking for this? Sky thought.
“I ask for only this.”
Then he turned to smile at Sky. Phra Phai himself confirmed the suspicion, then moved away to grab the laptop he had brought to work during this evening, then…
The smile made Sky only stiffen.
At sunset, the last light of the day bathed Phra Phai’s sharp-featured face, accentuating this young man’s charm prominently. His eyes sparkled, his smile was so brilliant that Sky’s vision blurred, and all of that, Phra Phai was giving to him. Someone like him, who had nothing good.
Phra Phai spoke confidently.
“As long as Nong Sky doesn’t run from me, I’m confident I am good enough to make you like me.”
Thump! Thump!! Thump!!!
At that moment, the sound of the lump of flesh in Sky’s chest beat so fast that he had to turn his face away.
What’s wrong with me? Sky thought.
“Today, considering that Nong Sky is sick, I’ll agree to stop here for now. But don’t think that on other days, I’ll only advance this much.” Phra Phai smiled radiantly, walked past him toward the room door, opened it until Sky took a deep breath.
“No matter how much you advance, I don’t care.”
But Phra Phai smiled even wider.
“Then let’s wait and see the results.”
Slam!
The room door closed, and Sky dropped to sit on the bed, not because he was too sick to stand, but because his heart rate was still faster than normal, forcing him to press his lips tightly together. Suddenly, he thought that no matter what, he must not soften, until he had to shake his head, brushing this feeling out of his head.
How could someone who had been through something like that soften toward someone like this? Sky thought.
But Sky didn’t deny the truth that he really did owe Phra Phai.
He would definitely repay him, but not by offering himself in exchange like that.
Sky shook his head vigorously again, blaming all his wicked thoughts on the fever. If it were normal times, I wouldn’t have even this hesitation. Until he stood up, gathered his thoughts on what needed to be done, to drive away that young man’s matters. Thinking about it made his head hurt.
He had work to submit to the professor, not to mention that tomorrow was the first-years’ last day of cheer. Sky therefore did not hesitate to call a friend to ask how things were.
Sky had been dedicated for weeks for the first-year juniors tomorrow.
The last day of cheer in their faculty was considered a major annual event. There would be cheering from the evening crossing over to the next morning. It was both exhausting and heavy, but it was an activity that promoted love and understanding of this faculty for all the junior students. He had been impressed since last year and thought he would make the junior students feel the same. Even if his heart said he couldn’t, no matter how tired he was, Sky gritted his teeth and performed his duties to the best of his ability. And tomorrow was the day to see the admirable results.
Fortunately, his fever went down in time; he didn’t want to miss tomorrow.
***
“Is there anything I can help with?”
[You just rest. Get fully better and then come tomorrow. Anyway, we’ll be together until morning.**]
Chik said, making Sky feel relieved. He saw that Warain, who hardly ever touched activities, had also come down to help in his part, and there were many friends who had stepped in to cover his work, so there was nothing to worry about. So who said cheer activities didn’t create any benefits? Sky said it wasn’t true. Look at the affection and harmony among them.
Every activity provided benefits; it just depended on how you looked at it.
Sky didn’t realize how long he had been on the phone until there was a knock on the door, so he walked to open it.
“Did you forget something, Khrap?”
“Yeah, I forgot.” The young man in front of his room was the same young man… the one holding up a plastic bag containing a foam box.
“Forgot to buy dinner for the sick young man. Here. Today, don’t go out anywhere, okay? Rest until you’re fully better.” Phra Phai stuffed the plastic bag into Sky’s hand, making Sky unable to help but look at Phra Phai’s sharp face warily. He didn’t know what trick Phra Phai was up to, but Phra Phai instead smiled and said simply.
“Then I’m really going home now.”
After speaking, Phra Phai, who said he would retreat today, turned toward the stairs, leaving Sky stunned for a moment, and then decided.
Yes, I must be sick.
Smack!
“Huh?”
Mwah!
“I don’t like owing anyone. Thank you for the dinner, Khrap.” Sky ignored the surprised demeanor of the well-built young man when he grabbed his arm and promptly pulled him in to press a quick kiss on his cheek, mumbling anxiously, then let go of his hand, turned around, and quickly went back into the room.
The last thing Sky saw was Phra Phai making a startled face.
Slam!
The room door closed again, along with Sky, whose legs went weak, stubbornly dropping to sit flat on the floor.
Sky still insisted that he did it because he didn’t want to owe anyone, plus being sick, purely.
Knock! Knock!
“Next time, I won’t let you escape.”
Phra Phai standing in front of the room left those words behind, before the sound of walking along the corridor was heard, leaving Sky raising his hands to hold his chest, mumbling softly.
“You won’t catch me.”
Are you sure, Sky? a small voice in his heart asked.
At this moment, Sky wasn’t so confident either.
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