Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
~~~
“Phîi Phai! You are a damned-animal awesome!”
“I think it was ordinary.”
Phra Phai was not surprised at all that he drove the high-performance race car to the finish line ahead of his competitor, even though the other's engine was more powerful. Whether it was because he was already skilled or because his morale was good, he did not know. What was certain was the young man pulled off his sweat-drenched helmet, pushing back his soaking wet hair, looking so good that the young women around him were staring with admiring eyes. However, the person in question did not care. He looked towards the spot where he had left his romantic partner, but before his eyes found Sky, Âi Phet rushed in to intercept him, voicing admiration, his eyes sparkling.
How could he not know that Âi Phet was "sucking up".
The young man knew, but recently, he had become closer to him than before. Perhaps because he sucked up at the right point. Praising him alone was already boring; everyone said the same thing. But when he mentioned Sky with an admiring look, saying this Phra Phai had good taste and that Sky was lucky, he allowed him to come into a much closer radius than other acquaintances.
Now they were close enough to change their pronouns to using 'I' and 'you' frankly.
“What do you mean ordinary? You left him in the dust. It was absolutely cool. You will definitely get a lot of money from this event.”
“You sound like you are short on money.” Phra Phai said jokingly, because no one who came to this event was short on money. It was known that even if you bet money to try your luck, if you could not pay when you lost, the event owner would make you suffer terribly.
Phet looked at him with hope.
“Sorry, I have a Mia now.”
“I did not mean that. Well, but I also mean that.”
“What is wrong with you?” Phra Phai said amusedly, seeing that he did not want to ask for a place in bed or for money.
That made the younger person put on a sly face, moved closer, raised his hand to put an arm around his neck, and gestured towards another part of the event, until he had to look and see a beautiful, well-built young woman who was making sweet eyes at him.
“Do you see? I want her.”
“Then why are you telling me?” Now he had stopped and only spent his energy on Sky.
The question that Phet whispered back in an eager voice.
“Well, that girl said if I can get her into your room, she will let me have her.”
“So you became close to me for that.” Phra Phai knew he had some purpose, and only understood now what he wanted. Phet himself tried to persuade him.
“Come on, Phîi Phai. Let me borrow your room for a bit. The room you use to take girls up. The girls, I do not know how they talk among themselves, but they keep saying that getting into your room is a thing. If I want this one, I have to exchange by taking her to your room. Please? After we are done, I will call someone to clean it for you. Are we not like brothers? Help your younger brother Phet a little.” Phra Phai felt no pity, only annoyance.
“I am hot. Can you let me go yet?”
“Please, Phîi Phai, just one night. I can return the key to your house tomorrow.” He still would not stop bargaining, which made Phra Phai narrow his eyes a little, deciding whether to give in or not.
“Âi Phai, you have another race! The car is ready.” Just then, Âi Sai-fah walked over and patted his shoulder, looking at Phet with a suspicious gaze.
“Please, Phîi Phai, please, I beg you.” But the youth Phet still refused to go away, shaking his neck more vigorously, until Phra Phai rolled his eyes.
“Fine, fine.” He finally turned to Sai-fah, took the item he had left with him during the race, fished for a card, and after a short while handed it over.
“But if you do anything illegal in my room, I will kill you.”
“Thank you, Phîi! I promise to use it quickly and return it quickly!” Phet grinned widely, raising his hands in a satisfied wai, kissing the card, which made Phra Phai think he would probably break it and replace it once he got it back. But before this youth could walk over to the woman he had his eyes on, he remembered something first.
“Do not touch the dining table! Do not even let your fingertips touch it. If I find out you did anything on that table, I will kill you too!” That was the sacred object that made him hear Sky say he was his for the first time. If they made it dirty, he guaranteed he would make them pay. Although Phet was confused about why a dining table was so special to be guarded like that, he nodded in agreement.
“Okay, Phîi, I will not touch the dining table.”
He accepted cheerfully, kissed the card in his hand again, and walked over to that woman.
“Was it good to give it to him? I do not like his face much.”
“And you think I do?” Phra Phai answered the question, tossing his things for Sai-fah to hold. His eyes immediately gleamed.
“I am waiting to see what he wants from me. I am crazy, but I am not stupid. Why would I not see the fox-like look in his eyes? I am going to catch him red-handed to find out what he wants. If he uses my room for drugs, I will be the one to throw him in jail. For now, let him go. If he does not bite me, I will act normal.” He told his friend in a fierce voice.
Phra Phai knew many people. How could he not notice a youth who came to suck up to him? He saw, but he was waiting to see what he really wanted.
“Yeah, it is good you are cautious. I have felt something peculiar since he and his friend started coming here often. They do not race, they do not bet, they do not even seem interested in cars. It is like they are specifically sucking up to you.” Sai-fah said what he saw, because those two had disappeared for a long time and then suddenly returned, which seemed suspicious. You could say he was paranoid, but he did not like the look in their eyes.
“Yeah, tomorrow I will go see what shit-lizard thing he did in my room.” Phra Phai nodded, then walked back to his car. Even though he wanted to go show his victory to Sky, because Âi Sai-fah had patted him and said it was his turn next, he had to gather his concentration on the race. At the very least, he did not want to be too careless and lose in front of his Mia.
He dedicated tonight's victory entirely to Sky.
That is true! If Sky does not want to go out, then during this break I should go back home to Lopburi to keep him company. That way I can introduce myself as the son-in-law.
From initially being annoyed at being interrupted, Phra Phai's mood became much better because he had not forgotten that his romantic partner said the break was coming. Therefore, tonight he must celebrate the victory by riding... oops! Holding his Mia tightly until morning. Anyway, architecture youth sleep late, so tonight he can sleep because of doing other things, right?
Sigh! Can I not race anymore?
At this time, Phra Phai, who used to place racing among the top priorities in his heart, had elevated Sky above everything else.
Was that not appropriate? Since the sky is above the earth, then Sky is above everything for him too.
Right now, Phra Phai did not want victory; he really wanted the Sky.
Heh, I am not really thinking deeply.
***
“Phîi Gun, what a coincidence.”
Sky might have been so scared he froze, but less than a minute later, the young man swallowed his fear and brought out the strength he had used to protect himself over the past years. He retorted with a slight smile, his face calm as if he felt nothing about having to meet the man who had created severe wounds in his heart.
The other party's demeanor showed clear surprise.
“Indeed, we have not seen each other so long that Sky dares to look at me like this now.”
From a young man who looked up to him and would do anything, Sky was now looking at the other with contempt.
“How I look is no longer related to you.” Sky said coldly. Even though he felt the ground beneath his feet could give way at any moment, he still stood firm. That might be because he knew that just beyond the container truck was the man who could protect him, currently racing.
Phîi Phai is right here. You do not have to be afraid. Phîi Phai will not let anyone do anything to you.
Sky comforted himself, looking at the other's face with an expressionless face, hiding the truth that the nightmare still haunted him. And this very gaze turned the surprised look into one of satisfaction.
“I thought you were broken from playing, but Phîi Phai has repaired you even better than before.”
Before this, Sky could pretend not to care, but now he turned pale upon hearing another man's name.
Was this shit-lizard saying he knew Phîi Phai!
Even though that incident was long ago, even though he told Phîi Phai he would tell him one day, Sky knew he could never tell that despicable story to his masc romantic partner. What would Phîi Phai think? How dirty would he see him for having been violated like that? Even though part of him thought Phîi Phai would never speak ill of him, there was no guarantee he could accept that his romantic partner had been with three men at once.
“What I become is none of your business.” Yet the young man still controlled his composure, speaking in a calm, steady voice, acting as if they had never been anything.
But that did not erase the smile from the other man's face at all. The other party looked satisfied and interested, which made Sky tremble even more.
No! Âi Sky, what the hell are you afraid of with just one shit-lizard!
“If you have nothing else, I will take my leave.” Having said that, he tried to sidestep.
Whoosh!
But Gun moved to block his path as well, forcing him to look up into his eyes. But he only stared at the silver ring he once found so cool at the end of his eyebrow, unable to look into the eyes that had stared directly at him while he was being gang-raped. Only the calm expression was something Sky was confident he could still maintain.
“Now that you are Phîi Phai's youth, you look so confident.”
“And why should I not be confident?”
“Do not forget that I was the one who told you the location of this racing track.”
He grew angrier.
Sky clenched his fists tightly, looking at the person who acted as if he knew everything in the world. But he must not show weakness, must not let anyone take advantage of him, until he spoke in a heavier tone, his eyes gleaming, and Sky found out that he...
“That was in exchange for the shit-lizard things you did to me!”
The smile on his face disappeared, replaced by laughter.
Gun laughed loudly, amused, bringing back the terrible memories until Sky almost collapsed.
He never felt anything for me; he saw my resistance as a fun toy for him! Why were you so stupid not to see it, Âi Sky!
If Sky could go back, he would tell his past self to open his eyes, not to be infatuated with fake kindness, not to be intoxicated by shit-lizard love that never existed. It never loved him, never cared for him, never gave him anything. He just deceived himself on days when he needed someone to accept his identity as someone who liked men, he needed the love that his parents had neglected.
“Have you laughed enough?"
Sky gritted his teeth and asked even though he was pale, just as the other leaned in so close he almost recoiled. The eyes he once liked, the face he once adored, the voice he once obeyed everything it said, asked...
“Do you think he is serious with you, then?”
Do not call my name!
The young man shouted in his head, but he did not speak, pressing his lips together because his mind echoed the other's question.... Is Phîi Phai really serious about him?
Once again, fear surged in his heart.
“I know Phîi Phai well. His nature is not different from mine, you know...”
“It is different! Phîi Phai is not a shit-lizard like you!”
The person who thought he could be cold to the extreme became heated just because he was mentioning the person at the racing event. He did not know where this great anger came from, shouting to cut off Gun who was about to say that Phîi Phai was like him, which he did not want to hear, did not want to know, because in truth, the young man had also thought that Phîi Phai was like this person. Phîi Phai himself loved having fun as his life's passion, and he was just a toy that came along. He had been afraid all along, afraid that everything would repeat, afraid Phîi Phai would come to deceive him. But it was not, right? Phîi Phai did not deceive him like he did!
“Excuse me, I do not have time to talk.” Even though he had controlled his composure all along, now Sky was visibly shaking.
Just thinking that Phîi Phai was like the despicable-person standing in front of him made his heart tremble frighteningly. Even though his mind said there was no way they were the same, his body that had been tortured and his heart that had been hurt built a protective barrier to prevent further pain.
Sky was showing that he was afraid Phîi Phai would deceive and play with him, and how could the person in front of him not see it?
“Okay, we can talk again next time. I am close with Phîi Phai; we will see each other again.” Gun was the one to step back, giving up easily, which was strange.
But Sky did not care about anything anymore. The young man quickly took long strides past him to unlock the car and grab his phone, only to find out... he was shaking all over.
A close friend, but... if it were not for the fact that he was in the sight of another man, he would have collapsed into the car seat, hugging himself in trepidation. But Sky just put his phone in his pocket, locked the car, and walked past Gun, heading straight to...
“I taught Sky that seriousness is boring.... No one is serious with Sky.”
As he walked past, the other spoke up with a laugh in his voice, until he clenched his fists tightly. He hurried back to Warain as fast as he could, while his mind argued loudly.
No! Phîi Phai is not like that. Phîi Phai takes good care of you, never hurts you!
But then another voice followed.
But that shit-lizard was also good to you, and then he hurt you, did he not? Do you think you can tame a womanizer? Do you think he really loves you? Everything has happened before, so why are you not wary yet!!!!
The young man raised his hands to clutch his own chest tightly, feeling suffocated.
No! Phîi Phai did not deceive you into feeling at ease and then have fun with you. No, it is impossible!
He was not just having a headache; he saw everything blurry. The stress pressured him until he almost vomited the dinner he had celebrated with his friends. But Sky still composed himself and walked to Warain with a face paler than paper.
“Âi Rain.”
“Hey! Where did you disappear to for so long? I was about to go look for you... What is wrong with you!” When he touched his friend's shoulder, Rain turned around with a cheerful grin, but that grin disappeared immediately, replaced by shock.
“Your face is bloody fucking pale.”
“No, it is nothing.” Sky did not tell his friend; he did not dare to tell. He was also afraid that even his friend would see him as dirty, so he just quickly said.
“I am going back first. I do not feel well.”
“What is wrong? There is a hospital on the next road. I will go with you.”
“No, no. I just did not get enough sleep. Well, you know that after not having to submit work to the professor, it is super relieving. Last night I did not sleep enough, now I am terribly sleepy. I just want to go back to the dorm to sleep.” Sky said hastily because he wanted to leave this event as quickly as possible, even though his eyes glanced towards the other side of the road and saw Phîi Phai who was talking to someone he... seemed to have met before.
Flash!
“Âi Gun, you trained your youth well! So tight, so tight, so tight!”
Thud!
The memory flashed back. The image of the person licking his lips leaning over his body made Sky grab his friend's shoulder tightly. He was already stiff and tense.
“Âi Sky, are you sure you do not want to go to the hospital?” He used almost all his energy to pull his gaze back to Rain, shaking his head vigorously.
“Then I will take you.”
“No, I will...”
“No what? I brought you here, so I have to take you back. Wait a sec, I will go tell Phîi Payu first.” Sky did not know how he would get back to the dorm at such a late hour, but he could not refuse his friend who ran to tell the head mechanic in time. He could only bow his head and look at his toes, his two arms hugging his chest tightly to calm himself. But Sky could not stop his eyes from looking back for the tall figure.
He saw Phîi Phai, but he did not know if Phîi Phai saw him. What was certain was that Phîi Phai was talking intimately with Âi Gun's friend, which made Sky's body feel cold.
It is just a coincidence, just an acquaintance. It is fine. It is nothing.
“Let us go, Âi Sky. I told Phîi Payu.” Âi Rain ran back, so he pulled his gaze back to look at his friend's face.
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for what? Just taking you back. You have helped me so much.” Rain said laughingly, then led the way back to the car. Sky turned to look at Phîi Phai for a moment, hesitating whether he should go tell the other, but his body commanded him to get out of here, to leave this racing venue as fast as possible, so he hurriedly followed his friend and rushed into the car.
“Rain!”
Sky was already sitting still in the car, not paying attention to his close friend who turned towards the voice. He could not help but look around fearfully; his body was still trembling slightly, even though his ex was no longer around.
“Sorry, he called for me.” The car owner got into the driver's seat, started the engine, and shifted gears.
“Which way to Phîi Phai's condominium, Âi Sky?”
“Condominium?” Sky turned to look at the driver's face in confusion, and his close friend nodded eagerly.
“Yes. Well, the Phîi who called me just now was an event security guard. He said Phîi Phai asked him to tell you to wait for him at the condominium. You should go sleep at Phîi Phai's condominium. Or do you want to go back to the dorm?” The listener was silent for a moment, even though the lump of flesh in his chest that had been beating rapidly with fear immediately calmed down.
Phîi Phai saw that he was acting strange, right?
“Going to the condominium is fine.” The young man felt a bit more relieved, then told his friend the route.
Phîi Phai is not like you. Phîi Phai genuinely cares for me! He is not pretending, not like a shit-lizard like you!
Sky closed his eyes, taking a breath to summon his courage. Even though he appeared calm on the outside, inside he was still as turbulent as before. And he was wondering what Phîi Phai talked about with Âi Gun's friend. However, the heart that had accepted the large man comforted him that it was nothing, just people he knew from the event. Phîi Phai was not like them. Even though his mind... still argued, how were they different?
He was lost in his own thoughts until they arrived at the condominium where Phra Phai had once taken him.
“Do you want me to go up with you?”
“No need. You go back to Phîi Payu. Thanks for the ride.” Sky got out of the car, bowing his head to tell his friend.
“Uh, you should get a lot of sleep. You look as pale as a sick person. Okay, see you later.” Âi Rain said with concern, making the person on this end force a smile to see him off, closed the door, watched his friend's car drive away from the front of the building, then took out the card his masc romantic partner had given him, tapped it to go up to the upper floor.
Since the time he came to get a birthday present for Phra Phai's acquaintance, he had not been here again. However, the young man did not think much of it; anyway, this place was much closer than his dorm, and Sky needed a quiet place to compose himself. Being here or at the dorm was not much different.
Slam!
He stepped into the completely silent room, turned on the light, and looked at the beautifully empty suite with a heavy heart. He walked over and collapsed onto the sofa set, rubbing his face hard with both hands to compose himself.
“Tell Phîi Phai. Tell him everything! Then you will not have to be afraid like this again!” Sky whispered softly.
He was asking himself if he should tell his masc romantic partner about what happened. He did not want Phîi Phai to know his past, as much as he feared the changed look in his eyes. But if he kept it hidden and had to fear the day the past would resurface at any moment, would it be better to tell him himself? Both about being hurt and about his worries. And it might sound selfish, but could he beg Phîi Phai to stop associating with them?
Would Phîi Phai listen to him?
Many questions popped into his head, but above all... would he be disgusted?
The Âi Sky who was once a toy for three men to vent their lust on together!
“Stop thinking, Âi Sky. Stop thinking already. Phîi Phai is not like that. He is not!”
The young man took a breath to regain his composure, even though he was so scared he had to raise both hands to hug his chest, pull his legs up onto the sofa, and bury his face in his knees like a person needing protection.
Phîi Phai, come back quickly, please! Come hold me. Tell me it is okay. Tell me the nightmare is over.
Sky pleaded, holding his knees tighter, waiting almost breathlessly for the room's owner to return.
Beep!... Crank!
“Phîi Phai!”
Suddenly, Sky jolted violently, turning sharply to look towards the entrance because he heard the sound of the lock being opened. His pale face gradually broke into a wide smile, his eyes shining with joy, thinking his wish had come true. Phîi Phai had returned. He sprang up to his full height, but....
“We meet sooner than expected, Sky.”
“Oh-oh! Long time no see. Let us have fun again tonight.”
Two men from his nightmare were standing in front of him, inside.... Phra Phai's room.
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