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Perspective - Ae (Inthach)
The hottest day of the year has already passed, and besides getting to soak myself to the bone (enough that Ai'Dīe caught a cold), I'm beginning to understand what Ai'Pond meant when he said he was bored, because... Ai'Pete has flown off to visit his father in Germany.
He left last week, but to me, it feels as though he's been gone for a month.
The time difference between Thailand and Germany means we talk less often, and although we still chat on video, it's not the same as seeing each other in person. The funniest part is, it's scorching here in Thailand, but over there, it's ten degrees. Every time I see Ai'Pete wearing long sleeves on the screen, I somehow feel even hotter.
It's not in a vulgar way—it's genuinely hot.
"Ae, you're sweating all over," he notices, of course, since I come back to my room in the afternoon after helping my brother work, connect to the internet, and open the camera to chat with him, waiting for me on the other side. And, since my room has no air conditioning, it's hardly surprising that I'm dripping with sweat while looking at Ai'Pete in a turtleneck and long sleeves.
"Seeing you makes me even hotter," I said, flapping my tank top vigorously.
"How hot is it over there?"
"Hang on." I reach for my phone, open the weather app, and sigh heavily.
"36 degrees, but it feels like 40 to me." My answer makes him laugh, and he adds, "It's 12 degrees here right now—perfectly cool, you know." I know he's teasing me, so I shoot him a stern look and speak in a scolding tone.
"When you get back, I'll make you pay for this." I say it, but these days, he's not afraid of me anymore.
Instead, he laughs even harder, which eases my irritation from the heat, and eventually, I find myself smiling along with him. When he finally stops laughing, he says, "But no matter how cool it is here, I'd still rather come back to the hot weather in Thailand."
I pause, looking at his face… that handsome, fair-skinned face, which looks even paler in the cold. He's smiling softly at me, but I know just how badly he wants to return to Thailand.
He tells me from the beginning that he doesn't want to visit his father. He says he always feels like an outsider in his father's new family, especially with his half-brother, with whom he shares no real closeness. However, his father and mother have agreed upon this arrangement during their divorce: he would be the one to visit. Hearing that, I tell him his father must love him deeply, or he wouldn't have made that agreement.
Yet he replies to me, "No, it's just about showing he still has power over me."
I don't know much about his father, but for someone as kind as Ai'Pete to speak like this… his father must really be something.
"One more week," I say, and he nods. Seeing his dejected, homesick look though, I smile to console him.
"I saw your photo on Facebook. You went out with your younger brother, don't you?" Ai'Pete nods again.
"You could say I'm his babysitter too. He's only eight, but he's quite mature. Maybe it's because he's been raised in a Western environment, so he's a confident kid." He seems to genuinely care for his brother.
Then though, my Khun-chai starts sulking at me.
"Ae, you haven't shared anything new about yourself at all."
There it is… right on time, I think to myself, watching him ask me once again to post photos on Facebook. I still don't understand why he wants me to upload anything. Most days, I'm either at my mom's restaurant or helping out at my brother's electrical shop. I'm not out exploring like he is. If I were to post anything, it'd just be pictures of a laborer carrying electrical cables. Besides, we video chat regularly—even if only for a few minutes at a time.
"I don't like taking photos," I tell him, same as always, making Ai'Pete sigh.
"I just want to know what you're up to, that's all."
I chuckle, amused by how my Khun-chai has transformed into a kid before my eyes.
"I'm telling you what I'm up to right now, aren't I?"
In the end, he gives up. But, believe me, tomorrow, he'll ask again and keep at it until I give in and upload one or two photos. It doesn't annoy me, though. In the past, I might have thought that trying to please a romantic partner was silly and made me feel less like myself. Now, I feel that, for the small things I can do for him, I actually want to.
"Hey, I have to go. I told Mom I'd run out to get some supplies." When I glance at the clock, I realize the time and quickly explain. His face falls even further.
"Alright." That look makes me scratch my head, so I say, "I miss you, you know." Then I end the call before he can see my slight embarrassment, as I head out to continue helping. And, damn, the heat that felt stifling just a minute ago now seems surprisingly comfortable.
I really am smitten with him, just as that bloody fucking cur Pond claims.
"Uncle Ae, let's get some sweet shaved ice."
I'm pausing to look at something when a small hand tugs on my shirt, pulling me down to see what's going on.
Right now, my niece smiles much more than she did a year ago, as in a few months, she will celebrate her third birthday. Thus, the child, who is already quite articulate, speaks even better now. I secretly wonder if my niece has ever met Ai'Khaen. However, my niece's charm still far exceeds that of my friend.
"Just a moment, let me see this first," I reply to my niece while extending my hand for her to hold.
Today, I came out to help my sister-in-law carry things. To be honest, I'm just here to stroll around the mall. But while walking behind the two mothers and children, who are pointing out various things, my gaze inadvertently lands on a shop. I must have stayed there long enough for my niece to run back after me.
"But I'm hungry!" My niece gives me her best puppy dog eyes, making me hesitate until P'Nut turns back.
"Ae, what are you looking at? Ah, how about we eat some sweet shaved ice first, huh, Niece Yim? Then your uncle will catch up." When P'Nut sees where my attention lies, she lets out a lighthearted laugh, teasing me as I try to maintain a neutral expression.
"But I want to eat with Uncle Ae!" My niece speaks more clearly than before, and P'Nut lifts her daughter up.
"Uncle Ae will come, don't worry." Somehow, I feel like I am being teased, yet I nod enthusiastically, watching the two mothers and children walk towards the ice cream shop before I turn back to inspect the item before me again.
"You can try it on, you know. The shop offers engraving," the vendor approaches me, prompting me to smile in response. And yes, what I'm looking at is… a ring.
A simple silver ring that barely has any design and is not from a luxury brand. Still, it manages to catch my interest enough to stop and look.
In just a few months, it will mark the anniversary of when I met Ai'Pete.
I pick up the simple silver ring and suddenly realize that I have never given Ai'Pete any type of anniversary gift. I suppose it's just him who remembers these things.
I realize later that on every anniversary, Ai'Pete invites me to have a meal or watch a movie. Sometimes, he brings small snacks for me, not wanting me to know that he places importance on our anniversary.
Ai'Pete never expects me to be romantic with him; he merely wants me to reciprocate. Yet, can I not give him anything in return?
Thus, I pick up two rings, try them on, and take a chance to see if I gauge the size correctly before handing them to the seller.
"Will you have a name engraved as well?" I pause for a moment before nodding. However, when he asks what name I would like to engrave, I find myself at a loss until I glance down at the leather bracelet I still wear. Then, I smile...
I believe I now know what to engrave.
Perspective - Pete (Pitchaya)
Finally, I return to Thailand.
Today, I awaken with an internal brightness exceeding one hundred, after yesterday's long flight. I inform Ae that there is no need to pick me up, for I arrived in Thailand quite late. I propose that we meet today instead.
"Ah! Khun-nu just returns and is tired. Where are you off to?"
As I prepare to leave the house, Aunt Jeab inquires, prompting me to turn and smile widely, speaking loudly enough for my mother to chuckle softly.
"I am going to see someone special, Aunt." Having said that, I swiftly exit the house, hearing Aunt Jeab converse with my mother in bewilderment.
"Who is Khun-nu's special person?" Aunt Jeab asks.
I do not know how my mother responds, but I understand that she knows me best.
Before long, I drive to the city center, the same place where I sat with Ae and my friends a month ago. Today, at the same seat and the same table, only Ae is there, playing on his phone while waiting for me. My smile broadens as I realize just how much I miss him.
Ae has changed slightly since the last time I saw him in person, as he mentioned he just had his hair cut very short. Today, he wears long jeans and a dark collared shirt. Yet his posture remains the same. He sits with his feet spread apart, leaning back against the chair, while his shoulders stay straight. Anyone who claims that Ae is not handsome, I would argue vehemently against.
To me... he is the most attractive, the coolest, and the most captivating.
I stand like a fool, secretly watching my partner for nearly a minute before I take a deep breath and step in front of him.
The shadow I cast makes him stop scrolling on his phone, and he looks up.
He smiles.
I smile.
In those few seconds, it feels as though it is just the two of us, and Ae reaches out to take my hand.
"Welcome back home."
I have never felt this happy to return to Thailand before, but right now, I am elated—truly elated. I feel warm, not just from his hand holding mine, but from an indescribable feeling. I can only tell Ae that…
"I have returned now."
After that, I care little about sitting at the same table as him. I do not mind if anyone thinks, Here are two gay partners dining together. Because if Ae says he does not care, then I will stop caring about everyone's gaze. Meanwhile, Ae walks off to buy food for me, sits beside me, looks at my face, and intertwines his fingers with my hair while I eat.
"Do you have to go to Germany like this every year?"
"Until I turn twenty-one," I respond, adding an explanation.
"That coincides with the age I graduate from university, Ae. To put it simply, I suppose I must say that my father wants to control me until I become an adult... It is his way of asserting power."
Ae nods. He understands me better than anyone, recognizing that I fear my father due to concerns about a repeat of his reaction to my mother acting independently.
He then hands me a paper bag.
"What is this?" I ask, hardly believing my eyes when I see Ae avoid my gaze, pulling his hand back to scratch his chin.
"A gift."
I furrow my brow.
"For my birthday? That has already passed, and you..."
"Oh, I forgot. You do not have to remind me. I already feel terribly guilty."
I cannot help but laugh because my birthday was over a month ago, coinciding with when Ae was taking his final exams. I did not want to disturb him, so I did not remind him. Honestly, I knew Ae had never asked about my birthday, so I thought he knew, which made me a bit sad that he could forget. Who would know that the next day he would rush over to my house, looking panicked, just to say "Sorry, sorry, sorry," making even my mother laugh?
Ae is not detail-oriented, and the nearly year I have known him has taught me what he is like. Therefore, I am surprised by the gift before me.
"What is this?"
"Open it and see." At this moment, Ae turns back to look at me as I open the paper bag and see a small square box, about the size of my palm, which I cannot help but shake gently.
Clink, clink.
I hear the sound of metal clinking together and turn back to meet his gaze.
"I do not know if you will like it," he interrupts me, even though he should know that whatever he gives me will make me happy. Thus, I open it with uncontainable excitement.
I have never expected—no, I have not dared to expect—Ae's recklessness. I tell myself that it might be something small, but I do not really think that something so small could hold such meaning.
"A pair of rings," I whisper softly, my eyes widening as I gaze at the simple silver rings tied together with a soft pink bow.
I then look up to meet Ae's gaze, stunned. My hand holding the box shakes, causing the rings to clink together, while Ae looks away from me again.
"The seller tied a bow for me. That damned smile made me want to punch him in the mouth for smiling so much." He says.
Ae is extremely shy; I know this. However, seeing him with reddening ears and blushing cheeks makes me want to hug him tightly and tell him how happy I am. Since we are still in a public place, I bow my head to look at the pair of rings once more, even though I feel warmth gathering at the corners of my eyes.
"Which one is for me?" I ask softly, fearing I might cry from happiness, which causes Ae to turn back to look at me. He then reaches out to take both rings, pulling the bow apart before inspecting the inside of the rings.
"This one is yours." My curiosity immediately gets the better of me, so I take the ring from Ae and look closely. I see just three letters—no, it cannot be my name, as my name has four letters. Instead, they spell out the word... you. A spark of realization hits me, and I turn to glance at the ring in Ae's hand, which he promptly hands to me with a mumble.
"Don't laugh. This is all I could come up with."
I do not laugh. Instead, I look at the other ring, which has only two letters: me. I fall silent, taken aback. Others might wonder what you & me signifies, but my gaze lands directly on the leather bracelet around Ae's wrist, and I murmur softly,
"For you...from me."
To you...from me.
We do not need to engrave each other's names. As long as our hearts understand who is giving and who is receiving...that is enough.
"Is this one mine?" My voice wavers, and I am frustrated with myself for choosing to meet him here.
No, I am frustrated with Ae for giving this to me in a place where I cannot cry. My frustration vanishes in an instant though when he takes my hand and slides the for you ring onto my finger. He tries to put it on my middle finger, but... it does not fit.
"Oh, did I buy the wrong size?" he mumbles, seeming to forget where he is while placing the ring on my finger. I slip the ring off that finger and put it on another one instead. "It fits perfectly," I say, showing him the ring on the fourth finger of my right hand.
I smile widely, my face flushed, and tell Ae…
"Do you know that, according to some beliefs, wearing a ring on the fourth finger of the right hand means you are someone who is about to divorce, but you continue wearing it out of tradition?" Ae goes silent, clearly startled by what I've said.
I quickly add, all the while gazing at my own hand, "But some people believe that wearing a ring on the right ring finger means you already have a romantic partner... that someone's claimed you. We believe that second meaning... so I'm claiming you, Ae."
Then I continue, "You've claimed me now, Ae."
I force the words out, blushing, and glance up at him briefly, only to find him looking taken aback. I can tell he didn't know the meaning behind wearing a ring on this finger. Ae didn't intentionally buy a ring meant for the fourth finger on the left hand; he wears his ring on his middle finger. But now, he's slipping the ring onto the fourth finger of his right hand...and it fits perfectly.
"Then that means I got it right," he tells me, before leaning over to whisper in my ear,
"You're claimed. Remember that."
There it is—no matter how many months pass, Ae remains straightforward, always saying things that leave me blushing like mad.
Then he tells me, "This is for our first anniversary."
"But it hasn't arrived yet."
"Well, I'm giving it early. Otherwise, I might forget."
I'm taken aback for a moment but then laugh.
No matter how many months go by, Ae is still Ae—never one for finesse, always saying exactly what he thinks. Who else would think to give a gift in advance just in case they forget the anniversary?
I smile, wanting to rest my head on his shoulder right then and there, but I restrain myself and lean in to whisper back, "Then I'll remind you next time."
And then Ae said, "I'll be there every year, too."
Can I allow myself to believe that I'll have him with me every single year?
Perspective - Ae (Inthach)
I'm ready to bury someone alive.
Right now, I'm sighing heavily in the car as we head toward Prachuap Province. Even though it's Ai'Pete's car, I'm the one driving today. So why are we headed out of town?
Because of Khaen, that's why.
Ever since Ai'Pete came back to Thailand, I've fallen back into my usual cycle of helping out at home, though we've agreed to meet at least twice a week. However, because I remembered that I'd promised my romantic partner last year that we'd go on a trip together, I suggested a nearby getaway, and my mind went blank for ideas.
Last year, I went to Pranburi, so this year, I thought to invite Ai'Pete to visit Hua Hin.
We agreed that it would be a quick day trip, just a morning start with a return the same day. Unfortunately though, I made the mistake of mentioning to Ai'Pond that I was going out with Ai'Pete. That was all it took for him to start trying to recruit his old high school friends to join us. Fortunately, none of them were available to meddle, but unlucky me—Ai'Bloody-Fucking-Pond doesn't just have one group of friends.
This time, he invited his university group instead, and then...
I glance at the rearview mirror and spot a Porsche, and if I didn't know better, I'd have thought it was the same one. It's a familiar four-door model, and I sigh in frustration.
Ai'Pond decided to invite Ai'Khaen, and Ai'Khaen in turn invited Ai'Tinn. So, what was originally a trip for just the two of us has now grown into a full-blown entourage.
Finally, I pull the car into a parking spot at a well-known water park near Hua Hin. The passengers from all three cars begin to pile out one by one.
If you thought it would only be me, Ai'Pete, Ai'Khaen, Ai'Tinn, and Ai'Pond, you'd be wrong, because…
"Eeeek! Fabulous, darling, fabulous! Nong Pete, I brought a two-piece swimsuit to show off my fabulous figure just for you today!"
I can only wonder how P'Money, one of Pete's seniors, managed to join in. Upon questioning, Pete admitted that he let it slip, which explains why this hulking person in a see-through shirt is now clinging onto my romantic partner.
"This is amazing! I've been wanting to come here forever—how could I miss an opportunity like this?" Ai'Bow, one of my friends who once helped me with a singing competition, exclaims to Ai'Bloody-Fucking-Pond in excitement.
Next to Bow is Ai'Piing, who's just arrived with a bag of snacks. "How about stopping by Hua Hin tonight? I'm craving some seafood."
"If Bow hadn't come along today, my dad would've never let me go. It's like winning the lottery—and we're coming back the same day, too!" Even Chae-em, whose father is fiercely protective of her, is already pulling out her phone to snap selfies with Ai'Bow.
"Look, look, look! Ai'Tinn, just look at that! Woowww—it goes like this…and then swings like that, and you just grab onto it and go!"
I turn to see Ai'Khaen, who's all fired up about some brightly-colored ride off in the distance, making grand hand gestures and clearly ready to dive in. I still can't quite understand how Ai'Khaen ended up with someone like Ai'Tinn.
Even though they're dating, he still speaks to Ai'Khaen like this…
"Stop acting like a three-year-old," Ai'Tinn replies in a flat, unimpressed tone, looking as if he couldn't be more annoyed.
My friend doesn't care though. He just wraps his arm around his romantic partner's neck and drags him straight into the water park.
"I forgot to bring my camera!!!"
"Well, you could use a phone camera, Le. Oh, but they say the waterpark also has a service to take photos while you're on the rides."
I turn to the other side and sigh heavily. I forgot to mention—Ai'Khaen hasn't just brought his partner. He also brought his younger sister… and she brought her friends along as well.
So now, here I am watching Ai'Khaen, who drags Ai'Tinn in first, followed by Ai'Bow shrieking excitedly, with Ai'Piing trailing behind. A bit further out, P'Money is eyeing the guys, while the two young girls at the end of the group look visibly thrilled.
And I...just sigh.
Pat, pat.
"Come on, man. Share in the happiness, yeah? Plus, your life's one bloody interesting mess, Ai'Ae." I shoot a look at Ai'Pond, who pats my shoulder in a mockingly sympathetic way, though his face screams just how much he enjoys it.
And that makes me...
Thud!
"Arghhh, Ai'Ae's losing it!!" I kick him squarely in the ribs, my patience gone, while Ai'Pond yells out, bolting to catch up with the others. All I can do is curse loudly, only to realize someone is standing next to me… Ai'Pete.
"Having a lot of people around is fun, isn't it?" my partner says, though his smile is as forced as mine.
I sigh deeply.
"Remind me next time, Ai'Pete, not to tell a soul that I'm going anywhere with you."
He responds with a dry voice. "Alright. We'll make a point of it."
In the end, all I can do is trudge after everyone else into the waterpark, with my promise of a trip for just Ai'Pete and me… falling apart once again.
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