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Perspective - Khaen (Khaen-ta-lup)
I want a sexy body~
I want a Bugatti~
I want a Maserati~
I must work hard, you fool! I want a Lamborghini~
Sip martinis~
The song Work Bitch by Britney Spears blasts loudly from my mobile phone's headphones. Normally, I would be nodding my head along or trying to memorize the lyrics to annoy my friends, but this time I sit still, staring at the moving images on the screen.
On my phone... a video from a party... where over 80% of the guests are blond foreigners. Yet the camera is not zooming in on beautiful, scantily clad women dancing on poles but on a stunning woman in a tight outfit passionately kissing an Asian man. And for heaven's sake, that man is... Tinn.
However, what captures my attention is not the raunchy activity happening at the party, but rather what transpired before it... Tinn is on drugs.
The images on my phone narrate the story well. He is snorting a white powder, which I cannot discern whether it is heroin, ice, or some other vile drug, while with a woman beside him, downing drink after drink. The scene culminates in him kissing one woman while groping another.
Others may think I am listening to music, but in reality, I am watching my partner on drugs and with women.
"Why didn't you call when you arrived?"
Suddenly, a voice intrudes, causing me to look up and see Tinn sitting in the chair opposite me, appearing so rushed that I can see the sweat beading at his temples.
Today, I had arranged to meet him at a famous café in the university, where, at this time of day, most people are attending classes, leaving only a few tables occupied. This is good. I want to talk to him, conveniently.
"What are you looking at?" he asks me, making a move to snatch my phone to take a look, but I pull it closer to myself, narrowing my eyes at him in contemplation.
"You have no eyes and still squint; soon you will not be able to see," he remarks with a chuckle. If it were any other time, I would have shot back that he was being foolish, and indeed, his eyes are quite large. It is no wonder that foreign women might feel enchanted by an Asian young man with his demeanor, but that is not the main point.
"Ai'Tinn, may I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"Have you ever used drugs?"
Thud.
I dive straight into the topic without preamble, while his smile gradually fades, clearly stunned by my question.
He then asks me in a tense voice, "Why do you ask that?"
"Look," I say, extending my phone to him along with the headphones. He inserts one into his ear, gazing at me as if trying to say something, but he remains silent. He merely lowers his head and begins to replay the clip that I have already watched... multiple times. At first, Ai'Tinn looks puzzled, but after a while, his expression turns increasingly tense, his brow furrowing almost into a knot as his hand grips my phone so tightly that if I had not changed the case, it might have grown a new shape from this pressure.
"Where did you get this?" His voice is flat, yet filled with discontent.
"Your brother sent it to me."
"So you've been talking to him, then?" He whips his head around to glare at me, his eyes blazing with anger, which I can feel acutely.
This confuses me. Ai'Tinn ought to be making excuses, not getting angry, because it should be I who is upset that he has not thought to share this with me. I express this directly to him.
"Yeah, I spoke with your brother."
Weak.
"Then we have nothing to discuss." However, I am startled when he slams my phone down on the table with force, rising quickly. The tone in which he addresses me is so cold that I shiver. Then he makes to turn and leave the café, leaving me stunned, dazed, and utterly confused.
"Hey, don't you think you should make excuses!!!" I hastily get up, shouting for him to stop.
"There's no need for excuses."
"So that means you really did it!" I continue shouting, not caring that others are looking or that the staff seem ready to intervene and ask me to lower my voice.
I merely stare at his retreating back in confusion, and Ai'Tinn continues to speak without glancing at me even for a moment.
"You believe him, don't you? No matter what I say, it is the same... I should have known that I would lose to him anyway."
Crash.
I stand there, mouth agape, watching him walk out of the café, and at that moment, I think of nothing else except...
"You bloody fucking cur!!!" I curse under my breath, stuffing my phone into my pocket, and dash after him.
Fortunately, he is not running. In no time, I catch up to him to...
Grab.
Thud!!!
"Ouch!"
I pull Ai'Tinn to turn back to me, and I deliver a punch squarely to his chin, amidst the startled cries of women nearby. However, I do not allow the person I have struck a moment to recover, for I shout at him immediately.
"Will you stop being foolish, you bloody fucking cur!!! If I believed that jerk, why would I waste my breath asking you? Use that smart brain of yours for once! Do you think I would believe your brother over you? I have told you countless times that even if I die, I would still believe you. Even if I am foolish enough to be deceived by you, I would believe you, you hear me, you nit-wit!!!" I shake his shirt collar, shouting loudly at him, while Ai'Tinn appears clearly startled.
Since I have heard the answer from one who offers no excuse, I understand immediately that he thinks I believe his brother now.
I contacted your brother, but did I say even one word that I believe him!?!
"Hey, you two, is there a problem?"
"You talk to me! I am your romantic partner, am I not? Tell me what is what! You call me foolish, so do me the kindness of speaking plainly for once!" I ignore the fact that the security is rushing over to intervene, continuing to shout at him.
My two hands still grip his collar tightly, demanding answers to every question.
But when he falls silent, I call out to him again, urging him… "Ai'Tinn!!!"
Grab.
…to wrap his arms around me and hold me close, and this voice rises.
"I'm sorry; I'm sorry."
I am stunned, and I believe others are equally taken aback by how Ai'Tinn suddenly embraces me. He whispers to me, his voice trembling, saying... I'm sorry.
"I thought... I thought you believed him and hated me."
"Uh, is there a problem between you two?"
Grab.
I desire to turn and respond to the security guard, but Ai'Tinn clutches me even tighter, to the point where I feel an urge to strike his skull. I truly do not understand his emotions. Yet, I concede to embrace him in return, patting his back gently before turning to inform the guard.
"No, brother, it is nothing. Just a quarrel between romantic partners... Hey, Ai'Tinn."
I am utterly unprepared for my partner's mood. As I turn to reply to the guard, the poor man appears dazed, and suddenly the one embracing me grabs my hand, pulling it with such force that I must hastily follow him, leaving many eyes staring after us.
Have these people never witnessed a quarrel between romantic partners?
I ponder this, though I decide it best not to inquire. I merely follow Ai'Tinn until we reach a secluded spot, where he turns to face me. Please dear God, Ai'Tinn's expression resembles that of a forsaken dog, abandoned by its owner.
"I'm sorry; I'm sorry."
"Apologizing to me for what?" He falls silent, then informs me...
"I thought you believed that guy."
"Do you want me to knock your head off?" I glare at him.
From the beginning, I have tried to converse with him civilly, yet he is the one being foolish, claiming there is nothing to discuss, even though we have scarcely spoken for five minutes. Now, I cross my arms, gazing up at him reproachfully, while Ai'Tinn bears the look of one carrying the weight of the world when he says to me...
"No one who converses with him will ever return to believe me, and the fact that you obtained that video means you contacted him behind my back. This lead me to think you would believe what he said."
"Are you suggesting that everyone believes your brother more than you?"
"Yes." He concedes, and I exhale sharply into his face.
"Indeed, it is quite reasonable."
He gazes at me intently, though not in an accusatory manner. His stare resembles that of someone fearing the loss of me, rather than anything else, which prompts me to smile. I raise my hand to tousle his hair, knowing that had it been any other occasion, he would have surely scolded me in a manner both polite and sharply cutting, akin to a sting.
"It is precisely because you behave in such an obstinate manner. As for your elder brother, he smiles like a madman. Everyone prefers someone who smiles rather than a glum visage," I state earnestly.
I begin to understand why Tinn tells me he cannot do anything about his brother. Even I, having known his brother for a brief time, nearly wavered.
Tinn acts as if no one is permitted to approach him, while his brother Tul is akin to an ordinary man, accessible and easy to approach.
What psychology is at play, I do not know, but I am convinced that if one were to vote between these two men, those who knew them superficially would undoubtedly favor Tinn's brother. However, I am not an ordinary person. Once I place my trust in someone, no matter what is used to strike me, my conviction remains unchanged.
"But do not fret. When I say I believe you, I truly do... As for that clip, I did not throw it in your face and lament like a heroine from a drama after the news, accusing you of deceit. I merely ask if that is true or not," I express in a lengthy manner, wondering if he comprehends me.
He merely continues to gaze at me, and after a brief moment, he turns his face away.
"It's true,"
I furrow my brow. "Explain then."
"At that time..." he pauses slightly before continuing, "...after the incident was featured on the front page and I was sent back, I was under great stress, feeling as if I had been severed from my home, deprived of everything. Thus, I sought to retaliate, to live a debauched life as a response to the accusations against me. So, I truly tried... It was an escape. It made me forget. But no matter how much I retaliated, no one paid attention to me. Thus, I realized... I could either wallow in my own degradation or reclaim my standing..."
As he narrates this, I draw him into an embrace. Despite the oppressive heat, I sense he desires the warmth of an embrace. I also gently pat his back, as I might do to Ai'Gucci.
"You are tight-lipped. See? Relating that to me has brought this matter to a close," I say.
[[Translator's Note: หนักปาก (nak-bak) is literally heavy-lipped and is roughly equivalent to American English tight-lipped.]]
I can feel Tinn stiffen as if he were a statue, but soon he relaxes into me, embracing me tightly, and I feel his shoulders slump.
"I apologize," he utters once more, causing me to smile unintentionally.
"I think I must be the only person in the university—no, I think I am the only person in the world—who has heard Ai'Tinn repeatedly say the word 'sorry' like this. We hug like that for a while before he asks me...
"Why did you go talk to him?"
"He came to find me himself, you know. I did not want to talk with him, but he showed me a sample video clip. Just think about it: seeing your own partner hugging a woman and there's some white powder, like baby powder. Of course, I wanted to know more, so I spoke with him just to see the full video. He sent it to me, and I can tell you that your brother is truly a bloody fucking cur."
I continue, "What kind of brother takes his sibling's miserable situation and spreads it around? He is clearly a villain masquerading as a handsome prince."
"Is there such a thing? He loves his brother, but he shows everyone the bad things about him?" I finish, feeling irritated, yet Tinn hugs me even tighter.
"Between me and him... who do you trust?"
And of course, I answer confidently. "You."
This time, Ai'Tinn pulls away to look at me, his tense expression appearing more relaxed. His cold, fearsome eyes seem to tremble, and the look of someone suffering seems to have become a bit happier. Then he raises his hand to hold my cheek and leans his forehead against mine.
This position feels a bit shy.
"Don't stare at me like that. I might need to use the restroom," I mutter. Okay, I realize that the goosebumps all over my body combined with the heat of my face and the fluttering in my stomach must be signs of shyness, but why does he have to look at me with eyes that are unlike Ai'Tinn's?
It's like... Ai'Pete looking at Ai'Ae. Yes, like Ai'Pete looking at Ai'Ae. And he then even tells me...
"I love you."
"!!!"
I can only look at Ai'Tinn with wide eyes. Yes, yes, yes! His gaze reminds me of Ai'Pete because it is the kind of look that conveys... love.
Whoosh!
Suddenly, I squat down on the floor, covering my face with my hands as my heart beats in a rhythm of cha-cha-cha.
Can those three words truly make one's heart race?
I ask myself, feeling Ai'Tinn shifting to sit on his knees beside me.
"Don't leave me, Khaen." Although my face is completely flushed, I look up at him. I cannot help but feel that his gaze is similar to Ai'Gucci's when I took him in, as if to say, "Will you take care of me... like that?"
Grip! I am the one who pulls him in for a hug, suppressing my own shyness while smiling broadly as I say to him...
"I will not leave you. Do not worry. Even if the entire world says you are deceitful, I will be the one who believes your words unconditionally... Even though I am easily swayed, I remain steadfast, you know." I am aware that I ruin the atmosphere, speaking to add some flavor, but I keep going on and on.
He must be used to it by now, for he replies… "I love you. I truly love you."
I feel a ticklish sensation at his words of affection, forcing me to release him, standing up with an energetic posture. I brush off my trousers and extend my hand toward the one who looks up at me.
"Come on, Ai'Gucci 2, let us go. P'Khaen is hungry."
I wink at him, and he gets up, brushing off his trousers, yet he does not take my hand. Instead, he locks his arms around my neck.
"If I were Gucci, you would be sleeping with a dog."
"Yeah, yeah, a dog is a dog. Come to think of it, you really are like Ai'Gucci—both not listening to me, stubborn, and foolish. It is fine though; I am used to it." I chatter on as I begin to walk, with Ai'Khun-chai walking alongside me, his arms still locked around my neck.
Throughout the journey, I engage him in various topics because I do not want him to think too much. It is better for him to find something to scold me about than to make a face like the world is about to end.
After a while, he says again...
"Thank you."
"Yeah." I, the talkative one, give only a single word in reply. Yet, my mouth stretches wide enough to reach my ears.
I make a promise to myself that... the next time Ai'Tul sends me something, I shall retaliate and leave him speechless.
Perspective - Delee
Pete has a romantic partner now.
Whenever I contemplate this matter, I weep. My heart aches so intensely that I cannot articulate it.
My parents inquire as to why my eyes are red.
My friends ask why I am not as cheerful as I ought to be.
Upperclassmen question what has transpired to leave me in this state.
Everyone poses questions to me, yet Pete... does not even seem to care about my well-being.
What do I expect? What do I truly desire?
I question myself, and the answer is that I long for Pete to come to me, to tell me that what he said that day was merely a jest. However, his silence, leaving behind only a brief message on my phone saying "sorry," causes my heart to ache as it never has before.
For a long time, I have believed that we were more than friends. We were bonded. We knew everything about one another. Yet, it seems that I alone have harbored such thoughts.
In recent days, I have been unable to sleep. I can only think of Pete, until today when I can no longer endure.
I have come to find Pete at the university.
Alright, Delee, let us converse and reach an understanding so that we may let go. Although I tell myself this, I quickly realize that it is impossible.
I cannot part from Pete.
In truth, today I wish to see Pete's romantic partner. I want to know who this woman is, what she is like, what her character entails, and how she has become Pete's choice.
I exhale softly, turning off the engine as I disembark from the vehicle. I have gathered some information regarding the location of the International College, but to ensure accuracy...
"Excuse me, do you know where the International College is located?" I approach two students in demonstration attire as they pass by, and they turn to smile at me.
"Oh, the building is on the other side. You entered through the side gate, did you not? If you come through the front gate, the building is right at the corner," the girl with bangs informs me, while the other chimes in.
"Would you like to come with us? We are heading to the front of the university anyway. I shall point out where the building is." I nod immediately and express my gratitude as I follow the two students to the waiting area.
While riding the tram, I cast my gaze around.
If I had attended this school together with Pete, would things have been different?
I sigh, allowing my thoughts to drift, but the voices of the two girls conversing float into my ears.
"Can you not bear to show such a face?"
"Oh, come on, it's a broken heart, not a fall. Who can forget something so easily? I wish to be a good little sister, but every time I look at him, my heart flutters." I immediately lower my gaze to my toes, for I understand all too well what heartbreak feels like.
"I do not understand at all. What will your ramblings accomplish?" the girl with braids retorts.
"Le is a cold, cruel woman, with a terrible disposition. She refuses to comfort her friend." Hmph!
"If you do not comfort me, will you accompany me every evening? Here I am, wasting time reading and following after P'Khaen and P'Tinn, only to sit and console you every day, Chomphu. Let us speak plainly. I shall leave you to drown in your own tears!" I let out a small smile. If just one friend knew of my plight and offered me solace, it would be a relief, yet the friend to whom I confide everything is the very one who causes my tears.
"Hmph... Oh, the tram is coming! Excuse me, that one, please!" Just then, the white university tram rolls into view, and the girl waves and calls for us to board.
I follow them and take a seat behind the two students, allowing the cool breeze to brush against my face as I gather my courage.
Pete, I have come to apologize and to express my joy for you and your romantic partner. May I meet her so we may become acquainted?
I rehearse this line countless times, reminding myself resolutely that if Pete has made his choice, I must support him.
"Alas, I truly cannot believe that Ae would be like that. When I first saw his face, I thought he was a brute!"
"Do not speak ill of Ae! He is exceptionally handsome and exceedingly manly!"
"Indeed! A godlike figure, a true hero! So, how does it feel to meet a genuine god?"
Hmm... that name sounds familiar.
"Alas, why do they not just become men? Ae likes that type, yet he does not inform anyone!" I immediately lift my gaze. Surely, I cannot be mistaken.
Has she fallen for a gay man?
I cannot help but wear a puzzled expression. It is not disgust, but rather a realization that nowadays, men who love their own gender express themselves quite openly, to the extent that women like us are uncertain who is masculine and who is not. Yet, it is not a matter of concern.
Is this the moment when these gay fellows will make women fall for them only to break their hearts?
"Chomphu, how many times must I lecture you that some men are not gay? They merely have an affection for that one man alone!"
"Please, just admit you have read too many novels."
"Indeed, Chomphu, it is a matter of fact! True love knows no gender nowadays. Have you not heard that people can actually be bisexual? Society, rather, limits sexuality to only male or female. Therefore, the reason Ae is attracted to Pete may be because Pete is Pete, not merely because he is a man."
What? Pete? Ae?
Suddenly, I recall the dark-skinned man I encountered on Aunt Patchara's birthday.
No, surely not.
"Thus, he would wish to be Pete!"
"Just die and be reborn already!"
The two girls continue their debate, with the one sporting bangs pouting at her friend, while the one with braids seems annoyed by her companion. Yet for me... my heart beats rapidly, not with excitement but with fear... the fear of losing that which my heart cherishes.
"Um, excuse me, young ladies..." I muster the courage to call out to the two students ahead of me.
"Yes, older sister... we have not arrived yet. Once we do, we shall point it out for you."
"Um... No, it is not about the international building. Earlier, I heard you mention... um... Ae and Pete... Pete, the one who is studying in his first year of international, the handsome one, is it not?" I inquire in a whisper, prompting the two girls to exchange glances.
"Oh, it happens that I am a friend of Pete's. I am also a friend of Ae's. I came by to visit today." I attempt to convey this with a smile, hoping to elicit a wide grin from Chomphu.
"If it is the same Ae who plays football, it must be the same one! Are you a friend of Pete's? Then you must know that the two of them are... oof!!!" At that moment, Nong Le swiftly covers her friend's mouth, yet I clearly hear what she was about to say, forcing it back down with difficulty.
"Oh, you are aware then! Ae and Pete are in a relationship, are they not? I am a close friend of Pete's. He has confided this to me. I was quite surprised when I first learned about it... Oh, I have a picture of my friend as well. Is this him?" I take a chance and hastily grab my phone to display the image for both of them, which causes Nong Le to finally release her hold on her friend's mouth.
"That hurts, Le!"
"Well, it should hurt! How many times must I remind you to think before you speak? If he were unaware, it would mean you just exposed Pete and Ae's secret. Did we not promise not to share this with anyone? I apologize, older sister, I did not know you were aware." Nong Le offers an apologetic smile, while the other girl looks despondent.
"I am sorry. I just got carried away... But still, he knows Pete, does he not? Look, there is a picture of Pete!"
I no longer pay attention to what the two girls are saying, for the phone in my hand drops to my side. I have received a clear answer...
Pete is not dating a woman... but rather a man.
What on earth is this?
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