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Perspective - Khaen (Khaen-ta-lup)
"What's got you in a bad mood again, huh? Wooo... cheer up, we're going to watch a movie, man!"
"Sit properly and buckle up."
I really don't get Ai'Tinn's mood swings. He's the one who made plans with me, saying he was free today and only had a morning class. So, we were supposed to go watch a movie. Then of course, with a private cinema like this, you'd be an idiot not to go, especially when it's free. Why does he show up with a sour face and yell out my real name?
Oh, right—I'm the one who should be mad at him. He shouted out my real name, after all.
"Yeah, yeah, you don't have to tell me. I'm already buckling up," I say, pulling the seatbelt across.
Vroooom.
"Hey, what the hell kind of driving is this? Take it easy, man! Why are you speeding like that? Trying to give me a heart attack or something?" Whether it's "dad" or "pops," I'll curse him all the same. I have no idea what kind of shitty driving this is. It's a luxury car, and he's stomping the gas like he forgot we're in the university parking lot.
"And you—who gave you the right to shout my name like that? No one knows my name is Khaen-ta-lup," I snap back once I calm down, glaring at him with anger in my voice. Ai'Tinn glances over at me, his brows nearly knitting together into a bow.
"No one knows your real name?"
"Yeah! In the whole university, only you know. Oh, and Ai'Le."
"Hmm."
That's all he says to me, before he slows down. We're out of the university and he has been driving like he thought we were in a go-kart track. Now, his sulking cold aloof arrogant face relaxes, and he starts talking to me with a much better tone.
"It slipped out. I won't call you that when others are around next time."
"Don't call me that when it's just the two of us either! My name is Khaen, just Khaen. Not Khaen-ta-lup. Damn it... Ma really picked the sweetest summer-green name for me." I mutter the last part to myself.
If I mess with how Ma named me, I'll be bleeding for sure. She's so proud of how she came up with that name.
"Wanna listen to some music, Khaen-ta-lup?"
"Just Khaen, damn it!" He's messing with me now. Normally, he just has that coldly aloof face. Now though he's calling me by my full name.
"Want to listen to some music, just Khaen?"
Snap.
I gape at him, eyes wide. I glare at him. Since when did Ai'Tinn—that Ai'Tinn—start being such a pain? No, since when did he even develop a sense of humor?
Normally, he'd say something mean to me, like… "I'll call you whatever I want." or… "Who are you to think that you can order Tinn Metthanun around? Just letting someone like you sit in the car is a blessing already... isn't that right?"
"Why are you making that face?"
I just rub my face lightly. I haven't adjusted to the mood yet. Just now, he acted like he was angry enough at me for seven lifetimes, and suddenly he's teasing me. Plus, now he's asking in a tone that sounds like he's worried my face is out of shape. So I... scratch my head.
"No, no. It's fine if you're in a good mood... Uh, I'll listen to music then..."
Slap!
"Ouch! Why'd you hit me!" When I reached for the stereo, he hits my hand, so I have to complain a bit.
"Don't be naughty."
"Didn't you just ask me if I wanted to listen to music? Now I'm going to, so why'd you hit me?" I really don't get Ai'Tinn's mood.
"It was just a polite question..."
Huh?!?
"...I'd rather talk to you."
I know I've been scratching my head until it's almost raw, but I keep scratching anyway. What kind of crazy person is this? Asking if I want to listen to music out of politeness. So the only option is that he doesn't want to listen, and he'd rather talk to me, huh? Fine, I'll talk to him then. Someone like Ai'Khaen is already good at talking.
"Alright, we can talk. So, what kind of madness came over you to make you want to talk to me? Aren't you the one who always says, 'Loud, annoying, too many people'?" I deliberately mocked him in a high-pitched voice, fully prepared for him to come back with something sharp.
Instead... he laughs.
Laughing with me? Am I a comedian or something?
"By the way, when do we get there? I can watch as much as I want, right? What should I do? I want to watch a zombie movie, but I haven't seen the ghost movie that just came out either. I'm really stressed here! I made a list of movies I want to watch, but if I see them all today, I definitely won't make it home..."
"Then don't go home," he says casually.
"No way, I'm going home for dinner," I reject his offer immediately.
My mom said she'd make Guay Tiew Lhod today. That only happens twice a year, man!
"It's up to you. I even had someone prepare Italian food for you."
Whip!
Don't call me stingy. I'm just interested in hearing more, but he goes quiet, making me press him for details about what this so-called Italian meal is.
"Antipasto is a cold vegetable soup, followed by Primo, which is fresh pasta. I'm not sure what the chef will make for us yet. For Secondo, there's a choice between ribeye steak and salmon. The salad is a rocket salad with smoked salmon. Oh, and there's authentic Italian pizza, but the chef will ask later what toppings you want. I recommend parma ham with rocket. For Dolce, there's tiramisu and gelato. I'm not sure if you drink alcohol, but I have almost every kind of liquor for you to choose from."
"Five, don't think I'm stupid. What's that thing called? Antipasto? What the hell is that?" I blink, not understanding the first word he said. At least the menus are still in Thai, so I get fresh pasta, smoked salmon salad, and things like that. But just to be sure...
"Translate it into Thai for me one more time."
They say that stupid people are those who don't ask, so I'm not embarrassed to ask. This time, Ai'Tinn looks at me with a mix of annoyance and... maybe fondness? He doesn't scold me though. He starts explaining again, making me nod like a little octopus about the full-course Italian meal and Guay Tiew Lhod. Ugh, I really can't choose between these options...
"I'll eat it too!"
Mom, Guay Tiew Lhod can be found at the night market, but if I miss this meal, I don't know how many lifetimes I'll have to wait to try it again!
"Good... it's a bit like a date."
"Hmph."
I whip my head around to look at him again and find that Ai'Tinn is smiling satisfactorily. But just now, I heard the word "date" loud and clear, so I have to object with a raised voice.
"Who's dating you? I'm just here to watch a movie with you and have dinner with you. Where's the date in that?!"
This is just two guy friends hanging out together.
I'm very sure of that. However, I'm surprised again when the person next to me sighs almost right over my head, then turns on the music that was playing before. After that, he turns back to tell me again.
"Watching movies, listening to music, and dinner... no matter how stupid you are, everyone knows this is a date."
Watching movies, listening to music, dinner—what!
I almost open my mouth to argue, but I just look down and count my fingers, blinking several times, then look up at him wide-eyed.
"Yeah, it is a date. I'm actually on a date with you…" I can only admit it in a dry voice.
It only takes a moment to brush everything out of my head. So what? A date or not, it doesn't really matter as long as I get to eat that full course meal and watch as many movies as I want. So, a date is a date, huh? I don't see what's wrong with that (?)
~~~
"Ai'Tinn! Ai'Tinn!"
Thud!
"That's the kid of that jerk!"
At first, I am stunned and amazed by the size of the grandiose mansion that Ai'Tinn has brought me to. However while I am turning my head to look at the tall building and the flowing water of the fountain, I hear a sweet voice calling out. When I turn to look, I saw a small creature running joyfully out of the building and rushing to cling to Ai'Tinn's leg.
I shout... It's the kid I saw in the family photo of Ai'Tinn's brother! Plus, when I point at him, the little kid leans his head out to argue, but is holding onto Ai'Tinn's pants tightly with both hands.
"My name's Nong Phu, not that jerk's kid!"
"Still, you're that guy's son. I wonder if you have a bad attitude like your father."
I squat down to the child's level, ready to provoke him, looking at the chubby-cheeked kid who resembles a child star on TV. What kind of kid is this? Big eyes, thick eyebrows, a prominent nose, and fair skin. He's definitely good-looking for a kid, but sorry, Ai'Khaen doesn't love children.
His father hurt Ai'Tinn, and I'll blame the child too.
"Dad is a good person! Very good! Don't talk bad about him!" The three- or four-year-old kid argues back.
So, I argue right back. "Sure, I'll say it! He's really a bad person! Do you know he's worse than evil itself?"
I say it with anger, still wanting to confront his father for what he did to Ai'Tinn. My words though make the kid... pout. His eyes begin to water, and the two hands gripping Ai'Tinn's pants tighten.
"D-Don't say... about... Dad…" sniff sniff "...Aaaaaahhh!"
"Hey, you're crying now. Oh, how cute!" I feel a thrill seeing him cry. Before I can take my revenge by scolding the child for his father, Ai'Tinn bends down and picks up the child. He even looks at me and shakes his head.
"Hey, why are you looking at me like that? His father hurt you, you know. If you don't let me take it out on him, I can take it out on his kid."
"Ai'Tinn! Ai'Tinn!" The kid wails loudly, burying his face in Ai'Tinn's shoulder.
I want to scold Ai'Tinn for letting this happen, saying instead to the child, "Your father hurt Ai'Tinn so badly that he didn't return to Thailand for years! Don't you think your uncle would be crying too?"
Okay, I'm being unreasonable.
The way Ai'Tinn sighs and gently pats the child's back while telling me, "Phu didn't do anything wrong," is something else.
Bloop.
What's going on? The kid nods against his shoulder as Ai'Tinn turns to stop the nanny, who looks ready to rush in and take the Khun-chai away.
Then he turns back to me and says, "The one who hurt me wasn't Phupha, nor was it his mother... I'll get my revenge, but not on these two. They're more family to me than my parents or my older brother."
As Ai'Tinn says this, he is stroking the back of his nephew, who is still crying. I wonder if I am imagining it, but I feel like he truly loves his nephew.
Or maybe Ai'Tinn is a good person after all... I don't know. Let's just say…
"Fine, fine, I believe you. Oh, this is so annoying... Hey, kid, let's make up, okay?" I reach out to poke the small child's shoulder to get him to look at me. His face is a mess of tears, and I extend my hand.
Pinkie swear.
"Let's make up. I'm sorry."
I grit my teeth, forcing myself to apologize to a kid.
Sniff... "It's about Dad. It's about Phu's father. Phu is angry."
What's going on here? Can I roast this kid on a spit?
"Come on, let's make up. I'm apologizing, aren't I? You say you're a good kid. A good kid should accept an apology," I try to reason, while little Phu looks at Ai'Tinn for confirmation.
When Ai'Tinn nods, Phu pouts but reluctantly extends his chubby little finger toward me.
"Nong Phu is a good kid. My uncle is also good," he says, intertwining their fingers and shaking them. Looking around, I find the little guy quite adorable.
"Then why did Nong Phu come home early today? Where's P'Wadi?" Tinn asks "Mom goes to visit Grandma," the child replies, and Ai'Tinn turns to chat with his nephew.
The kid seems to understand what Ai'Tinn is asking because he answers in a bright voice that sounds... rather sad. "Grandpa isn't here. Grandma isn't here. Dad went to work to earn money for Nong Phu's education. School is closed today... so I am home alone."
I glance around Ai'Tinn's house. I see workers opening the door out front. I see the gardener trimming tree branches. I see the nanny waiting at the mansion's entrance... There are many people in the house, but I feel that it doesn't seem like a home.
When the kid says he stays home alone, it means the other workers are not seen as family to him. Meanwhile, his actual family doesn't care about this little one at all.
"How about we go watch a movie?"
Whoosh!
Nong Phu turns to look at me with wide eyes.
"Today, I'm going to watch a movie with Ai'Tinn. Do you want to join us? You'll get to stay with Uncle Tinn," I invite him, and the little kid immediately nods enthusiastically, shaking his uncle's arm. He seems to forget that I just made him cry.
"Watch!!! Watch it together! Nong Phu wants to watch too!" He tries to squirm out of Ai'Tinn's embrace, and I'm feeling kind enough to reach out my hand for him to grab. Out of pity or some emotion I can't quite pin down, I end up lifting him up.
"I promise that being with P'Khaen will be so much fun, you'll forget about your parents. Being with P'Khaen means this life is all about fun!" Since Ai'Tinn doesn't want me to lash out, I can stop being difficult.
"Ow! What are you grabbing on my head?" However, the push on my head from behind prompts me to confront Ai'Tinn, only to be met with a smile...so wide it tickles my heart.
"Who's really the child here?"
"It's definitely not me," I reply confidently, walking into the house while forgetting to be tense about the fact that this mansion must be worth who knows how many millions. Just as I step up the front stairs of the three-story house, I turn around and go back to Ai'Tinn, who is handing the car keys to a worker.
"Hey, where's your movie room? Lead the way. How am I supposed to know my way around your house?"
"Heh! You really... Hahaha!"
I'm speaking the truth here. Why is Ai'Tinn laughing so loud that the workers turn to look at him? I assure you, I'm not a stand-up comedian. I'm just genuinely funny to be around.
Perspective - Tinn Metthanun
I have never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with him.
I tend to have a pessimistic outlook on life. So, sometimes I secretly wonder if Khaen is putting on an act to gain my trust. Whenever I think of that though, I end up laughing. Is someone like Khaen really the type to play tricks on me? He has no hidden agenda. He simply expresses whatever he thinks.
He doesn't know how good it makes me feel when he lashes out at my nephew.
I don't hate Phupha. I don't think I ever have. I've felt sorry for him since P'Wadi had to end up with a depraved man like my brother. That pity extended to Phupha, my nephew, who has no knowledge of what his father has done. However, this is one of the rare times I feel a bit of satisfaction seeing Phupha cry.
Maybe I do hate him too. But I've never shown it because I don't want to see myself as unreasonable, even though, in truth, I resent the entire world. Khaen is the one who expresses what I can't.
How many people would dare hurt a three-year-old in front of the whole house just to get revenge for me? It's a childish act that others might see as ridiculous, but I feel something growing in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
This time, it isn't the kind of suffocating feeling like drowning, but more the strain of holding back from doing something more than just leading him into the house.
In just five minutes, Ai'Khaen makes me realize that I do hate my nephew. Yet I still can't bear to see Phupha cry. I guess I both love and hate him, though that hatred fades the moment Khaen lashes out in my place. Thus I laugh, laughing loudly with someone who doesn't care about my house or ask how much it's worth. All he wants is one thing… the private movie theater.
In just a short time, he makes me feel more than some people make me feel in a lifetime.
~~~
"Ai'Tinn, can I get more of this drink?"
I snap out of my thoughts and turn to look at him, sitting in the velvet chair next to me, holding a tall glass that was full just minutes ago. Now, Khaen is playfully sucking on the orange slice used for garnish, his eyes still glued to the giant screen in front of him.
The movie room in my house is spacious enough to comfortably accommodate twenty people. At the front, there is a large screen, and the seats in front are deep blue velvet chairs that allow you to stretch your legs fully. The back features leather chairs. Around the room, there are hidden lighting systems that can be adjusted to any level of brightness. Of course, all the decorations are imported, made from high-quality materials, ensuring that no sound escapes outside, no matter how loud it gets.
The room is designed for the residents of the house to relax, but I may be the only one who has used it... a few times.
I come in to think quietly, but Khaen is using it as a movie room by watching intently without blinking. As for Phupha... he ran away the moment the first zombie appeared.
"I'll order it," I say, getting up to take the glass from him, but he calls out to me first.
"Wait, wait! What kind of drink is this? It's definitely not orange juice. It's mixed with too many things, but it tastes good. Tell them not to bring me fancy glasses. I just want a big glass like a pitcher. I don't need anything pretty; just bring something big," he says, making me laugh.
Anyone else would probably compliment the room, feeling shy about me serving him, but he drinks it down like he's at a street vendor. I don't mind, though, and walk over to the phone in the corner of the room.
"What did you send down earlier?" I listen to the ingredients of the drink and nod.
Actually, I ordered just one thing. His fruit juice mixed with syrup can easily be turned into a cocktail. However, as I look at the person who's enjoying the movie...
"Bring down some more, please, and make it a pitcher. Also, send some snacks, two or three items."
Moreover, I don't need alcohol as a helper; just being myself is enough. I stand by the door waiting, my eyes fixed on him as he grips his hands tightly as if he's on the edge of his seat, cheering for the zombies to devour the woman's head and screaming with delight, which makes me smile.
When I'm with him, I feel a sense of comfort.
Don't overthink it.
Don't be on guard.
Don't be paranoid.
Khaen-ta-lup shows what he thinks without holding back.
I don't know how long I let myself look at him, illuminated by the light from the screen. All I know is that I snap back to reality when I hear a knock at the door, and I have to go open it.
"Bring it here; I'll take it in myself," I tell the worker as I return the cup and take the large silver tray. I don't want anyone to disturb the time I have with Khaen. Then I walk over and place the tray on the seat next to the person who's anxiously waiting for the hero to escape the zombies.
"Hey, what's this? Looks so good!"
"Try it." It's the first time since the movie started that Khaen takes his eyes off the screen to look at me. So...
Grab.
"What? You said I could eat it!" As he reaches for the bruschetta, I grab his hand first, making him look up at me, confused.
"If you want to eat, you have to pay first."
"What?!" I roll my eyes a bit while grabbing the remote to pause the movie before moving closer to him.
"If you want to eat, you have to pay." I repeat.
"Pay? Pay for what?" He still doesn't understand, so I smirk as I move closer until one of my knees rests next to Khaen. He starts to fidget a bit, and I use one hand to grip his shoulder while the other lifts to touch his lips, signaling what I want.
"Another kiss?" Khaen asks me softly, but he glances at the snacks on the tray and the special drink, and then he... closes his eyes tight.
The way he looks is adorable, and I wonder if I'll have to bribe him with food for the rest of his life.
I think this while shaking my head as I lean closer to his face, looking at his pale skin that has nothing special about it but makes my heart race. Then I begin to gently touch his lips.
I like kissing Khaen. He's not good at kissing. Not at all. On the contrary, he doesn't know how to kiss, but that's what makes me feel that every time I touch him, I am comforted by someone who might be the most intrinsically naive person I've ever met.
I gently press my lips against his, adjusting his head for the right angle, sucking on his lower lip until he flinches. However, he doesn't open his mouth and seems to clench it tighter, so I stroke his chin gently as if asking to get in, but still... he won't budge.
"Open your mouth," I whisper softly, sensing that he's breathing deeper, but he shakes his head defiantly.
"Open it, Khaen."
"No." He starts to argue and opens his eyes to look at me, which makes me realize I'm smiling mischievously.
"Open your mouth!" I say in a commanding tone, and of course...
He argues back. "You're going to kiss, then just kiss! I'm going to keep my mouth closed like this. If you're really bold, just kiss already... Mmm!!!"
As he argues, I quickly seize his lips right away, even sliding my tongue into his mouth, making his eyes widen. He thumps my back a few times, but I don't let go, pulling him even closer. I know if I'm rough, Khaen is ready and able to kick me away, but if I act with decorum and skill...
Mmm... Mmm... Mmm... Aah...
Thud... Thud... Thud... Thud...
Khaen becomes lost in the moment.
I secretly smile to myself when the force of his punches on my back weaken, leaving only soft pats as if in protest. Finally, he opens his mouth for me, or maybe he's simply forgotten that he could bite my tongue. That's the delightful moment when I get to experience exactly what I desire.
Now I use both hands to grip Khaen's neck tightly while using the tip of my tongue to intertwine with the tongue of the clueless person, tasting the sweet aroma of cranberry juice and the delicious sweetness of Khaen-ta-lup. Each time I thrust my tongue toward him, he jumps, but then he sends his tongue toward mine, curious, making me... want to teach him more.
Thud.
He doesn't even realize when I push him down to lie back on the long sofa. My face tilts to the right angle as I slide my tongue in and out multiple times, and Khaen starts to lose awareness that he follows my movements each time I pull back. His hands tightly clutch my shirt collar, and his breath grows deeper and longer as if he is about to hold his breath.
"Mmm... Mmm..." I just hear his soft moans.
He moans quietly in his throat as the sound of our tongues exchanging echoes throughout the movie room that already reflects the sound.
"Is it delicious?" I pull away slightly, looking at the person with half-closed eyes, asking in a hoarse voice after kissing him for nearly ten minutes, and instead of saying anything to me, he…
Naively honest, he still responds to my question. "Hmm, that's delicious."
So how can I stop? I teach him what's more delicious than his snacks.
From then on, the only sounds in the theater are the kisses between us, while in the background... zombies are running around killing people on the screen.
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