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Perspective - Khaen (Khaen-ta-lup)
"I can't believe my son has such a handsome friend."
"Thank you."
I'm so annoyed!
I can only think this while watching the uninvited guest chatting with my mom. Okay, I know my mom is obsessed with Korean dramas—she knows Kim Hyun Joong's bio, Lee Min Ho's birthday, Jang Geun Suk's height, and Kim Soo Hyun's first role. However, sorry, Ai'Tinn isn't the lead in any drama. Mom, can you please stop looking so thrilled as if you've just met a celebrity?
"I feel the same way as you, Ma. At first, I couldn't believe he would actually be friends with a crazy guy like you, P'Khaen." My sister says.
"Heh heh."
Not only is my sister not on my side, but Ai'Tinn has the nerve to turn around and smirk at me. My mouth, itching to say something after five minutes of silence, nearly bursts out with a retort, but my sister's glaring eyes stop me.
Ugh, I'm so irritated!
Whimpering sounds
"What is it? Still hurting?" Even the dog isn't on my side. Can you believe it? Right now, that lousy Gucci…
My dog rests their head on Ai'Tinn's lap and even uses their front paw to nudge him, as if they have completely forgotten who rescued them from the temple just last year!
Arghhh! I want to flip this table!
I'm holding it in, my hands itching to flip the table, but if I actually did it, the two ladies here would definitely gang up on me. If you're wondering how I ended up sitting at the same dinner table as my sworn enemy, I'll have to go back to when Ai'Tinn showed up like a knight in shining armor and managed to catch that damn Gucci for me.
At first, I was about to open my mouth to shout, "Why the hell are you butting in? My dog, I can catch it myself" (Let's just forget for a second that I actually yelled for help). My dear little sister suddenly appeared out of nowhere, thanking him profusely.
When Ai'Tinn was about to leave, that lousy dog, somehow knowing he was headed to the vet, stubbornly refused to be dragged along. He threw itself to the ground, flat-out refusing to go. I couldn't handle him alone, and don't even get me started on Le—my sister is way too small.
Who would have guessed that this voice would ring out?
"I'll help."
Oh my God, the world must be ending. That repulsive guy, Tinn, actually offered to help!
Before I could reject him (I'm happy to accept others' kindness, but as for yours, I'd rather kick it away), my sister betrayed me.
"Yes, P'Tinn, please help. Thank you so much."
"Le, I can handle this on my own."
"Oh, really? You can't even handle one dog, and you still dare say you've got this?"
Before I can respond, Ai'Tinn has already grabbed Gucci's collar and started dragging him back. It would've made me look like a jerk to just stand there watching—it is my dog after all—so I grabbed the collar too, helping to drag that damned dog to our usual vet.
You'd think that would be the end, right? Nope. After we got Gucci to the vet, my mom appeared before Ai'Tinn could get lost. Then, my sweet little sister ran to tell her everything that had happened.
Our family is known for being kind (although I have no clue why Mom decided to be kind in this case). She turned to Ai'Tinn and…
"Are you Khaen's friend or his son? Thank you so much. Have you eaten lunch yet? Either way, let's go together. I want to thank you."
My mom has this habit, inherited from her ancestors, of asking if you've eaten as soon as she sees you. I have no idea why. Instead of refusing with the proper etiquette expected of high society, that bloody Tinn simply says, "Thank you very much."
Damn it! He came along! I nearly stood up and shouted, "I'm not letting you go! Just head back to the hole you crawled out from! The thought of having to eat at the same table as you makes me lose my appetite. Aren't you supposed to be polite? Can't you see they're inviting you out of courtesy? Refuse, for heaven's sake, instead of jumping at the chance for a free meal!"
Before I could finish my rant though –I know I talk too much– both my mom and sister must have been fed up because they dug their nails into my arms and pinched me. On top of that, my sister was spinning and twisting my flesh as if it would come off.
While I was rubbing my sore arms, those two women in my life turned to smile sweetly at that fucking jerk Tinn.
"Don't mind Khaen; he talks nonsense like this."
"Yes, please, P'Tinn, go with us."
And his response? He ends up sitting there awkwardly in our modest restaurant.
The place we chose is a fairly large som tam restaurant. It features a wooden sala extending over the canal, with an open design that lets the breeze from the Thawi Watthana Canal flow through continuously. In front of the restaurant, several women in the kitchen are pounding and mixing ingredients, creating a pock pock sound almost nonstop. Since the restaurant isn't strict about not allowing pets, we had intended to come here after taking Gucci to the vet.
Otherwise, do you think Nong Le would be willing to waste time she could be reading or playing on the computer to come see the vet with us?
"Then, are you studying in the same faculty as Khaen?"
"No, I'm in IC."
"Oh wow! Then how did you meet P'Khaen? It's hard to imagine that my brother, Khaen, would know anyone from IC!"
I've become the dog-mouth of the group. Neither my mom nor Nong Lemon pays me any attention. Instead, they are all focused on Ai'Tinn, who's not only acting decent today but also flashing smiles at my mom and my sister.
Don't fall for it, mom! This fucking shit-lizard is the worst!
"I got introduced through a mutual friend."
"P'Pete?" Nong Lemon asks, sounding strangely excited.
"Yes, the person I was with that day. Pete knows Khaen's friend, so I met Khaen through them." Says the shit-lizard.
They're fucking romantic partners, not just friends! He should just tell my mom and sister the truth—that he's trying to butt in as a third wheel between Ai'Ae and Ai'Pete! Bloody fucking cur! Then, on top of it all, he… damn it, he kissed me because of some twisted thrill!
I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable. I don't want to be here at all. I mean, think about it. The last time we met, he pulled that crazy stunt on me. Now he's acting like nothing happened and pretending we're friends. He's putting on such a show, and I don't even know why he's trying so hard to impress my mom and sister. I finally can't hold it in and snark at him.
"Yeah, I wonder that too, Ma. He's a kid from IC, someone so high-class that even his last name is famous, yet here he is, sitting down to eat humble som tam. Doesn't he worry about getting sick from food like this? The som tam here is only 40 baht a plate! My family can't afford to feed you those thousand-baht meals you usually eat!"
Bang!!!
Thunk.
"Sorry that all I have is 40-baht som tam, but I guarantee it won't make you sick, dear."
I instantly fall silent as the auntie, who owns the restaurant, comes over to serve us herself. No, she's not mad. She's not mad at all. She sets the plate of som tam down with enough force that the dressing splashes out. Then she gives me the sweetest smile, and I actually flinch a little.
"Ha-ha, I didn't say your place isn't clean, Auntie. It's really delicious! See, see!" I used my fork to jab a big bite of som tam and shoved it into my mouth, just before…
"Cough, cough, cough"
So spicy!
"I'm glad you like it, dear. Eat a lot, okay? I even added a whole bunch of extra chilies for you!"
Auntie has already walked away, but I am struggling, pounding my own back, gulping down an entire glass of water. Instead of showing sympathy, both my mom and Nong Lemon just shake their heads, exasperated. But that isn't the worst…
"Do lt."
Snap.
I whipped my head around to glare at him, eyes bulging in anger. However, the tears welling up from all the coughing must make me less intimidating, because he starts laughing and reaches out to pat my back, as if we are good friends.
Smack!
"Don't touch me! Cough, cough. We're not friends! And I don't think of you as one either!" I snap at him, still choking.
I'm an idiot. I can't read what the hell he is thinking, but he lowers his hand.
"Khaen, what's gotten into you?"
"Hey you, go back to wherever the hell you came from!" I ignore my mom's words and kept chasing him away. That seems to push my mom's patience to its breaking point.
"Khaen-ta-lup!"
Freeze.
It isn't just me who freezes. Ai'Tinn, who is about to stand up, freezes too. We both turn in unison to look at the person who calls out that ridiculously cute name. And do you understand? The tense atmosphere between me and him practically disappears because of my nickname... Khaen-ta-lup.
"Khaen... Khaen-ta-lup?" He laughs so hard his shoulders shake, while I'm shaking... but from embarrassment.
Aaahhh! Out of all the names in the world, why does Mom have to give me such a cute one?!!
"Mom!!" Don't call me a whiner, but at this moment, all I can get out is a pitiful Mom!, and if I could shoot my mom a withering glare, I would have. But I guarantee Nong Lemon would call me childish for sure.
"Don't call for me! I never taught you to be this rude, Khaen-ta-lup."
Ugh! Stop repeating that name, Mom. Please!
I feel even more embarrassed. Understand this, my adversary is sitting less than a meter away. Yet my mom keeps emphasizing my full nickname. It makes me not want to look at that fucking shit-lizard Tinn at all. Not because of anything else, but if he dares laugh at me, I'll lose it and punch him so hard he'll see stars. In the end, how would it go? I'll definitely get a scolding from Mom.
"Khaen... is that from Khaen-ta-lup?"
"Yeah! So what? Got a problem with my name?" I don't want to turn to face him, but after hearing his question, I snap at him, glaring fiercely, ready to keep going and make him shut up unless...
Smack!
"Shush, shush, shush! Mmm!"
Salty!!
Nong Lemon slaps her hand over my mouth, suffocating me, making my eyes bulge as I try to pry her hand off. Who would believe she has the strength to pin down her older brother, a football player, and then smile sweetly at the one who asks the question?
"Yes, my name Khaen comes from Khaen-ta-lup, and Ley's name comes from Lemon…"
Fizzle!
"Damn it! Why'd you cover my mouth?!!!"
Smack!
"Ow! Why'd you hit my mouth?!"
"Be quiet!" I jump when my sister slaps my mouth hard. But before I can protest, living up to my reputation for being talkative, she turns to glare at me, her voice stern like she's ordering some fool.
"Because he's laughing at me…"
"I told you to be quiet." This time, my sister speaks coldly. Her eyes are narrowed to be not much bigger than mine, but right now, I just feel scared, so I can only...
Hmph! I rest my chin on my hand and turn my face away. I'm not scared of that fucking shit-lizard Tinn! Not even a little!
"Don't take it to heart, Tinn. These two siblings love each other a lot, so they play a little rough."
Not just a little, Mom! If your daughter could throw a punch at me, she would. Damn! If it weren't for the fact that I'm a gentleman who doesn't hit girls, I'd probably hit her back.
I can only grumble in my mind because Mom is starting to tell the story again, a tale that began eighteen years ago.
"As for the name Khaen, I got it from when I was pregnant. I ate cantaloupe (kæntālūp) like it was going out of style and craved it all the time while pregnant. Even close to giving birth, I made your dad go find cantaloupe for me. Then, you know, dear, when I finally gave birth, I called him Khaen-ta-lup. Can you imagine his face..."
Yeah, yeah. My mom takes great pride in her naming skills. She really loves to brag. Who does she get that from? (?)
"What happened next?" That fucking shit-lizard Tinn even continues the conversation.
"He smiles so sweetly that I smile with pride too. I calls him Khaen-ta-lup, Khaen-ta-lup, until he is about eight or nine years old, when his friends tease him, so we just call him Khaen. However, I say Khaen-ta-lup is much cuter. As for Le, I originally wanted to name her Melon, but when I was pregnant... such a shame..." My mother puts her hand to her cheek and shakes her head like a high-society lady in a drama who just sees someone snatch the diamond she wants.
"Other people get cravings for pickled foods when they are pregnant. For me, it was freshly squeezed lime juice, whole lemons! At first, I wanted to name her Nam-Now, but it doesn't sound right with her brother's name. Calling her Lime is too short, so it becomes Lemon."
"Yes, yes, this bloody fucking cur surely wants to know the story behind your kids' names," I interrupt, hoping we can move on before this conversation never ends unless...
"But I think it is interesting."
Whip.
"Huh!" I turn to look at the uninvited guest in disbelief and see him smiling... not in a mocking way, but in a big smile like I have never seen before.
Excuse me though, I am not the heroine of some romance novel. No matter how you look at it, that saintly smile annoys the hell out of me.
"Or is it not true? Not every mother would go through so much trouble to name her kids like that."
I hesitate a bit, not knowing why his words feel strange. However, since I hate him so much, to the point of extreme hatred, I let out a tsk and reply irritably.
"Since he is so curious, why doesn't you tell the story behind fucking Gucci's name too, Ma?" I sneer, fully expecting my mother's response.
"Oh, Gucci has a story too."
Wow, she really starts telling it.
"Oh, about that friend of yours, right?" My sister chimes in, prompting my mother to nod enthusiastically.
The table is full of food, but no one cares about eating anymore—except me. I shove a big bite of sticky rice into my mouth, wearing a face like I am chewing on poison.
"Yes, yes, Khaen found Gucci at the temple near our house. It seems the mother wouldn't take care of the other puppies, and they all died. So Khaen brought him home, and I gave him the responsibility. I let him name it. The story goes back to when my friend... oh, it still makes me mad just thinking about it. She brought her brand-new Gucci bag over to my house, saying she is just visiting, but her arm is like this!"
Whoosh.
My mother raises her right hand and flicks it in the air as if she is wearing a luxurious handbag on her wrist. She stretches her lips out, and I can easily picture my mother's friend showing off her possessions almost to the point of them slapping each other in the face.
"This is why I got jealous. At that moment, Khaen carries Gucci over, so I say that I just got a Gucci too.
"Heh heh," Ai'Tinn laughs.
He must have already guessed where my dog got his name.
"At that time, Gucci had half his body covered in mange, P'Tinn. I held his face toward her friend, and I still remember how shocked she was. She practically fled the scene. So, Gucci is still named Gucci to this day."
"Moreover, the names that Khaen suggested left me confused." My Ma continues, "What? Tony... Molly..."
"Tony Kroos, dolt!" I argue.
"That's right. And Paul Poggi."
"Pogba, dolt!" I again correct.
"Yeah, I remember. What? Ross Broccoli."
"Fuck! Ross Barkley, not Broccoli." I grit out.
All my favorite football players are now a complete mess in this conversation.
If I could cover my face and cry, I would have done it already. This is no comedy club. Each of them acts like they come from a comedy troupe. Geez, they turn my cool dog names into something ridiculous!
Heh heh, ha ha ha! It seems my family's street jokes amuse the prince in his ivory tower. Tinn laughs so hard that his shoulders shake. Using one hand to cover his mouth on the table, he turns his face away but, believe me, his cold eyes genuinely sparkle with laughter, with tears streaming down his cheeks. Of course, I have never seen anything like it before.
Clap clap.
"Heh, you're lucky, you know? Everyone makes such a big deal out of you, even giving you a name with such a long story behind it." Tinn turns to give Gucci a light pat on the head, then crouches to playfully talk to him. Afterward, he smiles at my mom, my younger sibling, and me.
"This family is quite charming."
Poof.
Who would think I'd be enchanted by that flashy smile from someone so contrary? Not at all. On the contrary, I feel annoyed. Annoyed by that ridiculous smile he flashes at everyone. I can't stand to look at it any longer.
"Ma, I'm heading home. I'll catch the bus back myself." I stand up, tell Ma, and then walk out of the som tam shop.
I am not smart. I know that I'm gullible, so I don't like complicated people like Ai'Tinn Metthanun. In fact, I hate him. I don't understand what he's thinking, his expression, or his tone. I have no idea whether he's just acting to deceive us for some hidden motive.
Because I'm too lazy to think deeply about it, I don't plan to get any closer to someone as complex as him.
If this time he's trying to use me as a bridge to get to Ae and Ai'Pete and ruin them, I'll be the one to run away instead of punching him in the face.
Even though I'm gullible, I stand firm. Don't you dare underestimate Khaen-ta-lup!
##
Perspective - Tinn Metthanun
Lately, I don't quite understand myself.
I've always learned to set goals and then move forward to achieve them. However, the new goal I intended to bring closer has been derailed by the determined way the loud Thai Commoner protects his friends—someone not worth remembering at all.
Recently, I've been thinking about that almond-eyed football player quite often though.
I don't view him as someone who brings me peace like Pete, nor have I developed any fondness for him. Yet, every time I close my eyes, his words that insulted me and his relentless attempts to protect his friends come back to me. Even though I'm certain I'll never trust anyone again, that I'll never let myself be called a fool for a second time, there's this annoying little voice in my head that keeps asking why I don't try to test it one more time.
I had planned to show them that sincerity doesn't exist in humans. There is only self-interest. There's only selfishness. There's no such thing as true love in this world, or at least, it should be that way. Somehow though, my thoughts have drifted from what they used to be.
I keep thinking about him—the one who gets so angry his face turns red, fists clenched, and hands trembling. The one who has punched me twice without caring about my last name. If I wanted to press charges, in a society where money rules, I could have him expelled from the university. Yet, every time I think of him, I see the fire in his eyes—his anger, his hatred, and his stubborn determination to protect his friends without caring about what happens to himself.
Suddenly, I want to test it again. I want to know if there's really someone out there who can be trusted.
No, that's not it. I just want to know whether everything he's shown is genuine or merely an act.
I've been contemplating this for days, but I didn't expect that when I dropped by the university to run some errands, I'd hear that familiar voice.
"Ai'Gucci, come back here!"
I just turn around and see a big dog running toward me, so I grab hold of his collar. I haven't trusted people in years, but I know that animals are friends I can rely on.
A dog won't bite its owner, but a mother can kill her own child without hesitation.
However, I didn't expect the owner of the dog I was holding to be the same person I'd been thinking about for days. Perhaps driven by the thought of getting closer to him, when his mother invited me in, I agreed without hesitation. The reason was simple—I wanted to see what kind of family raised a child to trust in others like this.
At first, I thought I'd have to pretend to be a little kinder to make it easier to approach him. After just a few minutes of conversation, my initial plan to feign kindness began to crumble. Little by little, I let my guard down, trying to convince myself it was because of the big dog resting its chin on my lap. It wasn't because of the middle-aged woman's laughter and smile or the familiar way the two siblings acted with one another.
Even though I kept telling myself that, I found myself laughing… laughing genuinely—not because I was forced to by the situation.
I can't even remember how long it's been since I last laughed like this.
I could feel the warmth under my hand from Gucci, who was right next to me. I felt at ease listening to their stories, without any attempt to hide that Gucci's name came from the fact that his mother couldn't afford to carry a real designer bag. I liked the suspicious, distrustful look in "Khaen-ta-lup's" eyes as he watched me.
I laughed for real, felt genuinely at ease, and...smiled at him.
"This is a nice family."
Those were just a few words, but they came from my heart. The result, however, was that Khaen stood up and immediately left the shop. The dog at my feet barked and was about to run after him if I hadn't held onto its collar tightly.
I can tell he is upset with me. That much is clear. What I don't understand is why. I hand the dog's collar to his sister and then tell his mother, "I'll take my leave now." There is no need to be polite to a woman who has no potential benefit to me in the future, yet I speak to her with respect, give a small smile to the younger girl, and then quickly follow Khaen outside.
He is likely furious, as he is walking so fast he's already exited the small parking lot and is heading down the canal path toward the main road, clearly intending to hail a bus like he said he would. I hurriedly jump into my car and drive off quickly.
Prrrrrrrnnnnn
I honk at him as I drive alongside where he is walking, lowering the side window until he glances over at me with a scowl in his eyes.
"Get in. I'll give you a ride."
"No need! I'm afraid a beggar like me will scratch your Khun-chai car. I can't afford to pay for it!" I remember saying that to his face once, but I didn't expect him to throw it back at me.
"I won't mind today."
"Well, I mind! Scum like me doesn't dare step foot in a car like that!"
I can't understand why he is so angry. Then again, thinking back to the last time we met, I did speak harshly to him.
"Are you mad about the kiss last time?"
Stop.
Whip.
"Fuck no!" He doesn't just turn to look at me—now he is flipping me off, walking even faster, ignoring the fact that a better option like a Porsche is right beside him.
I pause for a moment, stunned by his insult, and call out again.
"Khaen." He speeds up, so I call louder.
"Khaen-ta-loupe!!!"
"Who told you to say my name, you bloody fucking cur!!!" Now he stops walking, spins around, and glares at me furiously.
I park the car, pull the handbrake, and quickly get out because, at this point, he isn't running from me anymore. He probably wants to punch me in the face instead.
"I truly ask, what the hell are you doing being nice to my family? Let me tell you that my family is poor. We cannot associate with people with the last name, what is it? Metthanun? So, go back the way you came. More importantly, do not use me to get involved with Ai'Ae or Ai'Pete...."
There it is. I think someone like him cannot escape for long. Just standing in front of him makes him start throwing words at me immediately, with an expression that shows he is fed up. However, he probably does not realize that when he rambles, his thoughts often come out without reflection.
Wait a minute. Since when do I know Khaen is someone who speaks directly from the heart?
"...Hey!!! Are you listening to me? Are you messing with me, huh?" I set aside this thought and lock eyes with the person in front of me.
"I am listening and not messing with you," I reply plainly, making him run his hand through his hair, making it messy.
"Then what do you want from me? Huh? Tell me, why are you getting involved with me? Are you using me as a stepping stone to get to Ai'Pete or what!" He keeps messing with his hair as he says that, making me pause for a moment.
"Well, what do you have to say?!"
"What if I say no…"
He stops his hand and looks up at me. "What do you mean?"
"If I say I did not plan to destroy your friend?"
"So what? Do you think I will believe that you are acting like my friend, speaking nicely to my mother and my younger sibling because you feel guilty and want to be good or be friends with me, huh?"
"If I say yes..." I say this because I want to see his reaction, which makes his eyes widen as he looks up at me before shaking his head and firmly saying,
"I don't believe you." He states.
Then he continues. "Is someone with a nasty personality like you capable of self-reflection? Since I have met you, you have never appeared good in my eyes. Every word you say is an insult to me. Everything you do makes it seem like I am just bugs that do not exist in your sight. I do not believe that a pathetic person like you has no plans to do anything.... For me, you are just someone that no one wants to befriend!!!"
Khaen-ta-lup speaks all at once without a pause while I stand still, my hands clenched against my body. Although I have experienced disappointment once in my life, no one has ever dared to insult me like this before. Who is he? Just a poor student whom I lowered myself to follow, and yet he repays me like this.
"Um... I... I apologize... I spoke too harshly."
I do not know how my face looks, but Khaen-ta-lup seems flustered and tries to apologize in a stammering voice.
"I... um..."
"Yes, I have no true friends. No one in my family cares. My mother is the second wife of my father, who was married to her, because her status is more suitable than his first wife's was. My name was not given with intention by my parents, but because my mother wanted me to be connected with my half-brother, who is the first heir..."
"Hey, Tinn, you... you are..." Khaen-ta-lup looks pale, his voice trembling.
His previous confident demeanor is now filled with confusion as I continue, "...Therefore, I do not trust anyone, but I think I want to try trusting you."
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