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Perspective - Pete (Pitchaya)
I really agreed to date Ae the other day. Honestly, even now, I still can't quite believe it's real. The day Ae asked me out, and he also, uh... touched me, he even told me to rely on him more. I was completely unprepared.
Even though I secretly liked him and secretly loved him, having Ae return my feelings makes my heart swell to the point of bursting. Even Mom has noticed that something is up.
"Pete, you seem... different, honey."
That's all she says, but it is enough to make my face burn with embarrassment, and I can't meet anyone's eyes. The more I think about what happened between Ae and me in the locker room, the more I avoid Mom's gaze. I know that by acting like this I am just making myself look more suspicious, but I just can't look her in the eye.
Now that we're dating, for some reason, I feel even more nervous about calling him. Even sending him a short message feels impossibly hard, like I don't know what to say. Back when we were just friends, I never overthought things like this, and Ae isn't someone who likes to type out long messages either. So lately, we've just been communicating through Line stickers in the mornings and before bed.
But it... feels so good that I end up smiling all day long.
As for Tinn, it's not like I've forgotten about him. That day, I might've been too out of it to think clearly, but once I got home, I remembered that I had left him behind. There was also the way Ae spoke to him. Even though I want to call and apologize, I just... can't bring myself to do it.
Maybe he already knows?
Then yesterday, Tinn sent me a short message asking to meet at the university in the afternoon. I practically sighed in relief. I don't know what he's thinking, but the fact that he's still willing to reach out to me is a huge weight off my shoulders.
No matter what, I still see Tinn as a friend, even if he might never see me that way.
Today, even though our meeting isn't until the afternoon, I use the excuse to come to the university early. I don't forget to tell Ae first. Therefore, as soon as I park my car, Ae is already sitting on his bicycle, both feet resting on the ground. Just seeing Ae... for some reason, my face immediately flushes.
This is the first day we've seen each other since we agreed to start dating.
What should I do now? I... can't even look him in the face.
"Hey," Ae greets me as soon as I step up next to him, but my eyes stay fixed on his bike, and I jump slightly, quickly mumbling a reply.
"Ah, hello."
I'm acting so unnatural.
I can only tell myself this inside, but anyone who hears my voice will know just how nervous I am. That makes Ae turn to look at me, but I really can't bring myself to look him in the eye, even though I can feel him watching.
"You... don't blush."
Great.
As soon as he points it out, I feel my face burning up like it is on fire. I try telling myself that I'm not a girl, so why am I getting shy like a schoolgirl in love? The more he mentions it, the less I can meet his eyes. It doesn't feel like just my face is hot either—I am burning up all over. I finally understand what it means to not know what to do with your hands. Even lifting my hand to fix my hair feels impossible.
Grab.
"Ack!"
This time, I jump completely when Ae suddenly reaches out and grabs my hand. His hand is rougher than mine, maybe even bigger, and it makes me try to lift my head to meet his eyes—only to find that Ae is looking elsewhere.
Ae isn't blushing. He keeps his usual straight face, but the words that come out of his mouth let me know I'm not the only one feeling like this.
"You're making me blush too."
Yeah, Ae isn't blushing, but I noticed his ears were slightly red. He is trying to look stern, but his hand is intertwined with my fingertips, and then he speaks softly.
"I just realized how excited I am to pick up... my partner."
Ae pauses briefly before saying the word partner, and hearing Ae say it makes a newbie like me, who's just gotten into a relationship, completely speechless. I can only bite my lip hard.
What should I do? I can't look him in the face anymore. The more I know he is as nervous as I am, the more I can't speak. I just stare at my feet and unconsciously tighten my grip on his hand.
"I'm... excited... so excited I might die," I say softly, prompting him to turn and look at me.
Ae stares at me for a moment before glancing down at my shirt. I follow his gaze, and then he speaks quietly, but it makes me feel like I am going to die from the excitement.
"Can I... touch your left chest?"
"Wha- what do you mean by…? I...?"
My eyes widen, but Ae has never asked before touching me, he's never asked me for anything. He's held my hand, my shoulder, even my head, and I haven't minded because I know he doesn't have any bad intentions. This time though, when he asks for permission, I wish he'd just go ahead without asking because how can I even respond?
"I'm not trying to be inappropriate. I just want to know how fast your heart is beating," Ae says firmly, and I can tell he isn't trying to be inappropriate.
Doesn't he realize though that asking only makes me more embarrassed?
Thump thump thump.
Instead of answering, I nod vigorously and turn completely away, holding my breath as Ae's other hand approaches. As soon as his fingertips barely touch my shirt, I flinch, and he pauses his hand.
"No, let's go, or we'll be late." Ae changes the subject so quickly I almost can't keep up.
Secretly though, I am a bit relieved as I move to sit on the back of his bike, as usual. However, what isn't usual is how he shifts his hand to hold mine, intertwining our left hands and resting them on his waist.
"Uh, Ae…"
"I can ride with one hand." Before I can warn him, he interrupts me as he pedals.
Just as he said, even with one hand on the handlebar, the bike doesn't veer off course at all. Then, out of nowhere, Ae speaks again, catching me off guard and making me so embarrassed I want to disappear on the spot.
"Just now... if I touched you any more, I am afraid I wouldn't be able to stop myself... like that day."
His words make me freeze, unable to even rest my head on the back of his neck like I usually do. My face is burning so much it could fry an egg, and my heart is racing to the point where I can barely breathe. The small fear that I might be overly concerned about everything gradually eases, thanks to Ae's actions. It makes me want to believe...
That he is thinking about us being together just as much as I am... maybe.
"What's up with you guys? You look like you just snuck off to lose your virginity."
When we arrive at the cafeteria, I flinch, unable to respond when Pond suddenly teases us. I immediately look down at my plate of rice, my hand freezing midair with my spoon, feeling nervous like I've been caught red-handed.
All I can hear is Ae's response to his friend. "Mind your own business!"
"Oh, come on, how can I mind my own business? Think about it—normally, you guys walk so close your shoulders almost touch, but today you're walking a mile apart. When you say anything, Pete just nods along. Then look at this—Pete usually eats noodles, but today he's got rice, and you, Ae, are eating noodles. You guys obviously switched dishes!"
Sometimes, I'm honestly afraid of Pond's instincts. How should I put it? He jokes around about everything, but he seems to know everything too.
Actually, Ae and I weren't walking that far apart. We have been walking side by side, but we were both looking in different directions, not talking as much as usual.
Then, when Ae bought the food, he asked me: "Aren't you tired of it? I always get you noodles. I never ask if you want rice."
"Oh, I'm fine with anything." I say.
"Well, then you eat the rice, and I'll have the noodles."
And that's how we ended up switching bowls, nothing more.
"Can you not butt into my life for once?" Ae asks.
"Whoa, shorty, I'm not butting into your life at all. I'm butting into Pete's business, right, Pete?" Pond continues.
Whack!
I can only give a weak smile as Ae slaps Pond hard on the back of his head, causing him to yell out in pain and glare at Ae in annoyance, his voice thick with irritation.
"You're really shy, Ae. I might just tell Ai'Pete that you've been staring at your phone for days... Aaaargh!"
My eyes widen as Pond reveals everything despite claiming he is only teasing. Before Pond can say more, Ae grabs a spoonful of food from Pond's plate and shoves it into his mouth, nearly making him choke. Ae, on the other hand, continues eating his noodles as if nothing has happened.
"Eat. It's nothing," Ae says calmly, looking up at me, prompting me to quickly nod, my cheeks heating up for reasons I can't quite explain.
Pond, still coughing hard, quickly jumps to sit next to me, as if fearing another smack from Ae.
"Cough, cough! Oh, man, that went straight to my throat! Ae's trying to kill me... Tell me the truth, Pete. What's going on between you two?" Pond coughs and gasps before leaning in to ask.
I am at a loss for words, stunned into silence, which makes Pond narrow his eyes and continue pressing me.
"Come on, just spill it! You're acting so suspicious, don't try to hide anything from me—Pond, the gossip king! I've been your personal love advisor for ages. If you don't tell me first, I'll be offended!"
"You? A love advisor? Please! Just worry about saving yourself. Now eat!"
"Not until I get the truth!" Pond flashes a mischievous grin, stubbornly arguing with Ae, who looks increasingly annoyed.
I am about to say something—maybe deny it all—when Ae suddenly cuts in.
"You really want to know, huh?!" Ae snaps, glaring at Pond before grabbing his hand off my shoulder.
"The person whose shoulder you're touching," Ae leans in close to both of us, staring Pond down before whispering darkly, "is my partner!"
I widen my eyes in shock, not expecting him to say it so clearly. I know we were dating, but I also knew that two guys being together often means keeping it a secret forever. Yet here is Ae, declaring it firmly to his friend, even threatening him with a glare, which only makes Pond burst into laughter. Meanwhile, I... I turn my attention back to my basil chicken stir-fry.
"Well, look at you, your face is totally red!"
"You bloody fucking cur, I am not blushing!" Ae curses Pond.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. It's hard to tell with your dark face anyway! Hahaha!" Pond laughs loudly, prompting Ae to react.
Thud!
"Ow! You kicked me!!"
I can feel the impact as Ae's kick lands squarely on Pond's shin, the force reverberating through me as I sit next to them. Pond screams in pain loud enough to be heard across the cafeteria, while Ae merely smiles coldly.
"Are you going to keep running your mouth?"
"N-no, I'm done! Fine, I'm leaving! Oh, right, I forgot—I have to pick up Em at the campus gate. I'll just borrow your bike, okay?" Pond scrambles to his feet, rubbing his shin, though his plate is still half-full.
Before he leaves, he leans back over the table, a teasing grin on his face.
"Shyness is for amateurs, my friends."
"Bloody fucking cur!"
Ae nearly throws his bowl at Pond, but he has already dashed off, leaving behind only the remnants of his unfinished meal. I stay quiet, unsure of what to say. Once it is just the two of us again, Ae glances at me before returning to his breakfast, muttering softly.
"Sorry for being such an amateur."
Suddenly, I find myself smiling, not entirely sure why. Maybe it is because of Ae's odd behavior today. It makes me happy, though, knowing that I'm not the only one excited and thrilled about our relationship.
The realization that Ae has a reaction to the term "in a relationship" gives me the courage to speak up.
"Not at all. Ae is not inexperienced. it's just that I might be more inexperienced since I can't even look you in the eyes..." Then I take a bite of rice, aware that he is watching, and a deep voice arises that makes my face flush (again).
"Do you know... you are too cute." Ae tells me.
In the end, I truly wonder if I will die from my heart working too hard after this.
Perspective - Ae (Inthach)
I feel a bit irritated with myself. No, it might not be irritation. It just feels strange looking at Pete's face because I often gaze past it at his lips and cheeks, and just thinking of him as my partner makes me want to pull him into a hug.
Actually, another reason I hesitate to look at him too much might be that I read tips on how to take care of a partner online.
…
Okay, I know it's kind of pathetic to rely on information from social media, but I have never had a partner before. I can't just ask anyone, especially Pond. If I were to ask him, believe me, he would tease me about it until his kid is old enough to be ordained.
As I read just a little though, I close the tab. I feel that these methods don't really suit me.
Sweet talk?... It would be better to kill me first than to make me sit there being sweet with Pete.
In the end, I tell myself to forget it because anyway, Pete is not a girl.
If I were to use the methods from there, it probably wouldn't be good. It's better for me to be myself as I always am.
Yet, I still feel a bit strange when I'm with Pete. However, those feelings dissipate from my heart the moment Pete tells me he is going to meet someone this afternoon.
"If you're going to meet your friend, Tinn, I'll go with you."
I'm no longer jealous of Khun-chai because Pete has clearly stated what is what. It's just that on the day Pete went back first, Khaen ran over to report to me what this friend had said.
"He said you guys are disgusting. I hit him already. That guy is such a fucking shit-lizard. That's why no one wants to date him, saying you and Phii are disgusting. I should have hit him one or two more times!"
Khaen reports this to me like a three-year-old child complaining to his mother, whining for half an hour while I maintain a serious face. I don't mind if Tinn curses me, but I know that if that Khun-chai speaks like that to my Khun-chai, a person like Pete will be heartbroken to death.
So, I will go this afternoon.
Now, after finishing the morning class, I go out with Pete directly to a nice restaurant that I can say Thai students would never enter unless there's a special occasion, but the international students... are everywhere.
Just as we enter, that Tinn guy is sitting sipping coffee at the innermost table, a face I can't quite place my dislike for.
"Um, Ae, you don't have to come with me," but before we go to him, the person beside me pulls my shirt and speaks to me with hesitation.
Pete probably fears that I will face his friend who previously insulted him. I care more about him though, so I shake my head and pull his arm straight toward that table.
"I won't leave you alone," I say calmly as Tinn looks up at me.
He has a moment of surprise before his gaze stops at my hand, which is holding Pete's wrist. "‘Hee."
I frown immediately upon hearing his laughter, but before I can say anything, he continues.
"Sit down so we can discuss business. I've wasted my time coming to the university for no reason for two days now."
"Ah, I'm sorry, Tinn," Pete quickly responds with hesitation and sits across from me, forcing me to sit down as well.
For now, I have to set aside my dislike for him because I know I want to find out what that Trump did. Then, Tinn pulls out two or three sheets of paper from an envelope, and I discover that they are not documents but photographs printed in A4 size, laid out on the table, revealing pictures of the person I despise deeply... Trump.
"Before saying what he did, will you tell me what he did to you?" Tinn asks.
Pete falls silent. I know he doesn't want to talk about this, and I also dislike how Tinn is acting like he is pressuring Pete to speak. Before I can say anything though, the person beside me speaks softly.
"He threatened me... I won't say what it's about, but he has threatened to take my money several times."
I thought Tinn would be unhappy to learn just this, but he nods before leaning back casually.
"This guy is in debt for gambling on football."
I stiffen.
I frown but immediately understand why Trump came to threaten Pete for money. Even though I don't gamble, I know enough that these kinds of people are aggressive when it comes to debt collection. If he didn't have money to pay them back, Trump would probably get beaten up badly. Still, it's not right to threaten others for money.
That son of a bitch!
I curse inwardly as Pete, now pale-faced, asks further.
"How much?"
"At first, it was tens of thousands, but recently, it's several hundred thousand. Plus, he doesn't play at just any table. He plays with influential people." Tinn says with a smirk at the corner of his mouth, but I can't help thinking that he hasn't finished speaking, which he continues casually.
"Also, now he's started using drugs."
"Really?" Pete repeats in disbelief.
Even I want to curse out loud. It is already dangerous enough for Pete with that guy. Now he's using drugs too? Does he still intend to mess with Pete?
From borrowing money to pay off debts, next it's drug addiction. How much money will ever be enough for him!?!
Tinn continues sharing. "Well, that's the case. Also, this... should belong to you."
I am left speechless when the person opposite me opens a square box placed on the table, revealing... a watch. Although I hadn't paid close attention before, this is... definitely Pete's watch.
"Where did you find it, Tinn?" Pete's eyes widen as he reaches out to hold it delicately, asking the callous Khun-chai in a trembling voice.
"The person following up on the matter said he used it to pay off a debt instead of cash, and on the back of the case, there are engravings of the letter P and the number 1. I figured it must belong to you, so I redeemed it for you. Plus, they still didn't intend to let it go because they knew it was stolen."
I can only sit there stunned. I never thought of myself as inferior to anyone or compared myself to anyone else, but right now, I feel useless compared to the person in front of me.
Even though Tinn has a foul mouth, he could find out what Trump did and retrieve Pete's beloved item without knowing how much money it cost.
Meanwhile, I... can't do anything at all.
I clench my fists tightly. Suddenly, I want to be someone better, to protect Pete more, to be someone he can rely on even more.
"‘Tinn, how much did you spend? I'll pay you back.'"
In this instant, I finally understand the difference in our social standings because no matter how much I want to repay Pete, I lack the means to redeem this item for him.
I am not sure if I am expressing too much on my face, as Tinn turns to look at me with a smile that makes me want to punch him.
He then states casually, "The money isn't much. Let's just say you owe me a debt."
"No, let me pay you back, Tinn." Pete insists.
"I would prefer you to owe me a favor though."
I can only pause as Pete also appears dumbfounded.
I admit that I do not understand this guy at all. As Pond once said, I am straightforward, and encountering someone as complex as Tinn leaves me completely puzzled. He looks at both me and Pete with eyes that seem to hide something inside, and I do not know what he truly wants.
"Tinn... what do you want me to do in return?" My Khun-chai beside me asks uncertainty, causing the listener to fall silent for a moment before Tinn smirks.
"How about... you break up with your Thai friend?"
Fwoosh!
"What do you mean!?!" At his words, I stand up abruptly and grab Tinn's collar in a fit of rage, while he questions me nonchalantly, seemingly unafraid.
I am furious.
"Are you deaf or something?" He smirks mockingly, and I begin to feel that I am getting a bit too hot-headed lately.
Bloody fucking cur! I really want to punch him right now.
Perspective - Tinn Metthanun
I believe that human relationships are fragile, easily broken. A small external force can shatter them. Even siblings can kill each other. Even children can kill their parents. That is why I don't trust anyone. So, seeing the relationship between Pete and Ae, this Thai commoner... I want to try playing a little game.
…
I well remember the incident a few days ago when the Thai commoner shouted in my face not to meddle with his person.
However, what can this loser possibly do to me?
I learned long ago that money is everything. With money comes power. With money, one can seek any kind of relationship. The person who taught me this is none other than the someone who was closest to me, the someone I once trusted the most.
"I will never stop being concerned about Ai'Pete!"
"Is that because of money?" I ask.
He is so angry with me that he is nearly ready to punch me, but he is held back by Pete gripping his hand tightly.
"Hey, don't! Tinn is just joking!" I want to laugh at Pete's optimistic outlook, but then again, it might be one of the few traits that endears him to me more than others.
First, Pete is not someone who would latch onto me, because although his status on his mother’s side cannot compare to mine at all, his status on his father’s side is not something that can be easily looked down upon. And second, he may be one of the few people who have shown leniency toward my terrible disposition and have not gone on to gossip behind my back.
"You are as much of a fucking shit-lizard as Ai'Khaen says."
I freeze immediately. The fun of provoking this loser vanishes instantly, replaced by the image of the football player who once punched me.
I pull the loser's hand away from my neck, brush off my shirt, and say calmly, "Although I am a bloody fucking cur, at least I have the capability to return something to P'Pete in a way that you will never be able to."
I know that I am exacerbating his feelings. It is evident that he feels guilty for not being able to do anything for Pete, and that irritates me. Can people really express such a clear desire to protect another person? To me, everyone around me seems to want to take advantage of me. Therefore, I think he is merely acting to gain Pete's trust.
I do not like people like this. Both he and his football friends act as if protecting others is the most important thing.
"YOU!"
BAM!
After that, I ignore the Thai commoner, glance at my watch, and tell Pete, who is holding onto his friend's arm tightly, "I will go back first. I have already wasted a lot of time."
I then say calmly, causing Pete to look confused, "It would be nice if you think about the future when you decide to date someone."
…
I already know what their relationship is. I admit that part of me feels disgusted, while another part is intrigued. It's hard enough for people of different statuses to be together. With two guys, I can't help but wonder how long their relationship can last?
I'll just wait to see when the true nature of this football player will reveal itself, because right now, I have no faith in love, friendship, or any of that sentimental stuff.
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