Content Warning: This work is intended for mature (NC17) audiences. If you are younger, please kindly leave this site.
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Perspective - Ae (Inthach)
Why do I have to touch myself? No, why do I feel aroused just by touching Ai'Pete?
Since this morning, I keep asking myself the same question repeatedly. Why does simply touching him, just seeing his body, make me feel aroused? Not just once either. When I woke up and touched his chest, I felt aroused again.
Yes, I touched his chest.
That soft little nub, a light brown so faint it's almost pink, leaves more than just the sensation at my fingertips. It leaves the image of it standing out against his pale skin.
"What the hell are you thinking so much for!" I curse softly to myself, ruffling my hair in frustration as the image flashes in my mind again.
"Ai'Ae."
Stop thinking about it already. Don't you feel guilty toward Ai'Pete, thinking about him like this?
"…Ae…"
He trusts you, and here you are, thinking about him naked!
"Ai'Ae!"
Stop, stop thinking.
Bang!!!
"Ai'Ae, damn it!!!" Pond shouts louder.
"Bloody damn cur! Are you calling for your father or what!!!!"
Oh, for God's sake, can't I think in peace for a moment!
I slap the table with a loud bang, turning sharply to glare at my close friend, who is sprawled out on the bed. The notebook, however, is on the small Japanese table, facing directly at me. My irritated demeanor seems to momentarily startle him, but, being Ai'Pond, his surprise never lasts long.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, why take your frustration out on your friend... What's wrong with you? I've been calling you for ages, and all you do is sit there silently. What, thinking about Ai'Khun-chai or something?"
I am not trying to give myself away, but I can't respond. He guesses everything correctly, and it seems my reaction only prompts this meddler to spring up immediately, his expression eager for answers. He gestures for me to look down at the screen showing images of several pairs of football boots.
"It's nothing."
"Oh, sure, sure, sure! That face doesn't look like someone with ‘nothing.' You're worried about him, aren't you? Call him, then."
"Don't be dim-witted. His phone got taken away. How would I have his number?"
"But I'm smart enough to know that you just admitted you're worried about him."
I cast an irritated glance at him, seeing my mixed-race friend arching his eyebrows smugly. If he applied his cleverness to studying, he wouldn't be stuck in the same class year after year. In the end though, I sigh. Since I already told Ai'Pond what happened, it's no surprise he knows I'm worried.
"And if it were you, wouldn't you be worried?"
"Of course I would! That's why I've been telling you to call and check on him. But, oh, just now I remembered—you don't have his new number."
Don't say you just remembered. I was the one who told you.
Even though I think that, I'm too lazy to argue. At least he's upset on my behalf when he finds out Ai'Pete is in trouble, to the point he suggested rounding up friends to gang up on that vile scoundrel Trump. Still, like me, he realizes... there's no way to know where he is.
"Ai'Pond…"
"What's up, bestie?" I choose to ignore his chirpy response and instead voice what's been troubling me. Even though Ai'Pond acts like a fool most of the time, I know he's had experience for a long while now.
"Do you think it's strange… that I suddenly feel... aroused?"
Whoosh.
"You've got to be kidding!!!" I feel an urge to kick him when he suddenly scoots to the wall, looking at me with mock fear in his eyes. He covers his mouth with one hand and clutches his chest with the other.
"Oh my God! The Lord has bestowed sexual desire upon my friend! Thank you, Lord. Ai'Ae is normal now!!!!... But hey, don't even think of trying anything with me. A shorty like you? Not my type…"
Thud!!!
Honestly, I had already grabbed a nearby slipper the moment he exclaimed, "Oh my God." I hurl it against the wall the second he insinuates I might try something with him. Him? Over my dead body. Even in ten lifetimes, I wouldn't lower my standards enough to think of him like that. If it were Ai'Pete, though, that's another story—
Eck.
I remain silent, even though I should be scolding my friend further. Suddenly, the image of Ai'Pete flashes into my mind again.
"What's up? Not going to stomp me? I'm all geared up with armor, you know."
Could Pond be any more dim-witted?
I glance at my best friend, who has wrapped himself in a blanket, wielding a bolster like a sword and a pillow like a shield. The sight makes me feel that if I stoop to playing along with him, my mental age might regress by about ten years.
"Bloody damn cur. Stop messing around. I'm being serious!" I say evenly.
Pond laughs before jumping down to sit properly on the floor, clicking his mouse rapidly while babbling.
"Alright, alright, I'll be serious too. Look, I'm worried about you, okay? I thought the only time you'd feel aroused was when you're playing football. At our age, it's not weird to feel something like that. Eighteen, man, not eighty. Seeing boobs or butts on a girl can light a spark, you know? I get turned on multiple times a day."
"That's why I call you depraved." I roll my eyes, doubting that consulting him will get me anywhere.
But if I call Ai'Sun… If Ai'Sun knows, the whole world knows. Better not take that risk.
"Gok! I don't mind! I know I'm depraved. But why are you feeling aroused?"
"I... why should I tell you?"
"No reason. I'm just curious. You disappeared with Ai'Pete for one night, so I was wondering if you're feeling something for Ai'Khun-chai... that's all."
Pond shrugs at me with a smug grin, enough to make me want to get up and stomp him. All I manage to say is...
"I'm... not." I feel my answer lacks confidence since I know myself well enough to admit that it's because I touched Ai'Pete that I felt this way, but that's not something this vile scoundrel needs to know.
"No, just no, my friend Ae, but friend Pond has something special to show... here it is, my collection! Guaranteed to hit hard in the bloody wallet!"
That vile scoundrel of a friend not only says this but also turns his screen, where he's been browsing something for several minutes, toward me. And then, I see... a woman in a high school uniform.
"This one is seriously hot, man. She's a new lead actress in the industry, but her performance is absolutely insane. Even with my experience in AV, this still gets me in the mood. I'll let you watch this for free and even throw in some headphones. Watch it, then go release some tension. I guarantee you'll feel great." Pond has a dreamy look on his face, making me shake my head.
"I'm not you."
Aside from not caring that I said no because I was too lazy to go release myself in the dormitory bathroom, it also pressed play and handed its device right in front of me. I sighed and accepted the headphones it offered with an eager demeanor.
The image on the screen was of a young actress smiling innocently on a futon before she began to take off her clothes little by little, without taking off her school uniform, just pulling it apart to reveal a light pink lace bra, as the camera moved closer before pulling it off when the male actor reached out to caress the plumpness in front of her.
"Umm... ahh..."
Then, the petite but plump body of the young girl lays down on the futon, with another pair of hands caressing her nonstop, and then pulling the bra up over her chest, revealing breasts with a pink nipple.
Even though it was just the beginning, what I see is not an image of a young actress. Suddenly, the image of Pete overlaps the image in front of me... a white body wearing only a bathrobe, lying in front of me, until I can see a flat chest, a smooth white belly, and even though it doesn't have a bulging chest that was worth massaging like that, I can clearly remember that the center of the chest was... beautiful.
Oh my gosh!!!!
Eck!
"I'm going for a run."
"Hey!!!" I ignored Pond's voice that shouted something like, "Go to the bathroom, don't run." I pulled my earphones off, put on Pond's slippers, and quickly walked down to the dorm door.
Right now, I am aroused, but not by the image on the screen.
"Why am I thinking of you again?" I mumble to myself.
I run toward the football field. At almost 9 PM, hardly anyone walks around here, so the entire street holds only me as I try to take deep breaths, running to let the cool wind hit my face, attempting to suppress the intense heat in my pants.
Thud.
What the hell is wrong with you!?!
I scratch my head roughly, stopping mid-run to stand aimlessly in the middle of the path. I do not understand—why am I so aroused by Ai'Pete?
"Like him? ...No, I just want to take care of him." I mutter to myself.
Right. Then why do I feel the need to take care of him?
I hate my thoughts that still revolve around it. Not to mention the image that I can't shake off, trying to tell myself that it's because I've never been close to anyone like this, never held anyone, never touched anyone's breasts. The more I think though, instead of stopping, I can't stop the thought that... I wonder what the taste would be like.
"God damn it," I can only squat on my heels.
Now, I start to fear my own thoughts. I don't want Ai'Pete to know what I'm thinking. I don't want him to think that I am taking the closeness that happened and thinking like this.
I should be happy that someone calls to interrupt my thoughts, but the number I still have saved as 'Ai'Khun-chai' appears on the screen, and I feel blood rush to my face.
The phone isn't with him, so it must be…
"Ai'shit! Where the hell are you!!!!"
"Umm...I...I'm at home, Ae..."
Double-take.
It's not the voice of the person who stole it. This hesitant, polite tone is definitely Ai'Pete's voice. I furrow my brows sharply. He must be scared as hell from my earlier harsh tone.
"Why are you still using the same number? Did they return it to you?"
"No, Ae. I called the center to cancel the old number and then ran to get a new SIM, but it's the same old number. This one's easier to contact other people," he says in his soft voice, which makes me calm down a bit.
I thought if it were his ex, I'd probably almost jump through the phone and smash it. You're thinking stupidly, Ai'Ae. Why the hell would that demon-kin call you?
I can only shake my head and sit down on the edge of the sidewalk. Good thing I haven't changed clothes, so my phone was still in my pocket.
"How are you doing?" No matter what, I just can't help but worry about him.
"I…I'm… Okay..."
I think he's still scared, but he's too considerate to tell me. It makes me smile. Sometimes, his politeness makes me like him in an indescribable way.
I like him just the way he is.
"Are you scared?" I ask.
"Well...a little, Ae. But I'm really fine. After I split with you, I went back to change clothes. My family had questions, then I went to take care of the phone and SIM. Sorry, Ae, for just now calling to tell you."
Even though I should be happy that he called to update me, why do I want to talk to him more than this?
"So, how's your wound? Tell me the truth, Ai'Pete." I cut him off.
I hear him laugh dryly, and then he tells me directly.
"Well, it's bruised all over. Every time I move, it hurts in the spots where I got punched. It's turned from red to green now. I think it'll turn purple soon," he says.
I can't help but worry about him, even though this kind of wound won't kill anyone.
"Did you put some ointment on it?"
"Yeah, I did... So, Ae... uh... what are you doing?" He asks me in return, making me look down at myself and laugh helplessly.
Right, what am I doing? I'm out here running because I've been thinking about him.
"I'm out for a run."
"Right now?"
"Yeah, if I push myself hard enough, I'll fall asleep easily." I tell him honestly.
When I exert myself, I always fall asleep without thinking about the crap that Ai'Pond tries to force into my head.
"Does it help, Ae?"
"Try it and see. But actually, it's not for right before bed. Maybe before six o'clock. If you exercise all day, by bedtime, you'll sleep without even dreaming." I usually don't have trouble sleeping because I've exerted myself all day, and by the end of the day, I just fall into deep sleep.
It seems like Ai'Pete is interested in what I'm saying because I keep talking to him as I walk along the road, letting the cool breeze hit my face. Even when I get back to the dorm, I keep talking to him. I don't even know why I have so much I want to hear from him.
I learn about his family—his mom's job, how he's been in international schools since he was young, and how now he lives with just his mom and a couple of workers. Meanwhile, he knows I went to a temple school until middle school, when I was sent to study in the city. He knows what my family does and that I'll be going home tomorrow morning.
I stand talking to him, still not having gone back to my room. Before I realize it, it's already very late. I hear him talking to a woman, who I assume is his mom, until I tell him that I'm going to hang up.
"Good night, Ae."
"Yeah, sweet dreams," I reply to him as I put my phone, now with the red battery indicator, into my pocket and walk into my room.
I ignore my bloody friend who's still asking where I went. I grab my toiletries and head into the bathroom. Even though I should be hurrying to shower and get to bed, in the end... I end up pleasuring myself once more, with both Pete's face and his voice still stuck in my head.
"I... I'm sorry... mmm... Ah... Ai'Pete..."
Splurt...
Perspective - Pete (Pitchaya)
I know full well that I should be stressed about what happened, but just by looking at my palm, which has the ten digits neatly arranged, I smile... I smile without even realizing that my lips have curled up. I don't even dare wash my hands yet, fearing that the heavy pen marks might fade.
I smile so much that even my mom notices. Auntie Jeab notices. Even the workers at home comment, teasing me about what I've been doing. They wonder how I can smile after losing my phone.
In fact, there have been nights when I almost told my mom what happened, but seeing how tired she is from working, yet still asking how I'm doing, makes me go silent. All I can do is hug her, smile, and tell her that everything's fine. I probably forgot where I left it. I don't even hope to get it back anymore.
Yeah, I don't hope to get my watch back. By now, it's probably being sold somewhere at a shop. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to let this slide.
I need to find out what Khun Trump did. I don't want to fall victim to him when he's desperate for money again. Then I know who might be able to help me... but the question is whether he's willing to help.
That person is... Tinn.
~~~
On Monday, I have afternoon classes because the professor cancels the morning ones. By late morning, I arrive at the university, call Ae to let him know not to pick me up since I know he has class, and then I walk around looking for my friend, who everyone says is coldly-aloof, until I find him near the faculty cafeteria. He is holding a French document.
"Hello, Tinn," I greet him first, making him look up at me.
He seems a little confused but nods.
"Can I sit here?" I ask.
"Sure," Tinn nods toward the chair next to him, signaling me to sit quickly.
He then looks up from his paper to stare at me, as if asking what I want, and I can only give him a smile as a front.
"Are you studying languages?"
"No, it's for a presentation. The English material isn't enough," he tells me while shrugging. I think he does it more out of habit, but his cold demeanor makes many people dislike him... though he's definitely good at what he does.
"Then, is there something you need?"
I take a deep breath, already knowing what I will face.
"I need you to help me with something."
Thud.
From looking at me with an indifferent gaze, his eyes change. He stares directly at me before giving a knowing half-smile.
"Why should I help you?"
I already knew he would say this. Tinn is cautious about the people he associates with. He has a bias against those who approach him for personal gain. Right now though, I cannot deny that I am in trouble, which is why I am asking him. I feel my hands get cold.
"I know it's an inconvenience, but I think you're the only one who can help. I'm sorry, I feel guilty because right now, I'm no different from the others. I have... something I need to ask for."
I do not know what my expression is like, but it makes Tinn sigh.
"Don't give me that pitiful look," he waves his hand in front of my face, narrowing his eyes slightly before speaking in a flat tone.
"What do you want me to help with?"
I immediately smile. My hands on my lap tighten together. The weight on my chest feels like it is being lifted by the person in front of me. Then though, I almost stop smiling when Tinn leans in closer and scrutinizes me.
"I've already told you, right? I like your personality, but that doesn't mean I'll help with everything. Tell me what you need help with, quickly. I need to finish this pile," Tinn says.
I hastily pull out my phone, which I just bought yesterday, open the only photo on it, and send it to him.
"I want to know what this guy is doing," I say, pulling up the photo of P'Trump that I downloaded from the computer to ask Tinn specifically. I also tell him P'Trump's full name.
The other person goes silent for a moment.
"Clarify. What do you mean by 'doing'? Is this illegal?" he raises an eyebrow slightly, and I bite my lip.
But in the end, Tinn nods. "I vaguely remember seeing him with you," he says.
I almost jump at how good his memory is.
"Did you have a problem with him?" Tinn prods.
"A little bit," I reply.
Whoosh
Tinn leans closer to me, and this is one of the few times, I feel scared by his gaze. It's as if he can read me, and he speaks without caring about my previous response.
"Your face doesn't say it's just a little, does it? Especially when you come asking me to help investigate like this... Does it have something to do with your Thai Commoner friend?"
I freeze for a moment before quickly shaking my head. I don't want him bringing Ae into this.
"It has nothing to do with my friend, Tinn. It's my own issue."
"It's not that the person with the problem is a Thai Commoner, and then you promised to help, right?"
"No! It's really my own issue! It's not related to him!" I say with more firmness than ever before.
This makes the taller person look at me as if evaluating me. I don't break eye contact, and I would have protected Ae even more if it weren't for someone's voice cutting through the air.
"Nong Pete, dear... Oh my goodness, you're with the cold-hearted Chao-chai!"
"Uh, hello, P'Money."
I look away to glance behind me and see Money heading straight toward us, shooting a glare at Tinn, who immediately pulls away, acting as if disgusted. This makes the third-year student raise an eyebrow.
Grab.
"Well, there's no need to look so disgusted, Handsome. Would you like to try something new...?"
Creek.
Not only does he not respond, but Tinn also pulls his shoulder away, stands up from his chair right away, grabs the documents in his hand, and speaks to Money in a tone that sounds scarier than usual.
"Thank you, but I'd rather not get food poisoning."
"Goodness gracious, is that your mouth or a spitoon you're talking from, Nong Tinn?" P'Money snaps back.
[[Translator's Note: There is a play on words here between Tinn's use of ท้องเสีย which is food poisoning or diarrhea and Money's use of กระโถน which is a spittoon or chamberpot.]]
As I've mentioned before, Tinn can be a bit sharp-tongued, but I think he does have a kind side. If not, he wouldn't have bent down to tell me this.
"Send the photo to my device, then," he says briefly, accepting the request, which causes me to quickly stammer out.
"Th-thank you, thank you very much, Tinn. I'll send the name via Line..."
"No need. My brain can remember it after hearing it just once," Tinn says, then steps away with long strides, leaving me to smile awkwardly.
This is in contrast to his senior, P'Money, who places their hands on their hips and glares at Tinn's broad back, which many other girls also eye, their gazes lingering.
"Hmph. My brain can remember it after hearing it just once... Oh my god, if the person speaking weren't this handsome, my mother wouldn't let him go!!" P'Money exaggerates their tone... but I think their real voice sounds like that... maybe.
P'Money then turns to me, asking eagerly, "By the way, what photo are you going to send to Tinn, Pete? Oh, actually, do you have a photo of Tinn? Not that I want it, okay? No, no, I love and adore only you, Pete. But you know, my friends... when they see someone handsome, they want to have a picture of him to keep. And Tinn, really, this guy... His Facebook doesn't accept friends easily, and his IG is full of weird drawings. On Twitter, he only chats with foreign friends, asking for photos is like a struggle for a ladyboy, honestly."
It seems like this senior is a bit frustrated, and I can only smile awkwardly, not wanting to disappoint them. Still I can only shake my head.
"I don't have a photo of him, either," I choose not to mention I have him on Facebook, thinking it's better not to say it.
"Ah, that's a shame... Oh, don't sulk! I've saved so many photos of you, Pete, and that's not even counting the ones I secretly took... Oops, I didn't secretly take them myself, okay? It was the girls in the department! You should be careful around those girls, Pete. They won't hesitate to sneak a little touch here and there."
P'Money talks for a while longer before excusing themself with their friends, giving me a parting smile.
Then, I lower my head to look at my phone.
I really want a photo of Ae.
I think as I slide my palm across my face. Even though it's only been several days, the ink marks on my palm have almost completely faded. However, I turn my face away from anyone's gaze and decide to place my palm on my lips, as if just covering my mouth like people often do.
But no one knows better than I do that... I secretly kiss Ae through the ink marks... that's all.
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