The cafeteria beneath the learning commons building today seemed packed with students, leaving almost no free space. Meanwhile, the three pointer friends (Dear had truly said I'd never escape them) were sitting at one table with a few section-mates. Today was oddly surprising because that Âi Khun-chai, who loved to devour noodles, was just sitting there staring at his phone, letting his bowl of waterfall noodle soup get cold and rubbery again and again.
“Âi Shin-jang, aren't you gonna eat?” He finally couldn't help but ask, because he himself was already halfway through his plate of rice. The other had probably only managed one mouthful of noodles. As for Âi Sunny, no need to ask—something was up today. Eating his rice while looking left and right like he was searching for someone.
“I am eating. I'm just waiting for it to get rubbery first.”
“Hmm.”
“It's a whole different vibe, man.”
“Oh, you don't know? Eating it hot is one vibe. Eating it cold and soggy is another vibe entirely.”
Sometimes, Khrap, I genuinely don't understand its artistic sensibility at all.
Shin-jang answered deadpan, stashing his phone in his pocket when he saw his friends looking, and picked up his chopsticks to finally take a bite himself. After letting the entire bowl of noodles lose their heat, his ears caught the voice of a tablemate who turned to ask.
“Hey, you guys hear the news about the Faculty Star & Moon? They're holding it next month, man. Our damn room is gonna do 'Young Man Falls in Water'.”
“Hmm?” This time, Dear swiftly turned to look, curious. This Âi Faculty Star & Moon thing, he'd heard a bit about it. It's like this, Khrap. The Faculty of Engineering at my university, because there are so many students, they're divided into rooms that mix students from all the departments. And when it's time to choose the Star & Moon (like Âi Sun had explained to me last week), they pick a representative from each room to compete. There's judging and all that. And there's also going out to get sponsors for the room funds, basically a festival specifically for engineering kids. But I only just found out that this room is doing....Young Man Falls in Water.
“Oh ho, you! 'Young Man Falls in Water'? Where are you gonna find one of those?” He really couldn't help but ask, making a horrified face. You'd have an easier time finding a fucking Kathoey falling in water. Or a hairy gorilla—this room is full of 'em.
Thump
But then, that half-breed moved and just locked him in a headlock. A headlock like this meant he was already annoyed, but the guy had the nerve to say it loudly.
“Go look in a mirror, Dear. You'll see....a perfect young man, I tell you.”
“Âi Shin-jang!!!” Dear turned and yelled loudly. Damn it, you guys are at it again! You really love shoving this 'cute young man' crap onto me! That made the half-breed shrug.
“Come on, man, accept the truth. If they need a young man to sit in the tub, you won't escape, believe me.” That person, who'd heard we were in different rooms, was predicting the future until the listener made a horrified face, shaking his head sharply—I absolutely refuse, man! Sitting as a target for people to throw things at? No way!
“Hahahaha, don't believe Âi Shin yet. Who sits is up to the throwers, man. I went and whispered to an upperclassman. Avoid it if you can. Don't walk past our own room's booth. If Âi the booth controllers spot anyone right there, they'll grab you and make you sit. Heard that Phîi Boem, your Poo, even had to sit in the tub once 'cause he walked into the wrong place. That year, everyone said it was a giant falling into a tub, I tell you.” Words that made the listener gasp a huge breath and shoot a look like he wanted to pounce and strangle Âi half-breed, who, damn, had gone back to eating his noodles like a proper gentleman again.
Is teasing me that much fun? I really want to ask you guys.
“But I think this year, for our room, Âi Sun will be the representative.” He said, also nodding towards that popular guy who wasn't butting in like he usually did. Besides currently craning his neck looking for something, he wasn't even listening to the conversation.
“Yeah, alright then, we're off. See you tonight.” With that, the friends eating together got up to clear their plates, making Dear turn to look at Âi Sun, who was fidgeting strangely.
“Heh, jealous of your romantic partner, are you? He might become the Faculty Moon, you know.”
Again. Âi Shin-jang. You could go be with Âi partner Sailor Moon, you know.
“Jealous, ha...”
Fweep
“You guys, wait a sec, I'll be back.” Before he could even open his mouth to curse to his heart's content, Âi Sun, who'd been sitting quietly for a long time, suddenly shot to his feet quickly, turned and said in a rapid-fire voice before running off in another direction, leaving everything behind in bewildered silence, making the remaining people turn to look at each other.
“What's his hurry....Eek, you don't need to circle back to that. You, ah, are you really sure you won't join cheer? You can still skip a bunch more times, man.” Worried that Âi Shin-jang would drag things back to his not-so-innocent close friend again, Dear changed the subject. This time, the handsome half-breed let out a sigh, whoosh, and lifted his spoon to slurp some soup.
“Âi Shin-jang, damn it, don't avoid it. Just join, come on. Believe me, it's only a few hours a day. It'll be over in a month.” The manner of his friend, who wouldn't even look at him, made him emphasize his point. Truthfully, I'm really worried about him. I know cheer meetings are only for one year. I don't want my friend to look back later and think he missed out.
That made Shin turn to look at his friend's face again… the big eyes of this new friend he admitted he'd gotten close to incredibly fast. Maybe because of the occasional substance in Âi Sun's craziness, or maybe because of Âi Dear, whose eyes never lacked sincerity. Sometimes he was so guileless it was no surprise the other friend felt the need to look out for him.
In the eyes of a true gay like me, Âi Dear probably is [straight]. But Âi Sun....not sure.
And honestly, the first time I approached them, I thought he was too. At least it wasn't awkward later when I found out I'd never liked women in a romantic sense, not even once in my life.
“Heh heh, worried about Phîi Shin or is it Nong Dear?” He couldn't help but tease a little, making the little friend in front pull a face, rolling his eyes in utter exasperation. But he nodded.
“Yeah, I'm worried about you. If there's any problem, you can tell us, you know, man.”
This. This is why I feel close to them. They don't need to trouble themselves on my behalf. But Âi Dear is just like this.
The thought made Shin pause for just a moment. That rubbery, tough noodle sticking in my throat that supposedly had this great vibe was pushed aside. Might as well be straight—I really can't eat it right now. He made a quick decision before letting out a heavy sigh.
“Do you wanna hear my story or not?”
“If you wanna tell it, then tell me. I'll listen.” The expected answer made the person who felt like something was pressing a lump in his chest, making it hard to breathe, feel a bit better. But he still acted like it wasn't anything important, even though he was talking about....
“My romantic partner cheated on me, I tell you.”
“Hmm.” He could swear Âi Dear's eyes were bigger than many girls' without needing circle lenses. Right now they were wide open unexpectedly, making him unable to help but laugh at the expression before saying in a stressed voice.
“Yeah, you heard right. Right now I'm being a buffalo...You're like me, right? Got in through direct admission. After finishing the confirmation, paying the fees, all that, plus after finishing grade 12, I was free so I flew to Japan for two months because my grandma was sick just then. She wanted me to visit. So I went and stayed there. Didn't come back at all. And I have a romantic partner here, one person. We'd been together for over a year. Hee, when I was about to fly, he cried and cried, said we should call every night, Line each other all the time. I was okay with that. And I did it too. Until two weeks before coming back...” Shin could only smile pitifully at himself for being fooled.
That innocent face and the coaxing voice of the person I called...my beloved.
'Phîi Shin, Focus has tutoring every single day, really. Mom says if I don't get into university, I'll get scolded for sure. So if Focus doesn't answer the phone, it means I passed out on a pile of books.'
'Hee hee, and aren't you afraid that if I don't answer, Phîi will get scolded?'
'...Phîi...don't say that.'
Yes, back then I should have been suspicious, even a little would've been good. It wasn't a shy voice, not a sulky voice. It was more like the voice of someone who was really troubled about something, even though we'd been through so much together. Focus had never spoken to me like that, not once.
And then my romantic partner became hard to reach. Called so many times, always said studying was heavy, was tired, wanted to sleep. And I was a buffalo, right? Worried about her nearly out of my mind. Wanted to come back to Thailand. But was also worried about Grandma. And instead of his rushing out to see me when I got back to Thailand, he made every excuse under the sun. Hee, it's been almost a month since I got back, I've only seen him once. But my friend...a friend I used to be in a band with, he's been getting with my romantic partner every day.” Shin's tone was level, so level it scared the listener.
Âi Shin's face was very still now. Even though it was usually still, it wasn't normally this scary. Plus, he was smiling at the corner of his mouth in a way that felt like… self-pity.
“Âi Shin..."
“It's weird thinking about it, you know? Even though this friend of mine is the one who helped me compose a song for my romantic partner, for real. His mouth said he loved her like a little sister. But now, see. Would you believe it? I drove after them and saw them go up to the dorm together. They probably weren't going there to play or study together. Who knows how many rounds they've had by now.”
“So that's why you're busy every evening...”
“Yeah, I went to catch the cheaters.” Shin said flatly, then turned to look at his friend's stunned, silent face. His pale face went even whiter. His mouth opened and closed like he wanted to say something comforting but couldn't get the words out. But those sincere eyes were telling him… he feels sorry for me too.
“Shin, well...I don't really know how to comfort you. But I get it. I've had my heart broken too. Even if it wasn't as bad as you, still. But a good guy like you can definitely find someone better.” Dear said seriously, making a crestfallen face as if he were the one who'd been dumped, making the listener, who felt the discomfort tightening even more in his chest, heave a heavy sigh.
“You know, you're the worst comforter I've ever met.” Words that Dear didn't protest. His brain was just scrambling for how to help his friend. And I really don't know, huh, how to comfort him.
“Hey, don't stress, dude. Wanna go get drunk tonight? Or if you wanna eat something right now, just tell me. I'll go buy it for you myself.” And so the person who was bad at comforting started suggesting other things instead. Even though he didn't like alcohol, he offered it quickly, also quickly grabbing his wallet, ready to go buy anything to comfort the heartbroken guy. His manner made Shin pause.
“Dear”
“What, what? You wanna eat something? Just tell this Khun-chai Dear. I'll conjure it for you.” He said eagerly. That made Shin smile widely.
Their eyes met silently. Dear looked on intently, ready to do anything to make his friend feel better. But...
“I was joking, dude.”
“Hah!!!"
Thump
His friend's words ended. The listener yelled out loud across the whole cafeteria. His wallet fell plop to the floor. His mouth hung open. He stared at the person who was now brazenly taking Âi Sun's rice plate to eat instead. And the half-breed said simply.
“Yeah, everything I just told you, I was totally joking, dude. Your face was just so easy to tease.
Thump
“Âi fucking Shin, you go die already!!! Do you know, I was about to cry just now! Âi vengeful spirit! Âi evil! Âi wicked! I was worried sick about you, you damned half-breed!!!” That was it. Dear pounced and strangled the guy eating until the rice almost flew out, shaking him hard in revenge. Both his cheeks flushed red with embarrassed anger.
Am I really that easy to fool?! Is that why you tricked me?!
“Ouch, that's enough, man! Are you trying to kill me?!” Shin yelled out loud, yanking himself away from the little friend whose strength belied his size. Even though his face was split by a wide grin, it just made the furious one grit his teeth, wanting to shove the whole bowl in his mouth. That just made Shin laugh, then motioned for him to sit down already, until the angry one slammed himself back into his seat, almost lifting a leg to kick this bastard.
My heart actually skipped a beat listening to that just now, you bastard!
“Come on. Even if it was a joke, believe me...I would never, ever take something that belongs to a friend.” Shin said seriously at the end, making the angry one glare over. Then he just made a sound.
“Don't change the subject back to that. If you're gonna shove Âi Sun at me again, I give him to you. You take him, make tom yum soup, make curry, whatever, it's your business. Don't involve me.” He said sarcastically, damn it, knowing it would circle back for sure. But instead of looking even a little sorry for teasing too hard, the other just said.
“Yeah, you're getting smarter now.”
For heaven's sake, why did I have to become friends with you two?!
Frustrated with himself, he bowed his head and went back to eating, completely unaware that the half-breed beside him turned to look and smiled slightly. That tightness in his chest loosened quickly, and he decided that perhaps he shouldn't let things remain unresolved.
But one thing he knew today: Âi Dear wasn't actually a bad comforter, like he'd said.
“Phîi Ryu, Khrap!!!!”
Damn it.
The call shouted from behind made the person who'd just stepped out of the cafeteria walk even faster. He grit his teeth in frustration. If I could headbutt the wall or dig into the ground, I would've done it already.
Instead of just pretending you didn't see me, why are you chasing after me?!
Ryu, who'd only stuck his head into the cafeteria to scan for his friend, had instead run into that damned junior who'd gotten disastrously drunk the other day. And I don't know why I had to run. Maybe because I didn't want to kill him dead in the middle of the cafeteria.
“Phîi Ryu, where are you hurrying off to? Talk to me first!”
Not talking, oi.
Thinking it wasn't enough, he sped up. But the annoying brat behind him wasn't about to give up. Smirking, he put on an innocent face, ran ahead, and cut him off.
Well, hey, I've been waiting for you since you went into the cafeteria. Saw Phîi Nut, your friend, point you out, and knew...you'd be coming out soon.
“Why are you running from me?”
Swish
“I'm not running.” Ryu turned swiftly to look with displeasure.
His fast-walking legs stopped still in frustration when the kid in front not only stepped in his path but also spread his arms out as if to corner him, making him glare. Trying to bat this crazy thought away, but a voice like this just made the brat smile inadvertently.
“Then talk to me first. I've been waiting for you for almost half an hour.”
Thud
“Why were you waiting for me?” Ryu narrowed his eyes distrustfully, sure the kid was about to annoy him again. But Sun just laughed softly and reached out to tug lightly on the strap of his shoulder bag.
“Let me carry it for you, Phîi Ryu.”
“Why are you messing with my stuff? I have hands. I can carry it myself.” The listener frowned sharply, dodging away and pulling his bag to the other side, feeling the annoying kid was acting strange today. That made Sun, who'd been secretly watching the white cheeks flushing from the exertion of the chase, burst out laughing.
A laugh that made the already handsome guy look even better.
“I want to repay you. On Friday, you were the one who took me back to my dorm, right?”
Thud
“So...what about it?” But then, the guy who was skilled in every situation suddenly developed a stutter as the most humiliating event of his life flashed through his mind. He looked away quickly. Told myself this pounding heart is just from anger with no outlet. It'd be great if this kid just forgot what happened that night.
“So I came to thank you. Even though you left me sleeping and getting eaten by mosquitoes in front of the dorm. Good thing the dorm auntie woke me at four AM, or I'd have died of embarrassment.”
“Serves you right.”
“Hah? What did you say?” Just as the kid in front was whining pitifully (to others) and kick-worthy (in his eyes), the words slipped out. The other guy raised his eyebrows and leaned his face closer.
“Why are you getting so close? Get away from me!!!” Ryu actually yelled, his face getting closer again. His other hand pushed the junior's head away with full force, making Sun laugh loudly, smoothing his hair back into place. His other hand dug into his pocket in a way that made the onlooker even more irritated—probably because he looks ten times better than me doing it.
The senior's manner of retreating another two steps made the guy who'd come to intercept him shake his head slightly and ask a question that left the listener stunned.
“Why won't you ever talk nicely to me?”
What the fuck does talking about that night make me think of?!
“D-did you remember?” Ryu could swear his mouth trembled, making the listener merely raise an eyebrow slightly, putting on an impeccably innocent face worthy of a gold statue award.
“Remember what, Phîi? Remember that you can drink liquor very daintily? Remember that you mixed drinks for me? Or remember that you took me back to my dorm? Was there something else, dude...”
“Just that you were going to...” Ryu blurted out in frustration before swallowing his words upon seeing the white-faced kid look confused. Concluding to myself he definitely doesn't remember last night. That made Sun lift a fist and smack it into his other palm, which looked utterly punchable.
“Oh, I also remember you called yourself 'Phîi' and called me 'Sun'.”
Thud
“But that's all I remember.”
Whew
He almost sighed in relief. Even though it's nothing. Getting a kiss on the cheek from a drunk is normal. But it felt weird. And I couldn't look him in the face if he said he remembered. But his relief was short-lived. The guy, who seemed more put-together today than usual, made a sad puppy dog face.
“But why doesn't Phîi Ryu talk to me like that anymore? It's so hurtful. You talk to Âi Dear super nicely. Talk nicely to me too.” His manner was like a big kid whining to his mom, making the onlooker's foot itch, but he couldn't help retorting.
“That's my junior by student ID. And who are you?”
“Can't I be the junior in your heart? Heeewww.” Playing his own game, having his own fun, until the listener was stunned. Didn't expect him to say something like that. But a moment later, his white cheeks turned bright red. He grit his teeth, grinnnd.
You managed a few nice words to me and now you're back to annoying me again, is that it?!
“Ah, just joking, Phîi. Just joking. Wouldn't dare aim so high. Here, Phîi Ryu, I really came to help carry your bag. To thank you for taking me back to the dorm. I'm the type who doesn't like owing debts. Or do you want me to keep annoying you like this...”
No need to bring the Mekong, Chao Phraya, Mun, Chi, Nan, or any other rivers into it. The famous white bag was thrown right at his face, forcing him to catch it.
“Hurry up and repay your debt so it's over, then get away from me. I can carry my own things.” He said irritably. Every time I meet this kid, my temper flares. He swept his hair back in frustration and turned to go back to the cafeteria. The person behind smiled widely and quickly took a long stride to catch up to his back, then leaned in to whisper by his ear.
“Don't you want someone to look after you, Phîi Ryu?”
Fweep
“Why are you putting your face so close to me? Sheesh, get away!” The hairs on his neck stood on end. The low voice whispering right next to him, and then turning to meet that prominent nose tip… Ryu could only yell loudly, jerking his foot back almost too late, glaring furiously even though... his cheeks were red.
“I was afraid you wouldn't hear, so I had to whisper close.” He said, winking a couple of times. The guy looked like he'd probably lift his leg and kick me in the chest like he did days ago. But Phîi Ryu just clenched his fist tightly and spun around, walking quickly back to the cafeteria. He could only follow slowly. However, his eyes were fixed on something… the nape of the neck.
The nape that peeked out from the lightly brown, layered and sliced hair. And even more so now, a lock of hair was parted to the side, revealing the white neck. Suddenly, the annoying kid felt an impulse.... I wanna kiss it.
I wonder if it would leave a mark.
Sun swatted the thought from his head. One hand gripped the bag strap firmly. Knowing full well that if I actually did it, judging by that kick the other day, the guy might pull a knife, a screwdriver, or a drill and make swiss cheese out of me. He hurried his steps to catch up, annoying the other all the way, their voices a mix of loud yelling and flying curses.
But today, Sun couldn't help but feel that...
Phîi Ryu is... kinda cute.
***
“Phîi Bas, let's go to your shop again this Saturday. Focus wants to go.”
“Hahaha, don't you have tutoring on Saturday? Gonna skip?”
“Hoh, we can go in the evening. Focus only has class until noon on Saturday.”
“Okay, Khrap, Khrap. Then after class with… Âi Shin!!!”
The two guys walking with their arms around each other's necks arrived behind the milk shop not far from the tutoring school and froze solid upon seeing who was half-standing, half-leaning against a cool motorcycle. Especially the one in university uniform who looked like he'd seen a ghost, while the young man in a famous high school's uniform was visibly trembling.
“Ph- Phîi Shin.”
“Hey, Âi Bas. And also...” Shin shifted to stand up straight, looking at his own romantic partner who seemed to hide behind his friend, avoiding his eyes, fidgeting, face deathly pale. He flinched even harder when Shin's gaze turned directly on him.
“I thought you said your dad was picking you up for dinner today.”
“Hey, I can explain, Âi Shin. It's just... I...” Bas couldn't find an excuse, could only clench his fists upon seeing his friend standing there with a cold smile. His other hand pushed the body of the person he'd… snatched further behind. Feelings of guilt rushed into his heart. The half-breed young man just smiled.
“Let me hear what? Your performance when you take my Mia to bed?”
“Phîi Shin!!!”
“Khrap?... Where is he, Khrap, the one who studies so intensely? Where is he, Khrap, the one whose parents are so overprotective they have to chauffeur him everywhere? Phîi thinks there's only the guy who follows Âi Bas up to his room to get taken...”
“Don't talk to Focus like that!” Bas cut in angrily before stumbling upon meeting the gaze of the person who was now just a… former friend. But he quickly said in a heavy voice as his junior looked like he was about to cry.
“Don't talk like that. It's my fault. I'm the one who took him from you. You should be mad at me. Don't make him feel bad for my selfishness, you...”
Whap
Before he could finish, a warm fist slammed into his face, staggering him. Then a second and third fist followed, accompanied by Shin's furious yell that echoed through the alley.
“And you didn't think I'd be hurt, you fucking bastard!!! This is my romantic partner. Do you hear me? This is my romantic partner!” Shin slammed his friend onto the concrete alley and swung punches full force into his face while the other was still off-balance, unleashing all his emotion in that second—every bit of sadness, disappointment, and betrayal from the two people he'd trusted who'd hurt him without remorse.
Whap
The action was mostly Shin venting his rage alone while the other could only defend himself, until the terrified one rushed in and firmly grabbed the arm of his probably-ex-boyfriend, tears streaming down his face.
“Phîi Shin, hik... Focus begs... please... don't hurt Phîi Bas... It's my fault... hik. I'm too fickle... I'm sorry... be mad at me... but don't... don't hurt Phîi Bas.” Focus slumped to his knees, raising his hands in a wai, tears flowing, mouth trembling. He'd been looking at this other person who'd replaced Phîi Shin for a while now. Maybe even before Phîi Shin went to Japan.
“Stop it.... please don't... I beg you...” The pleading voice and endless tears made Shin release his grip on his friend's collar. His fierce, scary eyes swept over before he swung a fist toward the person who had his eyes tightly shut, accepting his fate.
Thud
The fist stopped just an inch from his face. Focus slowly opened his eyes. He saw the person he used to love—loved so much he'd tried so hard to get his attention—stand up. And then the person who should have punched him instead placed a hand on his head. And the person who should have cursed him, should have yelled at him, only said...
“I wish Focus good luck.”
No matter what, Phîi Shin had always been kind to him.
“Hohhhh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.... sorry...” The sound of loud sobbing echoed through the alley as the one walking away just clenched his fists tightly. His tall frame swung onto his car. His hand, with broken knuckles smeared with blood, pounded down on the steering wheel with full force.
“Damn it!!!” A deep voice roared. Then Shin pressed his face against the steering wheel, grabbed his phone, and the name he'd saved in Japanese appeared. He looked at it for just a moment before using a trembling finger to delete it.
Smack
Along with... the first tear that fell from his eyes.
It's over.... the one I used to love.
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