Even if it were longer than this, I would wait.
I sat watching the father playing with his toddler-aged son, both smiling widely. Today the sky was clear but yet no sunlight came in to harm the child's delicate skin. A moist cool wind embraced us and the front yard garden tenderly.
"Hey..." Suddenly, Phallop turned to me, who was sitting cross-legged on a bench nearby.
"Huh?"
"I finished reading... 'Aksorn in Memory', you know."
I, the listener, raised an eyebrow. I hadn't expected that someone who didn't care much for books would read that one too. However, before I could make a sound to ask anything, Phallop's words stopped me in my tracks, leaving me stunned.
"That's why I understand why you wanted me and Likhit to name him Aksorn." Phallop turned to look at his own son playing in the sand nearby. "He's the person you met in the mirror, right?"
I fell silent. The reason I hadn't said it outright was because, in my heart, I was afraid Phallop wouldn't be able to handle this.
"I'm sorry."
"Come on, no. I believe Likhit probably knew too, and I always respect her decisions..."
I didn't know what to say next. I could only sit and watch the two of them for a good while before raising my eyebrows in surprise when Phallop picked up his own son and handed him over. All along... What I had tried my absolute hardest to do was not touch that child. I knew well that my own feelings were too wrongfully-selfish to get close to Aksorn now, no matter how much I missed him...
The large hand reaching out to receive the child's body trembled faintly. I stared at my friend's face again, but because Phallop was smiling, saying softly, "It's alright," I almost lost my breath. Many months had passed. The child had grown so much from the first day I'd seen him. Those bright eyes looked up and made adorable eye contact. I managed a smile, holding Aksorn in arms that yearned too much.
"Hello."
The innocent toddler tilted his head curiously when he spoke. A small hand came up to wipe the tears streaming down the young man's cheeks, until Phallop, who was standing watching, couldn't help but speak.
"He probably doesn't want you to cry."
I laughed, holding the boy in my arms for a good while longer until Aksorn finally fell asleep.
"And what will you do next?" Phallop's answer came just after he'd put his son into his crib. I still always wore a slight smile, even though what was said meant distancing.
"After this, I might not come to see you again. I don't want him to know me as his father's friend. And after this, when the time comes, I will return."
Phallop's heart sank at what he'd just heard. But if it was to protect his son, he would agree with that choice.
"Don't worry. I'll take good care of him."
"I will always be watching over you. Especially you... Phallop, you've grown up."
The one being told off pursed his lips but nodded in agreement immediately.
"Anyway, hurry back."
"Mhm. I will hurry back."
The promise began then.
We are apart
Only a mirror separates us.
Time passed quietly. The strange incident that had happened had consumed more than half of my life. Watching Aksorn grow up from a distance was the right choice. Even though the concerning thing after that was the relationship between the two, father and son, whose similar personalities might become a problem.
Believe me though, forcing Aksorn to go stay elsewhere was definitely something his father intended.
So that he could meet me. The boy from another world...
That youth had followed in his mother's footsteps since he was just a few years old. He loved reading books with all his heart. He won awards for writing essays at school frequently. I was so proud, as much as the father who I had to pretend not to know every time we met.
Only a smile of happiness that one friend could give.
***
And then today... The day Aksorn grew into a young man, like the first time we met, had arrived. I stood in front of the bookstore to stare at that figure sitting inside, lost in thought. Believing that he in the mirror was the source of that distraction. We've finally met, haven't we...
I stood watching for a good while. My heavy feet nailed him to the same spot. This act of watching wasn't much different from before.
Only, what separated us was no longer a mirror, but the clear glass of this bookstore...
Ding.
The bell on the door rang as I decided to walk in.
"Hello, please make yourself at home."
The voice I had wanted to hear for twenty years sounded less than two meters away. It was extremely difficult to remain indifferent to this meeting. I could only walk around like that, my gaze fixed on some book or other that became his visual refuge at that moment.
I just wanted to be near him for as long as possible...
I picked up a book and went straight to the counter. Truthfully, I hardly even cared what the book was about.
And then Aksorn getting up to help me made me almost hold my breath.
I stared at the smile adorning that face, before shifting my gaze to the hands that were carefully wrapping the book cover for me.
I couldn't let this pass. I had to... say something.
"Do you have any book recommendations?"
Ah, this works.
"What genre do you like?" Please, don't smile like that.
"I don't really have a favorite genre."
But you can believe, that the person best at hiding feelings, must be me.
"In that case, how about this one?"
I stared at the book being handed to me. Even if it were blank paper, I'd feel it was worth reading if the person recommending it was Aksorn.
"I'll take this one too."
"You're so trusting."
I laughed out loud. I stood waiting for a while, even wishing it could be longer, before reaching out to receive my book and saying, "Thank you."
"Thank you."
And walked out...
That was the first time, for a conversation between us that happened in the same moment in time.
With nothing blocking us.
***
"'I'm insanely happy to be with you on our Christmas day.'"
Pretending to be a regular customer at the bookstore was the only way I could enter Aksorn's world. Our statuses were nothing more than that. I knew well that Aksorn wasn't interested in anyone other than the person in the mirror.
That made me feel quite happy...
I read the books Aksorn recommended to me with great concentration, absorbing every sentence. And just as the capable bookstore employee had said, these books really suited me.
I was deep in thought in my office after finishing summarizing a patient's condition. My large hand held a pen out of habit. I planned to spend as much time as possible with Aksorn today as a Christmas gift to himself. But then... What excuse should I use?
But not long after, I was already following that young man. Even though I should go home to sleep since I'd just gotten off shift, I wouldn't let the opportunity slip away.
I hadn't forgotten to bring an umbrella. I remembered well that Aksorn had told him on Christmas day that "It's raining heavily here today..."
The other party chose many things for the celebration. Mhm... with him in the mirror who returned to the room so late he got pouted at. I waited until Aksorn walked out of the department store. I then stepped closer, reached out to tap the shoulder of the person in front of me, and called out.
"Khun..."
"It's you," the other party turned and smiled at me. I was quite relieved that Aksorn didn't realize he'd been following for a while. "Hello."
Alright... I was groping for phrases that didn't sound suspicious, but the silence was probably too long and became awkward.
"Can I buy you a coffee...." Good one. I was pleased with myself, but at the same time, waiting for the answer made my heart beat irregularly.
"Yes, you can."
And this Christmas, we finally got to be together...
"'I will be by your side.'"
I helped Aksorn with everything without asking for reasons, because the answers to many things Aksorn wondered about were things I already knew.
I just wanted to be by Aksorn's side, no matter in what capacity.
***
Then one day, while I was working at the hospital, a bed being wheeled into the emergency room made me freeze in place.
No mistake, the unconscious body was really Phallop.
But my own patient was waiting, so I couldn't go check on my friend even though I was almost crazy with worry. I ran back and forth periodically to check on Phallop's condition until I saw that guy was safe, then told the hospital staff to call his only son.
I was terribly worried. Both for my friend who hadn't regained consciousness, and for Aksorn who would probably be very shocked by what had happened....
In the late morning of the day I intended to go out for coffee, I stopped and stood in the hospital garden, looking up at the window of the room where Phallop was recovering like that. But suddenly... The spot I was looking at had someone's figure standing there, revealing the face of the person I had been avoiding for days. I didn't want Aksorn to know I was a doctor, knowing well the other party might be suspicious of the identities of Khiao and Songjam who both wanted to be doctors.
It's not yet time for us to understand each other openly...
The startled expression on Aksorn's face made the doctor unable to suppress a faint smile. It wasn't the smile of Khiao, the regular customer, but of Songjam who missed his Phîi so much. Before I stepped away, leaving behind only the doubts and suspicions of the person who had run down to look. I would not use that opportunity to intrude upon fate.
Until the time comes, I will tell Aksorn himself who I am...
"'In troublesome matters, we only seem to meet kind-hearted people.'"
In the middle of the night, while Aksorn was fast asleep, I walked out of the room we slept in together, before finding the homeowner still sitting with a large stack of papers in the living room.
"Not asleep yet?" Napha asked, looking up at the young man who walked over and sat down opposite her curiously.
"Not sleepy yet. What are you doing?"
"I'm photocopying the manuscript of Aksorn in Memory. I intend to give it to Aksorn before he goes back," she replied while organizing the pages neatly.
"I have a question."
"Yes?" Napha raised her eyebrows questioningly, even though all day the young man had been quiet and didn't say much.
"Even though you know this novel isn't finished, why do you still want to publish it?"
The slender hands busy with the papers stopped with a thud. She fell into her own thoughts for a moment before answering in a faint, wispy voice.
"I don't want this novel to disappear along with her."
That answer was the whole truth that Napha desired.
"...I always hope that she will return with the story that comes after this."
"She will never return," I said flatly. It sounded cruel, but the pain in my eyes was all too clear.
"How do you know, Khiao?"
I made clear eye contact with the other party for the first time. I confessed.
"I am Songjam."
I remember that after being silent for a good while, Napha nodded in acceptance.
"So that's how it is."
And didn't ask him anything else...
"You can start the countdown."
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